#like this and i will dm you for plotting !!

[nevertem]

[utilitycaster]

re the anti-resurrection poison though like. what the fuck was up with that. Like, I can, as a mediocre DM myself and an avid listener to NADDPod D&D Court understand where it came from: you needed a reason why Will and Derrig were still dead despite Keyleth being there, because that was Orym's backstory, which in turn dated back to Liam's concept for a backup character for Vax, ie, someone who had also lost a partner and would be sent to help Keyleth in the wake of a similar loss. So you come up with the anti-resurrection poison. And this also happens to work out nicely for the climactic solstice battle, because it explains why Keyleth can't just rally after Vax intervenes. It also makes sense as a thing the Ruby Vanguard would have, because of the anti-divine magic and the way that the Weave Mind have similar anti-healing powers.

The problem is, of course, that you've introduced this concept - which is, again, actually very good and elegant and fits in seamlessly - but it's out there and you have to either use it or come up with an excuse not to use it. And you can, I think, legitimately make a case for it not being in play in the Seat of Disdain fight because that came up very suddenly. But then it gets pretty weird that when Bells Hells become a consistent thorn in the Vanguard's side, and Otohan moves from "I need to keep the Ruidusborn alive but fuck everyone else" to "I'm just going to kill them all" and clearly knows they have considerable resurrection resources and access to the rare antidote given Keyleth's return to the stage that she doesn't just coat all weapons with it and nerf all healing to drain their resources.

And anyway this is a consistent problem, of like, there actually was the full setup for the story C3 intended to tell in C1 and C2 and early C3, but to make these entirely unrelated characters actually fit into a pretty specific narrative, you had to add in a bunch of complicated additions. And while some of those were a mess, some were actually really well done, like the initial introduction of the anti-resurrection poison and the gray assassins, and then none of it mattered because they were always just additions to make the core plot fit and there were too many balls in the air so they got dropped without exploration, and anyone paying attention was like "hey you dropped this" and it's like you could have juggled 3 or even 4 or 5 balls adequately, but you had to add in 4 extra balls and ultimately some of them landed on the ground and so the act of barely keeping 3 in the air in the end is undercut by the number you dropped.

[vadfannypack]

does anyone else fw him

[mamawasatesttube]

you know the "aliens made them do it" variant of the fuck or die trope? i think the funniest possible subversion of this is like... outsider pov, but specifically the pov of the alien xenobiologist phd student who's just like please. please i placed these two humans in an isolated setting with provisions for food, water, waste removal, and sleep. im waiting. please i just. please why aren't they... im STILL waiting. what do i have to do???? please... my thesis...!!!

[ethosiab]

I’m. So normal about the team Canada au. So normal and definitely not about to combust. Really just the most normal a person could possibly be. Perfectly still and certainly not vibrating out of my skin. I am. Calm.

Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please say more I must know about the little dudes I will not survive the winter

i believe you . you're soooo normal.

i, however, am not. long rambles + art under the cut

plot-wise, the AU is predominantly centered around the two Ethos—the 'original', who works for the Script Foundation and donated his DNA to their clone research for a little extra cash, and 404, an escaped clone and one of the more successful results of said research. The Script Foundation is a scientific/medical corporation, among the many in the system looking for a cure to death. To get around their inability to experiment on human subjects, they developed the cloning program, to develop realistic human bodies without the consciousness that brings in ethical issues (spoiler alert this does not happen).

When 404 escapes, of course the Script Foundation wants them back. A bounty is put out for them, and the Etho's put on a team to help bring them back. Etho, Tango (ship mechanic, Etho's only friend), and Joel (bounty hunter, does not want to be here) spend their time hunting down 404, and running into many issues along the way.

On the other side of things, 404 spends only about 3 hours on the run before they run into Pause and Beef. There's a lot of weirdness here, 404 doesn't recognize Pause and Beef beyond a sense of deja vu, and Pause and Beef think 404 is Etho (who they have not seen in years and have presumed is dead). I'm writing a fic for this scene, actually. long story short team canada takes 404 in, and agree they can stay with them for a bit.

From this point on, there's a lot going on for both sides.

Etho's face is plastered all over the city, it's a pretty high bounty, and he probably gets mistaken for 404 multiple times before the information gets updated with a photo of 404 with the scar. Joel and Tango have to work together to rescue him after he gets captured by rival bounty hunters

404 gets beef and pause to call them that, because they don't want to be etho (and the confusion that would come from using that name is immense). they aren't etho. they're not entirely satisfied with going by their number designation though, but they've got nothing better

pause and beef continue to grapple with the fact that A: etho is not dead, B: the guy that looks like Etho, who is currently sleeping on their couch, is not actually Etho, and C: they're helping a wanted criminal

The two of them do briefly consider handing 404 over, with the logic that they shouldn't have any attachment to them since they're just a clone, not actually their friend. They can't bring themselves to, though.

404's scar is from a knife to the face- when they first met beef and pause, 404 had no idea who they were. they were scared, and intimidated, and those two were acting way too familiar with them. they attacked pause, and he retaliated. it just so happened that pause was armed, and trained how to fight, and 404 was...not.

luckily, 404 heals quickly. a cut to the face that should have taken minimum of a month to heal, and should have been fatal without medical attention, resolves itself in a few days. ...that's probably why the script foundation wants him back, huh.

Team canada are able to keep the knowledge that theyre harboring a fugitive on the downlow by being known bounty hunters- they've generally got good standing with people.

in fact, 404 just helps them with bounty hunting. They have the time of their life doing this shit. pause and beef love having them around too (it makes them wish Etho had agreed to join them doing this, all those years ago).

team canada are having a lighthearted and fun time, things go wrong but they escape trouble and everything ends alright. that's their vibe.

for etho though, everything keeps going wrong it's almost comical. everytime they've got a lead and almost catch 404, something gets in the way. in my head this au really is just a space opera anime in a similar vein to cowboy bebop, so etho and the gang are like the very unlucky villains.

tango and joel are constantly bickering. a big point of contention between them is that joel wants to fly the ship, because this is his mission and he was hired to do this, but Tango won't let him because its his ship and he's not going to let some bounty hunter drive it. Etho is so tired.

404 does not wear a facemask like etho. in fact its just a generally stressful time for etho to have his face well known everywhere. he doesn't like people seeing his face, and while mostly its an anxiety thing during social interaction, after so long of keeping it private, its really unsettling having to see it everywhere.

Joel's mostly in it for the money to pay off his debt, Tango's there because he's worried about Etho, and Etho's doing it because he thinks he has to. He hasn't really had a life seperate from the Script Foundation in years, it's all he knows. for him, this is about finding out what he's being made to do it fucked up, and the choice to do something about it.

It's about seeing this happier and more free version of himself, and choosing to help them instead of feeling the resentment he wants to. (Look at this person who is meant to be you. they are experiencing the joy you never got with the people you turned your back on. you realise you've never gotten that, you've been hiding from yourself for your entire life because you've been scared of upsetting the quota. you've been settling for mediocrity when you could've had so much more. Are you going to allow them that?)

also 404 might figure out theyre trans so that's a really fun thing for etho to find out about himself through his clone.

yeah i think the genres here are very different depending on whether you're looking at it from 404 or from Etho's pov lmao

and this isn't even getting into the shit about genetically enhanced humans, or cyborgs.

okay you've made it this far, have some sketches of the ethos as reward. these are from probably a mid point in the plot, i was playing with the idea of 404 being able to grow their hair our for a few months after escaping.

[dojunie]

dojun wip update with snippets...!

→ swimming for dummies; ljn

current wc: 30k

est finished wc: possibly 40k… and… and i’m already working on a part 2…

info update: in my top 3 as far as writing priority goes, stuck in a mental block with the last scene before the ‘ending’ (also possible retitle incoming lol)

snippet ↓

→ misdial; ljn

current wc: 58k

est finished wc: 70k-75k

info update: again, very big writers block, i’m realizing that i don’t actually like the current trajectory of this plot so im struggling between rewriting it completely or trying to fandangle what i DO like about it into a something that makes more realistic sense

snippet ↓

→ misdial, the lake house; njm

current wc: 24k

est finished wc: 35K

info update: high prio! i’m having fun writing this so it’s coming to me easier. no current writers block, just a little hard to sit down and concentrate…

snippet ↓

→ courtside; ljn or njm (itwd retitle/rewrite)

current wc: 61k

est finished wc: 80k-90k

info update: still my pride and joy. this is not coming any time soon LOL, but i am actually having a lot of fun with this one too… struggling between maybe posting the first chapter and seeing how it does (but worrying about people getting bored waiting between updates…) or sucking it up and waiting to post it only until its completely finished (which will be in 2026 by this rate…)

snippet ↓

and, secretly, a new contender to the board…

→ overnight gamer; ldh

current wc: 31k

est finished wc: girl idk. rough ballpark, 50k, but that sounds like wishful thinking even to me

info update: not really an update bc i’ve never posted about this on here before but here is half the reason i’ve been so slow with working on everything else… hello, gamer haechan brainrot!

snippet ↓

authors note: so! hello my friends :D i've been mia for a little bit because every time i go away for a while i get nervous to come back LOL but... i've been writing! so i thought it might be nice to post a little update so you all don't think i've died or anything

[illicitlifc]

Might have forgotten I did one so deleted and remade because I'm alive. So. PLease, give this post some affection if you'd like something from my dumbass son Rohan.

Mutuals only. Multis plz specifiy. Side blogs reply. Length will vary but will probably be more on the short side to break ice and get things started for new people. I'm going to see how many I can do before I can't think of anymore starters. If you want a specific verse plz say. Just note HSR I'm still slowly working things out for him!

[louissatturi]

Do you guys know those modern bingyuan au's where shen yuan sees modern lbh and just stalks him because he looks identical to his blobo luo binghe from PIDW?

Sooo imagine a cumplane au where shen yuan see Airplane in a convention running to do some odd job there and sy is just dumbfounded how almost identical that random is to luo binghe (at least how he imagines him)

Now that random ofc has alot of diferences to how lbh is mostly depicted, first of all the random is fully human so no demon features, the guy instead of being tall and lean with some muscle he is a shorty (he is not short he is 172/5'8 he is avarege) that is kinda chubby and his hair is not abyss black but a shitty dyed brown hair and him being a normal human he has very prominent eye bags and some acne scars but besides those diferences he was basicly identical to how lbh was depicted in his fanarts even having some of his headcannons that ware extremely unpopular on the fandom! (Frackles) he wasn't as scary as the beloved cruel demon emperor but he had hit all the boxes to be the perfect luo binghe in his white lotus era! And like any normal pidw fan he just really wanted to protect and take care of him

And like any normal person he really tried to find him but it was really hard to stalk someone when you didn't even got the name of the person, frustrated he decided to do the next best thing and just decided to take care of airplane, it's the best next thing right?

Airplane after getting the weirdest and shadiest dm from one of his haters, perless cucumber, to be his roommate and in exchange he would have to write "actually good chapters" and since if he died he wouldn't have to pay any bills, he accepted this offer

After they decided to meet at a random Café shen yuan has a closet gay crises over airplane being the white lotus binghe clone and airplane has a gay crises over his biggest hater being almost his type (especially cucumber-bro being a tsundere and airplane being a big masochist) and then they settle being weird roommates together!

This au would basicly be shen yuan trying to be a good bro and being a bunch of red flags but luckily for him Airplane bro favorite color since he is lbh og source and the au is a comedy so it's okay to be creepy lol

Also footnote, airplanes name in this fic wouldn’t be shang qinghua (because I enjoy the idea of sqh being very diferent then irl Airplane in appearance and name) his name would be

洛冬快 Aka: Luo DongKuai because I wanted to mix shang qinghua's name logic with Luo binghe's lol (with 冬 dong meaning winter, and 快 kuai meaning speed, this is what my limited Chinese could come up with lol)

Also other footnote because I noticed a weird trend of country's with low fertility rates just decide to just put babies in brazilian woman and because I am brazilian, Airplane bro is part brazilian by his mom's side! I just think it's neat!

[arathejedi394]

i cracked this morning and read the first like 200 words of my og novel that i wrote when i was 13/self-published at 14

and like

why did hank green post it on his instagram with praise?? like i think of it and i cringe. today i re-read the first 200 words and i wanted to stop existing?? why did my mom give him a copy of it i did not ask her to do that??? i just went to one of his concerts in 2014 and my mom just gave the book to somebody and for some reason that somebody gave it to hank green and then suddenly im in the crowd 15yo new best friend bc nerdfighteria and hank green is like "oh somebody gave one of the guys this book just before the show and i took a look at it and i kinda like it it's pretty good" and up he holds none other than my og novel he goes "a 14yo wrote this and it's pretty good this affirms my faith in humanity or something like a very young not-adult did this whole novel and it's not bad that's cool" idk what he said it was 10 years ago. and there's me in the crowd freaking the fuck out i say to my new bff who i had just met at the beginning of the concert bc we were standing next to each other like "BRO THAT'S MY BOOK" new bff is like "BRO THAT'S YOUR BOOK???" and starts jumping up and down for attention like "YO THAT'S THIS GUY'S BOOK" hank green hears points at me and goes "HEY HE'S RIGHT THERE YOUR BOOK'S PRETTY COOL KID" AND THEN!!! HE FUCKING PUT IT ON HIS INSTA??? AND PRAISED IT??? THE STICKY NOTE MY MOM LEFT ON IT WITH LIKE 10 WORDS OF SYNOPSIS STILL ON THE COVER??? ALL OF HIS INSTA FOLLOWER'S SAW MY MOM'S HANDWRITING??? AND MY WHOLE ASS INITIALS + LAST NAME??? A COMPLIMENTARY REVIEW BY HANK GREEN HIMSELF??? WHY?? WHY WAS MY 15 MINUTES OF FAME THAT CRINGE ASS Y/A NOVEL???

nobody go looking back at hank green's 2015 insta. do not confirm this is true. let this be a totally unverifiable claim of some rando fandom blogger.

listen. i was 13 when i wrote that book. i was so full of brand new baby teen angst. i do not understand why hank green did not open the book flip through a couple pages go "oof this kid needs a therapist and a writing coach" and never mention it again. i do not understand why he mentioned it on stage, i don't know why he put it on his instagram, it was so bad. ohmygod. i wish i could forget it ever happened

eXCEPT I CAN'T

bc iT wAs SuPpOsEd TO BE A TRIOLOGY. aNd I ONLY WROTE ONE. AND MY PARENTS ARE STILL ASKING ME WHEN BOOK TWO IS COMING.

IT'S BEEN TEN YEARS.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Screaming from the crypt (or how the past haunts the present on Midnights)

I know it's been discussed so much since Midnights came out but just.

I love how there is such a clear narrative throughout the album (and perhaps especially on the 3am/Vault tracks). About questioning and regret and choices and coming to terms with all of it. It is one long story about how we're all a mosaic of the choices we make, each one taking something from us and leaving something else in its place.

(And now a disclaimer: I'm looking at this mostly through a narrator/subject lens, and trying not to dive too deeply into real-life events or speculation except for in a general sense. For this purpose I like to look at the body of work as art, like literature, because I find it makes it easier to see the common threads in the different songs and cohesion in the narrative.)

In looking at the 3am+ tracks in particular, it's fascinating how some turns of phrases or themes repeat themselves in different songs, in different contexts. (I'm only focusing on the non-standard tracks because there are too many songs and I'd be here all day but I bet I could do a part two lol.) I know many people have pointed out the parallels throughout her discography already and I’m not saying anything groundbreaking by writing this, but I love how these parallels run through in the same album, because it makes it seem like it's one long story, or at least, one long rumination on many different stories that are coalescing into a single narrative.

Battle (let’s go)

For instance, the one that jumped out at me when I started writing this post the other week was, "Tore your banners down, took the battle underground," in The Great War and "If clarity's in death, then why won't this die? Years of tearing down our banners, you and I," in Would've, Could've Should've. It's a story about staying stuck in the same cycle of reliving trauma and coping mechanisms and bad habits over and over again and fantasizing about how taking the “antagonist” out and gaining the upper hand for good would bring closure (WCS), but the truth is that nothing ever will. All that cycle does, though, is repeat itself in other situations, and in this case pushes someone away the narrator cares for (TGW). The difference is that the imagined battle in WCS is a two-way street in her mind (that is ultimately unwinnable because it was never a fair fight), but in TGW it's one-sided -- she's the one fighting dirty, taking shots, the way she'd been doing in her imagination (or nightmares) all these years. But the person in front of her isn't fighting back the way the person in her mind in WCS would, because their intentions are honourable instead of exploitative.

And that's paralleled in another pair of lyrics from the two songs, "And maybe it's the past talking, screaming from the crypt, telling me to punish you for things you never did," (in TGW) and "The tomb won't close, I fight with you in my sleep," (in WCS). In both cases, the funeral imagery makes it seem like this past event should be dead and buried in WCS, but it keeps rising from the dead, haunting her no matter what she does and in TGW, another (or perhaps the same?) tomb that won't close keeps unleashing new ways to hurt her and in turn the new person in her life. In other words, the trauma from the past continues to bleed into the present.

(Again from a literary point of view, I'm not saying the events of the two songs are linked IRL, but they're fascinating textual parallels on the album as a string of chapters, which is why Dear Reader is so compelling, but that's a whole other essay.)

To keep the battle motif going, there’s yet another parallel, this time between TGW’s "[You were a] soldier down on that icy ground, looked up at me with honor and truth," and You’re Losing Me’s "All I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, fighting in only your army.” In the former, the subject is laying down his armour in the war she’s projecting onto him, waving the white flag, and she realizes that she’s about to destroy something if she doesn’t put her sword down too. By the time we get to YLM, the roles are almost reversed; at the very least they’re supposed to be on the same team, but in this case she’s doing all the heavy lifting, fighting for their relationship in contrast to his apathy killing it. It’s also pretty interesting (if not outright intentional) that one of the 3am+ editions of the albums starts with The Great War, where they find themselves in conflict (even if it’s in her head) that ends in a truce, and ends with You’re Losing Me signalling the end of the relationship, evidence that the resolution in the first song wasn’t an ending but merely a ceasefire before the last battle.

Putting the rest under a cut because this is waaaaay too long now ⤵️

(There’s also another metaphor there in The Great War with its battle imagery: World War I, aka The Great War, was supposed to be the war to end all wars, because loss on its scale was never seen before and when it ended, most thought never again would the world embroil itself in such battle, the horrors and implications were so devastating. Two decades later, the world found itself in WWII, with an even larger scope and more horrific consequences, the intervening time between the two a period of festering conflicts and resentment leading to some of the worst acts the world would see. Bringing real life into it for a second, there’s something a little poetic, though sad, about The Great War the song being about a fight that could have ended the relationship that they ultimately resolved and was meant to be evidence of the strength of their love, but so too did it end up being a period of détente, the greater battle coming for them years later. But that is not the point of this post.)

If one thing had been different

Another major theme in these editions is pondering the "what ifs?" of life, but I think it takes on even more significance in the broader context of the album in the lyrics of "I'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been, should've been you," in Bigger than the Whole Sky and the repetition of would've/could've in Would've, Could've, Should've (I would've looked away at the first glance, I would've stayed on my knees, I would've gone along with the righteous, I could've gone on as I was, would've could've should've if I'd only played it safe, etc.) In both songs, the narrator is mourning an alternate course their life could have taken* and questioning what they could have done differently, in the aftermath of trauma and loss, and the regret that comes with that loss, and with the loss of agency in the situation because ultimately it was never in their hands. In an album full of questions, wondering about the path not taken, or the forks in the road that have led to a different version of your life, it's digging deeper into the contrast of choice vs. fate, action vs. reaction, dwelling on the past vs. moving on. When you're supposed to let go of the past, what do you do when it is holding your future hostage?

(*I know there are different interpretations/speculation about BTTWS which I am not getting into on main. I'm just saying that whatever the song is about, it's grieving something that never came to be. The literal origin of the song is less important to the album than the sense of loss it portrays. Whatever the inspiration is, it's crafted to tell part of the story of Midnights of ruminating over how, to borrow from her previous work, if one thing had been different, would everything be different?)

(Also I was today years old when I realized that the words are inverted in the two songs. Apparently I've been hearing BTTWS wrong this whole time.)

There's also an interesting tangent in the role of faith in both songs: in WCS, the events of the story cause her to lose her faith (e.g. "All I used to do was pray," "you're a crisis of my faith,") and question all the things she felt had been unquestionable until that point in her life (e.g. "I could have gone along with the righteous"), whereas in BTTWS, she questions whether that very lack of faith is to blame for the loss in that song ("did some force take you because I didn't pray? [...] It's not meant to be, so I'll say words I don't believe"). It's like pinpointing the moment her life changed and upended her beliefs (WCS), but as a result then leaving her unmoored in times of crisis because ultimately there's no explanation or comfort to be taken from what she used to hold true before that (BTTWS). The words she once relied upon to guide her have long since lost their meaning, but in times of trouble it leaves her wondering if that faith she once held then lost could have prevented this pain.

(Shoutout to WCS for being Catholic guilt personified lol.)

To keep on with the vaguely faith-y notions, an obvious parallel is the line in Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve about, “I damn sure never would've danced with the devil at nineteen,” and, "When you aim at the devil, make sure you don't miss," in Dear Reader. All of WCS is about her fighting with an antagonist who haunts her, with whom she wholly regrets ever becoming involved. DR could be seen as a reflection on that fall from grace, warning the audience that if you choose to go after the person (or thing) haunting you, make sure you do so clearheaded enough to be decisive. Again, these “devils” may not be related in real life: the IRL devil in DR could be speaking about her naysayers, or Kim*ye, or Scott & Scooter B, etc., meaning not to cross your enemies until you know you can win. But taking real life out of it and looking at it textually, I am intrigued by the link between WCS and DR, so that’s what I’m going with here. And perhaps that’s even the point in a wider sense; there will be multiple “devils” in your life, or threats to your well-being. If you’re going to commit to taking them down — whether it’s an actual person, or the demons inside you that refuse to let you go — make sure you have the right ammo so that they can no longer hurt you. (Of course, one lesson from these experiences is that sometimes you can’t win, and you have to live with the fallout.)

(Sidebar: I know that “dancing with the devil” is a turn of phrase that means being led into temptation and engaging in risky behaviour, as opposed to describing the actual person. Given the religious metaphors in the song, that could very well be/is the intention, particularly when it’s preceded by, “I would have stayed on my knees” as in she would have continued to follow her faith — in whatever sense that means — had she never met this person, which could also be a more eloquent way of saying she would have continued to be live her life in a way that was righteous (even naive) and seen the world in black and white. Either way, it’s a force she wholly rejects. Like I said, multiple devils, same fight.)

Regret comes up too: in WCS, she says, "I regret you all the time," obviously directed at the person who manipulated her and led to her perceived downfall, citing him as the one impulse she wished she'd never followed, because it won't leave her no matter how hard she’s tried. In High Infidelity, she tells the person to, "put on your records and regret me," and on the surface, it’s like she’s turning the tables, painting herself as the one now causing the regret in someone else, the one inflicting the pain this time. Yet the verse preceding it and the lines following it in the chorus depict a partner who is also emotionally manipulative and vindictive like in WCS (“you said I was freeloading, I didn’t know you were keeping count,” “put on your headphones and burn my city,”). It’s not so much that she’s intentionally harming the person (the way the person in WCS does to her), but rather that the venom in the subject’s feelings towards her seeps through; she’s imagining the way he’s going to feel about her when she leaves, hating her just for by being who she is. (There could be another tangent about how in both songs she’s there to be a “token” in a game for both of the men, who play her for their own purposes.) The regret is dripping with disdain. It’s as though she’s picturing how the person is going to hate her for doing what she’s thinking of doing the way she hates the person who first hurt her.

Sadness, unsurprisingly, shows up in a few lyrics. In BTTWS, “Everything I touch becomes sick with sadness,” sets the scene of a person so overcome with grief that it permeates everything around them; they cannot see their way out of it and feel like the fog will never lift. In Hits Different, it’s, “My sadness is contagious,” the result of a breakup where the person’s grief again touches everything and everyone around them, pushing them further in their despair and loneliness. The reason behind the grief in either case may vary, but regardless of the source, the feeling is overpowering and isolating. They may be different chapters in the story, but the devastation is hauntingly familiar. (As is a recurring theme in Midnights as a whole: there are situations and feelings that present themselves at different points in her journey and colour in the lines in different ways along the road. Like revisiting an old vice and realizing the hit isn’t quite the same as it was in the past.)

Death by a thousand cuts

She also writes about wounds on this album, which isn't surprising I suppose given that the whole conceit is that these are things that have kept her up at night over the years. WCS is perhaps the driving narrative on this never ending hurt when she sings, “The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign, I regret you all the time,” suggesting that no matter what she does, the pain of this experience has permeated everything she’s done afterwards. (Not unlike the overwhelming grief in BTTWS, for instance.) Elsewhere, in High Infidelity she sings, "Lock broken, slur spoken, wound open, game token," and in Hits Different, "Make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding.” Again I'm not suggesting they're about the same events; the line in HI is about a situation where a partner crosses a boundary, hits below the belt, picks at an insecurity (or creates a new one) and treats the relationship like it's transactional, opening the floodgates in turn. In HD, the wound seems to be more self-inflicted, where she's pushed the person away. (Over a situation real or imagined she feels she needs distance from.) But again, something has picked at her like a raw nerve, and just like in the past, she's hurting, even in a different time and place and person. Almost like the wounds of the past break open over and over again to create new scars. If one were to extrapolate further, it wouldn’t be the biggest leap to wonder if the wound open in WCS, then torn apart in HI makes the one in HD hurt even more.

(I once wrote a post about how I think as time goes on, WCS is going to turn into one of those songs that will be found to drive so much of her work, because it’s just… kind of the unsaid thesis statement of so much of her songwriting.)

Another repeated theme is that of the empty home and loneliness. In High Infidelity, she sings, "At the house lonely, good money I'd pay if you just know me, seemed like the right thing at the time," painting a picture of someone who may have everything they'd want to the outside world, but in reality feels metaphorically trapped in their home (or at least alone amidst abundance), a symbol of a relationship gone sour and a failure to build connection. She just wants someone to understand her, want her for her, but as she's written earlier in the song, she's just a pawn in the game, a trophy from the hunt. Home, in this case, is lonely, isolated, an emblem of her fears. In Dear Reader, she continues this thread, then singing, "You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking, if you knew where I was walking, to a house not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there, where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care, no one sees you lose when you're playing solitaire." It's the same idea, admitting to listeners that the gilded cage she lived in kept her distanced from her loved ones and real connection, keeping her struggles close to the vest but feeling desperately lonely amidst her crowning success. She's pushed people away and it may have felt like the right thing at the time, but in the end maybe felt like she was trapped. And when you push people away, eventually they take you at your word and stop pushing back; you’re a victim of your own success at isolating yourself. What starts out of self-preservation then further perpetuates the underlying problems.

(There's another interesting link about "home" also feeling unsafe with HI's "Your picket fence is sharp as knives," which further leads into the theme of marriage/domesticity feeling dangerous, which is a whole other thing I won't get into here because it's another discussion and may derail this already gargantuan word salad.)

In a slightly similar vein, we have the metaphor of bad weather for a rocky road or unstable relationship, in High Infidelity again with, "Storm coming, good husband, bad omen, dragged my feet right down the aisle" and You’re Losing Me’s "every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes.” They aren’t speaking of the same situation or even same kind of breakdown, but it is pretty interesting how the idea of clouds/storms/floods/etc. play such a role in Taylor’s music to signal depression, apprehension, fear, uncertainty, etc. In HI, I think the “storm” coming is the looming threat of commitment to a partner who makes the narrator uneasy (if not fearful). In this case, the idea of making a life with this person is not one that incites joy or comfort, but instead makes the narrator feel that dark times are ahead if she continues down this path. Perhaps in some way, the “storms” in YLM have made good on the threat in HI in a different way; it’s a different home, a different relationship, but the clouds have settled in regardless, and some of her fears have come to fruition in ways she did not expect. The person she once trusted no longer sees her or her struggles (or worse, doesn’t care), and the resentment and pain build with each passing day.

Coming back to heartbreak, one of the obvious "full circle" moments is the beginning of a relationship in Paris, where she says that, "I'm so in love that I might stop breathing," clearly enthralled in a new love that allows her to shut the world out and grow in private, capturing the all-encompassing nature of the relationship. This infatuation has consumed her in the most wonderful way (in contrast to the sorrow of some of the previous songs), and it feels like a life-altering (or even life-sustaining?) force that is so strong she may forget what it’s like to breathe. (Metaphorically speaking, of course.) By the end of the album, though, in You're Losing Me, that heart-stopping love has become a threat: "my heart won't start anymore for you." In the former, her racing heart is full of excitement, but by the latter, her heart has given out completely under the weight of the pain she bears. (YLM is full of death/illness imagery which I already wrote about awhile ago so I won't hear, but needless to say that song deserves its own essay for so many reasons.) She's gone from the unbridled joy of the beginnings of a relationship to the unrelenting sorrow of its end, two sides of the same coin.

Love as death appears elsewhere in the music too, for instance, in High Infidelity’s, “You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough" and You’re Losing Me’s “How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying? […] My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick.” Though not completely analogous situations, they both tell the tale of one partner’s apathy (or at least denial) destroying the other. In the former, the partner’s actions (or inaction) are more insidious, if not sinister; in the latter, the lack of momentum (or admission of a problem) is passive. In both cases, the end result is the narrator’s demise; it’s a drawn out affair that chips away at her morale and her health and her sense of self. (Breaking my own rule about bringing in alleged actual events into the discussion, but the idea that the relationship in High Infidelity, which was obviously fraught with unease and even fear, ended in a similarly excruciatingly slow and hurtful death by a thousand cuts as the relationship in You’re Losing Me almost did at that time must have been so painful. It almost feels like YLM is wondering why what used to be a source of light in her life was mirroring a situation that caused her such pain in the past.)

From the same little breaks in your soul

I said early on that part of what is so compelling about Midnights is that it feels like an album about ruminating — on choices, on events, on people — and the two final “bonus” tracks of the album depict that as well. In Hits Different, she sings that, “they say if it’s right, you know,” an ode to the confusion of a breakup and struggling with the aftermath of calling it quits. It’s a line that has always intrigued me, because the typical use of the phrase is in the sense of, “you’ll know when you meet the one,” but here it seems to have a double meaning, a reassurance perhaps from the friends (who later on tell her that "love is a lie") that she’ll know if she’s made the right decision in calling it off, but could also be her wondering if the relationship is right, she’ll know, and want to reconcile. In the final bonus track, You’re Losing Me, she sings, “now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time,” this time leaving no doubt about the dilemma she faces, though it’s no less fraught. She’s wondering, perhaps for the last time, if now is finally the moment to end the relationship for good. They say that if it’s right she’ll know, and now she’s wondering if that feeling inside her (that once told her her partner was the one, which is why it hit differently), is telling her that it’s time to go for good. Wait Alexa play “It’s Time To Go.” These are not only the things that keep her up at night, but the things that play over in her mind like a film reel in her waking hours.

Midnights as a whole is a deeply personal album, as is most of Taylor's work, but the 3am+ edition tracks seem to dig even deeper to a lot of the issues raised on the standard album. Almost like the standard tracks are the things she wonders about on sleepless nights, but the bonus tracks are the things that haunt her in the aftermath. The regret, anger, sadness, grief, relief, even joy— they’re the price she pays for the memories she keeps reliving. Midnights might be the most cohesive narrative of all her albums, and really does feel like we’re watching someone work through her journal over time, stopping short of outright naming those giant fears and intrusive thoughts (except for when she does) but making them plain as day when you connect the songs together, and perhaps never more clearly than in the expanded album. It’s incredible how the songs stand on their own to relay a specific moment in time, but that they are also self-referential to each other (whether thematically or overtly) to weave a larger web over the entire work. We’re so lucky as fans to have these stories and to keep peeling back these layers as time passes. (And my literature-analysis-loving ass loves her even more for it.)

This is obviously by no means an exhaustive list, and I know there are more parallels and probably even stronger links (particularly when you add the standard version into the mix), but these were the ones that particularly struck me and I’m just glad I’ve had a chance to sit with this and think it through. ❤️

[fadewalking]

Here is a short starter/plotting call for any new mutuals coming in. (Don't forget to specify which muse you want something from).

[utilitycaster]

When we say characters are narrative tools that just means that any statement like "we need to hold [fictional character] accountable" or critiquing a fictional relationship solely on the basis of whether it is healthy is worthless. It doesn't mean that you can excuse bad writing/storytelling by saying WELL THEY'RE NARRATIVE TOOLS. Characters don't need to be good people to be compelling nor sympathetic! But also, sometimes there's a villain who does just fucking suck (for example) and isn't interesting and only exists to push the narrative from point A to point B and that's valid to criticize. Characters aren't real people and shouldn't be judged as such; but they should feel real and vibrant and their actions should feel organic to the story and hold weight. If they actually just feel like a tool of the narrative then that's bad storytelling; the purpose of a story is to dress up these tools in something compelling.

[the-porn-demon]

Husk let out a lazy yawn as he slumped at the bar, idly swirling a glass of cheap, mediocre booze. Half-asleep and with his head propped on one hand, he scanned the room in his usual, indifferent way. That was when a flash of pink snagged his half-lidded gaze—a familiar figure was ambling over. With a resigned roll of his eyes, he grumbled, "Hey, look who decided to show up."

Ever since right before the extermination—when, against all odds, they put aside their differences—Husk and Angel have been on some seriously weird terms. Even though Husk and the pornstar have managed to forge an unlikely bond and a shared understanding, Angel still remains, well... Angel. ( @husktheloser )

What’s the long face for kitten? Missing a hot date or somethin’? Angel pulled up a seat at the bar and crossed one leg over the other. Oooor, were you just missing me? Pour me something sweet, it’s been a long day.

[arsenicflame]

Hornigold's Izzy was the worst, of course. A version of himself that never escaped that terrible place, who lived his life as little more than an object. He still has nightmares about all the things Baz told them, about all the things he didn't.

It doesn't really surprise him, after the first ones, not at its root. To be Izzy Hands is to be someone's after all, though seeing his own face on someone so fundamentally different to him never gets less weird. The people who these other Izzys attached themselves too often left him with more questions than answers. Jack's Izzy, he can understand, from a certain view, though the man himself felt like a fever dream. The less said about Stede's Izzy the better, he's never going to forgive him for the ideas he put in his Stede's head.

Then there was Sam's Izzy.

The first thing anyone noticed about him was that he was happy. He smiled and laughed without thought, and went through life with an ease Izzy didn't think he had ever felt. The crew took to him immediately, accepting him in a way they never did the other Izzys, and certainly not their own. They prodded him and asked him endless questions, and he took every touch without a flinch and answered every question without a hint of a grumble. This Izzy was free. He was open, unburdened, trusting. He was happy.

Sam's Izzy was the one that hurt the most to see. He could accept the worst that Hornigold could've offered, that he would have suffered and been broken. It was infinitely harder to see that he had a chance to be this happy. That it slipped through his fingers.

He's never looked back before, but now? Seeing what might've been? He can't stop himself from considering the possibility that maybe he made the wrong choice back then, going with Ed.

[oldbutchdanielcraig]

what is Your take on the show possibly doing past dm in its entirety like how do you think it could be carried out cause i feel like everyone's main gripes are that it'll somehow fuck w the show's integrity/daniel couldn't possibly have forgotten Everything/it doesn't make sense with the storyline we currently have. i'm v curious as someone who loves the direction the show is taking but also wants to see assad and lbf devil their minions

first of all it's a little crazy to me that it could fuck with the show's integrity when the show in question is literally the "memory is a monster" show. like. regardless how you feel about the fact that the show did this they literally spent the last episode going "yeah the guy you think is the villain actually isn't, and everybody just fucking forgot or didn't know to begin with. which is how he got away with it." and keep in mind the villain in question is the guy who has been consistently erasing everybody's memories for fun and his own personal gain. so like. i think the show will survive if they introduce a romance b-plot and do so by saying "yup! daniel forgot before because armand made him!" anyway.

the one thing i'm curious about is the fact that in the books devil's minion era is intrinsically linked with lestat's show and akasha and so on and so forth. which it won't be in the show to the same degree because lestat isn't a rockstar in 1985. and by the time he is daniel is already a vampire. so it'll be interesting to see if that somehow is the defining factor of if/how they do it.

in terms of daniel and armand's relationship though i think it works really well? like i think it's very easy to say that in 1985 armand wiped daniel's memories instead of made him a vampire. i love the idea that night island happens, then daniel starts running away, and there's some overlap with his relationship with alice and armand. very easy for armand to see daniel in a near-death OD type situation and say yeah, nope, this is not happening again, we're breaking up and you can't remember me. (the breakup could happen a bunch of different ways also which maybe they'll go with! but i'm just sticking as close to book canon as i can rn) i think the trajectory of the relationship could stay just about the same. i think the one potential difference is like. well what happens after 1985? which is why i've really come to like the idea that in show verse there's the possibility of armand visiting daniel throughout the years until dubai happens. this potentially is where things get goofy, like. armand just restoring and deleting daniel's memories over and over again kind of like a cartoon villain. but iiiii like it for the fact that it implies armand can't stay away from him. and they'll be in love forever. i could probably talk about this forever but to sum it up like yeah. i think it could very realistically work. i think whatever they do will be compelling to me but i do feel just a little bit you can pry 70s-80s devil's minion out of my cold dead hands

[hard-times-paramore]

Listened to the Doctor's ex-boyfriend audiodrama episode, thinking it was going to be a funny romcom, only for it to be a most fucked up scifi short story about simulations and manipulation. What the fuck.