#crack-ish...?

[barebcnes]

@paramounticebound sent: [text] This is a terrible idea. [Text Message Promps | always accepting]

[Text -> Khan] ... Ok, WHAT is a terrible idea? [Text -> Khan] You better let me know right now before I move my ass over to where you are and find out for myself [Text -> Khan] I swear to god Khan [Text -> Khan] If you set the kitchen on fire, I'll set YOU on fire!

[seumyo]

pregnancy cravings with miya atsumu.

Pregnancy cravings never really made sense to Atsumu. Then again, he never got to the part of anatomy and physiology when he was studying physical therapy before he decided to go pro as a volleyball player.

But that doesn’t mean he isn’t supportive; no, he prided himself on being a great husband. And now, with you, his wife, pregnant with your first child, he was determined to be the most supportive, loving, and accommodating partner ever.

Nothing was going to stand in his way—not distance, not logic, and certainly not impossible cravings.

It started simple. Like it always did.

You wanted a specific pastry from a bakery on the other side of Japan? Done. He booked the fastest delivery service he could find, and when that wasn’t an option, he flew there himself, picked it up, and brought it back.

Talk about rich.

Homemade food? Good thing Osamu had drilled the basics of cooking into him, though he still got yelled at by his twin when he accidentally burned rice. But hey, effort counted, right?

Then, the cravings started getting weird.

You’re sitting on the couch with a blanket over your lap when you look up at him with serious eyes. “I want Osamu’s cooking.”

Atsumu blinked. “Alright, I can ask him—”

“But I don’t want to eat it. You eat it.”

He frowned, confused.

“Huh? Ya want me to eat ‘Samu’s cookin’?”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

Atsumu scratched his head, wondering if this was some kind of test. “And that’s gonna make ya feel better?”

“Yes.”

“… Even if ya don’ eat it?”

“Uh-huh.”

Atsumu blinked. “That doesn’t make no sense.”

“Atsumu, please don’t question me.”

“Yes, Ma’am!” He grabbed his phone and immediately dialed Osamu. “Oi, ‘Samu, I need ya to cook somethin’—no, not for [Name]—for me.” There was silence on the other end before Osamu sighed heavily and reluctantly agreed.

That night, Atsumu sat at the dining table, stuffing his face with his brother’s food while you sat across from him, smiling in satisfaction as you watched. Osamu just did his part as a supportive brother for his twin.

The next day was even worse.

“A seedless mango,” you murmured, rubbing your belly.

...

“A what?”

“A seedless mango. I want it.”

“… [Name], sweetheart, baby, I love ya, but that don’t exist.”

“It does.”

“It doesn’t.”

“I want it.”

Atsumu groaned. “Where am I gonna get a seedless mango?”

“Figure it out, please?”

He spent hours searching online, calling fruit vendors, and even asking Osamu if his suppliers had some secret black market seedless mango (Osamu asked him if a volleyball that was going 120 km/h hit his head).

No luck.

In the end, Atsumu cut up a normal mango, carefully removed every trace of the seed, and handed it to you with a hopeful grin.

You took one look at it and frowned.

“It’s not the same.”

Atsumu wanted to cry.

-

“I need you to wear a face mask.”

Atsumu blinked at you from your bed. “Huh? Why?”

You huffed quietly, fidgeting with the sheets. “Because your face is annoying.”

Atsumu gasped, hand clutching his chest. “My face?! The one ya love so much?!”

“Yes.”

“The one ya vowed to look at forever in sickness and in health?!”

“Yes.”

“The one ya called ‘beautiful’ when I asked ya if I was hotter than ‘Samu?!”

“I love you, but right now, your face is irritating me.”

Atsumu stared, utterly betrayed, before sighing in defeat. He got up, went to the closet, grabbed one of the disposable masks he’d bought during flu season, and put it on.

“There. Happy now?”

You smiled sweetly. “Very.”

Atsumu flopped onto the bed with a groan, pulling the blanket over himself. As he lay there, sulking, you scooted closer and rested your head on his chest.

“I love you, you know that?” you murmured.

He grumbled. “Ya sure? Feels like ya hate me sometimes.”

You chuckled. “No, I love you. My hormones just don’t.”

He sighed. “Yer so lucky I love ya more than life.”

“I know. Pregnancy is so weird.”

And the worst has yet to come.

-

Atsumu should be asleep by now, but no, he had to be individually popping popcorn. One kernel at a time, as per your request.

He initially told you, “Yer kiddin’.”

You were not.

And that was how Atsumu found himself in the kitchen at three in the morning, painstakingly popping one kernel at a time in a tiny pan. Every time he accidentally popped more than one, you, who were sitting on a stool with your hands on your belly, would click your tongue disapprovingly.

“You put in two, Atsumu.”

“This is torture,” he grumbled, but he kept going.

-

“I want ice cream,” you said.

Atsumu perked up. “Oh, easy. What flavor?”

“I don’t know.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Uh… okay. I can get a few different kinds?”

“I need to taste them all.”

Atsumu frowned. “Like… all the flavors?”

“Yes.”

“… Babe, there are like fifty flavors at the ice cream shop.”

You nodded. “And I need to taste all of them before I decide which one I want.”

Atsumu let out a long, suffering sigh, but being the devoted husband he was, he marched straight to the ice cream parlor and ordered a ridiculous amount of sample cups. The poor employee stared at him in disbelief.

“You… want every flavor?”

“Yeah.”

“Every single one?”

“Yeah.”

“Sir, that’s—”

“My wife is pregnant, and if I don’t do this, I might not make it to the end of the week.”

The employee, upon hearing this, immediately started getting to work.

When Atsumu got home, you took one spoonful of each, nodded, and, after going through every single cup, announced:

“I don’t want ice cream anymore.”

Atsumu fell to his knees. Defeated.

-

“I need you to stand in the corner for a while.”

Atsumu looked up from his phone, confused. “Huh?”

“The corner. Stand there.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I just feel like you should.”

Atsumu squinted. “Babe, are ya makin’ me into a damn decoration?”

You nodded. “Yes.”

Atsumu sighed but did it anyway. He stood in the corner of your living room for a full ten minutes while you sat on the couch, happily watching TV. At some point, Osamu FaceTimed him, took one look at the scene, and hung up.

-

The next day, you called him while he was at practice, which was rare in itself because you did just leave messages whenever you knew he was practicing.

“Babe,” you said in a tone that made his stomach drop.

“… Yeah?”

“I need you to bring me a cheeseburger.”

He let out a relieved laugh, wiping the sweat off his brow. “That’s easy! I’ll grab ya one on my way ho—“

“But replace the buns with pancakes.”

Atsumu froze. “Come again?”

“You heard me.”

“I dunno if I did, sweetheart.”

“Pancakes. Instead of buns. Oh, and I want honey to go with it.”

Atsumu nearly dropped his phone.

“Yer messin’ with me.”

“I’m really not.”

And you weren’t. That evening, he stood in the kitchen, flipping pancakes with the precision of a professional chef before assembling the most unholy creation he’d ever laid eyes on—a cheeseburger with pancake buns, honey drizzled over the meat.

You took a bite and hummed softly. “Oh my god, this is better than sex.”

Atsumu, who had spent hours perfecting his technique in the bedroom, felt personally offended by that.

-

“Atsumu,” you murmur. “I need you to switch sides of the bed with me.”

He sighed. “No.”

“Atsumu.”

“[Name], baby, darlin’—I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because my side is closer to the door in case of an intruder.”

You chuckled quietly. “Tsumu, please. I need to sleep on that side.”

Atsumu stared at you, conflicted. He had never—not once—slept on the other side. It was unnatural. Wrong. It went against the very foundations of your marriage.

But you were looking at him with those tired, hormonal, pleading eyes. And he was sure you’d tell him you could barely see your feet now and often experience heartburn, all because of his unborn baby.

With a heavy sigh, Atsumu switched sides with you.

“You’re a good husband,” you whispered, patting his cheek.

Atsumu, lying in the unfamiliar position, staring at the wrong wall, whispered, “I’m a broken man.”

SEUMYO © 2025. PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, PLAGIARIZE, MODIFY OR TRANSLATE.

[snaky1ello]

Memes :3

[ivegotyourbackbuddie]

This picture is so funny to me in the context of the 118 buddie betting pool.

Hen: Karen and I are one step closer to winning.

Bobby: Athena is going to be so upset about this development.

Chimney: I see what you did there Hen… so much for them figuring out on their own and us not interfering.

[ominouspuff]

Repurposing GAR armor towards the end of pulverizing wrinkly Sith

— A guide by CC-1010, ecstatically-ex-marshal commander of Coruscant

A what-if au featuring the Corries pulling all-nighters fueled on caf alone to study republic law, Fox providing his own dubious legal representation resulting in the wildest civil court case in Republic history, and, they can only pray, formidable and clandestine cooperation within GAR high command’s clone contingents via a small-scale GAR-approved candy brand

[lurkinginnernarrator]

Cang Qiong's rumor mill has a new topic.

Peak Lord Shen hasn't been seen in two weeks. The last time he was seen was flying back from An Ding, where he purportedly commandeered some unknown objects from An Ding's storerooms after a hasty discussion with Peak Lord Shang. He entered the Bamboo house and hasn't emerged since.

The most popular theory is Peak Lord Shen is conducting some sort of toeing-the-line-of-taboo ritual.

Eventually, someone convinces Mu Qingfang to do a wellness check.

The Qing Jing disciples greet their Mu-shishu respectfully, the disciple escorting him to the Bamboo House inquiring as to the nature of his visit, seeing as 'Shizun wasn't expecting shishu today.'

"This master is merely here to visit your Shizun."

The disciple bows after announcing Mu Qingfang's arrival.

Mu Qingfang opens the door.

"Shen-shixiong?"

"Mu-shidi? To what do I owe the pleA—FUCK get BACK HERE YOU ARE NOT"—the sounds of struggle reach Mu Qingfang's ears and he leaps to action, striding in to take stock of the situatio...n.

Shen-shixiong is flat on his stomach; outstretched hands tightly grasping a precocious ball of fluff. His eyes gleam in victory, the scene casting it in a more crazed light. There is a heaviness to Shen Qingqiu's eyes that cultivation cannot banish and miscellaneous stains on his person. And, looking around, the Bamboo House is a disaster. Books, brushes, scrolls, inkwells and fans are scattered around, many haphazardly dropped on the floor. There is. Also. Hay?

Mu Qingfang freezes in the doorway. Ball of fluff and Shen Qingqiu also freeze.

"Is... Shixiong alright?"

This seems to snap Shen Qingqiu into action. He scrambles up firmly but with care, cradling the fluffball. Shen Qingqiu gets himself in order as best he can with both his hands occupied and clears his throat.

"Ah...Yes. this master is fine. To what do I owe the pleasure?..."

The fluffball twitches, wriggling until Shen Qingqiu loses his grip on it. It hops to the floor. A juvenile Whitecrested Snowrabbit of Agility stares up at Mu Qingfang.

"This. Shidi could come back at a more opportune time?"

The bunny starts chewing on a scroll.

"I believe that would be best."

Mu Qingfang backs out of the doorway.

He does send tea to help with Shen-Shixiong's fatigue and a subspecies of carrot that Whitecrested Snowrabbits are supposed to favour though.

I wonder what the next topic of Cang Qiong's rumor mill will be?

[the-barefoot-hatter]

thinking about Billford again and besides the obvious toxic yaoi and doomed betrayal and mutual obsession appeal there's the like... soft hopefulness of it happening post-canon, post-book of bill

'cuz... no matter how much Bill wants to stay the exact same and never ever EVER change himself... he shouldn't. It's bad for everyone else of course- but it's ALSO clearly bad for Bill. He looks awful in Theraprism. And he should. Bad guy defeated and at his lowest point. But I don't want that to be the forever for him.

That's a mean ending.

Gravity Falls is all about growing up and forgiveness and letting go of things that hurt you. Changing your priorities. Rotting in eternal failed therapy or reincarnating into a completely different creature with no memories of everything is just death with extra steps. It's not satisfying.

But seeing Bill be genuinely sorry and want to get back in Ford's good graces but know how bad he messed everything up and definitely doesn't deserve any forgiveness- and the Pines extending a hand anyway? That's the good stuff!

idk it's just nice to think they COULD make it to a good place

[rankaroid]

My name is (Empty)

(extra under cut)

does anyone else hate tumblr's formatting... anyway here's normal sora :-) i drew the hair down version so this one is a little rough around the edges lol

[kingdontruther]

imagine five years down the line or something and everyone assumes mel and langdon are dating but being professionals about it

they have new students and garcia comes down for a consult and calls langdon ER Ken and suddenly an intern goes “aaah got it! ER Ken, ‘cause she’s Barbie and he’s just Ken!” pointing to mel. Garcia cracking up while langdon just gives her the Stare™️ and Mel is blushing

[trash-ainu]

Headcanon that Melkor is the absolute worst person to share a bed with. He has ADHD. He has RLS. He snores. He steals blankets. He sprawls over the entire bed like a starfish. He will ask the most outlandish questions in the middle of the night. When he finally does manage to doze off, he sleeps like a rock and there is no moving him. He is also a hugger when asleep, and trying to break his death grip is like trying to get out of a chokehold of a professional wrestler.

Mairon is slowly losing his mind each and every night.

[zivazivc]

What was Ish and Lena's relationship?

I made so much for this ask, don't look at me 🫣

The two trolls had a short summer romance at a "no boarders" music festival called Fusion Fest. Back then it was a pretty new and small thing, and the point of the festival is for trolls from all genres to come together and enjoy each other's music and company; celebrating togetherness and acceptance.

(Yes, I made a logo. 😅 This festival is a major annual event for the mixed trolls in my AU.)

Ish and his friend group went to check it out because they're already a colorful ensemble of different genres, and they were curious to see what it was about.

Lena and her friends somehow caught wind of the festival in their backwater village where nothing new or exciting ever happens, and they decided to go to rebel against their closed-minded, racist parents and community, but mostly because they were bored teenagers who'd never seen any trolls other than Rock Trolls before. Despite them wanting to experience something new, their reason for going was very much NOT the point of the festival; They were treating it more like a freakshow to stare at, and them rebelling against their parents was more just to anger them and not because they were any better...

In my mind Lena is very attractive (in a trashy, grunge kind of way), and a 16-year-old Ish immediately got a crush on her from across the room.

He put his Funk moves on her and left her completely flustered from how forward he was. I imagine he was really charming and smooth, but also I can't stop cringing and comparing it to bird mating dances lmao.

(The song Ish is singing to Lena. It makes it feel extra perfect because I just happened to learn the singer was also a 16-year-old when recording it!)

Lena didn't fall for him as hard as he fell for her at first, but she's one of those girls who will go for any bad boy that looks intimidating, and she thought funk trolls were scary and intimidating, because she was subconsciously racist herself too. 🧍 She did really start to like him after they hooked up though, and started liking him for him (so at least she was learning...)

But then they were faced with an unexpected surprise one morning after waking up from a night of concerts and partying (and mixing of substances that shouldn't be mixed)...

Ish panicked hard, he even tried getting rid of the egg, claiming it had to be a dud given the circumstances, but Lena stopped him saying she felt it move. Thank god, because Leslie hatched only minutes later.

Ish was so freaked out that he abruptly left and headed back to Funk Kingdom in the same day, and just abandoned Lena with the baby.

Lena was also very scared but she immediately warmed up to little Leslie and had no intention of dropping him off at an orphanage or doing something similar, despite her friends' encouragement to do just that, claiming her parents were going to kick her out if she showed up back home with a mixed baby.

I'm thinking Ish did try to reach out to Lena by sending her a letter a few weeks later (he got her address before the egg thing happened), but the letter never reached her because she really was disowned and kicked out of her parents' house when she came home and refused to give her baby up...

So Lena never heard from Ish again, and the next time Ish heard about Lena was about 9 years later when Leslie turned up looking for him with his baby brother, and he learned that she was gone...

(Ish having a weird day where he went out after Kymani poorly relayed a confusing phone call from the police station, and later came back home as the sole caretaker of two neglected kids.)

[chickenkurage]

Possible new AU? (Duck Alan AU?????)

Where in canon happens, except around Showdown, Alan got extremely worried that Second and the others hadn't come back yet. So he uses his brand new VR headset that he had bought (was planned to use it so he could finally meet and talk with the stick figures, but forgot)

He hadn't set a model for his VR so he used his ROBLOX character as his model, except the VR had twisted it and turned his whole model as a Duck. (His ROBLOX model is a duck head XD). So he sets his way towards the portal and was able to stop Second before he could kill Dark.

What he thought he would look like.

Versus what he turned into.

Second was confused when he saw Alan, cause why was there a random Duck trying to get his attention?

Alan is swimming through the water so he could get to Second and the others (He still has not noticed he was a duck, he thought he was just extremely good at swimming, and awfully small for some reason)

Now onto some doodles! Duck Alan with his kids!

VICTIM

Here Victim discovers Alan was in the outernet and kidnapped him, and instead he was disappointed to find Alan looking like a Duck instead of the "Scary Cursor" form he had. So now his revenge was in shambles and forgotten since Alan had disappointed him so much in such a short time.

(Alan bothers Victim frequently by sneaking inside Rocket Corp)

Alan sad mode because he got kicked out of Rocket Corp again.

CHOSEN

Alan also fell asleep behind the VR as well (thank goodness he was laying on his bed) He totally did not sneak around and carefully laid himself down on top of Chosen.

DARK

Initially, after the Showdown and Alan saving Dark from Second (by distracting him for looking like a duck). Alan has now fixed Dark's code, and he is much more chill now, since he has no voices telling him to destroy everything.

Though he is still mad at Alan (It's just hard to be mad at a cute looking duck, even if that duck is Alan himself, or so he tells himself that)

Alan is secretly very happy to see them all in person, so he cant help but stare at them in awe.

SECOND

Alan has no legs, i like to think he just glides around the place since that's just a VR model XDDD.

In the end, Alan had the chance to change his model, but he kept it because the others are much more kinder to him in that form XDDD

Where did i get this AU idea? Uhh *looks at the AvG roblox gameplays* i don't know either tbh. - S

[hrtzbeat]

in which rei finds a princess who looks suspiciously like her~

[wikiangela]

here we are together underneath the Christmas tree

written for @bucktommywinterfest prompt: December 22-28: Christmas/Hanukkah and/or firefam holiday party just a silly lil smth, idk what this is lmao

Merry Christmas <3

rating: G words: 1.1k

[also on Ao3]

“Hey, Tommy.” He hears Maddie’s voice, and turns his head to smile at her. He’s leaning against the doorway to the living room, a drink in hand. He’s looking out at the party still going strong in the living room, people mingling, drinks pouring, festive music playing. “What are you doing standing here all alone?” She joins Tommy, leaning against the doorframe opposite him. “Where’s my brother? I was starting to think he’s glued to your hand,” she jokes, and it gets a laugh out of Tommy. “He’s a little busy.” He nods towards the corner of the room, where a joyous laughter erupts at that very moment. There he is, Evan, shining brightly like a beam of sunshine, while he’s entertaining the younger kids. He looks so in his element, playing with them, goofing off, helping them unpack their gifts, and the kids love him. Tommy knows he has the most fond and lovesick expression on his face, and he doesn’t even want to hide it. This is his man, and he loves him so much – and one day, hopefully, they’ll have their own kids who will look at Evan this adoringly. They’ve talked about it briefly, they know where they stand, and as scary as it sometimes seems, Tommy’s so excited for a future with Evan. “And I’m just taking a little break.” Tommy shrugs with one arm, eyes scanning the room, feeling a little wistful tonight, but also awed and grateful that he’s here with all those amazing people. Sometimes it just gets overwhelming. “He’s so good with them.” Maddie comments, a grin on her own face. Tommy hums in agreement, and then her attention is back on him. “You okay?” She asks. He can feel her piercing gaze on the side of his face. He must not be able to hide the slight melancholy from his expression that well.

“Yeah,” he nods, taking a sip of his drink. “Yeah, just- I’m not used to… all this.” He nods towards the room, hoping she gets what he means. Evan playing with the kids. Hen and Athena sipping wine and gossipping on the couch. Bobby talking to May and Denny while he cooks in the kitchen. Chimney, Karen and Eddie laughing about something loudly. Other familiar faces from the 118 all around, gathered here at the Christmas/housewarming party at Bobby and Athena’s new house. They all seem so close, like a real family. Tommy doesn’t know this kind of familiarity, not from work, not among friends, not even from his own childhood home. “I’ve never really had this, you know? The last few years at Harbor have been amazing, all my coworkers are great friends, it’s just-” he stops, shakes his head. The alcohol made his tongue a little looser than he’s comfortable with.

“Not really family. Not like the 118 are.” Maddie finishes for him, understanding in her voice.

“Yeah,” he whispers.

“Well, you’re a part of this family now.” Maddie places her hand on his forearm, a soothing gesture. “And once you’re in, there’s no going back, you’re stuck with us now.” He sees her reassuring smile out of the corner of his eye.

“Thank you.” He says, still watching his boyfriend, and feeling his heart swell with love. For Evan, for this amazing family that welcomed him with open arms, for all his old and new friends, for getting this chance. Not only did he get the love of the most amazing man he’s ever met, he got a whole family, too. He never thought this would happen when he answered that phone call from Howie months ago.

Speaking of, Howie shows up next to them, holding up a branch of mistletoe over his head and grinning.

“Hi, can I get a kiss?” He asks.

“Of course, honey-” Maddie starts to answer, but Howie quickly interrupts.

“I meant from Tommy.” His tone is teasing, and Maddie laughs loudly, Tommy joining her. How much did he have to drink? “I’m serious. Come on, Kinard, you’re the only one left.” He smirks, and Tommy glances at Maddie. She just shrugs, chuckling slightly.

“Fine.” Tommy rolls his eyes, but leans down and- and he swears he means to kiss Howie’s cheek. He swears Howie gives him his cheek to kiss. But then he turns his head and their lips meet, for just a split second. Maddie laughs again. Howie’s grinning at him when he pulls away.

And then Evan materializes seemingly out of thin air, as if he crossed the whole room in a split second.

“What’s going on here?” He asks innocently, but suddenly he’s plastered against Tommy’s side. Tommy can’t hide his amusement. Evan is adorable. “Why are you kissing my boyfriend, Chim?”

“Mistletoe.” Howie shrugs, waving the branch. Evan doesn’t look impressed. 

“Maddie, your husband is kissing my man.”

“I know, I’m right here.” Maddie laughs. “As long as they don’t fall in love,” she jokes with a shrug. “Or we’re gonna have a real problem, Kinard.” She adds half-seriously, and, well, Tommy’s seen Evan’s jealousy, he knows not to mess with a Buckley.

“I have everything I need right here.” Tommy answers, his arm wrapping around Evan’s waist. “You need a mistletoe kiss, too, baby?”

“Like a hundred.” Evan nods. “To erase the image of you kissing my brother-in-law, ew.” He makes a face, and Howie pretends to be offended. 

“Let’s go find mistletoe, then.” Tommy laughs, grabbing Evan’s hand. 

As they walk away, he can see Howie finally using his own branch to kiss his wife, and then twirling her to the music, before kissing her again. They’re really an adorable couple.

Evan leads him to the middle of the living room, where a mistletoe hangs on the overhead lamp, and kisses Tommy so deep and hungry his brain short-circuits. They hear whistles and groans and shouts to get a room, and Tommy laughs into Evan’s lips. He’s never had this, either, being able to be so open and public with his relationship, so accepted. Everyone will tease and make fun of them for being so sickeningly in love, and Tommy will adore every second of it.

“I love you.” Evan whispers, eyes sparkling happily. “You’re all mine.” He adds, voice determined, and Tommy can’t help a loud laugh that escapes him. Oh, Evan’s has his own heart.

“I love you, too, Evan.” Tommy sighs. He doesn’t think he’s ever been happier. He’s surrounded by so much love and family and happiness – and he has his whole world right here in his arms. He never thought he’d have anything close to this, and he’ll forever be so grateful he got this. He doesn’t need any gifts this Christmas, he already has everything he needs.

[also on ao3]

[mothvalentino]

@radioiaci

ཐིཋྀ "Here's the thing, Al."

"I would go on a date with you. But only if you promise I won't end up as dinner."

[moreespressoformydepresso]

Here’s a little something I kinda wanna write:

A TBOSAS High School AU but different, because it’s still in Panem. When they’re discussing what could be done to make the Games more interesting in class, Sejanus goes a little mad with rage when Clemensia suggests making these poor kids avoxes like being a slave without a tongue is a better fate than the arena and decides to bitterly make a suggestion he knows will never be picked anyway:

Why not prove how “inferior” those district kids are by having them go to the Capitol Academy from the reaping ceremony until the end of the year? That’ll get people invested in the games! Now they know these kids and they get to enjoy watching them die after being forced to be around them for so long! 🙄

Except Gaul actually thinks this is genius, what with her whole “all humans are vicious animals when cornered” philosophy, and what do you know? That year’s tributes have to spend several months in the lion’s den before they’re sent into the arena. They all take this news with varying degrees of disgust and resignation, especially because they still have to spend a few nights in the zoo while the Capitol decides on where to lock them up. In the end the tributes are thrown into a hotel, specifically the part that used to be a safe house during the Dark Days. It’s the lowest quality place to stay in the Capitol that is, actually, a place for humans to stay, but it’s more luxurious than anything the tributes have ever seen before.

Throughout their stay there, the tributes end up bonding with Capitol citizens with various levels of intent. For some, like Pup and Lamina or Persephone and Mizzen or Lysistrata and Jessup, it goes pretty naturally even without the mentorship because of various situations through which they end up coming into contact. For some, like Bobbin and Panlo and Brandy and Coral, it flat out doesn’t happen. For some like Sejanus and Marcus, it’s a rocky road to a happy ending.

For others like Treech and Vipsania, it’s absolutely hilarious. Not to them, but to the other tributes + Sejanus.

See, despite the Capitol’s disbelief, some tributes actually scored higher than their own age bracket in the school curriculum and got placed in higher classes under the assumption that it was a fluke and they’ll fail out eventually. A good example would be Teslee and Circ on everything tech and Otto and Ginnee on everything mechanical. Treech scored exceptionally high on both history and literature because A) he needed to know a lot of those stories for wood-carving and B) he’s a sneaky bitch who’s broken into the peacekeeper barracks and stole their books on too many occasions to count. He learned those stories to tell the younger kids when he ran out of folklore to entertain the exceptionally story-hungry ones with. Therefore, his 15-year-old self is stuck in the mentors’ class of 18-19yo people. Sadly for him, literature ends up having a big year-long duo project where you have to read and analyze several books together for practice and, at the end of the year, put together a presentation on anything literature analysis related together.

Treech gets stuck with Vipsania.

Everyone in that class feels terrible for her because they’re all convinced he can’t even read, partially because when people make ‘jokes’ about that he doesn’t bother correcting them. He just shares an exasperated look with Sejanus and moves on, because Sejanus knows Treech can read and write due to his wood carving job (he works two jobs bless his soul) and they can bitch about these people after class when Treech doesn’t risk these fragile ego having assholes to get him executed. The thing is though- Treech is actually amazing at writing stories, and that translates to him being very good at writing papers and analyzing stories for someone who’s never done so in an education setting. Vipsania won’t give him a chance though, and keeps belittling him and condescending to him until he snaps and suggests they make their papers separately so he won’t “drag her grade down” outside of the final presentation. She agrees.

At some point, Treech is called into Dean Highbottom’s office during a biology class (he’s with students his age and even made a friend!! Who’s currently helping him catch up on all the education he missed) for a bit and comes back into class looking both pissed off and pleased with himself. The next literature class the grades are announced and the professor looks pale as he announces the highest grade in the class belonging to Vipsania Sickle and Treech Meran, with their shared average of 9.2. People congratulate Vipsania, only for the professor to announce her grade to be an 8.6, the third highest grade in the class. The person with highest individual grade in the class is Treech, who’s leaning his head against his hand and staring out the window in boredom as the students stare at him in shock.

A 9.8, the highest grade in the entire year.

When people suggest there must be a mistake, the professor shakily admits they verified it’s his handwriting and he repeated enough points from the paper that they can only accept he wrote it until there’s tangible proof to claim the opposite, which there isn’t. After that, Vipsania takes some time to simmer in her anger at being outdone by some lesser creature, only to be forced to accept he beat her fair and square in a way where she couldn’t claim credit. So instead she decides she can suck it up and work with him for the project. Except now she’s genuinely interacting with him, and that leads to her to stop despising him. When he complains PE is boring and he misses some of the physical exercise he got back in 7 (especially with his theater troupe), Vipsania ends up convincing her aunt to let him into the gymnasium. Which ends with him joining the track team (because in his words: “gymnastics is for the theater, sprinting is for always”).

And somewhere down the line they go from begrudging project partners to sort of friends maybe, even though Treech still kinda hates her guts for being a prejudiced bitch to him.

The other tributes and Sejanus just adore seeing Capitol dicks be put in their place, and Treech gets to do it in literature, history, and track. Treech is a little less amused because his talking time with his bio buddy was cut short so the Academy could have him write random sentences on paper for 20 minutes until the lit professor was finally forced to accept he wrote that paper.

Either way, a lot of the tributes get Capitol friends who really don’t like the idea of watching them die actually, so of course having the entire youth and even some respected Capitol professors protesting the games puts enough pressure on the academy board to force even the anti-district assholes to agree to put the tributes under Academy protection. No games for Gaul!! No job for Gaul either, she gets fired for unspecified “misconduct”.

She tried to go after Treech and Lucy Gray for becoming so popular with the students, so Agrippina, the literature professor, history professor and art/music professor banded together to stop her because those two are their favorite students. They produce good, creative work that’s actually fun to grade and they need some good projects to stay sane.