#Why are you like this System?

[moonshinesonic-moonstarslight]

Bittersweet story notes:

God!Shang Qinghua works a little differently than usual here. Instead of having great powers, or memory of the plot, ect., Airplane is stuck with thoughts and ideas still affecting the world. Things get reconned and modified based on his ideas for new plants and beasts/plots or philosophical thoughts on certain subjects.

The catch? He's not the one who chooses these changes.

It's the System.

Who makes the changes as it wills while blaming Airplane for it should the idea not work to fix plot holes/worldbuilding. (No spending time to sit down and meditate on how the world should work doesn't please the System. Airplane tried. Only to get ignored and the System to take his random thoughts instead. He was so pissed about it.)

Airplane has found that there is three constants he has to keep regarding this world:

1: Porn (contrived, random, and apparently the biggest thing since the domestication of grain)

2: Misunderstandings and Miscommunication (which if avoided would have solved so many problems with the world)

3: Tragedy (though size of tragedy may vary)

And that the System has favoritism towards his random in-depth smut inducing ideas or taking his torture fantasies and making them reality on some random characters that Airplane has to interact with later.

It sucks and he's so very tired. (People long stopped being people to him, not because he thinks he is the only "real" person. But because the System doesn't treat them like people. Airplane has serious doubts that even he is real in this nightmare of a world. It's just better for his sanity if the people who has to suffer his contrived plots and fantasies are just canon fodder nobodies or fate bound puppets he is stuck watching move about to the script he wrote a lifetime ago.)

Shang Qinghua is a man of many masks. Even the "Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky" Shen Yuan meets and gets to know is one. (While people have many masks to go through life, Airplane treats each mask like a role to play and rarely lets his true personality come out. He's not sure who that is anymore, truth be told, and he's not comfortable trying to find out any time soon.)

One of the things Cumplane has to work through after the contrived smut at the beginning of the story is that Airplane's ideas do still affect the world. And that Shen Yuan hasn't actually been getting to know the man who wrote his most hated (*cough*and loved*cough) book over these last few months. But instead has been seeing his "persona of a hack smut author". Dragging Airplane out of his bundle of personas and masks is going to be a challenge...

Especially due to the fact that the idea that the System grabbed and used on them wasn't just a mere 'fuck it out and you're good' flower. Nope! It was Airplane's idea for a more romantic/consensual fuck flower. Basically it's a wedding flower. Used to help lovers get over wedding night nerves and used in some cultures (both human and demon) to elope. [Airplane hadn't figured out how it worked ecologically yet, just culturally and biologically/spiritually] The biggest thing about this flower is that it needs a kiss (on the mouth) and sex to have the marriage be complete and valid. It is possible to trick the senses into thinking that the "marriage rite" the flower promotes is done without actually going through with it. But it's a bit tricky to pull off as those who are under the effects desperately want to go through with it properly.

Because the flower doesn't merely promote sex, but honest feelings for their partner as well. (Can easily backfire, but in Airplane's defense he had just thought this up a few minutes before Shen Yuan ran into it. He hadn't had time to work all the details before the System went yoink!)

So yeah, Cumplane is married now. And getting a divorce from an elopement with this flower is extremely hard. Like you have a better chance fighting Bingge with no golden finger level hard.

Neither are taking it well to say the least.

[teaboot]

what annoys me about explaining evolution to people who don’t think it’s real is that everyone’s idea of how it works seems to be from this

Whereas the reality is far more like

[captainjonnitkessler]

>Join a union

>Hear people constantly complaining that the current union leadership is super corrupt, it's all just the same ten guys making all the decisions in secret and nobody else in the union ever gets to know what's going on

>Go to the monthly union meetings that are completely open to all 1200 union members

>The only attendees are the same ten guys every month, giving detailed reports about everything that's going on

[solshii]

i saw this on insta and immediately thought of them

[ID: An animated Scum Villain comic using dialogue from posts in r/ambien by u/LimberLoveMuscle which all feature heavy misspellings, corrected here for readability. First, Luo Binghe lays in Shen Qingqiu's lap as Shen Qingqiu pats his hair, and he sighs happily and says "my wife is soft and i like him."

Then Luo Binghe lies in the Family Guy death pose against a black background and says, "my wife is visiting his best friend and i miss him." Then we see Shen Qingqiu again, and Luo Binghe skips happily across the scene, shouting "my wife is home my wife" in caps. End ID]

[tempo-takoyaki]

"It would be my pleasure to give you a proper tour and introduce you to everyone."

Here is my full illustration for @svsssbigbang for the fanfiction Night at Cang Qiong Museum by @adventure-waffles! An incredible Night at the Museum x Scum Villain AU! Don't hesitate to also check out the other two artists incredible pieces for this fanfiction: dustmeadowx and qiye!

And since I know that tumblr tends to destroy the quality of my illustrations, here are some close-ups under the cut:

[anbaisai]

Boop!

(Part 2)

[lamb-teaa]

` Transactional Tantrum

` pairing: Sylus x fem!reader

` tags: fluff. romcom. silly shenanigans. filthy rich Sylus. chaotic!reader cuz we all want to be spoiled and provided by him don't lie 🫵🏻

` teaa's note: where can i get a husband like Sylus (⁠ ⁠⚈̥̥̥̥̥́⁠⌢⁠⚈̥̥̥̥̥̀⁠)

People hail him as a powerful man amongst all existing factions in the N109 Zone, yet even someone like Sylus isn't immune to the dread of a tedious business dealings.

Don't get him wrong, it is practically his job for a lack of better words but you can't blame the man for nearly dying out of boredom at the moment.

Ping!

A sudden notification from his phone tore his attention away from his yammering business partners. Sylus briefly glanced down at his phone, brows furrowed in confusion when he read the transaction alert message on his screen.

'Ten million was charged to your Credit Card at Summers Jewelry'

Sylus didn't even have the chance to ponder over the sudden message further when he was suddenly startled by another barrage of notifications - yes, plural notifications.

'Four million was charged to your Credit Card at M&Hs'

'Six million was charged to your Credit Card at Nebulas'

'Eight million was charged to your Credit Card at Zapple'

Despite the deadpan expression on his face and his usual nonchalance silence, the slightest quirk of his brows were enough to give away his bewildered reaction to seeing such random transaction alerts on his card.

He doesn't recall making any on-hold purchases and certainly didn't give the twins any permission to spend any after the last time they went all out using his card in the past.

Which means only one person would be bold enough to overspend his money on a whim like this and his eyes instantly flickered in amusement when another transaction message came through his phone.

'Thirteen million was charged to your Credit Card at Abyssal Attire'

Seems like a certain kitten is on a wild spending spree.

Observing the transaction alerts, Sylus let out a low chuckle, ignoring the strange looks from his business partners who continued on with their discussion.

His sole attention now was you - his lovely kitten spending all his money with reckless abandon.

As his thumb hovered over the icon of your picture on his phone, he couldn't help but grin at the large purchases you made - given the fact you had always been reluctant to spend on his card before despite the countless times he had reassured you that he wants you to use his money to your heart's content.

Sylus, without a doubt, always wants the best for you. Even when you nagged him on buying such expensive gifts before, yet that will never stop him from spoiling you rotten.

Though.. he wondered what sparked this sudden influx of random purchases this first time around?

With his interest now piqued towards you, Sylus strode out of the conference room without a care in the world, especially when said discussion had led to no satisfying result on his end, thus he neither bothered about the frustrated and flabbergasted looks of the businessmen as he made his way along the hallways of the building.

Luke and Kieran, who's been by his side the entire meeting, automatically followed their boss out. Both brothers exchange curious looks from behind their masks with a shrug. Though they had great knowledge that only two things could spring their boss out of his usual routine - an unexpected ambush or well, you.

And it seemed like they were right on the nose as they watched Sylus’s thumb pressed onto the screen of his phone before bringing the device close to his ear, an amused yet genuine smile curled on their fierce leader's lips as he called out your name.

"Is it just me or a certain kitten is behaving quite impulsively with her spending today?” His voice held a steady yet teasing affection tone, his mind already picturing your smug expression at overspending his money. “This is a first, sweetie.”

"Oh look who finally remembered me!" Your voice snapped, the snarky and sarcastic response made Sylus pause in his track in surprise.

Before he could say anything, you cut him off, your voice faux innocent under a thinly veiled anger from the other line. "To think it took blowing your credit card to call me after making me wait for you the past THREE hours, you better have some explaining to do mister!”

To say you had left Sylus utterly speechless would be an understatement of the century, but it quite frankly did as your unexpected anger left his mind reeling in both confusion and worry.

Even his brief frozen state wasn't left unnoticed by Luke and Kieran, both could heard your snappy voice from the other line and they know an unhappy Miss Hunter equals to a agitated Onychinus leader, so they quietly watched in as Sylus slowly recover from his initial surprise before turning his attention back to the phone call.

“Kitten.” Sylus blinked, a frown forming on his lips, "I don't recall us having plans today? And I'm out of town for the time being as well.”

There was a sudden silence from your side, and for a second there Sylus thought you had hung up on him but your next words made him even more confused.

"Wait, what, I thought Luke and Kieran said you'd be free for the weekend and they'd told you about our date for today?"

At the mention of the twins, Sylus's head immediately snapped towards his henchmen who visibly tensed up. It didn't take long for Sylus to put two and two together that Luke and Kieran had pulled another of their mischievous pranks on you.

Oh but this one is definitely going to cost them their four months worth of paycheck for making his kitten angry at him.

"It seems like the twins have made a mistake. I wasn't aware of such plans today." Sylus's voice dropped low and dangerous, a flicker of annoyance as he shot the tensed twins a hard glare.

Though, knowing it would be no use to him to be mad at them at that moment, Sylus paused briefly once more before taking a deep breath, calming himself down. "I assure you, sweetie, I would never intentionally forget anything, especially when it's about you.”

There was another stretch of silence before you spoke up again, your voice softer and apologetic, wincing in guilt for assuming he'd purposely ditched you when that wasn't the case. "I'm sorry.." You sighed quietly. "I just.. I was looking forward to seeing you today and I.. I missed you, Sy.."

His annoyance instantly melted away at your confession. He understood that his work often kept him away, leaving you feeling neglected at times and he wanted nothing more than to rush to your side and hold you dearly in his arms. You always had a way to tug at his heartstrings and even then he relishes at the admission of you needing him as much as he needed you.

"I'll make it up to you, right now. Anything you want, name it." Sylus emphasized seriously, already giving Luke and Kieran a look of command. Not needing any further words as the twins bolted off to prepare his private jet to head back to Linkon.

"Well, you could start by allowing me to strangle those twins." You chirped, your voice brighter now yet held intentional malice mostly directed towards his loyal henchmen for tricking you with false information regarding Sylus's work schedule.

"And cuddles. I expect to see you at my place later tonight for cuddles or else I'll empty your entire bank account." You demanded sweetly, with a clearly joking threat but given you had waited three whole hours like a fool in public, you were tempted to do it again if Sylus bails on you twice in a day.

Your laughter tinkled over the phone, a lovely sound that never ceases to make Sylus's heart swell with blissful affection. The business deal be damned and he'll handle the twins' antics another time, for now, all he wanted was to go back to you.

Sylus chuckled, a warm smile tugging at his lips despite himself as he made his way up the building's rooftop. He knew his kitten was quite a force to be reckoned with, and yet such side of you made him drawn to you even more than ever - oh, he couldn't wait to see you again soon. "Deal. Cuddles it is, and you have my word, sweetie, I'll be at your doorstep by tonight. As for the twins, well, I'm sure they'll be begging for mercy by the time you're done with them.”

Back to your awaiting loving embrace.

[vebokki]

i present to you for your consideration: luo binghe and sha hualing as roommates. also they're both going to be late to their respective dates

[uncanny-tranny]

The leftism/anticapitalism leaving people's bodies the zeptosecond you imply that disabled people who aren't "productive" still matter in society and need to be treated like intrinsic equals who have a place in this world:

[moonshinesonic-moonstarslight]

Paper Planes story notes:

Okay, so who else wants to see Shen Yuan trying his best to not get trapped in og!Shang Qinghua's web? While said character is casually sipping vinegar like it's fine wine because he's aware of the System, the fact that he has lived through many different versions of this story, that he is the vessel of the creator god, and that out of all the souls in this game "Peerless Cucumber" is the only one who has Airplane's favor so much.

Not even Mobei Jun has the same benefits for being the "favorite character" as Peerless Cucumber gets for being the favorite follower. Seeing that he gets happy endings, purposely left blind to the inevitable tragedy to come, the story warped to benefit his wims, and he's the only one who gets Airplane playing along personally with his story beyond the usual song and dance.

Yeah, for the possessive vessel who is in a love-hate relationship with his god... Peerless Cucumber is the one person he is willing to put up with the System in order to be able to pull him off his pedestal.

Lucky for him! The System has been getting bored with the usual storylines and decided that it wanted to see how User 002 would be able to handle a meta-knowing character and see if it can finally be free of giving said user Easy Mode. (It has to offer it and Shen Yuan keeps taking it...)

So it allowed Shang Qinghua to recall the past storylines and the things surrounding Airplane (Which is something that has been permitted before so no big deal), made sure that the traitor didn't go into his tried and true tactics of focusing on getting Mobei Jun to become king while doing everything to make the North the only true stable part of the demon world one Tianlang Jun gets sealed away. (Og Shang Qinghua has two people who are worth the heartbreak and suffering that ultimately is his fate: Mobei Jun and Airplane. Not that he would tell either of them, especially Airplane, but that doesn't mean he doesn't see them as the only people worth his effort.)

In order to get what it wants for this story, the System pushed for Shang Qinghua (still a lowly disciple and fighting against his need for human connection because he knows how it's going to end up) to make connections in the sect. Basically either make a friend with one of the other characters or find a lover with one of them.

And while Shang Qinghua isn't keen on facing the pain of connecting with another person only for it to crumble into tragedy... He has befriended Shen Jiu before. Mind you it never ends well. But he has.

While he always tries to keep a pessimistic view, Shang Qinghua actually has a lot of optimism regarding making changes in comparison to Airplane. So here he goes again attempting to have a relationship with Shen Jiu.

So Scumrat was a thing that had happened before Shen Yuan got transmigrated in. It ended pretty nastily but given that Shang Qinghua has a habit of leaving the past in the past while Shen Qingqiu has a habit of avoiding his actual feelings... Neither had brought their past up and have been moving on with a distant professional relationship.

However... Shen Jiu was in love. Still in love actually. There is one person he would lay with and that is his sneaky shidi who is too pretty for his own good. Shen Qingqiu had to fight to control his impulse to look at no other person when Shang Qinghua is in the same room. He was able to control it after a few years, but it is still a fight. (Shang Qinghua has a way of digging his way into people's hearts and just staying. Does he realize this? Nope! If he did it would be a thousand times worse.) He also has a weakness for Shang Qinghua's attention and touch. Thankfully, Shang Qinghua (who knows about this weakness) has never found a reason to use that weakness against him... Yet.

And while Shen Jiu is gone... his body is still present and the echoes of those memories are deeply engrained to where not even a soul transfer can change that fact.

Shen Yuan doesn't know this. And he doesn't have the training to ignore his body's need to watch and melt under the touch of Shang Qinghua.

Who is more than willing to use Shen Jiu's weaknesses against Peerless Cucumber. Especially once he notices that the transmigrator can't pull his eyes away when they first meet. Not even Luo Binghe can drag those eyes away and Peerless Cucumber has blatant favoritism to the little godling. (They meet before the IAC because Shang Qinghua is not dealing with shoddy paperwork thank you! Basically, he came back from a melon seed trade deal to an amnestic Shen Qingqiu and, while being completely aware of what happened, decided to be a 'good shidi' and assist his shixiong with relearning how to do the administrative side of Peak Lord work.)

The System is sitting back on Shang Qinghua's side and pushing on Shen Yuan's. If it could eat it would be popping back popcorn as it watched the showdown between the Author's Vessel and the Favorite Anti-Fan.

Still trying to figure out what happens after the sudden realization that the scum traitor is fully aware that you are not his shixiong and he has no reason not to use said shixiong's weaknesses against you.

Shen Yuan is desperately trying to remain standing and keep the protagonist from landing into the traitor's web. Because Luo Binghe likes his shishu for some reason.

[affectionatecorpse]

It's me I'm both these people--

Edit:

I had added this version in a reblog, but since most people don't look at the reblog list, I added it to the main post ^^"

[starry-bi-sky]

bruce and danny being fuckign nerds together,,,, they are being the BIGGEST nerds. geeks. if you will

these losers are color-coding the most inane bullshit. they are making diagrams for things you've never even thought of. they are having the time of their lives

"what are you two doing?"

Danny, sitting criss-cross on a table, hunched over a spread of papers and a bunch of different jello cups, his back is gonna hurt SO much: color-coding jello

Bruce, sitting in a nearby chair, also criss-cross, scribbling on a graph paper: hm [agreeing]

Alfred, already exasperated and SO fond: may i ask why? and on what parameters?

Danny: we're basing it off which flavors are the most mentally stimulating and for which subjects :}

Alfred, SO fond: ah. i see.

Danny, snapping his head over to Bruce and leaning over: wh- no-- no. Buzz, I told you: lemon-flavored jello stays strictly in the 'smelling salts' category--

Bruce, still writing on the graph paper: mn. no.

Danny, nearly sprawled across his back, faux-outraged: strawberry is NOT good for math-- you fucken HEATHEN--! Give me that pen!

Bruce, did that solely to rile up Danny, now trying not to smile: hnm.

[sunderwight]

What if the plant body hadn't worked out, and the Holy Mausoleum solution had actually taken a long time to sort of "fix" Shen Qingqiu's body and fully call his soul back to it, so that hundreds of years passed and civilization in PIDW/SV world progressed to the point of something like the "modern era"?

Imagine Luo Binghe trying to delicately introduce his shizun to such strange concepts as smart phones and credit cards, while Shen Qingqiu is just desperately trying to figure out how dumb he should play this. Would it be believable for him to get everything on the first try? There have to be some differences between what he knows and this world's versions, right, because of the demons and cultivators and things? Right?? But it's not like any of this actually IS difficult for him to grasp!

Luo Binghe: Shizun already discerned how to type using a keyboard...?

Shen Qingqiu, sweating bullets: what, like it's hard?

[canisalbus]

For your gay little dogs

.

[rikan-oo]

To my rogue SY jiuyuan AU, where he is Peak Lord Shen's spouse and sometimes teaches disciples too.

Luo Binghe: Shijie, I think I fell in love with Shifu.

Ning Yingying: Huh? Don't worry, A-Luo. It's only a phase! Everyone here had a crush on Shifu. Consider it second initiation.

Luo Binghe: Everyone?

Ning Yingying: We have a secret club too. Here people help each process feelings and appreciate Shifu.

Luo Binghe: And did it work?

Ning Yingying: Well... don't worry about it. Like Shifu says it's all about journey and all friends we made. And unless you're Liu-shishu, it will pass. Are you in or not?

Luo Binghe: ... Of course

[methoughtsphantom]

Jason “my family doesn’t know im alive” Todd and Danny “my family doesn’t know I’m dead” Fenton going alongside each of their plans my beloved. like Danny will absolutely go head-to-head with all of Gotham to support his new best friend on all his crime lord endeavors while he drags Jason to also attend collage with him. They are roommates and there never seems to a mention of family from either side. It’s an unspoken understanding they have. They met because Crime alley as a ghost lair thrummed with so much loneliness, it was at first the perfect place for Danny to hide his ecto signature in. But then he saw the dumbass whose lair it was lean his motorcycle just a tad too much when making a sharp turn to an alley, he sweeped the floor through a lifted chain link that passed his body but not his helmet. Yep that’s right the red thing got stuck. Danny who at the moment happened to be watching through his window snorted. Much to his horror because if not a ghost that dude could’ve gotten his head flung off.

Still, the scene was ridiculous.

On a whim he irrationally sees the police closing in on the guy and panicked at the thought of the guy using intangibility to free himself so Danny phased them both through his apartment wall and left the guy sprawled in his couch. Jason didn’t freak out but that’s normal when one’s got a concussion, one the guy immediately denied having as Danny laid out the medical supplies. The idiot proceeded to almost flatten four steps to the door with his stubbornness. He also said “I’m asexual” in the most deadpan voice as Danny dropped him back in the couch.

Danny sighed. Clearly though, he’d done so too early in the night because the guy kept trying to go, kept trying to knock Danny out, kept trying to slash him with knifes Danny didn’t know he had stashed. He’d only disarmed the guy from his guns. The visible ones apparently, cause at one point the guy did take out a gun and shoot until the ammo ran out and then teetered the thing like it was an art prop and hit his moon lamp.

Danny "yeah you aren’t officially my friend until you’ve tried to kill me" fenton my guys.

Anyways both keep having the same argument over if Danny technically kidnapped Jason or not. Danny holds the fact that the police at least didn’t see the guy make the ridicule. Jason argued that happened cause he was sporting a concussion. Danny argued he got that after.

Jason at first thinks the guy's a meta, but no. Danny introduces himself, sheepily now that he recognizes this is who the lair he invaded is from. He bandages him and tries to cook for him. If Danny didn’t have ice powers he most certainly would’ve burned the apartment. Jason then proceeds to kick him out of his own kitchen and make them both enchiladas. It’s the most normal both had in a while with another person and the air seems oddly settled. From then on, Jason constantly invited himself over, under the pretense that this was his territory and therefore he could drop in unannounced. Danny who has actual powers says he only allows this because Jason cooks very well.

Danny stays away from the crime fighting business unless his buddy is in deep shit he can’t get himself out. Also it’s Danny’s turn to cover for his vigilante friend which Sam and Tucker give him so much shit for. (but also advice)

And they were roommates. (omg) Danny effectively derails Jason’s big comeback plans by casually dropping ghost lore every two days. Like,

Jason, talking about how he doesn’t want Bats snooping on his territory:

Danny: Just don’t let them in

Jason: ??

Danny: yeah!! Hasn’t Batman died and got revived??? You can totally kick out death touched people you don’t want entering on your lair.

Jason: …I can?

Danny: Yep dude, your lair’s supposed to feel safe.

Jason: wait does that mean I can kick you out?

Danny: First this is my apartment. Second, im dead, not dead touched. Third, it’s too late to get rid of me. bitch.

Anyways Jason is super excited. You mean to tell him he can actually deny people over to his territory haunt?? (Yes it’s only to people who have died and came back but still!! The sample size is exactly the type of people he doesn’t want to see—!)

Joker my beloathed can’t step foot in Crime Alley.

(Jason’d feel a lot safer if the clown was dead but the possibility of his murderer turning into a ghost and their little loophole not applying on the clown is too scary to contemplate.)

Anyways, Jason loves experimenting with the power. It can go from simply making people shudder and not want to enter crime Alley to straight up not letting them enter like there’s an invisible wall blocking the way.

Jason because he’s hurt that Bruce never even patrols Crime Alley and also because he’s petty put B under the category of “invisible wall” blacklist. His reasoning is that the man doesn’t even attempt to enter Crime Alley. To him it’s surely just a place shadowed in tragedy. (anyways that’s it’s the place he met Jason)

Ironically, Jason totally forgets that Batman does venture into Crime Alley one day in the whole year. The day he met Jason.

Okay. He didn’t forget at first. The first year Jason remembers cause it was only a few months till then but then the next— Jason forgets that today’s the anniversary of the day’s Bruce’s parents died. He forgets to allow B in when he feels a slight tug and dismiss the feeling that prompts Bruce to investigate because he literally can’t enter Crime Alley. He starts the trialsTM, he scouts on the very edge and sees people the whole day enter and get out and cross with no problem but Bruce can’t.

It’s literally just Bruce.

Time to call Constantine, i guess.