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dear samantha,

you were always so beautiful. filled with grace and gifted with a smile that no one can erase. constantly cheery, you always remind me the world is a beautiful place.

i still remember the time our arms first brushed against each other. “sorry” you quickly muttered. you were born in the same world as me, but, how come you were structured differently? kind, full of love, you never have second thoughts about helping others.

samantha, you always glow as bright as the sun. you give me light even when i am in the darkest of nights. 

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tired

Raindrops pouring- producing a familiar sound of nature. The steady tik tak splashes about two feet away from where I am sitting. After four hours straight of staring on my computer screen, I finally glance away and grasp reality. I just finished a nine page report which is the start of even more paper works and effort. This definitely is a never-ending trail of tasks that I will have to accomplish- similar to a heavy storm. But, after a storm, there’s always peace, right?

These days I have been continuously working and depleting all energy that can be possibly stored in my little frame. What for? How come I have been getting zero hours of sleep often? The heavy amount of tasks that I have to do cannot be comprehended anymore with simple to do lists. At this point I am just waiting for myself to snap.

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MY BIRTHDAAYY

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY HANNAH

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what else could i have done?

the sight of your figure abruptly closing the doors to my life numbed me. it felt like i was cemented to the ground and tied with contraptions wired to explode any moment. one move, one flinch, and i would no longer be able to see anything but light.

all i could do was blink and force myself to realise that you left without a single trace of hesitation. no matter what i would have said, pleaded. nothing would have been sufficient to make you even slightly consider revoking your decision.

did i not make you feel loved? did i not make you think that our relationship was worthy to invest time on? or was it the other way around? did i finally make you feel loved?

i should stop fooling myself and bind the fact in my mind that i knew we were going to end. that is why i tried everything that i could to divert you from coming to that conclusion. i thought that if i exerted enough effort then, you would realise that spending a bit more time with me would be worth it.

but, i guess i failed.

now, i am still stuck in the same spot that you left me in. trying to work out how to deactivate the devices attached to me. pressuring my brain to figure out what else i could have done? what else could i have tried to keep you by my side? but, until i work my way out of this scenario, i will never forget the sight of you walking away, without a single glance back.

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lub dub

sometimes, all i can hear is my own heartbeat. the rhythmic thumps that never fail to fill what otherwise would be an empty heart. it is calming to understand the basic essence of what we categorise as alive. however, troubling to realise that at the end of everything, all we ever are is alone.

but, you redefined my perspective of living. from the seemingly simple mechanism of my heart, you dragged me to realise that minuscule events are always happening and that i should take note of them more often. to enjoy these small changes and to sometimes block out the echoes coming from my heart.

sometimes, all i can hear is my own heartbeat. the rhythmic thumps that never fail to remind me that i once had you by my side. and that at a time, i genuinely did not feel alone.

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i wished my eyes were perfect

i wished my eyes were perfect

i wished to see beautiful landscapes without needing to wince even once. i wished to be able to see breathtaking sights as far as He would allow.

i wanted to see the beautiful colors on every rainbow ever possible. i wanted to experience life in its truest and most vulnerable form.

i wished my eyes were perfect.

i wished to have the clarity of an eagle soaring through the skies. i wished to see the brightest stars in the darkest of nights.

i wished to be capable of seeing beauty in its utmost form.

i wished my eyes were perfect.

with a quick gesture, i was born in the mainland.

i blinked twice, excited for the wonders my eyes were about to see.

but, all i saw was the truth that i can not believe.

my eyes were not perfect.

they were the complete opposite of what i wished.

i could not see sights more than a few meters away. i could not live without human instruments.

why? i cursed to Him.

i wanted perfect eyes. that was all that i asked for.

how can i appreciate beauty with these faulty eyes?

i lived with the feeling of betrayal for years. i felt like i was being punished for an unknown deed.

but, you came along.

my eyes were finally able to see the wonderful structure that He prepared for me. it was not the mountains and forests that i thought would fulfill me, it was you.

it was not the bright stars in the vast sky that would give me clarity and inspiration. it was not the rainbows displayed on the sky that would make me stare in awe with all the colors. it was your eyes. your eyes that possess the most beautiful shade of brown and the brightest twinkle that i can ever imagine.

you are the most breathtaking sight that i could have ever seen.

i wished my eyes were perfect.

and perfect they were indeed.

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trying to understand how i feel about the series (himym)

WHHYYYYYY the series made me cry numerous times? the scenes i remember that pushed me to bawl my eyes out would be the following: death of marshall’s father and all the flashbacks with him, “because if you were going to be some “lame, suburban dad”, why couldn’t you have been that for ME”, the mother’s freaking sudden death, lily and her valid dreams, marshall reminding lily of the time she left him, robin crying because she can’t have a baby, TED JUST being so sad with romance, and many others

i used to really ship robin and barney (there was a time that i didn’t seriously watch the series in order). i only saw some scenes and decided that they were perfect together. but, when i actually watched the series, i stopped shipping robin with anyone. i hate that they had to kill the mother in the story line and ted stole the blue french horn for robin again. it was cute, but it seriously just made me very confused with the concept of love.

get this, the mother and ted were perfect! they were made for each other. but, when she died, ted still liked or liked robin again, so robin is for ted and whAT. i mean love is flexible?? but, uhh at least they all became happy in the end.

robin and ted getting together isn’t a shock really. imagine nine seasons constantly mentioning aunt robin and the mother is not even the real focus on the last season. it’s cool that his daughter and son were very okay with the events that transpired though.

also, i just finished the series on jan 11 and i have not read or exposed myself with theories yet. looking forward for mind-blowing stuff though byest

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sixteen!

OKAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

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✨yoongi and taehyung soft edits!

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✨ASTRO myungjun stellar icons✨

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💓ASTRO eunwoo and moonbin lockscreens💓

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how beautiful could a human be?

how perfect and ravishing could an individual in this world full of misery and cruelness be?

"uhm excuse me, is this puppy yours?" the embodiment of glory spoke to the astonished girl who was only a few steps away from him.

the girl snapped out of her thoughts and nodded- almost violently for she was still in awe with how flawless the boy was.

"well then here you go, he was a very nice companion." the boy handed her the puppy while flashing a friendly smile. she absent mindedly accepted her pet and was stunned with the upwards curling of the boy's rosy and luscious lips.

the dog began licking the sides of her face and the boy can't help but let out a chuckle.

just the simple action made her cheeks turn a slight shade of pink. who was this guy and why was he so perfect?

"t-thank you, for f-finding him?" she finally managed to say something. but, because of how nervous she was, her statement became a query instead.

"no problem." the boy replied while reaching out a hand to ruffle the dog's head. the puppy barked in glee.

"anyways, i'll get going." he continued while making a hand gesture towards his back.

"oh s-sure." the girl shyly looked down in order to hide her warm cheeks. why was she feeling so flustered?

"but before i go, may i ask what your name is?" the girl's head shot upwards. her name was never asked in such a polite way ever before.

"j-jihyun." she felt her cheeks grow redder. she can't believe that this boy would actually want to know her name.

"how a-about you? what's your n-name?" she now fears that the boy may think that she has problems in speaking because she has not uttered a single sentence without stuttering yet.

the boy smiled brightly, causing his eyes to smile as well.

"cha eunwoo."