#idealization

[lune-moon-nuit]

Someone commented, "How can people say their relationship is toxic? She literally saved his life," under someone's TikTok that highlighted how Mike was willing to sacrifice his own life to spare Dustin's baby teeth (and thus proving the lack of values ​​he has towards himself and his own life) and he would be dead if El wasn't there.

“But she saved him.” Yeah… and that’s exactly why it’s complicated — and why their relationship might not be as healthy as it seems.

Let’s talk about the psychological weight behind this kind of dynamic.

When someone literally saves your life — especially during a traumatic, high-stakes moment — it creates a powerful emotional imprint. The person you associate with relief, safety, and survival can easily become idealized in your mind. But here’s the thing: that’s not the same as love.

The savior complex / emotional debt syndrome

When one person saves another — especially in an extreme (traumatic or life-threatening) moment — it can create a deep emotional debt, where the saved person feels they owe something profound to their savior. This can evolve into a distorted emotional attachment, which is often perceived as love.

Emotional debt ≠ romantic connection

Mike may feel like he owes El everything because she saved him. That sense of emotional debt can evolve into what looks like devotion, loyalty, even “love” — but at its core, it’s about guilt and obligation, not emotional compatibility or genuine desire.

When someone stays in a relationship because they feel they “should,” not because they want to, it creates an imbalance. It’s not real intimacy — it’s emotional submission masked as love.

Gratitude/savior love syndrome

Though not a clinical term, in psychological or romantic literature, people sometimes talk about “savior love,” where the attraction doesn’t stem from real romantic desire, but from a mix of gratitude, admiration, emotional dependence, and relief. This type of feeling can be very intense — but also fleeting — because it’s rooted in a dramatic event rather than a truly built relationship.

The “Savior Complex” and distorted attachment

This is a textbook example of what psychology often refers to as emotional debt attachment or “savior love.” When a person is rescued in a moment of trauma, they might unconsciously attach themselves to their savior, mistaking relief and admiration for romantic love.

It can feel very intense — even destiny-like — but it often fades or becomes damaging once the adrenaline of survival fades and there’s no emotional foundation strong enough to carry the relationship.

Transference

This is an unconscious mechanism where someone projects intense emotions — often linked to important figures from their past (like parents) — onto another person. In this case, the girl who saves becomes an idealized figure, almost a symbolic “savior,” and the love felt isn’t always based on who she truly is, but on what she represents emotionally: safety, life, salvation.

Transference and idealization

Mike might be projecting deep emotional needs onto El — needs for protection, unconditional presence, and safety — especially if his space to explore those needs safely disappeared one day before meeting El. In psychology, this is called transference: when we assign symbolic meaning to someone based on what they represent to us emotionally, not who they really are.

In this case, El isn’t just a person. She’s the girl who saved his life. She’s “the one who pulled him out.” She's a "superhero". And when someone becomes a symbol, not a person, the relationship loses balance. She becomes untouchable, unquestionable — and that is not mutual love. That’s idolization wrapped in trauma.

Post-traumatic emotional confusion

When someone goes through a traumatic experience, the brain seeks symbols of safety to hold onto. The person who was present in the moment of greatest fear — and helped overcome it — can become unconsciously associated with feelings of love, simply because they were the source of relief.

Post-traumatic emotional confusion

Trauma warps emotional perception. When we’re vulnerable, the brain clings to anything that feels like safety. It makes sense that Mike might associate El with peace and survival — but that association doesn’t always translate into a sustainable, reciprocal relationship. It can create a bond rooted in fear, not in freedom.

So yes, she saved him. And that matters. But it’s also part of the problem.

Because "You saved me, so I have to love you" is not romantic — it’s tragic. It’s a trap. It’s the kind of belief that keeps people in relationships that look loyal on the outside but are emotionally repressive on the inside.

Mike deserves to choose love freely — not stay in a relationship because he feels indebted to someone who once saved him. And El, too, deserves someone who loves her for her, not for what she did for him.

Gratitude is not love. Debt is not devotion. And saving someone doesn’t mean they owe you their heart.

In summary: This is most likely a post-traumatic attachment, combined with emotional transference and a sense of emotional debt, all being misinterpreted as love. It’s not necessarily fake or illegitimate — but it’s often an idealized kind of love, born from survival rather than a deep, mutual emotional connection.

If you’re looking for simpler terms to describe it: “Rescue-based emotional attachment” or “post-traumatic gratitude love” can work — even if they’re not official clinical expressions, they’re still meaningful and accurate.

And yes, it can become a toxic relationship, or at the very least unhealthy, if one of them stays out of guilt, debt, or gratitude instead of sincere love or mutual desire.

Here’s why:

Emotional imbalance If he stays out of obligation (because she saved him), and she believes he truly loves her, then there’s a fundamental emotional lie at the core. There’s no balance: one gives out of love, the other out of duty. And even if the intention is good (not wanting to hurt her, wanting to repay what she did), it builds a relationship based on a false premise.

The fear of hurting or “betraying” her He may feel like he owes her his life, and therefore has no right to leave, even if he’s not happy or in love. This chronic guilt can lead to a form of emotional submission, which will make both of them miserable over time.

The myth of “I owe them everything” This is a common mental trap: believing that because someone saved you, you must stay loyal to them for life — even at the cost of your own freedom or inner truth. It becomes a form of perpetual emotional debt that prevents you from listening to what you really want.

Possible consequences:

He may repress his true feelings, or even fall into depression.

She may feel that something is wrong, even if he never says it.

The relationship can become suffocating, built on illusion, and eventually lead to resentment, frustration, or even repressed anger.

The factual and logical consequences I describe here include all the relationships based on this dynamic. But the fact is that every consequence cited here and highlighted is evident and present in season 4 (especially in their argument scenes) speak volumes.

It’s not necessarily toxic at the beginning, but it becomes toxic if it continues without honesty.

Being grateful is one thing. Sacrificing your truth in the name of that gratitude is another.

Conclusion :

Yes, El did save Mike’s life — and that’s incredibly important. But love born out of a life-saving moment doesn’t automatically make a relationship healthy. In fact, staying with someone because you feel emotionally indebted to them, rather than truly in love, can actually be a sign of an unhealthy or even toxic dynamic.

There’s a psychological phenomenon where intense gratitude, admiration, or even trauma-bonding gets confused with love. When someone saves your life — literally or emotionally — they can become symbolically larger than life to you. You feel like you owe them everything. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you're romantically compatible, or even emotionally fulfilled in the long run. It just means they became a figure of safety during a moment of terror or pain.

If Mike is with El partly because he feels like he has to be, because she saved him, then that’s not a free, mutual love. That’s emotional debt. That kind of imbalance can lead to deep internal conflict — guilt, suppression of real feelings, fear of hurting the other person — and that’s where toxicity begins to seep in, even if no one means harm.

Gratitude isn’t the same as love. And saving someone’s life doesn’t mean they owe you a relationship forever. If a relationship survives solely on the basis of a heroic act from the past — and not on genuine, reciprocal connection in the present — then it might not be as healthy as it looks from the outside.

[unaoverthinker]

No me hagas hacerme sentir como si yo fuera algo y no alguien.

-overthinker

[sheleftforher]

Love-Bombing & Idealization Love-bombing isn’t love. It’s a ticking time bomb. 💣

[thoughtsbysofi]

Why do we keep chasing the Idea of perfect love?

The love stories we tell ourselves

As hopeless romantics, we’ve all been there—daydreaming about “the one,” holding on to the magic of soulmates and chasing the fantasy of a love so perfect it feels predestined. But recently, a realization hit me:

We have no idea what love actually is.

We think we do. After all, we’ve read the books, watched the movies, and consumed enough romance content to fill entire libraries. We’ve built a collective idea of love, a shared mythos, but how much of that is real? If we’re honest, hasn’t the overconsumption of this idealized version of love distorted our understanding of it?

Take the constant projection and idealization, for example.

It’s almost automatic—whenever we meet someone even remotely attractive, our minds start weaving intricate fantasies. Suddenly, they’re not just a person; they’re the one. The chosen one. The once-in-a-lifetime love that will give our existence meaning.

In these mental scenarios, we often cast ourselves as the quirky, mysterious character—the one who will change their life forever. We picture ourselves as the free spirit, the deeply complex soul with a chaotic backstory. We’re the one they’ll never forget, the one they’ll think about with a wistful smile decades from now.

And why do we cling to this fantasy? Because we’ve been taught that she—the manic pixie dream girl, the enigmatic heroine—is lovable. Desirable. Worthy. She’s the kind of person people adore, not despite her flaws but because of them. She’s everything we’re not, and yet, in our minds, she becomes the version of ourselves we hope to be—the version we think someone could truly love.

But here’s the truth we rarely admit: in those fantasies, we’re never loved for who we really are. We’re loved for being someone else.

We imagine being adored not as the person writing this, but as the carefully curated romantic interest in someone else’s story. And for so long, that’s where we’ve placed our worth—in someone else’s gaze, someone else’s validation.

But is that fair? To us? To them?

It’s not fair to project these grand, cinematic expectations onto people who never asked for them. They’re not characters in our personal rom-com. They’re real, flawed individuals with their own stories, and they don’t owe us the fulfillment of our fantasies.

And yet, we find ourselves pulling away the moment someone doesn’t align with our imaginary script. We expect so much—everything, really—from one person. We want them to be the one, but when they don’t meet that impossible standard, we feel disappointed. And they? They’re left confused, wondering what they did wrong, when the truth is, it’s not about them at all.

It’s about us and our obsession with the idea of love.

Because here’s the kicker: love, in reality, is rarely like the movies. It’s not grand declarations or sweeping gestures. It’s not fireworks and soul-shattering kisses in the rain. Real love is…normal.

And that’s the part that terrifies us.

We crave the thrill, the drama, the intensity of love as a concept. But love in its truest form? It’s absurd in its simplicity. It’s imperfect, sometimes boring, and often inconvenient. And for those of us who’ve been raised on stories of epic romance, that normalcy feels like a letdown.

But maybe that’s the point.

Maybe real love isn’t about someone else completing us or making our lives extraordinary. Maybe it’s about learning to exist outside of someone else’s gaze. To be whole on our own, flaws and all, and to embrace the messy, unromantic, real connections we share with others.

Because in the end, isn’t that what love truly is? Not perfection, not fantasy—but presence. Showing up. Seeing and being seen. No projections, no expectations—just two imperfect people, trying their best.

And maybe that’s enough.

-xoxo

[pandagobrr]

It just be like sometimes

[soul-doll2005]

Never Have Idols

It seems I gained a lot of lessons in regards of admiration/idealization this year, and that after all we truly do not know who this person may be behind the avatar

[floreci3r]

Si te has decepcionado de algunas personas, recuerda esto: fuiste tú quien decidió ponerlas en un pedestal, quien las hizo ver inequívocas y aparentemente perfectas. Te ganó el sentimiento, e ignoraste a la razón, idealizar a alguien y tenerle muchas expectativas, también es una manera de infringirnos daño a nosotros mismo. No busques culpables donde no los hay, la culpa es enteramente de nosotros mismos, por esperar mucho de personas que carecen de empatía, honestidad y de valores.

[argonautsoul]

Ashleigh Brilliant, 1977.

[int1macyyyy]

Anyone who has that lame ass opinion that “the struggle is beautiful” is honestly kind of fucked up. Like people can be sleeping in their car trying to just cling to survival and they would try to find some aspect of like OH LOOK THE DETERMINATION OMG and turn it into poverty porn type shit. Either way thanks capitalism for all the trash ass gifts, perfecto.

[liftingthesea]

I love little notebooks and their wonderous potential to be my secret cave

[idealization-vn]

Wake up y'all new character sheet just dropped for Felix heheheheheh

As I promised, the new and improved character sheet for Felix Henbane. See? I can be consistent.

The choker is canon now btw y'all thought I was kidding in the last posts, huh?

[mythologypaintings]

Mars Disarmed By Venus

Artist: Jacques Louis David (French, 1748-1825)

Date: 1824

Medium: Oil on canvas

Collection: Musées Royaux des Beaux-Arts de Belgique, Brussels

Description

Mars Being Disarmed by Venus is the last painting produced by the French artist Jacques-Louis David. He began it in 1822 (aged 73) during his exile in Brussels and completed it three years later, before dying in an accident in 1825. The work combines idealization with elements of realism. Specifically, David integrated the idealized forms of mythological painting with a realist attention to detail. This combination of two seemingly incompatible principles also plays an important role in the themes of the painting, most notably in its treatment of masculinity and femininity.

David sent the painting from Brussels for exhibition in Paris, where Romanticism was ascendant in the Salon. The painting initially received a muted response from critics, but over time its reputation has grown. It is now displayed in the main hall of the Royal Museums of Fine Arts of Belgium in Brussels.

[meladyguizado]

Vemos lo que queremos para sentirnos como mejor nos conviene; y ¿qué es la conveniencia si no aquella con antítesis naturaleza resultante de sus maneras subjetivas?

- Melady Guizado, El precio de la idealización (2024).

[anthropologistfromentropy]

Sometimes I worry that I come across as either pretentious or culturally appropriative, but swear I don't mean to and can't help it. I just automatically pick up speech patterns from everything I read and hear, and it's all mixed up in my brain.

I don't even notice I naturally use AAVE (picked up mainly from my mixed best friend, but also internet in general and music), academic language, literary language from early 20th century, and random Russian slang. And I don't have the spoons to constantly monitor my language.

Pretty sure it's an autism thing, maybe a form of echolalia? And also connected to NPD/BPD traits probably. Like lacking a stable identity and strong separation between self and another person. Automatically being like a puzzle, made of pieces of your favorite people and characters. Especially with someone I have idealized/hyperfixated on I automatically take up pieces of them as part of myself, sometimes changing a lot suddenly, and often not realizing it myself. And it's hard to remember what I used to be like before.

I'm not pretending to be someone/something I'm not. It really becomes my sincere identity, my interest. With a lot of things, it's impossible to know whether I would have identified as or been interested in something even if my favorite person didn't. Usually, probably yes, though possibly much less intensively.

With some speech patterns like AAVE, foreign or very outdated expressions the external influence is much more obvious. And most unusual ways of speaking (and unusual interests too) are most likely to be stigmatized. It doesn’t help that some people use AAVE or more academic/literary language disrespectfully, or condescendingly. So I’m worried people will react negatively, think I'm an asshole :(

[deeperheights]

I just dreamt about my FP… again. He acted as if I didn’t exist. I don’t know if those are the worst dreams, or the dreams where he loves me like I love him, because no matter what, when I wake up reality glares at me and the abandonment pierces through my heart again.

/He said, ”Don’t trust your eyes

They always lie, they always lie

Only trust what you feel”

But I feel you in my dreams

And you’re next to me and you’re never real/

(From It’s Never Enough by we are the dirt)