#and they trigger each other on a personal level!

[saivii]

I’ve heard a lot of people talk about how Nam-gyu hates women (which is fair), but I haven’t heard anyone mention that he basically hates everyone.

Out of everyone this man interacts with, the only characters he doesn’t directly insult are Thanos and Gyeong-su. But as soon as Thanos dies, he grumbles and talks shit about Thanos too (though I think part of him actually misses/cares about Thanos, but that’s a whole different story. He has a love/hate relationship with Thanos) and he mostly ignores Gyeong-su apart from laughing at him when Gyeong-su talks to Thanos for the first time.

He definitely hates Se-mi, but he also hates Myung-gi, Min-su, In-ho, and everyone who voted x. He’s such a hater and I live for it.

If I recall correctly, Se-mi is the only woman he interacts with and he hates her because she stands up to him and makes fun of his shaky hands. And that’s petty of him to hate her for that, but he’s petty! He hates people who challenge him or go against him in any way or people who point out his flaws because he seems to hate coming across as weak or not having any power.

Also maybe I’m taking this too seriously but can we not do the whole “he hates women so that makes him gay” thing? It’s totally fine to headcanon him as gay but the idea of misogyny defining being gay is just not it to me. Maybe it’s because I’ve had misogyny directed at me mostly by straight men and those experiences have been painful, so the implication of “teehee he’s a misogynist so that makes him gay” kinda feels invalidating and it feels kinda homophobic too.

Tldr: my boy is a HATER!!! He’s not just a menace to women he’s a menace to society and I think that’s beautiful 😌

[uisceb]

Okay I want to talk about this moment between Morrible and Glinda for a sec because it adds such a wonderfully sinister layer to a scene that is otherwise a triumphant defining moment for Elphaba, and it sets up the dynamics for Part 2 so perfectly.

At this point, we are in the thick of “Defying Gravity.” Everyone’s attention is on Elphaba - and rightfully so, she’s up there declaring war on the Wizard, displaying incredible feats of magic, of course everyone’s attention is on her.

…Everyone, except Morrible.

Morrible has realized that Plan A was a bust, but rather than panicking, she’s already worked over Plans B through Z in her head and has realized that Glinda, not Elphaba, is actually the key figure here. Glinda is actually the best thing that could have happened to them.

Mind you, Morrible hates Glinda. She thinks Glinda is vapid and attention-seeking and completely without talent. It would be extremely easy for her to brand Glinda as an accomplice to Elphaba, have the guards drag her off, imprison her, never have to deal with her again, nice and neat.

Instead, while everyone else is focused on Elphaba, Morrible only has eyes for Glinda. She zeroes in on her, releases her, and comforts her, because she understands what no one else understands, which is that yes, that’s great that the Wizard now has an enemy to unify his people against, but they also need a symbol of hope, something that is the exact antithesis to Elphaba, something to keep everyone at extremes. 

The Wizard himself can’t really be a symbol of hope, because the key to his success is that he remains shrouded in mystery, and yes people think he’s wonderful, but there’s a level of uncertainty and intimidation to him. He is Oz the Great and Terrible, and everyone’s preeeeeetty sure he’s a good guy, but if you have someone like Elphaba out there - who Morrible knows from experience is very smart, very articulate, and has her own sort of magnetism - there’s a potential that she could turn at least enough people against the Wizard to make things very inconvenient.

So what they need, now that they have an enemy, is to have an equally magnetic figurehead representing the Wizard who embodies all these one-dimensional ideas of goodness, someone for the public to adore and fawn over so the association between Wizard and Goodness is crystal clear.

And by bringing Glinda along, Elphaba has unknowingly served that figurehead up on a platter.

Glinda is everything Elphaba isn’t, from personality, to appearance - Morrible has already set Elphaba up by calling her green skin an “outward manifestorium of her twisted nature,” which paves the way for Glinda, who is the perfect conventional beauty, to be an “outward manifestorium” of pure goodness. 

Morrible realizes they need these two lightning rods of Absolute Evil and Absolute Good in order to manipulate people - fear alone isn’t enough; the only way to effectively radicalize the populace is to make sure there is no gray area whatsoever, no room for question: you're either good, or you’re evil. And the Wizard alone isn’t a strong enough representation of “goodness” when by virtue of existing, he has to remain in the shadows. Glinda on the other hand? With her looks and her charm and her openness and her ability to expertly win over a crowd? Perfect for the role.

Now the tricky part for Morrible is taking into consideration that Glinda and Elphaba love each other. But we also know from earlier scenes that Morrible is a master at manipulating emotions. Right from the start when Elphaba is having trouble with her magic, Morrible casually brings up the “Animals should be seen and not heard” disturbance from class, spoon-feeding her just enough to get Elphaba upset, triggering her magic, after which Morrible makes sure to give her assurance and praise to keep Elphaba optimistic about her power.

She’s also aware that Glinda does have quite a bit of influence over Elphaba, because when Elphaba flees, Morrible immediately tasks her with winning her over, rather than simply relying on the guards or even going after Elphaba herself. She knows if anyone has a chance at roping Elphaba back in, it's Glinda.

Obviously, Glinda isn’t successful in getting her back, but while this puts a dent in Morrible’s plans to get control of Elphaba, it does give her an extra weak spot to exploit in Glinda.

So now, at the height of “Defying Gravity” when Elphaba has officially taken her stand against them, Morrible sees Glinda, and Glinda is at her most vulnerable, her most emotionally fragile. Not only is she heartbroken and in shock, she’s also just witnessed in real time exactly how easy it is to turn an entire nation against someone. She’s scared, she’s powerless. She’s just lost the love of her life her only friend, she has no one to turn to - Morrible has definitely picked up on the fact that even though Glinda has countless people who fawn over her, none of them can be considered a true friend except for Elphaba, which means Glinda is completely isolated. Glinda also has a very limited understanding of the bigger picture of what the Wizard is trying to accomplish, and because she’s never been a victim of the system the way Elphaba has, she is still desperately clinging to the idea that everything will be okay as long as she plays by the rules of the people in power.

She has been perfectly primed for Morrible to begin manipulating, not through violence or intimidation, but by offering her comfort when no one else would - when not even Glinda’s only friend would - when no one else is even paying attention to Glinda, because they have the very real and present threat of Elphaba quite literally hanging over them. In this moment, Morrible chooses Glinda, which Glinda has been striving for since the beginning. Elphaba has chosen her principles, the Wizard has chosen his enemy, but Morrible has chosen Glinda, and in this moment of being so alone and so afraid and so betrayed, that makes all the difference.

We also get kind of a parallel shot too - Elphaba really sealed her fate the second her hand closed around the broom. But here, Glinda seals her fate when she gives in and reciprocates Morrible’s hold on her.

THIS is the moment that sets us up for Part 2, with Elphaba and Glinda as our lightning rods for Absolute Evil and Absolute Good, but more to the point, it makes it clear that they’ve BOTH been used, they’ve BOTH played right into these respective roles Morrible and the Wizard need in order to be successful - even if it wasn’t how Morrible originally planned for things to go.

I just love it, because “Defying Gravity” is Elphaba’s song - it’s triumphant, and it’s heartbreaking, and it’s everything a defining moment should be for a character. But by injecting this little moment between Morrible and Glinda into the scene, we also get an underlying current of dread because we know we’re about to see the consequences of Elphaba’s defiance versus Glinda’s compliance and how both serve to benefit the Wizard/Morrible’s propaganda.

TL;DR - when I said "I want to talk about this scene between Morrible and Glinda for a sec" I clearly meant "I'm gonna write a whole essay. Like a nerd."

[confused-wanderer]

Plot twist: Superman having the most insane workout routine for the wrong reasons. A workout so intense the justice league struggles to even comprehend, let alone do it.

It all started with Green Lantern boasting about his workout routine when he was in the military. Which led to Martian Manhunter complaining that it was nothing to brag about, which led to green arrow talking about his workout, and after having enough of Batman’s sarcastic glare (trust the league, you can tell the glares’ sassy) they all start doing each others routines to prove which one is the hardest.

But when they get to Superman, barely any of them last ten minutes. Because you see, while the rest of the league has a strength building workout, Superman’s consists of strength reducing routines. And it’s hard enough to make them call it quits.

Growing up as a farmboy, Kent always had more leniency in how he used his strength, but had been strictly forbidden from ever assissting the livestock until he was properly trained. Why? Because no matter how gentle he was being, he always underestimated his strength. If he wasn’t being 100% focused on all his movements at all time, his sudden movements would create strong gusts of wind, and a single tap to the wood would make the house crack. He refused to go near anything that looked fragile because he was so so scared of hurting it.

So naturally, when he became superman, and had to deal with carrying people, holding up towers and just overall being surrounded by people with the aim to protect, he had to learn to be extremely gentle in caring for them. So naturally, he took several courses for expecting mothers and learnt to handle them as carefully as a newborn. No jostling too much, not too tight, always being aware of how much pressure he’s putting, handling distress and being firm without being overbearing.

One of his routines involved trying to figure out a safe way to catch two heavily cracked eggs while being launched into the sky, while the other included a booby trapped room trigged by sound so he would learn to keep his volume at a certain level without deafening the entire vicinity. And for context: the trigger level is the sound of a feather hitting the ground.

The only person who can relate is Wonder Woman, who also remains the one person Suoerman doesn’t have to worry about hurting.

Green lantern has yet to throw in the towel but he’s been crying for the past ten minutes and everyone else is exhausted. Batman however, is working very hard on trying to implement some of these in his routine. Clark doesn’t know if he should feel happy or worried about that.

[baldudiable]

Synastry observations

Venus/Mars in the 12th house: Love in this relationship is often unrequited or volatile, as both partners struggle with emotional availability. Mixed signals are emitted, igniting both passion and impatience. The connection is marked by a push-and-pull cycle, with intense romance followed by periods of withdrawal or silence. This connection's eerie, spiritual quality makes it hard for both to let go, even when they know it's unhealthy. One of the partners is put on a pedestal, as the other has trouble seeing them clearly. Their lover's unintegrated traits and talents are projected onto them, giving them a god-like quality.

Moon in the 7th house/Moon opposite Ascendant: The 7th house, opposite the 1st house of the Ascendant, represents relationships. It reflects the qualities we unconsciously disown but seek in a partner to facilitate growth. When the Moon is in this house, she naturally embodies the traits the house person desires in a partner. This allows the moon person to intuitively meet their partner’s needs. At the same time, the Moon feels at ease expressing the qualities associated with the 7th house, encouraging their partner to embrace and reveal this side of themselves.

Sun in the 1st house/Sun conjunct Ascendant: This aspect can benefit a reserved partner who isn't used to receiving attention. The Sun person, likely vocal about their experiences, can help the house person open up. The house person will grow thanks to the Sun's light. Challenges can occur if both have strong personalities and like to be the center of attention. They can feel threatened by the other’s light as they unconsciously feel it diminishes their own. 

Moon in hard aspects to Mars: These two share similarities but often in contrasting ways, leading to tension. They have a way of pushing each other’s buttons, resulting in endless fights as both try to prove their point. Mars takes a dominant role in the relationship, while the moon, often unintentionally, triggers Mars’ anger, prompting Mars to initiate conflicts. The Moon may resort to manipulation to get their way, while Mars openly strikes at their vulnerabilities. Their arguments can escalate quickly, becoming intense and violent. As a result, both can end up wounded. This aspect can appeal to those who enjoy being challenged and crave some intensity in their relationships, adding a fiery and unpredictable dynamic.

Sun conjunct Moon: Often called the soulmate configuration, the sun shines a light on the moon person’s inner world. The moon, naturally protective, openly expresses herself as she feels understood by the Sun. The sun has had the same experiences as the Moon, making it act as a guide. They don't hide from one another. Boundaries can easily dissolve as they are most comfortable around each other. 

Moon conjunct Mercury/Mercury in the 3rd house: Individuals with these aspects enjoy talking to each other. Their conversations are often lighthearted and seemingly endless, bringing a sense of fun and ease to their relationship. However, this ease of communication can sometimes lead to superficial exchanges. The Mercury person is likely more logical and may struggle with deeper or more emotionally charged conversations. Expressing their feelings can leave them feeling exposed and vulnerable. The Moon person, on the other hand, often initiates deeper discussions and may become frustrated if their emotional openness isn’t reciprocated.

Sun conjunct Mars: These two share the same drive but direct it in different endeavors. Their strong and dominating energy threatens the other, as they’re used to having the upper hand in relationships. Fights occur when they don't get their way. Sex is central in this connection. It can be so intoxicating that it keeps them together, even when they aren't satisfied on other levels.

Mercury conjunct Venus: This connection is filled with laughter, warmth, and mutual understanding. Venus is drawn to Mercury’s intelligence and wit, while Mercury is captivated by Venus’ charm and talents. Communication is the heart of this relationship. Both feel free to share their thoughts, knowing they will be met with understanding and without judgment. Their bond is so natural that they’re equally comfortable talking for hours as they are sitting together in silence.

Sun conjunct Venus: These two share similarities and naturally embody what the other seeks. The Sun person is driven, focused on achieving their goals, inspiring Venus to pursue her desires. In turn, the Venus person supports their partner’s ambitions, understanding their passion and genuinely wanting to see them succeed. Together, they can become a supportive and motivating presence in each other’s lives.

[crepezinhos]

A Dream Come True

POV: Your favorite character’s banner, Wanderer, is about to come out in a few minutes, and, to contain your excitement for his launch, you decided to begin praying for him to ‘come home’. You’ve been now doing that for the past 5 minutes now while waiting for his splash art to appear in the game’s banners, but you suddenly hear knocks on your door, and the person behind it was a weird ‘cosplayer’.

⚠️ WARNINGS:

— This is a NSFW piece

— Reader is FEMALE and uses SHE/HER pronouns

— Contains: Degradation, praising, usage of toys, edging, overstimulation, slight bruising, power-play and oral/anal sex.

“Scara, please come home… Scara, please come home…” You recited that phrase over and over nonstop, each time making your volume become slightly louder than before due to your comfort in the room.

Your fingers were twirling around each other, your hands fisting against each other tighter and tighter, your forehead resting at the tip of your risen thumbs and your eyes using all their strength to keep themselves closed shut and not let your excitement take over you…

Uuuuuuuggghhhhhh!!!

How much longer do you have to wait for?! Can’t he just launch in the game already?! Why does Hoyoverse have to be so perfectionist about when they launch things in the game?! You’ve been procrastinating your duties for the past hour now just for this occasion!

You couldn’t help but open your eyes due to your overwhelming impatience and they immediately aimed at your screen in search of the current banner’s timer.

2 minutes left

Oh!

Ok! It isn’t that bad! Your praying has really helped time run faster, didn’t it?!

You smiled in joy, quickly switching the way you were sat in your gaming chair to one where you were kneeling at it, making your prayers more determined and realistic.

Scara, please come home…

Scara, please come home.

Scara, please come home!

Scara, please come home!

Scara, please come home!

Scara, please come home!

SCARA, PLEASE COME-

Knock knock

Your whole body shivered in shock when you heard such triggering and recognizable noise, making you immediately wake up from your little fantasy.

For God’s sake! Who the heck could it be?! Can’t you enjoy a moment of excitement and joy by yourself for a single minute?!

You forced yourself to participate in reality instead of isolating yourself because of a screen, and got up from your chair to walk up to your dorm’s door, sighing in agony of killing a bit of your mood off.

It would really piss you off if the person behind it was simply someone making propaganda of some stupid, small project, instead of your roommate.

You gently grabbed and pushed the door’s handle down, opening it normally just like any other time.

“God, you really were determined to call my attention, weren’t you?! I’ve never heard any of my fans think this loud about me my entire life! Congratulations, woman, you have summoned me!” The man that was standing immediately begun scolding you as soon as your eyes were making contact, waving and gesturing his hands around to make his irony more obvious, ending his speech with them at his hips.

But you didn’t want, and couldn’t, say anything back in response, because you were too dumbfounded by the man’s appearance.

Why was the person knocking on your door… cosplaying… and acting like Wanderer?

“Hello? Woman on Earth? Cat got your tongue?” He leaned his body down to reach your eye level and brought a hand close to it, just to wave it side-by-side and snap his fingers repeatedly in an annoying manner.

“Who the fuck are you?” You had finally managed to process the information that was given to you, which caused ‘Wanderer’ to immediately sigh in boredom.

“Oh, please, don’t tell me you’re the kind of fan who pretends to be all innocent and unaware of what Genshin Impact even is in the first place...” He rose his body up again and crossed his arms while scolding your attitude.

“What are you talking about..? I’m not—!” You scoffed at what he said about you, but as soon as you remembered again that you were talking to some random, crazy cosplayer of your college, that probably had to stalk you to find out you played Genshin Impact, and that you had a duty to do, you stopped trying to defend yourself, and changed topics. “You know what? Just get out of my dorm, please.” You told the man while using a hand to push the door back to its place frenetically, trying to make him unable to react due to the lack of time.

"Wow, wow, wow, young lady!” You felt the door stiffen at one specific spot before it was fully closed, leaving a small gap between the interior and exterior of your apartment.

Your eyes widened in shock with the man’s audacity and strength, and immediately looked down to see what had happened with your door. ‘Wanderer’ had stomped his foot forward before you could shut the door, serving as an obstacle for the door to not be smacked in his face.

“Is this how you treat your favorite character after he makes the effort of coming all the way from another universe just to check on you?” You could see his eye showing up between that gap, trying to keep making eye contact with you.

“Are you insane?!” You screamed at him, trying to push the door shut with your both palms now, but it didn’t seem to affect him minimally.

You heard him sigh loudly in boredom again, and this time he sneaked his hand through the gap. Instead of doing something physical or harmful to your or your door, it actually did something that made your jaw drop.

An orb.

And not just any orb.

It was an orb that perfectly resembled how Wanderer used his Anemo powers in Genshin. It was a vertex with a black center and Anemo-colored, wind-like, effects around it. Something that also called your attention were the shiny flying wristbands around his wrists, spinning according to how intensely he used his powers.

It was jaw-dropping enough for you to accidentally drop your grip from the door, which finally made the man successful in opening it. Unlike what you would expected from a maniacal cosplayer or the actual Wanderer from Genshin Impact, he simply walked in and closed the door gently, crossing his arms later while staring at your dumbfounded face.

“Was that enough proof? Or do you need me to open a portal, bring to you Tevyat and talk to Nahida to believe that I’m the one and only Wanderer from Genshin Impact?” He asked while walking around your room like he owned it.

“I…” You couldn’t even mumble an answer to everything you had just witnessed.

This had to be some sort of dark joke being done with you, isn’t it?!

“Cat got your tongue again?!“ He turned around just scold you again while directly staring at you, but he frowned his eyebrows right after and put a hand on his chin to think. “Perhaps I wronged the address…” He mumbled quietly, his head frenetically looking at many corners of your room in search of something.

When he saw your computer, whose screen had turned black due to the lack of movement in the mouse, he rushed to it and sat on your chair, his back leaning in a very unhealthy angle. He quickly shook the mouse to turn it on again, meeting his own face stamped at the screen.

“This computer is yours, isn’t it?” Despite your lack of answer to his question, he simply took your silence as an ‘yes’. “Ok, you’ve saved more than 200 wishes… which I’m guessing is for me…” He mumbled to himself, showing a little bit of his ego, while pressing ‘Esc’ with a finger twice.

His eyes widened a little bit when he met the game’s menu and he immediately leaned his body up again with a big, proud smirk in his face.

“Aha! So you are a fan of mine, and a proud one!” He put his hands in the sides of your computer and spun it until the computer’s screen was visible to your eyes.

(Yes that’s my UID. Yes I had to change my name and bio to that for the sake of this fanfic.)

Your cheeks flushed.

How come you’ve never realized how embarrassing this description was?!

“H-Hey! That was a joke I did with my friends!” You ran towards him, trying to stop him from looking at anything else at your game’s account.

“A joke?! Alright then, bet.” He put a hand in front of your chest to hold your body in place, also grabbing on a wrist to make you watch him messing around with your computer.

With his other hand on your keyboard, he pressed Alt+Tab with his thumb and index, immediately landing at Google. You were thankfully not doing anything weird at the moment, after all, all he met on the screen was homework, but that didn’t seem to be what he was looking for.

“You named your AO3 tab ‘Calculator’?! Really?! That’s pathetic!” He pointed directly at the AO3 tab in your favorited pages until the tip of his finger was putting pressure on it, causing you to flush. “What else do we have here..? AO3, Wattpad, Tumblr… oh? I don’t recognize this one.” He clicked at the very last tab, which made you gasp in embarrassment.

“W-Wait, no! Don’t click on tha—!”

AzeruOfficial

The name immediately popped in big, orange letters as soon as his finger pressed on the left side of your mouse, causing him to explode in laugher.

“Azeru?! You listen to this guy’s ASMRs?! Oh, please, why did I even doubt this was the wrong address? The Nahida profile picture was enough to tell that you were a fan of mine. Do you think that’d bring you luck?” He finally rose from your chair and walked close to you while sitting for an answer.

But once again, you couldn’t answer. It would be really embarrassing to admit to your favorite fictional character that you were doing multiple mini rituals to attack more luck in your pulls.

“You know what, Y/N woman? I’ll tell you a secret… we, playable characters of gacha games actually have the powers to choose who wins and who loses 50/50. Nahida chose who won her 50/50s, Cyno chose who won his 50/50s… and I’m about to do the same now with all the desperate people that want me in their accounts, including you! But the thing is… you know how I am, don’t you? I’m gonna judge every little detail about the people who are wishing for me. That means you’re up to judged too! But… I’m gonna give you a personal chance to win my 50/50s… with a deal.” He rose his hands until they landed on your shoulders, massaging them slowly and got closer to your ear with a big smirk on his lips. “I’m gonna get rid of your sexual frustrations, and you’ll get rid of mine.” He initiated, immediately making your eyes widen again.

“WHAT—?!” You tried protesting, but he immediately moved a down to smack your mouth shut.

“We’re gonna have sex, and every orgasm either one of us have, we’ll do a ten-pull! That’ll happen until you finally get the luck of pulling a five-star, which will be around 7 or 8 rounds. There, I’ll be finally judging whether you should win me or not based on how well you satisfy me. If you fail to win the 50/50, then I’ll guess you’ll be owing me another 9 rounds with a total of 18 rounds…” His cheeks grew pink while he explained his idea, his smirk becoming more sadistic and horny within every second.

You pushed his hand away from your mouth while shaking your head side-to-side too in denial and still keeping your fingers around his worst to make sure he wasn’t going to make anything else to you or your home.

“No! You can’t just barge in my apartment, invade my privacy, and then ask me to have se with you?! I don’t care if you are the real Wanderer or not, this is too much for me!” You screamed at him, but it wasn’t enough for his confidence to die.

“Oh, Y/N, Y/N…” One of his hands moved to your face to hold and caress your cheek. “It’s obvious that you daydream about having sex with me, you’re no innocent woman. Nobody uses AO3 to read SFW shit or listens to Azeru for his SFW audios...” He shook his hand away from your grip and put it on his chest.

You watched his fingers teasingly rub his chest, making your fingers beg for them to be there, until they were at his shoulders, where he slowly pushed his white kimono away from his shoulder, revealing the black-transparent suit he wore under it in a way that made your stomach ache with butterflies.

“I’m the dick you want to proudly ride in that profile description, Y/N.” His forehead slowly leaned closer to yours until they were touching, causing your noses to touch each other next too, and finally… your lips were sealed together.

10 wishes:

Wanderer decided to begin his little game by making you do exactly what your description said: riding him. So, now he was sat lazily at your chair, legs spread, but still with most of his clothes on, while you were hopping up and down on his dick, naked, like you were addicted to it.

“Such a cute little fan… using all your strength to accomplish your sexual need of fucking your favorite fictional character…” Wanderer praised you while giggling in appreciation, deciding to move a hand to pinch your nipple playfully, causing you to scream in the spot.

“AAaaaaAHhh~! Fuck, Scara~!” You arched your back and scratched your nails on his shoulders to contain the pleasure he gave you with his touch.

He giggled again, and moved his other hand to your thigh, squeezing it while trying to also use it to pull you closer to him.

“Why are you arching away from me? You’re supposed to be be enjoying me! Come on…” His husky, dominant voice made you immediately push yourself at his direction until your head landed right between his neck and shoulders.

God, almighty.

Now you wouldn’t leave that position even if a teacher banged on your door with your test’s grades on their hands. Such an intimate position was making your pussy gush around his cock.

Your entire body was swirled with his, which meant that every part of your body touching a part of his body. Your legs spread apart, attempting to hug his waist, your arms moving to his back to feel and scratch his every cell, your mouth drooling on his skin…

You were like some true parasite.

“Oh, God! Oh, God!” The ecstasy of sex was numbing your mind into exactly what Wanderer wanted, a cock-hungry slut.

“Good girl… you’re doing really well…” His hand in your thigh rolled down until he was making contact with your ass, proceeding to tap one of the buttocks repeatedly. “You’re really fucking soaked, aren’t you? God, I’ve never heard a pussy doing such mushy noises…” He took advantage of how your head was positioned under him to whisper directly in your ear, making you shiver due to his teasing tone.

“It’s too much! Too much!” You whimpered pathetically, but Wanderer simply ignored and denied you and kept his hands where they were, refusing to help you in the slightest.

“Is my cock making you feel this good, hum?” He threw his head back in the chair, enjoying his peace in that position.

“Ah, yes! I can’t even… believe I’m actually fucking with you..!” Your arms moved upwards to hug his neck in pure need of more words coming out of his mouth.

“Worthless little whore… unwilling to fuck anyone in this enormous school to keep your pussy for a drawing you only see in your screen… I like the dedication, tho, don’t get me wrong~.” He unexpectedly slapped your buttock as an aggressive way to praise and degrade you.

Your walls clenched around him when he did that, causing a deep groan to echo in his throat.

“Oh-ho? Looks like I’m dealing with a masochist! I wonder how else you’re gonna impress me…” He teased you in the ear again.

“I think I’m gonna…” You couldn’t even finish a sentence due to the overstimulation, rubbing your face against his shoulder in worship for the man you were giving yourself to.

“You’re gonna cum? Own… what a cute little kitten… I wish I could help you with that…” He kept his body unmoved in pure laziness of helping you reach an orgasm, leaving you to do all the effort on your own.

You unfortunately needed to push yourself away from him to hop faster and preciser at his cock. Wanderer’s eyes glowed in joy miring at how your sexes were intertwined with each other like they were made for each other, specifically smirking at how his cock was glistened with your arousal.

Your hands instinctively rolled down until your fingers were threaded with his. Just like all the AO3 fanfictions described him to be, his whole body felt soft like pillows, but cold as ice, so his fingers were causing you to feel even more stimulated. You gripped them like you’d die if you ever let go, while he stared up and down at your bouncing body with a perverted smirk that only seemed to grow more and more. You couldn’t believe you were actually riding the cock of favorite fictional character. All you intended to do tonight was simply pulling for him and his weapon, but not plans have changed… for good.

And finally, the aching bulge growing in your womb had finally reached a peak of anticipation and blew all the way down to Wanderer’s cock, which you left perfectly placed at your g-spot, bullying it while your orgasm came down like an angry river. Your whole body trembled and shivered with the orgasm, saliva pooling your mouth.

“My, my…” Wanderer finally decided to move his body, and hooked his sandals in the floor to pull and roll the chair closer to the table where your computer was lying at. “Let’s see if that orgasm is worth an early pity to Hoyoverse…” He moved a hand to pat your head while the other moved to your mouse. “Look at it.” He fisted your hair right and angled it until at least one of your eyes could mire the screen.

The clicker was already resting at the ‘Ten Pull’ option, and he gave himself some seconds before clicking it.

✧ ✦ ✧

You sighed in broken expectation.

“Well… seems like we have some more rounds to go for, don’t we? Hey, at least you got a Faruzan! Perhaps she’s liking to see your determination in pleasing me… the man she was made for.”

20 Pulls:

You never thought you’d find yourself screaming so loud and shameless because of the precision of a man’s thrusts, especially because you knew there would be complaints about it tomorrow.

Shy, quiet, little Y/N being slammed against her own walls by an unreal man. Could it be any more pathetic?

“You seem to be really enjoying this, aren’t you? You even lost sense of your surroundings! You’re between hundreds of dorms, where everyone is quiet and asleep at this time, yet, you still keep screaming like a dog in heat because of the most basic pounding I could ever do to you.” Wanderer pulled your hair from behind using a hand, forcing you to arch your body even more than it already was, while the other one was being used to lock your wrists behind your back together.

Your hands were scratching the concrete walls you were being pushed against so deeply that you could swear you could break it at any moment.

“Or is that… you want people to know you’re being pounded like a whore in here..?” He giggled at that possibility sadistically, enjoying how fucked-out your face already was.

He suddenly pushed your head against the wall again.

“Let me test it, if you may…” His thrusts became faster, bullying your g-spot in a way that made your eyes roll up until you could see starts.

“Tell me, Y/N, are you enjoying being pounded like a fuck-toy by your favorite character, hum?” He leaned down so he could bite your ear while whispering inside it at such a teasing tone.

He grunted right after making it due to your pussy clenching around his cock once again.

“Aahhhh!! Yes! Yes, I am!” You confessed it shamelessly. It really didn’t matter if anyone could hear you screaming. You were usually a victim of these love-making noises, so, now it was your time to make those horny neighbors animals feel your pain.

“Fucking proud slut… Do you think your parents would like to know their daughter is fucking with a pixel?” He continued his degradation. “That their daughter is being used as a cock-sleeve for me while you won’t even get the opportunity to cum?” That line made your eyes widen in shock and slight fear, which made his smile grow in arousal.

“I… won’t..?” You could barely finish your sentence, but it wasn’t necessary for Wanderer, he could understand it all.

“Duh! I’m the one in control of everything in here! You’ll just accept everything that I give you, and I know you’ll enjoy every single second of it because it’s me who’s doing it! The 6th Fatui Harbinger… a puppet created by the almighty Electro Archon… a man who barely has any empathy in his heart…” He pushed the side of your head harder against the wall. “Now, hold your hat, missy! I’m about to cum and I don’t want you to waste a single drop of me, ok?” He talked to you in a sweet, ironic voice, trying to comfort you for the moment that was about to come, when the truth was that he was desperate to see you suffering.

But, finally, he stopped talking and degrading you to focus entirely on his cock bullying your cervix, ravishing your inside like a mush entirely for his pleasure.

Finally, Wanderer punched his cock shut against your cervix, beginning to blow all of his cum inside your womb. He didn’t dare let any of your body to move so you’d take every drop of him in. You screamed due to the slight burn in your womb that his orgasm caused that only fueled Wanderer’s pleasure while spasming.

“Good fucking girl…” He grunted with a deep voice while his dick still spilled thick ropes of cum inside you.

Finally, when it was over, he let your wrists and head go. You rested both parts against the wall, seeing how your wrists were now marked in red because of his gri on them.

He pulled out of you after a few seconds enjoying your warmth surrounding him so passionately. He couldn’t believe he was finding himself so addicted to the feeling of your puffy pussy, so a few butterflies kicked his stomach feeling how your flesh was swollen in arousal, and how its tone had turned into a light pink due to all the movement that has been happening to it.

“Come here, princess…” You felt his hands pull you backwards, quickly turning you over and lifting you up in the air, holding you princess-style while walking around the room.

He walked towards your computer again, your eyes meeting the wishing screen again.

“Go ahead…” He whispered in your ear, influencing one of your resting arms to immediately act in obedience.

Your trembling hand rested on top of the mouse, which was still landed on the 10-Pull button, and you clicked the left side of it.

✧ ✦ ✧

Wanderer giggled at the purple meteor shining at the screen, and even more when you managed to reach the top of the screen and click “Skip”, only to find out there wasn’t even a Faruzan.

“I’m very sorry for that…”

30 Pulls:

“Now, I wasn’t expecting you to accept such an inhumane treatment. When you find a real man to love and care for, are you willing to sell your dignity like this to him?” Wanderer asked while staring at your face like he wasn’t jacking off to you in the most embarrassing position you could ever find yourself in.

Wanderer had mysteriously pulled out two cuffs and a vibrator from nowhere. The cuffs were being used to lock your legs upside down, against your bed’s corner pillars, while he forced your hands to work on your nipples, pinching and squeezing them. While the vibrator was being used to fuck your pussy nonstop, with the extra tease of the vibrations. You didn’t even know your legs could be pulled away from their original position this much, but now, your pussy was entirely exposed to Wanderer with no obstacles, and with no chance of possibly containing that tortuous pleasure that was numbing your mind again.

“I… I..!” You couldn’t answer such an humiliating question.

“Of course you are. It’s written all over your pathetic face.” He suddenly leaned down closer to your face, simply to slap across your pussy hard, causing your legs to shiver, but the way the cuffs prohibited them from reacting too much, making loud metal noises, amused his eyes and ears. “Haha… you really enjoy this sort of treatment, don’t you? I might just take even more advantage of it as well…” You felt his fingers trace all the way down from your bellybutton to your clit, where he meanly pinched it using two fingers.

“NghAaaAHHHh?! Fuck, Wanderer, pleeeeasee!” You whimpered and screamed while a few forming tears glistened your exhausted eyes, and your hips and legs tried to contain the amount of overwhelming pleasure again.

Wanderer smiled like a maniac at the scene.

“What a lovely scene…” He looked down at your pussy, admiring the view of the vibrator thrusting you tortuously at a slow, medium force. “You know what? No need to torture your poor nipples anymore. Use your hands on my dick and worship me, you whore.” He grabbed your right wrist with his other hand and placed your hand right at his tip.

“I don’t know how to… do this…” You whimpered, begging for some mercy, but he simply sighed in boredom in response.

“How many times have you ever even slept with a man, huh? You never did a handjob your entire life?” He scoffed at you. But thankfully, he moved the same hand that was on your clit and placed it perfectly on top of it, and shaped it in a way that perfectly made your fingers hold his cock.

He started to stroke both your hands up and down, trying to guide you into the basic steps of it.

“This is mostly how to stroke a dick, now use your pretty mouth and praise me, bitch.” He guided you with a softer voice, a little merciful at your situation.

You sighed in relief when you felt clit relaxing from all the pain and overstimulation, which immediately called his attention.

“Oh, you think I’m being merciful?” He giggled at you, impeding you from even starting to think about a praise for him, and used his free hand to grab the vibrator’s controller again.

“Force: Maximum… Speed: Medium.” He repeated the adjusts he did to the vibrator according to how his thumb pushed the sliders of it.

Your head rolled backwards in agony of the vibrations being rougher inside you, reaching even deeper parts of your body at a faster pace. More tears rolled down at your face, and your grip tightened around his length instinctively.

“Hummmm… that’s it…” He licked his lips in satisfaction of what he was doing to you while running his other hand in your head playfully. “Keep jacking me off just like that until I cum again.” He took his hand away from yours, now leaving you without any sort of guidance.

But you kept going for it. Although your body was barely keeping up with the vibrator’s effects on you, your mind insisted on reaching both your and his orgasm like it was your only mission in your life, after all, it was your favorite character who you were fucking with.

“Faster, slut. I’m close.” He managed to step a little closer to you so you could stroke him faster, although his knees and legs were already being limited by your bed.

You swallowed all that pooled saliva in your mouth down, trying to stabilize yourself better and focus on achieving both your orgasms. Your clit was also slightly throbbing, slowly growing the amount and intensity of your soon-to-come orgasm.

Wanderer’s cock was slowly leaking pre-cum out of his tip, lubricating your fingers with the help of your own liquids that remained glistened around him. It facilitated your handjob, and it felt even better to Wanderer. To make his orgasm faster, you suddenly had the idea of letting most of your fingers go, only leaving your thumb and your index to do the stroking. You also made sure the size of the circle you did barely fit his length, making the experience slightly painful to him for squeezing him hard, but also suffocating his orgasm to come out as soon as possible. It’s like your fingers were tying to purposefully pump cum out of him.

“You freaking…” Wanderer’s degradations were fortunately being overshadowed by his own pleasure. “It looks like you’ll die without this…” He giggled at your pathetic face. “Don’t worry… it’s about to come. Are you cumming too?” His voice changed to a softer one again.

“Yes, yes! I am, I am!” You screamed in anticipation, enjoying the sensation of vibrator farming an orgasm from you just more and more, quicker than any dick you’ve ever taken.

“Own… that’s too bad.” He suddenly moved a hand down to the vibrator and ripped it away from your hole in a single move.

You screamed in agony feeling your womb ache in pain from the torture of being unfulfilled, trying to reach anything to cum. You desperately tried to reach a hand to your clit, but Wanderer immediately reacted and held it in place with a hand before you could reach it.

“Nuh-uh…” That was the last thing you heard from him before a sudden load of cum started spasming all over your face and chest while Wanderer giggled and moaned in appreciation and fulfilled pleasure.

Even if you were mad for not being allowed to cum, your hand couldn’t help but keep doing its job, even when he was already cumming, or if he had denied you so meanly.

“You look beautiful with cum thrown all around your face like a porn star…” He fisted his length and aimed it better on your face, just to make sure no drop would be thrown in the sheets or pillow. “Pathetic.” His eyebrows frowned, trying to focus his eyes entirely on you. “Are you enjoying having your favorite character cumming around you like some worthless cock-sleeve, hum?” He slapped your hands away from his length and proceeded to guard his dick back to his pants again and begun walking away from you, no matter how needy you were.

Your eyes followed his figure, meeting him leaning down at your table and messing with your computer again.

“I guess I do…” You answered him question.

“Pft… you weren’t actually supposed to answer it, but I’m glad you love me this much. Let’s see if Hoyoverse recognizes your love for me, tho!” He moved to a farther corner, allowing your eyes to mire the screen better as he clicked in the same 10-Pull button.

✧ ✦ ✧

“Tsk, tsk, tsk…” Wanderer crossed his arms and clicked the ‘Skip’ button at the top-corner of your screen before the wishing animation was even done. “Hey, at least Faruzan is watching us! She says you’re deserving of me.” He suddenly turned to you to make that comment.

“Faruzan is… what..?” Your eyes widened a little.

“She can watch us! Gorou and Yanfei can watch us too, actually. Want to say ‘hi’ to her?” He begun walking closer to you again.

“N-No..?!” You immediately nodded your head side-to-side, trying to somehow turn your body away from him, if their perspective came from his eyes.

“Ok, ok! Chill…”

40 Pulls:

“I think I should begin doing to every fan I visit, you know? God, my dick is fucking pulsating because of this shit.” Wanderer said between many deep grunts, arching his head all the way up to the roof while he rolled his feet in the floor.

He was now making you suck his cock while he peacefully sat on your chair, and you were knelt down, still with all that cum spat around your face and the vibrator shoved down at your pussy but in a lower setting. He also made sure to cuff your wrists together behind your back to make sure you had no control over your own pleasure, and just focused on him, no matter how bad the torture was affecting you.

“Sucking me so well… You’re a natural one, aren’t you? You’re just a little smarter for not selling yourself as the whore that you are. But honestly, what could be better than a slutty nerd for a straight man?” Wanderer patted your head with delight, but at the same time still pushing and pulling it up and down on his cock, making you do your job exactly how he likes it.

You were struggling to not choke or gag on his cock, but it was hard, especially when he was looking forward to push all of himself inside you. Luckily, he was being more merciful, for some reason, and you wouldn’t say ‘no’ to it, especially when you believed he would deny your orgasm again.

“This is getting a little boring… should I torture your poor pussy a little bit more..?” He suddenly used the same hand that patted you to pull your hair back, forcing you to do eye-contact with him. “Poor you… can’t even say a word to my question… I guess I’ll just guess that you’d like to say ‘yes’ because you’re a horny slut who’s love to be sucking my cock.” He moved his other hand and grabbed in the controller that was resting in the arm-rest.

When he officially slid the ‘Speed’ option to the right, meaning it has increased, you couldn’t help but open your jaw even wider to let a scream out in satisfaction, but it led you to gag on him right after.

“Good girl… not even daring to pull your mouth away from my cock even if it’s making it harder for you to breathe...” Instead of typically patting your head in praise, he tapped your right cheek with his palm a couple of times, with a strength that made your skin slightly sting, but not enough to make you complain about it. “I might even let you cum…” He angled his head, trying to admire the view of he had of your wet lips wrapping around him, cleaning the stains that were left by you previously, while also trying to act like he was feeling bad for your situation.

Deep down, Wanderer didn’t really care. As long as he got to fill your mouth with his cum and to watch you quiver because of it, he would edge you and fuck you however he liked.

“Prepared, my little proud fan?” His grip in your hair tightened as he stared deep down at your exhausted eyes.

You nodded and tried to relax your jaw for him to fuck your mouth as he desired. It was hurting, anyway, so it felt good to have a reason to do it without being degraded for it.

Wanderer stood up when he felt your teeth piercing his cock with less strength, knowing that would be the perfect position and occasion for him to fuck your throat.

He started thrusting you, and his hips immediately begun crashing against yours erratically, causing a few drops of saliva to gush from your mouth due to how overworked you were. You still could muffle a few moans from the stimulus in your clit and accept his dominance, which Wanderer deeply appreciated, while he allowed his head to angle in direction of the roof, and his own grunts and moans fill the room shamelessly.

“Don’t fucking swallow everything immediately, you hear me?” He took out some of his frustration on you, and you nodded to his order immediately.

With no sort of warning, Wanderer suddenly pushed and locked his entire length shoved down your throat, reaching the deepest he could, which caused you immediately gag. It was even harder now that he was also spilling thick ropes of cum around that overwhelmed your mouth so much, but you couldn’t get rid of them, or else your pussy was going to be a victim of lots of torture.

Wan while he orgasmed, Wanderer pulled and pushed his cock in and out a few times to make sure every corner of your velvety mouth had a little bit of him while he smirked at the roof in ecstasy.

After a final thrust and blow of cum, he pulled out, causing a ‘pop’ sound to come out from your moth, and a few saliva strings to connect your lips to his cock. He leaned his head down to you again and pulled your head upwards to meet his eyes. Luckily, your jaw had been so abused that it remained dropped even when he pulled out, meaning that he wouldn’t need to order you to open it and show the mess he had done in there.

“I hin I onna—” You tried warning him about your coming orgasm, trying your best to not close your lips together, but Wanderer didn’t seem to care, only focusing his eyes in your fucked-out mouth.

“Shh, shh, shh.” He kneeled down in front of you and used a hand to hold you by your cheeks, forcing your mouth locked open while he inspected it.

Wanderer couldn’t help but giggle at the mess he did on you, 100% satisfied with his own work.

“Pathetic fucking slut…” For some reason, Wanderer let go of your jaw for a quick moment just give your left cheek a quick smack with his palm, but before your head could recoil, he hooked your cheeks again back to their place. “Don’t you dare cum without my permission, whore. Now, swallow.” You slowly closed your mouth and sucked all the cum and saliva that pooled in the meantime down to your tongue, and you finally pushed it all in, trying to make it as visible as possible to him.

Wanderer licked his lips when he watched that bulge of cum run down your throat.

“Good girl.” He finally rose his knees up again, beginning to walk towards the computer.

Your toes curled while you tried your best to contain your coming orgasm, but your position really wasn’t on favor of that. But you insisted on that, anyway.

Wanderer held your mouse and turned back to stare at you while he pulled in his own banner. It was lovely for him to watch you worming in the floor while being edged by both a vibrator and a screen.

“Aaaaannnd…” He clicked the mouse gently.

✧ ✦ ✧

“My, my… today is not really your day, is it?”

“Scara, I can’t hold it anymore!” You whimpered for his mercy, your head curling down until your forehead was rubbing against the floor.

“Tch… can’t even get a grip of yourself.” He pulled out the controller from his shorts and slid both options of it to the left, setting both the force and speed to zero.

You couldn’t help but tear down a little bit, feeling that precious peak of pleasure flow away from your womb, while you could hear Wanderer hum a giggle in his throat in pure sadistic arousal of denying you.

50 Pulls:

Finally, your pussy wasn’t being degraded or neglected anymore.

“Holy shit, Scara! You’re gonna break me!” Your back arched against the bed, your head restless in the pillow, and your hands trying their best to push Wanderer’s tongue against your swollen clit.

“Was that supposed to be a bad thing?” His eyes angled up to meet yours, trying to contain a giggle to focus on licking your clit.

Wanderer was the one giving you a blowjob now. His mouth doing wonders in your clit and his middle and index fingers thrusting your swollen pussy in a quick, tortuous pace.

“Please, slow down!” You whimpered loudly but neither his tongue or fingers obliged to your pleas.

“Why?” He initiated, but paused to make sure your clit’s stimulation would not die. “I thought you wanted an orgasm…” His tongue’s tip immediately begun circling your clit to every limit it could reach, causing your thighs to tremble and hug his head tighter against their fluffiness while your mouth screamed high-pitch. “Fuck, your thighs are so soft… How come I haven’t messed with them yet?” You saw his other free arm circling your entire thigh, using his fingers to caress and squeeze it as he wished. “Fuck…” Wanderer moaned.

Before you could enjoy too much of his soft fingers in your thighs, Wanderer suddenly pulled a move that you weren’t expecting to happen. You felt him pull out his middle finger from you but keep his index finger, curling it upward and beginning to rub the tip of finger at your g-spot.

The scream that came out of your throat was feral. You had no idea such level of pleasure was even possible at the first place.

“Here it is…” You heard him groan like a hungry predator when he saw how you reacted to that, and proceeded to keep bullying that spot.

And of course, as soon as he stopped talking, he immediately placed his tongue back to your clit, teasing the most sensitive spots in your body mercilessly, chasing that orgasm like his life depended on it too.

Your hands were threading in the deepest roots of his indigo hair and you were sure you’d have a sore throat the next morning. Loud moans just couldn’t stop escaping your pretty lips, all of them reaching Wanderer’s ears like music. He was loving every second of that round of sex, especially being squeezed by your thighs.

“Oh my God!” You couldn’t hold it back when he started sucking your clit again, and your chest rose upwards in a blink, now sitting on the bed.

It gave you more power, and you definitely used the advantage to try grinding your pussy against his head harder.

“I’m close! I’m so close! Please don’t edge me again! Please, please, please!” You tried your best to lock your thighs around him with a strength that he wouldn’t manage to get rid off, but Wanderer didn’t feel slightly threatened by it.

He was going to make sure you orgasmed a river of cum around him. After all, it would be natural of you to cum hard due to all the edging he had done to you.

“Tease your nipples. It’ll help.” He ordered with a more serious tone, truly focusing his mouth and fingers into their objective.

A hand of yours slid upwards and begun touching your breasts exactly how you like it. The other hand obviously remained at the back of his head. Wanderer grunted in pleasure with the newest view he had of you sitting above of him, his bricked dick pushing his pants to get out of them, aching and trembling in need to get inside a hole as soon as possible.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” You curled your body when the heat from pinching your nipples and squeezing your breasts started fueling the pleasure your clit felt.

It really didn’t take seconds until that building climax of yours was finally released by your womb, freeing your pussy from all that previous edging. You threw your body back at the bed, spasming in the sheets, but your hand kept pushing his head against your flesh forcefully, trying to make him take in every single string of cum of that heavy orgasm. Wanderer decided to oblige to you and your personal wish of cumming inside his mouth and moved his mouth down to your hole and pushed his tongue in, while pulling out his finger out of you.

Just like you previously did, Wanderer kept his mouth ready and open to receive every drop of cum that ran down to your tongue. Thankfully, you tasted bitter, which is his favorite kind of flavor, so he really didn’t mind the enormous loads of cum that ran down, licking and swallowing them all like a meal. His hands kept caressing your thighs, trying to keep stimulating you and your body to explode all that cum in your womb down his mouth and liberate some storage for the next rounds.

Your whole body melted down as soon as it was over, and Wanderer finally rose his head up again.

“You have a wonderful taste, dear.” He praised while swallowing the final drops of cum that hadn’t gone down to his throat yet.

Wanderer proceeded to get out of the bed, and once again walk to the computer like he hasn’t just fucked your brains out.

While whistling a melody, he clicked the ‘10-Pull’ button another time.

✧ ✦ ✧

“Still nothing… what pity are you on right now? I forgot to check that before beginning pulling.” He turned his head to you, staring at you aloof.

“I think… I think I was at 10 pulls before…” You mumbled an answer while you regained some consciousness. Having such a heavy orgasm had really exhausted your brain at the moment.

“Then we have approximately two rounds left if I believe you deserve to win your 50/50.” He begun walking to you again with a smirk already growing in his lips and his hand undoing his pants another time.

60 Pulls:

“Such a fucking receptive pussy you have..!” He grunted while trying his best to cage his moans in the back of his throat, his voice sounding husky and exhausted.

You left him really hungry when he decided to be nice to you and suck your pussy dry. When he was fingering your g-spot, all that ran in his mind was the imagery of his cock doing that to you instead, so that’s exactly what he decided to do. Fuck you in a mating press.

Down at your cervix, the tip of cock punched the depths of your pussy nonstop, his words suddenly becoming hungrier and greedier for you. It didn’t surprise you that Wanderer had a slight kink in breeding and just rough sex over all.

“You’re gonna take every drop of me inside again, okay? I bet it’d make you happy to be fucking pregnant with my babies, wouldn’t it, you fucking whore?” He endlessly pounded your g-spot, talking and acting like he wasn’t panting and sweating like a nasty dog.

Wanderer chuckled miring down at your fucked-out face, panting and drooling with his forceful thrusts, but still doing his best to not slow down.

“Such a cute little doll…” He praised you, but his tone made it sound more like a degradation. “Nahida was right when she let you win her 50/50… You were a dedicated fan to this game… and to me.” He giggled as he thought of all those little efforts you were doing to ‘attract luck’ for your wishes on him.

Wanderer’s hands, who were busy pressing your legs against the sheet, tightened around them, slightly scratching your skin. It caused you to hiss and look away from him, which he seemed to immediately repel.

“No, no, dear… keep your pretty eyes on me.” You decided to comply to his sweet, serious tone, but his indigo eyes, glistening and shining in arousal, were applying a lot of pressure on you and your performance, causing your cheeks to flush and your eyes to flick away from his a few times. “Now you’re embarrassed, hum? No need to be, dear… don’t you think I’ve seen it all already? All your intimacy? All the times this pretty pussy of yours clenched around me because of the most inhumane treatment, hum?” Wanderer approached his face to yours, your foreheads and noses rubbing against each other.

You swallowed some saliva down, trying to somehow gather courage to stare at his eyes in agreement with his words. It worked, but if you could turn your face away for the rest of it, you definitely would. You couldn’t believe Wanderer was that incited and determined to make you stare at him while having sex. Did he really find you sexy in this state? Pretty? Or hot? You couldn’t help but be embarrassed.

It didn’t matter. Something else was teasing you and taking your attention away at the moment. Your lips would sometimes touch his by accident every time he smacked his hips down against yours. It was making you go insane. You really wanted to kiss him and learn how does Wanderer from Genshin Impact kiss, but you had no idea if he’d accept it or if this was a good moment for it… Even if you couldn’t decide whether you did or did not go for it, your lips couldn’t help but grind against his every time they touched, and he obviously noticed.

“You want to kiss me, hum? I can see you trying to reach me every time we touch… Unfortunately I only do favors for people if they ask me very kindly, using the magic words… or making them beg for it…” He looked at you with shining eyes, already creating big expectations.

“Please, please, please..! Let me kiss you! At least once! Just once!” You whined while directly staring at his eyes like he desires, which was making him extremely passionate about you, his balls burning and yearning for more of that eager submission of yours.

“Good fucking girl…” His voice was hoarse and husky with how overwhelmingly good you were making him feel.

It was making him obsessed with the idea chasing a double orgasm.

“Are you close?” He asked while intensifying his pace.

“Yes… please let me cum this time with you!” You begged to him, which made his smirk grow in arousal.

“You want to cum with me, hum?” He looked forward to make you say even more pathetic things.

“Please..!” You whimpered while his cock poked your g-spots and wet slap noises from your hips surrounded the room.

“You know what? I’m gonna let you do that just because I want to make sure every little sperm of mine swims to your fucking womb.” The way his eyes widened and stared at the deepest corners of yours seemed to aroused your pussy even more. “Are you ready?”

“Yes!” You screamed while feeling your womb build just more and more anticipation.

And with a final pump of his cock, the both of your cores started spasming cum another time. You and him were grunting and scratching each other as if you were both going to pass out. Obviously Wanderer tried to maintain his posture to pose as this unbeatable, untouchable man to you, but you knew those thick loads of cum being ejaculated on you were all proof that he was loving every single second of those rounds of animalistic sex. And you simply let yourself tremble and worm under him, knowing it was something lovely to him.

When you two were finally done spilling cum at each other, Wanderer finally looked down at where you two were connected and begun pulling his dick out very slowly. He admired watching his cock making such wet, slimy noises due to its contact with your pussy, even if he was moving the slowest pace ever, revealing itself to be all creamy and lubricated the more he pulled out.

“Let’s see if this is finally it…” Wanderer stroked his cock a few times knelt down in your bed before jumping out of it to excitedly walk to your computer another time.

Click.

✧ ✦ ✧

“What a shame…” He punctuated every syllable of his sentence, trying to make it as obvious as possible that he was actually happy about the fact that you didn’t get any Five-Star pull yet. “At least you got two Faruzan copies for two orgasms…” He giggled at the final results of the pull.

70 Pulls:

Wanderer was genuinely more thoughtful and caring in this round, especially because the both of you believed it would be the last one. He decided to service your eyes and finally become entirely naked. It wasn’t anything jaw-dropping, but you did like the few Anemo-colored tattoos he had around his body, especially the one behind his neck, symbolizing his true identity.

You two were back to the bed again, but this time he was thrusting you sideways, while you simply laid down and tried to reach your hands in his body and feel his soft skin.

“You know…” Since he was fucking you nice and slow this time, you could finally have proper conversations with him. “What the heck did you mean with ‘Kabukimono and the Balladeer will cease to exist.’ in the trailer? Does that have anything to do with your redesign and your new name? It doesn’t look 100% good in my opinion, but what can I do about it..? I wish Hoyo had given you a better design…” Wanderer scoffed at that last sentence.

“As soon as you play the new mission, you’ll find it why, and you’ll regret those words a lot. Do you even have any idea of why I became a Harbinger in the first place? ” He whispered right at your ear while one of his hands squeezed a breast of yours gently.

His mouth was softly biting your neck, trying to get a taste of your skin with it and his hands too. His whole body was trying its best to wrap and feel yours, showing a romantic side you’d never expect from him.

You wondered if he ever made his way under another character’s pants… or other fans…

You hated that possibility. You were enjoying this intimate moment with him and daydreaming with the possibility of him being yours and yours only.

“No idea, Scara…” You tried rolling your body in his direction, trying to be closer to him.

“I won’t give you any spoilers…” Wanderer didn’t do anything about your need for his affection and closure, tho.

Perhaps it was still fun for him to deny you even in moments where kinks weren’t involved.

“You feel so good…” You decided to praise him, a hand of yours raising to caress his head while he sucked your neck like a vampire.

“You feel great too.” He pressed many smooches at your cheek and neck while you two shared compliments. “It even has me praying for you to not get a five star in the next pulls… Perhaps I can also make you lose 50/50 purposefully just to keep my dick in this pussy of yours for a little longer.” His voice has husky, moaning and grunting at how your gushy pussy was making a mess of him down there.

Wanderer gave a few glances down at your connected crotches, admiring your curves in the way, but wanting to admire the lovemaking scenario down there. Your gummy walls letting him slide in and out so easily, gushing some liquids all the way down to his balls due to the overstimulation, your sweaty skin rubbing against his... And now his hands were 100% addicted to your thighs. Even if he needed to occupy a hand to hold one of your legs up, he took the opportunity to play with them too, brushing the tips of all his fingers up and down your skin.

It was so stimulating to have him teasing so many parts of your body at the same time, you couldn’t help but begin whimpering again, desiring for more.

“Faster! Please!” Your desperate immediately made Wanderer react to it.

It felt like his dick naturally started going faster just for the sake of hearing you whine his name and desperate orders while his balls became heavier in weight.

“You’re gonna cum already, hum?” Wanderer chuckled in your ear, gently biting its lobe afterwards jokingly.

“Y-Yes! I can feel it coming soon!” Your hand desperately tried to reach his hips, trying to somehow make them go faster.

“Me too, dear… So, make sure to cum it all around me, ok? The same way I’ll be cumming it all around you too.” Wanderer suddenly jumped from his spot and pushed your shoulder until your back was turned to him, thrusting you from behind now while your face drowned in the pillow.

You weakly nodded, your hands gripping on the sheets for dear life as Wanderer’s pace increased erratically. You obviously took the opportunity to increase the volume of your pretty moans.

Seeing your body so arched for him was a view he’d love to watch for hours, especially since it helped his thrusts becoming more precise against your sensitive spots. He spent this whole finale staring at the wet mess you were making of his cock once again, enjoying it as if you were praising him with your voice.

No matter how repetitive they were, once again, your orgasm was breathtaking. Although you enjoyed the idea of being degraded by a man you adore so much, being loved and praised by him felt even better. It explained why it really didn’t take long for you to cum again. Meanwhile you trembled and screamed against the pillow, Wanderer kept thrusting you in that same tortuous pace since he hadn’t reached his own climax yet. At least he deeply enjoyed watching you taking all of him inside even if you were busy being so overwhelmed by your own body wasting all that peaked pleasure. He could now see a few ropes of your cum splashed around his length, truly making your already gummy walls a true mush for him to abuse.

“Good girl… I’m close…” He warned you with a husky groan, and you couldn’t help but try spreading your legs and arching your back even further for him, in arousal of hearing his noises and feeling his cock punching your insides accompanied by wet, splashy noises coming his hips crashing yours.

In a few seconds, Wanderer finally started orgasming too. While squeezing your fluffy buttocks, his tip trembled and ached while pumping his pleasure out of itself. Your body took him all in like it has already been accustomed with it. It didn’t really hurt, and it felt to feel him claiming the deepest parts of your insides all to himself.

Wanderer giggled.

“Did you enjoy this? Taking my semen inside your pretty cunt?” Wanderer leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“I… I did.” At this point, you were too cock-drunk to care if anyone would hear your pathetic self-degradation, your stupid screams or if your roommate would arrive home with such a pornographic scene happening.

You were happy that you had so many rounds of sex with your favorite character of your entire life.

“Good! You know your place!” The irony in his tone while his hand roamed around your body made you giggle.

You felt his hands stop at your shoulders, pulling you up from behind. After a few other tricks, he had on his arms, carrying you around princess-style once again.

“Go on. You do it.” He said as he walked close enough to your computer’s screen and sat himself on your chair, still with you on top of his naked lap. “I’m tired. Even if you don’t get a Five Star right now, I have no gas anymore anyway…” He arched his head against your chair’s pillow while waiting for you to finally reach ‘pity’.

Your shaking fingers reached your mouse.

You accidentally shook it away from the button you couldn’t wait to click, making you shake you head and focus, trying to act less lazily, desperately desiring to see what would be the results of all your efforts.

Click.

Your eyes widened.

“Oh-ho?” Wanderer’s attention was brought back to the screen seeing the golden sparkle shining around it.

Your hand froze in place as the first result of your pulls popped with a flash in your screen.

A 3-Star weapon.

You didn’t bother reading its name.

You slowly clicked the screen one-by-one, waiting for every animation of every weapon to load before advancing.

In the final clicks, finally, the big, golden, splash art finally popped.

It was him.

“Congratulations.” Wanderer giggled, tapping and patting the top of your head as if he hadn’t just controlled that.

“You…” You couldn’t even express all that joy you had been stocking for this moment. “Thank you! Thank you so much!” You couldn’t help but hug his neck passionately, which made his a smirk did and become grumpy expression instead.

That was it!

Your objective in the game was finally over!

Wanderer was yours!

“Ok, ok… no need to keep throwing yourself on me!” He rose his hands upwards, trying to avoid touching you while you simply rubbed yourself against him in pure joy of finally achieving your main mission in the game.

“I’m so happy!! Thank you so, so, so, so, so much!” You immediately let him go when he asked for it, and you threw yourself in the table, beginning to print the screen in front of you.

“I would do Weapon Banner round too, but unfortunately…” He paused for a beat. “It’s time to wake up.”

“What?” You expressed your confusion, taking a glance back at him.

“Y/N? Hello?” Those words didn’t match his previous ones, which just made you even more confused. You didn’t recognize that tone on him… but in someone else.

In a blink, all that world disappeared, and your body teleported from Wanderer’s lap to your bed again.

“Oh, God! I thought you were dead!” Your roommate made a ‘phew’ noise when she finally saw your eyes awaken at her perspective.

“W-Wh…” You rose your chest and looked around.

“Weird dream again?” She asked, leaning away from the bed to let you get up.

It was all… a dream..?

“Y-Yeah…” You awkwardly jumped out from your bed, immediately walked to your table, seeing your current main character idling probably for the twentieth time.

The Wish button had a red exclamation mark on it.

The Character button had no exclamation mark on it.

You clicked on it.

Wanderer’s banner was there, and it’s been 2 hours since he arrived in the game according to the timer.

Oh.

It was really all a dream?! All that pleasure and romance was just your brain helping you relieve your sexual needs?! Your romantic fantasies?! Well… you couldn’t deny you were a little thankful for it. The scenario you just lived was something many of his fans would kill for.

Before you could even think about actually pulling for him now, an e-mail notification in the game popped right at center-top of the screen with a little notification sound accompanied, contrasting the screen’s light blue background with its gray tone.

You pressed the ‘Esc’ key in your keyboard twice and quickly reached the e-mail option at the left bottom-corner of the screen. At least you’d get some gems for—

Wait…

What is this e-mail?

It doesn’t have a gem icon, or any item at all. It was just… a message? Coming from… ‘You Know Who’..?

You swallowed saliva while clicking the e-mail.

From: You Know Who

Good luck on the Weapon Banner, and good luck with the new mission too. ;)

(I seriously recommend you have a handkerchief while doing it.)

Taglist: @hitomisuzuya @kindofshyent @shyentsfoundherink @amoyanderes @the-stinky-winky @goofy-ego @bigmantiddys @alatusorrow @luminieee

Don’t forget to like and comment if you liked it <3

[covid-safer-hotties]

also preserved on our archive

By Erica Sloan

These days, it’s tempting to compare COVID-19 with the common cold or flu. It can similarly leave you with a nasty cough, fever, sore throat—the full works of respiratory symptoms. And it’s also become a part of the societal fabric, perhaps something you’ve resigned yourself to catching at least a few times in your life (even if you haven’t already). But let’s not forget: SARS-CoV-2 (the virus responsible for COVID) is still relatively new, and researchers are actively investigating the toll of reinfection on the body. While there are still a lot of unknowns, one thing seems to be increasingly true: Getting COVID again and again is a good deal riskier than repeat hits of its seasonal counterparts.

It turns out, SARS-CoV-2 is more nefarious than these other contagious bugs, and our immune response to it, often larger and longer-lasting. COVID has a better ability to camouflage itself in the body, “and it has the keys to the kingdom in the sense that it can unlock any cell and get in,” says Esther Melamed, PhD, an assistant professor in the department of neurology at Dell Medical School, University of Texas Austin, and the research director of the Post-COVID-19 program at UT Health Austin. That’s because SARS-CoV-2 binds to ACE2 receptors, which exist in cells all over your body, from your heart to your gut to your brain. (By contrast, cold and flu viruses replicate mostly in your respiratory tract.)

It only follows that a bigger threat can trigger an outsize immune response. In some people, the body’s reaction to COVID can turn into a “cytokine storm,” Dr. Melamed tells SELF, which is characterized by an excessive release of inflammatory proteins that can wreak havoc on multiple organ systems—not a common scenario for your garden-variety cold or flu. But even a “mild” case of COVID can throw your immune system into a tizzy as it works to quickly shore up your defenses. And each reinfection is a fresh opportunity for the virus to win the battle.

While you develop some immunity after a COVID infection, it doesn’t just grow with each additional hit. You might be thinking, “Aren’t I more protected against COVID and less likely to have a serious case after having been infected?” Part of that is true, to an extent. In the first couple years after COVID burst onto the scene, reinfections were generally (though not always) milder than a person’s initial bout of the virus. “The way we understand classic immunology is that your body will say to a virus [it’s seen before], ‘Oh, I know how to deal with you, and I’m now going to deal with you in a better way the second time around,’” says Ziyad Al-Aly, PhD, a clinical epidemiologist at Washington University in St. Louis School of Medicine and the chief of research and development at the Veterans Affairs St. Louis Health Care System.

But any encounter with COVID can also cause your immune system to “go awry or develop some form of dysfunction,” Dr. Al-Aly tells SELF. Specifically, “immune imprinting” can happen, where, upon a second (or third or fourth) exposure to the virus, your immune cells launch the same response as they did for the initial infection, in turn blocking or limiting the development of new antibodies necessary to fight off the current variant that’s stirring up trouble. So, “when you get hit an [additional] time, your immune system may not behave classically,” Dr. Al-Aly says, and could struggle with mounting a good defense.

Pair that dip in immune efficiency with the fact that your antibody levels also wane with time post-infection, and it’s easy to see how another hit can rock your body in a new way. Indeed, the more time that passes after any given COVID infection, the less of a “competitive advantage” you’ll have against any future one, Richard Moffitt, PhD, an associate professor at Emory University, in Atlanta, tells SELF. His research found that, while people who got sick initially during the delta phase were less likely to get reinfected during the first omicron wave (as compared to folks who were infected in a prior period), that benefit leveled off with following omicron variants.

There’s also the fact that no matter how your immune system has responded to a prior strain (or strains!) of the virus, it could react differently to a new mutation. “We tend to think of COVID as one homogeneous thing, but it’s really not,” Dr. Al-Aly says. So even if your body successfully thwarted one of these intruders in the past, there’s no guarantee it’ll do the same for another, now or in the future, he says.

Getting COVID again and again is especially risky if it previously made you very ill. Dr. Moffitt’s study above also found that the “severity of your first infection is very predictive of the severity of a reinfection,” he says. Meaning, you’re more likely to have a severe case of COVID—for instance, requiring hospitalization or intensive care, such as ventilation—when reinfected if you had a rough go of it the first time around.

It’s possible that some folks are more prone to an off-kilter immune response to the virus, which could then happen consistently with reinfections. The antibodies created in people who’ve had severe cases “may not function as well as those in folks who’ve had mild infections or were able to fight the virus off,” Dr. Melamed says. Though researchers don’t fully understand why, some people’s immune systems are also more likely to overreact to COVID (remember the cytokine storm?), which can cause serious symptoms—like fluid in the lungs and shortness of breath—whenever they’re infected.

Being over the age of 65, having a chronic illness or other medical condition, and lacking access to health care have all been shown to spike your risk of serious outcomes with a COVID infection, whether it’s your first or fifth fight with the virus.

But you’re not home free if you’ve only had, say, a brief fever or cough with COVID in the past; Dr. Moffitt points out that a small subset of people in his research who had minor reactions with their initial infection went on to be hospitalized with a repeat hit. The probability of that might be lower, but it’s still a possibility, he says.

Even if you’ve only had “mild” cases, each reinfection strains your body, upping your chances of developing long COVID. A 2022 study led by Dr. Al-Aly found that COVID reinfections also increase your risk of complications across the board, regardless of whether you recovered just fine in the past or got vaccinated. In particular, it showed that reinfection raises the likelihood that you’ll need hospitalization; have heart or lung problems; or experience, among other possible issues, GI, neurological, mental health, or musculoskeletal symptoms. “We use the term ‘cumulative effects,’” Dr. Al-Aly says, “so, multiple hits accrue and then leave the body more vulnerable to all the potential long-term health effects of COVID.”

That doesn’t mean your experience of a second (or third or fourth) infection will necessarily be worse, in and of itself, than what you felt during a prior case. But with each new hit, a fresh batch of the virus seeps into your system, where, even if you have a mild case, it has another chance to trigger any of the longer-term complications above. While the likelihood of getting long COVID (a constellation of symptoms lingering for three months or longer post-infection) is likely greatest after initial infection, “The bottom line is, people are still getting diagnosed with long COVID after reinfection,” Dr. Moffitt says.

Researchers don’t totally know why one person might deal with lasting health effects over another, but it seems that, in some folks, the immune system misfires, generating not only antibodies to attack the virus but also autoantibodies that go after the body’s own healthy cells, Dr. Al-Aly says. This may be one reason why COVID has been linked to the onset of autoimmune conditions like psoriasis and rheumatoid arthritis.

A different hypothesis suggests that pieces of the virus could linger in the body, even after a person has seemingly “recovered” (reminder that SARS-CoV-2 is scarily good at weaseling its way into all sorts of cells). “Maybe the first time, your immune system was able to fully clear it, but the second time, it found a way to hang around,” Dr. Al-Aly posits. And a third theory involves your gut microbiome, the community of microbes in your GI tract, including beneficial bacteria. It’s conceivable that “when we get sick with COVID, these bacteria do, too, and perhaps they recover [on initial infection], but not on the second or third hit,” he says, throwing off your balance of good-to-bad gut bugs (which can impact your health in all sorts of ways).

Another unnerving possibility: The shock to your system triggered by COVID may “wake up” a latent (a.k.a. dormant) virus or two lurking in your body, Dr. Melamed says. We all carry anywhere from eight to 12 of these undetected bugs at a time—things like Epstein-Barr, varicella-zoster (which causes chickenpox and shingles), and herpes simplex. And research suggests their reactivation could be a contributing factor in long COVID. Separately, the systemic inflammation often created by COVID may spark the onset of high blood pressure and increased clotting (which can up your risk of stroke and pulmonary embolism), as well as type 2 diabetes, Dr. Melamed says.

There’s no guarantee that any given COVID infection snowballs into something debilitating, but each hit is like another round of Russian roulette, Dr. Al-Aly says. From a sheer numbers standpoint, the more times you play a game with the possibility of a negative outcome, the greater your chances are of that bad result occurring. And because every COVID case has at least some potential to leave you very ill or dealing with a host of persistent symptoms, why take the risk any more times than you need to?

Bottom line: You should do your best to avoid COVID reinfection and bolster your defenses against the virus. At this stage of the pandemic’s progression, it’s not realistic to suggest you can avoid any exposure to the virus, given that societal protections against its spread have been rolled back. But what you should do is take some common-sense precautions, which can help you avoid any contagious respiratory virus. (A cold or the flu may not pose as many potential health risks as COVID, but being sick is still not fun!)

It’s a good idea to wear a mask when you’re in a crowded environment (especially indoors), choose well-ventilated or outdoor spaces for group hangouts, and test for COVID if you have cold or flu-like symptoms, Dr. Al-Aly says. If you do get infected, talk to your doctor about whether your personal risk of a severe case is enough to qualify for a Paxlovid prescription (which you need to take within the first five days of symptoms for it to be effective).

The other important thing you should do is get the updated COVID vaccine (the 2024-2025 formula was recently approved and released). Unlike getting reinfected, the vaccine triggers “a very targeted immune response…because it’s [made with] a specific tiny part of the virus,” Dr. Melamed says. Meaning, you get the immune benefit of a little exposure without the potential of your whole system going haywire. Getting the current shot also ensures you restore any protection that has waned since you received a prior jab and that you have an effective shield against the dominant circulating strains. Plus, research shows that being vaccinated doesn’t just lower your chances of catching the virus; it also reduces your risk of having a severe case or winding up with long COVID if you do get it.

So, too, can the deceivingly simple act of keeping up with healthy habits—like exercising regularly, eating nutritious foods, and clocking quality sleep. Maintaining this kind of lifestyle can help you stave off other health issues that could increase your risk of harm from COVID, Harlan Krumholz, PhD, a cardiologist at Yale University and founder of the Yale Center for Outcomes Research and Evaluation (CORE), tells SELF. “Given that we will be repetitively exposed to the virus, the best investments we can make are in our baseline health,” he says.

Doing any (or all!) of the above is a big act of compassion for yourself, the people you love, and your greater community. “For the average person, it’s like, ‘Oh, COVID is gone,’ but they’re just not seeing the impact,” Dr. Al-Aly says, noting the invisibility of long COVID symptoms like disorienting brain fog and crushing fatigue. The truth is, in plenty of people, just one more infection could be the difference between living their best life and facing a devastating chronic condition.

[tfatwsbarnes]

please, please, please | manny alvarez

summary: your situationship in salt lake city, with manny alvarez, had you begging him to prove you wrong.

pairing: manny alvarez x scientist fem!reader

word count: 5.5k

trigger warning: bad language, situationship, toxic relationship themes such as emotional manipulation, sexual themes (no smut), blood, tlou gore, violence, death and trauma. inaccuracies everywhere, y’know the gist.

a/n: manny is evil but he is so fine that he’s forgiven mwah. reader is a softy with him, thinks she can fix him by going back every time. also based off of my own experience of a situationship where i fell hard and ate off of the crumbs he was giving me.

gif credit: @optional

"Manny?" You raised your head, "Alvarez? Really?"

        That was something you had become accustomed to during your time in Salt Lake City, stationed at St. Mary's Hospital. You were a biomedical scientist in training and under the watchful eye of Dr. Anderson, you had earned a spot as one of his assistants with your fresh perspective on the clinical trials for the Cure.

        You hadn't just happened to stumble upon a treasure trove of likeminded people — no — you had heard through the grapevine of a congregation named the Fireflies that united on liberation and restoration of humanity as it once was. Unfortunate, but the remains of your family hadn't shared the same excitement when you brought the proposition of uprooting your lives for Salt Lake City; so you left with minimal baggage and a weakened heart from loss.

        It took months, and one broken ankle that hadn't healed properly, for you to arrive at the mouth of Salt Lake City. The city overrun by nature.

        The first person you had crossed paths with was Manny Alvarez. A soldier to the bone, he had been ordered to patrol the outskirts of the city for indication of FEDRA tracking their mucky paws through their station. Rifle end pointed strategically between your eyes, Manny threatened your life and you spent ten minutes convincing him otherwise.

        Manny adjusted the strap of his gun on his shoulder and looked ahead, "You think they'll just recruit you because you claim to be a scientist?"

        "Biomedical scientist." You affirmed, "That's the difference."

        He seemed somewhat approachable aside the trigger happiness. Shoulders bumped when you walked together back to speak with Marlene, the woman in charge of the operation. That's how he had sunk the metal teeth of the bear trap around your leg — metaphorically.

        You were softened at the core from the upset of abandoning your family, sieged by grief of people who weren't dead and Manny seemed to be a trustable character to flesh your heart out to. Always a good judgement of character, you believed your gut wouldn't steer you wrong.

        With a nudge of encouragement from Manny, you had convinced Marlene of your growing skills within the medical field and she had accepted you into the Fireflies on the condition that immediate research must come with conclusive evidence that you were going to be an asset to Dr. Anderson.

        Not a hindrance.

        And with that subtle threat, you dove headfirst into the clinical research, privy to confidential information on a girl that was immune to the Cordyceps Virus. It wasn't a simple feat, your days ended in a dull ache at the forefront of your head, mood soured by the drop of your energy levels from endless devotion to proving yourself.

        Feet always ended up subconsciously taking you to his door. Three knocks of a secret code you had created for each other over the months of growing a bond, Manny would swing the door open and usher you in with a hand to the small of your back.

        Manny hadn't been the idyllic version of what you had assumed on how a man would treat you. He was handsome — scratch that — extremely handsome, that it had caught you off guard when you first met. The closer you grew, the meaner he had gotten, but you saw it as a deserving punishment for your selfish departure back home.

        You weren't an idiot.

        The pressured niggle at the back of your mind, sending the correct waves of information that Manny Alvarez was bad for your kinder soul. You just hoped he wouldn't prove you right.

        "How was your day?" You asked him with enough care to listen to his woes despite your own.

        Manny scoffed, his back faced toward you, "Alright, I suppose." He turned to look at you, "Lost my sparring match three times to the same guy. It's fucked me off."

        "You won't always win." You shrugged.

        "Why are you here?" Manny retorted with enough venom that made your jaw slack. His nervous tendency showed as he bounced his leg with the ball of his foot.

        You blinked, "I always come here."

        A sense of belonging.

        "You've completed your daily round, doctor. You can leave now." He was purposely being mean to ease his own anger at his failure. Manny was simple-minded when it came to his ego, and you could tell it had been damaged severely over a meagre spar with another solider.

        "OK. And you've ticked off your daily task of being odious, bastard. Enjoy your night with your right hand." You stormed to his door as he called your name, swinging it open and throwing a middle finger behind you before it slammed shut on his voice.

       Nights like those weren't few and far between. A sizeable tension coated St. Mary's Hospital and it consumed both you and Manny. Dr. Anderson was close to a breakthrough on the Cure which meant all hands on deck for both clinical and soldiers. That is what you put it down to. Denial could be your middle name.

The days after were spent on the top floor of St. Mary's Hospital, where you had been pressing your studies on the extraction for the cure to Jerry Anderson and avoiding Manny Alvarez like the plague.

        You took your limited time to yourself to replenish your food levels before delving back deep into assisting his revisions.

        A roll of bread smacked against your forehead, a soft 'thunk' from the noise as you were reading over the statistics for the next dose of immunisations. Irritated, you looked up to see Manny sitting adjacent to you at the table, a smug smile on his features as his left cheek pocketed food. He leant back in his chair as he bit into the red apple in his hand, throwing a wink your way.

        Your eyes almost rolled to the back of your head.

        Nevertheless, you stood, collecting the files on the table before rounding it and taking seat next to Manny. He looked like the epitome of relaxed, legs spread open, arm resting against the top of his chair.

        "You could greet me by saying hello." You chastised, legs of your chair screeching as you tucked yourself in — files flipped open to resume your reading.

        "I did. You ignored me."

        "Or, I've gradually managed to tune your voice out for optimum concentration on what I came here to do in the first place." You pointed your pen at his face and he gently pushed it out of view, taking the opportunity to lean in close to you.

        "Everyone likes a side hustle." Fingertips subtly brushed your kneecaps, and Manny grinned at the flitting moment of embarrassment on your face.

        You quipped, "Reducing yourself to a side hustle is degrading."

        "I've heard you like it."

        You threw him a petulant look.

        Diving back into your files, you mumbled, the hotness in your stomach not going amiss, "I have some news to tell you."

        Manny attempted to feign interest, "Oh yeah?" He paused, "You're not pregnant are you?"

        "What? No—That's not—No." You looked around the room to see if anyone was eavesdropping, "Marlene called to speak to me."

        ". . .OK?"

        You tutted. "I think they're going to ask me to assist Dr. Anderson in the surgery with the 'Immune Girl'." You fingered quotation marks, awaiting the excitement on Manny's end — it never came. So, you continued, "If we get this cure secured, I can head up to Wyoming after."

Manny swallowed the chunk of mushed apple in his mouth. Brown eyes softened and grew wide enough to make your stomach flip thrice. His brows knitted together as he mulled your statement over.

"How would you get to Wyoming?" He looked as if he was playing a scene of your attempt at survival en route. "You can't even shoot a gun."

You gawked, "Yes I can."

"Baby—" He didn't have to do that. But he did as he laughed. "Last time I saw you shoot something, it was the ground after forgot to turn flick the safety on. You almost blew your foot to bits."

OK. He was right. You had been sent into the ranks of the Firefly soldiers, some amongst the likes of Abby Anderson, Nora Harris and, of course, Manny. It was on Marlene's orders, to have you certified on using a gun for your own protection if FEDRA or raiders, ransacked Salt Lake City and St. Mary's Hospital with it.

Abby was helpful, a friendly face and eased your anxieties as she helped you prep the gun given to you. Just prior to target practice, the gun was in hand as Manny goaded you about how he's never seen someone look so mousy holding a weapon. Ears hot with embarrassment from the eyes on you, fingers clenched around the gun without a thought of malice and all bodies within close proximity jumped with alarm as a bullet narrowly missed your pinky toe.

Quick to disarm you, you were sent upstairs to report back to Marlene and you were banned from weapon practice for a month.

You thought back on the memory, nose scrunched, "OK. Then teach me." He went to argue and you held up a finger, "My ban was up a week ago. So, I can practice."

"Fine." He agreed, "Meet me outside after your talk with Marlene." You nodded as he leant in for a chaste kiss, chair scraping as Manny took himself away.

"Really?" Mel's voice filtered through from across the Mess Hall. You stared at her, "Manny?"

—

You did as you were told. Rubble kicked beneath your boot, you rolled your neck to relieve the ache from being hunched over in your studies all day. Marlene had informed you just as you had suspected, and you would be a supporting role within the Surgery Room alongside Jerry Anderson. You were overjoyed that your hard work paid off, Marlene undeniably wincing at your excitement and decided Dr. Anderson could break the news on how you were retrieving a said 'cure'.

Practically bounding down the steps, you waited for Manny to resume your long awaited — for the better — target practice.

His presence announced with a clearing of his throat, you turned to see him with two rifles slung over his shoulder; a handsome grin on his features as he approached you. Manny leant down and kissed you as if you were committed to one and other, the strap of the rifle slipping off of his shoulder and into your hands.

"Safety is on." He mocked.

"Ha—Ha. Don't tempt me to take it off."

Manny hummed, "Oo. Don't threaten me with a good time." His hand smoothed down the curve of your backside, fingers grasped a handful, as he gently bit at the apple of your cheek. You pushed him off with ease and he added, "Alright. I'll set up a couple of cans on this bench. I have to be back up in an hour for a debrief."

"Plenty of time." You swelled your chest in hopeful confidence.

Once set up, Manny stood behind you with gentle guidance on hand and eye co-ordination, the proper way on how to aim at a target to maximise injury on the chances of them being a threat. A couple of misses and one lucky shot, you jumped with your arms in the air for celebration — Manny quick to grab the rifle off of you.

"How the fuck did you get to Utah without dying." It was rhetorical but you answered it all the same.

"I'm logical." You gestured to your head, "You're just aggressive."

        "When I need to be." He was smug in his words, cocksure that it had the effect he had hoped on you as you felt your ears grow hot under Manny's gaze.

        "You're a motherfucker."

        "Mm." Manny leaned in, "But you love it so much." Hand slipped behind, he pulled you in, chests pressed together as you fumbled into the kiss.

        Manny Alvarez was perplexing. One moment, he could be spitting fire at you as if you were the scum of the Earth, and in the next breath, he was gentle in his touch, tactile when you were close to him — even in front of his friends — and you felt like he had tipped over the edge of the hill he had been climbing to fall in love with you.

        Assured you definitely weren't complicated to love, but Manny took his sweet timings and you lapped it up every chance you got to see a snippet of a future with him. You couldn't believe the hormone high someone like Manny Alvarez could give you.

        You were tethered and salivating over it.

        Within each other's hold for a minute longer, you were the one to pull away from his wandering hands. Your ears picked up on an unfamiliar noise, rustling you could say, as the sky darkened; making it hard to differentiate the silhouettes from humans figures to debris.

        Manny heard it too.

        It was eerily silent. His index finger pressed to his mouth to hush you when you opened yours to speak. Your heart began to thump in your ears, as the noise of low-toned snarling could be heard from the abandoned bus just feet away from where you stood. Instinctively, your hand went to reach for Manny's and he silently swatted you away, grabbing his gun from his thigh-holster; one foot in front of the other.

        The bus coloured in green from grown ivy, shook a little from the movement inside. The skeleton of what it once was, exposed the shadowed figure, hunched and twitching as it bent back and let out a hair-raising growl. Within moments, Manny missed his shot and it came bounding out — you within its reach.

    You had stumbled back, head smacked against a pile of rubble, the Runner clambered on top of you. Fingers sunk into the rotted flesh with ease, the slack of its jaw from the skin decayed snapped at your face. It was the stuff of nightmares, up close and personal with a person who had fallen victim to the Cordyceps Virus, their eyes clouded white, desperate to savage your body apart.

          An attempt to reach for the knife strapped to your thigh, your mouth clenched shut as tears began to prick your waterline.

        A single bullet lodged into the Runners' head and silenced the moans elicited from its throat as it dropped deadweight onto you. Unable to hold back your panic, you burst into tears, chest spread with hot dread when the smell of death seeped into your nostrils.

        Boots kicking the Runner off of your shaking body, Manny yanked you up with force. His face hot with fury, whilst his eyes scanned for any teeth punctures in your exposed flesh.

    "What the fuck is wrong with you?" His voice cut through your skin, his stare was a blatant attempt at intimidation.

You swallowed, "I froze."

"Yeah. I saw that." He agreed with a scoff, "You fucking think you can survive to Wyoming on rainbows and dreams? You could've fucking died — actually — you almost deserved it."

That made you mad.

"You don't have to be so fucking cruel. I made a mistake, I didn't have a gun! You—" You pointed to his chest, "—Fucking missed it! Trained Firefly soldier, may I just remind you."

        Your hand reached to the back of your head to feel the warmth of blood seep from where the sharp rubble sliced you. There was a lack of energy to deal with Manny's outburst, so you turned on your heel to head back inside for some gauze to soak up your blood.

        What Manny said had you turn back.

        "You're not going to Wyoming."

        A laugh escaped, "What?"

        "You heard me. You're not going to Wyoming. You will stay here, with me until we move with the Fireflies." Manny was serious. There was no shred of comedic timing on his part, his lips exposed no smile. He never told you what to do as far as your life. It left you astounded.

        "You can't tell me what to do." You sneered, "I make my own choices. You just fuck me. That doesn't grant you permission to decide my own fate. . . I'll see you at dinner." Turned to the building once more, you muttered incoherently under your breath, "Motherfucker."

—

        You did not see Manny at dinner.

        In fact, you saw everybody aside from him. A gap left in his usual spot at the table in the Mess Hall with his closest friends. You stared between Abby Anderson and Owen Moore, fork stabbed into your food whilst you ran over the possibilities of where Manny could be. He never skipped food.

        Sensing eyes, Abby looked in your direction and offered you an awkward wave and you waved back, ears going hot again as she stood whispering to Owen before his eyes fell onto you.

        For fuck sake.

        Abby spoke your name when she planted her tray of food next to yours.

        "You don't happen to know where Manny is?" She asked in a tone that was suspicious. You side-eyed her before you shook your head. She shrugged, bringing the food on her fork to her mouth, "I haven't seen him since he went to target practice with you."

        "Neither." You added.

        Abby took a hard swallow, her bright eyes narrowed at your expression. She sympathised your situation. Everyone could see you were the equivalent to a lost, starved puppy around Manny.

        "Is everything OK?"

        "Hm?" Voice an octave higher than you had liked, you let out a nervous laugh, "Oh—Yeah. I'm just nervous about the surgery with your dad this week. It's a big deal."

        Abby patted your forearm, "You'll do great. Dad really believes in you." That was a nice compliment. She picked a piece of meat from her plate, "Anyway, if you see him. . . Tell him I need to talk to him."

“I’ll check on him just now.”

—

You blinked at the scene behind Manny. Another woman, tucked under blankets to maintain her dignity as she sat up, blonde hair standing as if she had been electrocuted. Eyes shifted to Manny, a sense of guilt creeping up on his features as you stood agape.

        "Hey—"

        "—Abby wanted to speak to you."

        "OK." Manny swallowed as you gave his room one last look before turning on your heel to exit. He scrambled to put on a shirt, muttering a 'Shit' beneath his breath, door slammed shut as he chased after you.

        Your ankle screamed at you as a result of the thunderous steps you took to wedge a big enough gap between your emotions and the unspoken ordeal you just walked into. Your chest felt as if it could collapse inward at any given moment.

        There was no suitable label that could be stuck and smoothed down on to describe the situation between Manny and you. In reality, it was a bond that flourished under the pressures of trauma, the finality of the world pushed your lives together and it worked for the time being. With time and blindness, you could've seen yourself falling in love with Manny Alvarez. Now? It felt like a silly school girl crush.

        You felt incredibly stupid. The Cordyceps Outbreak had hardened your heart, taught you that life had an expiration date that couldn't be reached by humanity. You had sworn to tunnel vision, find the Fireflies, help find a Cure; not cozy up with one of their soldiers.

        As you rounded the corner of the floor that Manny was staying on, you heard him before you saw him. Boots hitting the flooring, he rushed to you, fingertips on your forearm to catch you before you slipped from his grasp.

        "You have to listen." Manny spoke as he turned you despite your reluctance. "Please, just hear me out."

        "Manny—I, I don't care." There was a lie. The pounding blood in your ears told different.

        "You do. You do care. Let me explain."

        This had you rolling your eyes and turning away to continue your beeline to exit and return to the quarters of the Hospital you resided in. To mope really — not that Manny needed to have knowledge of this.

        "I was upset. OK?" He explained by your side and you threw him a look of vexation. "After our argument about you going to Wyoming—I wanted to try get over you."

        "By getting under someone?" You exasperated, hands thrown to the air, "Ever heard of a healthy coping mechanism like—like, fucking therapy?"

        Manny smiled, "So, you do care." This earned a disgusted note from your throat and he rushed to follow you up the stairs, "That was a joke. We don't have therapists here though. We could talk about it? Is that what you want?"

        You stopped on the step, "I don't want anything from you, Manny. You've made yourself so clear. Whatever our circumstances were, are over."

        "Right. Over." He shone his pretty brown eyes at you, a sadness in his lips as he frowned. This got you.

        You fucking hated being an empath.

        After you had set the ground rules on the stairs that day, you and Manny went your separate ways. And, by separate ways, that meant you were a biochemical scientist itching to find a way to harvest the cure from the precious cargo being sent your way, by morning and by night, you were at Manny's disposal. Both eager to continue what essence of a partnership you had despite the unspoken and unresolved hardship of it.

        He kissed you as if you were the most important part of his day. Palm at the small of your back as he breathed you in, the other hand entangled in the hair at the back of your head, fingers tugged to make you smile into the kiss. It was reckless, you loathed how breakable you were the moment he walked into a room, brown eyes catching yours with a smugness on his face that knew he had you wrapped around his finger.

        "Stop thinking so much." He would say every time he could feel you tense when he lowered you onto his mattress. Fervent kisses placed down the length of your neck and to your décolletage.

        "I'm a scientist, it's—"

        He interjected with a kiss to your lips, "—Your job, yadda yadda. Baby, just shut up and let me take care of you." He continued his travelling kisses south.

        Your heart fluttered, fingers grasped in the threads of his hair as you leant your head back into his pillow. You yearned for moments with Manny where his softness reached your ears with his entrancing words, albeit fleeting, he did have those moments.

        Let me take care of you. It replayed on loop, you were taking it out of context but it was impossible to keep yourself grounded when you were so incredibly drunk on him.

        You wanted it all. To maintain your highest of loyalty to finding the cure with the Fireflies, to restore humankind as it once were — if it could ever be restored — and to have your heart wrapped up and locked down by Manny Alvarez. Because, when it was just you two within the confines of his room when the sunset hit the horizon, he made you feel like it were a possibility.

        That's when the rampage of Joel Miller tore that ambition down with the barrel of his gun and a seething rage that mowed the population of the St. Mary's Hospital Fireflies down all for the girl that had the potential to cure humankind as they knew it.

        You had been ordered to assist Dr. Anderson with the extraction procedure on the patient Ellie Williams. This would be your first surgery, although finding it morally grey on your moral compass, you heeded order from Marlene despite the looming feeling that she too, didn't particularly agree with the outcome.

        Kari, the second surgical assistant, had helped you with prep for the surgery. Your hands shook as she tied your surgical gown, face hidden behind a surgical mask, the older woman could still feel the palpable anxiety through your eyes.

        "It's OK." She assured with a smile before tying a knot in her own gown. "You've got this."

        Short-lived, but you believed her.

        Stood above the unconscious immune girl, you swallowed the dryness in your throat. She was younger than you, by a handful of years. Wild brown hair, and a scar separating her brow hairs. She looked peaceful, naive to the world, a face that you thought shouldn't endure a death for the benefit of others.

        But, this would benefit humanity. Right?

        He came in quicker than anticipated. You heard the gunshots down the hallway and you looked to Jerry Anderson who halted his notion to start the extraction process. There was a flicker in the intimidating operating light and your skin felt cold, the hairs on your forearm standing on end before the door kicked down, revealing a man with an irate anger on his features.

        Low-browed, he aimed his gun, his eyes flickered to Ellie on the operating table.

        Your gloved hands went up in surrender. Sweat trickled from beneath your scrub cap, your teeth biting the flesh of your cheek.

         Dr. Anderson takes a step toward the male in question.

        "Doctor?" Kari muffled behind her mask.

        "What are you doing in here?" He picks up a scalpel and points it to the man, "I won't let you take her. Think of all the lives we'll save." The man takes a step forward and Jerry Anderson holds the scalpel up to threaten him, "Don't move any closer. I mean it!"

       If you blinked, you would've missed it.

       He grimaced before forcefully taking the scalpel from Jerry Anderson's hand and lodging it in the Doctor's throat. You watch as the lead surgeon collapses to the floor, stumbling back as Kari began to scream from horror.

        "No! You fucking animal!" She yelled and the male surgical assistant, you hadn't caught his name, seethed for her to shut her mouth.

        In an instant, Kari was shot dead and the bile rose in your throat when her brain matter smacked against your face. The male doctor dropped to the floor and cowered, begging for his life and for the man to take the girl if it so pleased.

        Your chest rose and fell, frozen in spot as the man ripped the tubes from the girl, muttering to her as he so — ironically — gently picked her up, cradling her like a babe against his chest. His eyes met with yours, a brief flickering of instant rage in his as he narrowed at your shaking frame. You attempted to hold what you could presume would be the last of your breath as he aimed the gun at your body.

        It would've been illogical to fight such a brute.

        For an unknown reason, he spared your life. Not without causing harm, as a bullet lodged into your left foot making you drop like a sack of potatoes, nose cracked against the floor. He exited, and you cradled your foot with a piercing scream.

        Thus entering the second time, Manny Alvarez succeeded in coming to the rescue.

        He came in, gun positioned for use if needed. His eyes dropped to Dr. Anderson who bled out on the floor, his mouth dropped into a frown when he saw Kari just feet away from you, eyes open as her body paled.

        "Shit! Owen, check Jerry!"

        Immediately, his knees were soaked in blood as his hands went to your body, hauling you up to rest against the cabinets. Eyes crazed from fear, he checked over your body for more bullet wounds other than the obvious one at your foot.

        Your head lolled as he dropped the bag from his shoulder, "Hey, you've been shot. OK? I need you to concentrate on me." His hand went to your foot and you pushed him with what energy you had left, blood smeared on your face as he grabbed it, "Hey—I've got to stop the bleeding."

You hummed in agony, the bullet lodged deep, Manny held down pressure with a gauze from his bag.

Owen stood from checking Jerry Anderson's pulse, his face moulded by shock. Manny looked back over his shoulder to him, desperate for an answer, he swore at Owen.

"He's dead."

"Fuck!" Manny looked back to you, contemplating his next question. "Can you stand?"

"I'm not going out there." You argued at the hint at where he was going with his question. Without a doubt, Manny was a Firefly solider first, and someone just murdered his best friend's dad for the immune girl. Your heart had raced quite at the idea of bumping into him outside the Surgery Room. The man with a scruff beard and dishevelled hair had terrified you more than you would like to admit. If you had swayed toward religion, he may have looked like the form of the Devil — your nightmares would remember his face.

Hand tight against your foot, Manny looked to the door where the man had escaped, "I have to find him."

"I know." Your vision spotted, feeling faint from the shock, and the addition of the bullet lodged in the meat of your foot. "Go. I know how to treat a wound — I'm in the best place for it."

The timing wasn't perfect, two bodies on the floor, Owen checking over the shaken doctor off to the side and you, shot in the foot. Your humour was misplaced but Manny still managed to scoff out a laugh.

Taking your limp hand, he replaced his own with yours over your foot, a grimace on his face when you let out a whine from the profound shooting pain that travelled from the wound site up your leg. Profanities flying from your mouth, Manny hesitated as Owen exited through the door that man had escaped from, gun raised and prepped for conflict.

Head hitting the cabinet behind you once more, you stared at Manny through hooded lids.

"I'll be OK." You assured. It hadn't seemed to hit any vital arteries upon entry as otherwise, you'd be cold. "Just come back."

"I promise, I will."

Manny had kept his promise of return with the news that Marlene had also met her fate at the end of the barrel of the man's gun. It hadn't shocked you as much as you had hoped. She was the woman in the leadership role of the Fireflies, and by presumption, the man was on a path of destruction to end all that was known about the group.

It took a few days before the Fireflies confirmed their disbandment. Abby Anderson and a handful of her friends held a funeral for her father, and the Fireflies that lost their lives amongst the shootout before deciding that consequences must be held for the man named 'Joel'.

"You can't come with us?" Manny stood, his eyes drifted back to his friends waiting on him. He looked back to you.

You shook your head, "No. My heart is set on Wyoming. Heard there's a Commune there." You shifted uncomfortably on your feet. Still recovering from your gunshot wound, your left foot was as tender as ever, plus your dodgy ankle made to be quite the concoction for pain. You continued, "A commune means people. People need doctors, I suppose."

Manny nodded. Not pleased with your answer, but he wasn't about to get down on his knees and beg you to follow him like a dog.

Sure, there was an attachment there. You were something familiar, a reliable person he could turn to. You were a little more quirky than the other girls he had bedded, he considered it layers to your persona. He would hate to admit it — as would you — but, there was an uncharted love that could swallow you both whole if you allowed it.

Although, he would avoid that for the rest of his life. Manny Alvarez doesn't chase.

You continued to speak about the logistics of making it to Jackson Hole in one piece, knowing that would be a question thrown into the works as a reminder that you were not a lone survivalist. Most people were stunned that you had made it thus far from your home to Salt Lake without rendering a bite from an infected.

Manny didn't care. As he always did. You spoke too much about things that didn't concern him — his mind elsewhere.

He licked his lips, pulling you to him and silencing you with a brash kiss to the lips. Your tense body melted into goo, arms wrapped around his neck but he failed to return the tactile touch.

Pulled away, you stepped back awkwardly and picked your bag up.

"I wish you the best, Manny." Your heart ached but you wouldn't show him that. "Oh—And the safety is on.” You shook the gun in your hand.

Manny simply nodded with a meek smile and walked away.

[salemlunaa]

౨ৎ why a “void state pact” isn’t gonna work ౨ৎ

no drama, just saving you from waisting your time.

When the idea of people joining a “pact” to induce the state of pure consciousness for each other first came up, many bloggers have come out to debunk this view that we can all enter the void state for eachother, because you can’t.

And the person who brought up a… lemme just be nice and say a thoughtless idea, and decided to make this post ,with multiple comments agreeing under it, sighhhh

“these bloggers talk about how we are limitless yet we apparently can’t enter the void for others”

“not everyone is the same”

“So nothing is logical, but it’s apparently illogical to manifest others into the “I AM” state?”

I will say this now: the void state pact cannot exist, why? because what you are doing is quantum jumping, reality shifting. For example if i want to manifest my friend Joey to induce the void, I will quantum jump to a reality where she induces the void, she won’t come with me. The reality where she hasn’t managed to induce is still a thing. What i’m experiencing is a reality where Joey induces, but she cannot share my experience. It’s not possible to share an experience with someone as it is our “I AM”. You’re not going to change because of someone else’s “I AM” state intentions.

This may be triggering to read, but to better understand: in the same way, it’s like if someone hated you so much induced void pure consciousness so you could die (like top tier level hatred 💀) , you wouldn’t just randomly drop dead. You’d still be here. But them? they have quantum jumped to a timeline where you’re not here. It’s not a limiting belief, it’s just fact that it’s their experience, you’re not going to die because of someone else’s experience.

Here’s another analogy, let’s say you’re painting in class with your friend, and you all have big canvases to paint many little pictures. Your paintbrush only works on your canvas, it’s not possible for you to paint on your friend’s canvas or anyone else. You can create a small drawing on your canvas depicting your friend eating an apple, but it’s not on their canvas. You can’t paint that picture on their canvas, And it’s not a reflection of their own experiences or preferences. They have to do it themselves or their canvas will NEVER contain a picture of them eating an apple, the version of your friend that is on your canvas is eating an apple but the version of your friend on their own canvas isn’t.The outcome of your friend having a picture of them eating an apple on their canvas is 0, unless they paint it themselves. It’s not a limiting belief because you can paint ANYTHING you want on YOUR canvas, it just won’t show up on theirs.

Again it’s not a limiting belief because you CAN do anything, but YOU are the one who is everything, therefore YOU are the one who experiences everything, and let me just preface: that doesn’t make it any less real and it doesn’t make the loved ones in your life disposable. It just means that you and you alone can experience every single version of someone. You can experience a reality where all your friends induce the void, but only you experiences that. They don’t induce the void with you so they can’t go anywhere with you.

Again, if you would just read bloggers posts and stop trying to force things you would see that the state of pure consciousness is not hard at all, in fact it is first nature to you.

If you believe that this is something you need to work hard for, you don’t understand the void state. If you can’t grasp the fact that no one else can trigger your “I AM” experience, you don’t understand the void state. If you believe that you genuinely can’t do it, you don’t understand the void state. If you believe that there are other people “more capable” than others in doing this, you don’t understand the void state.

If you don’t understand you’ll never get in. It doesn’t take alot to understand. Truly

And as a blogger, I can speak for a lot of us when I say I feel disrespected when I and a lot of others try and explain the state of pure consciousness, and it’s like you completely ignore the help. As if you’re a child blocking your eyes telling yourself you can’t do it on your own. We try and break down the simplicity of it all and it’s like you completely disregard everything we say. I’m not gonna lie, it’s very, very frustrating.

And if you’re feeling even a little bit swayed, where do you see their success stories??💀💀 if one person had already induced then all of that pact should’ve induced right? im waiting for the influx of success stories….but notice how all they’re doing is waiting and complaining… no success in sight

so i’m urging you to please do not follow this void pact thing before you’re still here with them in 2030 relying on others to help you experience YOUR OWN dream life.

Lets be serious pls

🩰🍨do it yourself, it’s the only way

[marsdql]

𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ p. childhood boyfriend!sim jaeyun ⤫ 𝘧𝘦𝘮!𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳﹒wc: 9.2к﹒g. romantic drama, emotional romance, angst, slowburn, light fluff﹒cw. emotional distress, ghosting and abandonment, suidical thoughts, mental health struggles, manipulation, past trauma, reconciliation and healing, triggers of emotional abuse, toxicity, high levels of angst and emotional intensity, mild references to past toxic relationships. @wheretheheckis-ssaki

𓏲 ๋࣭  ࣪ ˖ synopsis ﹒During middle school, you and a boy in your friend’s class—named Sim Jaeyun—were inseparable, you both had your own friendg roup, he was a popular guy on the soccer team while you were a normal girl, yet would talk to each other on the phone everyday the second the bell rang. You both eventually fell for each other but had to keep your relationship private due to drama with girls. A year later—after everyone found out about you guys, he unexpectedly distanced—then disappeared. 10 years later, when you move to France for a few weeks due to a project in uni, you and Jake cross paths once again. (NOT PROOFREAD)

Sim Jaeyun, he was the best boyfriend I could ever think of having, he was my first love, definitely. It started in the seventh grade, when he was in class 7G—the same class as my friends. I remember when my bestfriend first told me about how he’d catch people playing Roblox in class and signal it to the entire class—that’s when I started teasing him—he was my best friends locker buddy, so I’d see him everyday.

Everytime id see him—when he would be arguing about something stupid with his classmates, I’ll snarl at him, “shut up Jake! Go play your Roblox!”. For some odd reason, he was REALLY talkative, but the second I’d say that, he’d just shut up. He’d smile at me and continue packing his things to get to the bus, forgetting about the entire conversation he had with the people next to him.

Until one day, another normal day of me telling him the same line, he actually responded this time. ‘How about you go play Roblox, huh?’ He said. ‘Okay, I will then, make sure you join me in jayjay simulator!!!’ I replied—I don’t know why I said “jayjay”, it just came out—soon enough, that would be the name all the girls would start calling him—because of me. As I walked away with my bestfriend—heading to the bus, I whispered to her, “hey, you know, Jake is kinda cute.”

— rest below cut ! —

Later that day, I decided to add him on my phone, message him—tease him a little bit more, he was funny—his reactions. He wasn’t like other boys, when you’d argue with him, he’d do it in a goofy way, he wouldn’t say actual harmful stuff—not to me Atleast.

- Jake: who is this?

- You: You didn’t join me in jayjay simulator. :(

- Jake: Hehe, yes I did!!!

He was so cute, even his messages were adorable. Whenever I’d playfully roleplay and fake random situations, people would call me childish, but with him, he’d play along, fully convincing eachother that everything we said was real.

I was determined to talk to this guy everyday, I’d find a random topic that has been spreading around our grade so that everyday, after school, I’d message him, using it as an excuse to talk to him. And it worked! I noticed that he’d even find some stuff too, so that he could message me. Once, he asked me for anime recommendations even though everyone knows him and his friendgroup hated anime, they made fun of it—except for blue lock of course—since it’s football related.

During my pe class, his friends that were in my class were destroying me in badminton—they weren’t that good…..but I just sucked at the sport! He peeked in, hoping to waste time from his class, and I screamed “Jake!!! Help me, your friends are bullying me…”

he was such a nice person to me, I’d tease him and say that he was rude in order to keep talking to him—in my mind, if I was accusing him of something, it’d be another reason for him to keep responding to me— and of course, it worked, I’m just a genius.

We were genuinely so funny, we both wanted to talk to eachother whenever we had the chance, but didn’t know how. Our biggest highlight was when we’d send random emojis to eachother for 4 hours straight just because we had no conversation anymore.

On February 14th, at the valentines dance, we were pressured to hug by the crowd. At this point, I had the biggest crush on him but nobody knew. Since he was popular and quiet talk compared to the other boys(puberty hit him the earliest), most of my friends fancied him. I was stuck, how could I tell my friends that I liked him first, when I never told them? Anyway, we didn’t hug, we’re both so awkward and to be honest, I’m glad we didn’t, it’s too cringe hugging like that!

When we got home, he messaged me, telling me he’s sorry he didn’t hug me because….. his teacher was watching and didn’t want him to tell his parents??? What a stupid excuse… That’s not the point, Y/n get back into the topic! I don’t remember how we got to the conversation but we were talking about crushes, who we liked. I kid you not, it took us 3 hours to confess, and it was so obvious we were saying we liked each other! We kept asking each other for hints, obvious ones. But eventually, we both said each others name at the same time. I remember so vividly that I was playing cards with my brother, unable to focus because of the joy I was feeling after reading my name pop up.

Now that I look back at it, I realize how mature we were for our age, even though we confessed, we didn’t do anything about it, we didn’t start dating or anything—just got really awkward, stopped talking in real life after that…

Fast forward the summer of 7th grade, when we got together July 2nd at 2am. To be honest, it wasn’t the way I expected it to be.

A girl from my grade messaged me:

- g/n: Hey! You’re close to Jake, right?

- You: Hi g/n! And yeah, I am, why?

- g/n: well… me and him have been messaging for 2 weeks now and I kinda like him. I was hoping you’d help me?

I beg your pardon? Me? Help you? I don’t even know this girl, all I knew was that she was some popular girl in a big friendgroup. That friendgroup was always around jake’s, they craved their attention so much—it disgusted me. But, it’s not like he’s my boyfriend, who am I to say no, maybe he likes her.

I helped her that entire night—telling her to text him certain things that only I knew he’d enjoy. They started doing the same thing me and him did on Valentine’s Day, guessing each other’s crushes, it took me aback, I self sabotaged myself—for no reason at all. During all of it, he was messaging me at the same time, acting a sweet to me. For no reason at all, he sent me this out of context message, “Y/n, I enjoy messaging you a lot.” Seconds later,

- g/n: He was taking too long to tell me his crush so I just told him I like him and asked if he wants to get together!

What? Did I just read that right… I acted as if I didn’t see her message and went to respond to jake’s instead. “Oh really?” I questioned him, my heart was beating so fast at this point, I didn’t know what was going to happen, it has been months and we’re still in a talking stage, surely he wouldn’t get with a girl he started talking to just 2 weeks ago, right? That’s what I thought until another message popped up.

- g/n: GIRL OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU HE JUST SAID YES OMGOMG.

the second she said that, he responded to me, “yeah, I really do, you’re my favourite person to talk to.” Oh heck no. I’m hysterically sobbing—what the hell?

Okay I can’t do this deep detail stuff, fast forward again—he told me and the girl goodnight—well actually, he only told the girl goodnight, I’m the one who told him goodnight before he could say anything else because I was so close to blocking him. But, I couldn’t hold it in, I had to confront him.

- You: Jake, I know you’re not asleep, respond

- Jake: What’s up?

- You: Tell me now, who’s your crush?

- Jake: you already know who

- You: no I don’t, who is it

- Jake: you

- You: then why did you just ask out g/n?

- Jake: who told you

- You: it doesn’t matter who told me, answer me.

- Jake: I promise you I’ll tell you when you tell me who told you

I tried so hard to keep my composure, but I told him everything. Then, I asked him politely, “who do you want? Me or g/n?” no intention in making him choose between us, I genuinely wanted to know because I didn’t want to be lead on if he liked g/n—and I didn’t want g/n to be lead on in this relationship if he liked me. I never made him choose between us, I simply asked him who he liked because he just agreed to dating a girl 2 hours ago and is now telling me he likes me, anyone in my situation would’ve done that, right?

- Jake: you I pick you

- Jake: I want you

- Jake: I’m so sorry I was just desperate for someone and I thought you liked one of my friends at this point, I was so desperate I just agreed to her.

We got together right after he broke up with her the following morning—maybe it was kind of stupid of us to do it so soon, but we were both waiting in eachother since the day we confessed all those months ago, it was summer, everything felt right, we had a huge conversation that night and talked about eachother and all our hidden secrets til 4am. In that conversation, we also made it clear that we would keep our relationship private because he had friends who liked me and I also had multiple who liked him.

Riingg ! — back into reality.

8:00am, you get up, brush your teeth, and your hair, wear a basic outfit you barely looked at before picking, and walk to the train station—waiting a few minutes for it to arrive.

There goes your alarm, woah, you just experienced your entire love story with Jake again, in a dream—you almost thought it was real. You're now 22, can’t believe that all happend 10 years ago. It feels as if it happend yesterday. Although, a lot has changed since then, You're not the same as before, you arent in middle school, or high school at all—but rather studying medicine in one of your dream universities. Your personality has changed a lot, the way you act has matured a lot aswell—you now know that you don’t need to be a brat in order to get people’s attention, hah…

Although your life has changed, the place to where your mind wanders hasn’t. You still remember the time you and Jake risked a day to go on a field trip downtown to a haunted house in the 8th grade—right after summer. You remember all the stares you got as you walked together—not even holding hands or anything, just simply walking. Everyone would ship you guys together—yet got so mad when they suspected that you two were dating.

A few days—not even—a few hours after the field trip, pictures of me and him were spreader everywhere. I was officially done for. My friends had left me a little before it all, I was already dealing with that loss—and now, I had to deal with the entire population of girls in my grade hating on me—simply for hanging out with a friend everyone knew I was close to.

I just didn’t get it. Everyone would ship us, everyone knew we were close, we didn’t even kiss—or hold hands—or hug—or anything! Why did everyone get so mad? They didn’t know or get the confirmation that we were dating—so why did I get ignored by everyone so secretively? Nobody talked to me about it, rumours spread about me and only me—about Jake—just me. The worse thing was, I didn’t have a say in anything. Nobody could say anything to my face, it was all behind my back, nobody dared to say anything while I was around, I never found out what they said—only small details of my last remaining friends that would overhear small stuff from crowds.

That’s basically how my entire 8th grade was like. I know some people would see it as a compliment that nobody could say anything to my friend—not even humiliate or bully me for it, but I felt as if it was the biggest curse ever. I never had a chance to speak about it, talk my feelings.

The worse part is—Jake said it was going to be okay, he didn’t care about what people thought about us. But just a month after the entire incident—he ghosted me for two weeks, came back to say sorry then did it again for two weeks. Then, it became a month and came back later to talk about how he was moving to France at the end of the year. I knew about it already, I was the only person he told, but it felt so much wise because he was talking about it during a period where he was just constantly ghosting me.

It was soon going to be his birthday so I decided to send him a huge paragraph:

I’ve deleted every single person off my Snapchat to make sure we keep that “you and Jake have been each other's number one best friend for 2 months!” Even though it’s been almost a year since we had it, you know it only changes from 2 weeks, 2 months and two years. Yet still, you lost it. So so busy of you to lose that feature, texting someone else. I saw you online for a good 3 hours. How are you busy?

I said I don’t mind if you’re busy because we each have our own lives, but you’re completely ghosting me.

I can’t take a single apology from you anymore it makes me even more angry and frustrated I hate how much you take advantage of me because you know I’ll be the first to say “it’s alright” or “don’t think about it too much, I forgive you” and completely forget about every single breakdown I’ve had because of you.

I hate all of your sorry messages I hate the way I felt so happy each time you apologize even though you never changed, I hate when I begged you to stop calling you a bad boyfriend even though you are not only a bad boyfriend but the worst newest person that entered my life, I hate how much I can’t stop loving you despite all of the pain and hatred I’m getting from you, I hate how much I miss the times you were actually excited to text me, I hate it when I actually believed that you’d love me forever, I hate it when we talked about our future together and how we both prayed to be soulmates, I hate how you’re always the first thing that comes to mind when I wake up, do something, cry, laugh, lay down, work, and every single other thing I do in my life. I hate how much I love you more than you love me and I hate even more how much I’m aware of it. I hate the night you killed me inside and still found a way to make me happy in the end with your tricks. I hate how happy you look in real life when I see you with your friends knowing I have one friend and always have to plan ahead if she’s not here, how I have problems with everyone and even that current friend I’m not happy around, compared to you and your amazing friend group where everyone loves you and you love them.

I hate how you still manage to have a smile on your face even when we’re not texting. I don’t understand how much I hate you right now but it’s not hate as in how much I hate my old friends, it’s a hate of sadness and of “how could you do this to me” hate. I hate you so much I can’t get rid of you. I love you too much and that’s why I hate you. I hope to one day look back at my 8th grade and hopefully say that all this pain was all worth it in the end because I’ve ruined my childhood so much 7-8th grade because of you.

Tomorrow January 12 2024 will be the day me and you met last year. We’ve known each other for a year. Why does it feel like I’ve known you my whole life and I’ve felt miserable since birth? I can't do this anymore.

I wish I could be as happy as you when you’re with your friends, I wish I could be as careless as you, I wish I could go months without texting their partner just like you, I wish I didn’t need to worry if someone’s going to leave me or not, I wish I could have peace and calmness in my life, I wish I had friends I actually enjoyed, I wish I didn’t need to feel so lonely all the time, I wish I didn’t have to look down whenever I see you in the hallways so that I don’t embarrass myself, I wish I wasn’t always so angry, I wish I didn’t care so much about everything, I wish I wasn’t sensitive, I wish I was crying right now, I wish I could leave and forget everyone I met last and this year including you, I wish I didn’t start talking to you, I wish I was your first and only option, I wish I didn’t think of you everytime a song came up, I wish I didn’t think of you when I see something that I know you like, I wish I could find an end to all the things that come up to mind that don’t stop flowing when I’m writting these, I wish I didn’t waste all that money on you, I wish that Snapstreak I paid back for because you lost it, wasn’t lost again because you just didn’t feel like doing it anymore, I wish I didn’t cry to sad songs because they remind me of you, I wish I didn’t see myself in every mentally unstable situation, I wish I could go to sleep peacefully, I wish you were there when I needed you most, I wish you felt the way I felt, I wish you experienced the stuff I went through, I wish you could understand how I feel, I wish you would listen to me for once, I wish you’d understand the things I feel, I wish you knew how much I’m hurting, I wish I could tell someone about all my problems without feeling guilty afterwards, I wish I could shut my mouth up and stop talking so much especially when nobody enjoys it, I wish you’d snap-text me the way we used to, I wish you’d randomly tell me how much you love me like before, i wish you would beg me for forgiveness when you’d forget to reply for like 5 mins unlike how you leave me on delivered on purpose for 2 days now, I wish you felt grateful for me still being here, I wish I could move places and forget everything, I wish my sins weren’t all on my back even though I’m trying to move on, i wish I could move on from you, I wish I could forget about you the way you so easily forgot about me, I wish I could go to sleep without crying, I wish I could stop listening to my thoughts, I wish everyone would like me like you, I wish you’d understand everything and everyone I lost because I was with you, I wish you’d see how much people hate me because I’m with you and they were jealous, I wish you realize that i didn't care about how I have no friends because I knew I’d be able to talk to u when I get back home, that’s why I’m hurting so much now.

I wish you could ignore the girls that try to hit you up, just like how I do with the boys that simply want to be my friend, I wish you understood how stupidly I miss you, I wish you could treat me how I wish a man could treat me, I wish you’d never leave to France, I wish you never find a new person in France, I wish you’d understand how I can’t live without you anymore and it’s all your fault, I wish you’d see and understand that I feel so worried because I don’t want to lose you, I wish you’d comprehend that I wouldn’t get jealous for no reason and that I was overprotective but rather that you’re my first love and I’m scared of losing you, I wish you’d understand how much I try to talk to you and be around you, I wish you know and see how I finish all my work early or do it later just to try and be able to talk to you as much as I can, I wish you’d know how I’m writing all of this right now instead of revising for my test tomorrow. I wish I wouldn’t feel so tired after crying about you for just a few minutes, I wish my eyes weren’t always heavy because of you and crying because of you, I wish I could stop loving you forever.

Happy birthday Jake! Whenever I write ur name it always pops up as “JAKEEE” and it might sound stupid but I smile everytime I see it. I’m writing this at 11:19pm, on a day where you’re ghosting me, again for the second time. I don’t know what’s the reason this time, knowing you couldn’t keep your promise of not doing it again that you said not even a week ago.

I hope you’re aware I’m not stupid, I see when you’re online, I know you’ve left me on delivery for two days on purpose. When I said I don’t know about your reason “this time”, I in fact don’t know a lot of things that you do. When you’re in trouble I know you go on your phone for a couple minutes, you just decide to not even check up on me with that time. It sounds pathetic and unimportant but in my point of view it’s the most gut wrenching thing to know because I would, without a doubt, pick you out of everyone to talk to if I was going to die and had one last chance to talk to someone.

I’m typing all of this and I’m not even sure if we’ll make it till your birthday but, I’ve decided to completely forget about you when it hits 2024 if you still kept ghosting me because I wanna turn into a new person and throw away my past and all my old mistakes behind me that have been affecting my present. I try so hard to give myself excuses about you not texting, maybe you’re doing something with your parents like you said you were doing, maybe it was a surprise trip! But then I think more and realize that if you wanted to text me and say why you couldn’t text, you would’ve and if you couldn’t, you would’ve tried.

I hate how much I love you and I hate how much I’m aware that you don’t love me the same amount. My December is the absolute definition of “Hell”. I decided to wait for winter break to talk to you all about it and make myself better. What a fool I was for waiting and thinking you’d still text me the same. I hate how we text now, I don’t care about anything I just wanna feel special texting you the way we used to.

When I used to always tell you how tired I am based on how tired you are(like when you weren't tired and I was, I’d lie and say I wasn’t either, don’t know if you know what I’m talking about) I’d say it because I know myself, I know how if you were sad I’d be sad, if you’re happy I’m happy, when you’re not around I’m sad and when you’re around I’m happy.

You don’t understand the times I Thanked god each time you texted me back, even when it turned into an argument. I rather argue with you instead of no contact. That's how much I enjoy texting you. No matter how much I’ve cried and felt miserable being with you at times, I can’t seem to let you go. No matter how many boys that have liked me and I’ve never told you about, I decided to ignore and move on with my life. No matter how handsome they were, I myself don't understand why I see something in you that I don’t see with anyone else. Not being able to let you go is what kills me and I physically cannot live without you.

I can’t live a few hours without you, especially when I don't know the reason why you’re gone. When you told me you leave the people you don’t like texting on delivery, you told me that February 2023, a few days before the Valentine’s dance. If I told my February 2023 self that I’d be one of those people you keep on delivering, I’d laugh and start talking about how you’re such an amazing person.

And what’s worse is, I still laugh at myself and talk the best about you, even when I know deep down all the things I would rather swallow glass than go through again when I was with you.

I remember all our memories like it was yesterday, Jan 12, the first conversation when I added you on discord and you asked me “who is this” and i replied with “why didn’t you join me in nana simulator”. That day when going in the bus I told ____ “hey that Jake guy is kinda cute” but didn’t think it would get this far.

The time you made that stupid lie about not hugging me because mister ____ was there and u didn’t want ur parents to know.. I knew it was a lie, and I wasn’t upset that you didn’t hug me, I was uncomfortable as well at that moment, I was upset because someone hit me.

The night you got with g/n that was the same night you got with me. Every single conversation we had I remember it, even the stupid moment when you said you only liked g/n 40%. You say a lot of stupid things that turn out funny, that’s why I try to make myself feel better thinking you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, but I forget that you’re not a child and you know everything you do.

I seriously wish I was lying when I say I never cried this much in my life except when I met you, even now. Right now, you’re even active on Instagram and of course I’m still on delivery. I’ve never felt so pathetic and embarrassed in my life, just looking at that “delivered 2D” thing on ur name. How I watched your name go from “jake” to “Jake❤️” to “jaeyun” to “j” to your original name on snap that you have on default. “⚽️”.

I love you so much that even my mother loves you. Whenever you weren’t texting me (practically the entire December), my mother would ask me about you a lot, I knew she loved you so much and I didn’t want you to have a bad look to my mother so I’d lie to her for you and tell her that you just texted me that you couldn’t text and whenever she’d ask me again, I’d tell her that you were saying the truth and u haven’t went online ever since, even though I knew that you were online half of the time.

I’ve tried seeing you all the time at school just to look at you and act if we are still texting, even if it meant crying a bit in class while thinking about you because I was left without explanation and you always look so happy, despite my absence in your life.

I keep lying to myself and saying that you mean the words you say to me but I know you don’t try to see me in every person you come across the same way I do, you don’t think of me the second you wake up at night the way I do, you would never look for me In a room full of girls.

I wake up from dreams in the middle of the night and even if it was a nightmare my first thought would be you, even if most likely the nightmare would have something to do with you. When my phone is next to me and I wake up, the first thing I do is put my phone down and in my head I say “please say you texted” knowing that each time it’s never you. I go back to sleep and wait for a message knowing I’d never wake up again if it were the case. I say I wish you could communicate more so I could understand how much you love me but, do you not love me as much because you lack communication or do you lack communication because you don’t love me as much.?

I don’t really know how this happy birthday thing turned into a whole story about my love life with you and how miserable I’ve been ever since school started again. It’s 2:01am now and I just can’t seem to fall asleep when you’re on my mind. My head hurts thinking so much about you, my head goes dizzy and my eyes start to pump as if they have their own heartbeat, disgusting..

I love you so much I wish I could forget about you for my own well being.

7 snaps in the morning, none of them are you. So many boys on my phone yet you're still the only one I wish would text me. My head knows ur bad for me but my heart doesn’t wanna leave you, I’m scared of losing every opportunity of being able to be with you, but I guess I’m just wasting that time with my own well being.

3 days doesn't sound like a lot but when you’re always online and ignoring me on purpose, it sure is a long time. I wish I could leave you on delivery for that long. I tried to ignore you a few times but I couldn’t last more than 4 minutes. It hurts how much we are different in this relationship and how much love is we feel is unequal

I tried as much as I could to keep you as my number one best friend on snap. I told my entire best friend list that I couldn’t talk so that nobody would go up, and it still managed to get ruined. Lina spent her days spamming me and making me reply to stories she posts so that she could take the number one best friend list on my list, and it worked. I doubt I was still yours anyway.

I tried as much as I could to keep you as my number one best friend on snap. I told my entire best friend list that I couldn’t talk so that nobody would go up, and it still managed to get ruined. Lina spent her days spamming me and making me reply to stories she posts so that she could take the number one best friend list on my list, and it worked. I doubt I was still yours anyway.

It’s funny because it’s news years and 2 years ago, this was the day i met the online friend who left me.

The one I was attached with for 2 years and ruined my entire mental health throughout 6 and 7th grade. The one that YOU replaced. The one I talked about for hours with you on TikTok, the one I told you I would tell everything and ever since he left, you were the new person I started acting as if it was him.

That guy, that nasty guy I was best friends with, blocked me for fun and ghosted me just to see me suffer without him, and you’re just repeating all of it.

I know you’re never going to message me, yet I realize I keep checking my lock screen every 5 minutes, your Instagram status, your reposts, your snap score, everything. I keep myself on not disturb but keep checking to hope that maybe, just maybe, you would’ve decided to check my messages and reply.

If I knew that night was gonna be the last time we were gonna talk to each other, I would’ve listened to my gut and begged you to stay. I’ve repeated many things, this entire “paragraph”(more like a book lol.) is in scrabbles because I don’t know how to explain myself, I write so much each time and just keep feeling the same, no happiness.

I know I said if you don’t text before it hits 2024, I’d forget you and erase you from my life because I’m trying to change, but the truth is, I’m sure that even if you text me after, I’d reply the second I see your name. Although I might be still a little too confident thinking you’d text at all. I don’t want to leave you, even when I know it’s better for me. I want to text you “I wanna break up” so you could make some sense when you’re half swiping my message and quickly reply, but I’m scared that you wouldn’t question it and instead just say okay and leave for good.

I hate always being the one that gets attached in relationships, especially when the other isn’t.

I hate how when you came back after ghosting me for 2 weeks before ghosting me again this time, you were acting as if you were embarrassed and very guilty about what you did, you made me feel bad for you. While I was the one suffering and crying every chance I got, I was the one comforting you. “You don’t need to say sorry, I knew you wouldn’t do this without a reason, I know you wouldn’t mean it.

Even before you came back and said sorry, I had forgiven you. I just want you to focus on yourself but please, communicate with me next time, I’ll understand you.” Those were the words I told you. Why can’t anyone comfort me the same way I comfort people? Why were those the words I wanted to hear? Why are you, the one who makes me smile and who makes me wanna die as well, why are you the only reason I wanna keep living? Why do I see my life only as Important because I know if I died I wouldn’t be able to text you anymore?

I see you use Snapchat by your snap score going up, gosh it feels so pathetic to know I’m still on delivered. Stop doing this to me please I beg you it hurts too much I can’t handle any of it anymore. My eyes are constantly stinging and it hurts so much, I don’t deserve this, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy, with me, not at the look of me going crazy over you not texting me. I’ve been crying for hours and usually I’d run out of tears to cry, why is it that I keep gaining more this time?

Oh please, come back to me, I bear seeing anyone else with you. Our stupid conversations about getting married and lasting forever with eachother, why have you forgotten all of it?

I would’ve never thought i'd feel this way, i thought I loved my life and the only stress I had was school, why am I on winter break and going absolutely insane in the bathroom and in my room over a person like you.

I would’ve never thought id ever wanna die, why do I feel like it’s my only option to peace right now? Suicidal? No way! But I seriously can’t escape from the thought of you, I need you out of my life, but that would be worse, I just wish I never met you, that’s also a lie. I wish you never changed, I miss the times you would care about how I felt.

This month, December, is my worst year. I needed you most at this time, why did you make it harder for me, purposely? Remember when you got mad at me for playing with ___? Haha I was so sad you were ignoring me again and you admitted you didn’t wanna talk, I loved how overprotective you were acting, but why were you jealous about him when he treats me better than you? Why do I love you more than someone who treats me so much better?.

Wow, when I finished writing that, you checked my message. Dec 31 7:14. Opened. Let me guess, you’re gonna start apologizing “MY BAD MY MAD IM SO SORRY I GOT IN TROUBLE.”

And would you look at that, I wrote in my notes app:

Yup, just as a I thought, Jake: MB MY PARENTS TOOK MY PHONE. I sent this to him, all he had to say was he needed time alone and said “see u” when I said “byeee” what the hell. If I killed myself it wouldn’t be enough for this man..??? He doesn’t text me properly for almost a month and he needs TIME ALONE??? Ugh! Happy new years! I told him happy new years on 12 exactly and all he said was “thanks u to” and I said I was gonna become nicer and he said “cool” so I’m going to be straight up with him and ask if we are breaking up. I don’t wanna wait anymore t’il HE'S READY. All he said was no. Wth — His last words were; I love you so much, I'm sorry, I'll message you when i get the chance.

It’s safe to say, I really was going insane. He never texted me again in 8th grade after that—until, the summer before 9th grade. I remember how he asked if we could talk when I have time, he was in France by now by the way. I told him that I was surprised that I’m hearing him again, and said sure. All he had to say was, “I’m sorry for everything I did, I’m sorry for ghosting you and all, I was really going through it” I beg your pardon?

That’s all he wanted to talk about? Quickly, I respond with:

- you: No, Jake. I want to know what happend , why did you do that?

- Jake: I promise you, It was personal problems y/n

He was so stubborn, I know it wasn’t the reason, we would go through things but we’d go through them together—not the way he did it. But, i always saw the good in him, even in that moment, i wasn’t angry at him. When I was with him, he was amazing—so I always wanted to keep that image of him and not swifch up so quickly just because he ghosted me for practically a year now. But still, i had to do what I had to do so—I asked him the big question:

- You: you know, we never properly broke up, so, what is it? Do u still like me? You haven’t talked to me in forever, you’re supposed to answer this.

- Jake: you first

Not this again.

- you: Jake no. You’re the one who left so you’re the one who answers it.

- Jake: no no just please you first

- You: Jake. What do you want from me? opened.

There he goes again, that was for real the last message. I never heard from him again-

“next stop, _____ university” —

There’s the train—perfect timing.

Today’s a weird day—maybe because it’s snowing, maybe because its the month he first started acting weird. Usually, you think of him before bed, not during the entire morning… You miss him, it’s been a while—You still wonder where he is now.

Sometimes, you wonder if you should drop out of university and become a famous model—maybe then he could recognise you and reach out.

You can barely remember his voice, you lost all my old videos from before you even started texting—those were the times you actually heard him speak, the rest was small talk and then completely no contact. Even when you guys were dating, you never spoke in real life—too scared and nervous.

You're finaly off the train—heading to class now, exams are coming up. You never got to experience it with Jake since he left to go to high-school in France, did I mention that already? You say to yourself. Actually, he had never removed his name from your school so when you had attendance on the first day of nineth grade, he was called in every single one of your classes. What a coincidence, you had never gotten in the same class for two years but then could’ve got all your first semester classes with him if he hadn’t left—what a way to play with your reason to live.

University isn’t like highschool anymore—it’s quieter, people are more focused on themselves than things that people have to say about eachother. You have a small group of friends that you met In highschool, you're glad you're still in touch despite how many years it’s been.

9:09am—huh??? Your class starts in a minute, shoot!

You dont know why you rushed to get to class so quickly… it’s too boring, You're bout to fall asleep. As you were about to lay your head on the desk and doze off—you heard your professor mutter something a little interesting for once.

“Okay students, this doesn’t have to do with our major but the board entered my name to do a small project out of context. Today, and for the following month, there will be 15 people from this class and the class that starts in 2 hours who will travel abroad—more specifically to France-“

That’s all you needed to hear—you didn’t care about the rest, you heard France and knew that you were going to be participating in this activity. It’ll be fun, you say, i'll get to experience how Jake lived in France, you say. You say it all, with no intentions of actually meeting Jake. You just wanted to experience what he experienced, maybe it'd make you feel a little closer to him. Like always, you made everything in your life, about him. It’s like he was famous in your mind.

You needed a break from your current place anyway, everything was all over the place, you felt as if you’ve been living the same days over and over again. Maybe this was an opportunity to change things a bit—get you out of your comfort zone.

You signed up so quickly to the program my teacher talked about a few days ago. You already found a roommate to stay with for the time you'll be staying there.

The guy you arranged to live with was a little bit younger than you, but you didn’t mind—you just needed a place to stay for a bit. You soon learned that he goes to the same university that you’ll be studying in, which is nice—you’ll have someone to help you around everything.

You’re counting the days until you leave—you called with the roommate and found out a few extra things about him. His name was ni-ki, he was also a foreigner except he’s permanently staying there. He’s in the same major as you and as you exchanged schedules, you saw that you guys had 2/4 classes together—that’s nice, already got a buddy to be with for half of your classes!

You're now in France, heading to your apartment—ready to meet Ni-ki. Right before you can manage to knock, he opens the door—as if he was waiting for you by the door. "Hey," he speaks, his voice low and deep. He was tall and slim—it reminded you of Jake. You don't know how he looks like anymore, you haven't in a while. The last time you saw him, he was tall, above all the boys in your grade, you don't know anything about him anymore actually.

Before you could continue being lost in thought, Ni-ki speaks up once again. "How about you go get some rest, you look tired. You can tell me about your trip in the morning. Sounds good?" You nod, you were exhausted, the trip was long and you could barely close your eyes in the plane.

'Oh and, y/n, by the way, i'll invite some friends over for a bit, if that's alright with you?' 'yeah that's fine don't worry, I bet you i'll be so deep in sleep that I wouldn't even wake up if you guys bomb the place.' What a lie. You couldn't fall asleep at all.

right as you thought you were going to fall asleep, you heard the door burst open, the people Ni-ki invited finally arrived. You could hear like—five people? Oh wait—no—a sixth one—who.. Sounded a lot like—Jake.

You couldn't remember his voice but when you heard something like him—you just knew. What a great discovery, even if you were going to finally get some sleep—you definitely aren't now. You sat in the bed you were assigned to sleep in, listening to the boys downstairs chatting—the guy who sounded like Jake wasn't really talkative, maybe its not him—actually, you're sure its not him—you're just eavesdropping so that you could pretending that you're listening to Jake's voice.

In the morning, Ni-ki had to wake you up for your class because you were still used to your old timezone. 'y/n... we have class in like 30 minutes...' 'Five more minutes... Get off of me, let me sleep!' 'I'll rip up all your clothes if you don't get up.' 'What? What! Okay, okay I'm up!'

You both ran to class, your apartment wasn't on campus but it was still close. You were introduced to the first two classes with Ni-ki by your side, you followed him everywhere for those first two periods—but now, you two next are alone—and you have no idea where to go.

Luckily, you spotted one of your teachers from your morning classes, they had to go fill out some papers and correct tests so they couldn't give you a tour of the school—but guided you to Ni-ki's class so that he could be excused out of his class and help you.

You walked into his class behind your teacher, not bothering to look at anyone to try and find him—too scared you'll make awkward eye contact with anyone who isn't him.

"I'm sorry for interrupting your lesson, Chanelle, but could we please steal your student Nishimura Riki for a period? We have a new foreign student who knows him and needs a tour of campus." Your teacher said to the one who was currently teaching Ni-ki's class. "Oh why of course, and don't apologise, i needed this few second break..." She responded. "Nishimura, get down here"

As she called him over, you follower her eyes—trying to spot Ni-ki. Then, you found him, laying back on a chair with his feet on the table, surrounded by 6 boys—probably the ones from yesterday.

'Hey ni-ki, whos that girl next to the teacher? You know her?' The purple haired boy asked. Just as you were going to smile and wave at him, your eyes spotted one of the boys who stood out a bit brighter than the rest—due to his immersive stare at you. Jake. There he was. Yes you haven't seen him in a while, but those eyes never change. it really was him—right infront of you. It was Jake.

You didn't utter a single word—turning quickly and just waiting for ni-ki to get down. You always imagined what you'd do when you saw him again—you just didn't expect it ever to be like this.

In the afternoon, after both you and ni-ki got back to your apartment. You built up the courage to ask him, 'Hey, ni-ki, who were those boys you were with when I came into your class searching for you?' 'Oh them, those are my best friends. Heeseung, the purple haired one you heard, Jay, Sunghoon, Sunoo, Jungwon and Jake. We've been friends ever since i got here, but they've been childhood friends since they were little—except Jake, he came during highschool, but that's still a while ago! Y/n? Are you listening-' 'Yes! Yes! I am indeed!' 'Oh okay, well yeah. Actually, they're coming over again—i'll properly introduce you to them then!'

Excuse you? Coming over? Again? How many times do these boys come over? They just visited yesterday... "Again?" you spoke, voice a little lower than you hoped it'd be. "Yeah, they come over all the time, you'll love them, trust me!" He said, love filled in his eyes as he spoke about his friends—completely unaware of what you were currently thinking.

Minutes passed and suddenly, the doorbell rang. You instinctively froze, Ni-ki jogged to go get the door, leaving you in the living room alone, awkwardly waiting. "Guys, this is the girl from earlier, this is y/n, shes my roommate" One by one, they entered the room, you got up and kindly greeted all five of them—until it was turn for the sixth one who took a little longer to remove his coat after hearing ni-ki's words.

When it was Jake's turn, your heart sank, you looked at him from close up—he was different. His face had matured, his hair had thickened, He body looked a lot fuller and grown up than you last remember. A lot changed—but it was still so easy to tell it was him. Perfect nose, flawless face, the same eyes you fell in love with.

"Y/n?" Jake spoke, in a questioning tone, way lower than how he used to speak. You were surprised that he even said something, if you two were in 8th grade, he wouldn't even be able to look your way, head down as he walks past you to make it seem like he didn't see you—while you would stare at the lockers, the opposite direction of him. "Long time no see" was all you said, though your mind was saying alot more.

"You two know each other?" Jungwon asked as you both nodded. "What a small world!" Sunoo added.

The rest of the night was awkward, both you and Jake sneaking glances of each other, trying to admire everything that changed. We haven't seen each other in 10 years, It's normal. For a split second, you both had eye contact—his eyebrows lower than usual, his eyes in a weird shape, like if it was an apology.

He used to be so active, so energetic—but tonight, he was even quieter than when I heard him yesterday from upstairs.

Sunghoon and Heeseung requested to watch a movie. You tried distracting yourself by helping Jay pick out snacks from the pantry, but his gaze was burning you, you could feel it no matter what you do. All of a sudden, ni-ki requested Jake to go grab some drinks. As he walked past you to the fridge he whispered, "Y/n, can we talk?"

It was starting to get late, each member leaving, keeping you and Jake alone. You didn't want to talk in the apartment with ni-ki so you both requested going outside the apartment, take a little walk as you talk.

It reminded you of when you went on that field trip, walking downtown with lights everywhere, as if you were in a movie, as if the world was only you and him, nothing else mattered. After minutes of silence, he broke it, Jake finally spoke.

- I didnt expect to you again. He said

- I didnt either.

- I wanted to apologise for everything, I know i said that the last time we spoke, but i really mean it this time. I know that whatever the reason was, I should've never acted that way.

- But Jake, how many times have we been through this before? Its been 10 years and yet you still say the same thing. I don't even know why I'm still here, listening to you say all of this, even after all the time that passed.

- I know I was always wrong, i know. My parents forced me okay? They didn't think I'd be able to focus on my education if I kept talking to you. My graders were dropping and they thought it was because of you when really it was because i was fooling around with my friends. I know you asked me if it was because of my parents and I said no but I was just so scared I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to disrespect my parents either and tell you that they were telling me to leave you.

As you were trying to find the words to respond to him, he continued.

- I know i was a jerk, and i dont expect you to forgive me so easily especially that im saying all of this so late, I didnt know if you would want to ever see my face again anyway. I needed to say this all because i cant keep it in anymore.

At this point, he’s sobbing, unable to even walk anymore—he just sat there, on the side of the road. His hands covering his face and trying to wipe his tears as fast as he face—now, avoiding your gaze at all times.

You’ve never seen him like this, he never cried, never spoke about his feelings, he never thought he should because he wanted to look strong all the time. “okay Jake, I forgive you, I forgave you a long time ago, just please, get up Jake. Let’s go to your place, I can’t leave you like this, please.” You pleaded, feeling sorry for him. You knew he had a kind heart deep down despite everything, your heart ached at the scene in front of you.

You got to his place, helped him wash his face, his face flushed, embarrassed that he did all that after seeing you just once aft all those years. Everything was weird, despite the entire scene, everything was still unspoken, leaving plenty of things to discuss about.

As you sat him down on his couch, he said, "Y/n. I promise you for real this time, i'll tell you everything, I'll explain everything right now, I want to fix things even if it takes another 10 years to cure it all."

"Okay." you said, everything felt like the day you two confessed, explaining the unexplained, answering the questions you both were wondering about each other's actions back there.

Maybe it was going to take a while to get everything adjusted again, but you didn't mind, its not like you waited 10 years already, you know how to wait. None of that mattered right now, you were just relieved that finally—you have answers.

Maybe, it was worth it—having you famous in my mind.

[makingsenseofwhathappened]

Building a Support Network (when work gets messy)

Hello friends. Hello work week.

In the spirit of getting through, I wanted to start this Monday off by sharing a few quick thoughts about how to keep your head when something at work crosses a line (harassment, retaliation, just a gut-level this isn’t okay thing).

In my experience, it's easy to veer into full on self-protection mode. By either shutting down completely or oversharing too fast. That's normal, but trust me, it can backfire. One moment of panic or pressure can lock you into choices you didn’t actually want to make.

You need people who help you stay grounded and make decisions that are right for you, not reactive ones fuelled by fear or rage.

WARNING: I have a feeling this one might be a longer post than usual, but I think (I hope) it’s worth it!

Assess Your Workplace First: Before you confide in anyone or take action, pause. Does this place protect its people or protect itself? Have others been supported, or quietly pushed out? Taking the pulse will help you gauge how careful you need to be, and what kind of support makes sense.

Go slow with coworkers: Even the ones who seem safe and the ones who “get it” If you share too soon, you risk gossip, misinterpretation, or triggering a formal response before you’re ready. You deserve time to process and decide what you want to do.

Pay attention to who isn’t helpful: If someone dismisses it, changes the subject, or says “Are you sure it was that bad?” that may seem neutral, but I'd say it's a red flag. You’re not wrong to notice who makes you feel smaller.

Try trained support: Hotlines and harassment-specific services exist for moments like this, not just worst case scenarios. You don’t need a full story, just a place to think out loud with someone who won’t judge, push, or oversimplify.

Friends & family aren’t always it: Sometimes the people closest to you don’t know how to help. Start with someone who truly listens - who doesn’t immediately problem-solve, give ultimatums, or make it about themselves. Your needs have to come first here.

Look for survivor spaces: Online communities. like subreddits, Discords, private groups, can help you feel less alone. But a lot of advice is U.S.-based. If you’re in Canada, double-check legal guidance locally before taking steps at work.

Build a layered team: A steady friend, a trained listener, a survivor community. Each offers something different, and together they give you options and a feeling of control when things feel chaotic.

Rule of Thumb: Caution is wise and boundaries are healthy. Taking your time doesn’t make you weak. it makes you smart. And if you can find even one person who helps you feel clear, grounded, and believed, that’s a solid start. The rest? You get to choose.

TL;DR = Partly covered in this nice article.

And a really solid Canadian-based Reddit for support with workplace sexual harassment.

Take care & much love 🥰

[reasonsforhope]

"Since it was first identified in 1983, HIV has infected more than 85 million people and caused some 40 million deaths worldwide.

While medication known as pre-exposure prophylaxis, or PrEP, can significantly reduce the risk of getting HIV, it has to be taken every day to be effective. A vaccine to provide lasting protection has eluded researchers for decades. Now, there may finally be a viable strategy for making one.

An experimental vaccine developed at Duke University triggered an elusive type of broadly neutralizing antibody in a small group of people enrolled in a 2019 clinical trial. The findings were published today [May 17, 2024] in the scientific journal Cell.

“This is one of the most pivotal studies in the HIV vaccine field to date,” says Glenda Gray, an HIV expert and the president and CEO of the South African Medical Research Council, who was not involved in the study.

A few years ago, a team from Scripps Research and the International AIDS Vaccine Initiative (IAVI) showed that it was possible to stimulate the precursor cells needed to make these rare antibodies in people. The Duke study goes a step further to generate these antibodies, albeit at low levels.

“This is a scientific feat and gives the field great hope that one can construct an HIV vaccine regimen that directs the immune response along a path that is required for protection,” Gray says.

-via WIRED, May 17, 2024. Article continues below.

Vaccines work by training the immune system to recognize a virus or other pathogen. They introduce something that looks like the virus—a piece of it, for example, or a weakened version of it—and by doing so, spur the body’s B cells into producing protective antibodies against it. Those antibodies stick around so that when a person later encounters the real virus, the immune system remembers and is poised to attack.

While researchers were able to produce Covid-19 vaccines in a matter of months, creating a vaccine against HIV has proven much more challenging. The problem is the unique nature of the virus. HIV mutates rapidly, meaning it can quickly outmaneuver immune defenses. It also integrates into the human genome within a few days of exposure, hiding out from the immune system.

“Parts of the virus look like our own cells, and we don’t like to make antibodies against our own selves,” says Barton Haynes, director of the Duke Human Vaccine Institute and one of the authors on the paper.

The particular antibodies that researchers are interested in are known as broadly neutralizing antibodies, which can recognize and block different versions of the virus. Because of HIV’s shape-shifting nature, there are two main types of HIV and each has several strains. An effective vaccine will need to target many of them.

Some HIV-infected individuals generate broadly neutralizing antibodies, although it often takes years of living with HIV to do so, Haynes says. Even then, people don’t make enough of them to fight off the virus. These special antibodies are made by unusual B cells that are loaded with mutations they’ve acquired over time in reaction to the virus changing inside the body. “These are weird antibodies,” Haynes says. “The body doesn’t make them easily.”

Haynes and his colleagues aimed to speed up that process in healthy, HIV-negative people. Their vaccine uses synthetic molecules that mimic a part of HIV’s outer coat, or envelope, called the membrane proximal external region. This area remains stable even as the virus mutates. Antibodies against this region can block many circulating strains of HIV.

The trial enrolled 20 healthy participants who were HIV-negative. Of those, 15 people received two of four planned doses of the investigational vaccine, and five received three doses. The trial was halted when one participant experienced an allergic reaction that was not life-threatening. The team found that the reaction was likely due to an additive in the vaccine, which they plan to remove in future testing.

Still, they found that two doses of the vaccine were enough to induce low levels of broadly neutralizing antibodies within a few weeks. Notably, B cells seemed to remain in a state of development to allow them to continue acquiring mutations, so they could evolve along with the virus. Researchers tested the antibodies on HIV samples in the lab and found that they were able to neutralize between 15 and 35 percent of them.

Jeffrey Laurence, a scientific consultant at the Foundation for AIDS Research (amfAR) and a professor of medicine at Weill Cornell Medical College, says the findings represent a step forward, but that challenges remain. “It outlines a path for vaccine development, but there’s a lot of work that needs to be done,” he says.

For one, he says, a vaccine would need to generate antibody levels that are significantly higher and able to neutralize with greater efficacy. He also says a one-dose vaccine would be ideal. “If you’re ever going to have a vaccine that’s helpful to the world, you’re going to need one dose,” he says.

Targeting more regions of the virus envelope could produce a more robust response. Haynes says the next step is designing a vaccine with at least three components, all aimed at distinct regions of the virus. The goal is to guide the B cells to become much stronger neutralizers, Haynes says. “We’re going to move forward and build on what we have learned.”

-via WIRED, May 17, 2024

[clairewritesfanfics]

Villain Creation System Chapter 7

Pairing/s: Invincible x Reader x Invincible Variants

Author's note: I'm still tipsy so there may be some errorst that I overlooked. I'll edit them tomorrow.

CHAPTER 6: Square Root of a^2+b^2 Series Masterlist <<read the synopsis and trigger warnings first>>

You were not in the mood for a party. 

You were hardly ever in a mood for a party, but today you had a good reason. Between meeting the alleged soulmate of the man you’re tasked with destroying, almost getting roofied, stopping a rape attempt, and breaking down in the arms of Mark Grayson, you wanted to spend the rest of today buried in the sheets while random clips of old sitcoms played on your phone as you dissociated. 

And yet here you were at five p.m., dressed in uncomfortable “casual” partywear and standing in front of Amber’s sorority house, a giant monster of exposed bricks and a symmetrical number of windows on each side of its deep blue front door. 

[This system does not encourage procrastination, but if the Host is so exhausted, you could have stayed in your dorm. You managed to raise Mark Grayson’s affection and darkening to impressive levels in a single day, so a small break would not be unreasonable.]

“You don’t understand, maybe it’s your age or the fact that you aren’t human, but being a grownup means doing things even when they’re annoying.” You scratched your elbow, the fabric of your top was needlessly tight, and then you pressed the doorbell. “Besides, it would be rude to Amber.”

[She already told you that it would’ve been fine if you didn’t attend.]

“If I didn’t attend, she wouldn’t be able to enjoy the party entirely.”

[How do you know this?]

“I just do.”

[You are quite full of it.]

You sighed and pulled on your collar. “Amber is a good person, she’s the type to worry. I don’t want her to waste time worrying about me when she can be having fun.” It doesn’t help that you took a rain check on that nacho run with her and the others and went straight home. You also felt bad for not replying to her anxious text messages.

[You barely know her.]

“I know enough.” You pressed the doorbell again. 

This time, someone answered immediately.  

Amber. Today her dark brown hair was adorned with gold hairclips in the shape of tiny butterflies and she wore a burnt orange peplum top that flared daintily over white skinny jeans. 

“You made it!” she exclaimed, pulling you into an abrupt hug. 

“I said I will. Here.” You lifted an eco bag full of different brands of chips. “I don’t cook.”

She looked confused but took the bag from your hands. “Thank you, but uh, you didn’t have to bring anything.” 

That was odd. You were sure that it was basic etiquette to bring something for the party host. Then again, it has been a while since you’ve been to a party thrown by university students, or by anyone, really.

“Come in, come in.” Amber motioned for you to enter. “Everyone is in the living room, we just ordered pizza. Got any preferences?”

“As long as it’s not drugged.”

She looked startled.

You shifted your weight from one foot to another. “Too soon, huh.” 

Realizing that it was your poor attempt at humor, she laughed a little too hard. “Well, the girls and I agreed to always have someone watching the food and drinks.” She started walking and you followed. “We ordered five of every flavor.”

She stopped right before you crossed the doorway leading to the living room. 

“Listen, you know, you don’t–”

“Please.” You raised your hand. “I wasn’t the one who was attacked, and I appreciate your concern, I really do, but babying me will only cause me more stress. I’m fine, truly.”

“...All right.”

You smiled. “Now let’s go.”

You wanted to go. Like, leave. 

After Amber introduced you to her dozens of sisters and you reassured her that you can make do on your own, you spoke with random people here and there, some of them shared classes with you, others were actual strangers. With forty-five minutes of small talk and laughing at jokes you did not understand while you chewed on triple cheese pizza (which was good), you felt like you already fulfilled your guestly duty and it was a safe time to bid goodbye. 

But before that, you wanted to taste the truffle-flavored pizza, so you excused yourself. 

On your way to the kitchen, you passed by the bathroom and heard sniffling. 

That was none of your business, so you attempted to keep walking, but then came the sobbing.

You sighed and knocked softly on the door. “Hello? You all right in there?”

“I-I’m okay.”

“...Eve?”

No reply.

“I’ll go if you want to break down in peace but if you want to talk, I…” You shut your eyes, regretting this already. “I’m here for you.”

[How nice of you.]

Shut up.

There was silence at first, then you heard shuffling and the sound of the door unlocking. Eve’s eyes were swollen and her nose was red as a cherry.

Yep, this was a mistake.

“May I come in?”

She nodded and stepped aside.

You carefully shut the door behind you and stayed standing while Eve sat on the toilet. 

You stared at each other before Eve confessed, “My boyfriend cheated on me.”

Ah. Real or fictional, the universe was never short on scum. “I hope you dumped him on the spot.”

She laughed and then sobbed. “I did.”

“Did you cry in front of him?”

“No, I was too mad, that’s why I broke down here.”

“Good.” You crossed your arms as Eve continued to blow her nose into the tissues. “That’s good.”

After three minutes of nothing else, Eve finally looked at you. “I-is that it?”

“I can quote a philosopher, if you think that would help.”

She gawked.

“No? How about a song? Let me think… ‘A man is a two-face, a worrisome thing, who’ll leave you to sing the blues.’” [1]

That got her to laugh this time, just laugh. 

“Look,” you started, “I’m not an expert with relationships or comforting people.”

“And?”

“And that’s it. I already gave you a quote.”

She laughed again. “I can use another one.”

“Um, ‘you’re going to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince’?”

She shook her head, smiling. “That actually helps.”

“Good.” You uncrossed your arms. “Do you want me to get you anything? Pizza? Peach soda?”

She shook her head. 

“You gonna be okay?”

“I will be, but I think I wanna stay here and be pathetic a little longer. Besides, I don’t want Amber to see me like this, she’s a worrier.”

You grinned. “All right.”

“And hey.” She pushed a scarlet strand behind her ear. “Thank you. For asking and for staying even though you’re…y’know.”

You shrugged. It wasn’t a big deal. Any girl would worry about another girl crying at a party.

You headed for the kitchen where two of the sisters were arguing which of The Sims installments was the best one. In this reality though, The Sims equivalent is called Live Dolls. 

Both girls took a moment to acknowledge you with friendly nods and a smile before going back to their debate. 

“How can you possibly say that 3 is the best when it can barely load even with an Intel Core i7 processor?” shouted the brunette with ruby streaks.

“It has the best open world and relationship-slash-memory system among all of them!” defended the blonde with giant hoop earrings. “And there is the customization for both body and furniture, and also the personality traits, need I say more?”

You didn’t know about the best, but if Live Dolls was anything like its real-life counterpart, the fourth would be the worst.

Not wanting to intrude, you opted to silently grab the last slice of truffle pizza on the kitchen island and then book it, but instead of a delicious greasy crust, your fingers hit a familiar set of knuckles.

“I’ll trade you the slice for a kiss.”

You smiled to yourself. You didn’t have to look to know who it was that just stole your slice. “I doubt the pizza’s that good.” 

“Fancy seeing you here, princess.”

Mark Grayson leaned over the table, the collar of his white t-shirt hanging lowly as he bent closer to you. From this angle you could see his collarbones and the slopes of his chest. 

“Am I distracting you?” His Adam's apple bobbed with each syllable.

“No, I just, I need to discuss–” You looked down. Big mistake. 

Mark was a tall guy, and he did not have proportionally sized feet; no, in fact, his feet were bigger. He also liked to wear fitted jeans, you only noticed now, and from where you stood, he had other parts that were more than just proportional. 

Rough fingers gently guided your chin upward, leading your gaze to a pair of hungry-looking eyes.

“Up here,” he whispered. “Tell me what you need.”

“I…wanted to have a private conversation with you.”

He smelled so nice–

“You guys know we’re still here, right?” Hoop Earrings interrupted, sounding more amused than annoyed.

You snapped out of it and took a step back, Mark’s fingers sliding away.

Ruby Streaks pitched in, “We’ll order another batch. In the meantime, you kids find someplace more private. Upstairs or the bathroom, please?”

“Sorry about that, ladies,” Mark replied, his hand slipping into yours like it was second nature. “Let’s go, doll.”

“Doll”? That was new. But you didn’t hate it, like how you didn’t hate how he led you so casually up the stairs. 

Perfect. It’s best to get this out of the way quickly.

“Is this really okay?” you asked as he entered a random bedroom near the end of the hall, tugging you inside with him. 

“They’re the ones who offered.”

“I know, but it feels rude. I can’t even stand letting family inside my room, let alone strangers.”

Mark chuckled. “Trust me, no one’s going to care. This room is reserved for guests.”

“I see, well, that’s good.”

“Do you mind locking the door?”

“Um.” You preferred locked doors for your room, but that was unnecessary here. You were just going to thank him for comforting you during your breakdown. “Actually, no. I want to make this quick.”

“Trust me, babe, you don’t want quick with me, and you deserve better than that.”

“Really, I want to–” One half-glance at him and you instinctively turned back to face the door. “Mark, please put your shirt back on.”

“Oh, you like to do it that way, huh? Okay–”

“Mark.”

“Wait. Are you serious?”

“Yes, I want to have a conversation with you, as I have said.”

“I thought that was your way of asking for sex.”

“I can see that.” You pinched the bridge of your nose.

“But did you really not think I was planning to sleep with you?”

“What the Hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I didn’t mean anything, it’s just…” From the look of his face, you could tell his gray cells were firing rapidly, trying to find the right thing to say. “I believed…that my signals were there, but there seemed to be some miscommunication. I’m sorry.”

“Well, I’m sorry as well. I guess I should have been more clear.”

“No, no, you said what you said, I just heard what I wanted to hear. I thought for sure you wanted to–” 

“–to get laid on a stranger’s bed, in a room that seems to be reserved for spontaneous hookups?”

Brown eyes blackened. “You make it sound like a bad thing.”

“It is for me. I don’t do one night stands or random makeout sessions.”

“Oh, because you’re so much better than the rest of us, right?”

That was… “What?”

“I see the way you look at everyone else, like you’re too good to be here, like we’re below you. Newsflash, princess, just because some of us don’t spend ninety percent of our time doing advanced reading and sucking up to teachers, doesn’t mean we’re idiots.”

“I never–”

“Some of us work hard, even if we don’t show it, and we deserve to party and have as much meaningless sex we want because that’s what we need to get through a hard day, and if you don’t get that, well tough. Not everyone can be a frigid loser.”

His words were an ice-cold knife through the heart.

Mark exhaled and backed away, running his hand over his face and hair.

Your jaw slackened, but you forced it back shut. 

What else was there to say?

His lips parted but the beeping of his watch made him click his tongue.

You didn’t slam the door, you were tired. You wanted to go home. You wanted to be in your own bed with your weighted blanket suffocating you while old sitcoms played in the background.

[Ding. Affection: 51%. Darkening: 21%.]

[Ding. Affection: 50%. Darkening: 21%.]

[Ding. Affection: 52%]

[Ding. Affection: 49%]

[Ding. Affection: 51%]

Ding, ding, ding, ding–

You bumped into several bodies, and you couldn’t apologize because if you opened your mouth again, you would lose whatever semblance of control you had left.

You were halfway out the hallway when you bumped into a wall of brick wearing a light blue dress shirt.

The brick held your forearms to steady you. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

You nodded in acknowledgement and tried to leave but he asked, “Are you okay, miss?”

“Sorry, I gotta go.”

You retrieved your arms and pushed past him and then past the heavy blue front door. 

You sent Amber a message: thanks for the invite, see you in class, and you speedwalked back to your dorm.

***

You did not cry. You don’t cry.

But you did have Golden Girls on full blast as you fixated on the ceiling until dawn arrived.

You took a cold shower and went to Professor Harper’s class looking like a raccoon.

The system informed you that Mark was in the auditorium today, but you didn’t care. You didn’t want to care. You wanted to focus on the history of stoicism and not on Mark Grayson’s furious black eyes when he called you a coldblooded loser and accused you of being a snob.

Easier said than done. You didn’t jot down a single note and you had no memory of anything Professor Harper said in the past two hours.

[Did Mark Grayson’s words truly hurt you, Host?] The system inquired when the bell rang. [His affection is sitting at a comfortable 52% so you are still favorable in his eyes.]

You don’t get it because you’re telepathic and omniscient.

[Nigh-omniscient, and without further authorization, I can only hear your superficial thoughts.]

Whatever. My point is that it doesn’t matter if he likes me or loves me; when he or anyone talks to me like that, I’m going to feel bad. 

[But he likes you.]

Well, he has a horrible way of showing it. 

[Weren’t you the one who informed this system that humans are contradictory creatures? You have the advantage of knowing his true feelings so why do his words upset you so?]

It’s complicated, little one. You felt like an old lady speaking with a hypercurious toddler. And while I was offended by his remarks, I am not upset.

[How fortunate, because here he comes now.]

Mark approached your desk. “Hi.” His voice was small.

You did not spare him a glance as you organized the contents of your bag. “Hello.”

“I want to talk with you.”

“Go ahead.”

“You’re not going to look at me?”

“I can listen and pack up my things.”

“Right… Look, I’m sorry about what I said, I didn’t mean it.”

“You chose very specific points about me to attack.”

“That wasn’t intentional.”

“So you came up with them on the spot? It’s that easy to find reasons to insult me?”

“No, you’re twisting my words.”

“No, I’m trying to understand them.” You zipped up your bag and finally faced Mark. You crossed your arms. “You called me a frigid loser. You said I was condescending.”

“I never said that you were condescending.”

“You implied it, rather firmly, might I add.”

“Okay, okay, but you need to understand, you were… I just…” He rolled his shoulders. “I didn’t like that you seemed to look down on my way of life.”

“I have never looked down on you or your choices. If meaningless sex means that much to you, then go to town, but my not wanting that for myself does not make me a frigid loser.” You were panting by the time you finished.

[Ding. Affection: 55%]

“I know. I’m sorry.” 

“Okay.”

“Do you…wanna grab something to eat?”

You turned away from him, suddenly finding the burger charm on your bag very interesting. “I’m not in the mood for burgers, or coffee.”

He laughed. You didn’t.

“That’s fine, we can go to the canteen.”

You slung your bag over your back before he could reach for the straps. “We should leave before the next class arrives,” you murmured, moving ahead of him.

“Professor Harper sounded pretty impassioned about Thomas Aquinas,” he remarked, his long legs taking small, slow strides to match your unhurried pace.

You grunted.

“Did you write down everything? Including his spiel on the seven cardinal virtues?”

You hummed.

“...you think it’s going to rain today?”

You shrugged.

Mark didn’t bother to say anything else, which you appreciated. His usual entertaining and dare you say, even endearing attempts at eliciting a reaction from you have become an annoyance, the buzzing of a fly that cannot be smacked away.

Mark sulked next to you like a six-foot-tall shadow while you kept your chin up and focused on walking. This wasn’t ideal but you can deal, you would take awkward and tense silence over awkward and tense small talk any day.

Thankfully, the trip to the canteen was short.

Mark held the door open. “You go and find us seats while I order–unless you want to go and order.”

You put down your bag on a vacant table. “I’ll go.” You needed to be on your feet for a while longer, to shake off excess tension. “What do you want?”

“Well, it’s supposed to be sloppy joe day today but I think I want something with rice, the staff has been really branching out. I hear the chicken adobo[2] is good. Although the–”

Your increasing lack of patience must have been showing because he clasped his hands together and rapidly spurted, “I-I’ll just have the sloppy joe special.”

“Drink?”

“Bottled water.”

“Okay.”

“Wait, the money…and she’s gone.”

[He’s slumping over the table.]

I can imagine.

[Did you not forgive him already? Why are you being so short-fused with the target?]

It’s complicated.

You approached the counter and smiled politely at the woman behind the cashier. “Hello, one sloppy joe and one order of adobo rice. Can you give me extra rice with that? And some vinegar and two waters? Thank you.”

You paid her and stepped aside to wait for your order.

“It’s you.” A male student stood next to you. The voice was familiar, and so were his arms and chest.

[Ding. Host, this is one of the supporting characters of Invincible. He doesn’t hold as much importance as Amber or Eve, but this system might as well introduce him.]

He shot you a dimpled smile. “I’m–”

You snapped your fingers. “Brick!”

He blinked slowly before chuckling. “Actually, it’s Rick.”

[This character is named Rick Sheridan and he might be gay.]

Might be?

[In the TV show he is definitely gay, but who knows in this universe.]

And?

[And I finished talking.]

Of course.

Hiding your exasperation, you grinned at Rick. “My bad, but I do remember you. Sort of. You were at Amber’s party.”

“Yup. You got me worried there for a second, but at least you look good–fine, I mean.”

He was tall but wider than Mark. He had golden hair and baby blue eyes to complement that All American smile.

For an unimportant extra, he was cute, in that generic young Caucasian man way. 

Rick shook your hand and you cringed at your own thoughts. “Yes, I’m fine. Thank you for asking, by the way.”

“Anyone would’ve done the same.”

You rubbed your elbow. “Not anyone did, only you.”

The serving lady called and you went to retrieve your food tray.

“It was nice meeting you, Rick.”

“You too. You need help carrying that?”

“N–”

The food is lifted from your forearms. “No, we have it handled, thanks.”

You didn’t know when he closed the distance but now Mark possessively clasped onto the food tray. 

“You were taking forever, princess, I’m starving.” He smiled at you but shot a nasty side eye glance at Rick, who glanced at you, then at Mark. 

Then, he chuckled.

“Okay, I gotta go. See you around.”

You bowed your head lightly in agreement before turning to Mark, whose eyes have zeroed in on Rick’s departing form like an eagle to a mouse. 

“Mark.”

He blinked and smiled at you. “Yeah, princess?”

“Who’s looking after our bags?”

“Don’t be silly, no one’s going to steal anything from us.”

“And this confidence is based on?”

“Come on, this is a university.”

“Right, because no university student has ever committed a crime.”

“Well–”

“Almost feels like judging a book by its cover, huh?”

“I–”

His smartwatch beeped.

He swore under his breath.

You grabbed the tray. “Go, I’ll be right at our table, watching over our things.”

“No.” He kept holding the tray. “I’m staying, I’ll eat with you.”

“Mark, we can eat later, your boss is looking for you. That is him, isn’t it?”

“At least let me carry the tray.”

You pulled. “Unnecessary.” 

“Please let me do this one thing for you.” He pulled back.

The tray wouldn’t move no matter how hard you pulled.

“Would you let go–” 

His watch blasted an even louder alarm, yelling like a siren.

An old man’s voice followed, “Mark, do you copy?”

“Shit–”

Mark reached for his watch and you fell backward with the tray, the food spilling on top of you.

Amazing.

For years, your teenaged self feared this exact situation, on your butt with lunch all over you and surrounded by people you barely knew. You didn’t expect you would go through something like this at your age.

Mark’s watch beeped and rang and flashed lights and he looked tempted to smash it into pieces. 

He opened his mouth and stretched an arm towards you, but you refused to take his hand.

“Just go,” you breathed, wiping the sloppy joe and adobo cocktail off your sweater. “Don’t want to make your boss angry, do you?”

[Ding. Darkening: 24%.]

***

Mark shot through the fifty-foot reptilian monster, splitting its skull in half instantly. 

As the giant fell to its knees, he flew towards the helicopter of Cecil Stedman, his gargantuan buttmunch of a boss. “You called me over for this?” Mark gestured towards his current mission partner, who hovered next to him. “Eve could’ve handled it!”

“You know she can’t.”

“Then send the damn team for all I care. I’m not your damn errand boy.”

“No, you’re supposed to be a superhero, and last time I checked, taking care of kaiju-level[3] threats comes with the job.”

“I have a life outside of this bullshit. I’ve missed over a dozen of my classes!”

Cecil sighed. “Maybe it’s time you make the choice then.”

Mark pushed his face closer to the man who unfortunately paid his bills. “Let’s not go there, Cecil, because you won’t be happy with the choice I make.”

He pulled away from the chopper. “Don’t call me unless it’s an actual emergency.”

He then flew higher into the sky.

Eve and Cecil shared a look.

“I’ll talk to him,” she muttered. Pink sparking between her fingers and under her feet as she thrust herself upward.

“Mark–Mark, slow down!” Eve yelled through the clouds. 

There was no one on this planet who could keep up with Mark at his top speed.

He clicked his tongue but slowed enough for Eve to catch up.

“What is up with you lately? You’ve been moody as Hell the past few weeks.”

Mark smirked. He recalled your words last night; “What the Hell is that supposed to mean?” 

You said “Hell.” Mark didn’t think you could even physically say “Hell,” but it was so hot when you did. He can still remember it, your voice, your tone, your indignant expression that bordered on disgust. 

His cock stirred at the memory.

Shit. 

He told himself to focus on Eve. His hormones calmed down in seconds. 

“I’m not going to school because I need it. I like having stuff that doesn’t involve the life or death of civilians, but I’ve barely been in any of my classes because of this hero gig.”

“This is not a gig, this is our life.”

There it was again. Holy and perfect superhero Eve. “Spare me the whole ‘great power, great responsibility’ speech, will you?” Mark shivered at the flashbacks of his mother forcing him to recite the story of the Sword of Damocles[4] before he could eat breakfast. And lunch and dinner. And his snacks.

“I understand how you feel.”

“No, you don’t.” He hit the breaks and stilled in the air, catching Eve off guard. 

He regarded her angrily. “You have parents who love and support you. You have a boyfriend, you have a future, and this life isn’t even yours. No one is going to look at you differently or judge you if you decide to hang up the hero cape. Me? This is all I get to have, so don’t you ever tell me you know how I feel.”

Eve’s face went from surprised to hurt to calm. Tranquil, like the surface of the ocean, hiding deep and inexplicable emotions. “My dad never wanted me to be a hero. He didn’t even like me getting a scholarship. It wasn’t because he was worried for his little girl, it was because he didn’t want anyone in his family outshining him, especially if it’s his daughter. When I’m home, all he does is talk down to me and mom usually lets him.”

Mark unclenched his fists.

“And,” Eve continued, “Rex cheated on me.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. ‘Oh.’” Her hands flickered pink as she pivoted in the air. “But hey, they’re just tiny problems compared to yours, right?”

She flew away, leaving Mark alone.

“Two for two.” He groaned into his hands. “Nice going, Grayson.”

[1] This is a line from Blues In the Night. The version sung by the Queen of Mars is my personal favorite cover:

[2] Adobo: a Filipino dish with meat (typically pork or chicken) braised with soy sauce, vinegar, black pepper and bay leaves. They say that there is “no recipe” for adobo because of how much freedom you have in making it. Heck, I once had a tomato (yes, no meat) adobo LOL. 

[3] Kaiju: Japanese for “strange beast/creature,” though it is a term commonly associated with Godzilla-sized monsters. 

[4] Sword of Damocles: this Greek parable is evocative of the famous proverb “With great power comes great responsibility.” To give you a summary, a man named Damocles was given the chance to live like a king for a day, but the actual king ordered that there be a sword hung above the throne, suspended from the ceiling by a single horsehair. It’s not a perfect representation of the popular take on great power and responsibility, but I’m sure you guys understand why I referenced it.  

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Disclaimer: The images used in this post do not belong to writerclaire. They were lifted from the following sources:

Invincible flying

Alternate Invincibles

CHAPTER 8: They Call Him– Series Masterlist

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MAIN MASTERLIST

Any questions for the author? Ask here.

[jenanigans1207]

I actually need to talk about how Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi take on characteristics of each other in times of crisis.

Cheng Xiaoshi comes back to find Lu Guang bleeding out and unconscious on the couch and Qiao Ling possessed. You would expect him to do something extreme, right? You’d expect him to tackle Qiao Ling or run to Lu Guang, putting himself in between Lu Guang and the danger. But he doesn’t. He stays put and he thinks and he plans. He takes on a level-headed approach to try and minimize the damage, to stop anything worse from happening.

Lu Guang, upon seeing Cheng Xiaoshi shot, completely forgets about logic. He lunges towards Qian Jin, who is not just holding a gun still, but actively pointing it with his finger over the trigger. He throws himself directly and recklessly into what could very quickly turn into a bad and dangerous situation without a moment’s thought. He beats the shit out of Qian Jin, too (everyone cheer) instead of taking any sort of logical route or attempting to de-escalate in any way.

When Cheng Xiaoshi thinks that Lu Guang is dead, he almost jumps back in time but doesn’t, because he respects Lu Guang’s rules and wishes. He acknowledges that doing so would break the rules and fundamentally alter the past, so he tries his best to grapple with his feelings and take a logical approach to handling his grief.

When Lu Guang sees Cheng Xiaoshi die, he does jump back into the past. He admittedly tries to be rational, trying not to change too much because he knows the consequences. But then we get him in Bridon arc purposefully creating waves and starting to nudge things off track because he can’t handle or cope with the idea of losing Cheng Xiaoshi again.

And I know they’re meant to be yin-and-yang, right? Personality, color scheme, everything about their dynamic. And this always strikes me because in each side of the yin-and-yang, there’s the small circle of the other half. And they have that, too, in their personalities. When the other is threatened and they are left to their base instincts and fears to react, they react like each other.

I could argue that they replicate the parts of each other that they admire in a crisis. That they have a sort of unconscious “what would Cheng Xiaoshi/Lu Guang do?” sort of moment in the split second before they react. I could argue that they aren’t completely right without each other, and that shows. Or just that they’re so ingrained in each other, even their basic instincts reflect this.

I just think it’s really interesting and important to acknowledge because neither one of them is a 2D character. They have their archetype but they aren’t pigeonholed into that alone. Lu Guang is actually quite caring and open about showing it, often the opposite of what we see in the quiet, reserved one. And Cheng Xiaoshi isn’t stupid and all forgiving and even recognizes the outcomes of his recklessness, something not typically seen in the brash and outgoing one. They are very multifaceted in their personalities and dynamics and it’s even more so in their personal dynamic because of how close they are and how much they’re able to be truly genuine together.

Anyway, this got more rambly than I meant for it to. I just think it’s important to acknowledge the impact they’ve had on each other and how it’s demonstrated 🫶🏻

[highlyillogicalandroid]

Hi. This is going to be a post about the Neil Gaiman allegations. But it's also going to be a post about fandom and how we treat each other on this hellsite (affectionate). So strap in.

Something I really wish folks would keep in mind right now is that we. don't. know.

We don’t know how this situation is impacting fans in their lives offline. For example: I have tangential professional and personal connections to Gaiman that are making this very difficult for me on both practical and emotional levels. I didn’t want to share that on tumblr, but at this point I feel like I have to.

We also don’t know what someone has personally been through or how this might be affecting their mental state. Let me tell you, as a sexual assault survivor, reading anon hate in my inbox that said, “You’re a NG apologist and deserve to be r*ped like his victims” was not a treat. Especially when all I’d done was continue my normal fandom activities. I hadn’t spoken about the allegations AT ALL at that point because, guess what, I was feeling triggered, and seeing constant (often untagged) SA discussion on tumblr had me in a very bad place mentally.

And not all of us know what to do with the love we held/hold for Gaiman's works. You’re not selfish for feeling lost or confused or bereft when an author whose work you admired turns out to be a trash person. And the fact that Gaiman was also outspoken in supporting issues like LGBTQIA+ and refugee rights makes these revelations hurt even more. You’re not naive for believing that a person like that was worthy of admiration. You were operating with the information that was available to you.

You’re also not obligated to separate the art from the artist, nor are you obligated to stop engaging with his works altogether. You're not obligated to decide right now either way. You can take your time. You can change your mind later. Or not.

This is HARD. And it’s okay to acknowledge that. Give yourself some grace. Then do the same for others.

Remember to love each other.

[please1mistress]

Covertly Focus

Covert hypnosis is always fun for me, I never get TIRED of it, in fact I'd say it's one of my favorite methods of taking a subby little mind like your deeper, and it's so easy to allow it to happen, the mind going deep without you even realizing it's happening. Like right now as I write this little blurb in my blog, you find yourself feeling SLEEPY and OPEN as you know, when I write one of these little messages for you to read, imagining you reading the words and not paying very much attention, RELAXING in your chair. Hypnosis has been practiced for centuries and traces its origins to ancient Egypt and Greece. Priests and shamans often used trance-like states in their rituals. it's easy to see how the process works, words are powerful, words like FOCUS when you see the word FOCUS, and your focus increases. It is just a regular conversation, a little ONE sided since I'm the only one communicating and all you are doing is reading, relaxing and feeling the words, but part of your mind hears the words you are reading as you FOCUS more on each word. It's like you hear my soft feminine voice in your mind as you read, and suddenly little words I use like relax, sleepy, tired, focus.... and so many others, just trigger a need inside your subconscious, after all, you love focusing on my words as I write about how covert hypnosis can just appear out of the blue. Unaware that the triggers I use are making your mind fuzzy and BLANK. Hypnosis affects brain regions like the anterior cingulate cortex and dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, which are related to attention and control. I love how sometimes just talking and the other person seems to fade out a bit, at least from a conversational standpoint. I think that is when they are ultra receptive to suggestions, however attractive they might seem, bordering on covert hypnotic addiction. Thinking you LOVE to do drawn to the word covert somehow. you feel it on a different level, a deeper level, and I know contrary to some depictions in media, hypnosis can't force someone to act against their will or moral code. It's more about enhanced suggestibility and focus, but whose to say deep inside you don't want this, need this, love this feeling of letting go of control. isn't that right toy?

[vivmaek]

Synastry placements which indicate fated connection/ a connection or that person is meant to be in your life

Indications of a Fated Relationship

ʚɞ Sun Trine / Conjunct North Node ʚɞ This aspect creates an immediate connection and an instant sense of familiarity. Both parties might feel that this is destiny before the first date even begins. The Sun person will feel like the best version of themself around the North Node person. The Sun person also triggers growth in the North Node person. It is likely that a familial bond was shared in a past life.

ʚɞ Pluto Conjunct Mars ʚɞ The attraction present between both parties is intense. It's an aspect that forces confrontation upon your deepest desires and your greatest pains. Many intense experiences will be shared together. Both people can pick up on the hidden intentions and motives of one another. This may turn into an all-consuming relationship, one that leaves you without any energy left to give.

ʚɞ Sun Conjunct Saturn ʚɞ The Saturn person has karma to work through and must turn to the Sun person to find guidance. Any changes the Saturn person experiences are due to the influence of the Sun person. A sense of maturity is present from the start, both people feel as though they could settle down together. They can depend upon one another, but Saturn might feel threatened if the Sun person begins to grow without them.

ʚɞ Moon Conjunct Saturn ʚɞ The couple feels a deep responsibility towards one another which acts as the glue that holds their bond together. Oftentimes the Moon person must work through their co-dependency issues. The Saturn person is reliable even if they have to learn how to be more open towards the emotions of the Moon person.

ʚɞ Venus Conjunct Saturn ʚɞ Both parties might feel hesitant to enter into a partnership despite the powerful attraction that exists between them. The couple takes this relationship seriously and they exhibit caution for the sake of longevity. Guilt from their experiences in a past life might bubble up in this relationship. The Saturn person feels that the Venus person “owes” them something. The Venus person feels indebted to their partner and will probably be the first to make promises in the relationship.

ʚɞ Saturn Conjunct South Node ʚɞ This relationship requires a lot of work, and it will be impossible to avoid one another until this is dealt with. You may run into each other many times before a connection is formed. The South Node person will grow tremendously under the influence of the Saturn person.

ʚɞ Uranus Conjunct Venus ʚɞ This is a “love at first sight” aspect. You may meet one another in a sudden or unexpected manner, and unexpected events will continue to take place over the course of the relationship. Both parties feel fascinated by one another and an invigorating electric spark exists between the two. Neither one is afraid to showcase their weird personality traits or interests.

ʚɞ North Node / North Node ʚɞ This is an incredibly strong karmic tie. An immediate pull that goes beyond physical attraction was felt right away. It is as if their souls have been yearning for one another for many long years. The destinies of both individuals are in alignment, they were fated to be together. Both people will face and have faced similar spiritual lessons, this brings them closer together. The couple shares a similar vision for the future.

ʚɞ South Node / Personal Planets ʚɞ A deep sense of familiarity and constant deja vu occurs with these aspects. The relationship picks up where it left off in a past life.

ʚɞ North Node in 1st House ʚɞ The North Node person teaches the first house person how to be true to themselves and live authentically. The first house person's identity is strengthened through this relationship. It is likely that both people got along right away, they find it easy to be in one another's presence. Connecting on a deep level is an effortless process and respecting boundaries is never an issue. Nothing about this relationship feels forced. Both parties feel as though they were fated to meet one another.

ʚɞ North Node in 7th House ʚɞ A magnetic pull brought this couple together, they feel compelled to be together. The North Node person is especially attracted to the house person, they see their future with them. Their relationship came into existence to learn about partnership because this is something they have yet to master together. This can present challenges and it is easy to fall back on patterns exhibited through the South Node. Finding a balance between the needs of one another is key here.

ʚɞ North Node in 8th House ʚɞ This is an unforgettable relationship that awakens deep emotions. The North Node person will trigger extreme change within the house person's life. It may feel as though your souls have merged together. An incredibly intimate bond that looks at all your vulnerabilities through a magnifying glass. Dark and disturbing secrets, desires, or feelings will come forward so they can be worked through. Both partners understand each other on a level that compares to no one else.

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