#cw for disordered eating and csa

[dennisboobs]

The fic posterrrrrrrrr

[ophelianessa]

Valangel Fic Masterpost

My AO3 Tag

(All dead dove, read the tags.)

My absolute favorites I've written:

"And Everyone Just Watched" - Angel tries to escape, Val chases him, guns blazing

"Till Death Do Us Part" - Angel tries to escape, Val makes him audition for his life

"Nymphomaniac" - Dissociation, CPTSD, Angel is deep in denial about his trauma

"Loud" - my DID rep, Val cut off Angel's drug supply to get him to come back

"Bad Idea" - Angel tries to resist Valentino while broken up.

"Voicemails" - Angel gets off to Val's voicemails while apart

"Love Hurts" - Val fucks Angel's regenerating corpse

"Withdrawal" - Angel realizes he is physically addicted to Val's pheromones

(Some are repeated across categories) First time a fic is mentioned

Dissociation and Trauma Centric:

"Nymphomaniac" - hypersexuality, deep POV, flashbacks, CSA

"Loud" - going back to your ex, dissociative identity disorder

"Love Hurts" - implied csa, big dissociative energy

"Withdrawal" - first time Angel realizes he's not the one in control in this relationship

"How Long?" - Val POV. He copes violently.

"Everyone Will Know" - Big victim blaming and gaslighting

Getting Back Together With Your Ex:

"Hurt Me, Daddy" -Angel wants to be punished for giving up

"Bad Idea" - Angel tries to resist but Val's saying and doing everything he knows he wants

"Nine Months" - Angel's longest streak of staying away. Val's giving him space??

"Voicemails" - Not quite, but Angel misses Val. A LOT.

"Loud" - Val cuts off Angel's drug supply

"What a Whore You Are" - Angel doesn't think he has much of a choice

"How Long?" - Angel breaks Val's heart over and over and he can't help but fall for it.

"Back to the Womb" - Recovery is impossible

"Soulmates" - Angel can't stay away

Getting Together For The First Time:

"Fuck Me Stupid" - mostly just smut tbh

"This Kind of Man" - Angel knows better

"Audition" - this seems like a good idea!

Pre-Abuse:

"How About Love?" - Angel fundamentally can't accept the idea that Val loves him

"Master" - Angel loves BDSM

"Mark Me" - Val is still... a lot, but Angel's into it

"Awards Show" - Just some smuttish fluff of Valangel and the Vees

"Bound" - more consensual BDSM

"Contract Negotiations" - not that contract

Val POV:

"How Long?" - Val draws Angel when he misses him

"Mine" - Val carves his name into Angel's skin for the first time

"Practice" - Val doesn't understand why Angel would love him. Surely he can push him to the point where he'll stop?

"Prima Nocta" - largely consensual virgin role-play

"Control" - Dom!Angel Dust

"Bound" - more consensual BDSM

"Mark Me" - Angel and Val get into some hardcore bdsm

Guest Starring Vox:

"Cucked" - Vox and Val decide to show Angel who Val really belongs to

"Good Val" - partially Vox POV

"Put Him Under" - StaticMothDust Polycule

"Mis Vidas" - Jealousy -> StaticMothDust Polycule

"Nymphomaniac" - brief StaticDust blowjob

"Contract Negotiations" - Vox is in a lot of it, but does not get laid

"Power Bottom" - Vox is watching but not there

Dragging Husk and Co Into This Mess:

"Shame" - Huskerdust gets cucked

"What a Whore You Are" - mostly Charlie but pretty much everyone shows up

"Made to be Abused" - Being with Val vs being with Husk

Angel Tries to Escape

"Till Death Do Us Part"

"And Everyone Just Watched"

Top!Angel Dust:

"Control" - Dom!Angel Dust

"Say My Name" - Jealous!Angel Dust

"Power Bottom" - Val wants Angel to top him, but he has to neg Angel the whole time

Something Like Consent

"Mark Me" - violent, but Angel is here for it

"Prima Nocta" - cnc role play

"Control" - Actually, chapter 3 does not have consent, but the first two do!

"Bound" - fun bdsm with feelings

"Say My Name" - Jealous!Angel Dust

"Fuck Me Stupid" - on a table in a club/restaurant

"How Long?" - abuse comes after the sex

"Cucked" - Angel doesn't consent to watching, but Vox and Val are consensual

Blood Play

"Mark Me" - Name carving, consensual

"Mine" - Name carving, non-consensual

"Cigarette Burns" - past blood play

Exhibitionism

"Fuck Me Stupid" - on a table in a club/restaurant

"Put Him Under" - in an amphitheater operating room w cameras

"And Everyone Just Watched" - in a club/on a dance floor

"Shame" - in a coat closet with Husk outside

"What a Whore You Are" - at the hotel

"Example" - at the studio

"Cucked" - Vox and Val make Angel watch

Jealousy:

"Cucked" - Vox and Val cuck Angel. Not like he every had a chance with Val anyway.

"Good Val" - Angel and Vox are totally not jealous of each other

"Say My Name" - Angel doesn't get jealous when Val hooks up with other people

"Mis Vidas" - Val makes Angel and Vox overcome their jealousy

"Mark Me" - Val gets jealous of a client

"Nine Months" - Val ignores Angel, "giving him space" till Angel can't stand it

Assorted Graphic Non-con:

"Anniversary" - date rape drugs

"Like Wedding Vows" - Angel says he wants it to hurt, Val takes it too far

Ongoing

"Control" - Dom!Angel Dust, Flustered Valentino with feelings

"Mis Vidas" - Jealousy -> StaticMothDust Polycule, shenanigans

Fragments from a Potential Longer Fic

"This Kind of Man" - Getting together, slooooow burn ft Jaded!Angel

"Audition" - Getting together, Angel thinks he has the upper hand, but catches feelings fast

"Withdrawal" - Angel realizes he's not the one in control in this relationship

"How About Love?" - Angel fundamentally can't accept the idea that Val loves him

"Master" - First time in subspace

"Mark Me" - Getting in too deep

"Awards Show" - Honeymoon Phase

"Bound" - Val catching feelings

"Contract Negotiations" - Angel thinking he has power in this relationship

[foxessnout]

rdr brainrot :3

i've been having lots of rdr thoughts, especially headcanons, so! i decided to make a post. this is specifically about john marston, mainly his teen years & early time with the gang... also me self projecting 🫣

cw for disordered eating, implied csa if you squint maybe?

— we all know he was dirty when dutch picked him up. its very, very expected. he was super malnurished, scraqny, his hair was mangy and greasy, his nails were overgrown and sharp, like claws. dutch said he looked like an angry wolf pup. also, dutch thought he was 9-10 when he found him.

— he used said "claws" for self-defense so needless to say he was very fussy when they were cut off.

— on the topic of self defense, he had a small knife with him he clinged onto. he would always have it near him, and anyone who tried to take it would get kicked, bitten or stabbed. he still has it, and still nobody knows its origns. john came with it.

— on the topic of biting, he bit. a LOT. especially if someone got too close or was too scary or he didnt trust them (which was everyone), dutch quickly learned his lesson, but... when arthur first approached him, he didn't know, and john bit him, hard. he literally had to shake off john like a dog, and still has the scar to this day.

— he didn't speak for the first 2 or 3 weeks at all. not even his name. he would make noises - sqeaks, screams, etc - but not speak. the gang thought he never learned how to, and while he does struggle with verbality, he can speak.

— he didn't know how to eat. due to being starved for so long, he would either eat too little and starve or too much and get sick. it took a while for him to learn healthy eating habits, and he still struggles with his old habits.

— he uses to try running away a lot because he thoughr he'd have to pay back dutch with himself for a long, long time. it took a while to drill it into him that this isn't like that.

— arthur and dutch were the first people he put his guard down around and spoke around. even though arthur didn't like him.

— he's a transman 🥳 he used to walk around and look at kids playing with their parents a lot and one of the kids tried to play with him, his name was john, but marston scared him away. he ended up stealing that name because it was the first time someone was nice to him even though he was very very rude LMAO

— the first year or so he would try to test their limits and cause trouble, thinking they'd throw him away, he didn't trust that this was genuine shelter and wanted to prove it.

— he's autistic. and part of that is struggling with verbality. he was nonverbal til age 4, mostly nonverbal til age 14 and he's mostly semiverbal. he has shutdowns where he's nonverbal at times still.

thats it... maybe??? should i do a part 2?

[thistlecatfics]

i know you obviously hate reg but what do you think of monty/reg or lyall/reg

oh anon, I'm very curious what makes you think I 'obviously' hate Regulus? (unless you're being sarcastic?) I'm definitely actively annoyed 90% of the time at how fandom treats him as the mostest specialest baby boy who has never done anything wrong ever and how obsession with him tends to overlap with all the things I find most irritating in fandom, but I'm fascinated by him as a character, and I love writing him!

The fic I've written which is the most frighteningly vulnerable little shard of my soul in two thousand words is a Regulus character study. He's such an amazing character to use to explore so many of my favorite themes -- family trauma, incest, enmeshment, class privilege, entitlement, fear, sporty eating disorders, suicidality, power and oppression, how supremacist systems actively hurt even those placed in the superior category etc. I think he's such a deeply flawed person, and I see myself in him -- definitely some of the worst things about myself, but that's why he's so cathartic for me to write.

But! That's not what you asked. Monty/Reg & Lyall/Reg thoughts under the cut. cw for underage, grooming, alcohol abuse, incest/CSA, suicidal thoughts

Monty/Reg:

So I'm imagining a Black-brothers-run-away-together AU. Maybe no Voldemort? And now Sirius and Regulus are living in his house. Sirius is always off with James, utterly tied at the hip, loud and boisterous and always laughing. But then there's the younger brother, dark curls and nervous hands and so damn eager to please. Monty knows awful things happened in that house to those boys. They've run away for a reason.

The nature of some of that awfulness starts to take shape in his mind as Regulus touches him a little too long a little too often and seems hurt and surprised when he pulls away. The hurt on his face kills Monty. He just wants to take care of him. And he wants --

He's not his son. And it would make the boy so happy. It's clearly what he's seeking. He's almost of age. Monty finds a thousand ways to justify it.

Gentle praise and touches and secrets and shame and acts of care that cross more and more lines. Regulus has never felt more whole; Monty has never felt more rotten.

Lyall/Reg:

I hc that Lyall tries his very best to be a good dad, but he can't stop blaming himself for Remus's lycanthropy and tried so long to fix him in really awful, painful ways which contributed to Remus's deep self-loathing. After Hope dies, he really falls apart and starts drinking very heavily. He still tries to be there for Remus, but he's incapable of doing so in a way that's actually meaningful.

I also hc that in his last year of life, Regulus is falling apart intensely - he's 'soft enough to believe them' but much too soft to handle what it means to be a Death Eater. After years of restriction and discipline and obsession, he's binge eating, binge drinking, trying potions, trying anything to silence his conscious. He wants to die, but he also wants his death to matter, and he's having a crisis of faith.

He and Lyall end up at the same pub, two despondent drunks at the end of the bar. Sex is a strong term for what they end up having, but it makes them feel a little less lonely, which is something.

[spritehouse]

⚠️CW: acting industry shit, mentioned child abuse, sa/csa, drug addiction & drinking, body image issues, disordered eating + eating disorders (with a mention of calories)

actors!moralvez au where spencer has been in the industry since he was a child because he could memorize his lines and thus play more complex child roles, but his "problem" was his awkward shyness, though his father quickly shaped his awkwardness to be charming and basically beat all the traits he couldn't "fix" out of him

but then when spencer starts falls away from his spotlight while cuter, more charming, and conventionally attractive kids take his spot, his father abandons him, leaving him to take care of his mother while trying to navigate the industry alone

so he becomes the tragic, young star. he starts taking jobs wherever he can get them, works himself to the bone, and starts gambling when he gets old enough in order to make ends meet. he eventually starts doing drugs; they help him loosen up and give him that charming personality he's lacked, giving him that one final push to fame, and he doesn't let anyone close enough to see how his lifestyle is destroying him.

and then there's derek, scouted by his mentor after his dad died, making him "the man of the house" and thinking it's his responsibility to take care of his family; acting pays well if you put the work in, buford tells him, and derek has always been dedicated.

it's slow at first, but once he hits his growth spurt and starts building muscle, derek rises to fame fast, and with his fame comes his sex appeal, something the industry and his mentor have no problem taking advantage of.

and at some point, spencer and derek end up working together, and despite both of their mile-high walls and knack for keeping people at arms length, they get close.

derek is always around when spencer is too high, or drunk, or both to get home, making sure he gets to set on time, holding his life together, while spencer is there after those late nights or mornings after his "clients," helping him put himself back together again, or sometimes even getting him drunk enough to forget. and they grow to depend on each other.

until one day, spencer overdoses. he doesn't tell anyone if it was on purpose or not, but everyone has a theory; the public is all over him, and now he's a liability—people's jobs are on the line—if his self-destructiveness kills him, too many people are out of a job, and the industry deems he isn't worth the risk.

so derek has to make the decision to stay with spencer and sacrifice his career or leave him behind, and it's a no-brainer for him, of course he'd stay. if it ends his career, so be it, he knows his looks can get him plenty of other work, but when he tells spencer that, spencer refuses to let him do that; he refuses to let his friend turn to the work that's been destroying him since he was a teenager and he shuts derek out to stop him from sacrificing his life.

and while these two rising stars seem to be having their careers be tragically cut short, another one is rising to take their place: luke alvez.

after getting injured in active combat, luke turned to acting; the adrenaline, the fast pace, and the pressure are a great replacement, but he's still so far behind everyone else. derek and spencer started when they were kids, they were groomed for the public's eye, and he's a 21 year old veteran using acting as an escape the hole of self-pity, shame, and neglecting himself he fell into after getting discharged.

he's not as fit as he was in combat, between the army's rigorous training and recovering from his injury, of course he isn't, but he views it as part of the reason he's so behind. he can't help comparing himself to the people who were in his spot weeks ago—the body derek's been carefully building since childhood and spencer's skinny charm—so he pushes himself. i needs to be more attractive, stronger, better to be half as good as everyone else.

at some point, luke runs into derek who's still desperately trying to get through to spencer, but his career is still largely in tact, and they're both drunk, probably too drunk and end up in luke's apartment.

luke wakes up first the next morning and freaks out because he's afraid he took advantage of derek, who was much drunker than him (it's too easy to drink too many calories, luke has to be careful), which leads to him having a full blown, spiraling panic attack/flashbacks that wakes up derek.

once derek finally manages to talk luke down, luke feels like he owes derek an explanation and tells him everything about the army, his injury, how he hasn't been coping, his fixation on his body, and asks how derek has survived the industry for so long.

and derek answers honestly: he doesn't know, he never imagined to make it this far or live this long. he talks about how he was recruited, how his body was groomed for sexual appeal since puberty, the "sex work" buford had him doing on the side, meeting spencer; once the damn breaks, he can't stop.

their relationship is slow. derek never officially came out, but he's been flirting with people of all genders for years. luke, on the other hand, is more conservative with his sexuality and private life; he still has things to hide, but they're still something.

and then spencer shows up at derek's door one day while luke is over, sober, saying he's trying to make amends, and derek hears him out. he was never mad at spencer, not truly, but it still stings, and what hurts the most is losing what they were and what they could've been because derek has luke now and spencer isn't stable enough for a relationship right now.

so time passes, and spencer gets better. he renters derek's life, and luke's by extension, he gets his career back, and everything's good.

except derek still loves spencer, it's obvious, and spencer is out and he doesn't keep derek up all night with night terrors and flashbacks, he doesn't exercise excessively or count calories, he's good for derek, at least in luke's eyes, and he tells derek as much.

and derek hears all of that and he's like "yeah, i love spencer, but i love you too, and i would really love to not choose"

um and then they're gay and poly and stuff yeah

[insoukokuhell-434]

Chuuya Takes Care of Dazai Fics

Includes:

Emotional Hurt/Comfort (long term & immediate)

Physical Hurt/Comfort

The format I’m using is:

Title - writer (ao3 link) Fic length Time period (teen/mafia skk, 22! Skk, all ages) Additional tags (Tags in bold added by me for extra info) TW

Some fics have parts of the summary/ comments added for additional info

Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Long Term (multiple instances)

hey look, the sky's falling apart - saffroncassis    

24.8k TEEN SKK (16/17) AU - Canon Divergence Protective Nakahara Chuuya, Angst, Fluff, Humor, Developing Relationship Found Family (the Akutagawa siblings, Oda's kids, Kyouka, Oda, Ango) TW- Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse and discussions of both these, also cw food for the whole fic

Summary - "At age 16, Chuuya defects from the Port Mafia and drags his partner with him not so much kicking and screaming as silently begrudging, and the rest follow suit in time."

Mostly Chuuya helping Dazai, but Dazai supports him too <33

[Really realistic depiction of the relationship between a depressed person and their supportive partner!]

For the Record - zombiemarker

19.1k TEEN SKK  AU- Spies & Secret Agents + Physical Hurt/Comfort Nightmares, Childhood Trauma, they get all dressed up and go to a gala, Implied Sexual Content, Fluff & Angst, Literal sleeping together, Getting together, First kiss, Developing Relationship TW - Blood and Violence, Childhood Trauma

From tags: "Chuuya's a government experiment, Dazai's been with Mori for years, they've both got trauma now"

Mostly Chuuya helping Dazai, but Dazai supports him too <33

A mouth to empty into - series by osamuchuu

Not listing all 4 fics cause this post is already so long, but they’re all amazing pls go read them!

The series depicts depression + CSA trauma so well!

This is my favourite -

Love is not a victory march - osamuchuu

8.7k 22 SKK Soukoku taking care of each other, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mental Illness, Depression, Drug Addiction, Blood and Injury, Healing, Recovery, Soukoku Tenderness, Light Angst TW -  Dazai-Typical Suicide References and Attempts, Addiction, Drug Use

believe me darling, the stars were made for falling -communist_sasuke

14.6k ALL AGES Worried Chuuya, Love Confessions, Dazai is a Mess, Angst, Self-Harm , Fluff & Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon timeline, First Kiss, TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions , Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt

Trust Fall - insi 

3.5k ALL AGES (Dark Era, Post-Dark Era, 22 SKK) Emotional Constipation, Mental Health Issues, Dazai has issues TW - Implied/Referenced Suicide & Self-Harm, Suicidal ideation

From tags: Chuuya has met Dazai on the rooftop many times throughout knowing each other.

Immediate

Emotional H/C

Even the Darkness We're Watching Is So Beautiful - NastyaEx

4k 22 SKK (post-109) bsd 109, Fluff, Dazai Needs a Hug, Dazai is a Mess, exhausted dazai, dazai cries but only a little bit, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Soft skk, Dazai centered, yosano is a bit here and she's great

I'll Make A Home In Your Gut Because its Somewhere Warm to Sleep - arahabakii

8.9k 22 SKK Fluff, Angst, Mutual Pining, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Making Out, Getting Together, Domestic Fluff, Touch-Starved Dazai, Dazai needs a hug, Chuuya needs a hug TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide References

stay- neon_toad

4.6k 22 SKK (pm!skk flashbacks) Suffering Dazai, Dazai Needs a Hug , Dazai is Bad at Feelings, Oblivious Dazai Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hugs, birthday, Birthday Presents, soft skk TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide References

where are you? - doeinstinct

2.8k 22 SKK Depression, Disordered Eating, physical symptoms of depression, Mentions of past self harm, m because they shower together, canon adjacent, meal replacements, Love Confessions, They're In Love Your Honor

Run Away With Me - Anonymous

5.3k Dark Era Grief/Mourning, Dissociation, Suicidal Thoughts, Soft Soukoku, Dazai Needs a Hug , Dazai Has Feelings, Pining, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Chuuya Needs a Hug, Kissing, Dazai asks Chuuya to run away with him

stay the night - Shinkirou

3.6k 22 SKK Gen or Pre-Slash, Developing Relationship, Character Study, Sharing a Bed, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Dazai's depression

Physical Hurt/Comfort

Fool for loyalty, or some other word - osamuchuu

1.7k Dark Era Aftermath of Torture, Blood and Injury Light Angst, chuuya deals with so much tbh, what a champ, Fluff and Angst, Pre-Relationship, Established Relationship, chuuya being Dazai's nurse because he absolutely was Dazai's angry nurse

under wraps - Coffeebiscuits

5k Post-Dark era + Emotional hurt comfort Love confessions, deep talks, Light angst, Fluff and angst, kissing, crushes, sharing a bed, Suicide, Self-Harm, Tending to Wounds TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm 

From tags: “basically chuuya has to patch dazai upand they talk about some things they need to discuss”

Chuuya also gets some emotional comfort

EXHAUSTION

So if you go too far I'll be there - Kimisu

2.5k 22 SKK - Pre-Fyodor | Cannibalism Arc  No Plot/Plotless, Literal Sleeping Together, Some Fluff, Canon Timeline

From Summary: Based on a HC that Dazai spends days before every major arc planning and arranging the pieces in order for everything to 'work'. He also pushes his body limits a bit too far when doing that sometimes.

SICK FIC

Nothing More Important Than You - StormDew2

3k MAFIA SKK (15) Sickfic, Soft soukoku, Vulnerability

Please like/reblog if this helped u find a fic, I'd be delighted to know asjsj <3

“Dazai takes care of Chuuya” recs here

Fic rec masterlist here

[paparazzi-verse]

prompt: "Well, hello, sleeping beauty. You fell asleep on me."

[ this was meant to be short with some lighthearted flirting but Finn has no chill I guess? – also, it's never explicitly stated but Geoffrey is Evie's most recent ex-stepfather ]

CW: Ostroff Centre, mental hospitals, eating disorders, drug abuse, overdose, suicide attempts, implied (sort of) CSA

I think that's everything but let me know if i should include any others

Finn didn’t know that he would ever get tired of looking at Evie.  She was beautiful, he’d always considered her the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.  

Maybe if he’d told her that more, they wouldn’t be here.

In the fucking Ostroff Centre, Nolan and Theo next door with Eric, and Evie asleep in a small, uncomfortable hospital bed, not able to stay awake for more than a few minutes.  God, she looked so small in that bed.  She always looked small, she was small, five foot nothing and barely seventy pounds next to Finn’s six foot frame.  But she was smaller, like this.  Part of it was the severe weight loss, he knew that, but not all of it.  With her blond hair and light pink pyjamas, her sickly pallor and hollow cheeks, the starch white bedding and the disgustingly white room washed her out.  

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.  They were supposed to be having the best possible summer with Tinsley and Theo before starting high school, visiting Tinsley’s family hotels all over the country, going to Europe where he would roll his eyes at Evie’s sightseeing but still go wherever she wanted.  They were supposed to be taking beach photos that Tinsley would carefully curate for each of them to post, bribing poolside bars into ignoring their age, ending every night squished into one bed because none of them wanted to stop talking until they couldn’t stay awake any longer.

He wasn’t supposed to answer the phone, expecting Evie to be asking to meet up, only to hear her choked sobs as soon as he accepted the call.  He wasn’t supposed to ever know what it sounded like to listen to his best friend dying, begging him to pass along her final words.  Between he and Nolan, they’d been able to get her help in time, but he wasn’t supposed to come that close to losing her.

Fuck, this room was making him morbid.  If it was this depressing for him, only fifteen minutes into his visit, he couldn’t imagine how it felt for Evie after a month.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a small noise, watching as Evie startled awake.  Her blue eyes were impossibly wide, panicked, pushing herself upright as she tried desperately to catch her breath.

He moved fast, sitting at the top of the bed.  He helped her upright, guiding her to lean on her chest.

He wished Theo or Tinsley were there, they had always been better than him at knowing what to say, how to comfort her.  But he remembered what Nolan had showed him, exaggerating his breathing and rubbing her back until her sobs turned into hiccups, her breaths unsteady but matching his rhythm.

“Hello, sleeping beauty,” he drawled, “you fell asleep on me there.”

Evie blinked at him.

“Finn?  You’re… you’re still here?”

“What can I say, I’m a sucker for the padded cell decor.”

Evie laughed dryly, a perfect replica of her mother’s most judgemental glare as she looked around the room.

“Apparently Eric has a real room,” she said. “A real bed, blue walls, curtains… he gets to have real clothes.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but what makes you so special?”

“I stole my mom’s pills, I guess.  I mean fuck, we both tried to kill ourselves but I don’t eat and wasted Lily fucking van der Woodsen’s overpriced drugs and liquor so Eric gets a hotel room and I get an asylum.”

Finn pulled her in closer at the reminder of what had become, by far, the worst day of his life.

“About that… what happened?”

“I think you know what happened.  You were there, remember?”

“Not going to forget that anytime soon.  Also not letting you avoid the question, you know what I meant.  We spent the entire day together.  Did all the tourist things you usually never ask for, you ate more than half of your dinner, we saw Legally Blonde.  It was the happiest I’d seen you in so long, Eves.  Less than twelve hours later, you’re calling me, dying on your bathroom floor.”

“Oh.  Do we need to do this?”

“Yeah, Evie, we really do.  You know how much I hate serious, emotional shit; I wouldn’t be bringing it up if we didn’t need to.”

Evie sighed, twisting until she was properly curled up in his lap, leaning her head against his chest.

“Things… haven’t been good in a while.  I don’t know…”

“Try.  I know you don’t eat, I assume most of that can be blamed on your mom and Eleanor Waldorf, we don’t need to talk about that right now.  But not eating doesn’t suddenly turn into overdosing in a hotel bathroom. Is it–" exhale. "Is it because of the appointment?”

The Appointment. Two months ago, when Evie had texted him an address and asked him to meet her there, he'd been expecting a cute brunch spot. He hadn't been expecting Planned Parenthood, one of the worst conversations of his life, or a hysterical Evie asking to hold his hand "until it's over." She had stayed with him after that, her not wanting to be alone and him not trusting Lily to actually take care of her. She'd stayed curled up in his bed for a week – thank god his father had been travelling and there'd been no questions to answer – but by the time she'd left, she seemed mostly back to her usual self. Apparently not.

“I just lost control, Finn!  It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal, and you don’t lose control.  Try again.”

“Mom was out on a date when you got dropped me off.  When I woke up, she was just coming back, said she was going out for brunch but wanted to change her clothes first, and that her date was just going to wait in the living room.”

“And then?”

“Geoffrey walked in.”

He didn’t know when Evie had started crying, but he could feel her tears seeping through his shirt.  Understandably, really.  If just hearing Geoffrey’s name sent a chill down his spine, he couldn’t imagine how it had felt for Evie to actually see the man.

“He didn’t–“

“He didn’t try anything,” Evie told him, and Finn let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.  “I hid in Nolan’s room until they left.  Then he and Eric left too and… I don’t know.  I haven’t been okay in a long time and I panicked, I guess?  It wasn’t, like, a plan.  If it was a plan, I would have written a note instead of calling you.  I don’t really remember it, but then I was in my bathroom with about a dozen pill bottles and a few bottles of alcohol.  I wasn’t scared to die, but then I started thinking about the day before and how perfect it was and I didn’t want you to think anything was your fault or that you did something wrong or… I don’t know, I just needed to call you and tell you that.  You know the rest.”

He did.  In excruciating detail.

“And now, here I am.  For… I don’t know, they haven’t actually said how long but I listened to them talk to mom and they said probably a year.”

“A year?  The fuck do you mean you’re going to be here for a year?”

Evie opened her mouth, but Finn cut her off.

“Don’t tell me you’re not sure, Eves.  I know you want to act like nothing happened, but they don’t keep you here for a year for nothing.”

“I’ve been here for a month and I’m still losing weight.  I’m not trying to, they monitor everything I eat, I’m not allowed to work out, I can’t even go to a bathroom alone, but I’m still losing weight.  I don’t – I really don’t know, Finn, no one tells me anything and I only hear bits and pieces – but… I heard that, and then the next day I heard them saying I might not be able to leave.  At least a year, they said, maybe longer.”

“Evie, I–“

“I’m scared, Finn.  I hate it here.  This place makes me want to die, even more than seeing Geoffrey did.  I can’t get better here, but if I don’t get better, they won’t let me leave.”

Her tears had turned to sobs, gasping breaths, shaking in his arms.  He still didn’t know what to do, and tears still scared the shit out of him, but this was Evie.  He had to try.  He was rocking slightly, the way he’d seen Nolan do a hundred times over.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.  It’s going to be okay.”

He kissed her forehead, repeating the mantra for his sake as much as hers.

“How?”

“We’re going to get you better, together.”

“Finn.  Be serious.”

“I am serious.  We’re going to make a plan, right now, and we’re going to get you out of here.  Soon, you’re not spending a year in this hellhole.”

“Right.  You can figure out something that none of these doctors can?”

“These doctors care more about hiding your problems than actually taking care of you.  How’s the food here?”

“Disgusting.  Bland, always tastes kind of fishy even if it isn’t fish, makes Ruby Tuesday seem like the Capital Grille.”

“Which explains a lot.  You deserve better, and your body knows it.  Princesses don’t eat hospital food.”

“Wonderful speech, is there a point?”

“You’re so mean to me,” he teased, and Evie giggled.  “My point is that these so-called doctors don’t know how to feed you.  Now that you’re finally allowed visitors, I’m going to be here every day, and I’m bringing you food.  I’ll see if Nolan can do the same in the mornings, Theo will help, and you know that Tinsley will too once she’s back.”

“Finn, I don’t want to be fat.  Your idea is sweet but…”

“You could gain fifty pounds and still not be fat.  Besides, isn’t gaining a bit of weight still better than being stuck here until you turn eighteen?”

“I don’t think you want me to answer that.”

Fuck.  Look, he’d known that Evie wasn’t doing well, okay?  But maybe he hadn’t realized that it was quite this bad.

“Then I’ll make you a deal.  How much weight do you need to gain before they let you leave?”

“Fifteen pounds.” She looked nauseous at the thought.  “Minimum, and the number could go up if I keep losing weight.”

“So you don’t lose anymore weight.”

“You say that like it’s easy.  What’s your deal?”

“I’ll come here every day.  Nolan can bring you those smoothies you like for breakfast, I’ll bring you something healthy for dinner and a treat for after, and I will sit here on this disgustingly lumpy bed with you while you eat, and keep you distracted until your purging window passes.”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t know how you plan to take over your father’s company if you think that qualifies as a deal.”

He smirked, she was starting to sound like his Evie again.

“You’re such a brat, Evelyn van der Woodsen.  That wasn’t the deal, that’s happening either way.  The deal is that if you put on enough wait to be out of here before the masquerade ball, I’ll take you to Disney World for spring break.”

“What?  You hate Disney!  You once said that it was a gauche money trap for middle class failures to feel like they’d accomplished something with their lives and that if anyone ever saw you there, you would have to leave civilization forever.”

“I did say that.  But you love Disney movies, and you’ve wanted to go there since you were five.  Don’t get me wrong, we’ll be doing it my way, but that’s my first deal.”

“First?”

“Here’s the second: if you keep that fifteen pounds on for the entire school year, you get to plan our entire Europe trip next summer.  Where we go, what we do, what order we do it in.  I’ll go to whatever tourist traps you want, and I won’t complain when you would rather go read every single label in a museum instead of drinking on a beach.  And I’ll carry all of your shopping bags, for the entire trip.”

“Tinsley’s too.”

He should have seen that coming.

“Fine, Tinsley’s too.”

Evie beamed.  “Deal.” Then, softer, “I’ll try, at least.  And Finn?”

He tilted his head, nodding for her to continue.

“Thank you for caring.  I love you.”

Every instinct screamed for him to brush it off.  He had far surpassed his emotional quota for the day, it would have been easy to dismiss her sincerity with a cocky “I know” or “Who doesn’t?”, but he couldn’t.

That was the deal he’d made in the hospital.  When it was just he and Nolan and Eric, waiting desperately for any update.  He’d skipped past denial and anger entirely, latching onto bargaining with the faith of a man far more religious than he’d ever been.  Offering his deal to any deity, any force in the universe that could bring Evie back to him.  If she wakes up, I’ll tell her I love her every day.  I’ll make sure she never doubts how important she is to me, how much I care about her.

And, well, she had woken up.

“I love you too, Evie.”

[i-need-some-advice-on]

Relationship advice?

CW mentions of abuse, SA, eating disorders, illness, disasters

My partner (26m) and I (23nb) have been living together for nearly 3 years. We both have rough pasts, he grew up with abuse, survived a disaster in childhood, moved to this country as a refugee, and struggles with PTSD. He's also struggled with chronic illness since not long after we moved in together. I grew up with abuse, including CSA and animal hoarding, and experienced several instances of SA as a teenager. I also struggle with PTSD, in addition to autism (dx'd in childhood) and chronic illnesses that started when I was a teenager. I use a mobility aid when I'm outside. We are both estranged from our parents, and both moved here as kids so our extended families are overseas. Because it might be relevant, he's Black, I'm white-passing mixed (non-Black).

Since he got sick and hasn't been able to work, I've been financially supporting him on my Disability payment. It's been over 2 years. He has applied for benefits, but he's been denied, and I guess there's not much he can do about that. This isn't really a problem, but it makes the problems more frustrating since I'm making a lot of sacrifices for him. He has had issues with pretty toxic behaviour, like yelling at me, calling me names like "retard", "pathetic", being hypercritical but getting mad at criticism, bringing up my trauma in arguments and downplaying it, downplaying my dx'd health issues, etc.

He has acknowledged that his behaviour in the past was toxic, but he doesn't really take constructive criticism and it feels like he doesn't really think there's anything wrong with his behaviour. I woke up to him the other week yelling things like "go starve yourself and die you fat whore, get bulimia cunt, etc." at the neighbours working in the office upstairs through the ceiling, because he believes they are stomping deliberately because they are racist and ableist and trying to provoke him (possibly true! still a weird reaction), and when I told him that I didn't like waking up to misogynistic shouting, he got mad at me, said he has PTSD and I don't know what it's like, called me thin-skinned, and generally dismissed my concerns. He's aware of my history of eating disorders.

He did say sorry during the day, but in the evening I still wanted to address it. I started by talking about how he's got some big emotions and they seem hard to manage, and he got upset, saying he doesn't have anger issues, he's justified in his anger, etc. I got upset and called him a narcissist, and later a dickhead. I also brought up his past behaviour. He said I have a victim complex, he's the one being victimised, I have "twitter brain" (I deleted twitter over a year ago at his request), that I always bring up the past to make him look bad, I have the same attitude as people who people who complain about protests being disruptive and ask "but do you condemn hamas?", he's objectively more traumatised than me, and I'm only upset by his anger because of my implicit biases. It didn't happen this time, but in the past he's knocked a chunk of plaster out of the ceiling and made his knuckles bleed from banging on the ceiling in response to the noise from upstairs.

Since then he's mostly stuck to playing music at full blast on multiple devices and deliberately setting off the fire alarm to annoy them in "protest", while I wear earplugs, and I guess that's a compromise. He has sort of acknowledged that he was wrong but still feels justified overall. I don't really know what to think. Maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion, maybe I should be more concerned, maybe it's all because of his health and trauma and I should let it slide, maybe there's something I can do to help him, maybe there's nothing I can do. He is sweet most of the time, I love him, but living with him can be so stressful and I don't know how to get him to understand that.

I'm planning on moving home to be closer to family, and he's planning to move after he sorts out his visa. It's also a better country to live in geopolitically and in terms of quality of life than where we live now. I've been hoping to help him get there before addressing all this, since we'll be in a more stable position overall and have more resources, but there's still months before I'll be able to move. What should I do?

.

[lakesbian]

worm content warnings 4 @sh12pen-bookfan

bigotry: - this post lists what's probably most of the CWs pertaining to authorial bigotry - there are nazi characters which means racism/antisemitism/etc are depicted on-screen - also a variety of 2011-typical sprinklings of in-universe ableism/homophobia/transphobia/etc

body horror & violence: - more bug horror than anything ever due to the protagonist is a teenage girl with a lot of repressed rage, creative capacity, and the ability to control bugs with her mind - misc. other Remarkably Creative Gore due to it is a book with people with superpowers in it, many of whom fucking suck + are extremely creative about their ability to fucking suck, and it plays the capacity 4 violence extremely straight. the writing style is good but not particularly graphic beyond being extremely frank in its detailing of Awful Things That Happen so if you'd be okay with reading a frankly-stated description of what a saw trap does to someone's body then you're okay with reading worm i think - it's the Superpowered People Fighting book so like. lots of people get injured and die badly all of the time. it's great. some animals die badly also

incest & sexual assault: - varying sexual assault, some off-screen, some more directly alluded to or briefly depicted on-screen. no graphic rape or extended sexual violence - as mentioned in the linked post above. This Book Has Amy Dallon In It. i.e lesbian with a crush on her adopted sister who does terrible things about said crush. this isn't a vast portion of the book but, like, it's there and a relevant plot arc - alluded-to/mentioned csa, (prevented/interrupted) misogynistic sexual violence

some misc. shit that i don't have multiple bulletpoints for--being in this section does not necessarily make it less or more prevalent: - emetophobia (characters occasionally gag or vomit, The Barf Monster is fought at some point, a character is forced to eat semi-cartoonish vomit at some point) - character is alluded to having an eating disorder, health impacts and some disordered behavior are portrayed - main character is a bullying victim, bullying is depicted in extensive depth - it's the traumagenic superpowers book, all relevant characters are traumatized & thoroughly depicted as such--a thorough gamut of trauma responses are depicted, most frequently passively suicidal + self-harming behavior. but, like, everything else from paranoia/hypervigilance to manipulative behavior or anger to cycles of abuse are on the table too - child abuse/neglect. really all types of abuse in general - uh. here

[sevenmoreminutes]

what is dog sees god i am fascinated

peanuts yaoi cw for suicide homophobia animal death ableist slurs racial slurs homophobic slurs fatphobia and mentions of eating disorders csa and school shootings heres the script

[unhingedselfships]

YakKimi Kadokura-verse Masterlist Pt2

Undated (I can provide where they fit if asked, but its largely irrelevant in most cases)

Kadokura 'shoots' Kimi, for medical reasons aka arthritis sucks

Touching up the dye job

Kimi's bad parenting part one of many

Mio loves her Uncle Kenshi, and also knives

Mio coerces Kadokura into a zoo trip

Cherry Blossom Festival cuteness

Kimi talks about one of the worst nights of her life (cw:grief, discussion of reaction to death)

Kimi talks about a different terrible night in vaguer terms (cw:past CSA mention)

Kimi just really hates seafood

Why Kenshi wears turtlenecks

Kimi can't temperature regulate for shit

When the pain hits 10

Kimi is needy when sad

Not the first loss (cw:pregnancy loss/miscarriage)

Kimi has some food related trauma (cw:eating disorder mention)

Affair accusations are common, and unfounded

Kimi is stubborn and will use windows as entry points

Kadokura is not amused with the girls antics (NSFT/Smut)

Kenshi killed someone Kimi knows

Kimi's filter vanishes when sufficiently drunk

Kimi is pregnant and why yes her hair is more important than you

Kimi is pregnant again and yes, she is still more important

The kids see Kenshi all messy and Kichi has questions

Yayoi actually goes to bat not exactly for Kimi but kinda

Kimi is really a terrible parent

Kimi believes in soulmates

One should be careful when handling a fanatic

Dumbass got herself shot (cw: gun violence, blood, dissociation)

Kimi thinks of impossible things and gets sad

The marriage thing is complicated ok?

Kimi says something about Airi that was meant to be left unsaid

Kimi really likes how Kenshi looks in red

Kenshi has weird coping mechanisms and Kimi helps (cw: choking)

Kimi also has weird coping mechanisms and also knows other people (cw: choking)

Pigs will eat anything, be wary of pig farmers (cw: death)

Kimi has body issues and Kenshi can be sweet in his way

Kenshi really likes Kimi's body in his own odd way

Kimi is jealous and fussy

Kimi cannot hold her alcohol for shit

Phe hates Kadokura but she wants Kimi to be happy

Kimi forgets that she is into some rough shit and startles Kenshi (cw: implied consensual rough sex/kink)

Kimi gushes about Kenshi to a random party goer

Teenage Airi is an absolute shit, we love him for it

Kimi has a dirty mouth and dirtier thoughts (cw: explicit discussion of smut)

Kimi dreams about a wedding that she believed would never happen

This girl is absolutely smitten, its almost gross (NSFT/smut)

Kimi gets drunk and nippy

Making up stories about Kenshi's scars

Main timeline Kimi has a dream about Yakuza Kadokura and yeah (cw: kinks)

Kimi was dumb, got hurt, and tried to hide it

Kimi's only real form of exercise

Kenshi has a very vivid dream and wakes up needy (NSFT/Smut)

Kimi gets drugged and freaks out (cw: involuntary drug use)

Kenshi gets tired of Kimi being horny all the time

Kimi was planning that wedding for ages

She worked very hard on a dress she never thought she'd wear

AUs

Chibi-hime and Mommy-chan (Sagawa lives somehow AU)

Kimi maybe dies and its very sad

YakuKura-Verse, Kimi is autistic as hell

Daigo has a different answer to the affair rumors

YK- Kimi learns she has a kink

YK- Kimi learns she has another kink (NSFT/smut)

YK - In which Kimi was a virgin (NSFT/smut)

YK- Kimi goes fully unhinged in a jealous fit (cw: blood, death, dissociation)

YK - kimi is possessive and unhinged and yakuza!kadokura is ok with that Majimemegoro Exclusive!

YK - Kimi goes fully unhinged in a protective fit (cw: gun violence, death, blood)

YK - Kimi goes fully unhinged because she has just lost the plot (cw: gun violcence, gang violence)

YK - Kimi gets a new knife, and shows it off

MASTER LIST PT 1

[constellations-crew]

TWs/CWs:

RAMCOA, TBMC, SA, CSA, COCSA, C-PTSD, abuse (psychological, physical, s*xual, animal), child t*rture, trauma dumps, vents, drug and alcohol use, SH/SI, disordered eating

DNI list:

-General DNI (homophobia, transphobia, racism, MAPs, z**philes, proshippers, ableism, etc)

-People who do not believe in DID or OSDD, fakeclaimers, those who do not believe/support fictives/introject heavy systems

-Supports non-traumagenic/endo systems

-Anyone who wants to "date" our alters. No.

-IRLs and "reality shifters"

Basic information about us:

-Polyfragmented (unknown number of alters, at least 130 at last count)

-Survivor and escapee of RAMCOA under a CSEM organization

-Body age 19, pisces ♓

-Pronouns they/them

Frequently fonting alters:

-Primary host: Chloe

-Secondary hosts: Jay, Raine

-Tertiary hosts: Dexter, Holmes, Delilah, Natalie

-Primary fragments (nearly always one being co-con): Abram, Azazel, Belial, Ezekiel, Zechariah

-Secondary fragments (frequently co-fronting, co-con): FORGET, Void, MachineHead, Amethyst

[rapture-core]

Be Not Afraid!

Greetings! I'm [anonymous], they/them, 21, queer apostate agnostic-raised-Christian-fundy. This is a personal sideblog dedicated to (almost exclusively reblogs of) Southern Gothic, Liminal Space and religious trauma-related posts and aesthetics.

please DNI if you are not 16+

↓ ↓ ↓ content warnings + more info under the cut ↓ ↓ ↓

CONTENT WARNINGS

CWs for this entire blog include, but are not limited to:

Religious trauma and abuse

Apocalyptic themes

Self-loathing

Unhealthy attachment styles

Occult imagery

Blood and horror elements

and I am not in the habit of tagging things :(

I steer clear of posts encouraging self-harm or eating disorders, though I can't guarantee that this blog will be free of the subject matter itself. I do not post about SA/CSA.

I also actively try to avoid "coquette/girlblogger/female hysteria"-type stuff as much as I can; though some of my reblogs may be tagged as such by the OP, they are not necessarily related to those aesthetics. (Seriously... why are you people spam-tagging your Carrie posts with #Lana Del Rey?? Am I missing something???)

This blog intends to be a safe space for anyone of any religious creed or lack thereof, however......

PRO-ED, FULTS, MAPS/NOMAPS, RADQUEERS, TERFS (and bigots in general) WILL BE BLOCKED!

Thank you for reading. I hope we all get better soon. 🫂

[stardustroleplays]

Rules & About

Obviously I can't stop you from interacting if you aren't open enough about your views to get blocked, but know that bigotry of any kind is not welcome here. I can and will use the block button very liberally in that regard.

I only write with people who are 18 or older.

That being said, romance and smut are NEVER a requirement. I'm just as happy roleplaying familial, platonic or hostile relationships. For example, just because one of my characters might have a romantic dynamic with a canon character in one thread with one user, doesn't mean I aim for or even want that every single time. Please tell me about your expectations and boundaries!

I am primarily a mobile user, so I don't have access to tumblr's desktop functions, including cutting posts. For this reason, if you want to do a longer rp, I highly prefer using discord. Feel free to dm me for it!

If we had a thread going on/were plotting, and I stop responding randomly, you are 100% allowed to spam me. Chances are that my ADHD just got the better of me and I either forgot or thought I already replied. Sorry in advance!

English is not my native language, so if I sound a bit stilted or my grammar is off, that's why. If you ever need me to clarify something, let me know. I promise I won't be mad.

While I've been roleplaying for a few years (around seven, I think?) and have found rp partners on tumblr before, that was always done via rp finders. I've never actually had a dedicated rp blog before, so please bear with me while I figure this all out. lol

My limits with regards to story beats are child abuse, especially CSA, self-harm (especially cutting), religion-based queerphobia, and eating disorders. While I don't mind these themes coming up as, for example, parts of a character's backstory, I would prefer not to have them as a focal point within the roleplay.

With regards to kinks, my hard limits are piss, scat, anything else involving excrements or bodily fluids, feet, raceplay, diapers, and mutilation. For any other kinks that might be a bit "out there" for lack of a better word, feel free to straight up ask if I'm comfortable roleplaying them. I can promise that even if I'm not into them, I won't judge you. I'd be a hypocrite if I did.

"cw: X" is the format I use to tag any potentially triggering content. If you need me to tag anything specifically, or I forgot to tag a post, please let me know!!

I'm semi-lit to advanced lit and tend to match my partner's length. That being said, if you're the sort of person who prefers short replies, that's cool too, I don't mind at all. Don't feel pressured to write more than you are able to.

Most of my OCs are fandomless. The ones that aren't will be clearly marked as such. If you want to do a non-fandom roleplay with a fandom OC of mine, let me know and we'll work something out!

I'm generally very flexible when it comes to character lore, and I love AUs, so if you want me to change a few things about my characters to make our verses fit together better, I'm open to that.

Don't expect any fancy formatting. I'm screen blind and graphic design is the bane of my existence.

About Me

Hi, I'm Zenith, but you can also call me Stardust or Dusty. I'm 22 years old and my pronouns are they/them.

I like houseplants, the colors blue and green, and my girlfriend :) and I'm really not that exciting of a person. i also work weird hours and have chronic insomnia, so if i'm online at weird and inconsistent times, that's why.

[red-butterfly-project]

💀 THE FACTS 💀

🖤🩷 Demigirl - She/Her/They 🩷🖤

ADHD/Autistic/BPD/C-PTSD/CSA Survivor/Eating Disorder

☠️☠️ In my 30's. Minors DNI ☠️☠️

🩷 5'3" 🩷

☠️ HW: 290 ☠️

🩷 LW: 115 🩷

☠️ SW (Jan 2024): 188 ☠️

🖤 CW: 179 🖤

🩷 Met Goals: 185 - 180 🩷

☠️ Goals: 175 - 170 - 165 - 160 - 155 - 150 - 145 - 140 - 135 - 130 - 125 - 120 - 115 ☠️

🩷 Ideal GW: 100 🩷

[sevenmoreminutes]

!!! MESSAGE TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DONT KNOW WHAT THIS IS BECAUSE THIS WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO ESCAPE CONTAINMENT !!!

this is dog sees god: confessions of a teenage blockhead (2004) written by bert v royal. it is an unauthorized off broadway play about the characters from peanuts being in highschool and being the worst people alive. its terrible its really bad but unfortunately i have mental illness and its one of my favorite things in the world. if you want to know more about it you should read the script, and if you cant read you can watch the production from the above video here (but you really should read the script) if you do warning its very very 2004. cw for suicide homophobia animal death ableist slurs racial slurs homophobic slurs (obviously) fatphobia and mentions of eating disorders csa and school shootings. bye