#cycle syncing tips

[daportalpractitioner]

the 4 moon cycles: red moon cycle

there are four cycles that a woman can be on — the white, pink, red, or purple moon cycle. each cycle is represented by a different archetype and the type of cycle that you're in indicates what you should be focusing your energy on in that cycle.

the red moon cycle is for those that bleed with the full moon and ovulate with the nu moon. the full moon represents a time of culmination + fullness, making the lunar energy very potent which plays an empowering role on full moon bleeders. full moon bleeders remind me of werewolf energy — bleeding with the full moon invites you to unleash the good, the bad, and the ugly which is representative of the primordial goddess or the black madonna. she harnesses everything that makes her whole no matter what the external perception is projected towards her. she honors her darkness when everyone else chooses to demonize it.

red moon cycle sisters are invigorated with the moon's potent energy as the moon is at its highest peak in the cycle, which can be overwhelming at times. higher emotions, higher awareness that no longer blinds you with the veil of what's on the other side, and stronger urges to release the past and step into an energy of rebranding and unleashing the never-ending layers of your most authentic you. embrace the intensifying inner fire that is arises in order to purify you and give you permission to channel that creative energy into something tangible and sustainable. it's your world, baby.

during your cycle, lots of alone time and setting boundaries are ideal. especially if you are feeling an urge to rebrand yourself and reinvent your life, solitude is best to receive that clarity. your cycle should be selfishly about you and tending to those desires that are going to only uplift you and catapult you forward. i highly suggest indulging in your creative endeavors to redirect that sacral energy that is generating within. not only should your creative energy be used to create nu life, but you have the energy and the potential to create a nu world for you to live in.

this cycle is associated with the dark feminine archetype. this archetype is demonized in society because truth is, the world is still fearful of the dark. don't be afraid to dive deep into the depths of who you are in order to retrieve your golden power — your goddess energy. it is with that goddess energy where you are able to abundantly create without any limitations or bounds. the dark feminine embodies the energy of source which is All and there are bounds within source. the stakes are higher when you are in this archetype, drawing in more jealousy and envy from others so make sure that you are staying protected and keeping your frequency up!

[nourishcolourwellness]

[eatclean-bewhole]

Ladies, save this one. This your cycle-syncing and hormone balance guide. I will be speaking on this in-depth during my women’s retreat this Saturday. If you are ever going to restore hormone balance, you have to get familiar with your cycle and sync it to the diet and movement that will best support the phase you’re in. I know many of you are dealing with thyroid imbalances, uterine problems (endometriosis, fibroids, etc), infertility issues, and hormone imbalances. I know this because I see a lot of clients for these issues. I’ve experienced them myself, but you CAN heal and restore balance with the know-how and patience.

[yellowivfgurgaon]

Best Foods for Each Phase of the Menstrual Cycle in 2025

Introduction

In recent years, women have increasingly embraced the concept of eating in sync with their menstrual cycle. In 2025, with more awareness around hormone health and holistic wellness, this approach has become a powerful way to naturally boost energy, reduce PMS symptoms, and support reproductive health. Understanding what your body needs during each phase of the cycle can help you feel more balanced, nourished, and in control of your health.

This article walks through the four phases of the menstrual cycle—menstrual, follicular, ovulatory, and luteal—and outlines the best foods to eat during each. Whether you’re trying to manage symptoms or simply feel your best, this cycle-syncing nutrition guide is a great place to start.

1. Menstrual Phase (Days 1–5)

Focus: Nourishment and replenishment

During your period, hormone levels like estrogen and progesterone drop. Your body is losing blood and iron, which can leave you feeling tired or low-energy.

Best Foods for This Phase:

Iron-rich foods: Spinach, lentils, red meat, beets, and pumpkin seeds help replenish lost iron.

Hydrating fruits: Watermelon, cucumber, and oranges support hydration.

Warm, comforting meals: Soups, stews, and herbal teas are easy to digest and provide comfort.

Dark chocolate (in moderation): Can help boost mood and reduce cravings thanks to magnesium.

📝 Tip: Focus on rest and eating nutrient-dense meals that support recovery.

2. Follicular Phase (Days 6–14)

Focus: Energy and metabolism boost

Estrogen starts to rise, bringing a surge in energy. Your metabolism becomes more efficient, and your mood often improves.

Best Foods for This Phase:

Fresh fruits and vegetables: Berries, carrots, leafy greens for antioxidants and fiber.

Lean proteins: Eggs, chicken, fish to help build and repair tissue.

Whole grains: Quinoa, oats, and brown rice for sustained energy.

Probiotic foods: Yogurt, kimchi, and kefir support gut health, which ties directly to hormone balance.

📝 Tip: This is a great time for trying new activities or ramping up your fitness routine.

3. Ovulatory Phase (Days 15–17)

Focus: Supporting fertility and hormonal peak

Ovulation occurs during this short window. Estrogen peaks, and testosterone rises slightly, increasing libido and confidence.

Best Foods for This Phase:

Zinc-rich foods: Pumpkin seeds, seafood, and legumes support ovulation.

Vitamin C foods: Bell peppers, citrus, and strawberries for immunity and collagen production.

Cruciferous veggies: Broccoli, cauliflower, and kale help the liver detox excess estrogen.

Healthy fats: Avocados, olive oil, and nuts keep hormones balanced.

📝 Tip: Stay hydrated and focus on anti-inflammatory foods during this hormonal peak.

4. Luteal Phase (Days 18–28)

Focus: Supporting progesterone and reducing PMS

After ovulation, progesterone levels rise. This phase is where many women experience PMS symptoms, such as mood swings, bloating, or cravings.

Best Foods for This Phase:

Complex carbs: Sweet potatoes, brown rice, and oats help stabilize blood sugar.

Magnesium-rich foods: Dark leafy greens, bananas, and almonds reduce cramps and improve mood.

Calcium: Yogurt, sesame seeds, and tofu can ease irritability and fatigue.

Herbal teas: Chamomile or peppermint for relaxation and digestion.

📝 Tip: Limit caffeine and processed sugars, which can worsen PMS symptoms.

Cycle-Syncing Meal Planning Tips

Keep a journal of symptoms and energy levels to track how your body responds to different foods.

Batch cook hormone-supportive meals ahead of time for your menstrual or luteal phases.

Adjust portion sizes based on your hunger, which may increase in the luteal phase.

Conclusion

By tuning into your menstrual cycle and adjusting your nutrition accordingly, you can support your hormones, boost energy, and manage symptoms more naturally. In 2025, with access to better knowledge and resources, cycle-syncing your meals is one of the most empowering things you can do for your body.

Whether you're focused on fertility, energy, or overall well-being, this approach helps you feel more in sync and more in control—every single month.

[togetbetterblog]

Cycle syncing guidebook

@togetbetterblog

Interested in cycle syncing and living in accordance with your menstrual cycle, instead of fighting against it? Here are the basics of foods & optimal activities to help you reduce/manage PMS & hormonal fluctuations.

Personally this was the first bleed I’ve had where I haven’t had to take any OTC pain relief. Here’s what I followed:

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, I can only say that eating this way has worked for me. these foods are only suggestions and should be part of a balanced diet. If you have any restrictive eating habits and you’ve found your way here - this is not a way to control or restrict your food further. You are doing ur body a disservice. Please choose recovery.

Follicular phase

13-14 days ᯓ★ Inner spring

Activity levels are rising, try jogging, hiking & flow yoga

Foods

oats, barely, broccoli, artichoke, carrot, romaine lettuce, peas, green beans, zucchini, avocado, lemon, lime, orange, plum, pomegranate, cherry, lychee

split peas, mung bean, brazil nut, cashews, pumpkin seeds, flax seeds, nut butter, olives, pickles, sauerkraut, kimchi, chicken eggs, clam, crab, trout

Ovulatory phase

3-4 days ᯓ★ Inner summertime

Activity levels are at an all time high. increased sex drive & sociability. Try out HIIT training, spin classes/kickboxing

Foods

Quinoa, asparagus, capsicum, brussel sprouts, dandelion, eggplant, spinach, tomato, apricot, cantaloupe, coconut, fig, guava, strawberry, raspberry

red lentil, almond, pecan, pistachio, sesame, sunflower seeds, lamb, salmon, tuna, shrimp, turmeric

Luteal phase

10-14 days ᯓ★ Inner autumn

Activity levels are starting to fall (like the leaves). You may start to feel more introverted. Pilates, strength training and flow yoga are all recommended during this time.

Foods

Brown rice, millet, cabbage, cauliflower, celery, cucumber, ginger, garlic, onion, pumpkin, sweet potato, watercress, apple, date, peach, pear, rasin, chickpeas, navy beans

pine nuts, walnuts, ssseame, sunflower, beef, turkey, cod, flounder, halibut, mint, peppermint, spirulina

Menstrual phase

3-7 days ᯓ★ Inner winter

Activity levels are at their lowest during this time. You may benefit from walks in nature, meditation and gentle yoga

Foods

Buckwheat, wild rice, beetroot, kale, kelp, mushroom, blackberry, blueberry, cranberry, watermelon, adzuki beans, kidney beans

chestnut, pumpkin seeds, flax seeds, duck, pork, catfish, clam, lobster, mussel, oyster, scallop, squid, miso, sea salt, liquid aminos

[angelaness]

020525

Cycle Syncing 101: How to Stop Fighting Your Body and Start Flowing (🌚) With It

alright girls, gather ‘round. this is the full post i promised - the one about periods, moods, energy, and how to actually live in sync with your cycle instead of feeling like a chaotic mess every month. because once i started tracking and understanding my cycle… it changed everything. for real. my workouts, my eating, my planning, my self-talk all became softer, smarter, more strategic. so let's break it down.

your menstrual cycle has 4 main phases, and each one brings its own vibe, mood, superpowers, and kryptonite. when you know which phase you’re in, you stop blaming yourself and start working with your body, not against it. ready?

1. Menstrual Phase (Bleeding / Days 1–5ish)

Vibe: hibernation queen. inward. reflective.

Body: hormones (estrogen + progesterone) are at their lowest = low energy, fatigue, cramps, sensitivities.

Mind: introspective, quiet, intuitive. this is your “truth-telling” time.

What to do:

Exercise: restorative yoga, stretching, slow walks. if you need to skip your workout? skip it. your body is doing enough.

Food: iron-rich foods (spinach, lentils, beef, dark chocolate), warm meals like soups and stews. magnesium-rich snacks can help with cramps.

Routines: go slow. journal. say no to extra plans. light candles. wear comfy clothes. treat yourself like you're sacred.

Study/work: focus on review, reflecting on past tasks, journaling ideas. let your brain rest a bit—don’t force deep concentration.

Self-care: warm baths, heat pads, soft music, no loud people.

Mental tip: you’re bleeding out the past month. literally. let go of what didn’t serve you. Zdont feel guilty.

2. Follicular Phase (Post-period / Days 6–13ish)

Vibe: fresh start. springtime energy. main character in a coming-of-age film.

Body: estrogen rises. energy builds. skin glows. you feel light, optimistic, social.

Mind: creative, motivated, open to new ideas.

What to do:

Exercise: try something new—dance, pilates, running, gym sessions. you’ll feel strong and energetic.

Food: fresh and light—greens, fermented foods, seeds, citrus. boost that metabolism.

Routines: this is your reset phase. declutter. plan your week/month. start new habits. your brain wants structure right now.

Study/work: brainstorm, start new projects, prep for heavy tasks ahead. your memory and focus are sharper.

Self-care: vision boards, hair masks, cute outfits. say yes to life.

Mental tip: this is your most productive phase. take advantage but don’t overbook. pace yourself.

3. Ovulation Phase (Middle of Cycle / Days 14–16ish)

Vibe: glowing goddess. seductive. unstoppable.

Body: estrogen peaks, testosterone joins the party. libido spikes. you’re magnetic and bold.

Mind: communicative, charming, high-confidence. great time to network or confront someone (with love, of course).

What to do:

Exercise: go hard—HIIT, lifting, cardio, group workouts. you’ve got power and endurance.

Food: fiber-rich foods (quinoa, carrots, berries) and antioxidants. hydrate well.

Routines: do your “hard” things here—presentations, big meetings, social stuff, shooting your shot.

Study/work: speak, pitch, debate. you’ve got clarity + persuasion.

Self-care: romanticize yourself. take hot pics, go out, flirt with life.

Mental tip: your confidence is real. don’t downplay it. enjoy this phase but stay grounded.

4. Luteal Phase (Pre-period / Days 17–28ish)

Vibe: cozy but moody. nesting energy.

Body: progesterone rises after ovulation. if no pregnancy happens, hormones start to drop = PMS hits.

Mind: detail-focused, critical, sensitive. easily overstimulated.

What to do:

Exercise: lower the intensity. pilates, strength training, long walks. listen to your body.

Food: complex carbs (sweet potatoes, oats), calming teas, B6-rich foods (bananas, salmon). eat more often to manage cravings + blood sugar dips.

Routines: finish tasks. organize. clean your space. prep for your period like you’d prep for a storm—lovingly.

Study/work: editing, detail work, wrapping up loose ends. less is more.

Self-care: limit caffeine, go offline if needed, soothe your senses.

Mental tip: don’t trust every thought. the inner critic is loud but not always right. softness wins here.

General Tips:

Track your cycle: use apps like Clue, Flo, or just a paper calendar. know when each phase starts so you can plan smarter.

Plan around your phases: big goals in follicular/ovulation, rest + review in menstrual/luteal.

Cycle syncing ≠ perfection: life doesn’t always let you live like a hormone princess. do what you can. forgive what you can't.

Be kind to yourself: if your body is low-energy, that’s not laziness—it’s biology. honor it.

Final Thoughts:

nobody told us this. nobody said “hey, your whole system is a monthly pattern, learn the rhythm and life gets easier.” instead, we got shame, pain, and whispers. but no more. now we know better. and syncing your life to your cycle is not about being soft—it’s about being smart. strategic. in tune.

girlhood isn’t chaos, insanity, it’s coded. and when you read the code, you stop feeling like a mess and start feeling like magic.

if you made it this far, you’re already syncing, baby.

go be soft when you need, strong when it calls, and sacred always💕

[jesuistrestriste]

Android art whos dick is changeable…just hear me out ok😭

cw (18+) : android!art, fake cocks that art buys for mutual benefits

the android engineers coming out with a variety of detachable “appendages”. thick ones, long ones, short ones, skinny ones; squishy (and firm) in all the right places and all the right ways, too. once an android attaches one to the port at the front of their pelvis, they can sync with the sensation simulator built into the fake dick in order to “feel” the temperature, tightness, and dampness of whatever orifice they choose to slide themself into.

android!art buys only one of the add-ons at first, has a mind-blowing orgasm (the android version of one) from finally getting to penetrate and please you, and then goes out the next day to purchase three more. one is ribbed, another is two-and-a-half inches longer that the original one you two tried, and the third vibrates.

he puts you through the mattress that same night while he continuously cycles through the three new toys, your name on his lips and his hand pressing over your tummy, feeling himself inside of your walls. his moans are so loud and desperate—anguished, even—that you have to stick your fingers in his mouth just to save his vocal systems the strain. he sucks them like he’ll die if you pull them away. the noises he lets out turn staticky when he comes; wet, broken, crackling in his chest as he pummels your wetness. the LED ring on his temple blinks and shifts red every time he tips over the edge with a keening cry and spills the flavored lubricant as deep as he can reach.

“tell me you like it when i’m inside you,” he shakes, “please, tell me—i need to hear it, i need to hear it so badly, i feel like im falling apart—!”

[daportalpractitioner]

cycle syncing guide: full moon in capricorn

the first full moon in capricorn this year will be on june 21, 2024 at 8:08 PM CST. because the moon will be at 1° capricorn, some themes we can see are: setting intentions for success, practical action, our attitude towards masculine energy, self-induced limitations, business ventures, taking life more seriously, and entering our boss babe era without compromising your femininity

bleed phase: red moon cycle sisters are reclaiming their power by removing and no longer applying outdated beliefs rooted in patriarchy to the life that they want. you are recognizing your magick and finally stepping into true godishood. removing this blockage will only give you more clarity and insight on your earthly mission(s). this is an opportunity to step into a cycle of preparation for being your lineage's next matriarch. honor your womb this full moon and pay homage to your matriline for they are empowering you with this liberating perspective on life. it is not slaving away, being drained, and working against your cycle that will make you successful — it's being in tune with your inner rhythm, honoring where your energy levels are at, giving yourself grace + not making life all about work that will.

follicular phase: this is a productive time in your cycle where you are being fueled with the potent energy of the full moon to pump the gas on whatever you are striving towards. if you have been struggling with motivation and discipline, now is the time to regain clarity on why you're invested in this endeavor in the first place. even as goddesses, its important that we know how to utilize our masculine energy to get what we want out of life. remove yourself from the energy of laziness + stop acting like you don't got a purpose here. i'd focus on solar plexus healing during the full moon so that you can be invigorated with the energy to get to the bag + live in your successful reality.

ovulatory phase: ovulating sisters are in sync with the full moon and can use this full moon energy to powerfully manifest nu beginnings in business ventures, becoming financially stable and independent, and just attract successes in anything they've been working hard for (emphasis on working hard for). if you're ready to be in your abundant reality where money is no longer a fear of a blockage to you living your best life, then this full moon is inviting you to timeline jump. this is a great full moon for a road opener ritual or steady income spell. use this full moon to take that first practical step towards manifesting a nu reality. if you're able, share your gifts/business, apply for that job, + stop operating in self-sabotage.

luteal phase: luteal sisters are slowing down and becoming more introspective, making this a full moon of revelations to promote shadow work. dark feminine energy has been a huge theme in recent years because of the shift thats taking place, moving us back into a feminine society. it's time to address the fears associated with dark feminine energy so that you can accept it into your being and free yourself from the psychological enslavement of patriarchal ideologies and lifestyles. it's time to be unapologetically selfish so that you can show up for you + what you love authentically and passionately. this full moon is calling you back into your innate power so that you can sustain yourself thru the revolution taking place today. no need to fear when change is already here.

[thesensteawitch]

A L♡VE Reading You'll Never Forget 🕊️🤍

(Left to Right- Pile 1, Pile 2

Pile 3, Pile 4)

Pick A Pile Reading

Hey, my lovely Senstea Souls!🥹🫶🏻 It took me a lottttttttt of time to write this reading for you. So stick till the end. This reading is divided into 4 parts:

- Your Past Lives Love Energy

- Your Present Life Love Energy

- Your Future Life Love Energy

- Yes OR No Question (Think of a Yes or No Question after picking your pile that will be answered in the end.)

Find the EXTENDED of this reading on my PATREON.

To book a personal tarot reading with me you can refer to these links:

Rate Card • Booking Form • Tip My Blog

Pile 1

Your Past Lives Love Energy

As I am starting this reading, it's 1:23. I see the energy of multiple suitors/lovers in your reading. Maybe because we are tapping into your past lives, that's why so many energies are desperate to be seen. And perhaps that was exactly the case with you. So many people wanted your attention, and you did show them affection, but they all weren't a perfect match. The suitors you came across weren't the first time you met them. You knew them, again, from another lifetime. No heart dares to sync with another if not already carrying an unfinished story. These stories were desperate to find their climax (good or bad doesn't matter). But it wasn't about them; it was about you. Your life looked really fun from the outside. Anyone who would witness your life would think that you've got everything. Deep down you were very intelligent, fair, and even intuitive, but when it came to expressing what's there in your heart, you could only express it in tears. No word made sense to you, and these cycles kept repeating, and love remained a fantasy between many choices you had.

Moving on was a task you would dedicate to a single lifetime. It was enormously challenging for you to not see the beauty in another, and hence, you found it terribly difficult to let go. You're from that era where Katherine Pierce once innocently said, “If we cease to believe in love, why would we want to live?” Don't get me wrong, fairytale love is real, but if it's a fantasy of your mind or if it's really happening in reality for you, it's something you need discernment to understand. Your soul has crossed paths with many lovers looking for justice in love without realizing that it's you who must do justice to yourself first. You ask me how? By speaking up. By learning how to communicate the depth you feel in your heart, because the more you would have spoken, the easier it could have been for you to see the truth and let go.

Your Present Life Love Energy

All the hard work that you avoided in previous lifetimes has joined hands with your fate to fall upon you in this lifetime. Fate hasn't been all cruel to you in this lifetime but has helped you by igniting the curiosity within you to understand human psychology and even relationship dynamics. You may be a keen reader in this lifetime or someone who loves to gather information on different subjects. In this lifetime you're very sensitive and a good listener. With age, your intuition is only going to get stronger. There's something about scents too. Either you smell really good or you've got a strong memory attached to different scents. Try smelling different fragrances, and you'll be taken back in time. Currently in your love life you're learning a major lesson about being patient because you're doing the healing work you avoided in your past. The divine asks you to not develop pride while waiting for the one because you may end up feeling that you don't need anyone at all. Do you see the polarity? Your soul has been so tired looking for love that now, when it's finally being forced to heal and is realizing the magic of healing, you may end up feeling you don't need anyone at all. If you look from a healthy point of view, then you do need someone. And deep down you still do; it's just your ego trying to protect you from going through the same painful cycle again. Heal that ego too. Currently I see karma being balanced in your love life. You and those you crossed paths with are receiving what they have sown. The justice you once sought is happening behind the scenes while you're healing and learning to surrender. Currently where you're at in your love life isn't easy, and it even makes you furious at times, but in the end, it's going to be worth it. All the innocence that you lost is going to come back to you. I don't know why I keep seeing Katherine Pierce from Vampire Diaries in my mind. She too lost her innocence believing that love is everything and ended up running from it eventually. The sun is shining so bright while I'm writing this, and you also have the sun card in the end with the 10 of cups on the bottom. The color yellow is very prominent in your reading. Maybe the song “Yellow” has some messages for your current reality. Rainbows and angels are also very significant. Why do I feel like you've been looking for a lover that divine promise you'll find in this realm? And it's been lifetimes. Tiring, isn't it? You're so innocent by heart, pile 1. Did God tell you that first you'll have to go through these trials and learn a few lessons? Stubborn child, you don't listen either, but now you're listening attentively. If God would have told you what you would have to go through to unite with your person, you would have never taken on this long journey.

Your Future Life Love Energy & Yes OR No Question (Think of a Yes or No Question after picking your pile that will be answered in the end.) are available on my Patreon. Go check out the extended version of this reading.

Pile 2

Your Past Lives Love Energy

In your past life, I see a betrayal in your married life. Now either you betrayed or you were betrayed; take it how it resonates because this same energy may have been carried in this lifetime as well. Nevertheless, let's look into your past lives first. Ah! Now I get it. In every lifetime, you two are fated to meet to heal this wound of betrayal. But you don't heal or forgive or choose self-love but rather keep betraying one another in every lifetime. In one lifetime you betrayed this person, and then in another they betrayed you. This way the roles just kept reversing. I feel that your ego was too big to accept your mistake in your past lives. Divine was testing your commitment to your self-respect, but again, in another lifetime, you chose this person. You and your person were a mirror to each other. You were so similar yet so different. You two were meant to heal in separation, but you chose to get married. I see this energy of young love. I literally heard, “'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love. Not knowing what it was...” This love was naive but full of passion. You both never dared to understand the depth of true love but mistook love for passion and adventure. And as you both grew up, all those dreams felt like mere fantasy, where love that could have bloomed into something more suffocated between ego and otherworldly responsibilities. And one of them was your kids. After having kids, both of your lives changed, and even the passion was lost in your connection. I also see that you or your partner wanted a baby boy or girl, but the gender wasn't what he/she expected. Another reason for conflict in your connection. It's also possible that you had to marry because you or your person got pregnant before marriage. Many red flags were overlooked in this connection because you both married young or were young at heart/not much experienced in love. I am also sensing that you both were somewhat religious or spiritual in previous lifetimes. Maybe your marriages were even fixed when you were kids because of similar backgrounds or beliefs, but as you grew up and gained maturity, you realized that what you two had was everything but love.

Your Present Life Love Energy

In your present life the divine is giving you a chance to let go of a karmic connection present in your life. Whenever you try to move on, this person appears. I feel you both have an unhealthy attachment to each other. I also see hidden love. You or your partner are in love with someone else but still can't let go of this past connection. This cycle just keeps on repeating. No matter how much one invests in this connection, it just never blooms. Again, as I said, there's passion, attraction, but no love. Literally no cups card came out this time, which shows emotions. Only security, a false sense of safety, and undeniable attraction toward each other. Whatever this is, it's not good. The universe is nudging you to take the first step and get yourself out of this connection. Don't wait for the other person to end this connection or just because they come back doesn't mean it's meant to be. In this lifetime, this cycle must end. The card at the bottom of my oracle literally says, “Don't let your past hold you back.”

Your aura has been affected by this connection immensely. Both of you feel like you're not good enough. You've spent so many lifetimes with this person that you don't believe that there's a higher form of love out there for you. So you both just keep settling for each other. If you've been seeing too many angel numbers or signs regarding this person, then the universe is pushing you to let go. You need to cut through the illusion. You both can only heal in separation. I don't know who is reading this, but I feel that the masculine tries to move on, but the feminine keeps coming back in this lifetime. I also heard, “No matter how much is given to the other person, the greed never ends!”

Even in this lifetime you've got similar beliefs. For some good reason, you both are being given strength by the divine to overcome the challenges and let go of this connection. The end of this connection must happen for your new lives to begin otherwise this will just keep on going. One of you is really desperate. This person can't let go at all. Even I feel exhausted with this energy. I hear, “I really thought you were on my side, but now there's nobody by my side. I need you, I need you, I need you right now. So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down. I think I'm losing my mind now.” One of you just keeps making up fake scenarios in your head.

Your Future Life Love Energy & Yes OR No Question (Think of a Yes or No Question after picking your pile that will be answered in the end.) are available on my Patreon. Go check out the extended version of this reading.

Pile 3

Your Past Lives Love Energy

Your love story begins beautifully but later turns into a war. I heard that you were sold a lie. You were just not betrayed by your person but by many people from your life. They all lied to you about something, and you got played. The responsibility of your relationship was solely carried by you. You were sold dreams that became your worst nightmares. And your person? They were nowhere to be found. You can't even find them in this reading. This is a mess. It can even trigger you, so please read further at your own risk. I will try to be as gentle as possible. You're safe with me, but you can have your own shortcomings, so I'm not going to force you to read further. But if you know you've got the strength to read further, then let's move forward. Some of you were even made to marry multiple partners. This literally destroyed your mental health and sacral chakra. If in this lifetime you often get severe headaches or pain in your lower abdomen, it can be due to this past life energy. Your sacral, third eye, and crown chakras may need healing. It's also possible that in many lifetimes you were tricked into marrying someone or being with someone who wasn't a good match for you. You were kind to everybody, but nobody was kind to you. People took advantage of your kindness. They always had an ulterior motive with you. This has happened to you many times in different lives.

Let's understand why this happened with you. All these people saw your light and were energy vampires. You were too innocent to help yourself or truly see the mask that they were wearing. There was something special about you, and somehow being near you triggered their shadow sides. That's why they did wrong to you. People were drawn to your aura like a moth to a flame. You always had ego clashes with your loved ones. You were the black sheep of your family with no help to understand how to release the heavy energies you were taking on from others'. You've overgiven in love. Your love language was acts of service. You were so devoted that even on your deathbed you would make a cup of coffee for your lover. For some reason I feel I'm looking into your recent past life because I feel something happened even before this. There must be a reason for why all of this happened to you. Opposite genders were highly attracted to you, but no one was in love with you. It's possible that you may have your Venus in the first, sixth, or eighth house. It's also possible you may have Taurus in any of these houses. A lot was taken away from you in your past lives when it comes to love, and yet you still believed in love because your soul knew that love exists. In past lives your love life was no less than a horror movie. But after this, in your present birth, something changes.

Your Present Life Love Energy

Your cards are already so excited to come out. This life is full of wisdom and clarity for you. Your painful past has led to spiritual awakenings in this lifetime. Even in this lifetime, you ended up manifesting similar connections as you were heavily carrying the energy of your past life, but you had divine's full support in helping you come out of the past trauma. Divine has intervened so many times. I also heard, “You're an angel in the shape of my mom. When God takes you back, say hallelujah.” In this lifetime, love means God to you. That's going to be your first definition of love. I already hear your child being so grateful for your existence in the future. I know we are looking at the present, but this message wanted to come forward. I feel you have met many karmic partners even in this lifetime. These could have been really short-term connections because God didn't allow them to be dragged longer. Because this lifetime is all about awakening you to the truth. The more you understand the divine, the more you understand yourself and your past connections. You've gained so much wisdom when it comes to relationships that you can now even guide others.

Currently I do see a blockage in your life to manifest your true love. But there's nothing to worry about, as this blockage is going to soon be illuminated to you. Very soon I see you meeting your true love. One last shadow needs to be dealt with, and this has something to do with your thought patterns. I feel that sometimes you don't believe that the best can unfold for you in your love life. You know that true love exists, but you don't know what it feels like, which is why you can't manifest it. Ah! Okay! Now I get it, pile 3. You are not supposed to think or visualize about your love life at all because somewhere you end up visualizing something that used to happen in your previous connection. If you don't know what divine love or true love feels like, then how can you visualize it? You can't visualize something you've never experienced or even witnessed in your surroundings. You're being guided to only ask the divine to show you or make you feel how the world would look when you're with your true love. And you'll see the physical manifestation of it. Currently you must be noticing love around you, and it makes you think, “Oh, I've been through all this. There's nothing divine about it.” Don't visualize, please, pile 3. God listens to you. Ask God to show you, and I can assure you that you will see a totally different world around you.

You're very close to meeting your person; just don't become too critical of them when you meet them, as you may end up doing that. Because I do see this pile has healed themselves a lot, but this can make you overly critical of others. If there's anything at pause in your life, then it's your love life. But the energy is gaining momentum, and very soon you'll meet your person. Also, I do see someone from the past is still in your energy, and they may show up again. This is going to be your final test before you unite with someone God sends.

Your Future Life Love Energy & Yes OR No Question (Think of a Yes or No Question after picking your pile that will be answered in the end.) are available on my Patreon. Go check out the extended version of this reading.

Pile 4

Your Past Lives Love Energy

Oh my pile 4. You've had so little time for love in your past lifetimes. You were so busy making the ends meet that you never truly got lucky enough to experience true love. You tried to understand love, maybe wrote something on it, but it was filled with sorrow. When people read your words, they cried because they could feel your pain, your loneliness. Your work life brought a lot of success to you but no love. Also, as you tried to understand love intellectually, you could never truly listen to the divine's wisdom on love. All your written work or spoken word had a spark of intelligence but no wisdom. You invested in the wrong relationships in some lifetimes because you were so disconnected from your intuition. In one life you lived a complete life where you had a family, money, kids, and pets, but again, no love. In this particular lifetime, I'm seeing you as a woman. After many lifetimes, your soul wondered what was it really missing to see? What was it doing wrong? It again came back to earth to learn its lesson on love, and yet again it failed. In every lifetime you've experienced all sorts of relationships and yet couldn't find love. In every lifetime, your soul challenged itself and had a relationship totally different from its previous lifetime. You had a limited approach toward love despite investing in a different relationship in a different lifetime. God, pile 4, you were just missing opening yourself up to the infiniteness of this universe. You didn't allow yourself to let go of control for once and let the divine take care of your love life. You were hell-bent on solving this mystery with your limited perception.

But one thing is something that I'm sure of is that in every lifetime you found something new about love, and it brought you one step closer to your destiny: to truly understand love. Some of you even recklessly left for Paris only to understand love. You were very clever in your past lifetimes and thought that love was a competition. You wanted to show the world that somehow your love story is the greatest of all time or better than everyone else's. This may even have led to a downfall of your relationship with your partner. Pile 4, this part of your reading is making me laugh. I mean, your pursuit to understand love is adorable. I heard, “You just want attention; you don't want my heart.” I feel like you've written such long paragraphs on betrayals while you've never been betrayed. You've forced yourself to feel all kinds of love. My God! There should be a movie made on this storyline. It's like your partner didn't even do anything, and you made it a situation overly dramatic only to write something on it later. Hahaha, omg!

Your Present Life Love Energy

In this lifetime you're very conflicted on what you really think of love. If someone asks you what you think of love, you either end up getting into an argument with that person or you just surrender and leave the room. You feel like you know what love means, and yet you're confused. You intellectually know so much, but you don't feel that you can define love in one statement that can fit in every situation. Your one argument contradicts the other. You feel like love is a battle that needs to be won. But all you seek is peace. You're finding it difficult to keep your cool or be patient. I feel even self-love is something you're only intellectually aware of. Your soul is finding it difficult to understand its purpose in this lifetime. Some of you may even be good at psychology but bad at feeling things deeply. Surrender is something that you don't know how to do. Only taking action towards self love is going to bring some changes in your love life. It's also possible that your sun may be weakly placed or debilitated in your chart (sun in Libra). I feel in this lifetime your thoughts never match with your partner. You come off as intellectual, and love needs emotions.

The divine doesn't want you to give up on your pursuit of understanding love at all, though. But I do see the need for you to read some spiritual books and ask God to show you what divine love looks like. I do see change happening in your love life, and this is only possible with the divine's help. At present nothing is certain in your love life, but if you make some adjustments within yourself, you'll see some shifts. To get closer to God, you need to understand how to contact God first. Meditation is another way. I do see that you have this desire to come out of your mental limitations and surrender to the unknown and experience the true bliss of love. You are very good with words, but love isn't words. Those who can't speak still love. How? Those who can't hear, speak, or see still love. What's love really? You're very close to meeting someone who is going to be the love you've been craving for in all these lifetimes. But it's only possible if you're willing to see your limitations and let God do the magic. Now you'll say, “Oh, but I'm not stopping God from sprinkling some magic on me!” Well, you are. You're not an empty vessel through which God can speak. Remember in your previous lifetimes? You could speak every language of love, and yet they all were missing the magic. You need God to speak through you.

You need to tell the story of your life to the world, remember?

Your Future Life Love Energy & Yes OR No Question (Think of a Yes or No Question after picking your pile that will be answered in the end.) are available on my Patreon. Go check out the extended version of this reading.

[eatclean-bewhole]

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[thesophistiicate]

Hellu

Can you tell me some tips for emotional regulation?

Thanks 🩷

so i’m not a qualified doctor, counsellor, or mental health professional but have built my own emotional regulation over time. it is really helpful to do this with the help of a counsellor, therapist, or even life coach if you can, but you can work on it alone too.

notice and reframe negative thoughts: taking notice of my inner thoughts and realising they were super negative was a big wake up call for me. i tuned into my thoughts more often (esp when stressed or upset) and would turn negative thoughts into positive ones.

journaling: i write morning pages nearly every single morning and it makes a massive amount of difference in identifying emotional patterns. i’m a lot better at figuring out how i feel + managing that before it gets to meltdown/burn out mode. i used to only journal when i was already overwhelmed and emotional and it did help, but it was also creating a cycle of drama and not preventing the overwhelm. daily introspection is preventative.

labelling emotions: i used to really avoid and fear my emotions. but you have to face them, truly feel them, and process them. naming when i am stressed, sad, angry, happy, excited, nervous etc helps so much.

self-nurture: i “self-parent” myself by talking to myself as though i’m a mother speaking to a child: after all, that is the relationship we have to ourselves. especially when i’m upset i speak to myself in a way that’s compassionate, nurturing, gentle, and forgiving, yet also still encouraging and firm.

boundaries: i found setting boundaries really hard at first, i didn’t even know what they should be or how to do it. but doing all the above will help you figure out your limits and how you need to be treated in order to function well. then you can define boundaries that support this.

exercise: yes it has general mental health benefits, but more deeply exercise has helped me gain a sense of connection with my body and how i actually feel, which is huge for getting in touch with your emotions. being out of sync with your emotions often is due to being out of sync with your physical body. exercise will reconnect it. it’s not just about physical goals, exercise is seriously essential to personal development.

overall just paying attention to the tension points in your life, any patterns that keep repeating, any emotions that really trip you up (stress really gets to me) and then figuring out your strategy for overcoming them. be methodical but gentle. but your first job is just to observe.

[coven-of-genesis]

do you have any tips or advice regarding lunar witchcraft and how to harness the moon's powers?

Harnessing the Moon’s Magic – Lunar Witchcraft Tips 🌙

Lunar witchcraft is all about aligning with the moon’s natural rhythm to amplify your intentions.

Here are a few ways to work with lunar energy and deepen your lunar witchcraft practice:

1. Sync with the Moon Phases

• New Moon: Set intentions, start fresh. Great for goal-setting and manifestation spells.

• Waxing Moon: Focus on growth, attraction, and building energy.

• Full Moon: The most powerful phase—use for charging crystals, divination, and releasing what no longer serves.

• Waning Moon: Let go, cleanse, and banish. Ideal for shadow work and cord-cutting.

2. Moon Water Magic

Place water under the moonlight overnight (especially during a full moon) to charge it with lunar energy. Use it to cleanse tools, anoint yourself, or in spellwork.

3. Dream Work & Intuition

The moon rules over dreams and the subconscious. Keep a dream journal, meditate under the moon, or try tarot readings during different phases for deeper insight.

Night Rituals: Do your spells at night to tap into the moon’s energy directly. Lighting white, silver, or blue candles can amplify your connection.

4. Connect with Your Emotions

The moon is tied to emotional cycles. Embrace your feelings, track your moods alongside the moon, and honor your inner tides in your rituals.

Journaling & Reflection: Use the moon cycles to reflect on your goals and emotions. The moon rules intuition, so it’s a great time to listen to your inner voice.

5. Work with Moon Correspondences

Use silver, pearls, moonstone, jasmine, and water-based herbs to amplify your lunar workings.

6. Crystal Charging

Leave your crystals under the full moon to cleanse and recharge them with lunar energy.

Trust your instincts—the moon is a guide f or self-discovery and intuitive magic.

Masterlist | linktree | Patreon

[secret-sturniolo]

Hugging the Cactus - Matt Sturniolo (1.9k words)

warnings: angst, smut w/ plot, unprotected sex (don't do that irl), feelings of inadequacy. no use of y/n.

My best friend's brother AND enemies with benefits? Sounds like something you would read on one of those fanfiction websites.

If I was a big pink balloon flying through the air, Matt would be the field of cactuses I pop in. I guess you could call him a buzzkill. A party-pooper, if you will. His sour attitude and pessimistic outlooks are quick to overpower my outgoing and optimistic personality when we’re together. And, okay, maybe that sounds a little harsh. Matt’s not totally a terrible guy, after all. Even I can see that. But despite my best efforts to be civil, it feels like we are magnets constantly repelling each other. But there's one time where our opposites attract, and we wind up with a single thing in common… sex.

The sex was, admittedly, a stupid idea. My best friend's brother AND enemies with benefits? Sounds like something you would read on one of those fanfiction websites. Late night horny thoughts and a few tequila shots led to both of us naked in his bed. When we woke the next morning with pounding headaches, Matt was quick to put an end to it. We swore the drunken mistake would never happen again. And it didn't. We were sober the next time we hooked up. 

It was the perfect setup. We didn’t have to get along, and we both got what we wanted without any strings attached. To everybody else, nothing had changed. Even between Matt and I, our head-butting remained the same until the house was empty, and Matt and I were left alone. We fight, we fuck, I leave. Rinse and repeat. This cycle goes on far longer than I had ever meant it to, and that scared me. Because I knew deep down that the stirring in my chest and warm feeling in my tummy were not things I was supposed to be feeling when I was with Matt. He only wanted one thing from me, and that had been clear from the beginning. So why does it still sting when he refuses to kiss me, or when I’m expected to just get dressed and leave? I agreed to this after all, didn't I?

I wasn't surprised when Matt came and found me in the living room after Nick and Chris had decided to go out for the night. He catches my eye from across the room. 

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” He raises his eyebrows in question, arms crossed.

For the first time, I really have to consider for a second if I even wanted to do this. I ignore the feeling in my gut… longing? Regret?

“I mean, yeah. If you want to…” I keep my tone casual, nonchalant. 

“Of course I fucking want to.” His voice is suddenly deeper as he motions me to follow him back to his room. 

I barely shut the door behind me before his lips are on my neck, his hands pushing me against the door. His mouth moves from my jaw down to my collarbone, his hands wandering appreciatively over my chest. He pulls away, playing with the hem of my shirt, silently asking permission. He’s quick to remove his own shirt after mine, and one by one our garments fall to the floor. He pulls me into his bed, hovering over me with arms on either side of my head. His fingers softly tease my clit, just enough to get me soaking, leaving me whining for more. 

“You ready?” His rough voice just next to my ear is enough to keep the butterflies going. 

“Please…” I whine softly, my hips raising off the bed, seeking more of his touch. More of him.

He teases his tip through my folds before finally sliding inside through one fluid, hard thrust. His movements are intense, slightly harsh, and to the point. He quickly finds his rhythm, keeping a tight grip on my hips as our bodies move perfectly in sync. He whispers soft curses, my fingertips tracing slowly down his chest and stomach leaving a trail of goosebumps behind them. 

“Matt… fuck!” I meet his eyes, a look of total bliss on my face. 

“Don’t fucking look at me like that.” His voice comes out in almost a growl. 

“Like what?” I breathe out in a soft moan.

“Like you’re in love with me or something.” He says harshly, breaking eye contact to look down at our bodies connecting.

His words sting, even though I know they shouldn't. I push away any feeling I have and instead focus on the pleasure rising in my body. I whine, throwing my head back against the pillow and letting my eyes fall closed. 

“Fuck yeah…”

Matt’s groans next to my ear grow louder, his hips jerking forward before stuttering to a stop, pleasure consuming both of our bodies. My nails dig into his shoulder. I can feel his heart beating against mine, and the intimacy of the moment feels good. Too good. After a short moment he pulls away, laying flat on his back with a sigh. That was my cue, this is when I get up and get dressed before he has to tell me to. Suddenly feeling self conscious and slightly regretful, I slip on my bra and panties before walking to his bathroom to clean myself up. When I come back out of the bathroom, Matt’s sitting up in bed against the headboard scrolling through his phone, seemingly uninterested in whatever I’m doing. I ignore how his eyes flick up at me every few seconds as I slip on my previously discarded t-shirt and sweatpants. 

“You’re not gonna stay?” His voice cuts through the silence.

I look up at him, confused. Since when is he concerned about me leaving? “I never stay.” I point out in a flat tone.

He runs his hand through his hair with another sigh. “Right.” He pretends to be uninterested as I gather the rest of my belongings. “Got somewhere better to be?” He asks in the snarky tone I’m used to. 

I furrow my brows at him, not hiding the slightly offended look on my face. “No. And even if I did, that shouldn't matter to you.”

He ignores my second comment. “Then why leave? It’s late, and it’s pouring rain outside, anyway.”

I don’t recognize this new tone of his voice, and I’m hesitant to go along with whatever it is that he’s trying to do. I keep my voice neutral. “I didn’t think you ever wanted me to stay.”

He just stares at me for a moment, silent. “I never said you have to leave. You just do.”

His words catch me off guard, and I realize he’s right. For once, I don’t have any idea what to say to him. I feel torn. On one hand, I knew what the rules were. On the other hand, I didn’t want to deny the feelings stirring within me. 

“Do you want me to stay?”

Now it was his turn to think. I could almost see the battle he was fighting inside his own mind. Finally, looking a little defeated and almost pained, he nods slowly. I feel my heart pound. Fuck it. I set my phone and keys back down on the dresser, walking back over to his side of the bed. I slip under the covers, afraid to get too close to him. After a few moments, he slips his arm under my back, pulling me into his side. Not wanting to test my luck, I rest my head on his chest, just accepting this new touch. I can hear his heart beating under my ear, maybe even faster than my own. We may not have ever gotten along, but I’m not an idiot. I can tell when he's anxious, picking up on his subtle mannerisms. 

“Matt, relax.” I speak in almost a whisper. He doesn’t respond to me, instead taking a deep breath. I let the silence go on a bit longer before I feel brave enough to speak again.

“What are you so afraid of?” I don’t need to give him any more context. He and I both know what I’m referring to. I can tell he doesn’t want to answer the question. But truth be told, it’s one that should have been had months ago.

“Nothing.”

“...Right.” I don’t push it any further, again, not wanting to test my luck any more than I already had.

His eyes stare ahead at the ceiling, and it's almost as if I can hear the gears turning in his brain. He shifts slightly, his fingertips ghosting over the fabric covering my back. We lay in silence for a few minutes before I hear his voice again, this time much softer than before.

“I’m afraid of fucking this up.”

I realize that in this moment, Matt is being 100% genuine with me, and I’m not sure how to handle it at first. I knew I was probably still on thin ice. 

“How would you fuck this up?” I ask, trying to understand more of where his head is at. 

He tenses again, and I can tell he’s thinking very carefully about what he wants to say next.

“By letting myself get too close.”

I let his words sink in for a moment, not sure if I was fully understanding him.

“What do you mean?”

He sighs. “...By falling for you, and having it all blow up in my face when you realize you don’t want me.”

I can’t help but let out a small laugh. He can’t be serious, right?

“What? Why are you laughing?” Matt starts to get defensive again, but I quickly stop him, laying my hand on his chest.

“I’m sorry, it's just… I’ve been thinking the same thing.” I pick my head up, meeting his eyes.

I can practically see his eyes light up, a small smile playing on his lips when he realizes I wasn’t making fun of him. 

“No fucking way!” He breathes out a breath of relief, shaking his head against the pillow.

“This is so dumb…” I giggle, realizing that we had both been putting ourselves under unnecessary pressure. 

A soft breathy laugh escapes his lifts, almost a sound of disbelief. As if he didn’t want to waste any more time, he cuts me off before I can say anything else by pressing his lips against mine. It feels like time stands still. For months, we had been intimate, but not intimate. His refusal to kiss me, of all things, was now long forgotten. And it all suddenly made sense. His lips spoke silently what they couldn’t say out loud, and I understood every word of it. The dam of tension that had been building and building now broke, letting all of our emotions flood out at once. 

He breaks the kiss, holding my head close against his forehead. Our eyes are closed, just soaking in the moment, soaking in us. 

Maybe I had misread Matt. From the outside, all I could see were the sharp spikes he was covered in. I never bothered to look any further than that. Cactuses are sharp, right? Everybody knows that. But maybe, just once, try hugging the cactus. You might be surprised by what you find.

[yourwitchygoblin]

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ How to work with moon phases in spell work ♥

Hey guys! I'm so sorry I went radio black on you all I just kinda went down a mental spiral and then started working with Lord Apollo (its been amazing hes the best!) and well school kinda made it hard to find time but Lord Apollo has taught me that well theres no such thing as the ‘right time’ and there is no such thing as a perfect beginning, only the act of beginning.

So I have decided to write up a bunch of posts today for you guys but also myself and for my Lord!! (Lord Apollo I platonically love you and greatly appreciate working with you and so happy you came into my life to guide me.)

The moon doesn’t just look pretty—it’s also a powerful spiritual and energetic tool. Every phase of the moon brings a different energy, meaning you can time your spells or rituals depending on what you want to manifest, release, or shift.

There are 8 phases of the moon, and all of them carry unique vibes that you can align with during your spellwork.

🌑 New Moon 🌑

Best for: New beginnings, planting seeds, fresh starts

This is the time to set intentions

Great for manifesting new opportunities or change

Think of it as the “blank page” of the moon cycle

🌓 Waxing Crescent 🌓

Best for: Planning, goal-setting, motivation

Start taking baby steps toward your intentions

Build momentum, journal, visualize progress

Light spells for clarity or guidance work well here

🌔 First Quarter 🌔

Best for: Action, strength, overcoming obstacles

Perfect for courage or motivation spells

Push through resistance and take real-world action

Great time to affirm your commitment to your goal

🌖 Waxing Gibbous 🌖

Best for: Refinement, focus, adjustment

Tweak your plans, polish your spells, stay consistent

Prep for peak energy at the full moon

Use this phase to reinforce and strengthen what you’re building

🌕 Full Moon 🌕

Best for: Manifestation, power, releasing blocks

The most intense, powerful energy

Perfect for high-energy spells, attraction, or celebration

Also a good time to release what’s holding you back

Strongest time to charge your tools or create moon water

🌗 Waning Gibbous 🌗

Best for: Gratitude, reflection, sharing wisdom

Journal your wins, express thanks

Begin turning inward, spiritually or emotionally

Helpful for mentorship or spellwork for others

🌘 Last Quarter 🌘

Best for: Letting go, banishing, cutting cords

Release what’s no longer serving you

Shadow work, cleansing, and breaking toxic cycles

Cast spells for clarity, closure, or endings

🌒 Waning Crescent 🌒

Best for: Rest, healing, inner peace

Dream work, divination, and intuition-building

Gentle self-love rituals or rest spells

Clear your space and reset your energy

Moon Water Tip:

You can make moon water during any phase, not just the full moon!

New Moon water = intention-setting and internal work

Full Moon water = energetic boosts, cleansing, and spells

Each phase gives your moon water a different “flavor” of energy—use what matches your goals!

My Final Thoughts~!

You don’t have to follow the moon cycle to do effective spellwork, but aligning with it can boost your results

Even just being aware of what phase the moon is in can help you tune into the world around you more deeply

Working with the moon can feel like syncing with your own natural rhythm—and that’s some pretty powerful magick

[lincolndjarin]

Oh Honey. ✩ Chapter 5

chapter five : i'll decide where to go from here

series masterlist ao3 kofi main masterlist

a/n : happy last chapter of oh honey!!!! took a while to get out bc i was briefly on hiatus and then was in a slump (whoops) but here it is. this is another case of me writing an ending before the story so this has been the intended ending since i started and i hope you all like it as much as i do

pairing : monster!joel miller x mortician!reader

rating : 18+ mdni - explicit content, read all warnings

word count : 6.4k

summary : a look into the past and present of life in honey, west virginia

warnings, etc. : language, allusions to sex, angst & fluff, complicated relationships and people who are trying to handle them, an obscene amount of flashbacks, reader has hair and is carried by Joel, several timelines in no particular order.

“C’mere, bunny.” His stubble brushes against the back of your neck, his mouth is warm as you feel a kiss placed against your spine. 

“Mmm, what’s on the agenda for today?” You hum, pushing back against him a bit, the camper’s freezing in the winter, your heater broke a week ago and the parts Joel ordered to fix it won’t be in for a week. So you’re stuck with a little space heater you’d bought at the hardware store. 

“I was thinkin’ we’d just do this for a while.” His arms tighten around your waist and stomach with a sigh. “We could just stay in today, order food, watch a movie on your laptop.” He yawns before nestling close against you. 

“It’s too cold to stay here, it’s supposed to snow all weekend, it’s only gonna get worse. Maria even closed the home early yesterday” You groan, rolling over in his arms to press your face into his neck. The tips of your nose and ears are freezing, the two of you are under all the blankets you own, bundled up, when you peer out the window you can see the snow falling and settling on the trees. 

Joel mumbles into your hair, deeply inhaling. “Why don’t you pack a bag and we can head back to the house then. You can stay until Monday and can fix the heat while you’re at work.” 

“I hate staying at your place, all of my shit is here.” You spend most weekends at Joel’s, it’s easiest that way, but packing up all of your things and bringing them back and forth is getting tiring. 

“Just bring it with you.” 

“I think you underestimate how much stuff I need for four days.” You’re already giving yourself a headache trying to make a mental list of everything you’ll need. 

“Why don’t you just move in.” He mumbles with another yawn. “It would make it easier for both of us if all your stuff was there.” It isn’t until he realizes that you’re frozen in place that he opens his eyes. “Or not, just a thought.” 

You stammer an excuse, hoping to alleviate the tension that’s suddenly lingering between you. “I just- I don’t know if we’re there yet.”

“I didn’t mean to rush you, just thought I’d offer.” He shrugs before pulling you close again.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper into his chest.

“Don’t be. You’re right, it’s too soon for that.” 

You’ve been together for a year now, you almost never sleep apart, if anything you should have moved in six months ago. 

What’s stopping you? 

You’ve been distancing yourself from any concrete commitments for sometime now and even if he never says it you know it bothers him. When do you stop punishing him for something you claim you’ve forgiven him for? He doesn’t hurt people as often anymore, at least he’s trying harder not to. But it’s getting hard for the both of you to keep up this system of locking yourselves in his room for a week every month. 

Sometimes your cycle syncs with Maria and Sarah has to drive in from out of town to watch Ellie, it’s just generally become harder to manage. 

But you can’t leave him when he’s like that. 

On the rare occasion that you’re too exhausted to stay awake and entertain him he’ll end up in the woods and a massacred corpse ends up on your table when you return to work. 

Everytime you think you’ve found forgiveness and acceptance you’re reminded of the fact that you love a monster. A selfish choice that you make every day. And everytime you tell him you can’t live with the guilt he gives you the same option. 

Kill him. 

You’re sure he doesn’t mean to make it sound so grim, each of you have complicated relationships with death. You just don’t think you’ll be able to live without him, and it’s not like he expects you to kill him yourself, he always tells you he’ll handle it with Tommy but you always shoot the idea down and you’re back to square one. 

“I just need a little more time, I promise this isn’t forever.” You mumble as you sit up.

“I’d do anything for you, anything at all. Just tell me what to do.” 

You don’t doubt that. But he still doesn’t give you what you actually want, all you ask of him is options that don’t involve him, or any more innocent people, on your cadaver cart.

The bed is empty when you wake up. 

You knew it would be when you went to bed alone last night but a part of you, after all this time, still feels incomplete when the sheets beside you are cold. The creaking under the floorboards is the only noise in the house. 

Your alarm clock reads 6:58 a.m. and you know it’s only a matter of minutes before you need to be up so you throw the blankets aside, stretch your arms above your head, and stand. Right on cue you hear the familiar stomping down the hall before your door swings open, Ellie rubs her eyes before scurrying over to you. Her hair’s in disarray, having fallen out of the braid you put it in last night, you scoop her up into your arms, trying to smooth the mess down. 

“Good morning, little monster.” You mumble, kissing her cheek before carrying her down the hall and into the kitchen. You can’t help but wonder how much longer she’ll be small enough to hold like this. She’s already almost too heavy for you to lift for this long, and the living room and kitchen are still decorated with banners and deflating balloons from her sixth birthday party yesterday. 

Kids birthdays, elementary school, home owning? 

Even after a couple years it’s still a little dizzying that this is your life now. You set her down at the table, retrieving the generic sugary cereal you’ve grown fond of from the cabinet along with bowls, spoons, and milk, setting them down on the table in front of her. 

“Can I feed the sheep before we go?” She says before reaching for her spoon, you nod.

“If you brush your teeth without giving me a hard time.” You fill your bowls, you have to remind her to slow down a few times as she shovels cereal into her mouth, eager to go out to the barn. You’re only halfway through your bowl when she runs off in the direction of her room.   

You hear the telltale sounds of her pushing her step stool across the tile of the bathroom as she rummages through the cabinet. As you finish up your own food and tidy up you make a mental list of everything you need to do today. 

Get Ellie ready for school. 

Tend to the sheep. 

Drive Ellie to school. 

You take your phone out of your sweatpants pocket, 7:16, and text Maria to make sure they’re still good to take her this weekend. Ellie hums as she brushes her teeth when you peer into the bathroom before making your way into your own room, changing quickly, you’ve got about an hour before you need to leave. 

Drive Ellie to daycare. 

Grocery shopping. 

Oil change. 

Making lists helps. You like knowing what you’re going to do and when you’re going to do it, you’ve had enough surprises in your life, you don’t like when the routine changes. Without your routine you’d lose yourself entirely. Ellie helps, she likes structure as much as you do, you stand behind her in the bathroom now watching her finish up and making sure she did a good job. The sparkling stone on the counter catches your eye, a reminder that you’re constantly forgetting your ring. It’s a bit much for your taste but it’s a family heirloom and Joel insisted. Sliding it onto your finger as Ellie hands it to you.

Check on Ellie.

Clean the house. 

Make dinner. 

Before she can run back to her room you gently pull her back by the collar of her shirt, grabbing a hair tie off the counter you tie her hair in a ponytail before letting her go get dressed. By the time she’s ready you’ve got your jacket on, holding Ellie’s coat out for her to stick her arms through the sleeves. She already has a toothy grin plastered on her face as you both step out of the sliding doors leading to the backyard. You take her hand, knowing she’ll run ahead if given the chance, you know better than to let her out of her sight.

Dangerous things live in the woods of Honey. 

She’s pulling you along through the short path between the trees leading to the barn with a fence surrounding it. Once you’re in the clearing you let her run ahead, once you’re able to see everything around you. The air is icy and damp as you follow after her, opening the gate as she slips under the fence. The sun is just starting to break through the trees, it’s still too cold for the sheep to be out, there isn’t much exposed grass for them to eat anyway. You’ve been keeping them in the barn most days unless it warms up, today isn’t one of those days. With a high pitched giggle Ellie rushes inside, you hear the familiar sounds of bleating as she greets all of them by name. 

You watch in momentary silence as you make your own way into the barn, enjoying her little smile that warms up the freezing barn. 

“Did you turn in your project yesterday?” You sit on a hay bale, watching her run amongst the sheep before turning to you, nose red from the chill. You hadn’t gotten to ask her about it since you’d been so busy with her party, it wasn’t really a “project.” Just a little assignment for the kids in her class, to draw something important to them. 

Of course Ellie had wanted to draw her father, something you were happy to help with until she held the crayon in her fist and began to draw the sharp angles and pointed claws that you realized she couldn’t show it off to her class. You let her finish the drawing. It’s remarkable really, how someone so small and vulnerable can portray such a frightening creature without fear. 

She loves him, that’s why. 

You love him too but that doesn’t mean he didn’t terrify you. No amount of strange magical connection was going to change the fact that he scared you. The difference of course is that Ellie doesn’t know what he’s done. You had encouraged her to draw a background, concealing the mass of flesh and teeth in darkness and trees until only the two of you knew what hid behind the blue and green. Together you decided that it was a drawing of her favorite place. The national forest on the edge of town. 

“Good, Riley guessed what it was though.” She says as she pats one of the lambs gently on the back. 

“She guessed it was the Manangahela National Forest?” You give her a skeptical smile as she fills a bucket with feed before emptying it into the trough. 

“Monongahela.” She corrects you proudly. 

After all this time, you still never get it right. 

“Smart ass.” You grumble under your breath as she carefully lifts the hose, filling the water buckets. 

“Ass.” She says with a grin. 

“Don’t say that.” You point at her sternly, stifling a laugh. 

With a small huff she turns the hose off and rushes over to sit beside you and watch them. 

“She said the forest was my favorite so it was easy.” She mumbles, briefly captivated by the sheep. 

“She’s a good friend for knowing that.” You like Riley, you’ve watched the two girls play together several times before, she’s a good influence on Ellie as far as you can tell. 

“Mhmm.” She hums, the silence returning between the two of you as you both watch the sheep.

You don’t tell her that you’re going to butcher one of them tonight. 

You know that she can handle it. At this point in her life she can handle much more than any other six year old you’ve ever met but you just aren’t ready for that sort of thing yet. You haven’t been a parent long enough to know the proper way to go about that sort of thing. 

“Time for school, kiddo.” You stand up abruptly and take her hand again, watching as she yells back to the sheep, saying goodbye to each and everyone of them. 

The truck sits idly in the driveway but you ignore it, opening the door of your own car, Ellie throws her backpack in before climbing in herself. It was the first thing you’d bought with Darlene’s money. (The second thing you did was help Sarah with her student loans and put aside some for Ellie.) You hated driving the truck, it was too big and too loud, this just felt safer for driving Ellie around. Once she’s buckled into her seat you make your way over to the driver's side. The radio plays some rock song that immediately has her squealing in the backseat, with a grin you turn it up as you pull out of the driveway. 

“Is she my mom now?” 

You had been walking past Ellie’s room after your shower, wearing one of Joel’s flannels with the towel wrapped around your hair when her voice froze you in place, her bedroom door cracked open. 

“That’s not exactly how that works, kiddo.” His voice has a nervous lilt to it you don’t often hear from him. 

“Then why is she always here?” She sits up a bit and you hold your breath as Joel’s brow furrows. 

“Is that a problem?” God you hope not. 

“No, I like her.” The tension in his face relaxes with your own. 

“I’m glad you do. I like her too.” 

“So when will she become my mom?” Her persistence on the issue makes you feel as awkward as he currently looks. 

“She’ll become your mom if she wants that. But that probably won’t happen until we’re married, and I don’t know if she wants that yet either.” There’s a beat of silence, you’re heart skipping a beat at the earnestness of the conversation. The silence is quickly interrupted by the little one screaming your name as you rush back to the bathroom, opening and shutting the door to try and make it seem like you hadn’t been listening. 

“Yes, little monster?” You make a real show of stepping loudly down the hall as you push the door open. You’re greeted by the sight of Ellie trying to wriggle out of a rather flustered Joel’s arms, face red and flushed as he tries to shove her under her blankets. 

“She’s just messin’ around.” He grumbles before throwing a pillow at the giggling mess. 

Her voice calling your name from the backseat snaps you out of your thoughts. 

“What’s up?” You turn the music down as you glance at her in the rearview mirror. 

“Can Riley come over today after school if her mom says it’s okay?” 

“You’re going to Uncle Tommy’s tonight, love. I’ll text her mom and see if she’s okay with picking her up from there if he gets you guys after school. Does that sound okay?” She nods happily when you look in the mirror before going back to singing along with the radio. When you pull up to the parent drop off you get out of the car to unbuckle her, kneeling down in front of her as she pulls her backpack straps over shoulders. 

“Can we have a birthday party with Dad when he gets back?” She tilts her head to the side as she asks, you lean forward and kiss her on the cheek before pulling her into a hug. 

“Absolutely we can.” You give her a soft smile before her attention is diverted towards a group of her friends. “Be good today, I love you.” 

“Love you, bye!” She leans in to give you a kiss on your own cheek before rushing off, you watch her go, waiting until she’s in the building before getting back in the car. You send a quick text to Riley’s mom and Maria, scheduling plans for the girls before putting the car in drive as you head off towards a neighboring town. Honey has a grocery store but on days like this where you have so much free time you like to go to the nicer ones out of town. 

You turn the radio off now that it’s just you, cranking the heat to keep warm as you drive in silence. 

“We should get married.” You had brought the idea up, much to his surprise. About a year ago, as you were setting up for Ellie’s fifth birthday party, a year after you’d finally moved in. 

“Are you serious?” He had been laying on his back, under the camper, working on the more technical aspects of the project. In his shock he’d rolled himself back out to stare at you. 

Why wouldn’t you be? Sure, it took a lot of effort on his part but you finally feel like you’ve stopped holding everything against him. You had hoped that he knew that by now. 

“Why not? Everyone already thinks we are, everyone at Ellie’s school calls her my daughter, Tommy’s been teasing me about it for ages-” He pulls himself to his feet, quickly putting his hands on your shoulders. 

“Bunny, slow down.” He’s getting flustered, you swear his drawl is thicker when he gets like this.

“You’re the one who always says I take things too slow.” You frown, turning back to the flowers you’d been planting in the boxes under the window but he turns you back around to face him.

“You mean it?” His voice is a whisper and you quickly realize how much this means to him.

“Of course, I mean, we’re going to spend our lives together anyway, why wait.” You give him a reassuring smile as you tilt your head to kiss his cheek, briefly letting yourself indulge in the taste of his skin before pulling back. “As much as I’d love to talk about this more, we should get back to work if we want to finish this before she’s home.” 

He doesn’t say anything else about it as he goes back to running the electrical under the camper and you can’t help but wonder if you crossed a line. Thankfully you’re on a time crunch to finish this and your mind is kept busy. 

The two of you work in silence, almost synchronized as you move from task to task. He brings the cinder blocks out and lines the camper, creating a semi-permanent foundation as you string fairy lights along the outside and finish up planting flowers around the entire thing. Joel attaches the small porch he and Tommy made a few weeks ago that you had painted as you step inside. It’s unrecognizable after all the work the two of you put into it. The ceiling now painted a dark blue, glow in the dark paint dotted along the entire thing, when the sun goes down she’ll be able to see the stars from inside the camper. You painted the walls and changed out the curtains and sheets more to Ellie’s tastes. She’d always loved it here, when Joel was actually busy with work trips she’d stay with you in the camper. Even nowadays with you living with her and Joel she still often asks if she can play in the camper. 

Just as you’re finishing up Joel steps inside as well, testing all of the faucets while wiping a bit of sweat from his brow. 

“Think she’ll like it?” You ask, your fingers nervously twitch as you roll the hem of your shirt between them, he laughs as he leans back against the counter. 

“She’s gonna love it, s’better than any gift I’ve ever gotten her.” You can’t help but smile as he holds his arms out towards you, you quickly step into them, leaning against his chest and taking a deep breath. 

You open your mouth to speak, wanting to address your proposition from earlier quickly so it doesn’t hang in the air for too long but you hear the familiar rumble of Tommy’s truck pulling into the driveway and the two of you quickly rush out of the camper and down the steps. You straighten the bow on the door and quickly lock it. You hear Ellie’s laughter as she runs around the side of the house, Tommy and Maria walking up behind her. 

She’s excited to see both of you, a paper crown announcing her birthday adorns her head as she runs up to hug her father. The second she sees the camper though she darts right past him. 

“Why’s this here?” She yells excitedly, she knows exactly why it’s here instead of sitting stagnant on the piece of property you sold just a few days ago. You smile at Joel, nodding towards her as he leans down to pick her up. 

“She got you a little birthday present, since you’ve been so nice to her and let her come live with us.” He points at you as she immediately starts squirming out of his grasp, tossing her backpack aside as she runs up the little porch steps. She turns around to look at you with a huge smile on her face.

“Are you fucking serious?” She screams. You can’t help it as a laugh slips out of you, thankfully Tommy can’t hold it together either as Joel immediately breaks into a lecture you nudge his shoulder as you hand her the key.

“It’s her birthday, she’s allowed to say it on her birthday.” You murmur through your continued laughter. She wraps her arms around your legs, hugging you tightly before turning around and unlocking the door. “Happy birthday, Ellie.” 

She had loved her party, thankfully. And she loved her new playhouse much to your relief. 

You and Joel laid on opposite sides of her as her little snores filled the camper, she had wanted a campout as a birthday treat and you were both more than willing to oblige. You’re staring up at the faintly glowing stars painted on the ceiling when he sets the box down next to you. You grab it, wanting to ask him more but not wanting to wake Ellie up you open it. 

And you’re met with a ridiculously gorgeous ring. 

Clearly an heirloom but he’s recently had it polished, one large diamond framed by two smaller ones on either side of it. Your eyes are wide as you stare down at it, shimmering in the moon light before sharply turning your head to the man with a dopey smile lying across from you.

“Been carrying that around for a while now, if I’d known you were ready I would’a asked sooner.” His voice is low as Ellie stirs a bit and you both freeze as she rolls over closer to her father. 

Neither one of you speaks again, but the look on your face as you put the ring on was answer enough. 

The beeping brings you back to reality as you scan every item in the self checkout lane. 

You’re only feeding yourself while Ellie’s with Maria and Tommy, so you keep it simple. Another box of cereal, milk, an apple, a loaf of bread and deli meats. You’re pretty sure you have enough cheese and other essentials to get you through the rest of the weekend. On your way up to the checkout counter you grab a bag of dark roast coffee beans and a box of tampons. 

You’re out of both. 

You know you live in memories too often, especially without Joel to keep you in reality. You find him in the past when he isn’t beside you because something needs to fill the aching void that yearns for his smell, his taste, and his touch. And echoes of Joel are almost as good as the real thing. There’s a funny comfort you find in memories. Even unhappy ones. There’s no surprises in memories, you know what’s going to happen and you know you survived it.

Even the bad memories bring you comfort when he isn’t around to do it himself. 

You pay quickly, loading everything into the cooler in the car as you head off in the direction of your mechanic. When you park you’re told it’ll take about fifteen minutes, nodding as you sit in the waiting room, where your mind inevitably wanders to one of the worst memories in the hours following your meeting in the Applebees that has since closed. 

You didn’t pay attention to the road. 

Instead you stared at your hands in your lap as he drove, not bothering with the radio, the two of you stewing in your silence as he pulled into the driveway. You didn’t even unbuckle your seatbelt, he had come around the truck and done that for you, pulling you into his arms and carrying you bridal style up the porch steps and into the house, only stopping to kick the door shut before bringing you to his room, clicking on the lamp he hadn’t bothered to remove, and setting you on the mattress. 

He lays down beside you, taking your face in his hands but you immediately recoil, pushing him away. 

“What do I have to do to earn your forgiveness? To show you I’m sorry? Cause I don’t see a point to any of this if it’s never going to happen, it’ll be better for both of us if we know where we stand.” He’s right, unfortunately. Neither one of you deserves to waste the other's time if this is going to mean nothing. 

If you can’t forgive him.

“Can you at least let me love you? Do you think you can manage that?” His voice is dangerously close to cracking and you have to pray that he doesn’t break. If he can’t hold it together you know you won’t be able to either. “Neither one of us wants to deal with this but we don’t have a choice.” 

“I don’t know.” You mumble, you really don’t know so why answer with anything else? 

“I don’t even need a concrete answer, bunny. I just need to know if someday you’re going to be able to forgive me. I can’t live a life where you keep me at arms length.” 

You hadn’t responded. Just slid closer to him. 

And you let him hold you until you fell asleep, hoping that would be enough. 

Your phone buzzing is what snaps you out of your empty thoughts this time. When you open the notification you’re met with a message from Maria, a photo of Tommy sleeping in the recliner, Ellie sitting in his lap, and Riley sitting on the arm of the chair, watching whatever movie they put on the T.V. 

[ Made it back from school. Watching Treasure Planet. ] 

[ love it ] [ thanks again for taking them ] 

The mechanic returns shortly after, handing you your keys and telling you you’re good to go. The hour drive back isn’t terrible, you opt to listen to music on the way back. It’s quiet when you return home. Putting away the groceries and making yourself a sandwich as you look around the cluttering remnants of the party yesterday, the only sounds are your chewing and the soft creaking and scratching from under the floorboards.

Joel has so much pride for your home. He would hate it if he knew how dirty it was currently, the thought alone has you reaching for an empty trash bag once you’re finished eating. 

You turn all the lights on as the sun starts to set, how much time did you spend daydreaming today? You try not to think too hard about it as you start cleaning up the plastic cups and paper plates that litter every surface of the living room, popping deflating balloons and sweeping up discarded streamers and confetti. There’s a feeling of solace that comes with cleaning the house, making it feel like home once more. 

This isn’t just Joel’s house now, it’s yours as well, even if you thought this would never be the case. 

“I know that you shot down the idea last time but I want to show you something.”

“Joel, I just don’t think…” Your voice trails off as you stare at the key ring he’s holding out towards you. If you can’t guarantee that he won’t hurt people you can��t share a home with him, it’s stupid and it makes you feel childish but you can’t come home to him knowing people are still dying, even if you can’t stay away from him. 

“Just give me a chance to show you.” He puts the keys back into his pocket before taking your hand. Walking you down the hall towards his room, he stops briefly to check in on Ellie, still tucked into her own bed as you peer into her room before he closes her door quietly. “I don’t want you to think that a life with me is going to be only horrors, and I know that a part of you has already resigned yourself to such a thing but you don’t deserve that.” You’re about to interrupt him, tell him that’s not true despite the ache in your chest that tells you he’s right but he’s opening his own bedroom door and you’re too busy staring slack jawed inside. 

It’s unrecognizable from the monster cage he’d created for himself. 

Instead of resting bare and on the floor, the mattress has sheets and now rests on a low to the ground metal frame. The photos that were once taped to the wall are now in frames or pinned to a bulletin board he hung up. 

He put a rug down that covers any claw marks on the floor and he’s done his best to hang up photos and paintings over the scratches on the walls. There’s even furniture now, a nightstand on either side of the bed with a matching dresser, lamps scattered around the room make the space feel warm and lived in. 

“You- you did all this?”

“If you live with me I don’t want you to have to sleep in some sort of creepy homemade dungeon, you deserve an actual bedroom.” He whispers as you look at the paintings on the wall, all of them are Alice in Wonderland themed. “I borrowed those from Sarah’s room, we can change them out when- if you move in.” He quickly mumbles as you look up at a painting of Alice staring into a lake, her own image being reflected back up at her. 

“It’s lovely, it’s perfect Joel.” You turn back to him as he rubs the back of his neck bashfully. 

“This ain’t it, there's a few more surprises for you.” The shocked look remains on your face as he takes your hand once more, bringing you back into the kitchen and out the sliding glass door. 

You had run outside without shoes on and took down the banner hanging on the camper before rushing back in and tossing it in the trash bag. When you look at the clock it’s just a couple minutes from 7:00 p.m. You bring the bag out to the porch before washing your hands. 

You don’t bother taking a shower as you change into your pajamas, setting your ring on your nightstand, not wanting to risk damaging it as you pull up a pair of sweats you don’t care about being ruined and an old shirt you wore when you painted the bathroom a month ago. Grabbing the apple off the counter you shove it into your sweatpants pocket. Shooting Maria one last text and turning your phone on do not disturb, you tell her to say goodnight to Ellie for you before slipping your sneakers on and heading out the back door once more. 

You don’t like going to the barn alone, and you should have put on a proper jacket, without the sun to warm you, your skin prickles with goosebumps. The dark doesn’t frighten you very much anymore, and it’s easy to follow the familiar path even in the dark. Your phone flashlight illuminates the ground in front of you as you walk, you’re trying to remember if there is a specific sheep Ellie isn’t attached to.

Most of the flock is sleeping save for a few stragglers, you decide not to overthink it, grabbing a lead and putting it over the head of the first sheep that’s brave enough to greet you. The unlucky winner is one of the older sheep, making its way over to you the second you open the gate. You reward her bravery with the apple in your pocket, the only sounds in the quiet night are those of chewing as you walk her back towards the house. 

You swung your intertwined hands between the two of you as you walked through the trees behind his house. He must have worked startlingly fast to do that for you, no ones ever put in that sort of effort for you before. 

The sun is just starting to set behind you as he takes a step back and covers your eyes.

“Hey-” You start to object with a giggle as he continues walking you forward. 

“Oh hush, let this be a surprise.” He chuckles as he leads you further down the path before stopping abruptly and lifting his hands. “Surprise.” He whispers, taking a step back.

“Woah.” You exhale in shock as you stare at the barn in front of you. A white fence surrounding it. 

It’s beautiful. 

“Tommy and I grew up on a farm, we can raise whatever you want, pigs, sheep, chickens, anything you want.” He mumbles as he wraps his arms around you from behind, kissing your cheek. 

“I love that idea, but can I ask why?” You let out a nervous laugh as you turn to raise an eyebrow at him.

“That’s actually a part of your last surprise.” 

“Another?” Your voice pitches up, he built you a fucking barn, what else could he have done for you?

“I want you to know how serious I am about you moving in, I don’t want you to have any doubt.” He mumbles against your temple, inhaling deeply before pulling away and taking your hand one more time. “Come on.” He pulls you back towards the house as the sun sets for good, you walk in the darkness until he brings you to the basement entrance and pulls out the keys he’d offered you. 

Several locks adorn the basement entrance, you sift through your key ring until you find each lock's respective key, letting them drop into the grass as you remove each one. When you swing the heavy metal doors open you’re met with the welcoming warmth that comes from below. Several lamps and space heaters create a warm glow that beckons you down the steps. Almost immediately the sheep pulls away, bleating fearfully. Animals are far more intelligent than anyone gives them credit for, they know when something is wrong. 

You pull her down with you then reach up and let the doors slam down, sealing the poor thing in its tomb with you. 

You drop the lead once the doors are closed, there’s no point in leading the lamb any closer to the inevitable slaughter. 

“I have loved you since I first saw you in that bar. I have loved you every moment since, you could be cruel and terrible and I’d love you still and I’d probably deserve it. But you aren’t. You’re smart, and you care about everything, and you love everyone even if they aren’t worthy of it.” His hands caress your face as he whispers into the night air. “And you feel so much guilt for the things I do even though you shouldn’t. You can forgive me for all that I’ve done but it won’t change the fact that I’m still doing terrible things. I’ve done terrible things for so long that I didn’t really consider any other options, but you deserve other options.” 

He pulls open the basement doors once all the locks are undone, and offers his hand to you. 

“I want to show you that I can change, that I would do anything you need me to do, be anything you need me to be.” 

It’s your choice, take it or leave, he won’t hold it against you if you crack and can’t handle it anymore. But you need him to keep yourself together in the first place so you take his calloused hand in yours and let him lead you down into the darkness. 

The smell of vanilla and pine is dense down here. 

As you descend further down the steps you see the familiar set up, a few lamps and lanterns are scattered throughout the darkness as well as a couple space heaters that are only there for your benefit. A mattress you insist on putting sheets on is pushed against one of the scratched up walls, the blankets and pillows scattered about the space, you walk over to the mess, picking up the scattered quilts as you throw everything back down on the mattress. You can feel the movement behind you, the scratching against the cement as you lay down, even with the heaters it’s cold. Thankfully you know you’ll be warm enough soon.

The panicked baa’s of the sheep are swiftly silenced, replaced with the wet tearing sound that once would have filled you with dread. It’s a bit morbid how comforting you now find them, you roll over as you pull another blanket up over yourself, watching the iron chains drag across the floor as the unseen figure pulls them in different directions. 

You can see movement dancing on the edges of the lamp light, the smell of blood is almost as prominent now as the suffocating sweetness. A smile begins to tease the corners of your mouth as you hear him moving closer, the familiar, gravely voice that calls out from the dark recesses of the basement fills your ears like warm honey. 

“C’mere, bunny.”

a/n : that's a wrap on oh honey folks, once again im sorry i made yall wait so long, i hope it was worth it <3

i no longer have a tag list but for fic updates follow @lincolndjarinnotifs !!

[a-d-nox]

my half birthday was a week ago! what does that mean astrologically?

your “half birthday” is when you are half way to your next birthday. astrological it's when the transit sun is opposite your natal sun. i am going to do a mini observation post tomorrow to take a peek at how my solar return is aligning with the predictions.

paid reading options: astrology menu & cartomancy menu

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here’s what that transit generally means:

clarity through tension: this is pretty much as bright as your situation gets (two suns facing off with one another). you often receive a wake up call from the universe to look at your life’s direction and how your current path aligns (or doesn’t) with your core identity - everything that's not working seems a lot more obvious. it can bring tension between who you are (the natal sun) and external circumstances or people (transiting sun).

relationship mirrors: you are more likely to notice others reflecting back things you need to face - sometimes through opposition, criticism, or challenges, but ultimately to help you see yourself more clearly.

energy check-in: you might feel a bit drained or “off” during this time, as your energy is pulled in different directions. it’s not your best moment to push forward aggressively; instead, use this time to reflect, assess, and rebalance.

it's time for you to adjust your course: often you'll realize if something in your life is out of sync with your true self, the universe will give you a chance to correct it before your next solar return cycle.

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