verbalsensibility

[verbalsensibility]

Gotta love complicated coming to grips: Mando + THE Child

This week we’re talking the comping to grips of Mando and THE Child. It’s episode 3 entitled The Sin of Disney +’s The Mandalorian. If you do not subscribe to Disney +, sign up for its free 7-day trial to watch the series. 

If you’re unfamiliar with Star Wars canon, The Mandalorian is post Empire Star Wars. A foundling, Mando’s parents were killed by the Empire and Mandalorians took him in. Mando is a bounty hunter. THE best in the parsec.

What do you do confronted by the Empire after its demise?

Supposedly, the Republic reigns. The storm troopers and Beskar down payment for the bounty give it away: the Empire may be gone, but has peace been restored? 

You don’t care about peace. Your religion is weapons. Still, the Empire stole your kin’s armor--Beskar--and now they’re giving some of it back to you. How do you feel? 

What do you do confronted by THE Child / YOUR bounty?

You don’t necessarily feel bad about receiving your kin’s armor back as payment. After all, what’s the kin’s is being returned. This is THE way. But how do you feel when you see this Child?

It’s YOUR bounty. This little green fifty-year-old floating creature has a very large bounty on it. Dead or alive. Would it be a sin to deliver it to these people? You don’t know what they plan for it. 

You see yourself, a foundling, in THE Child. 

You deliver it. You even break the Guild code and ask, What are you going to do with it? They hand over the Beskar. Enough for a whole new set of armor. You ask for another assignment because you cannot come to grips.

You’re about to take off. That Child is like you, a foundling. And these people are like the Empire, stealing what does not belong to them. You come to grips. And you go get that Child back. 

Do you have a coming to grips moment when your profession dictated one thing, but your ethics dictated another? Share it with me. Submit a conversation. And as always, ask away!

[verbalsensibility]

The FBI’s two most unwanted: Scully + Mulder grips from the get-go

At some point, we’ve all been put in the awkward position of working with someone very unlike us. Imagine yourself as a young, aspiring FBI agent. You walk to the basement of the DC building to meet your partner who asks “Do you believe in the existence of extraterrestrial life?” You’re logical. He’s not.

Start here for 90s nostalgia background

You can stream the pilot episode of The X-Files with Amazon Prime. If you’ve never seen an episode, what you need to know for this post is: 

Scully / you are FBI / a medical doctor from a Catholic and military family

Mulder is FBI and his sister was supposedly abducted by aliens

Your superiors assign you to judge Mulder’s work on the X-Files; the FBI cases deemed unexplainable. You’re definitely an undercover FBI spy. 

The case of the Oregon woman with marks on her back

Mulder knows this from the get-go. Still, Mulder gives you a chance to experience the X-Files first-hand on a case in Oregon. A girl has turned up dead in the woods with two strange marks on her back. You sum the marks up as injections or a bite of some kind, but Mulder’s conclusions are more ET-esque.

Strange phenomena like orangutans + lost time

On the plane to Oregon, you’re wondering how both of you so different may come to grips? You decide on the mutual goal of solving the case...if only it were so logical. Your plane almost goes down. The radio in your car on the way to Bellefleur went berserk, so Mulder got out and marked the spot with a red X.

An orangutan turns up in the exhumed coffin of a victim who died under similar circumstances. High school sweethearts are connected to this victim. One of them, Betty, has the same marks as both victims. You’re wondering how to settle the pieces together when...

Mulder says he thinks they were all abducted by aliens. You don’t really believe that. There has got to be an explanation. You both go to the woods where the victim disappeared to be greeted by a deputy shotgun. It’s private property and he asks you to leave. You lose exactly nine minutes in the car.

It’s personal like mosquitoes + trust

Literally. Mulder recorded the lost time and connects it to ET phenomena. You go to the hotel to write your field report, but lose power and decide to shower. The two strange marks are on YOUR back. Where is Mulder? You knock on his door and ask him to look--they’re mosquito bites... but you’re freaked out. 

Everything you believed about logic does not apply to the X-Files, to Mulder. He tells you about his sister Melissa, how he’s underwent hypnotherapy to remember her abduction. They never found her. He confronts your agenda, to debunk the X-Files. I’m not a part of any agenda. You’ve got to trust me. 

I’m here just like you, to solve this.

Establishing a goal from the get-go is how you come to grips with the person so unlike you. A mutual goal + an open mind + verbal sensibility i.e. empathy is how you become the FBI’s Two Most Unwanted. Feel free to comment and suggest an episode / a movie for analysis! Ask away too!

[verbalsensibility]

If she doesn’t like you, she can make you disappear. Christina’s coming to grips.

Can you think of a conversation that started with the above title quote from Mommie Dearest? Think psychological projection i.e. when someone says something about you that’s really an expression of how they feel about themselves. It’s a tricky conversation to get around; do you stay silent or tell them they’re projecting? 

Stream Mommie Dearest on Amazon Prime Video. Note: the view presented in Mommie Dearest is Christina Crawford’s and some view the movie as a controversial depiction of the late actress Joan Crawford’s character. If you haven’t seen the movie, Christina Crawford is the adopted daughter of Joan--the mother who emotionally and physically abused Christina via projection. 

Stay silent to maintain the illusion of perfection amid abuse

Projection is emotional abuse; victims stay silent to maintain the relationship. Imagine yourself as Christina Crawford. Emotionally and physically abused, then you sent away to boarding school. You meet your first love. You check off the first kiss milestone, and your mother says to you, I should have known you’d know where to find the boys and the booze. 

How do you feel? As a child, you fix Uncle Ted a boozy drink and escort him up to her room. You fetch a glass of water for Mommie Dearest. You walk the stairs back up. They’re warming up to each other, kissing on the chaise and Mommie Dearest looks up to find you staring. You feel shame as a child for natural curiosity. You feel no shame in love now.

Break the silence / perfection / abuse. That’s a lie! Say it.

It’s not an easy conversation. Mommie Dearest tells the reporter that you were expelled from school; you promptly voice the projection as abuse. That’s a lie! is what you say to your mother; if she doesn’t like you, she’ll make you disappear. And the next day, you’re at a convent where you’ll stay until you’re eighteen. 

Saying that the projection is a lie breaks the physical abuse in Christina’s scenario. Knowing that projection is untruths about you and truths about the other person eventually conditions your brain to not accept the emotional abuse. This is about coming to grips with yourself minus the negativity of someone who is mentally ill and abusing because of it. 

To end this post, I want to say that you have to take care of yourself first. If a family member / friend / lover / anyone is mentally ill, you take care of them second via verbal sensibility. As always, ask away or submit a conversation!

[verbalsensibility]

Coming to grips with the impossible choice: the Dalek and the Doctor

Understanding the Dalek and the Doctor story conjures the darkness that surrounds the Doctor’s character. With the chance that the Dalek race may have defeated the Time Lords, the Doctor killed both i.e. the impossible choice. Two important realizations to keep in mind include: (1) By killing the Daleks, he saved the universe and (2) By killing the Daleks, he killed his own kinship. 

The impossible choice occurred during The Last Great Time War; however, this is not the episode we are deconstructing this week. We are watching the 2005 revival series of Dr. Who in its 1st season and 6th episode entitled “Dalek.” You can watch the episode here with an Amazon Prime Video subscription. So here we go, off to the Salt Plains of Utah where Doctor and Dalek meet.

A step-by-step of “Dalek” coming to grips

1. Denial. Denial. Denial. The Doctor without the Dalek. 

The Doctor’s purpose is to help the universe throughout time, which is why he killed off the Dalek race that required the death of his own race the Time Lords. So the Doctor’s first thought in Henry Van Statten’s alien artifact museum prison conglomerate is “I am here to help you out this prison.” 

2. The haunt of the Doctor = the Dalek exists

Can you imagine killing someone, then they appear to you much later for help? This person is the reason for the death of your kinship. You killed them to save the universe. Do you run or stay silent? Do you lash back? How do you come to grips with the confrontation of your dead but very much alive Dalek? 

3. Repeat! Denial. Denial. Denial. To be without the Dalek. 

The universe without the Dalek = less fear. Therefore, the Doctor denies the existence of this lone Dalek who fell through time after The Last Great Time War. Both are the last of their kind, but the Doctor and the universe would much prefer the race that’s purpose is to EXTERMINATE to not exist at all. 

4. The enemy of the Dalek = the Doctor + everyone

Why is the universe without the Dalek = less fear? Well, the Dalek’s enemy is everyone except its kin. Without its kin, the Dalek is itself against everyone in the universe. Proof positive of this is the linguistic “an” rather than “the.” So what do you do when the person you killed needs your help but hates you?

5. You--the Doctor--exterminate the Dalek or let it kill itself

“Exterminate!” is the coming to grips of the Dalek and the Doctor; there is no other way to preserve the universe. That is why the impossible choice really wasn’t that impossible for the Doctor. It was a choice that resulted in the death of two races, but again the Doctor’s purpose is to help the universe above all. 

As always, feel free to contribute to the conversation with your own impossible or not so impossible coming to grips or ask away!

[verbalsensibility]

Remember your first love, the heart-wrenching first kiss?

The teenager pictured above Mark Conner-Healy kisses his classmate Austin who doesn’t kiss boys: I was just in line getting pizza and you kissed me. It’s a bittersweet, nostalgic coming to grips conversation between Mark and Austin.

To watch, it’s “A kiss is just a kiss” of “The Conners.” Chances are that you may have seen “Roseanne” on daytime TV and if so, you may recognize some characters.

FYI, “The Conners” has all of the same family characters of “Roseanne” minus Roseanne herself and adds in-laws and significant others, as well as grandchildren. Mark is the grandchild of Dan. The child of Darlene and David.

I was just in line getting pizza and you kissed me.

The conversation we are focusing on is between Mark and Austin. We can empathize with Mark whose first love suddenly denies the relationship mattered to him. Austin rejects having any responsibility for the kiss or even liking Mark. 

Mark desperately wants Austin to come to grips with what happened between them in the lunch line. It is worth noting that Darlene wants this for Austin as well. Austin either cannot or does not want the same.

Austin doesn’t kiss boys

Why? There are a few theories that may explain Austin’s denial. The first is maybe he isn’t gay and doesn’t like Mark like that. The second is maybe he does like Mark like that and his grandmother won’t allow him to be gay. 

Either theory prevents the coming to grips of Mark and Austin. The aftermath of the conversation almost prevents Mark coming to grips with himself being gay. Darlene and David confront Mark tired of being gay with removed nail polish.

My life would be so much easier if I wasn’t gay

The image above shows the ultimate aftermath of the conversation, but it took a minute to get there via the verbal sensibility of Darlene and David. They don’t sugarcoat being a gay teenager, but tell Mark to be his awesome self.

Being the rare among many many others who view you as strange or even wrong is a heart-wrenching drama between others and within yourself. It is remembering your first love, the heart-wrenching kiss. 

Coming to grips with what makes you you is the topic I want to highlight this week. Feel free to share a conversation about this topic or ask away about my coming to grips experiences in the past and now. 

[verbalsensibility]

Coming to grips with the love of your life                  

Beginning with this clip from the Canadian television series “Letterkenny,” I want to provide you with the common steps of meeting the person of your dreams.

1. We met at a party / bar / through mutual friends believe it or not--You are alone or at least you feel alone. You are at a party or a bar with mutual friends’ friends sitting somewhere thinking about how you do not belong there.

2. We met and I saw her / him / them and could not look away--You see her / him / them and you stare from a distance. You may or may not be a Wayne, so you may or may not have the courage to start the conversation.

3. I tried to gather the courage to get up and start the conversation--One of your friends may point her / him / them out to you and one of her / his / their friends may point you out as well. You smile but do not go over. You wait.

4. I floated across the floor to her / him / them wondering what to speak--You get up finally and plan the words that will come out of your mouth. You need to be articulate, but you do not even know her / his / their name.

5. And then you realize...that unfortunately she / he / they are taken--You are standing in front of her / him / them and the significant other is smiling at you like it is funny that you are awestruck by their person. 

The love of your life becomes tricky right then

There are no common steps after this because the love of your life becoming the love of your life is dependent on if and how they come to grips with you. I say this from experience.

 A man followed the steps above like Wayne from “Letterkenny.” The man and I just happened to get married five years later. Our coming to grips happened through conversations with ourselves and with each other. 

Have you experienced the above steps? What was the aftermath of the initial silent conversation? Feel free to submit a conversation with steps for coming to grips with the love of your life, to comment on the steps above, or ask away!

[verbalsensibility]

Personal coming to grips. Miss you Oean. 

“Two years ago, I wouldn’t have seen us sitting here talking about kids, mortgages, your Airbnb business, Timor Leste for 2 years, or how life / school is what you make of it.” 

We sat on the couch until 1 am watching TV, but not actually watching it.

I would put on a show, but the conversation turned away from the trivial. We talked all things adult as friends who graduated from the same high school, attended rival universities, and right now have no idea how we got to a point at which we finally feel happy and excited to be alive.

It started via text as most conversations do now. I am overwhelmed, but I smile because it is Oean and this text means he is home. We arrange to go out to dinner the next night, then head to my place to talk. I ask him about his job; found out he quit. 

“Do you have another gig lined up?” I reply. I am wondering if Oean is staying in Evansville. He’s good with startups. I read the text. I am not crushed because I am ecstatic for Oean. I know that nothing--no other job or life event--could even compare to what he is about to do: 

“I accepted a job offer from the Peace Corp to teach English in Timor Leste.”

Yes. We do not watch TV.

We talk about Timor Leste (see above pictures and know that the nation is in Southeast Asia), my very new marriage that I am stoked on, and my new startup. We talk kids, mortgages, grad school, and career goals. 

When Oean graduated from Purdue last year, he was miserable and lost as to what he would do. He moved back to Orlando after the New Year. Before he left for FL, we talked over pizza and beer. We were so lost, done with ourselves.

It is true that I have not been an advocate for college. I am still that girl with an attitude in English class, but I try to keep that in check. I always considering giving up. I brought this topic up in conversation with Oean.

 “You have to realize that a degree makes others take you more seriously.” 

Yes. I know school’s worth it. 

I know this firsthand. A new client, a CEO of a marketing company, lit up when I said IU and professional writing. He hired me to manage his Airbnb, as well as clean it. It pays to be able to communicate effectively. It pays to have a degree. 

I must admit. Life and school are what you make of it. Oean is in LA training to teach English in Timor Leste and I am finalizing my logo and beginning to plan the content strategy of my startup’s website. 

Two years ago, I would not have seen myself as a senior in college or entrepreneur. Life / School / Conversation / Speak is what you make of it. Share your breakthrough conversation and as always, ask away! 

Next week! We will watch TV. Promise. 

East Timor (Timor-Leste)

[verbalsensibility]

Personal coming to grips. With Amazon Prime.

Search bar awesomeness. 

The goal is the overlap. I want to find the common ground between my need and your need. I need a steam cleaner so I can make that gnarly travertine glow white and you need consumers like me, so let’s start there. 

Give me the information, Amazon. Search bar awesomeness--let’s try s-t-e-a-m_c-l-e-a-n-e-r. All right...a lot of options but how to settle the pieces together? Ratings, first of all. Then, price. 

I need attachments. Bissell PowerFresh Deluxe Steam with 4.5 stars is out of the question, because it’s $89.00 and has no attachments. I need a grout attachment and I want to steam windows with no chemicals.

Amazon, what do you have with at least 4.5 stars, under $300, with a grout attachment, and the ability to steam windows without chemicals? Show me. I guess you don’t have an attachment search criteria. 

Setting standards for THE hunt.

Set the price and rating standard. All right. Search bar awesomeness--let’s try w-i-t-h_a-t-t-a-c-h-m-e-n-t-s. Still, a lot of options. Let’s wade through. Comforday is handheld only. I want floor and handheld capability in one product.

Bissell ProHeat is ginormous, which decreases its ease of transport. It has no grout attachment. Bissell PowerFresh Lift-Off is smaller, but again has no grout attachment. All right. Cool, Amazon. I like the McCulloch MC1375. 

It has six different grout attachments and totes chemical-free cleaning. Still, 4.5 stars? There are 1,039 reviews so give me the gist, Amazon. There’s a 2 star review on top that says the third use resulted in a broken attachment.

Let’s move on. We’re getting closer to our goal, but not there yet. I like that Dupray Neat, because it looks simple to use with one power function. Before and after pictures of grout? Yes!

Scan. Watch. Add. 

Scanning two and one star reviews, and it looks like consumers did not allow steamer to heat fully prior to use. Also, consumers clearly have not handled this type of machinery before which have resulted in burns. 

Top reviews are great, and the video of product uses rules. It’ll be here Wednesday? Fantastic! I’ll schedule Jill’s cleaning for next week. I think we hit the sweet spot, Amazon. $149.78? Add to my cart. Proceed to checkout.

Conversation complete. Share your successful conversation with Amazon? Or maybe unsuccessful? As always, feel free to ask away!

Next week’s a little more personal, then back to TV. Promise!

[verbalsensibility]

Let’s talk about “Stranger Things 3″  coming to grips

Coming to grips i.e. getting through to a person via written words, speech, touch, body language, etc involves empathy that often requires courage. 

I say this because you may easily turn the other way, accept the fact that the relationship is broken, quit reaching out, and consequently never speak again. 

Thinking someone and / or something is a lost cause goes hand-in-hand with not coming to grips, being clinched like a Chinese puzzle.

If you think they are a lost cause and they think you are a lost cause, then how exactly may the situation be rectified? 

Eleven and Billy at “The Battle of Starcourt” = verbal sensibility i.e. empathy via speak

The scene is a modern version of Rukeyser’s “Effort at Speech Between Two People.” 

Sometimes an image is more useful for coming to grips than a “Don’t do this!” Eleven’s only hope was to take a leap and reach out to Billy with a memorable image of his childhood: 

“She was pretty. She was really pretty. And you...you were happy.”

For Billy, the image of him and his mother at the California beach convinced him to switch allegiance and sacrifice himself to save Hawkins, Indiana. Feel free to comment below with your memorable image or coming to grips moment. As always, ask away or submit a conversation!

Seven feet. You told her the wave was seven feet. You ran to her…on the beach. There were seagulls. She wore a hat with a blue ribbon…a long dress with a blue and red flower. Yellow…yellow sandals, covered in sand.

[verbalsensibility]

THE “There’s no crying in baseball!” conversation

Jimmy and Evelyn of A League of Their Own unveil how language cuts us apart. Keeps us from coming to grips. Notice the one-sided conversation of Jimmy and Evelyn. She speaks less than fifteen words. He speaks thirteen words prior to Evelyn even having the chance to respond. 

After Evelyn responds “Mhm,” Jimmy’s tone shifts to the sarcastic “Which team do you play for?” and Evelyn answers “Well, I’m a Peach.” Then, Jimmy begins attacking Evelyn: “because of you” // “Now you start using your head!” 

Jimmy quickly begins cussing. His attempt at regularization. Doris, other Peaches and the umpire who ultimately throws Jimmy out of the ballpark reject his attempt.

Twentieth century baseball culture applies

Jimmy yearns to be part of twentieth century baseball culture again. The women’s league dictates linguistic competency and an altogether different culture--one of women amid WWII. 

This idea is what the umpire alludes to when he says to Jimmy, “Good rule of thumb. Treat each of these girls as you would treat your mother.” Many of these women’s husbands are away at war and they play, while caring for their kids.

Thus, Jimmy’s “There’s no crying in baseball!” is rejected by all of the Peaches, the umpire and the ballpark crowd for a reason: Jimmy inhibits the American public and these women from coming to grips through baseball in 1943. 

Can you think of a time when culture kept you from coming to grips? Share it, and feel free to ask away!