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[transgendermusic]

Sammy Heck: Egg Cracker

Sammy poses with an iridescent sword in front of a mossy concrete statue. 

Listen to Season 1, Episode 8 of the podcast below: 

iTunes - Spotify - Stitcher - Google Play Music - Bandcamp

This week's episode is an interview with Sammy Gagnon, an indie rocker from Baltimore. But first I want to talk about someone a little closer to home. About an hour’s drive south of where I live, in Lilington, North Carolina, there's a men's prison called Harnett Correctional. A trans woman named Kanautica Zayre-Brown is imprisoned there, and she wants to be transferred to a women's facility. Sharing a dorm with 38 cis men is really scary, but solitary confinement is worse, and there's no reason she should even have to be in the building. I thought that was pretty messed up, and if you do too, I need you to call the North Carolina Department of Public Safety, Prisons Division at 919-838-4000.

Let them know that you demand that they transfer Kaunautica Zayre Brown to a women’s facility to ensure her rights and safety.

If you can, see if you can talk to or leave a message for Kenneth Lassiter, the director of prisons in North Carolina. If you’re not totally sure what to say, I put a script at the bottom of this article, along with more information about Kanautica’s situation, and three more numbers to call. 

Back in October, I went on a little road trip to Washington DC. Whenever I travel now, I reach out to local trans musicians and see if they want to be interviewed for the podcast. Sammy Gagnon, who plays under the band name Sammy Heck and runs the DIY label Deep Sea Records, drove all the way down from Baltimore to meet me for this interview. We met up in a dilapidated strip mall in Greenbelt, Maryland, outside  of a vegan café where someone was protesting by eating slabs of meat. We talked about how she got into the DIY scene, what Guitar Center is like as a trans woman, and cracking eggs.

Riley: Thanks for being here with me. Thanks for coming down.

Sammy: Yeah, thank you for having me.

So you just were telling me you just wrapped up a 17-day tour?

Well, it was a whole year of touring. I think I toured 41 or 42 days in total this year, which is more than I've ever done. Five tours this year, across January to August.

Where all have you gone?

I went as far north as Boston, as far south as Tallahassee, Florida and Austin, Texas, and then towards the Midwest I went as far as Chicago.

And have you been doing it yourself?

Yeah. The first tour I did, I toured with another band, White Petals. I played bass for them, and then I did solo Sammy Heck stuff. Then I did a five-day tour in July where I was tour managing for a band called Phase Arcade. For the rest of the time, I drove totally alone.

Sammy Heck/White Petals Split by sammy heck

Your first Sammy Heck music was a split with White Petals, right?

With White Petals, yeah. We have been friends for a long time. I also run this label called Deep Sea Records, and White Petals is one of the first bands that I put out on that.

How long have you been running the label?

It'll be four years in February.

Okay, so the label is older than the Sammy Heck project?

Yeah, absolutely. Sammy Heck I just started in August of last year, after my old band, Samurai Tiger, broke up. But I started Deep Sea Records in February of my senior year of high school.

So was it hard to get people to take you seriously 'cause you were a high school senior? Or did they not know?

I think that all the people I was working with at the time were about the same age. I honestly find that people took me more seriously when I was a 17-year-old "boy" (I'm doing air quotes there) than now, when I'm a 21-year-old girl who's been on a dozen tours and has put out almost 50 records.

Valentine's Charity Compilation 2018 by Deep Sea Records

So it's just a gender thing?

Yeah, I definitely think so.

That really sucks. But I know what you mean, though.

Yeah. I think that the place that people treat me the most differently at is Guitar Center. Before, I'd walk into Guitar Center and I was practically invisible, and now every time I walk into Guitar Center and pick up an instrument, everybody wants to talk to me and ask me how long I've been playing an instrument for.

Do you think they're hitting on you?

I don't know.

Mansplaining?

There's definitely that male arrogance of "Oh, girl that plays guitar? What's up with that?"

"Gross!" 

Sammy lost a heel a couple times during the photoshoot

How'd you learn about and get into the DIY music scene?

In high school I had a Tumblr, and I found out about bands like The World Is a Beautiful Place and Empire! Empire! Stuff like that. Like, "Oh, this is cool!" And then I joined some Facebook groups that were about twinkle emo, and stuff like that. And from there, I was like, "Oh, everybody wants to play in bands like this." So, yeah.

Can you explain what twinkle emo is?

So there are different waves of emo music, but twinkle would be, like, Algernon Cadwallader, to an extent The World Is a Beautiful Place...

Parrot Flies by Algernon Cadwallader

What's the vibe?

So it's got that emo punk vibe that bands like Jawbreaker, Sunny Day Real Estate, stuff like that have. But they take it to an extra level of less punk, more indie rock. So there's more noodling and open tunings, and stuff like that.

What would be your genre classification for the Sammy Heck project?

Sammy Heck, I usually say it's, like, sparkly indie pop.

That's reasonable.

Yeah. Because I like a lot of the emo indie bands, like The World Is, or my friends in Commander Salamander coined the term "sparklepunk."

Sparklepunk?

Sparklepunk. So there was twinkle emo, but nobody likes to say the word "twinkle," so I guess they just pulled out a thesaurus and looked up synonyms for "twinkle," and were like, "Sparklepunk!" I was like, "Okay, that's cool. Well I'm gonna be sparklepop." So I feel like people compare me a lot to bands that are in that emo genre but on the more lighter, sensitive side, like Kississippi or Soccer Mommy, bands like that. But then I'm also really into late 2000s, early 10s indie pop, like MGMT, Foster the People, Matt and Kim, stuff like that.

Stop Wasting Time by sammy heck

I can definitely hear that. That makes sense to me.

Yeah? People say The Postal Service a lot.

Yeah. So on your recordings, you play most of the instruments except for bass, right?

Yeah. On the recordings that are out right now, it's me playing guitar and singing, and then my friend Josh, who recorded me, plays bass on it because he has a really nice bass rig. And then I programmed all the drums, and the synths, and the stuff like that, using... Logic? I think he had Logic on his computer, which is like GarageBand for big boys.

So you already knew how to do that?

Yeah, when I play live I use GarageBand for everything. So I have my phone mounted onto my guitar with one of those car mounts, and then I just run that through a mixing board on my pedalboard, and run both of those into my amp. So it plays the backing tracks, but since none of them are live instruments, it sounds more like kinda a chiptune, bedroom pop kinda thing, rather than like I'm playing along to a backing track of all live instruments.

Do people think it's weird that you have your phone taped to your guitar, and then are putting it all through one amp?

It depends. It really depends. Some people are like, "Whoa, that's the coolest thing ever!" And then other people are like, "So when are you getting a band?" Yeah.

All you need is one synth player, right?

I mean, I guess. I'm doing an upcoming tour in January where I'm having a band.

Oh, you're gonna have a full band?

Yeah, so that'll be interesting. And on the new record it's a whole band, so that's a whole thing.

A new record that you're planning to release soon?

Yeah. I'm finishing up the demos right now, and then we'll go ahead and record it.

That's awesome. So you've created a band in Baltimore? You've started practicing with people?

Yeah, I more of just stole another band. So it's this band Phase Arcade, except I'm putting their guitarist and singer on keyboards, and then their bassist and drummer are still their bassist and drummer, and then I'm just fronting it. So when I tour with them, it'll be with... There's a bee.

Was that a bee?

It's a wasp. Yeah, it's a wasp. Yeah, so when I tour with them, I'll play my set, and then I'll move all of my shit out of the way, and then - can I curse on here? Does it matter?

Yeah. It's going on SoundCloud.

Okay, I wasn't sure. Cool. I'm always paranoid that I'll do a radio session and I'll be like, "Oh, that's fucking stupid" or something like that. And then they'll get mad at me.

Gonna get some crazy fine?

And I'll be banned from the air, yeah. Do they fine you when you do that?

Oh yeah.

Really?

Yeah. Well the station does, not you. Yeah, the station gets a fine from the FCC, I think. Or FTC? No, that's the trade commission. I think it's the FCC.

That sucks. They get fined somewhere.

Yeah, they get fined. I think after 10:00 pm you can. There's like the watershed time... I don't really know what I'm talking about. But I do know that it costs money. That's why they care.

That's funny. Okay. But yeah, I'm basically borrowing their band.

That's cool. Are you also in that band?

No.

You just saw it, you liked it. It's your band now. So I wanna describe where we are right now, because I think it's really, really deeply funny. So in front of us is the Greenbelt Federal Credit Union. 

Next to us is a zombie-themed minimart. There are people here, but it's just got a very creepy vibe.

Yeah, this is kind of what every D.C. suburb I've ever been to has been like. Just really weird, kinda empty, but impeccably clean and put together.

Yeah, I'm used to one or the other. But this is creeping me out a lot.

It's a little weird.

Do you know what else it reminds me of? When I was in high school [Note: it was actually college]... We didn't break in. The door was unlocked. But we went to this megachurch apartment complex where these people in the late 90′s had built this giant mall-shaped place for all their followers to live, and it was so clean, but everyone had left the community by then. So the lights were on, and then there was a couple stores open. It was like a dead mall.

That's too cool.

There was, like, grand pianos everywhere, and there was an old abandoned play park, and half-finished construction.

Oh, that's my shit. And the power was still running?

The power was still on. There was people there. But I'm sure occupancy was like 2%.

Okay. 'Cause I was gonna say, if it's totally abandoned, you could have cool shows there, and stuff.

It wasn't abandoned. So I think it was still being administrated, but I think most people didn't wanna live in this weird megachurch commune.

Yeah, I can't imagine why.

Oh, the wasp is on you. There's a wasp just... It likes you, I think.

Yeah, there's cocoa powder in my contour, and bugs are really into it.

Uh-oh. Your makeup looks great!

Thank you!

I like the iridescent nails, lip, and sword that you brought. She brought a sword for our pictures that we wanted to take. 

Who wouldn’t want a piece of that contour? 

So what are your goals, musically and as an artist?

Whenever people ask me this question, I always think of that Vine of Riff Raff, and he was like, "The goal is to blow up, and then act like I don't know nobody." And then he has those really scary shark teeth grills, and he laughs, and it's really frightening. But that's not my goals, no. I feel like... This is gonna sound so cheesy. 

I wanna be the artist and the role model that me as a teen woulda needed. So I wanna write songs about being trans, and being sad, and dealing with that, and stuff. And I don't really want it to be a pity party thing, but it ends up being that a lot of the time. I definitely wanna be more like... Do you know what the term "cracking eggs" means, in terms of trans people? Yeah.

Yeah, you could explain it, though.

Okay. So an egg is a trans person who doesn't know that they're trans yet. I feel like I wanna inspire more trans people to be open about their transness, and be okay with being visibly trans, and stuff like that.

Yeah, we were talking earlier when we were taking pictures about how some people who I talk to for this website, sometimes there are trans people who don't wanna be on a trans website, or they don't want their trans identity to be part of their identity as musicians as artists. You don't choose that, right?

No, I don't. So, I understand that. I think that's super valid, because in a way, I feel like I have almost closed myself off, because now cis people are like, "Oh, her whole thing is that she's trans." Or even other trans people will be like, "Oh, your whole thing is that you're trans." But it's not. Not all my songs are about that. That doesn't consume every minute of my life. But I think that it's really valid to not wanna be open in today's climate, where you'll get harassed and murdered if you're trans.

Yeah. So you wanna be cracking eggs.

Cracking eggs, yes.

Have you ever had that experience? Has anyone ever said...

Yeah. That's definitely a weird thing, 'cause a friend of mine, actually, after seeing me play, a few months later texted me and was like, "Hey, because of seeing your performance, I decided to come out." I was like, "That's fucked." That's fucked up that that was something that I could do, if that makes sense. I'm trying not to sound really self-important. I don't wanna sound like that.

I don't think that you do. I think that we're raised in a culture where it's not seen as an option. Like, gender is seen as an immovable object, like you can't do anything about it. So any time you even see someone... There's that song based on the Alison Bechdel cartoon Ring of Keys, where she sees a butch and she's like, "Oh my god!" She's eight years old in a diner and she sees a butch, and she's just like, "Is that a thing that you can do?" 

The butch was not a messiah, the butch was just hanging out going to a diner, but you can do incredible things just by existing publicly. 

My only experience with trans people up until I was an upperclassman in high school was through porn. And that was the only way that I knew that trans people existed, which is really fucked up. 'Cause I never really knew that trans people existed outside of a fetish, if that makes sense.

Yeah. Is your friend doing okay?

Oh, yeah, she's doing great. She's awesome, yeah. I'll have to send her this interview. She'll geek out. I don't know if she wants me to name who she is, so I won't say anything. 

Probably not.

Yeah, I'm not gonna say anything. No, she's sweet.

Well, thanks for talking to me.

Yeah, thank you for having me. This is fun! 

Find Sammy online: Sammy Heck Bandcamp Deep Sea Records Sammy Heck on Facebook

Note: A little bit after our interview, Sammy moved to Philly, but while we’re talking about Baltimore, I actually travelled there a couple weeks ago and interviewed two awesome local musicians, so look forward to that in Season 2!

More information about Kanautica:

Kanautica Zayre Brown is a Black trans woman who has been denied transfer to a women’s facility. You can read more about her story on The Root. 

I know that most of the people reading this right now are trans, and trans people generally hate phone calls. It’s also scary if you don’t know who's going to be on the other end. But we’ve gotta stand up for each other y’all. If we don’t, who will? And if you want to send her some money, she and her husband Dionne’s cash app is $007db. 

Example script: 

"I'm calling to demand that you transfer Kanautica Zayre-Brown (inmate number 0618705) to a women's prison in accordance with her wishes, the Prison Rape Elimination Act, and The U.S. Federal Bureau of Prisons Transgender Offender Manual. Kanautica needs to be moved to a women's facility to affirm her identity and ensure her rights and safety" 

More numbers to call: 

Harnett County Sherriff’s Office: (910) 893 8111 

Harnett Correctional Institution: (910) 893 2751 

NC Department of Corrections: (919) 838 4000 

NC Department of Public Safety: (919) 733 2126

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“Any Other Way” by Jackie Shane  May 15, 1940 – February 22, 2019  Rest in power. 

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iTunes - Spotify - Stitcher - Google Play Music - Bandcamp

Audrey Ayers played lead guitar for emo rockers The Mineral Girls, and has a new solo project called Problem Addict. I got to talk with her recently about her hometown, her upcoming album and being very, very depressed. 

The thing I liked most about this interview is that her whole deal as both an artist and person is facing your mistakes and your power head on. 

Listen, read the transcript, and see pictures over on the Durham Beat website: Artist Profile: Audrey Ayers 

Or listen to the episode on your favorite podcast player: iTunes: https://apple.co/2QshVNS Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2Flad6m Stitcher: https://bit.ly/2CULDYx Google Play: https://bit.ly/2CUF9ZT 

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Today’s featured track is “awoo$yuu” from the Columbus, Ohio noise queens [X]treme [T]rans (furry) [C]ollective. It sounds like the background music that comes out when you turn on a radio in a post-apocalyptic survival video game. 

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Sinclair Palmer on Appropriation, Music School, and Being A Hired Gun

When you go to as many local shows as I do, you start to notice the regulars. The drummer who splits his time between seven metal bands. The keyboard player who also plays saxophone and also also works sound at your favorite cafe. Sinclair Palmer is one of those people. They are a grad student in musicology at UNC Chapel Hill, a violin and bass teacher, and they play electric bass for two awesome local bands: The Muslims, a radical punk band, and Caique Vidal and Batuque, an orchestra-sized samba reggae group. (They’re also a Durham Beat contributing writer.) 

I went to visit Sinclair at their little cabin by a creek in Hillsborough, North Carolina. We talked about their bands, their post-graduation plans, and then got really, really deep into a conversation about cultural appropriation in music.  

Listen to Season 1, Episode 6 of the Trans Music Podcast below: 

iTunes - Spotify - Stitcher - Google Play Music - Bandcamp

Read the transcript and see more portraits of them over on the Durham Beat: Artist Profile: Sinclair Palmer

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Album Breakdown: Girlpool's "What Chaos is Imaginary"  by new Trans Music contributor, Sullivan Haine 

Girlpool’s core consists of Cleo Tucker and Harmony Tividad and was formed in Los Angeles, CA back in 2014. The duo released their first EP in November of that year, then an album the next June, with Wichita Recordings. 

If I had to describe Girlpool’s latest album in one word, it would be “chill.” Released on Feb 1 by ANTI-Records, “What Chaos is Imaginary comes in strong with “Lucy’s,” catching the ear with a classic guitar riff, matched with bluesy vocals. Harmony and Tucker’s voices are each unique, and Tucker’s has deepened over the past year. Tucker’s lyrical partner Harmony taught him how to harmonize, drawing on her past in choir, according to a recent interview in i-D. 

But he has obviously come into it, as “All Blacked Out” is raspy, calming, almost like Tucker is singing quietly into your ear rather than through the headphones. “Watch you lay your head, sitting onbricks in Philadelphia,” sings Tucker over a twangy guitar. “Lucky Joke” speaks straight to my innermost anxieties and was by far my favorite track on the record. “A stroke of genius can make you careless,” sings Tividad in this track. 

“Hire” is also a great song to listen to when you’re fighting the man and trying to get a job. “Advertise what makes you crazy,” sings Tucker. While in the band has been vocal about difficulties they have faced over the past year, it is clear they are starting out 2019 strong with this album. 

Follow Sullivan on instagram and twitter @poolpartygay 

Editor’s Note: Due to a poorly timed stomach flu, this week’s podcast episode will be released tomorrow. 

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Play Season 1, Episode 5 of the Trans Music Podcast in the player below: 

iTunes - Spotify - Stitcher - Google Play Music - Bandcamp 

This profile is a collaboration with the Durham Beat. Read the full interview transcript and see photos that I took of Asa on their website: Artist Profile: Asa Coaxum

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The HIRS Collective on Conflict, Violence, Theft, and Being Cool

Listen to Season 1, Episode 4 of the Trans Music Podcast by clicking the player above, or listen on: iTunes - Spotify - Stitcher - Google Play Music - Bandcamp

Back in September, I got to speak with two members of the HIRS collective, a punk band from Philadelphia. If I were to try and pin a genre on them, I would call it grindcore. Really abrasive, sort of punk, thrashy, sort of heavy metal. Another trademark of theirs is really really short songs. Some of them are as short as 18 seconds -- too short to put on most music streaming services, in some cases. 

Friends. Lovers. Favorites. by HIRS

If you don’t recognize their band name, HIRS, it’s actually a gender neutral pronoun. I use gender neutral pronouns myself -- I use they/them pronouns -- which I think are the most popular ones in English. But there are other gender neutral pronoun sets, and probably the second most popular is Ze/Hir/Hirs pronouns.

Example sentence: Ze went to the store to get hirself a sandwich.

That’s what their band name is referencing, just putting that out there for people who might not have heard of that one.

This interview was recorded at about 1 in the morning, at my friend Jesse’s house. I had been up all day at my job, they had been driving all day (and then played a show obviously). The house itself was full of loud punks, and the only place we could find to record was Jesse’s son’s bedroom. Jesse’s son really likes transformers, so we made a lot of trans-transformers puns, Luckily for you, I cut them all out in the editing process.

Another note: They don’t like having their faces in photos. 

We talked about their organizational philosophy, tokenization in punk, and using violent music as an outlet in a violent world. 

Riley: So, y'all always call yourselves a collective and not a band. What does "collective" mean to you? Collective Member B: I mean, I think we can be both. We have the ability to change and not just be one thing, if that makes sense? We can do weird stuff, or add folks to the mix, or have people come in and out. There's not one main person, or not one main idea. It's just more of an entity than a band, maybe, too. So how does that work when it comes to decision-making? Collective Member B: Depending on who's involved, that's how we talk about it and go from there. So the resolution of conflict is just having conversation? Collective Member B: What, are you saying we have conflict? Everyone has conflict. B: Uhh, but yes. Conversation is the resolution to conflict. A: We're pretty good about talking through stuff. We're all old and mature-ish, at least when it comes to talking about our feelings and stuff like that. So we're usually pretty good about being like, "Hey, I wasn't really into what you just did," and you just be like, "Oh, I'm sorry, why?" And then we're just like, "'Cause it made me feel this way." "Oh, I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention." I don't know, we're nerds like that, I guess. B: I agree. I like being a nerd. A: Yeah. Nerd about feelings? Sweet. B: Call-in culture instead of callout culture. When I was talking y'all's pictures, you don't really like having your faces in pictures; you don't like using your own names for interviews; you like speaking sort of as a group. So is that because you wanna be anonymous and not have your personal lives associated with a project, or is it because you don't like the idea of personal celebrity? B: Personally, I think both, for sure. Yeah, both is a solid answer to that. A: Yeah, I think at least for me, it's more the second one. Cause just like... I don't need that. As far as the first one, I'm fine with... B: What, people knowing who we are? I feel like even when... This is gonna be audio, not print, right? Both. For accessibility, basically. B: Both? Okay. So I like when in print, no matter who does the interviews, 'cause there's been a few of us that have been just using plural, like "we" or "the collective" or whatever, instead of "I," because dismantling the power of power, and one person speaking for everyone, type thing. I don't know, I personally think that we try to invite people into the collective or associate ourselves with folks that we can trust to answer things in a way that we agree with.

A: Yeah, I agree with that. 

So y'all are from Philly- B: Some of us. Well, your group is based in Philly, right?  B: We're based there, yeah. And you've existed since 2011, right? How is the scene different, especially the queer punk scene in Philly different? It's been seven years. B: I think less Philly, but just overall punk scene involving queers, watching it go through all of its stages, queerness and transness has a bigger platform now. It's being more talked about, which also means that it is also co-opted by folks. So I feel like I don't know collectively how many shows we go to, or who is going to what show, or whatever. But I know I personally choose the shows I go to, 'cause in Philly there's a show every night. And I personally choose the shows that I go to [because]I want to support my friends. And a lot of that is based around queerness or transness, or Black folks, or just marginalized and oppressed folks. But yeah, I think the scene has more of a voice, but at the same time it's like... weird version of... it's cool to support that stuff, too, if that makes sense. All of a sudden. B: Or it's cool to use certain language and go to this show, and you know this band, and you know this trans person, or whatever. Do you feel tokenized? B: Definitely did. When we were starting to play, and just playing with other fast, thrashy bands, yeah, sometimes. And I think that often people do like our music or do like our message, but also will gravitate towards it sometimes just because that's the cool, liberal, right thing to do, or something. Yeah, I don't know. I also think that we're entertaining, and we have a decent message, and it makes sense when people like us. But some eye rolls, some not. Definitely think there's tokenization, and there will always be tokenization in punk, whether it's marginalized and/or oppressed folks, or just like... cool studs. Where it’s just like, "I'm friends with that person because of how many studs they have," or "I'm friends with this person because of how they're dressed or what their tattoos are, and not because they have good ethics and because they're a dork or something." A: I agree, and that's fine. B: Tokenization is... I don't wanna take away from it, or use that word for... I dunno. It's cool to be cool, and people will always follow what's cool, or right, or hip, or whatever's gonna get you the most punk points, or I'm-a-good-person points. Whether it's an Emma Goldman t-shirt or booking a trans band.

THE SECOND 100 SONGS by HIRS

B: Sure, totally. So your message is very angry a lot of the time. B: Can be. Not only. Right, you've got some sweet stuff in there. You like talking about your friends and how much you love them, but also there's a lot of pretty violent images and stuff in your songs, and a lot of energy, it seems to me, at least. B: Do you consider than energy violent? I think your message to me seems very pro-violence, pro-self-defense, pro-fighting-back. B: Oh, I guess I meant energy like watching us, or something like that. But I definitely don't think we're anti-violence. But also very supportive of deescalation and violence not happening. But I think violence is also very important, not only as a last resort but sometimes as a main thing. But yeah.

So how do you maintain that level of passion and anger, and almost a revenge kind of feeling, but then also live a normal life, and keep the rage from consuming you. B: That might be a bad question for me, because I think as a trans woman, it's impossible to live a normal life. I can't live a normal life; my life is pretty intense. And I'm kind of surrounded by violence all the time. So I don't know if you wanna answer that in a different way. A: I mean, for me, you have to live life. You have to work and do normal stuff, and then I feel like this group is kind of a way to channel that. And so I feel like as people, I'm pretty mellow, but then when we play, it's a chance to break out of our normal lives and just let it out. B: Not only when we play, but when we write to get across our feelings that we don't get to share with people every day through normal talking to people. I guess that's what my question really was. How do you maintain good mental health and sort of a sense of inner peace, and then also really channel these angry feelings on such a frequent basis? B: I think that's just existing. I know a handful of members take different meds, or practice different... I'm pretty sure that everyone in the collective suffers from some sort of mental illness, or anxiety, or feeling outcast, you know? And the world we live in is pretty difficult to be in, and I think being a part of the collective, being able to talk about it openly, or just use it like music and art as an antidepressant, as an anti-anxiety, as a way to get everything out, that's a huge part of the collective as a whole. Not only that, but reaching out to folks to, and being like, "Yo, we suffer from this," going back to the celebrity shit, like "we're not cool, we're not not cool, we're not better than anyone, or healthy and great and just up there doing... We're here, and we're doing this. You can too. This is what keeps a lot of us alive. This is how we get a lot of our shit out." A: Yeah, that's what I was gonna say, too. It's easy to keep angry; I think there's plenty of things to constantly always be mad about. But then I feel like this group is a way that we cope with all of our feelings, and the things that we're upset about. Most time, at least for me, I feel like I repress feelings more than I probably should to cope, but then this is a little bit of a platform to kind of let out some of those feelings that I try to not let poke out in my regular, everyday life. B: And a lot of that stuff, we talk about not necessarily in a literal way, but a very open way. And medication: there's so many different types of medication, and this is definitely one of them. For me. A: We do have a handful of positive songs. B: I think we have more than a handful of positive songs. A: It's like, there was lots of things that we're mad about. There's also a lot of things that we're just like, "There are some good things happening."

THE SECOND 100 SONGS by HIRS

B: Totally! Or I guess what I was gonna say is, not trying to make it sound more important than it is, but I know a lot of us struggle with being in public, or social anxiety, and I've definitely struggled with not feeling like I'm being active enough in the world of activism, whether it's protests or whatever. But I also think that us writing things, and releasing things, and speaking to people, or doing interviews are their own forms of activism, and protest, and support. And just being like, "We're still alive," that's a very positive thing. It doesn't mean it's not super hard, but we're here, and not only are we here for each other as a collective, but we're here for... Like, we're playing shows because it feels good to us, but we know that there are other folks that it's empowering for. I don't ever wanna think that we're entitled to people coming to shows. That's not why we play these shows; we play them 'cause it feels good for us, and when we find out that other people are getting something from it, it's just this big spiral of "What?! You like that?! I like that! You like that?! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!"

A: Or "You hate that!? I hate that!" [All laugh] Or just like, "You feel really uncomfortable in that situation? So do I!" At least I hope we can kind of show people that it's normal and it's okay to have feelings that are sometimes considered negative. B: [farts] Nice. I'm gonna leave that in, for sure. B: I hope so! I'd be really upset if you didn't.

So this is the most inane question. So y'all reissued your 1st 100 Songs from the beginning of your band, but on the Bandcamp there's only 99 songs. What's the 100th song? B: We removed one. We did a medley of an old band, and it's good, but that band is full of good ol' boy... I dunno, they have rebel flags and shit, so it's just like, we don't need to continue to support them. There was an apology song about it. We were like, "Sorry we did that. Those riffs are sick. That doesn't mean that we should've covered those songs." It's Pantera. Whatever. It's not the worst band ever. It could have been way worse. We also covered a Weekend Nachos song, and those dudes are cop sympathizers. Like, whatever. Just chose not to put that in there because our 2nd 100 Songs has 101 songs. You know, we just made up for it. So the first 200 songs double LP had 200 songs. Exactly 200 songs. B: But if you really wanna fuck with people, we couldn't get the rights to the "Weird Al" Yankovic song that we did a parody of. Yeah. We parodied a "Weird Al" song, but we just changed it back to the normal song. [Laughs] You parodied it by singing the original? B: Yeah, we just unparodied it. Oh, okay. I don't think that's a parody; I think that's just a cover. B: What if there's accordion on it? I think that's still just a cover, but maybe a little worse. B: Tell Weird Al that. Okay. You know what? Hey Weird Al, if you're listening to this right now... B: No! I love all of your polka medleys! I am only one of 69 HIRS Collective members, but... Weird Al, some of your stuff? Your whole "fascist imagery is cute" thing that you've done recently? Not into it. Not into it, bud. 

B: Oh I did not see that! 

I went to a "Weird Al" concert with my 12-year-old brother, and it was... B: Oh, no, totally. I'm sure you have a brother. You didn't go to it by yourself. Yeah, and there was a picture of him, like... B: It's like North Korea stuff, right? It was basically faux-Stalin stuff, yeah. And I was just like, "Huh, this is... tasteful." B: I forget what it's called, but there was a... [Sighs] damn it. You're ruining "Al" of these things for me.

Well that's relevant, so as you grow and change as musicians, and people, and work on your ethics, and find new collective members who have new perspectives on things, and you're like, "Oh, we fucked up in 2012 with this song," but there's 45 vinyl copies of it in someone's basement, what do you about that? Like what's the strategy?  B: Write a song that apologizes for it, and be accountable for it. I dunno, I still love all those riffs, but from now on, if there's a solid riff that a shitty band full of jerks are playing, we'll just take that, and then make our own song out of it. And then we don't have to listen to that band play it; we can listen to us play it. But also, apologize. Like, I dunno, "We're sorry for that." But yeah, just be accountable. And steal from assholes. It's also hard to be original. Yeah, there's nothing original. B: There's creative, and I think that we do do creative things, and that we try to do things that aren't boring. I think that we've written songs that are original. But I also bet if anyone was ever like, "Oh, this one song that you wrote, there's this other song that sounds exactly like it." And I'd just be like, "Oh. Well, that makes sense." I really hope that no one ever says, "Oh, that new HIRS record sure sounds like their old record. I hope that we're always doing things that maybe are creative, or that feel good to hear, that just aren't boring. Always have one part that sticks out in every song. Even if they're 30 seconds. B: Um, absolutely if they're 30 seconds! A: You can have one part that sticks out, or a song that doesn't have a part that sticks out, and that song sticks out because it doesn't have a part that sticks out. B: Boom. It's a minimalist song. B: Yeah, but it's still good. I personally have definitely wrote filler songs, but with good intention. You can only do so much with five seconds, you know what I mean? But yeah, make it weird; make it good; make it mean something. Or just make it funny and entertaining, or something. And if it's none of those things, don't play it live. 

THE FIRST 100 SONGS by HIRS

A: Make it something that you enjoy. B: Yeah, totally! A: We've never done anything like that before, but there are definitely bands that'll write for their fans, and we just have to write shit that we like. If we don't like it, then we're throwing it away. B: Yeah, that's it! We've done silly, goofy, weird stuff, but I think that we've always been like, "Yeah, that was fun!" Maybe not even the songs, but the project itself, or something. Just at least the idea of it. If you're doing it for someone beside yourself, and you're not getting... Oh, whatever. I was gonna say if you're not getting a whole bunch of money, 'cause that just makes everyone doing it for a whole bunch of money... whatever. If you have an ethical, political, radical band and you're doing it for money, you're a butthole. But everyone needs to eat, and whatever. B: What's that? I mean, everyone needs to eat, but... B: Totally! Fair enough. However you get the agenda out there. As long as it's a good one, fuckin' do it. Everyone needs to eat. You know, some people should really learn about that. Some higher-ups somewhere. It's so true! Yeah, some of those people who seem to keep things rolling. B: That are seemingly able to eat fine. Yeah! Maybe they should hear about this new concept that we all need to eat. That'd be cool. Maybe we should phone them up and be like, "Hey, did you know that all humans require sustenance?" Maybe they just haven't heard.  B: I mean, I think that they think that if you're not able to have it, you're obviously just not working hard enough. Yeah! 

Alright, well, on that note. It's like one in the morning! B: All people deserve food. And steal from jerks. And be yourself. The idea of better is just that: an idea. But it does change, and you do have support. Sweet. Well thanks for talking to me. And shoutout to Jesse's kid Dillon for letting us use his panda sheets to do an interview on. B: Dillon's not here, right? 'Cause this is where I'm sleeping tonight.

No, Dillon's not here, Dillon will be here tomorrow. B: Okay! I was like, "I'll take the couch." Cool. Thanks! B: Thanks, Dillon. Thanks, Riley! Yeah, no problem!

After we turned the microphone off, we ate some cold french fries and then I went home and went to bed. 

Find the HIRS Collective on the Internet: 

Website: http://hirs666.com/  Bandcamp: https://hirs.bandcamp.com/  @HIRS666 on most social media 

Find us elsewhere on the internet:

iTunes: https://apple.co/2QshVNS (If you have an iTunes account, please leave a review so we beat all the anti-trans sermons!) Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2Flad6m Google Play: https://bit.ly/2CUF9ZT Our Website: https://transmusic.org/tagged/podcast Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr: @transgendermusic Twitter: @transmusicorg

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Today’s featured track is Canzonetta No. 3 by Debra Grace Peri, a composer from Olympia Washington. 

I don’t often get to review classical music on here, but I’ll try... *cracks knuckles* 

Despite being called a Canzonetta, which usually refers to a 16th century Italian pop song, to me it sounds more like the Primitivist fad in orchestra music in the 1910s. Anyway, according to a Youtube wormhole I just went down, other more modern composers have used the name for light, pastoral pieces. But you can definitely hear a madrigal flair, especially near the end of the piece, when the loose structure settles into a light dance. I’m looking forward to seeing where this series is going, and I would love to hear these pieces played with live instruments. 

Hear more on her Bandcamp 

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A.W. Weiss on Living Room Tours, Their Dead Name, and Still Being Emo

Listen to Season 1, Episode 3 of the Trans Music Podcast by clicking the player above, or listen on: iTunes - Spotify - Stitcher - Google Play Music - Bandcamp

Do you know that Robyn song, Call Your Girlfriend? Well for a long time, I thought it was written by this week’s guest, A.W. Weiss, because their cover of the song is just so great.

I’ve listened to A.W.’s music for a long time, so I was so excited that I had the opportunity to interview them when they stopped in Chapel Hill, North Carolina on their living room tour a couple months ago. We had to do the interview pretty quickly, because they had a show to put on, but we still got to talk about their new sound, their new country music project, and transitioning as an already-famous person.

Riley: So the last time that I saw you play was in 2015. You were on tour with Mal Blum and Kid in the Attic promoting your last album; it was really good. A.W. Weiss: Yeah, that was a great tour. And since then, you've changed your name…

Mmhmm.

Come out as nonbinary…

Yup.

Gone blond…

Sure have!

And left your label.

Ha! Well, my label left me, but that's a whole thing in and of itself. Do you want to talk about it?

If you want to kick it off. Yeah, let's kick it off with that note! Kick it off with that! Earlier this year, the label I was on decided to not be a label anymore, which is a bummer, 'cause they were really cool before. And then they kind of restructured, I guess we'll say, to be diplomatic. They're not putting out records anymore, essentially.

Okay, so it wasn't just you. No, it wasn't just me. It was everybody on the label. How do you restructure and not put out records anymore? You become what is called a catalog label, which means you just keep making the stuff that you've already made and sell it online and distribute it, and stuff like that. Super boring. Essentially not a label. Sure, like a copyright holder. Yeah, something like that. So yeah, that's kind of what happened, which was at first really scary, 'cause I was under contract to make a couple more records with them. So I was like, "What am I gonna do now?" But I'm sort of embracing being independent. Cool. How is touring without label support? You know, I've never really had label support because I've never been on the kind of label that really gives that kind of support, as far as financial stuff goes. So I'm kind of just touring the same way I've always been touring, aside from the fact that this particular tour is in people's living rooms instead of in venues.

Has it been cool playing small shows? Yeah, I love it personally. It's been kind of my favorite way to tour so far, actually, 'cause I feel like the way I perform, especially when I'm solo, really lends itself to this super intimate... like, I talk a lot, so it's nice in people's living rooms. It makes more sense than in a bar. Sure. I'm excited to see part of your set tonight. It's been fun.

Say What You Mean by A.W.

An old song of A.W.’s that I sing in the car a lot.

So you're playing just you on guitar?

Yep, just me.

That's really cool. 

Thanks! 

Has it been hard promoting stuff with the new name?

Yeah, and I am totally cool with people saying "(formerly Allison Weiss)" in parenthesis, or whatever, but also, because I'm so excited about the changes and everything, I just kind of forget to tell people that's okay. And I think people who promote the shows are very nice, and so they don't automatically assume they can say that, so then as a result... I actually had the first show of touring in L.A., somebody came to the show and he came up and talked to me at the merch table afterwards. He was like, "You know, it's really funny, I've been listening to your music for 10 years, but I didn't realize until I got here, because I just got the email in my inbox that said 'A.W.', and I was like, 'Oh, that sounds cool,' and then it wasn't till I was watching you play that I recognized the songs and was like, 'Oh, I know this artist!'" 

So I love that somebody literally came to a show just because they were like, "Oh, whose mailing list is this?" And then they realized at the show that they already knew who I was.

That says good things about that person. That's adventurous.

Yeah, it does, actually. That's an adventurous person who's just down to go see a show.

It's actually really nice to hear that people don't assume they can deadname you all the time.

Yeah, right? It's been cool, actually, that that hasn't happened. I mean, the only times it really happens is people accidentally come to shows and don't know. And they'll be like, "I'm so excited to see you," and use my old name and stuff. Then I usually don't say anything until I'm onstage, and then I announce it, and I'm sure they're like, "Oh no!"

Oh, God. So you have to come out constantly.

Yeah, I kind of have to come out constantly. But I knew, because I've been playing music for 10 years under my old name, that that was gonna be something that was gonna have to happen. So I'm prepared for it.

That's still rough.

It's still rough, but I'm prepared for it, so it's okay. You know what I mean? That's how my weirdo brain works. I feel like if I can prepare for chaos, then it's not as stressful.

I can see that. I can definitely see that. So tell me about your new country music project.

I've got a new country music project. It's, like, Americana. I actually don't really know how it's gonna turn out recorded. All I know is when I get back to L.A., I wanna play some shows; I wanna be a band. But I've been writing a bunch of songs on this tour for this project, which I'm calling Charlie Mountain. [Note: it’s spelled Charlie Mtn.]

Solo for now? Yeah. Well it's funny that I have a new band that's also just me. So I intend to perform with a band, and solo sometimes; we'll see what happens.

What inspired you to go in that direction? I sort of realized that a lot of the songs I write start out as folky country songs, and then I will produce them into pop songs. But then, especially on older records, there always ended up being soft, folky, country sort of songs that didn't, to me, really fit in with the other ones, but I put them on there anyway 'cause I really liked them. And now that I, with my A.W. project, am moving even more in the pop vein, the folky stuff fits even less. It's funny because I don't really have a southern accent, but when I saw your name it really comes out, 'cause I keep wanting to call you "A. Dubya." A. Dubya! You're right, it just rolls off the tongue! [Both laugh]  Every time I'm telling people, "Oh, I'm gonna interview A. Dubya this weekend," it's like, no. No, I like it! A lot of my friends have taken to calling me "A. Dubs" or "Dubs," or stuff like that. Or "Dubya" even, which is funny 'cause of the ex-president. But I don't mind it; I like it.

So you just put out a single, Different Now.

Yeah, a couple weeks ago. And you did it alone. Tell me about making it, putting it together, deciding to release it. Well, it was a song that I recorded. I originally intended for it to come out at the same time as the last single I put out, which was Runaway, like a year or so ago. And then stuff just kept getting delayed with the label and we didn't really know what to do with it. So it was just like, delay, delay, delay, delay. And then finally I was like, "Man, I really love this song, and my voice is changing. I need to get this out before it's too different from how I sound right now, before it's weird." So I used TuneCore, one of those do-it-yourself things, and just put it on Spotify, 'cause I was like, "Who cares? I just want it out. I just wanna put it out."

It's a great song. It's also so pop. It is 100% pop music. Thank you! I really love how it turned out, and I hope that a lot of people hear it, but you know what? If they don't, that's chill too. Oh yeah, so you have to do all the promotion yourself? Yeah, pretty much. Man, okay. I put it on the website. I really like it. Thank you! I love that.

You just got married recently, right? Two years ago now. Two years on October 29, yeah. Congratulations! That's what I'm trying to get home for. It was like, "You can go on tour all by yourself for a whole month as long as you're home by the anniversary," and I'm like, "Okay." Gotta like, drive across Texas. Get home. That's reasonable. So you write a lot of love songs. How has the love song writing process changed after being a married person? Oh my gosh, I love that you asked this because I literally have a bit that I say on stage about how people ask, "How do you write songs now that you're in a relationship?" And I say, "Luckily I never get over anything," which is legit how I write songs. I have a stack of journals from my youth that sometimes I go through. I'm a very nostalgic person; I'm also a very obsessive person, so I can go over the same memory a billion times for my entire life. Just keep mining it for that material. Exactly! Straight up, that's a good way to think of it, yeah. I mine every heartbreak I've ever had for those types of songs, for sure. You're just like, "I've been happily married for 20 years, but man. That girl in high school? Fuck that girl." There were straight up songs about high school relationships on the record I put out in 2015. So yeah, you're not wrong.

They hit you really hard though, high school relationships.

It's true, they're some of the most powerful. I've actually been trying to embrace the way that I felt then as something that I can still feel now as an adult. 'Cause I feel like there's the label of being emo, and that sort of shit. But I feel like, thanks to the internet, there's a whole community of people who are my age still, and who still wanna talk about feelings, and listen to emo music, and be nostalgic, and still do that. So I'm like, "I don't need to necessarily grow up. I can still be emo and write emo songs." I feel like as you get older, your friends also don't wanna hear about it. Like when you're 15, your friends are all like, "Oh my God... so dramatic." And then when you're an adult, your friends are like, "Oh, they ghosted you? Cool…?" Yeah, they're like, "Oh yeah, that's because you're..." Yeah, I don't even know what they're saying. But totally. Friends don't care as much. So I can write those things into songs. So what's next for you? I am figuring that out. I think that's what part of this tour is about for me. Since I decided to do this by myself, I don't have anybody helping me drive, so it's just me out here, all alone. I'm trying to figure out what I want and what I wanna do. And I think that that's just, like, write songs and play shows. So I think I'm gonna be doing a lot more of this living room touring, because for someone like me, I've got a smaller, but very excited, rabid fanbase. So playing these living room shows is a way that I can do what I do, and it's still sustainable, so it's pretty exciting. I'm actually really stoked on it. So hopefully I'll put together another one, maybe for the spring or something like that. And then I wanna make a Charlie Mtn. record, and I gotta make a new A.W. record, so, just gotta write a lot of songs. 

A song from the Charlie Mtn. project that was in the soundtrack to Far Cry 5, a video game.

It's been going well, though? 'Cause you're halfway through the month.

Oh yeah, it's been great. I love it. I'm kind of sad that it's gonna be over soon. But I'm sure after driving 36 hours through Texas, I will be ready to be home. You know, maybe sleep in my own bed.

I'm sure. That's really cool. [Notices the time is 7:52 pm] So it's about time for you to go on stage-

I love that you say "on stage" too, because it's just my backdrop I set up. And I get on stage at, like, 7:59 for the 8:00 pm show. 7:52 pm is like, "We've got plenty of time." 

Just for context for those listening, what kind of car is this?

This is a sweet Chevy Malibu. I think it's the newest one; it's a rental car.

We're in a rental Chevy Malibu in someone's driveway in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. They are about to go on a stage that they constructed out of poles and cloth in someone's living room. There's about eight queers sitting on the couch.

So far! Hopefully there's more by the time it starts. I think this one's 15 people maybe, so it's gonna be nice and intimate.

A.W. in their rented Chevy Malibu

We've literally watched people walk around the car trying to find what door they're supposed to go in, 'cause it's just someone's house. And everyone seems really excited. It's really cool.

Yeah, I think it's gonna be good. Well, thanks for talking to me. Yeah, thank you for chilling in my rental car. Oh yeah! [Both laugh] 

After we stopped recording, I was able to stick around for half of A.W.’s set, but I had to leave early to go play a show of my own! One of my bands was playing a local music festival. A.W. was sweet enough to come and watch me play, and then we walked around downtown Chapel Hill at midnight taking the pictures you’ve seen throughout this post.

A.W. Weiss is an LA-based pop musician originally from a small town in Georgia. Find them online:

Music: http://listentoaw.com Graphic design: http://wereolfgf.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/listentoaw

Find us elsewhere on the internet:

iTunes: https://apple.co/2QshVNS (If you have an iTunes account, please leave a review!) Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2Flad6m Google Play: https://bit.ly/2CUF9ZT Our Website: https://transmusic.org/tagged/podcast Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr: @transgendermusic Twitter: @transmusicorg

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Here are some more shots from the photoshoot I did with Kae Diaz for their podcast episode last week. Anyone excited for the third episode tomorrow?

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Premiere: Asher Brown’s “Wash Me Clean” 

You’re sitting on a rock on the edge of a wide lake. 

They haven’t texted you back in a day. Wait... two days. You thought this would be like your other breakups. False starts, over in a couple hours after a teary “I love you” phone call. But still, no texts, and your anger turns into something else. Surprise and loss and maybe something a little stronger. Your shoulders feel broader. You finally feel the weight of their expectations lifting, and then you start to wonder. What do you want? What do you need? 

You expand into the right shape. You jump into the lake. 

Iowa singer-songwriter Asher Brown released a new single today called Wash Me Clean, about shedding the last bit of a breakup. Piano, drums, guitar, and his warm, Americana voice. 

The fog in my gut Has cleared in your wake I can’t remember the last time I stood on my own  

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Cat Tatt’s music is deceptively simple. Guitar, drums and vocals. Straightforward punk textures. But it’s the twists that they take that are so surprising. All of a sudden the rhythm is completely different. A beat got skipped over and the song is still walking along, but on a different leg. The same with the lyrics -- the word that ends a sentence starts the next, but the meaning changes, taking a left turn. I’ve never wanted to dance to math rock before. 

The blank canvas  The battleground of my back, twisted and flat  Flush around the spine Designed to be  Lifted in sinews that burn through skin  Unexpecting The stealth of the softness that surrounds me  Sturdy  Like home  And asking  Though the answers aren’t so easy

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The Trans Music Podcast, Season 1, Episode 2

If you’ve been to any of Raleigh, North Carolina's queer venues, or a local punk show with more than two women in it, or any Girls Rock NC event in the last three years, you’ve probably come across Kae Diaz. Kae is a singer, a drummer, a ukulele player, a bartender, a photographer, and in general a pillar of the local queer DIY scene. They play the electric ukulele and drums in an indie rock project called Fruit Snack, and as it happens, we are actually currently both in a punk country band called Severed Fingers. I recently went to visit Kae and talk about finding collaborators, what the music scene is like in the Mojave desert where they grew up, and the challenges of creating a space for the art you want to see.

This profile is a collaboration with the Durham Beat. Read the full interview transcript and see photos that I took of Kae at home on their website: Artist Profile: Kae Diaz 

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Meet next week's Trans Music Podcast guest! Kae Diaz and I had band practice last night. They sing and I play fiddle in a loud, queer country band called Severed Fingers.

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You're sitting in the coffee shop and a smooth jam comes on. You ask the barista "Are you playing That Ghost again?" 

"No," she says. "This is Jungheim's new album. I think they're from Chicago." 

I'm not a piece of the puzzle... Am I contributing to the roadkill? When will this be enough? When will I fit together?  Is life supposed to be this tough on me?"

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I find this 15-minute lo-fi guitar and whale sounds track so relaxing. When I listen to it, I imagine a Werner Herzog documentary about the ocean or a time lapse video of someone building a canoe. It’s called The Lake and it’s by an Ohio ambient musician (inappropriately) called Let’s Fight.