#incorrect DC

[lithiumseven]

Jason: It’s your spleen! You lost an ORGAN Tim, you should have told us!

Tim: So? You don’t have your tonsils, that’s an organ!

Dick: That’s not the same and you kn-

Jason: Jokes on you, my tonsils grew back in the Lazarus Pit so your argument doesn’t even make sense!

Dick, now fully turned toward Jason: Your tonsils did WHAT

[juh-pyter]

Dick: Baby bird, when was the last time you got any sleep?

Tim (wild-eyed, gesturing frantically at an evidence board covered in photos, red string, and chaotic notes that barely make any sense): I don't know. 2 or 3 days. Not important. I don't need sleep, I need answers. I need to determine where in this swamp of conflicting clues squatteth the toad of truth.

Steph: Toad of truth? Is that a detective thing?

Jason: No, that's a crazy thing.

[wondersinwaynemanor]

Gothamite 1: Mr. Wayne looks more tired than usual.

Gothamite 2: Must be women problems.

Gothamite 3: I heard Wayne Enterprises is going bankrupt.

Gothamite 4: He must be really sick cus he has that Timothy boy doing the work for him. Although, that kid has been gone for quite some time now.

Gothamite 5: I heard he's gay and working at a club at night.

meanwhile, Bruce is just trying to balance life as Batman and as a father while dealing with his de-aged kids.

he knew he shouldn't have brought them with him on the mission.

Young Dick, tugging a toy: I'm going to kick you in the butt if you don't give me that stuffed toy back!

Young Tim, balancing an energy drink with one hand while pulling the toy from Dick on the other: You're so selfish, Dick! It's my turn!

Young Jason: *reading a book outloud by the corner just to annoy everyone else*

Young Cass: *on the floor, trying to balance her waffles on the table, with syrup all over the area*

the whole place is littered with fruit loops and cookies, milk splattered on the floor, the curtains are torn, dirty footprints are on the couches, a cape from one of their Robin suits is hanging on the chandelier, and the flat screen is damaged.

Steph: Ooof, it's bad, B.

Damian: Tt. Is Zatara even in this planet right now, Father?

Bruce, pinches the bridge of his nose: I think she's off world right now.

Duke: I'm more worried when Alf comes back from vacation and he sees this whole mess.

Bruce: I--

then they all hurriedly move to the children when they start to tackle themselves on the floor.

[bruhseidon]

[At Damian & Y/N’s wedding]

Alfred: I now pronounce you, husband and wi—

Jason, who is uninvited by Damian and is petty about it, so he decides to cause some chaos: HE CHEATED ON YOU!!

Damian, who has never once betrayed Y/N: WHO SAID THAT!?

Jason:

Damian: Who said that? Who said that…?

Alfred: I now pronounce you, husband and—

Jason: HE SLEPT WITH YOUR SISTER!!

Damian: WHO SAID THAT!?!

Jason:

Damian: WHO SAID THAT SH—

Alfred, speeding up: Inowpronounceyouhusban—

Jason: HIS HAIRLINE’S RECEDING!!

Damian, taking out his katana as he finally catches sight of Jason: [screaming]

[anothertimdrakestan]

*the bats arguing about the mission*

jason: why are we even listening to Mr. Capitalism over here? *gesturing at tim*

tim: what? that doesn't have anything to do wi-

jason: is it fun Mr. Monopoly? doing back flips over the picket fence line?

tim: there's no strike you buffoon and at least i don't sell DRUGS

jason: i should've known you don't support small businesses you corporate shill

tim: you don't run a small business.

jason: i sell a small amount of drugs to local customers at a fair price

steph: it's important to shop local, you know

tim: CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO THE MISSION?

[incorrect-waynemanor]

tim: hi sorry for ghosting you i'm being tormented by psychic horrors beyond your wildest comprehensions

tim: and also my siblings

[writing-nothing-but-spilled-ink]

No cause you know what would be funny as fuck Ras Al ghul randomly showing up to the Wayne Manor and just letting himself in doesn't wait for anyone to let him in and he doesn't even tell Talia he's stopping by Wayne Manor and it's the anniversary of Jason's rebirth and Ras accidentally missed Damian's birthday because he was out of the country so here he is just waltzing into the manor here's how I think it'll go

Ra's: breaks into Wayne Manor and bee-lines to the batcave cause his spies told him Damian and Jason were down there

Bruce:has his back turned to the entrance in the middle of lecturing Jason for being reckless and for rigging his batmobile to shoot fucking glitter bombs whenever he tried to fire any kind of projectile

Jason: come on it was funny and it worked honestly I thought you'd be happy no one's dead they're just covered in glitter

Bruce: eye twitching

Damian: notices Ras just casually waltzing into the bat cave

Damian: hello grandfather

Bruce:spins around to find Ras in his lair bracing himself for a fight or some type of bad news only for ras to by pass him entirely and beeline to Jason and Damian

Ra's: snaps his fingers and assassin's come out of nowhere seemingly appearing from the shadows one is holding a bear cub with a little bow on its head and hands it to damian and steps back meanwhile another assassin appears with a giant stack of first edition leather bound classic literature and some rare ones that are almost unheard of to have

Ra's: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GRANDSON'S :)

Bruce: is baffled because why is Ras calling Jason his grandson where did he get a bear cub why is he gifting Damian a bear cub, Damian's birthday was a month ago wtf Bruce's eye is twitching

Jason: oooo these are really hard to get, oh all of these are leather bound this is awesome thanks gramps though it's not really my birthday is your memory going old man

Ra's: this is the anniversary of your rebirth

Jason: ...

Damian: I appreciate the gift grandfather I shall name this bear lilly

Bruce: Damian I ... Look okay.. it's nice your .. his eye is twitching and he's trying to not lose his patience because again wtf.. grandfather has put an effort into this uh. Gift but you simply can't keep a bear in the manor much less in Gotham it's a wild animal

Damian: 😐 so isn't Jason and we keep him around and he gets to waltz around Gotham and the manor

Jason: hey listen here ya little shit

Bruce: exasperated first off your brother is not an animal secondly I'm not sure it's legal to keep a bear cub as a pet in Gotham

Damian: like running around Gotham dressed as a bat to beat up bad guys is legal, or that time you purposely broke into Arkham asylum to free Selina Kyle because her input on your suit was just sooooo important

Bruce: looks to Alfred

Alfred: well we do have the land space to build a sanctuary for the cub and the permits it would be quite an easy task to say the Wayne foundation is funding a bear sanctuary

Damian: ☺️ thank you Alfred

Bruce: turns to Ras why would you gift Damian a bear cub

Ra's: it was on his wishlist, and only the best for my grandsons, also you owe me child support

Bruce: ready to throw hands at this point

Alfred: smirks

Jason: trying really hard not to laugh

Ra's: ofcourse I'll let it go if you let the boy keep the bear cub in fact I have another gift but it won't be arriving for about a week 🙂.. he then turns to Damian you should give your mother a call she said something about wanting to plan something I'm really not sure what it is she's on about but regardless I think she'd like your input ... Well actually both your inputs

Bruce: sighs fine they get to keep the bear and we'll build the damn sanctuary but Damian i expect you to have it at least potty trained and do not under any circumstances let it in the kitchen I do not need a repeat of last time you got a new pet

Ra's: happy that he's annoyed the fuck out of Bruce and got his grandsons Great gifts my job here is done he claps his hands and his assassins fade back into the shadows

Jason: already lounging on a couch reading

Damian: holding the bear in his arms and patting it let's go get you some apples covered in honey 😊 walks out the cave with the bear cub

[incorrectjaydick]

Dick: I swear on my life. Jason: Bitch, you're suicidal, swear on something else.

[enby-mori]

[glitter-stained]

Why dc has yet to contact me to write a comic: a snippet of a potential script

Rose and Jason are drinking cocktails together on a beach.

Rose: So how has your family been doing?

Jason: Well, it's been complicated, what with everyone cutting contact with Bruce, but we're doing better I think. I heard he's been going to therapy to deal with having been possessed by an evil ghost for over ten years of his life, so maybe we'll try to get in contact again after he's gotten better, if everyone feels safe enough.

Rose: That must have been tough. How have you been dealing with that?

Jason: Haven't had the time to process it yet, I've been pretty busy dealing with the different clones of me running around once I found out what was going on... Can you believe Luthor thought it would be a good strategy? We didn't even look like eachother -and some of them were so low-effort...

Rose: And to think, once again, the villain was capitalism. What about your siblings?

Jason: Well, not much is new. Tim did go on that complicated journey full of adventure and growth recently culminating in finding himself a new hero name and leaving Gotham to lead his team, someone sure should tell the story of how that happened haha. But this isn't about him. Mostly we're all really happy the Joker slipped on a banana peel and died. But enough about me! What about you, what have you been up to?

Rose: Oh well, Joey and I are relearning how to he siblings, it's a journey... I'm very happy we were able to bring Eddie and my mom back from the dead before we destroyed the machine that's been stopping death from mattering for a while together. Also mom and Adeline have started to date, we're all very supportive.

Jason: And what about, y'know, Deathstroke ?

Rose: Fell in a hole.

Jason: Since when?

Rose: couple of months ago. Sometimes I toss him little bits of cat food when I walk past the hole.

Jason: Neat. Hey Wanna go to space and ask Kyle Rayner if he'd be up for a threesome?

Rose: God I thought you would never ask.

Like, I get it, dc. You guys are intimidated. It's okay, not everybody can understand the vision.

[betray-jaes]

Dick: I mean, come on. Let’s just hug it out. Come on! Hug it out!

Members of the BatFam: *struggle into a group hug*

Bruce: Who took my wallet?

Jason: Whoops sorry

[lithiumseven]

[juh-pyter]

Jason: I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes it bothers me how calm Dick is under pressure. It's like... like I'm the one who's overreacting!

Dick: That's good. Let it out. It's g...

Jason: I'm going to kill you!

[wondersinwaynemanor]

that time when Bruce suggested to his sons to invite Wally, Roy, Conner and Jonathan for dinner in the Manor, he saw how happy his sons were. sure, the table was a bit choaitc as different kinds of energy filled the room, but he didn't mind.

when he saw Dick's radiant smile and Damian's blushing face, and heard Jason's hearty laugh and Tim's soft giggle, he knew he didn't want his sons to be heartbroken ever again.

so he had an idea.

---

when The Justice League ends their meeting at the Watchtower, Batman asks for The Flash, Green Arrow and Superman to stay behind.

Superman: Something wrong, Batman?

Batman narrowed his eyes on the three League members as if he is analyzing them deeply.

Flash, gulps: Um, Bats. I know we've been a Team for years now, but your stare still kinda scares me....

Green Arrow, snorts: Oh dear, old, Spooky. Tell us-

Batman: You do know that I have contingency plans for each of you, right?

Flahs gulps again, Superman nods and Green Arrow rolls his eyes, although they remain silent.

Flash, horrified: Oh no, what did we do wrong? What did I do, Bats?

Superman starts to touch Batman by the shoulder, but Batman steps back.

Batman: They're great, so I know you're raising those kids right.

Batman, walks towards the exit: Because if my sons get hurt, I'm taking the actions to you.

and they finally understood.

Green Arrow: Oh.

Superman, smiles: Aw, don't worry, Batman. My boys are well-raised and behaved. They got it from their mama.

Green Arrow: Spooky, Roy is a father now. He and Jason are taking care of Lian, so they're locked for life. Plus, he knows he doesn't want to get on The Red Hood and Batman's bad sides.

Flash: Wally would never hurt Dick. He's got a crush on him since they were kids.

Batman, pats his utility belt: Contingency plans. Never forget.

he finally leaves the room.

the room is quiet, you can hear a pin drop on the floor even if you're not a super.

Green Arrow, speaks first: Doesn't he just use those plans when we've gone off the rails, or something like that?

Superman: Well, it's his sons' happiness we are talking about here.

Flash, releases a shaky breath: Damn it. I'm calling Wally.

Green Arrow: Oh fu- I barely know where Roy is these days.

Superman, already ahead of the two: See you both!

he's already flying out the room, already concentrating on finding both of his sons.

[bruhseidon]

Y/N, being captured by the Penguin: I’m full of truth juice! Don’t tell him nothin’, Red—

Penguin, pointing a gun at her: Shut up, kid! You’re lucky I don’t hit girls!

Y/N: Me neither… but for you I’d make an exception~ OHHHHHHH!

Jason, as Red Hood, tied up next to her: OHHH!

Penguin: Enough!

Y/N: ₒₕₕₕₕₕ…

[catboyarmand]

Dick: What do you have behind your back?

Jason: Nothing. Just something I want Selina's opinion on for Valentine's Day.

Dick: You don't want my opinion?

Jason: Not really.

Dick: Come on, I'm your older brother. Ask me.

Jason: *showing him two leather jackets* Oh, okay, big brother. Which one of these would make your little brother look hotter so your best friend would want to do him?

Dick: *freezing for a moment, then turning away and mumbling* The black one..