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Christopher Sexton put in words what this poet meant to me. Andrea will be missed fiercely.

I hope they know how profoundly they helped so many put words to thier own healing, pain and journeys.

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It takes active work to not try snd self sabotage or push good people away

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Finding a treatment that works is equally exciting as it is terrifying because we have to get to know a whole new US. But I am about 14 weeks into my reintroduction and just turned 40 and it's like meeting a new best friend. But the meds that unlocked this life were completely an accident. The med was a weightloss drug. A pill. Not injection. And while weight loss has been 16lbs in this time, it has been the least impactful and positive change in my life. This med is temporary. 12wks is the ideal time on it. And I will get 16wk.

I'm fighting the system to be tested for neurodivergent labels. But at the end of it, I just want to get this quality of life. This med is a stimulant that's helping me sleep and feel calm in my body which I've never experienced before. It works on adding norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin. So yeah maybe I have burnout from functioning far beyond my levels and probably high-functioning depression because I had NO ONE TO FALL BACK ON until the last 3 years.

I dont care if I never lose weight. But to function at this level of rested, calm, energy, less pain, less depression, better sleep, lower BP, lower resting heart rate, quieter mind, feeling joy in the small wins, embracing me not constantly tearing myself down internally......

My Garmin stats are so wildly improved in 14 weeks that my watch looks like it's being worn by a completely different person. Deep sleep, restful sleep, and restoring sleep are all being achieved! That alone is contributing to the improved quality of life that's have been mind blowing.

I don't know what future me will look like, be like, feel like... but I know current me is willing to fight like hell to keep this level of life..

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But.... not- social media- completely unneeded for me

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Apparently my father did give a mutal contact a birthday card for me.. she lost track of time and feels so bad it was late. I told her throw it away, I want nothing from him. But open it, if there's anything in it she can keep it. I don't want it.

Old me would want it, to see if there was some kind of change of heart on his end. But at the end of the day, I don't want a relationship. I'm done. So why would it matter. Its taken me a long time to come to this, to not feel guilty. But I remind myself I dont miss him. I miss the father I wish I had, the dad I wish he could be. But none of that was ever him, and after 40 years won't ever be.

I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a sting or pain, there is. But the life i have now, the healing and freedom i have now, he isnt a part of it. And his absence do to my boundaries is why I have this life.

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Rachel Gillig, The Knight and the Moth

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Hey, July, it's me again. Big Birthday this year, Another year... We're forty now. A little older, a little wiser, and feeling more alive than ever, right? We made it. I know things were rough back then. For years, even. Remember when you wanted to quit, when we thought we'd never be okay, that life was always going to be a struggle?

It's been a long journey, full of tough times, lots of silent struggles, lessons we didn't ask for, and pain we didn't think we could handle. It felt like too much so many times. Always second-guessing our choices.

But somehow, we kept going.

I'm not saying everything's perfect now. It's not. We still have bad days. We're still healing and growing. I still feel the past sometimes. But it's better now, and I'm better. We are better. Unlearning so much and learning who we are and who we wanna be. I know you'd be proud of how far we've come. And I'm proud of you too.

So, thanks for staying in the fight. For taking each hard lesson and building steps. For planting the strength I didn't know we had. For showing up even when you had nothing left. Thanks for surviving. You never gave up, and that gave me the chance to be here today. And that means everything.