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[wanderingstethoscope]

Be Brave and Take the Leap, You'd Never Know When You'd Get that Opportunity Again

Writers usually tell you that you create a title at the END of your story, not at the beginning. That's what I'm going to do for this post, and I'm excited to find out!

As 2023 approaches its finale, I would like to take the time to - no, scratch that, that's boring! It is also not the time to get all sappy, as the new year approaching is overwhelming enough.

But as much as I hate talking about emotions, I love remembering experiences, which of course, the two are entwined together just like your earpieces (might want to untangle that shit now so you can hear me out).

Everyone heals at their own speed, and many stick to the belief that healing can only come from within, which is true, but only to a certain extent. Often times, we do not realise that the people around us affect us negatively in ways that can harm us emotionally in the long run, which in turn causes long-term emotional damage.

All jokes aside, we cannot know what we are feeling is "normal" until we experience the other side of the spectrum. Just like without sadness, we would not know what it means to be happy. If you have not read my previous blog posts, or have but it has been a while, it might be a good time to have a read to get a better idea on what I'm going to explain next.

Being at my current practice for the past 9 months, there were many moments when I was surprised by the things my mentor would say to me, and thanks to him, it gave me such a huge opportunity to grow and heal from my previous toxic workplace.

When I first joined this company after leaving my previous job, I had a mindset that hung onto the belief that I wasn't good enough, and that I thought truly complicated procedures were supposed to be easy. Thoughts such as; "This procedure should be easy, why am I finding it complicated?", "I have a burning question to ask, but would it sound stupid?", "If I had done X, would Y have happened?". My mentor would respond, again which surprised me as I was not used to receiving such feedback, with words such as "This is not an easy procedure", "It is okay not to know this", "You got this, you cannot learn without doing". Over time, the space that was previously occupied with self-doubt, insecurities, and perfectionism, was replaced with trust, confidence and experience. To be honest, this made me feel extremely uncomfortable at the start, as I was so used with the gaslighting and manipulation that I experienced beforehand. Thoughts such as "Why are they being so kind to me?", "I do not deserve to be treated this well" flooded my thoughts.

Fast forward to the current day, thanks to my amazing mentor as well as just the sweetest and funniest co-workers, I have learnt and grew so much as a newly graduated veterinarian. Thank you, for trusting and having the confidence in me, and giving me the kindness that I didn't know that I needed at the time.

This hurts to say as we part ways (yes, I am changing jobs again as I'll explain below); as I can only hope that we do cross paths again with each other, be it at veterinary conferences or gatherings, or perhaps for an afternoon coffee sometime. I really was not planning on looking out for better opportunities, as I was so contented and happy being at your practice. However, one faithful day when I realised that I forgot to update my CV on my Linkedin account with the name of your practice that I was working at, I updated it with the clinic name and uploaded my CV. A head-hunter (they are always so vigilant, huh!) misinterpreted that as me looking to find a new place, and reached out to me. It was a tremendous and exciting opportunity as a role of a night emergency vet.

Discussions after discussions with family and friends, majority agreed (including myself) that this was an opportunity that I should not just let slide. That led me to have one of the most difficult and painful conversations with my mentor, as I knew that he did not want me to leave, and neither did I, but deep inside I understood that I had to put my future as a priority, and this was my chance to make a leap.

As I end this blog post, today is 1/1/2024 (yes took me a whole day to finish typing this), and tonight would be my first shift as a night ECC vet. If I had told my past self from a year ago, that a year from then, I'd be a night ECC vet, she would be nothing but shocked, as I graduated as a naive, anxious vet with a bag of insecurities and self-doubt, and is now a vet with enough confidence to experience something new, take up new opportunities even if they sound scary, and learn along the way.

My quote for 2023 would be "Believe in others, so that they believe in themselves"

[wanderingstethoscope]

When there is chaos, expect redirection

I stared at my phone screen as I stuggled to breathe; my chest tightening, my mind in a daze as I slowly dissociated from reality. It was a coping mechanism that my body naturally takes up; especially when overwhelmed. My fingers worked quicker than my brain, as I punched the keyboard on my phone; the text reading; “Hey, would 1 more vet i.e. me, be suitable for your practice?”. I hit “send”. 

“Ya the new grad fell through.” the reply read.

“Fell through?”

“She didn’t come ya.”

Well then. 

You see, that first clinic that I was working for was anything any newly graduate veterinarian would hope for. There was a tremendous amount of support, with just the loveliest techs and receptionists. I felt so lucky to be part of the team...or so I thought.

Getting huge support is one thing, but, being constantly watched like a hawk, being judged at every single move you make? That is a different story altogether. 2 weeks in....come 3. Every day, I would feel more and more unlike myself. I felt like a puppet on strings. I would stumble over my words, due to the fear of looking stupid. When you are already so hard on yourself, any single tiny mistake you make, feels devastating and mentally exhausting. 

6 weeks in....was when I decided, that enough is enough. It was a funny story, really, that the sequence of events that occured after, brought me to where I am meant to be today, at my current veterinarian practice. 

2 days before I handed in my resignation letter, I was walking along the streets at night, with slippers. I heard a squeak, and before I knew it, my right big toe was oozing with blood. Ouch. The next thing I knew; was my father frantically trying to dial emergency services, and my mother grabbing my hand, fast-walking me to the nearest clinic. Yes, a rat bit my toe. I’m glad it did; because what followed within the next 2 days was some time off from work to gather my thoughts. I did have a fever, and toileting issues...but those were not exactly clouding my mind. The constant feeling of not being good enough no matter how much energy has drained out of you due to already putting in more than you can physically and emotionally handle? Was this my breaking point? Turns out it was. 

I accepted an interview and day-trial with another veterinary practice not too far from my intial one. They were considering multiple canditates at the time. Oh, and apparently they already hired someone else before, but they didn’t show up on their work day. Everything went smoothly that day, and I was pretty much hired on the spot. Not only that, they were willing to buy me in since I had to give at least a month’s notice to my initial practice unless it was paid forward, but the new practice was hoping that I could report to work the next week. That wasn’t the only thing; they were willing to put me on solo charge. 

Solo charge. Most new veterinary graduates would cringe or shy away from the idea. To be honest, I would have as well, IF I hadn’t had experienced what I experiened at my first practice. This was my chance to experience the opposite end of the spectrum.

Welcome to the deep end, Doc.

Bring it. I accepted the offer. 

2 weeks into my new practice, I have done, single-handedly, all kinds of cases; from itchy skin, to the vomiting dog, the cat with diarrhoea, acute sneezing, coughing, the old Chihuahua with heart failure. Clients were already asking to see me specifically, something that really touched my heart. I felt like I belonged, and valued, where I am now. The number of consults and cases I managed within the first 2 weeks at my new practice was incomparable to the number I did at my previous practice. I felt so like myself, I had the freedom to display empathy towards my clients, provide them with options in terms of treatment and management for their furry friends, and allow them the freedom to choose from those options. I was forming amazing connections, and most of my consults ended up with smiling clients. 

However, there is no doubt that there is always going to be somebody more experienced than me, and knows more than me, but what I also do know, is that we never stop learning. I know when to reach out for help whenever I needed to. The safety, wellbeing and health of my patients and clients are the top-most important factors to me, and I would do everything and anything in my power to ensure that is taken care of. That includes, seeking a secondary opinion, or referal, both of which I have no problems doing whenever I feel that I need to. 

There was one thing though; a client brought in her kitten to see me when I was at my previous practice. Before she left, she turned to me and said, “I really do hope you stay, you’re so good with my cat, I want to see you again the next time I visit.” How bittersweet. I would never forget that client, nor her cat.

I cannot be more thankful for where I am today. The worst thing I could have done to myself because of imposter syndrome, was to give up....and I know for a fact that that isn’t me. 

[wanderingstethoscope]

First Day Jitters 😬

“I’m going to bed, goodnight!”

“It’s 8:30pm. Are you crazy?”

There I was; laying in bed, with my eyes wide open, my mind racing with thoughts of all kinds.

“What if I mess up tomorrow?”

“What if I say something stupid and make a fool of myself?”

“What if I get lost?”

“What’s the dose rate of Amoxicillin again?”

First day nerves. We have all experienced it. They told me to clock in at 8:30am in the morning. That means I would need to catch the 7:15am bus, ride to my train stop, hop on the train, ride to my station, hop onto Bus 48, and crawl along morning traffic all the way to my clinic.

I would say I’m more of a morning person in general; but when it comes to priorities, I find some extra time in the morning can be beneficial. Like many of us, I do suffer from generalised anxiety.

Anything could go wrong! What if traffic was extra bad that morning? What could be worse than being late on your first day of work? Not just any kind of work; I’m now a veterinary professional. There was no way I was going to give myself a chance to be late that morning. Or any morning, for that matter.

I got up in the ungodly hour of 5:00am. Okay, honestly, I had my alarm set for 6:00am, but nerves and excitement got in the way. I got dressed, grabbed my bag and out the door I went. With an already-accelerating heart rate.

As some of you might have already guessed, I arrived on time. “On-time” as in 8:00am. You see, my definition of being on time is at least 15-30 mins before the set time period. If you arrive on the dot, that’s late. If you arrive about 5 mins past the set time, might as well not show up. This isn’t for everyone, so please don’t attack me!

I will admit I did felt kind of stupid because no one else was there at 8:00am. 30 mins to spare. I should have my breakfast. Luckily I packed a taro-flavoured bun from the bakery I visited the day before. I sat on the steps leading to a mall adjacent to my workplace, and stuffed down my breakfast. It was really good, but because my brain was filled with hay-wired thoughts, I couldn’t enjoy it properly.

And so it began, the initial introductions, the tour around the clinic. As expected, I already forgot everyone’s names within the first 10 mins. I lost count of the number of times I had to ask; “I’m sorry, what was your name again?” throughout the day! Embarrassing, Dr.Teh.

Everybody was so lovely, and I immediately felt a family born forming. That’s how I knew that we could click as a team, as all conversations that we shared just came naturally. I would say that I was very lucky to find a vet family that I could get along so well on the first day of my first job as a newly graduated veterinarian. The vibe we shared was amazing.

The day was jammed packed with different cases and consults, and it got so busy that I forgot about time passing. Vomiting dogs, coughing puppies, cats with diarrhoea. You name it. It’s so amazing how much you could learn just in a single day. I palpated my very first hernia case (I know, hernias are generally pretty common, so I guess I was unlucky in vet school). Before I knew it, it was time for my evening shift, which went by just as quickly as the morning and afternoon.

The feeling as a newly graduated veterinarian is way different from when I was a student. Yes, I will still be shadowing a more experienced vet for the first week like how I always had in vet school. But minus the worry of having to study for exams, or having somebody watching over you like a hawk. I had set lunch breaks, which was such a blessing. In vet school, I sometimes had to go a whole day without having a single bite of food, only to end up with rather shaky hands during surgery.

It’s hard to put in words how excited I am to begin my new life as a veterinarian. What I can guarantee is that every new day is NEVER going to be the same, and just that in itself gives me such an adrenaline rush! I’m always learning, and I’ll never stop learning. Life is complex but beautiful, and it’s up to us to bring out the curiosity within us, and learn. There’s so much to look forward to.

p.s. Found this poor bird with an injured wing. Brought the poor thing back home, and learned how to bandage a bird’s wing. Took me a couple of tries as she was struggling, but we got there eventually! I used a figure-of-8 wing wrap and a body wrap, taking care not to obstruct its breathing.

[wanderingstethoscope]

My Near-Death Experience in Vet School

Trigger warning. 

You read that right. 

It was the final year of vet school. After 4 and a half long years of constant grind, sweat and tears, we have made it this far as vet students. All the more reason to push through no matter what, right? Wrong. Well, not always at least. 

I probably should have gotten myself checked up earlier on as soon as symptoms were starting to show. It was about the middle of the year, so I was half-way through completing my clinical rosters. I started feeling light-headed and dizzy at random times during the day, and I always got home feeling completely exhausted. When my mother would tell me to do a chore such as the dishes, I could only mutter the words “I just do not have the energy.”

But of course, I thought that it was normal. I mean, I did work a full 16 hours that day, and the day before, and the day after (yes, really). So obviously, I brushed it off. This exhaustion continued for the next couple of months. I started experiencing shortness-of-breath, my heart rate was always quicker than normal (I assumed that this was due to anxiety while working in the vet hospital), and I struggled to recall certain facts. However, being the goal-driven but also very stubborn me, I refused to get myself checked. I forced myself to push through. In a way, I was worried that my condition might be serious, and that if I were to end up in hospital, I would have had to miss school. I guess my subconscious knew that it could be something serious going on, but I avoided the thought altogether as I all I cared about was school. 

Stupid, stupid girl.

Fast forward towards the end of the year; when my family and I planned a weekend trip to Ohakunae, a town in the North Island of New Zealand (where I studied). That was when we noticed that something was....indeed, seriously wrong with me. I could hardly take a few steps forward without getting out of breath. My thoughts were foggy; as I could hardly think straight. On the way back from our trip, I was so nauseous that I had to lay in the back seat. For some very weird reason, my body suddenly decided that it was craving soup dumplings. Soup dumplings, out of everything! I begged and begged my parents to get some at our usual restaurant “Noodles and Dumplings”. No other soup dumplings would have satisfied me. Once we got there and took a seat at our table, I realised that I had to use the toilet urgently. However, my energy levels were so dangerously low that I could not even find the energy to stand up. The soup dumplings arrived; I took one bite and placed immediately placed my utensils back down onto the table. I could not swallow. I managed an apple when we arrived home. However, things got worse when I suddenly threw up. I remember reaching for my phone to call my dad, and I could hardly utter the words “Get the ambulance.”

The ambulance arrived shortly after; but strangely enough, all my vitals seemed normal. Except for one thing. When they pulled my eyelids down with their fingertips, they all went; “Hmm, well you are pretty pale.” 

They rushed me to the nearest clinic in town. Since I still felt nauseous on the way there, they had to give me an intramuscular shot of Odansetron into my right thigh. That hurt like a ****. The effects of the anti-nausea medication kicked in after 10 minutes, and I immediately felt better. When the doctor performed vital checks on me, everything was normal and I felt so much better. Hence, they let me go and told me to “stay home and rest”. 

My parents, however, were not satisfied. Especially my dad. He refused to let it slide and insisted that I needed a blood test. So after much arguing, there I was again, back at the clinic, getting a blood test. I remember sitting in the waiting room with my parents for results. When my mum and I decided to take a walk around the block, just as we stepped our foot out the door, the doctor came running after us, with a piece of paper flapping in her hands; which I assumed were my blood test results. She uttered the words that would drive any parent into a mode of panic...

“Your daughter needs to go straight to the hospital, right now, to get a blood transfusion. They are expecting her RIGHT NOW!”

Turns out that my haemoglobin levels were dangerously low, at 44g/L (normal being at least 121g/L). 

I was pretty much on my death bed already. 

My parents rushed me to the emergency department at the only hospital in town. Thankfully enough, it was not a long wait. I received a group-chat text on my phone. It was from one of my friends from my clinical rotation at school; and it read; “Hey guys, there is a blood transfusion cat coming in later today. Anyone want the case?”

I replied, with “shocked” emojis; “I’m getting one at the hospital now!”

Turns out that I needed three whole bags of blood. Even with three bags, my blood levels were still low at 80g/L. However, all I was worried about at the time was how I could get back into clinical rotations at school. Yes, that was how stupid I was being overly focused on schoolwork. I was about to die and yet, that wasn’t enough for me to “wake up” and to put myself and my health first. I insisted to get discharged from the hospital the next day, so I could get back to work at school. Fortunately, the doctors felt that it was alright to let my body regenerate its own blood while staying on iron supplements. Hence, my wish to be discharged the following day, was granted.

I went straight back to work the following morning. My friends thought I was crazy. Now looking back, I probably was. I completely ignored my needs, for school. I pushed my health aside, for school. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. Carrying that belief with me all throughout vet school was detrimental to my health, both emotionally and physially, but I didn’t realise what I was doing to myself at the time. I was so close to death, and yet I did not care. A very scary thought indeed. 

Here I am typing this, about 5 months after the incident. I am still on iron supplements, and have included more iron-based foods into my diet, such as beef, lamb and tofu. 

What I learned from this experience is how critical it is to love yourself enough to put your health first, before anything else. If I am unable to do that, how can I expect myself to save an animal? 

By the way, when I asked my friends at school how the “blood transfusion cat” was doing, they replied me with “Better than you! Didn’t end up coming in!”

[wanderingstethoscope]

“You got 74% overall but it still be a fail.”

Late in the year of 2020, I was standing in one of the rooms in the British Council in Singapore, ready to take a supplementary exam which could either; one; result in me having to repeat an entire year of vet school, or two; progress into fourth year. Perhaps “ready” was not the right term in this case, as I remember breaking out in cold sweat, and all I could hear was ringing in my ears, with a lump in my throat. But it had nothing to do with how prepared I was to take this exam.

Just two days before the exam, I was told that the council would provide me with a working computer to complete my online exam. On the morning of the exam, I had an inkling that something was going to go very wrong. So I grabbed my own laptop and shoved it into my backpack, just in case. I arrived on time, and was let into the room by an invigilator. She was an older Singaporean lady with a strong accent, immediately bringing back memories of my primary school teacher when I lived in the country. I asked her, “So, which computer am I using?”. She looked puzzled. I continued, “I was told via email that the council would provide one. This is an online exam.” She replied with, “They did not tell me anything about providing you with a computer.”

My heart started to race as I thought to myself, “Okay, that is fine, right? I’ve got my own.” I unzipped my backpack, pulled out my laptop and turned it on. 5 minutes before exam time. I glanced at the battery percentage, 18%! Sweet, amazing, wow. Yeah, good luck trying to complete a 2 hour exam with 18% battery life, Weiyin. I reached for my charger and looked around for a plug. To my absolute horror and realisation, my charger could not fit into any of the sockets. I did not have a universal plug with me. Idiot! I was not in Middle Earth, or Narnia, whatever you want to call that beautiful country.

That was when panic really started to hit me like a ton of bricks. I looked around frantically. There was an old computer by the corner so I asked if I could use it, but the invigilator seemed reluctant as she did not know how the exam was being run.

“Listen, all I need is to sign into Kuracloud and complete the exam. It is a platform that can be assessed anywhere. Please.” I begged. She still sounded hesitant.

I felt so hopeless at the time until all I could mutter was… “This means a lot to me…”

After at least 10 minutes of frantic exchanging of jumbled words, she finally gave in. I did my exam with shaky fingers, punching onto the keyboard, regurgitating whatever knowledge my limited brain cells had retained post-that incident, thanked her for her assistance, and left the council with a mind still fogged up with anxiety. What a fantastic start to the new year.

Usually, this kind of incident would kill my appetite. But strangely enough, I knew only one thing that could make me happy at that point; unagi. Yes, unagi. Grilled eel. I boarded the underground sub, and made my way to Clarke Quay’s Don Don Donki, a Japanese discount chain store. As I entered, my ears were immediately filled with that irritating and yet catchy theme song that plays in-store 24/7, but boy was I happy to hear it. I went straight to the food section, grabbed the unagi bento box, paid, and ate there. Finally, good eel that tastes nothing like the one I had at Palmerston North’s Wabi Sabi. No offense.

[wanderingstethoscope]

“I saw the Bagels, he saw the Line”

A quote by “Simon Sinek”, one of my favourite inspirational speakers.

Everyone has something that they desire; be it a goal, a skill set, or even something as simple as happiness. Knowing what we want is one thing, but the journey to get there? That is another story.

The problem is, if we allow ourselves to continuously dread on the tracherous path to success, we can expect ourselves to experience the following; stress, depression, anxiety, overthinking, overanalysing. But there is a way around it, and that is to shift our mindset by focusing on the goal itself, and to fall in love with the journey it took to get there.

I used to hate studying; my father once told me that when I was a kid, he got so mad that he tossed my schoolbag out the door, because I was putting such minimal priority on my studies. When I got to university, I realised that with the kind of grades I was getting, there was no way for me to get accepted into my childhood dream course; veterinary science. My GPA was so low that I had to study another 2 extra years to “get rid of the old grades” to bring the average up. I had no one else to blame, but myself and myself only. 

If I had dwelled on how long it would take to get there, and the amount of effort I had to put in to get the top grades, I would have given up.

Instead, I learned to fall in love with the journey.

I chose science papers that challenged me; that included Biochemistry and Genetics at the Univerisity of Canterbury. I learned that a good challenge is what drives me, and I go by “difficult but fun”, rather than “easy but boring”. 

I made myself a promise, that no matter how difficult and painful this is going to be, I am going to do everything in my power to enjoy it.”  That was when I was able to make such amazing connections, both with my classmates and my course lecturers. I wish I could put in words how much fun I had learning with them, and how thankful I am to have met such amazing people in my life, all of them so passionate in what they do. The laughter we shared together is something I would forever appreciate, as it got us through really tough moments in the degree. We kept in touch even up till this very day, and I believe that our friendship would last a lifetime. 

I remember so many beautiful and hilarious moments I had while studying at the UC. Our funny professor saying how the bacterium E.coli is smarter than the class (I had a voice recording of this and used it as my daily alarm clock to motivate me!), the time my professor’s dog chewed up my EXAM script (I remember this day so clearly; I walked into class in the morning, and two of my professors staring at me as I took my seat. I thought, “Okay, what’s going on?”, and one of them sat next to me, pulled out my torn-apart exam script, and showing me a picture of a Poodle on his phone with a naughtly glint in that puppy’s eyes!). The content of the courses, although challenging, was such a joy to learn, all because of the people I’ve met and the moments we shared. Good grades came automatically, because that is how we best learn; to enjoy what we are doing. 

Another thing I learned, is that the journey to achieve our goal is not going to get any shorter, so we have two choices;

1) Feel daunted by it and give up, and settle for an alternative less than what we truly want.

2) Take that first step, then the second, and keep going, and love every step of the way. 

Again, there is no right or wrong on how we choose to do things, but life has shown us many times before, that there really is no short-cut.

“You’re such a crack up, Weiyin. I would have just given up!” - what one of my good friends said to me when I told him my story. No hard feelings, buddy, it was funny! Good to know that I am a crack up ;) 

If I had to do it all over again, would I? Yes, yes I would. 

P.S. Below is a picture of my torn-up exam script. Thank you dog, because there might have been a sliiiiight chance that my professor gave me a higher grade than I deserved because of you ;)

[wanderingstethoscope]

2017, the Year I Nearly Gave Up but Didn’t

I have always wanted to start a blog about my life, but never really got round into doing it. I blame my “all-or-nothing” attitude. No doubt, this mindset has gotten me places in life, but at other times I find myself fighting an internal battle with my own thoughts. So, here I am, a newly graduated veterinarian, at the age of 25, using Tumblr for the very first time. Obviously, life as a vet student got too busy for me to even process my own thoughts and feelings, let alone starting a blog.  Although, perhaps I was “semi-avoiding” those thoughts, as I know, for a fact, that if I do indeed allow myself to dwel into the unknown, I might deterioriate. Besides the overwhelming amount of content that gets taught to us every single day, there was also a seemingly continuous pilling of random assignments, mini exams throughout the semester, dealing with friendships, minimal sleep, etc, and not to mention the pressure to actually perform well. I, unfortunately, gathered the habit of setting unrealistic expectations on myself. Obviously, my mental health was sacrificed, ignored even, that, unfortunately, affected my performace, relationships between family and peers, and also my own self-confidence. Don’t get me wrong, though; vet school is an extremely rewarding degree. On the good days, you get to see the smile on your clients’ faces, the wag of a puppy’s tail with paws too big for their size, purring kitties, the re-visiting old cat with hyperthyroidism that has been improving and still as sweet as ever, and not to mention the lovely teaching staff members and life-long friends that you make along the way. 

Thought I’d share my journey on how I got accepted into the degree; because veterinary science is something many would love to do, but, if you were anything like me, had this belief that this dream of mine was close to impossible.....since I was never naturally smart, and was FAR from being an A+ student. But I am here to tell you today that any dream is possible, you just need to be willing to put in the hard work and grind.  

I completed high school in Christchurch, New Zealand in the year of 2015. As a student, I always had an interest in science and animals; and so veterinary science had always been at the back of my mind ever since. The only problem was, that I never believed in myself. Regardless, I applied for the pre-veterinary programme at Massey University New Zealand, and basically “half-arsed” my way through the first semester. To no surprise, I was not accepted into the degree. I remember contacting the undergraduate staff to seek advice for re-application; and was told, that I was required to get at least ALL A’s for ALL papers for 4 more semesters. That was my wake-up call; that there was really nothing else I’d rather do with my life, so if I really wanted this, I had to put in the work. I remember my father sitting out by the deck at my old house in Christchurch, and me opening the window from my room, saying... 

“Hey dad, um, just so you know, there is a very likely chance that you will not see me for the next 2 whole years, as I will be too busy burying my face in books.”

That was when the grind started; I enrolled myself in other science-related papers such as Biochemistry, Genetics and Conservation. I was studying non-stop, round-the-clock; only making an appearance at meal times. Exam periods were extremely stressful; there was a time when I only had a day to revise a semester’s worth of a Genetics paper...and I was sitting on the floor of the dining room at 2am, bawling and feeling absolutely hopeless (embarrassing, I know, but to my surprise I did well for that paper, lol). I remember setting up unrealistic rules for myself, and my typical day went like this:

4:00 am : Wake up 

4:30 am: Begin study

and pretty much having my head in my books all the way until 10pm. 

Little things would trigger me; such as when I went 2 minutes overtime on a topic, or if my lunch order was late since I had to rush back to study. Not fun. 

2017; the year I finally got my grades up with a GPA competitive enough for vet school. I re-applied for vet in 2017 with a GPA of 8 out of a 9 point scale, with my latest semester grades of straight 4 A+’s. I remember the day that they released the selection outcomes; and the agonising wait that came with it. I was playing a movie on my laptop while spamming the “re-fresh” button on Yahoo! Mail. Results came 2 hours later than the expected time; and without opening the email, I peeked at the first sentence that popped up in the preview; 

“Kia ora Weiyin,” 

What? Why didn’t it start with a “Congratulations!”? 

I clicked open the email and to my utmost dissapointment, I was rejected. The heartache and dismay that came after was nothing like I’ve ever experienced. I gave absolutely everything, continously for 2 whole years, and was still rejected. I cried my heart out. 

As I am writing this, I just asked my beloved grandmother how many tears I cried when I got rejected, and she just answered me with “enough to make my heart break.” 

Why was I rejected? Because the school had implemented a new selection system; instead of the GPA comprising 80% of the overall ranking, it was lowered to just 50%, and the other 50% comprised of non-academic skills i.e. multiple-mini interviews (MMIs), situational judgement tests (SJTs), etc. This implied that not only I had to continue keeping my GPA up, but also to ace the non-academic part of the selection process. 

I felt hopeless at the time, and thought that, maybe, it was just not meant to be. 

Or maybe, just maybe, if I just gave one last try. 

And so I enrolled myself into “Toastmasters”, a public speaking club. There I learned to be comfortable speaking in front of an audience, practice active listening, and form creative ways to craft out a speech. It was such an experience, and it was amazing how easily you can turn nervousness into excitement when giving a speech. Every day, I would practice all kinds of scenarios that were likely to be tested in the MMI. I continued to do these until impromptu speeches felt almost natural to me. 

Year 2018 finally came. I remember it being about 4:00 am in the morning, on the 7th of July 2018, when I checked my email. That was the moment I received my acceptance letter. Of course, my family were all waiting anxiously for my results...

“Hey ma, pa, looks like I’ll be graduating soon...” At the time, I was almost done with completing my Biochemistry degree. They responded with a very saddened “Ohh...”. 

Then I continued, “in 5 years time” ;)