#CW: Negative

[dvilsdesire]

// Ever have days where you just hate everything you do? That's me today (:

[kachikirby]

State of the Blog Address (Kinda)

I don't expect too many people who follow me to read this, but I want to be straightforward with what has been going on.

I will still go on with art and I will continue my light novel translations. Just once again, I've been doing translations at a much slower rate due to my job being proofreading English translations of light novels.

But you might have all noticed I might have been snapping at others or having more frequent anxiety attacks over small things. Well, there is a reason for that.

Note that this is a very condensed version of events.

I have been in conflict with the SSA and the Department of Human Services in my state in order to keep my medical insurance so I can continue to get the help that I need and stay medicated for my various mental health problems. Unfortunately, in order for this, I have to apply for disability, which is something I don't need because I can work perfectly fine, I just need insurance. However, I have been told I needed to appeal and go to court over it.

Then because I was taken off my father's insurance, I now am able to be covered for the insurance because my income isn't enough to handle it on my own. This should end this conflict, correct? No. For some reason, I'm still hearing about needing to show up in court to fight this.

I did have a lawyer who was going to represent me in this case, but he dropped out after seeing that there was no way he could win this and because all the notes say that I can work. Yes, I can work, but one of the people reviewing my case said that I can work as a delivery driver.

Me, a woman, working as a delivery driver, potentially at night. Yeah, nothing bad is going to happen here /sarc.

Look the whole point of this is that I don't care about getting money from this, I just need insurance. So, I then called my case worker about this, and they told me to contact the disability specialist, so I don't have to worry about the aforementioned court case. So the thing is that I've first heard about contacting this person two weeks ago.

I have called and left a message for him every single day the office is open, and he has not answered or returned my call since. The customer service line will not help because they would direct me to my case worker and my case worker directs me to the person and so I just am stuck here praying that I get an answer some day.

So yeah, I've been extremely stressed about this, especially since my dad has metaphorically thrown me into the deep end of a swimming pool with the expectation that I can swim and then proceeds to get mad at me when I'm starting to drown because I don't know what I'm doing.

So yeah, that is fun. Please do keep this in mind if I am acting strangely or having a break down because this is something that has been going on since around September and it has caused me to have more mental breakdowns in the past few weeks than I should normally have.

-

Anyway, if you actually took time to read this, thank you for listening to me rant. I hope you have a nice whatever time of your day you read this.

Please be patient with me.

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

.

i'm getting real tired for being joked for being chubby it's not funny anymore as much as i try to be aware that its just a joke

never in my life have i ever cared to be insecure about my body. like the complete entirety of my body. i literally never gave a flying FUCK about it because im really content with how i look. im honestly so happy with how i look.

yeah. i've been eating a lot more lately, but that's because...? i'm just eating? i genuinely dont understand

im not gonna mention who is this person but they always talk about how i'd look plumpy (initally saying it's the good kind of plump because i used to be super skinny and pale) which meant i ate healthy

but recently its now becoming a joke that i'm. just fucking fat. like. funny looking. just hilarious to look at.at first i didnt give a shit because????? it's not severe? im actually so bothered and mad right now because i literally cannot see where's the issue? im actually struggling to come up with words right now because im so mad and irriitated

the turning point that started me to go complain here was because i was drawing. i was drawing a character. the person immediately assumed its me because of the green outfit (they'd be right). i gave them an outfit that would make it "bloat" at the bottom because the dress is big and they immediately walk up to me like. "oh is she pregnant? why does she look so big? shes you, right? becayse of that big stomach."

usually. i'd laugh and say something else. but. but the factthey commented about my art which is supposed to be a posititve projection ofme and make fun of me of it- i couldnt laugh. i didnt want to laugh this time. i swiped them away from me (they were physically playing with me) and told them to stop joking about it, and that it wasnt funny

they walked away saying nothing. im so upset right now. fucking tears coming out , i should not be crying about this dumb shit but here we are

i always loved seeing peoples' inserts appearing plump and plus sized, because i always feel so happy for them for being honest about how they look. but here i am. feeling like shit about MY OWN appearance. i always love cropped top sleeves and anything similar to it. but now it's making me feel ugly for even wanting to wear it.

i dont like venting here. i hate ruinung the vibes of my blog. but this popped a vein in me so bad that i need to complain about it.

sorry. thank you for reading allthe way if you did.

[orreanintrepidness]

Ok gang so. Rye here is in a bit of a funny situation.

Due to circumstances regarding my workplace that I really don't want to get into for the sake of my own mental health ( I have stressed enough over it as it is, I really don't want to have to go over explaining it all, sorry) I was not paid this month, and as such, I cannot afford basic things such as food, ect. My rent is fine, I always keep a spare month's rent in case this shit occurs, and my landlord is aware of the situation anyway and understands.

As it stands, I have enough to feed myself for 3 days, I have been told I absolutely will be paid this month, but not until the 24th. Essentially, I need to find money for 11 days worth of food. As such, I've been left with little choice but to do something I haven't done before and have always been hesitant on doing. I'm not an artist, but I am a writer of (I like to think) a decent enough standard to where I can, at the very least, offer writing commissions.

No. I do not intend to turn this into something I do on the side, this is purely something I am doing in order to make sure I eat this month.

Regarding what I'll write? Anything that does not violate the laws of the United Kingdom is on the table. I of course reserve the right to refuse anything I am not comfortable working with. Examples (Though limited) of my work can be found at: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bigg_boss https://www.tumblr.com/orreasshole/725047503591964672/the-end-of-the-phenac-rebellion?source=share

As for pricing. it goes as follows:

Ko-Fi ONLY! (Someone reminded me that Ko-Fi exists and Ko-Fi is great for helping me remain transparent with what everything is going on) https://ko-fi.com/ryestuff

£3 - 100 to 500 words £5 - 500 to 999 words £10 - 1000 to 1500 words

Anything above 1500 words will have to be discussed, once again, once I close these commissions, they are STAYING closed unless I somehow end up literally bankrupt through no fault of my own again Anyone interested can either contact me via Tumblr DMs, or my discord which is pretty much in the hands of everyone now anyway.

Any kind of spreading of this is appreciated. Truly. I don't like doing this, but I have little choice in the matter.

[irl-batsignal]

Maybe I should take a break. I feel like I should.

[the-potpourri]

(Small, personal vent under the read more)

(I have come to the conclusion that I give up too easily. Like, if I send something and just don't get a reply, I don't look for logical answers. I just immediately start wondering if i did something wrong and conclude that any more asks would be trying too hard. It all just leads to a spiral of negative emotions that paralyze any attempts at doing things going forward.

I don't know how to change this mindset or if I even can at this stage. It's just that ingrained in my psyche and I've come to accept it.

As an aside, I wanna apologize to everyone I've come across as too pushy towards. Especially in the shipping department. I hyerfixate and realize how annoying and put offing that can be. No excuse, I'm just dumb.

Lotta other things I wanna say but think are better left unsaid. Would just come across as worse than I am.

That's all then. Just wanted that off my chest. Thanks for listening.

-Aubri)

[sheikfangirl]

What I wished happened in Tears of the Kingdom 🥲

Been itching to draw something like this since first playing the game.

I absolutely HC that Puppet Zelda's "true form" is a grotesque gloom abomination.

An alternate version of the climax of "Crisis at Hyrule Castle" "lives rent free in my mind. The cat and mouse chase ending in the Sanctum, with Puppet Zelda revealing her true self: an attrocious horrific monster wearing Zelda's face. This is the real her and all this hatred breaks her Zelda looking shell apart. Time for an emotional and tormented final confrontation.

Also, it's my one year Tumblr anniversary!!?? Whhhaaaatttt already?

Thank you for tagging along by small LoZ corner of the interwebs.

Cheers!! AND GLORY TO PUPPET ZELDA!

[ponderousorb]

my back has been in such a bad way, doctor thinks one of the discs is trying to escape and pushing into my nerves. Been crawling around on the ground like a beast bc standing is terrible. Then my mother is like "walk it off" on the phone Ireland is truly bananas. They think you can walk off any illness. Including the spine problem making my leg go dead!

[a-moth-called-mof]

[heartless-aro]

Loveless aro: I don’t really connect with the idea of love. Due to my personal experiences as an aromantic person, I find it uncomfortable to label what I feel as love, and I find it empowering to reject love altogether as a concept.

Non-loveless person: But don’t you love chicken nuggets? Don’t you love your friends and family? Don’t you love the sun on your face? Don’t you love taking a shit when you have a stomach ache? Why won’t you let me force labels onto you?

[dawnscales]

At work today a guy asked where our travel guides are. I was carrying a bunch of things & on my way downstairs so I could only point with my elbow but basically "that door & then straight to the end of the room, my colleague is there if you need help"

that worked out fine but when i was back upstairs at the library & sat down to continue placing orders he asked again, or rather "I can't find the region I am looking for" & honestly our traveling guide section can be a lot. Also if you don't know that we put some places together, it gets even harder. He was looking for some maps about Bosnia so I showed him.

That's when he saw my star of David necklace & complimented it. I said thanks & got ready to return to my spot. All of a sudden, as I am already halfway across the floor, he yells "Oh & I need something else. I need books about the Nakba. You know what this is, right? The ongoing genocide committed by the Jewish people"

I told him I know what he means & if he could wait a moment. I told my co-worker to please take over as adviser for me, told him what the man is looking for & that we definitely have books about the topic.

It honestly was the right timing because my shift would end in 10 minutes & two girls needed help with books about a topic I just had training for so I knew I could help them real fast.

The man ignored my co-worker & proceeded to follow me, shouting. I informed him that I am currently helping other people & my co-worker can help, he is actually in charge of our history & politics section. I got a "I don't want him. I want your help. You know what is going on, don't you?"

It took me somewhat snapping & more rudely informing him that I am currently busy helping other people & getting a bit louder myself. It also took my co-worker putting his body between the guy & me for him to go quiet & then mutter "so you're fucking busy" & leaving.

This isn't okay. This is antisemitism. I do not wear a name tag that shows I have a name more commonly found in Israel. I do not speak with an accent - yes I grew up the first years of my life in Israel & I have dual citizenship. But he does not know that. All he saw was a visibly Jewish person.

My co-worker had me go to our office & informed me I could leave once he went through our library & made sure the guy wasn't outside. Like sincerely this is fucked up. I want to wear my Star of David, I want to be visibly Jewish. I don't want to put myself or my co-workers in danger.

I didn't realize how much this fucked me up until I arrived home, sat down & suddenly just cried.

EDIT 31.10.24: I want to say even if I was visibly Israeli, even if I wore the Israeli flag THIS WOULD NOT BE OKAY . I need people to know that I actually love my home country - I hate the government but I love the place - I have family there, October 7th was a horrific massacre & my family lost friends that day .

While we still lived in Israel my father often took me along to discussions between Israelis and Palestinians, I was raised to hope and believe in a two state solution in which both Palestinians and Israelis can live in safety and dignity. I still hope in that.

[orreanintrepidness]

Yeah nope here come the panic attacks. I hope whoever thought such an accusation was okay to make is fucking happy. Cunt.

[lil-vibes]

Day 19: Show the real form

Previous/Next

(prompt list here!)

[vermwerm]

graphic design is my passion

[rainbowbutterfrosting]

Anyway, I've broken down the video into more easily digestible clumps under the cut. Time stamps and me yelling at him included.

0:42 "There's been a lot of different clashing labels and opinions about me on the internet over the past year; the loudest of which (on both sides of the fence) have been quite unhealthy, stemming from accusations made about me from just over a year ago."

Really crazy how he says "accusations" like he didn't confirm it on Twitter when it initially happened.

It's also interesting how he says "unhealthy," it's almost like he's calling the people saying it unhealthy, rather than his own actions.

0:53 "I'm not here to drop any bombshells- I don't want to reopen any old discussions. I responded to the situation in February of last year and I still stand by everything I said in that statement."

So we've gone from "accusations" to standing by his own statement. Ah okay.

1:05 "I understand it was misinterpreted by some people, probably due to my wording."

Oh okay. "Accusations" -> standing by his own statement -> OTHER people misinterpreted (well then why couldn't he make a follow up post of some kind?)

1:09 "I know some people are still looking for clarity- especially nowadays, where personal transparency is more common amongst content creators than it's ever been before.

Don't be shy, just say you were held accountable!

Also why is he saying "more common" "than it's ever been before" like that sldfkjs. It sounds like he's talking about a disease rather than being a decent human being.

1:17 "However, this clarity (the clarity I've offered to my close friends and my family) would mean publicly sharing deeply personal parts of my private life and my relationships with the internet. I've never been comfortable doing that and I don't believe that should be the cost of being understood."

You'd almost imagine that after about a year and a half of being radio silent, that he might've been comfortable at this point? But yeah no worries, Wilbur, because you don't need to post publicly!!! You don't need to have a platform!!

But gosh, he's so concerned about the audience having clarity. I'm 1:30 into the 6 minute video, I sure do hope the majority of the video isn't promotion. (Subtle foreshadowing)

But anyway, back to the video

1:32 "All I can say is that the labels that have been attributed to me by social media are not true, and I don't accept them."

Don't be shy, explain which labels. Say them.

1:39 "I don't believe in this expectation that content creators should use their platforms to attack and defend."

I love how he's using "attack and defend" to better portray himself as a wounded victim, rather than DIRECTLY hurting people to make them victims.

It's also funny how he's implying that he naturally deserves the right to be a content creator, and thus he shouldn't have to justify any of his actions ever, even if they were (by definition) harmful to others.

1:46 "I definitely don't think [attacking and defending on social media is] how serious accusations should be handled."

Well no, you don't believe in handling serious "accusations" in general. Don't be shy, mention any details about what happened. Imply a LITTLE bit about what you're referring to.

It's interesting how he's using the word "accusation" to escape any responsibility. It's like he's trying to gaslight people into thinking it never happened/was all a lie??

1:50 "I felt this way for a really long time now, having seen other content creators go through similar situations."

Don't be shy, mention what other content creators or kinds of situations. Are you referring to ones that were able to prove that it was a lie? Or are you referring to ones that took advantage of vulnerable people and didn't respect their boundaries, then expected complete respect on their platform?

I also enjoy another use of "situation." Maybe he got tired of saying "accusation" 10 trillion times, but the word has the exact same meaning lmaoo.

And btw, in case anyone thinks I'm being too sensitive about the literal meanings of words he's saying, I think he knows full well what kind of language he's using. In case anyone forgot, he really enjoyed writing/things having deep, philosophical meanings (him writing that dsmp fanfic, his fake crash outs, general monologues, etc.) So in my opinion, it's incredibly unlikely he's using these words by accident.

1:55 "I know it's not a perspective that's going to satisfy everyone, but it's one I can get behind, and I hope that makes sense to you."

No yeah, it makes sense. You're using this as a justification of your own actions so you don't view yourself in the wrong!!

Also "I hope that makes sense to you" sounds really... pathetic. More subtle victim card imo. He gets to sound innocent if people don't get it.

2:01 "None of this is me trying to dig up or dwell on the past here."

Nono, this isn't about "dwelling on the past." This is about acknowledging the actions he decided to take that ended up with people being hurt.

This feels like explaining basic morality to a toddler.

2:04 "I would just feel very strange if I carried on without at least acknowledging the past year."

Nah, I think it's common knowledge that people would be ???!!!! to coming back after 2 years of no uploads and very limited communication (RIGHT after the Shelby situation happened).

He just wants to point to the video and be like, "Look, I handled it there!!" Where he only calls the abuse a "situation" or "accusation" which links back to his Twitter where he's vague and "misinterpreted."

2:10 "All I can do now is move forward, and I hope you enjoy what I've been working on-"

Not gonna put any more. He's promoting Lovejoy and his channels for the most part.

He won't do much Minecraft anymore.

And small correction to my meme, he did say sorry once!! Oh um- it was about not playing Minecraft, not a serious apology or anything like that :)

[zimt-deathnote]

got any angst for us? working on some myself and i want everyone to suffer >:]

does psychotic episode count as angst?