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💝💞💖nonbinary people are so valid. i hope the nonbinary person who reads this has a good day. i am speaking it into existence💞💕💓💘

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Unpopular opinion but gender is fucking fake and if someone doesn’t want to identify as a “man,” “woman,” or your pre-approved Non-binary™ terms then so fucking be it. If someone wants to be stargender then who cares it has zero bearing on your life, it doesn’t matter if you understand it you football loving bastards.

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“dysphoria” is such a weird measuring stick for defining transhood. It’s not a completely measurable concept and we don’t all experience it the same. And then suddenly having people online try to arm chair psycho analyze you as having dysphoria or not so they can either trash your transhood and misgender you or try to butter you up into their medicalist gate keeping ranks is so fucking weird. Who fucking cares if the other person is dysphoric or not? Why do they have to share that information with you? Can we as trans people not have humor about our own experiences without having to present approved trans documentation? “I bet OP doesn’t have dysphoria.” Oops, sorry, my bad for not posting my therapist letter as my header for the world to see and know that I’m an officially medically approved Trans. Fuck off. Dysphoria is bullshit. Leave people to define themselves how they want. Medicalism is a crock of shit.

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I’ve been working on this post on and off for the last few months. I always intended to post it during Pride Month, and hey, here we are. I’ve got a lot going on in my life right now, so this might be the last book rec post for quite a while.

When possible, I’m linking to the Queer SFF Book Database since it has information on trigger warnings and links to reviews by queer readers. When not in the database of 6/15/20, I’ll be linking to Goodreads. Links are all below the cut.

Do not recommend cis authors on this post. This post is for centering trans and nonbinary authors. Please note that trans people write all sorts of stories and protagonists, and these books don’t automatically have trans or queer protagonists. 

My master list of book rec posts is here, if you want to find more.

If you’re looking for a starting place on trans SFF, I strongly suggest the Transcendent anthology series as an overview. It’ll introduce you to a wide array of incredible stories from trans and nonbinary authors. 

This list does not cover all of the amazing trans and nonbinary authors writing science fiction and fantasy! There are many more, and please feel free to suggest them here.

If you see any exclusionists or TERFs on this post, let me know without engaging and I will block them ASAP. I would prefer to keep this post a safe, positive place for trans readers. 

Keep reading

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Claim: “Trans” is short for “transition.”

The Truth: “Trans” is short for “transgender.” It is just a descriptor of a person’s gender.

Claim: You must experience dysphoria in order to be trans.

The Truth: Incorrect. Dysphoria is an old, outdated term that’s been redefined over time to cover new specific needs. Despite its constant redefining, it’s still not an all encompassing descriptor for all trans people.

Claim: You must pursue hrt and surgery to be trans.

The Truth: Incorrect. There are a variety of reasons why someone wouldn’t want to have hrt or surgery, all of them valid.

Claim: If you’re trans, you’d show very specific signs as a child. / All trans people knew they were trans since a young age.

The Truth: A lot of trans people do not possess obvious signs of their transhood as children. Lots of people discover themselves later in life. Your age does not dictate your transhood. 

Claim: Transition is solely defined by hrt or surgery.

The Truth: Transition begins from the moment you feel you’re trans and need to alter things in your life. Transition isn’t only medical. It’s also social, but most of all it’s personal. Something like making a plan to come out in the future is part of your transition.

Claim: You have to come out to everyone.

The Truth: That’s personal information you owe no one. 

Claim: Most trans people detransition.

The Truth: Detransitioning is rare. And in most cases it’s because of financial and safety (read: bigoted harm) reasons. The claim that most trans people detransition is based on an old study where the kids were exposed to anti-lgbt rhetoric and when people didn’t return his calls he marked them as “detransitioned.” The amount of people who detransition cuz they “weren’t trans” is extremely rare.

Claim: Being on hrt will make you more depressed.

The Truth: Incorrect. Statistics show that the majority of trans people’s lives improve with hrt. What actually would cause depression is the constant harassment and harm from bigots, often times from the same people who told you hrt will make you depressed. Hrt itself is documented to improve the quality of life.

Claim: You don’t need hrt. There are pills on the market made from natural means that will give you the same result without a prescription.

The Truth: This is not only false, but it’s a money making scheme meant to exploit your lack of easy access to hrt. These pills will not work, they will actually have the opposite effect, and they cost the same as obtaining hrt without a prescription on average.

Claim: You absolutely must have a prescription for hrt. It’s illegal to get it without and you’ll die if you don’t have proper understanding.

The Truth: Morality isn’t dictated by legality. And, though some dangers exist with self medicating with no knowledge, as someone that did self medicated hrt it’s not impossible for you to get educated. Testosterone poses more legal risks and you need to be sure what you’re getting is the real deal with T, but the need to do things this way is a sign the system is broken - not that there’s something wrong with the people doing it.

For information about feminizing hormones, go here.

For information about masculinizing hormones, go here.

Claim: You can get hrt through Planned Parenthood.

The Truth: Accurate! Planned Parenthood does offer hrt on an informed consent basis in some places. This is not true to everywhere so maybe call them or check their own web site about it before just dropping in. Smallangryandtired did an excellent write up on how to do the process here. 

However, as I said, they do not offer it in all locations. The main path a lot of people take is going to a therapist for a session or two and getting a letter from said therapist approving you for hrt and taking that to a doctor (who in turn usually recommends you to a specialist).

Claim: After a certain age, there’s no point to do hrt. It won’t have the same effect.

The Truth: That is a lie. Hrt will work no matter your age.

Claim: You can be too young for hrt and puberty blockers are dangerous.

The Truth: That is also a lie. Lots of people have known they’re trans since they were kids and refusing them treatment is child abuse. If a doctor deems a kid too young for hrt, the alternative is puberty blockers because they are not harmful to the child at all. Despite what anti-lgbt groups want you to believe, there is no danger to puberty blockers.

Claim: There are only two genders. / Nonbinary people don’t exist. / Biological sex dictates gender.

The Truth: The biological sex you know is only truly representative of gender stereotypes. The truth is that, biologically speaking, there are more than two sexes and the only true way to identify such is through karyotypes. Third genders and nonbinary genders have existed through out history, it is not new. The greatest minds in science have time and time again repeated this information, that sex isn’t a binary, that nonbinary people exist, that trans women are really women, trans men are men, and that nonbinary people are nonbinary. Even Bill Nye has said this.

Claim: Things like “stargender” or “noungender” are ruining the representation of the trans community. / “Noungender” is just children trying to get attention and are not actually trans. / People using neopronouns or nounself pronouns are not really trans.

The Truth: This in inaccurate and often times either a bullying tactic towards those who are different, or transphobic people using such to isolate a group of trans people. Some people do not fit into the binary or gender nor feel like they’re in any defined nonbinary genders. So they’ll define themselves with words and terms they enjoy. It’s no different from you feeling more comfort from being called “he” versus “she.” 

And, in the off chance it is someone just seeking attention. It doesn’t matter. Let them have their fun. They’re not ruining anything calling themselves spacegender on tumblr dot com.

Claim: There are people faking being trans to fit into a crowd. / The entire concept of “transtrenders.”

The Truth: Not true. This is just age old blatant “you’re faking” transphobia. 

Claim: Trans people on hrt or post-op can not experience sexual enjoyment.

The Truth: Both will change your body’s entire response to sex. Your enjoyment doesn’t disappear, the entire process just changes to something different. This inaccuracy is spread by transphobes on average and isn’t remotely true.

Claim: Trans people have a high rate of suicide.

The Truth: I’m sorry to say that trans people are under the stress of discrimination from all angles, and on top of other stresses or discriminations one may experience, it leads us into suicidal ideation. But, that’s why we need to stick together and help each other out. If you’re trans and considering suicide, consider the following:

National Suicide Prevention Hotline:  1-800-273-8255

Trans Lifeline USA:  1-877-565-8860

Trans Lifeline Canada: 1-877-330-6366

The Trevor Project Hotline:  1-866-488-7386

The Trevor Project also offers texting and chat

You deserve to live your life. I promise you you’re strong enough to get through this.

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You are not annoying or difficult if you demand people use your correct name and pronouns. You are not annoying or difficult if you change your name and pronouns multiple times. You are not annoying or difficult if you use neopronouns. Your name and pronouns are important and you have the right to have them respected.

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My grandma: There’s this woman I saw/met/interacted with and she just...... REMINDED me of YOU!!!! she just,,,,, had DYED HAIR,,, and,,,, she wore i n t e r e s t i n g CLOTHES! and had,,,, an UNCONVENTIONAL APPEARANCE!!! Short hair!!! Very un-woman like! her attitude,,,, reminds me of YOU!!!

Me, who dyed my hair once when i was 9, and wears un-cool jeans and t-shirts 24/7: was she gay grandma. Was it because she was gay. Did she give off a gay vibe. Are you saying these things because I Am Not Straight, grandma.

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An odd update with bad weird and positive feelings and emotions.

It’s been another long while I think, so I guess I’ll give an update?

Things aren’t bad, but not great. A month or two ago I came pretty close to wanting to hurt myself (note- I am not at that level, and have not been for quite a while, I didn’t do anything, so no worries.) It was less like “AHHH, life sucks and I Want To Feel Pain!” and more like “Oh god oh no I’m so completely overwhelmed and having bad intrusive thoughts ooooh fuck better talk to someone.” It didn’t feel good. I was completely ashamed and felt very vulnerable when I told my mom. I think it freaked her out. She started pushing herself to contact the trans clinic that had been trying to get in contact with us to get some therapy and talk about hormones. My mom has a lot of anxiety regarding medical stuff, so she tends to put it off, but this event kinda. made her realize that this should happen sooner than later, and can’t really be put off, even though we’re both anxious about it. So, I had a virtual therapy call! (it technically wasn’t that, but it sure did feel like it ha hah) It was very nice! I definitely want to go back, but the person I talked with isn’t a full time therapist, and usually just does a first getting to know you call and directs you to other resources. She directed me to two specific therapists, and we made an endo appointment for June 30th. This talk was like a month ago, and I haven’t contacted the linked therapists since then (or the other youth connection resources she left me,) because I thiiink I have a bit of a block about it. I liked the call, and after it I realized just how much going to a therapist once every two weeks or something similar would help me, but. I have to do school. At this point, my brain can’t justify a long, emotionally draining anxiety inducing appointment every two weeks when every day feels difficult. I have 33 assignments to do in 28 days, which honestly isn’t that bad! But. It’s math. Which I find that I can do 1 lesson + quiz in a day, and after that my brain is fried. I’ve also been having, like. a lot of background anxiety which makes it difficult to focus and work. I’ve just been trying my best to manage it and work through it so I can be done with this year. Most of all, I just feel exhausted. So, I guess that’s how I’m doing.

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Your nonbinary and you wanna be feminine? I’m so proud of you that’s amazing!!

Your nonbinary and you wanna be masculine? That’s so cool and awesome!!

Your nonbinary and you don’t wanna be either of those things? Cool! You do you!! 💖💖💖

Your questioning your gender/are on the gender spectrum? That’s fantastic!!! I’m so happy and proud of you for exploring and figuring out your place!!!

Your trying new pronouns? Wonderful!!!

Nonbinary people are so amazing and I love every single one!!!!!

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Nonbinary people who do medically transition are still 100% non-binary and valid

Non-binary people who get tired of explaining trans 101 and let people think they’re binary or cis are still valid as non-binary

Non-binary people who get upset because they have to go thru life w/ everyone they meet assuming they’re a binary gender are valid

Non-binary people who don’t medically transition are still 100% non-binary and valid

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I know we’re in a pandemic, but

I for the first time imagined my future and. I was happy.

The future where I’m okay. The future where I don’t have a chest. The future where I have a place of my own. A space, for me, made by me. A happy space, made with care, and time.

It made me so happy. I’ve been feeling that more often; more of myself shining through. I can’t wait to keep going. I can’t wait to get there. I want to be happy, and I think I’m getting there.

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Ahh!!!!

Hey!!! I went to a doctor today!!

It! Was! Great! She was so nice! Her brother is trans! Her brothers' partner is trans! She knows all about trans!!! Ahhhh!!!!!! It was so much easier than I thought it would be! She was so helpful! I feel like she really listened to me!!! And!!!!!! She understood what I was saying!!!!! I’m so happy,,, that I have someone I can go about any health concerns I have,,, she was so nice,, and respectful,,, It felt so good to be heard. Specifically by someone who knows what they’re doing. She and the staff did a good job of respecting my pronouns too!! yay!! I just feel so much better knowing that it’s easier than I thought it would be. I don’t think it’s going to be an uphill battle, because I know I have people who support me. I just feel really good, and sure in my choices. It’s a good first step! Maybe this summer I’ll branch out even further and go to an LGBTQ club near me. I’d love to do so. I feel so hopeful for improvement after that visit. It isn't going to be as difficult as I thought it was. I am going to get there.

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Lee says:

These are links on getting insurance to cover your medical transition. Many insurances now cover HRT (estrogen and testosterone) and top and bottom surgery.

A lot of insurances require you follow the WPATH standards of care and require you to get letters from mental health professionals saying you need to have surgery because of your dysphoria before the insurance will cover it.

The WPATH-SOC requirements 

Aetna’s Gender Reassignment Surgery requirements (You may have a different insurance company, this is just to demonstrate how it’s often the same as the WPATH requirements) 

Lee’s testosterone and top surgery letter

Sample Referral Letters for Hormone Therapy and Gender-Confirming Surgeries

Getting a therapist and being in therapy

Is dysphoria a diagnosis?

Gender dysphoria diagnosis

Gender identity disorder codes

Can I get insurance to cover it without being diagnosed? 

Getting insurance:

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-care/health-insurance/help-enrolling

https://www.healthcare.gov/get-coverage/

Things to consider

If you can’t afford insurance and can’t get it though your parents, job, or school, you may qualify for Medicaid & most states cover transitioning under Medicaid

Trans-related insurance info:

Healthcare Laws and Policies: Medicaid Coverage for Transition-Related Care

Medicare and other health insurance information (Facebook Group)

FAQ: Equal access to healthcare

Finding insurance for transgender related healthcare

Colleges and Universities that Cover Transition-Related Medical Expenses Under Student Health Insurance

What Are My Healthcare Rights?

What Does Medicare Cover for Transgender People?

The affordable care fact sheet

Transgender health care

Corporate Equality Index: List of Businesses with Transgender-Inclusive Health Insurance Benefits

O'Donnabhain v. Commissioner and more info on that

Health insurance coverage issues for transgender people in the United States

Appealing a denied claim:

Tips for Appealing a Denied Health Insurance Claim

A Patient’s Guide to Navigating the Insurance Appeals Process

How to Appeal a Health Insurance Denial

How to appeal an insurance company decision

Top surgery:

Top surgery letter template

Step-by-step guide to obtaining insurance coverage for top surgery

Top Surgery Insurance Coverage: What You Need to Know

Top Surgery Insurance Tips From a Super Mom Who Won’t Take ‘No’ For An Answer!

Dr. Mosser’s Guide: How to get your top surgery covered by insurance

Top surgeons who accept Medicare

Top surgeons who take insurance

Bottom surgery:

Transgender bottom surgery with insurance

How To Get Disability Insurance Pay Out For Trans Bottom Surgery

Followers, feel free to add on!

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Hi! So I bind my chest because sadly I have a larger chest, but I was wondering where the “chesticles” should actually go like should they be down or to the side- I can’t find it anywhere. Thank you, Charlie :)

Hey! Two docs so far have told me that best way to mitigate tissue damage when binding is most likely to arrange the tissue under the binder as it would lay whenever you’re not wearing anything.

Sometimes it helps if you put the binder on, then kind of pull the front out so that its not compressing your chest, and then laying it over top of how your body naturally sits.

Best of luck!

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I recently saw an allegory of binding being like running into an ablaze building to feel more comfortable, and it really struck a chord with me.

I haven’t posted in a while, so I think it’s time for an update.

I have been unable to bind for about ~6 months. For reference, I had an incident where I was going to wear my binder somewhere, but after 20 minutes of having it on, I (reluctantly) decided that it wasn’t the best option for my health to keep wearing it. I changed into a sports bra, and about an hour later I was still having aches and pain in one specific spot. At one point I breathed in, and it felt like I got the air knocked out of me. I felt burning pain in one specific spot, and my vision went spotty for a few moments. My ribs ached afterward.

Fast forward to now. I still haven’t seen a doctor. I’m having daily muscular pain in my ribs. I’ve tried every so often (once a month maybe) to attempt wearing my binder, but the most I can go is about ~15 minutes before the aching starts. I don’t quite know what to call it. It aches. It’s sometimes a hollow, ever-present ache. Sometimes it’s a harsh ache, bordering on pain (as it is now while writing this.) I think it gets inflamed at times, like now. But I don’t know what to call it. I don’t quite know what’s going on. I wish I had a name for it.

I don’t think I can take it anymore. Every time it hurts it’s a reminder that I can’t wear a binder. My dysphoria has gotten worse too. It’s getting difficult to take a shower (I’m going to start using that lights off trick) and change. It’s harder to go out into public. I don’t know what to do. Every day, it’s more and more tempting to run into the burning building to get some sense of relief.

I was hesitant before that this might be a phase of some sort. So worried that I was “faking it,” for who, myself? for four years?

I don’t know what to do. I just know that the situation is getting worse and I don’t have a solution. I can’t take it. I don’t want to go through this anymore. I know that if I wear the binder, it could (at this point) do some serious damage to my ribs. But the temptation of relief is so fucking strong. I just want to feel right. Even if it does damage. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.