wishingagain

[wishingagain]

Sick

I’ve been sick frequently this year

I think everything has taken a toll on me

The weight of the world on my shoulders is my career

I’m so tired why can’t no one see

January started with pink eye

February started with stomach bug

April was the flu I felt like I was going to die

Now may and I’m back to stomach sickness like it was due

Why can’t I just be healthy?

I never been sick so much

It always sneaks up on me so stealthy

What did I do to deserve this such?

Universe please give me a sign

What am I doing so wrong?

I crave for someone to co-sign

Please take care of me as I have done for others for so long

Everything at this point is a result of my neglect to me

Please illness leave me be

[wishingagain]

Blaze of fury

I saw the messages with my eyes now

A deep anger took over

Friends I can’t tell you how much my heart was plowed

He made me feel like I was the leftover

The other woman won!

She even laughed in my face

The insults he said about me to her stung

I did not go in grace

I ended up tearing apart the most important thing he made for me

I started screaming at him

Only then is when he started to plea

Numbness started to flood so I had to swim

I never been so angry in my life

I think a sick part of him smiled

Driving my heart into a knife

It was wild

Those messages will be forever engrained

I cannot get them out of my brain

(This is an update to my poem “the other woman”)

[wishingagain]

Old friend

Depression your touch is cold

An all too familiar feeling

My personality you shaped into your mould

Staying in the comfort of my bed staring at the ceiling

Starting in my early teens

I’ve known you for years

I can’t tell if it’s from trauma or genes

You’ve always been a lending ear

You seem to be the only one who understands

But how you sucked the life out of me

extending your cold hands

Never truly setting me free

Depression your love is sick

I need you to stay away so I can live

Your grip is always thick

Your pleasure is writhed

Please go

I don’t want to be a victim anymore

But I already know

You are will always linger in my core

A repeating pattern

You will always come back when others that turn

[wishingagain]

I wish I wasn’t me

I play that one song over and over again

Because my inner soul screams to it

My little self confidence I had is now strained

For hours I scroll to find my answer while I sit

The pictures ingrained in my brain

I’m reliving it, the feelings, the hurt

All hope for relationships down the drain

Just for a few minutes of flirt

Why me I cry out

Its the same thing every time

You say they were nothing as you pout

Now I have a mountain of healing to climb

I wish you were in my shoes

If you were you’d be drowning in booze

[wishingagain]

The other woman

My thoughts are racing

Until I go to sleep

My inner personality scathing

I can’t help to think of it deep

Hearing the words come from your mouth

It was like I was in the car in the back seat

Opportunity with her was scouth

I cannot believe you picked her up to meet

Sitting in my spot

Taking hours of your precious time

All because we fought

Me going through trauma was a crime

Why wasn’t I good enough?

What you put me through was rough.

[wishingagain]

Herbert Arnold Olivier “Sumer is icumen in” (Summer has come in) 1902

[wishingagain]

A true Gemini

Is the very yin and yang

Inner turmoil

[wishingagain]

A warm sunny day

Cool wind blowing through the trees

Now there’s a sunburn

[wishingagain]

Thumbs are twiddling

Eyes in deep space wondering

What is even life?

[wishingagain]

Sunflower

A Sunflower in the field amongst an abundance of others.

In the midst of summer.

Petals are full of color.

Receiving life from the sun.

Soon nature will take its course and you’ll be done.

Going back to earth which you come from.

But sunflower you are not concerned.

You stand all day waiting to be yearned.

From people who have come and returned.

They only pick from around you.

While you wait in the queue.

Even being stepped on by a shoe.

Time passes by.

And you wonder why.

How you never caught someone’s eye.

Feelings of unworthiness start to flow.

Although you don’t let it show.

It will soon take over and dim your glow.

Sunflower you haven’t learned to love yourself.

Be at peace with thyself.

You don’t know that you would end up on a shelf.

You’d be a temporary eye catch.

Without the sun and the patch.

Your beautiful petals will detach.

You need to not worry.

About the attention of people that are in a hurry.

Trust that you only need yourself and other problems will become blurry.

[wishingagain]

Baby blue

Baby blue how do you do.

Looking at the world through and through.

With the smile on your face, with courage you pursue.

Playing with your toys.

Ignoring all the white noise.

Chasing kitties you annoy.

So innocent, so free.

Happiness guaranteed.

Full of optimism you always foresee.

Deep down I am blue.

Taking my past choices into review.

Soon my solution is due.

Your father being far away.

His consequences on display.

Because his own actions led him astray.

Just know baby blue.

I’ll always love you for you.

Even when bad times are in view.

You will never be alone.

Especially when you’re grown.

I will always be your stepping stone.

[wishingagain]

I’ll see you later

I see you in my dreams.

But dreams are merely just screens.

So livid, feels like I live another life.

Sometimes I forget you even died.

I know you are my guide.

That I need in my awake mind.

I see you in my dreams.

Even if I’m called crazy.

I can see you in a field of daisies.

Happy and at peace.

It puts my mind at ease.

You always said it’s never goodbyes it’s always see you later.

So I’ll see you later, alligator.

[wishingagain]

[wishingagain]

[wishingagain]

A false love

From day one I knew we were destined.

I was so invested.

Our love untested.

You left for a year.

While I stayed here.

Waiting for you to reappear.

You came back.

Unknowing that our love will be attacked.

We were on the wrong track.

We got married and expecting a bundle of joy.

Soon enough it will be all destroyed.

I had four months to enjoy.

Then I found it.

At that moment I knew you never did commit.

You never did fully admit.

In a split second my life was destroyed.

Our marriage now a void.

The man I thought I knew just a decoy.

Family and friends abandoned me.

Telling me that we have to be.

Even though now I’m the absentee.

I was pregnant and you were still cheating.

Feeling like your love was depleting.

Every day I was weeping.

Over two years later I’m still picking up the pieces.

Even though I look into our child eyes and my love increases.

Making me proud in everything she does.

I can get through the days with somewhat ease.

But your love was a disease.

The thought of marriage makes me displeased.

But I’ll be fine.

I won’t let it define.

But future me will no longer be blind.

[wishingagain]

A mothers poison

Oh mother I love you so

Even when you hit me with your lowest of lows.

Your words hit me like a mudflow.

Clogging my mind, tainting my thoughts.

Only worried about your wants.

No concerned for your daughters loss.

Oh mother I love you so

Even when your feelings overflow.

Being vulnerable as a doe.

Showing us it’s ok to be hit in the name of love.

But never actually beloved.

Just only shoved.

Oh mother I love you so

I just want you to know.

Even if you never say a simple hello.

All the abuse still haunts me.

My thoughts truly never set me free.

your jealousy is always guaranteed.

Oh mother I love you so,

I will always look for your love even if you never show.

In my eyes you’ll always be 6 feet below.

Longing to be that innocent child.

Before I was defiled.

Just know that I tried.

To be the woman you never were.

When I look into in her.

I see that she overcomes.

whatever that does come.

She will not repeat the cycle.

She will protect and love,

And show a real mothers love.

[wishingagain]

Hi welcome to my poetry page where I deal with my feelings