twshitlord

[twshitlord]

To any trans person: If you endured any trauma before coming out as trans, especially as a kid and especially if it was sexual, please double and triple think about your gender dysphoria. Try to see if you actually genuinely are trans but came across some bumpy things before realizing it, or if it’s because your brain is coping with the trauma and your brain has convinced itself that transitioning and ‘being someone different’ and looking different can help run away from the trauma.

It’s better to realize you weren’t trans, you were just coping with trauma any way you could, and detransition early on, than to detransition after medically transitioning or having surgeries done. (Which if a person realizes they aren’t trans and they’re years into transition that’s totally okay and I support you)

The brain copes in crazy ways, and a way to help yourself is to detach yourself from the internet for a while and to just be with yourself and see how you feel and how your future feels.

You are supported

[twshitlord]

Shit this got me out here cryin in the club

TERFS do not interact

[twshitlord]

any advice about dealing with insecurity about dating being trans? :/ my bf is super sweet n accepting n all that good stuff but I can't get it out of my mind it'd be better if he wasn't with me even tho he really wouldn't bother with me if he wasn't very interested n shows he is

Learning to accept yourself and feeling like you’re worthy of love is a process. I definitely understand, and I still struggle with the feeling that I have to be grateful for whatever little attention I can garner.

Be patient with yourself, but try to think in positive terms. Look for the best in yourself, and allow yourself to feel good about yourself in spite of your doubts.

I hope you can make progress on your journey towards self-acceptance, and I’m glad to hear it sounds like you have a good partner by your side to support you.

All the best, Anon.

[twshitlord]

Glad to see you’re still around! How are you doing man?

Honestly, I’m not super active anymore. I’ve been working full-time as a manager in food service while I work on my MA/wait to get a teaching job, and I really just don’t come on tumblr much these days.

I suppose I’ve also just sort of gotten to a point in my life and transition where I really don’t think much about being trans. I’m a man on paper, among my friends and family, and with my coworkers. I’ve reached a point where I’m stealth, but if my trans identity were to come out, I’d honestly say that I don’t disclose it because it’s such a small aspect of my life now.

The other day I was looking in the mirror and thinking about how I’d almost forgotten that I’d ever not had a flat chest, and the fact that I had had surgery was almost unreal to me at this point. It’s just who I am and how I am.

I really hope that every trans man and woman can reach that point in their life, when life is just everything but worrying about passing or dysphoria or agonizing about reinventing backstories about childhood and adolescence. Do I get dysphoric sometimes? Yeah. I still want bottom surgery some day so that my trans-ness can fade into even more obscurity in my mind, and I greatly anticipate the point in my life at which I have lived as a man longer than I ever was a “girl.” Even just three years of living like a man has been the most natural and comfortable adjustment of my life.

I hope all y’all out there are still doing well, I hope that you’re all prospering and persevering. I know sometimes in the midst of planning for future hormones and surgeries, we get lost in the frustration of the wait, but please keep in mind that eventually your time will come and you will be able to find peace with yourself and your body.

Take care, everyone. Hang in there, and I hope that you all find happiness.

[twshitlord]

Sometimes things just take time and understanding to negotiate.

Wow. The patience, kindness and calm communication skills. Outstanding.

From raindovemodel

[twshitlord]

Honestly misinformation about dysphoria is one of the biggest downfalls for people

I just saw someone who said “I only experience dysphoria sometimes so that means I’m genderfluid” and I feel so fucking bad for them

Like

You’re trans buddy. There’s no need to use overcomplicated labels. Fluctuating dysphoria is a real thing - I have it and it fucking sucks because it makes me think I’m not really trans or I’m faking it or whatever. It doesn’t mean you’re some fake gender, it means you’re trans and that’s normal! I went through the same problem because I thought my unnatural dysphoria meant I was bigender or genderfluid or a demiboy or pangender, hell I wanted to be pangender or deergender just because I liked the colors of the flags. But that’s not how being trans works - you either are or you aren’t. You’re not in between, your gender isn’t half and half, your gender doesn’t fluctuate, and you certainly aren’t trans or some other gender just because you think it’s cool or pretty.

And dysphoria certainly doesn’t mean hating yourself. I mean I’m pretty sure I have fucking depression and anxiety and gender dysphoria makes it all worse. It does make me hate my body, but I don’t really hate myself as a person. I wish I was born a cis guy, but that doesn’t mean I hate who I am now. I just need a body I can be happy in, because this one hurts me. I’m excited for the changes I can have, even if it means suffering through acne and weird smell and whatever. It’s not self hatred, it’s a neurological condition that lets me know that the body I’m in is wrong. That’s all that’s happening and this misinformation is extremely detrimental to many people.

[twshitlord]

if you hear about a bi woman being in an abusive relationship with a man and your immediate thought is something along the lines of “that’s what you get for dating men lol” i think you honestly should just drop dead

[twshitlord]

I feel like my top surgery day will never come, and it’s really weighing me down. My insurance keeps denying my claims and no matter how many times I appeal, they throw a new roadblock in. I’m worried i’m going to waste my life trying and never get the body i need. Or that I won’t be strong enough toe ven wait that long. Do you have any advice?

That sounds very frustrating, and I definitely sympathize with you, Anon. I hope that things work out soon. 

My advice would be to talk with the surgeon’s office, your primary care provider, your psychiatrist, or someone else in the medical field who is willing to help you fight the issue with your health insurance provider. They can often provide guidance regarding how to approach the matter and how to jump the hoops the insurance company might through your way. You also might have to spend a lot of time talking on the phone with the insurance company to ensure that you have done all that is necessary/you are fully understanding of what you need to get coverage from them.

In the meantime, think of your body as being a work in progress. You’re basically in puberty, and you have to deal with the crappy, weirdly-formed body you have now with the understanding that you’ll mature and grow into something far better in the future. It might seem like it’s taking forever, but you’ll get there eventually. Just focus on staying positive and doing what you can to work towards that body until the big day arrives. 

Waiting sucks, and it can be so frustrating to see the other trans people around you progressing in their transition while you’re still struggling to take your first steps, but that time will come eventually. Don’t give up, and don’t leave your case up to someone else to pick up; these are the times when you might have pick up your phone and make phone calls every day until someone tells you exactly what you need and how to achieve that. Do not assume anyone is going to do their job, and do not assume they’re going to make it easy for you to get the coverage you want. You are the only one out for yourself, and you’ve got to go to war with these people sometimes to get what you actually need.

All the best, Anon! I hope you can get the insurance company to work for you!

[twshitlord]

what is your sexuality?

I’m straight, and I’m currently dating a really incredible, supportive woman. :)

I’m very happy and lucky to have found such a great gf.

[twshitlord]

I’m a feminist, I love women, but I’m really disturbed by stuff I’ve read lately about how women, women’s relationships, women’s spaces, are all magically naturally pure and free of oppression from violence.

The thing about feminist analysis we need to remember is that when we talk about men and women, we’re talking about statistical probability that’s not able to accurately predict life every time.

A randomly-selected man is more likely to be taller than a randomly-selected woman. A randomly-selected man is more likely to earn more money than a randomly-selected woman. That does not mean that any man is taller or richer than any woman, or that every man is richer or taller than every woman.

So many times in debates about sex and gender, these probabilities get hammered out into flat declarative sentences. We know it’s wrong when sexists say, “Men are stronger than women, so women could never play sports against men,” but somehow give it a pass when a feminist says “Women are less violent than men, so it’s not in a woman’s nature to be abusive.”

And as a feminist who’s worked in women’s shelters, I’m beyond disturbed by how feminists twist statistics about violence into the claim that women just don’t have the capacity to be violent or cruel.

Because what that really says is: Women aren’t fully human. We don’t fully exist in the world; our womanhood renders our anger and our aggression invalid. We’re not capable of the kind of moral choices men are.

That isn’t just bullshit, that’s dangerous bullshit. You know who makes that kind of argument?

A woman who wants to hurt other people and get away with it.

[twshitlord]

A lot of people on Tumblr are less interested in supporting LGBT+ people than they are in bashing straight people.

[twshitlord]

The most successful political satire, imo, is successful because satire and criticism isn’t all it does. It can be the major part of it, sure, but if I fill a story with political caricatures and nothing else of substance, then I’ve already doomed myself to the Eight Deadly Words from any outside observer: “I don’t care what happens to these people.“ I’ve won nobody over with my message because there’s nothing there to interest or draw in people who don’t already agree with me. All I’ve done is create a masturbatory political scrapbook for my friends and I to point at and laugh.

[twshitlord]

If your objective is not to be masculinaized or feminized by hormones, don’t undergo HRT.

You really shouldn’t just go on T because you want this or that feature, because the potential changes brought on by hormones aren’t a buffet selection that you can control or choose. You can “microdose” to get the same changes you would on a higher dose, but more slowly. That’s about it.

Changing your hormone levels a lot can lead to a lot of emotional fluctuation and even depression. For example, I went off of T for a month in preparation for my top surgery, and I absolutely crashed. I had zero energy, I was depressed, and I couldn’t rouse myself to do anything. Even at times when I’ve been a little short on my injections, it can result in a total dropoff in my mood and energy level. Hormones don’t just control how your voice sounds or various aspects of your appearance; hormones are responsible for so many functions within the body. Don’t take them for granted and just assume you won’t have the same problems because you’re only temporarily on a low dose.

This isn’t gatekeeping or me telling someone that their identity isn’t valid, this is me, as a trans man, saying that HRT is a medical treatment and shouldn’t be treated with the same casual attitude as getting a tattoo or dyeing hair. It’s not something people should consider to be an aesthetic enhancement that can be done in bursts to get a certaib look, and if you’re treating it as such, you’re woefully mistaken.

Reminder that trans people are allowed to do whatever we want with our transitions.

[twshitlord]

[twshitlord]

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[twshitlord]

If your child explores different things outside of gender roles and gender binaries, that doesn’t make them trans or gnc. It’s also not a parent’s job to make that decision for them or put them in the spotlight.