#of your posts rather than being able to rely on their tag system...

[aroaceleovaldez]

random question but i came across a post of yours where you talked about how mark oshiro sort of erased an aspect of nico's ADHD by making a joke about how he only liked mythomagic cards because he's gay and there are hot guys on the cards, and then TSATS also seemed to really downplay the themes of neurodivergence in the series. and it made me wonder if you have any thoughts on how the show has portrayed the demigods' ADHD and dyslexia so far? i've seen some people say that the show also downplayed it a lot, and i'm inclined to agree... which feels really weird considering that rick's own son's neurodivergence was specifically a major inspiration for him writing the series. but if i recall correctly a lot of scenes showcasing that in the first book were taken out of the show.

Oh absolutely, a lot of scenes and general discussion about adhd/dyslexia were removed in the show (and some of the disability-coding in general - i appreciate the change they made with making Chiron disabled based on his mythos rather than just using a wheelchair as a disguise, but i wish they had kept Grover's crutches in a similar manner honestly) - I've made a couple of posts discussing it: here, here, and this reblog is relevant to my opinions about the matter. There's probably some other stuff in my pjo tv crit tag.

I think the main sentiment i have regarding it - which i've seen a couple of other people mention as well - is how much the show ignores or outright removes and downplays Percy's personal struggles with his disabilities to instead emphasize Sally's experiences instead, particularly in manners of her taking out her stress on Percy - which alongside being completely antithetical to Sally's role in the books, is pretty ableist and why I continually compare show!Sally to Autism Speaks Parents. Autism Speaks tends to make an emphasis on the struggles of the parents of autistic children rather than treating autistic individuals like a person experiencing their own struggles. One of the major points of Sally's character (and later Paul) in the books is that she's an incredibly accommodating parent and works hard to make sure Percy is supported when he's struggling with his disabilities, because he's not been able to find that accommodation elsewhere. That's part of why Sally is such a great mom in particular, and is intentionally supposed to directly contrast Annabeth's home life struggles with her parents having difficulty navigating how to provide that same level of accommodation to help support her (and how Annabeth finds that accommodation at CHB instead, because that's the metaphor that CHB is supposed to represent - an appropriately accommodating system they can rely on, and then exploring how that's still a flawed system and looking at how disabled kids/demigods fall through the cracks and how to change the system to better support them).

The show also almost completely ignores Percy's ADHD/dyslexia experiences in general after the first episode. I was honestly really happy with, in the first episode, how clearly Percy's poor experiences in the American education system, particularly relating to his neurodivergence, have informed his reaction to situations such as people trying to tell him he's a demigod in coded language. It was essentially the perfect update to something i've discussed in the past here, about how the original "all demigods have adhd/dyslexia because it's secretly SUPERPOWERS" thing was presented as the basis for the series and why that teaching/parenting style fell out of favor. We see Percy in e1 acknowledge how dismissive of his struggles it is to constantly just be told he's "special" - and we even get explicit acknowledgement of how that description is used aggressively and for ostracization (from Nancy), which is extremely true to the experiences of kids who grew up with that teaching/parenting structure. But then we get to episode 2 and... all the acknowledgement of ADHD/dyslexia/etc is gone. We get at most a one-off acknowledgement from Luke that demigods are all neurodivergent and that's it. Pretty much nothing else for the entire rest of the season, save for flashback scenes that only emphasize Sally's experiences, not acknowledge Percy's. No further acknowledgement of Percy's dyslexia, or Annabeth's, or anything about their ADHD, or even Percy's completely removed PTSD (which we know for sure because of both writer commentary [see: that second post i linked about the LA Times article] and Percy's total lack of reaction to Mr. D). Nothing.

It was extremely disheartening to say the least, having such a strong start and it evaporating completely, and I fully agree with you.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/751011464262860800?source=share

Seeing the numbers compared, I realized that you are right, anon. It's a privilege to be able to write long fics, regardless of them thinking they're unable to write short fics because short fics are mostly scenes so it's not that long fic writers are incapable of writing short stories, deep down, they don't want to. Maybe it feels wrong for them since they've made an impression they always write long fics, maybe they find short fics less impressive, or believe that people won't give the same feedback as when they post something longer.

But I would like to argue that longer doesn't mean it has a plot. I've read 80k words of a character getting tortured with no chance of figuring things out or getting out of that situation and ended quite the same as the start. I've read 25k fic of characters just hogging. These fics have no stakes, no crisis, no buildup, no development, nothing just series of the same scene over and over with different sets or different positions.

Fanfic is free and that is why you encounter things that are, in a way, out of the box and technically are not allowed in the publishing world. But that's the beauty of it. Is it really that big of a gap for people who can write long fics vs people who can only write short fics? Because of how free fanfiction is, most things are okay to do, including only being able to write plotless or short.

One reason why I get jealous of other authors who manage to write longer fics than me is because I was too busy at the time. I found a good system for myself (dedicating a certain time to finish a chapter and then uploading them as I edit and so on) and you can build your own. I think with the right system, anyone can do it.

Pantsers, plotters, and hybrids are equal to me and it's true because how do you know that a person didn't just recycle the same plot they use from their previous fics, thus being able to write different versions of that story? We've seen the viral meme abt fic writers recycling the same thing and a lot of people admit to doing it. Does this mean they're mediocre or bad writers? It's not like that's against the TOS or illegal. Nobody paid us to keep making fresh new ground-breaking stories. The quality of a fanfic is decided from how you treat it. Do you still like it even after five years? Do you think about it sometimes? Do you feel so ashamed you'd rather put it in an anon collection or close your acc completely and orphan it? Do you wish for it gone to the point you delete every trace of it?

It's not from the amount of kudos, hits, or comments, tho yes it is easier to find good ones if you filter by kudos but there are lots of underrated ones and I've DNF a lot of fics that are not to my liking but have high-kudos because people keep rec-ing it. I want underrated fics to be more popular but not because it needs to be popular but because I hope to be in a community with more like-minded people. Fanfic has no publisher, we can't earn from it so traffic is merely informative so it's the community that matters the most.

In fact, to tell you the truth, after 17 years of being in ao3, I've curated my tag very specifically and stopped using the fandom tag and went straight to the ship tag. I also mostly rely on bookmarks, private collections, word from mouth of people I trust or believe to have the same writing style and taste as me. So it was very niche and limited.

Lots of stories have plots but not all must be in your favor so you gotta figure what you like to start. Are you team canon divergence or AU? what trope do you like? Telling someone to stop comparing is ineffective. We always compare because that's how we communicate. But people feel inferior because they don't feel worthy of themselves. If you start to know what you want, it's easier for you to write more. Whether you're still stuck on making 1k-2k, etc, at least you don't waste your time feeling sad or down and you keep writing. That'll help stimulate your brain and you will improve.

(Also maybe just don't listen to authors who you think are humblebragging. Mute or block them if you need to because I know, to some people who are in the same fandom, these types of attitude have more context to it. Idk abt anon, but in some cases maybe they were moots or the account was owned by another fan they've encountered on tumblr or other social media often, a BNF maybe, or just a popular author that other fans praise or talk about often, and things could get personal. Shit can go south quickly in the community tbh)

--

There's definitely an art to condensing one's thoughts into only a few words.

[slow-apocalypse-zone]

If you have posts you think should be added here, feel free to tag me!

Remember- you are just one person.

It’s not your responsibility to single-handedly fix everything. Do your best, but don’t push yourself too hard. The average person is not at fault, but we can work to undo some of the damage that has been done by the dragons and giants, and prevent further harm.

Maybe when we’re older, little kids will know how to take care of each other and their spaces, and won’t have to learn it from the internet, but from looking around and being in their communities. Maybe the farmers market will be swarming with people, and buying local will be expected rather than an exception. Maybe the temperatures will stop rising every summer, and seeing the stars won’t be so rare. That’s the goal for this blog. For us to make that happen, a little bit at a time.

Tags below the cut!

Open discussion - stuff to talk about, that I’d love to hear others thoughts on!

Hope - general goals, things that make me, well, hopeful! Some are more joke-y than others, but I think it’s still worthwhile. Avoiding anything too dour. (Sub-tags: hope/jk, hope/community)

Signs of life - think the hope tag, but for things that are actually happening. It’s important to stop, and acknowledge that yes, progress is being made. This is all progress, but the tag name is partially because the first post for it was around nature rehabilitation

Resources - resources to help you be as sustainable as you can be and to build community (and maybe be a little anarchistic while you’re at it). This includes tips on making clothes last longer and getting stuff cheap/free/secondhand, as well as how to improve community spaces! There may also be general safety and wellness resources added to this tag (sub-tags: resources/health, resources/mobility, resources/accessibility, resources/sustainability, resources/community, resources/health)

Public resources - things and places that should be commonly available to the public, including transportation and information

Access denied - a tag for showing the oppresion that many people face simply for existing, whether they be people of color, disable, queer, or any other marginalized group.

The commons - in the same vein as public resources, but specifically around necessary goods, such as food, water, sanitary products, or mobility aids.

Let it last - posts about making things or repairing them to get them to last, and to last for a long time. Mending and patchwork fall into this categorey

in with the old and out with the new - typically about something that is older being brought back into common use due to it being better for people or more sustainable

Transport - involving how we get around in our day to day. Often anti-car, pro-public transport, and pro-walkable communities posts

To apply - things that would be good for businesses and people to start using or considering when possible

things to kill - stuff that, overall, is worse than it should be. The system itself is worse, the way it affects people is worse, ect. Some of these do include action plans/steps to take!

Take their rope away - a reference to this comic about the trolley problem, basically saying to hold the decision makers responsible for the things they do, and asking the question of who is tying people to the tracks in the first place.

R3x - examples of how people have/ways to reuse, reduce and recycle!! (Yes, it’s Rex, which is also the name of the guy in the blog’s pfp!)

Right to repair - focusing on how people should be able to access and fix their own stuff, and not rely on price-gouging corporations to fix it for them.

Donation ask - a compilation of asks for donations, verified/trusted. I’ll try to keep them up to date. Here’s a campaign I trust and hope will reach his goal: [XXXXX]

[revlyncox]

Preparing Room for Love and Leadership

This homily was part of a service on equity and inclusion in the context of the congregation's ministerial search. It followed a workshop called "Break Barriers, Build Beliefs" that is offered to congregations in search by the Unitarian Universalist Association. The homily refers to the discussion for all ages that occurred earlier in the service, posted elsewhere on this blog. This homily was delivered by Rev. Lyn Cox for The Unitarian Society in East Brunswick on December 15, 2024.

I worry about Rudolph [the Red-Nosed Reindeer]. Certainly, I’m glad he had at least temporary relief from the bullying of the other reindeer. I’m glad he was able to discover his gifts and that someone else affirmed his talents. I’m glad he was able to experience leadership, and to provide inspiration as a leader for other reindeer who have unique gifts of their own.

I also know that systems don’t change easily. Guiding the sleigh for one night doesn’t guarantee that either Santa or the other reindeer will see Rudolph as worthy simply for being. There are no guarantees of inclusion or appreciation when it isn’t foggy on Christmas Eve. I worry that the North Pole community won’t embrace Rudolph for all of who he is, including but not limited to his shiny nose.

I think the North Pole community can increase their chances of success by talking honestly about all these possibilities in advance. Not only will intentional work on equity and inclusion help the North Pole community thrive with the leaders they have, but they will also be more open to welcoming reindeer and elves with all kinds of gifts and unique traits that they hadn’t imagined. Everybody will be able to relax and to know that they belong to a mutually supportive community where they are valued just as they are.

I don’t know if the story of Rudolph happened exactly that way, but I believe it’s true that communities of love and generosity are occasionally presented with opportunities for transformation. I believe it’s true that justice and equity are not things we achieve once, but ongoing disciplines. I believe it’s true that we are strongest when we lean into our pluralism and when we can work interdependently to help heal a bruised and hurting world. For us as Unitarian Universalists, living our values as deeply as we can is an ongoing process of learning, reflection, and action.

I’m so grateful to Carol Carter Walker for visiting this weekend so that this congregation can make the most of this opportunity for transformation. I’m grateful to the Search Committee and to the Search Committee Boosters for all their work and their faithful adaptability in bringing yesterday’s workshop and today’s service to fruition.

This is the season of Advent, the season of waiting and preparing and anticipating something new. We can think of Advent as a time of preparing room for love. In the Christmas story and in our everyday experience, love often shows up in unexpected ways. Preparing room for love means being open to surprise, and being mindful in the moment rather than narrowing our awareness to what is familiar. We can also think of this practice as hospitality or inclusion.

There are practical ways to express this openness, and this congregation is already engaged in many of them. You are making great advances in accessibility, including the temporary ramp in the sanctuary. The Board is accepting bids for repairs to the ramp at the front of the building, and members may be called upon to help make that ambitious project possible. When you wear your name tags, that is an act of hospitality, helping newcomers and longtime members to get to know each other. You practice gender inclusion by putting your pronouns on your name tags rather than relying on assumptions. We have plenty of air filters, and masks are welcome here, making it safer for people with compromised immune systems to attend.

Inclusion also means being open to different perspectives and life experiences. This congregation does not flinch from speaking about dismantling white supremacy. Your past involvement with the Lost Souls project weaves together the work of contending with racism in the past and taking anti-racist action in the present. Your book group continues to open minds about racism and other forms of oppression. These are the kinds of activities that help us to create more welcome and more cultural understanding, reducing the harm to people in our community who are Black, Indigenous, and People of Color.

There will always be more we can do to expand our welcome and to stay faithful to the spiritual practices of inclusion. The journey continues. This weekend, we are focusing on how to apply this practice in the congregation’s relationship with staff and clergy. The moves you have made and continue making to be generally welcoming will also help you to welcome professional leadership. In addition, there are specific things to think about when someone in a prominent position has a historically marginalized identity.

For one thing, self-advocacy is tricky for leaders. Asking for what we need might involve educating the congregation about our background, our identity, or our disability. That is not only an extra burden, but it’s hard to do that while maintaining professional boundaries. Educating the congregation and advocating after the fact for what we need takes time away from the other work we could be doing together.

There are times when staff and clergy will need to self-advocate. Members can make that easier by proactively doing research about how to welcome people who arrive with the identities your leaders have. You can put into place expectations and resources for:

Diversity training for lay leaders

Examining policies and contracts for traces of structural bias, and

Making sure the clergy and staff have access to culturally competent support.

There is an annual retreat for UU religious professionals of color; if your next minister is a Person of Color, make sure they can attend. There is an annual retreat for Transgender religious professionals. If your next minister is Trans, make sure they can attend.

Communities can also help by opening their minds about what leadership looks and acts like, and by being willing to be creative so that everyone can flourish to the best of their ability. Each person brings their cultural and generational perspectives on things like methods of collaboration, how to express respect, the relative value of clock time versus relationship time, and how to build trust with partner organizations. Maintain curiosity. What seems like a fundamental truth about etiquette or professionalism might be a culture-bound assumption. It’s OK to say what you need and hope for as lay leaders so that you can work together, as long as you are also listening and willing to be flexible where possible.

You will find some ideas for these conversations in two books available from the UUA Bookstore. Centering: Navigating Race, Authenticity, and Power in Ministry is a 2017 anthology edited by Mitra Rahnema. More recently, Seeds of a New Way: Nurturing Authentic and Diverse Religious Leadership was edited by Manish Mishra-Marzetti and Nancy McDonald-Ladd and published earlier this year.

One more thing can help, and that is grace. When the pledge drive falls short, or a justice project goes poorly, or the congregation is in the press without intending to be, or people are just worn out because the world is on fire, it is easy to take it out on the clergy and staff. People with marginalized identities are less likely to have the benefit of a second chance, or the time or resources they need to make repairs, or volunteer support for solving the problem together. Usually, the community doesn’t realize they are applying a double standard. The force of cultural bias pushes people to shorten their patience unless the community does specific work otherwise.

If your leader makes a mistake, you can hold them accountable while also helping them to grow and treating them like a human being. It’s also helpful to question the assumption that the sole problem is the leader’s mistake. Usually, when things go wrong, you can find things individual people can do better next time, and you will also notice systemic issues that everyone can share in transforming so that you will be less vulnerable to that problem in the future. I have full confidence that you can apply a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset to your relationship with clergy and staff. Compassion and curiosity will serve you well.

Let’s get used to talking together and working together in covenant so that we can embrace each person who joins the journey, with all their gifts and limits and identities.

Let us prepare room for love this Advent, and let us take that spirit into the practices of hospitality and inclusion for the entire year.

So be it. Blessed be. Amen.

[shrimplyfangtastic]

General Q&A

Hi hi! I was tagged by @gamingwithsydney in her reply to these General Q&A questions, so now it's my turn to have a go :D Thank you for the mention, Syd!!

Tagging people is still a daunting task, so instead I tag you, whoever happens to stumble upon this.

1. Named after anyone:

I... May or may not have legally changed my name to a favourite fictional character's of mine. Totally a coincidence, haha. Totally... ;)

But in terms of being named after family or a celebrity or something, no, neither of the names I've known were based on anyone in real life.

2. Last time I cried:

From a serious matter? The start of this week. From a not so serious but still kinda serious matter? Last night.

Nothing fucks me up more than realizing not all cats get a mwah mwah on their little foreheads before bed. Thinking about all the strays outside in the cold during this brutal weather is quite rough.

3. Kids:

I don't personally want to have children, ever, for multiple reasons.

Don't mind the idea of taking care of other people's children though! For a limited time. Nothing against children, I understand they're just little people finding their place in this big, wide world, but people in general quickly lead me to sensory overload so... Yeah, limited time please.

4. Sports:

Used to engage in a sporting activity! I haven't been able to for quite awhile, but maybe someday in the future I can find a way to return to it ^_^

5. First thing I noticed about someone:

Their hair, followed by their general aesthetic (Makeup, clothes, body modifications). Remembering people by face is rather difficult for me, so instead I rely on hair colour and fashion.

6. Eye colour:

Blue! But if I got the chance to choose, I'd love vibrant yellow-orange eyes. Maybe bright hot pink. I go back and forth on the idea of both pretty often XD

7. Scary movies or happy endings:

I love, love, LOVE horror, so scary movies all the way!

8. Talents:

I love me a good spreadsheet, so time management and organizational skills tend to come easily to me. Games, day to day routine, personal finances, reading, writing — If you can think it, I've made a spreadsheet and organizational system for it.

9. Place of birth:

🦘🦘 'STRAYA 🦘🦘

10. Hobbies:

Gaming, writing, drawing, reading, fashion doll collecting, and plenty more. Most of my time is split between the first two though :P

11. Pets:

One not-so-little little kitty cat, she's my baby and I love her so fucking much <3 She's got quite the entertaining personality XD

12. Height:

Average, I just look short because I surround myself with tall people...

13. Favourite school subject:

English was pretty fun, but I also rather enjoyed Psychology and Business.

14. Dream job:

I can't/won't go into specific detail, but I will say that next year I'll be commencing study at my dream uni, in my dream course :D I can't wait!!

And that's all of them! Thank you again Sydney for mentioning me in your post, this was a fun little Q&A <3 <3

[bitchassmcgrass]

More info under the cut. I'll try to make future updates (if any) short or with cuts to avoid clogging up your dashboard.

The point of this project is to make a programming block (usually six hours, since that's usually the max you can get on a standard vhs tape on EP) containing videos from YouTube and Newgrounds, currently looking at Eddsworld, Tomska, Smosh, AVGN, and maybe Filthy Frank videos, all of this including adult swim esque bumps in between.

The last project had no video editing, purely relying on recording footage that others have recorded, as if I was recording the source footage to a tape myself (albeit a little out of order chronologically at times). The Real Will Wood tape was also easy to edit, as I just stretched the movie from 16:9 to 4:3, and then added the fbi warning and some commercials for the movie at the start, and threw in some bonus scenes at the end. (I also edited the credits sequence, once the lights are turned off during the green screen bit on the left, it's nearly impossible to make anything out on a CRT, so I scaled the credits up on the right to take up the whole screen, making them much more readable. Makes literally no real difference except to me.)

This project is going to be me basically making my own programming block. Picking music for the bumps, adding short introductions to videos (or just rambling about whatever) for the text, and editing videos that may have been presented in 16:9 in 4:3, either by stretching the video or by cropping it down to just the most important parts.

Why am I doing this? For two reasons.

1) It's YouTube on a VHS tape, how fucking cool is that?

2) I have a feeling that the Xbox 360 internet service is going to die soon. With the XBL marketplace being shut down last month, I feel I have very little time before I won't be able to watch YouTube on the Xbox anymore, and I'll have to upgrade to a more modern console or system of watching youtube on my TV. I would like to avoid that hassle as much as possible, and think rather than having another device to put my information into in order to watch YouTube with ads, I can simply just port as much as I can to DVD or VHS (or even just download to my computer) and watch that way.

Is it a very stupid reason? Yes. Is that going to stop me? No. Why? Please refer to Reason 1 above.

The working title of the project is Digital Guillotine. I will have that in the tags of any potential future posts in order to let people block me rambling about this project from their dash. The name Digital Guillotine comes from the idea of blocking every celebrity and big account on social media, in order to disconnect from drama, and live a more peaceful life. I didn't know about this when I came up with the name, I just thought the name sounded badass and googled it to make sure I wasn't stealing someone elses name. It turns out that the name was quite fitting.

Anyways, that's about all I wanted to say. If I know you irl, you'll probably end up seeing a bunch of these tapes scattered around my living quarters. I'll also make some update posts if anything notable happens, or if I just feel like rambling.

I've decided that since I can no longer find any archived adult swim tapes, I am going to start making vhs tapes with old youtube videos that I like on them, mostly flash cartoons and shit.

[haeroniel-doliet]

Ok but genuinely? Genuinely what the Fuck is Up with tumblrs tagging system???? I realize its basically a joke at this point and i cant expect it to fix it self but.

Ive made two unique tags for my art right??? "#Haeroniel draws" for everything and "#Haeroniels 2021 inktober" bc idk this is how it used to work?? You'd make an art tag and link it on your blog and everyone can find your art in one convenient place/all is archived for you! But for the life of me all my posts wont show up in those tags.

Right now i think if i look up the inktober tag on my blog all 4 posts show up which is fine. Look tumblr wide? Only 3 show up if youre lucky (and not the one with most notes mind u!!!) Looking up my art tag on my blog shows some and the tumblr wide even less? Like for the most part both have my two most successful posts, and they might have the two most recent (yeah thats it for all not inktober related, im such a poster lmao) but then even if theyre all tagged very similarly, only 1 or maybe 2 posts for inktober show up?

Ughhhhhh. Makes me kind of understand why people have pinned masterposts now. Like im sorry but ive been here long enough that i thought it was just a weird carryover from newer social media like the tag lists and thought nah thats silly i dont want that. But now?? I cant even look up my own tags for myself to see my own art reliably archived.... And thats VERY frustrating, and yea i currently dont have my art tag linked bc havent set up my desktop page etc in a while but? How is anyone who might care even a little bit supposed to see my stuff?

The inktobers are some beasts of posts i will grant that, like 5 images top to bottom and description for all and then a bunch of tags? Its a lot! I know it is. But i wanna finish the lot bc im so close (minus a few that just need refining, i only have 4/10 of the ones left not drawn!!) And thanks to some suggestion i am considering maybe maybe maybe posting the last 10 (or at least 5/10) as individual posts rather than a big cluster. Itd feel nice to populate my art tag w more posts! Maybe give them a fighting chance to get reblogged bc its less of a threshold than reblogging 5 very different concepts all together. ToBut then again. If barely any show up with the sparse amount i have now? Is it worth it?

Also i just. Suddenly feel awful using all the tags i do on my posts to be seen, like tagging it /dinluke/skydalorian/din djarin/luke skywalker/star wars/the mandalorian/etc... Bc idk? I feel like most people would follow all the above tags, and what if me posting my shit in all of them is annoying bc then even if you mildly liked my stuff, seeing it over and over makes you hate it? Like im intruding all at once in a lot of spaces with super cool artists....

And like, i knoooow that notes arent everything and i should learn to post again just bc i like what ive done, wanna share and archive it. But doing something i like and i thought others would too? And it doing really badly? Uh. Stings! Makes me feel like ive fucked up posting it and shouldnt. Feels selfish and obnoxious to post more, to demand more attention to my garbage content

Im letting my brain get mean where it doesnt need to....

Anyway... If you've happened to read this (im sorry but thank you!) Pls like, let me know in reply or anon ask or smth if im completely over thinking it and should just, post more (i.e. post the inktobers when theyre done individually, rather than trying to make up the whole batch before posting them as those hunks of post that dont do very well) And also, if maybe i should make one of those pinned masterposts? Like even just to have for myself/anyone new who clicks on my blog (under a read more bc long unavoidable posts suck), where i link individually everything i post on top of the tags i already have?

Thank u kind souls who care about me even a lil bit in the tumblr void <3 <3 <3<3

[rarepears]

Your SY vlogger au reminded me how much I love social media aus 😭 but it also raises the question how shen yuan gets back for dinner?? Like can he just go between worlds when ever he wants or…? Cause like, I also like the idea of his siblings making fun of him for bagging the OP protagonist and being the last to know how gay he is lol (and what’s bout SQH?)

Shen Yuan the PIWD Xianxia Vlogger post

Okay, so this is the "Happily Ever After" part of the Scumbag Villain plot and now that the whole plot has gone completely off track and can no longer be rescued, the system is focused on getting rid of plotholes in the worldbuilding and history. So Shen Yuan does that by vlogging and adding more "worldbuilding" (aka telling the history of the xianxia world and going to visit/interview the girls who would had become Luo Binghe's harem in another life) for the readers to consume - that's why the system provides camera equipment and exports footage to Shen Yuan's brothers to edit and post.

The system rewards Shen Yuan plenty of points due to Shen Yuan's vlogging - the points are based on views, interactions (comments, follows, donations, etc.) And with Shen Yuan's business-oriented brothers who are experts (or can hire experts) at marketing, entertainment, and fulfilling Shen Yuan's wants... Well, it's no surprise Shen Yuan becomes one of the top video content-makers in China quickly.

Originally Shen Yuan went back home to visit him family via his hubby's sword, but with Luo Bingge's visit and Luo Bingmei's subsequently destruction of Xin Mo, Shen Yuan uses the System to move between worlds. Shen Yuan argues with the system that he can better fulfil plot holes if he can interact with the readers! Meet and greets! Collaborations with other video-content makers!

And if Shen Yuan uses the visit to also cram in some family time... (And said family time includes brainstorming with his gege's on how to further bully the system into providing more benefits... Surely the system isn't a black labor system that won't even let its employee Shen Yuan take breaks and visit home? Paid vacation is a thing!)

Sometimes to visit home, Shen Yuan has to use points if he can't cram in some business deals related to his vlogging. But either way, Shen Yuan is able to arrange to regularly visit his siblings and parents.

Luo Binghe tags along of course.

As for Shang Qinghua, given his demeanor (easy to bully, a people pleaser) and background (poor and can only rely on himself for money), he either doesn't have parents (ahem orphan) or has a very very bad relationship with his parents. He also spent more time in the xianxia universe, having been living there since he was a baby rather than transmigrating into an already established cultivator's body like Shen Yuan. So he isn't missing modern China as much - he uses Shen Yuan like a Door Dash driver to pick up modern snacks and stuff and sometimes tags along Shen Yuan's visits to the Modern World for vacation, but otherwise, he's good. Mobei Jun visited once and never wanted to return to Modern China, which also, uh, feed into Shang Qinghua's disinterest.

(Should had brought to Mobei Jun to Russia or Antarctica where there's like nobody around and the weather is nice and cold! That way Mobei Jun wouldn't had landed himself in jail for punching a car for "attacking" Shang Qinghua.)

Shang Qinghua still complains about how the system is unfairly biased to Shen Yuan though. Why didn't he get the offer to be a vlogger?! But nooooooooo.

[makeste]

hello! I’ve seen some debate as to whether the 2nd meant allies in general would bolster izuku and although I do think that’s true (ofc any sort of support system that he lets himself rely on would bolster him) I feel like if that was what was meant it would’ve been made clearer? maybe instead of just katsuki showing up, the final panel would’ve had several students burst onto the scene. what are your thoughts?

agreed. and incidentally this is another big reason why it's not Toga. if it was her then Horikoshi wouldn't have devoted any time to OFA II's little hype speech. it just makes it kind of pointless, unless this whole time we've been sleeping on Toga's hidden ability to bolster Deku lmao.

but anyways, yeah. and I mean, Two's commentary here is really just acknowledgement of something we've long since known already. Kacchan is the one who will ultimately be able to reach Deku. we don't actually need a piece of dialogue to tell us this, because the manga has been showing it to us since day one. his resume is fucking stacked. I mean, let's go through it.

he is mean.

I love this you guys. I honest to god love it. because the thing is, if you ask anyone what Kacchan's absolute worst quality is, this would be the obvious answer, right? "he's an asshole" lmao.

but that's exactly what we need right now!! someone who's not afraid to tell it like it is, and won't try to sugarcoat things. someone who's not afraid to argue back and risk hurting someone's feelings. because right now Deku is walking all over anyone who can't do that. All Might tries to feed him lunch and he's like "nah I'm good, anyways bye." Endeavor tries to tell him to rest and he's all "I'm fine" and fucking hangs up the phone. nuh uh. enough of that. what we need is someone who will call him out on his shit. "hah!? don't tell me you're fine when it's obvious to anyone you can barely stand on your own two feet, dumbass."

he is stubborn.

kind of ties into the other thing, but yeah. right now we need a bullheaded asshole who won't take no for an answer if he thinks he's right. good luck trying to sweet talk your way out of this one, Deku.

he understands the situation.

this one is important, because in fairness, simply standing in front of Deku and saying "you shall not pass" isn't gonna be enough to actually accomplish anything here. ultimately he's going to have to be able to reason with Deku too. and so in that respect, it certainly doesn't hurt that Kacchan is someone who understands the OFA situation as well as anyone, and has always had clear judgment about it. he understands the threat of AFO ("they all died young"), and he understands the burden of All Might's legacy. he knows what Deku is dealing with, and that's going to give him an edge when it comes to finding that elusive-yet-critical talk no jutsu knockout blow.

he's been where Deku is now.

Kacchan knows a thing or two about burdens. granted, they've more often than not been ones that he's put on himself, but that didn't make them any less heavy. Deku right now is struggling not just with his feelings of responsibility, but also with all of the misplaced guilt that's feeding into it. AFO is targeting him. if innocent people get caught in the crossfire then that's on him. every minute that AFO stays out there getting stronger and causing more chaos is all on him, because he hasn't defeated him yet. and so on and so forth.

and Katsuki knows what that's like. because he blamed himself for what happened to All Might. that feeling of "if I'd only been stronger" is one that he's intimately acquainted with. that feeling of blaming yourself, of not being able to look someone you care about in the eye because you think it's your fault they got hurt. this is something he knows. this is a road he's already been down. and so if Deku tries to pull any "you don't understand" nonsense, Kacchan is uniquely situated to immediately shoot that shit right down.

he's immune to low blows.

lol I keep thinking of all the different counterarguments that Deku could make, and all the different ways in which Kacchan is perfectly equipped to handle them. anyway, so this particular thing is a very recent development, but very fortunately timed. so as we all know, Kacchan was a first class dick to Deku during their childhood. something which Deku, with his abnormally kind and forgiving nature, has never once confronted Kacchan about, even though he would have absolutely had the right. but anyway, so here's the thing though -- right now I fully believe that Deku can and will do or say just about anything in order to get Kacchan and the others to leave. and that includes hurting them in order to save them. so it would not surprise me at all if Deku goes as far as to throw Katsuki's old, cruel, selfish behavior back in his face as part of a last-ditch effort to get him to back down. desperate times and all that.

and maybe there was a time when that actually would have worked. but here's the other thing -- we know something Deku doesn't. namely, that Kacchan has recently leveled up emotionally and has finally unlocked his atonement quest. he finally understands that it's not all about him. which means that it doesn't matter even if Deku pulls out the big guns. he may hurt his feelings, but he's not going to scare him off, because Kacchan's focus right now is on atonement, not forgiveness. he's not doing this for a pat on the head. he's doing it because it's the right thing to do. and no amount of insults will be able to sway him from that.

he learned from the best.

I said this in another post a couple of weeks back, but yeah. Angsty Nomad Deku has nothing on early Kacchan in terms of pushing people away. early Kacchan was the motherfucking king of pushing peeps away. if you so much as LOOKED at this kid in such a way that SUGGESTED you might even be THINKING about possibly trying to save him, he would straight up throw a ten-year hissy fit lmao. Deku's "All Might, you don't have to tag along anymore"s ain't got SHIT on all of Kacchan's "STAY BACK DEKU"s and "I'D RATHER LOSE!!!"s and "OMFG HOW DARE YOU BE THE ONLY PERSON TO TRY TO SAVE ME FROM THIS RAMPAGING SLUDGE MAN WHO'S ABOUT TO SUFFOCATE ME TO DEATH"s. Kacchan is the undisputed goat here lol.

but anyway, so what this means is that he has accumulated a whole HOST of iconic lines and fateful parallels which he can throw back in Deku's face at a moment's notice. and the best part is that he learned it all from THIS EXACT MOTHERFUCKER, RIGHT HERE. what is Deku even gonna do!! argue against his own past actions?? "well, uh, I guess now that you mention it I should have just sat back and watched you die all those times" OH REALLY?? YOU DON'T SAY. THAT SOUNDS SO CONVINCING.

and so guess what, Deku -- if Kacchan was worth saving, then you're worth saving too. it's an ironclad argument. congratulations son you played yourself.

he always wins.

okay so real talk, we all know that what's really driving Deku right now is his fear of losing people. he's helpless against that. he saw Kacchan get stabbed right before his eyes and it fucked him up. he saw all these other people getting hurt and killed because he couldn't save them, and he straight up could not deal with those emotions at all. he's scared. he's more afraid of that happening again than of anything else. and AFO knows that, and that's why he's resorted to his current tactics, which have isolated Deku even further and caused him to push even All Might away.

what Deku is missing right now, and what he needs to have restored, is trust. trust is the antidote to fear. and when you're as scared as Deku is, it takes an extraordinary amount of assurance in order to ease those fears. basically you don't want to place your faith in anything less than an absolutely sure thing.

but Kacchan is exactly that. this is the exact type of situation that Kacchan's "aiming for the top" overkill confidence was made for. he's the one who never loses!! the hero who's going to surpass all other heroes!! Deku inherited All Might's compassion, but Kacchan inherited his determination. Kacchan is someone who brings reassurance. his confidence is unwavering. and in the end, I think it will be strong enough to pull even Deku back out from the darkness.

he is strong.

Kacchan is Deku's rival in every sense of the word, and I fully believe he's capable of matching him step for step even now. and so Deku can try to push him away, but Kacchan is capable of withstanding that force and staying his ground. Deku can try to run, but Kacchan still has him matched for speed. and as a last resort, Deku can even try to defeat him -- but Kacchan won't ever concede to defeat.

and all of this ties back into what I was saying about trust. because Kacchan is strong. strong enough not to die. strong enough to live. strong enough to not make others worry about him. and that's what Deku so desperately needs right now in order to finally let go of his fears. Deku needs someone who can get him to trust in others again, and to do that, he has to be able to trust in their strength.

and last but not least...

he has a secret weapon up his sleeve.

several, as a matter of fact. his hero name reveal. his apology, if he chooses to give it now (though I could see him waiting for a more sincere moment, rather than whipping it out now when it could be misconstrued as a manipulation tactic). but perhaps most importantly...

never underestimate the power of an iconic role reversal. because that's what I'm getting at here, if it wasn't clear lol. this probably would have worked better if I had a picture of him actually reaching out to Deku. but I mean, that's kind of the point lol. I don't have one because he hasn't done it yet. BUT CAN YOU IMAGINE. good luck withstanding that, Deku.

so yeah. look at all that. he really is a one-man Deku-saving army. which is not to say that the other kids won't have a part to play as well, or that it's not important for them to be there, because it is. but as far as the lead role goes, it's Kacchan. like that astronaut meme guy says. always has been.

oh and as a bonus he was smart enough to finally leave the mask at home today lol. LET DEKU SEE THE SINCERITY IN YOUR EYES. YESSSSSSS.

[bluerose5]

The Ghost of Paradise (Exile AU)

Chapter 2: By the Minute

Rating: M

Word Count: 3,796

Tags: Mass Effect: Andromeda, Scott Ryder, Reyes Vidal, Reyder, Pre-Relationship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Exile, Flirting, Secrets, Complicated Relationships, Eventual Romance, Rivalry, Engineer/Mechanic Scott Ryder, Jealousy

[Read it here as well on ao3.]

“Our agents say that you were speaking with Reyes Vidal at Kralla’s,” Nola said. She didn’t even give Scott a chance to breathe. The second he was through their gates —which were still a work in progress— Scott was ambushed. “Do I even want to know what you have planned?”

Scott grinned at her.

“Why must I always have something planned?” Scott asked. “Reyes is a good friend. For all you know, we could have been catching up over drinks.”

“‘Could have’ doesn’t mean that you were.”

“Fair enough.”

As she fell into step at his side, Nola led him around while they spoke, appraising their growing community with pride.

“Scott, as governor of Paradise, should I not be made aware of any transactions that might affect us?”

“Well, yes, but—”

“Tell me what I need to know then. Nothing more, nothing less.”

As if he could refuse her insistent prodding. Every time he left, he always forgot how relentless she could be upon his return, but only when it pertained to matters that could have both predictable and unforeseen effects in their future.

In a way, Scott was grateful to have someone with that type of dedication on their side. They’re going to need it.

“I swear, it wasn’t anything particularly groundbreaking,” Scott promised. “I gave him some seeds from our latest project in exchange for a long-ranged scanner modification. That’s it.”

“Hmm… A decent enough trade.”

“Glad to have your approval.”

Of course, it was too much to hope that she would leave it at that.

“What is it for?” Nola asked.

Scott knew from experience not to lie to her face.

He sighed. “I’m going to scout out some of the Remnant ruins nearby. See if I can get a read on their bots, or a turret if I’m lucky.”

She cocked her head to the side and considered that for a moment, lips pursed.

“Promise to be careful then. I know you would gladly give your life to protect any of these people, but we don’t need you to throw it away because of pure recklessness,” she reminded him. “If it comes down to an altercation, we would rather have you here than some lousy turret schematics. Besides—” She shrugged. “You would probably be the only one who could make sense of them anyways. You and that stupidly genius brain of yours.”

Scott scoffed, suddenly uncomfortable as he shifted in place.

“Got it from my parents, or so they say.”

Ellen and Alec Ryder. The woman who literally gave her life to perfect biotic implants and the man who created a whole new type of AI. Quite the legacy to live up to.

Good thing Scott wasn’t living his life based on their achievements. Andromeda was a whole different playing field compared to the Milky Way. The work he was doing with Paradise was incredible in its own right. At least, he liked to think so.

If he could change at least one person’s life for the better in Andromeda, then he considered that a success.

Based on the feedback he was receiving from the residents, he was doing a damn good job, and that was enough for him.

But Nola had a point.

People relied on Scott now. As much as he was willing to dive headfirst into danger, he needed to refrain from doing so.

“I’ll be careful,” he promised her. “If things start to go south, I’ll ping you and Nakamoto.”

“Thank you,” she said, breathing a sigh of relief.

Scott hated to worry her so, but there was that one other matter.

“If it’s any consolation to you,” Scott said, trying for a lighter tone yet failing, “Reyes offered to accompany me on the trip.”

Nola stopped short, and Scott skidded to a halt. She narrowed her eyes at him with a sneer curling at her lip.

“No, that is not of any consolation to me. Scott Ryder, you know how he is.”

“Charming and witty?” Scott tried for his best smile, but Nola wasn’t buying into that bullshit, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Flighty and untrustworthy, especially once his back is against the wall.” Then, she amended her statement, taking on a slightly accusatory tone. “That’s assuming you didn’t pay any of his ridiculous service fees.”

“Puh-lease.” Scott chuckled. “If anyone should be spending their credits, Reyes should be the one paying me for my company. I’m a treasure not many can afford.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Nola snorted, “but at least you know your worth.”

“They say that time is money, after all. I’ll make sure to charge him by the minute while we’re together.”

“Please do, and make sure to get a picture of his face once you show him that bill.”

Scott was only happy to see her smile again.

“Will do,” he said.

“While you’re at it, drop a few hints here and there that Paradise might be looking to contract out some exclusive deals with top-rate smugglers. Leave out the ‘top-rate’ part, of course. Can’t have that going to the poor man's head.”

“His ego is already insufferable enough without the compliments,” Scott agreed, “but isn’t the whole point of secrecy for you and I not to draw attention to our connections here?”

“A woman can dream though, can’t she?” Nola sighed.

“So much for Reyes being ‘untrustworthy.’”

Nola didn’t even hesitate, brushing off his attempt to use her words against her.

“Skill is skill, and we don’t exactly have the people or resources to be picky right now. Everything is a commodity on Kadara, even integrity. If he betrays us, we’ll deal with him, simple as that.”

Right.

Still, it was laughable to think that the Charlatan would take on a contract with some of his direct competitors.

Although, that sounds like exactly the type of stunt that Reyes would pull. More than likely, he’d have an ulterior motive for doing so, but Scott could see it happening.

Did he support the idea, though? Definitely not. 

“I don’t know,” Scott muttered. “I couldn’t see Reyes limiting his business to one group, especially if we’re only starting to get our feet wet.”

“You would know how he operates better than I, but I suppose that attitude is understandable. Disappointing, but understandable.” Nola grumbled. “Well, if nothing else, tell him the least he could do is give you a discount.”

“Trust me, I’ve been working that angle for a while. No such luck.”

“Greedy bastard.”

As they finished up their routine patrol, they soon switched direction, heading towards Nakamoto's clinic to conclude their meeting. There, Paradise’s leaders convened. They reviewed the requests that their colonists posted on the message boards around the settlement. Together, they decided on what matters they could approve for certain and which ones would be placed on the docket for a community vote. After that, they moved on to logistics, including topics such as requisitions and inventory.

To draw the meeting to a close, Nola relayed their latest numbers for colonial development. Water production was steady. However, food stores would be struggling soon to keep up with the recent influx of residents, so security personnel and all of those who knew their way around a gun were strongly encouraged to increase hunting and foraging activities while out on patrols or while performing their daily tasks. A roster will be posted on the local message boards to look for volunteers who would like to fill a full-time hunter-gatherer role.

Hopefully, what few angaran scientists they had amongst their people would be able to process their first batch of nutrient paste after their next harvest. It wasn’t exactly the tastiest solution available, but it was a necessary one if they were to survive.

In terms of population, there was a rapid spike in enrollment when word spread that Paradise actually got shit done and held true to their promises, but they expected the effect to eventually plateau once people settled in. Angara enrollment was up at the moment, especially after Scott appointed Nola as governor, and they have even seen a few Initiative members join up, having made the journey all the way from the Nexus to be reunited with friends, family, and loved ones.

Scott asked that they spread word for people to be warm and welcoming. The request probably wasn’t necessary, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Their community would make no friends by tearing people apart, and they prided themselves on being close and tight-knit.

It was important that they not only claimed to be but that they acted like it as well, backing up their words with actions.

Security assignments were then posted. Patrols would have to be upped to make up for an increase that they were seeing with gang-related attacks. Once automated security measures were in place, they would revisit the matter in order to assess which sectors needed heightened security. Emergency drills would be held at the end of the week.

With all of their needs addressed, Nola called the meeting to a close.

Once the meeting was adjourned, Scott approached Nola and their Head of Security, requesting a full census to be done within a day's time. Scott needed names, numbers, faces. Each citizen’s profile needed to be updated within their database.

If Scott was going to make an effective defense matrix for the colony, then he would prefer to program an IFF system that only a select few could remotely activate. For the system to work as intended, all of the colonists' photo IDs and biometric profiles would need to be kept current and constantly updated in real-time.

Nola promised to see to it that Scott got what he needed, shooing him off.

Apparently, he was hovering, but Scott could take a hint. He could tell when he was no longer needed, and he knew that Nola worked best when he wasn’t constantly worrying after her like a mother hen.

Departing from the settlement, Scott cloaked himself the second he went beyond the boundaries of their walls.

He was almost halfway back to Port when he received a message from Reyes. Figuring that he was in the clear, Scott made sure that the coast was clear before deactivating his cloak.

Pulling up his omni-tool’s interface, Scott opened the message. Along with it, there was a set of coordinates, sent from Reyes’s location.

R: Think I’m ready to cash in on those shuttle repairs. Wouldn’t mind the company right about now.

Scott’s fingers hovered above the holographic keys, contemplating his next move before deciding to hell with it.

S: Miss me that much?

R: Am I that obvious?

He didn’t even give Scott a chance to reply before he sent another message.

R: If it’s still in question though, let me put it bluntly.

R: I want to see you.

Scott pursed his lips, cursing his stupid heart for racing in response.

S: Give me a few. I’ll be there.

R: I’ll be looking forward to it.

Before he could embarrass himself, Scott closed out his messages. He quickly made his way to Port, grabbing his bag of tools and gear before venturing back out into the badlands.

From there, Scott followed the coordinates to a cliff, overlooking a nearby valley. The sun was slowly but surely sinking down over the horizon, lightning up the sky in array of pinks and oranges and reds.

Reyes was already waiting for him by the time he arrived, the shuttle powered down for the moment.

However, the second Scott noticed that Reyes was facing away from him, he instantly slowed his walk to a crawl. He bent his knees into a slight crouch and shifted his weight with each step, toe to heel as he snuck his way up behind him.

“You look like you’re waiting for someone.”

Scott delighted in watching him him jump in shock, only to have a blade at his throat in the blink of an eye.

As soon as Reyes realized who it was, all the blood drained from his face.

“S–Scott!”

Hands raised in surrender, Scott raised an eyebrow at him incredulously.

“You know, I was kind of expecting a warmer welcome,” he admitted, careful of the firaan's sharp edge. Keema must have given it to him. “Have to say, though, would it be weird if I was a little turned on right now?”

Reyes scoffed.

Trailing the blade along the outline of his throat, Scott swallowed thickly when he eventually felt its pointed tip press underneath his chin. Reyes tilted it up, and Scott followed, lest he risk being cut.

Their eyes met, and Reyes smirked.

Bastard was toying with him.

Retracting his knife, Reyes sheathed the firaan while Scott tried to catch his breath. The goosebumps left behind in the dagger's wake soon receded, yet a warm heat lingered.

“Tsk.” Reyes huffed at him. “Ryder—”

Uh-oh, back to last name basis. From experience, that meant trouble.

“You know better than to sneak up on me!” Reyes scolded.

“I do,” Scott said, not even afraid to acknowledge it, “but I love getting a rise out of you.”

“What if I would have hurt you?”

“But you didn’t.”

Scowling, Reyes placed his hands on his hips. Shaking his head, he pinched at the bridge of his nose.

“Scott, what the hell am I going to do with you?” he asked, releasing his nose, half-fond and half-frustrated.

“I’m sure we could think of something.”

Reyes hummed in agreement, watching Scott approach the shuttle with his bag tossed over his shoulder. He dropped it to the ground, then immediately got to work.

Watching him closely, Reyes leaned against the side of his shuttle with a thoughtful look.

“Maybe I could take you on a date?”

While Reyes tried to sound confident, his attempt ultimately failed. Instead of forming the words into a bold offer, they fell flat, sounding more like an uncertain question.

Scott stopped what he was doing. He spared Reyes a brief glance, only to return his attention to the task at hand, hiding his flushed face.

“Wouldn’t Zia disapprove?” Scott asked, being rougher than necessary as he practically took apart the control panel.

Envy curled inside him, spreading like an infection through his bloodstream. There was a sharp squeeze around his heart as it was encased in the feeling.

Reyes called him out on it, way too perceptive for his own good.

“Ryder, are you jealous?” Reyes chuckled.

Scott glared, causing him to throw his hands up in surrender.

“Just asking.”

“And if I am?” Scott retorted.

“Then I’d have to put your mind at ease.”

“It’s really none of my busin—”

Reyes closed the distance between them. Reaching out, he cupped Scott’s cheek, brushing his thumb along his bottom lip. Weak as he was, Scott leaned into his touch for a split second. His eyes threatened to flutter closed, but he had to remain firm about this one matter, if nothing else.

As he started to pull away, Reyes said, “There is nothing going on between Zia and I.” Scott froze into place. “We went out for drinks a few times, nothing more.”

“You swear?” Scott asked, narrowing his eyes.

“I swear.” His voice grew heated, impassioned. “I might be a bad man when it comes to many things, but I wouldn’t ever lie about that to you.”

Scott considered that before replying, “Well, like I said—” He cleared his throat, eyes averted. “ It’s not really any of my business, so I don’t know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pried.”

He trailed off, uncertain why he was acting that way.

Reyes furrowed his brow.

“No need to be sorry. If you had crossed a line, then I would have said so.”

“Even then, you’re not mine. Your relationships are your own.”

“I could be.”

Scott regarded him skeptically.

“Could be what?”

“Yours,” Reyes answered instantly, staring intently at Scott. “Just say the word.”

If only they weren’t both keeping secrets from each other at the moment, then Scott might take him up on that.

Turns out, being with the Charlatan would be a huge conflict of interests. Who could’ve guessed?

Silence settled between them. It was as if the whole world was awaiting Scott’s answer with bated breath. Time itself seemed to stand still in anticipation.

“I—” He struggled to find the right words. “Give me time.”

That’s all he could ask.

Reyes’s hopeful expression fell, and that alone felt like a stab to the chest. Scott's breathing trembled a little, as if it was becoming difficult to continue drawing in one breath after another.

God, he didn’t want to hurt him, but neither of them could really afford to rush into things half-cocked.

Scott copied his earlier gesture, reaching out to cup Reyes’s cheek. The change was almost instantaneous, how the tension drained away, only for Reyes to melt into Scott’s touch. He leaned into his hand, starved for affection.

Scott swallowed thickly, unable to pull away, let alone take his eyes off of him for even a second.

“All I ask is that you give me time,” Scott repeated. “That’s not a ‘no.’ I just need to think a few things over, iron out a few details.”

Reyes listened, then agreed.

“Alright.” He pulled away with a small, private smile. “As if I could deny anyone such a reasonable request, especially you.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Returning his attention to the shuttle, Scott got back to work. After all, he didn’t want to neglect the poor bird, and it appeared that the shuttle was in desperate need of a little TLC.

His diagnostics only confirmed his suspicions.

When a couple of sparks resulted from his prodding, Scott chastised Reyes for mistreating their baby. Reyes grew defensive, both of them falling back to old habits as they bickered.

This was the type of work that Scott did on the Nexus after he got sidelined and shafted. Systems repairs, shuttle repairs, routine maintenance… That sorta thing.

It was how he met Reyes to begin with. Few pilots had the energy to hang around and talk shop with Scott while he worked, especially since a lot of them had only recently returned from failed colonization efforts. Understandably, most people didn’t want to entertain idle conversation after watching their friends die out in the field.

That was fine by Scott, but Reyes had always gone out of his way —even then— to make sure that Scott had anything and everything that he needed.

They might have taken his shuttle out on a few joyrides together, gotten in trouble for wasting fuel, but Scott wouldn’t trade that time they spent together for anything in the galaxy.

Even now, it felt natural to settle back into their old routine. While Scott worked, Reyes watched, and they talked about anything and everything.

Time passed, and Scott only got deeper into the repairs and modifications. Despite the setting sun, he still broke a sweat, a light sheen glistening upon his skin.

Eventually, he had to take off his shirt, leaving him in a plain tank top that quickly got dirty along with his hands.

Swiping at the perspiration beading at his hairline, Scott grunted as he came to a stopping point for now. He reached for his bag, but what he was seeking wasn’t there.

“Shit.”

Turning towards Reyes, Scott huffed at him.

The bastard wasn’t even trying to hide his staring. Face flushed, he was biting teasingly at his bottom lip, brown eyes dark as he watched Scott through a hooded gaze.

Getting to his feet, Scott crossed his arms over his chest.

“See something you like?”

“Definitely.”

“You’re shameless.” Scott shook his head in disbelief, tsking under his breath. “You’re just as bad as that one time when Gil Brodie asked for a ‘second opinion’ on some fix he made. Turns out, I ended up doing almost all of the work while he sat back and watched.”

“Smart man,” Reyes noted, giving Scott a thorough once-over. “This Gil must have great tastes.”

Scott snorted.

“Flattery will get you nowhere. If you really want to make me happy, then you would grab your water bottle for me.”

“Did you forget yours?” Reyes asked, slightly concerned. After all, being caught out in the badlands without water was just asking for dehydration or heat stroke.

Nevertheless, he got the bottle for him. Scott placed his hands over Reyes’s, shrugging with a flustered blush.

“Yeah,” Scott sighed. “I thought I had packed it! I don’t know where it could’ve wandered off to.”

“Perhaps you were in a bit of a rush to get here,” Reyes said, trailing off suggestively.

Scott figured that he would allow that.

“Perhaps,” he agreed, “but what else do I keep you around for, if not the water? You wouldn’t want the guy repairing your shuttle to get dehydrated, right?” Scott smirked. “I could get delirious, and it would be very unfortunate if I just so happened to forget to install an essential component.”

Reyes gasped dramatically, relinquishing the water to Scott, who was quick to take a swig.

“You always have to watch out for the pretty ones,” Reyes grumbled. “Always causing trouble, keeping secrets…”

There it was again. That sense of knowing , that sense that both of them were holding something back. It was left unsaid. Neither confronted the other about it, but they knew that the secrets were there.

Before the sudden lag in conversation could get too awkward, Scott took another swig of water and asked, “So, you think I’m pretty?”

Reyes chuckled, glad for the change of subject.

“Kian seems to think so,” he muttered. Leave it to him to avoid the question. “He keeps asking when you’re going to start working for him at Tartarus.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“As a dancer?” He had to make sure he was hearing right.

“Yep.”

“Could you imagine?” Scott scoffed. “Me, shaking my ass for money? A tempting offer. It would probably be more profitable than the odd jobs I take on here and there, but I think I’m fine where I’m at.”

“Damn,” Reyes sighed, “what a shame.”

Scott raised an eyebrow in his direction.

“You saying you would have come to watch me?”

“Not only that, but I would have paid to watch you,” Reyes said, “especially if I could have gotten a private show out of it.”

Scott tried to imagine it, grinning in spite of himself.

“What’s so funny?” Reyes wondered.

“Nothing, nothing,” Scott said, brushing off his concern. “That just made me remember a thought that I had earlier.”

“What about?”

“Oh, you know.” Scott gestured vaguely. “Just that I should start charging you a fee for when we spend time together.”

Reyes winked at him.

“It would be worth every credit.”

[the-chick-of-the-air]

Ok, I already posted this in one of the group chats a while back...

But I’m in between fics and wanted to post something to stay consistent! 🙃 I hope you all enjoy!

Summary: a lil missing scene from twk- what happend during that night Jude snuck into the palace after her return from the Undersea? Basically just filling in the time skip. Rated G.

Pretend This Has a Title

I can’t reassure Cardan, can’t tell him his worry about being feckless is unfounded, so I stay quiet for a long time, allowing the Roach and the Bomb’s conversation to wash over me.

Before long, Cardan takes his place on his bed again, unfazed that I’m still in it. To be fair, he is the one that put me here to begin with.

“You’ll need to get a costume. I suggest the market.” The Bomb tells me, and I nod, realizing only now how heavy my head feels. How my eyes want to shut against my will.

“I plan on that. Worst case scenario I’ll just steal something from one of the courtiers.” Cardan’s eyes are on me, have been for a while, and while unnerving, I find I don’t quite mind it. Especially when my plan gets the barest of smiles from him.

I allow myself to fall silent again, letting the others speak. Though he converses with the Bomb and the Roach, Cardan’s eyes never leave me. I don’t dare look at him though, not in light of his confession. Rather, I lean back on my elbow, trying to give my muscles a break from staying upright.

Cardan has other plans.

Almost as soon as I am leaned back, he grips my arm just above my elbow. Grabbing my hand with his free one, he pulls my support system from under my weight and I fall back against his numerous pillows. At first, I’m worried he is reverting- doubling back on this strange truce we have found ourselves in- and resuming his old tormenting ways. But the way he is gripping my hand, like he’s afraid of letting me go, tells me otherwise.

He turns my palm over, gently tracing the lines that are still pruny from my time underwater. The Bomb and Roach carrying on speaking as though nothing out of the ordinary is happening.

Noticing that I still haven’t completely relaxed- because honestly, how could I?- Cardan makes a “tsk” sound under his breath. Nodding along to whatever Roach is saying about the upcoming party- I’ve ceased listening at this point- Cardan gently rests a hand on my forehead. I’m confused, thinking he is checking me for a fever, even though it’s not common knowledge amongst the Folk that mortals overheat when they are sick. But he surprises me by pushing my head down until I’m fully nestled against the pillows.

Again, nothing is said, though I’m kind of reeling. Or, I would be, were I not already being manhandled by the clutches of sleep. Cardan doesn’t stop there. He moves his hand from my forehead to my hair, running his long fingers through it.

Maybe he thinks I’m too out of it to notice, maybe he doesn’t care. Over all I got my wish- this is very unlike him.

With the voices of people I trust surrounding me, and the feeling of a young king’s fingers in my hair, I finally fall into a semblance of restful sleep.

~.~

Cardan:

She’s out like a lantern as expected. And Roach is looking at me funny.

And still, I wonder how that can be an incentive for murder.

The Bomb is watching Jude with a small smile, one that only grows wider when she takes note of how I’m still petting her head. There’s something soothing about the act, and all these ridiculous feelings I’ve finally come to terms with are rearing their serpentine heads in the back of my mind.

“We have an early start tomorrow, so…Good night, Your Majesty.” Roach bows and grips The Bomb by the shoulder, hauling her out the door and closing it behind them.

Now that it’s just us, my full attention is on the slumbering mortal next to me. She looks smaller than she has ever seemed like this, weak and thin. Pale due to the lack of sun on the ocean floor. Yet she still managed to break into the palace and drag me from the fitful sleep I was having.

My fingers are shaking the next time I drag them through her hair. Those weeks of not knowing where she was, and then not knowing of how she was once we discovered her location… I never thought it possible for darkness to get darker. For it to feel so heavy. I went to a place, without her, one I was terrified I would not come back from, not without her by my side.

I was horrified, at first. How had I come to rely so heavily on a human girl? So much so that my self loathing only grew deeper once she was in enemy clutches due to my own arrogance? So much so that I felt there was no point to my endless, immortal life without her?

I felt that fear gripping me again. Every night she had been amiss, I couldn’t even sleep. I simply lie awake and wondered at the crushing pain in my chest, as though I actually had a heart to break. It was not a common thing for us fae to weep, but I found tears my near constant companion when I was alone.

I steady my breathing, least the sound of my unrelenting panic wake Jude. And from the snippets of whispers I heard about her treatment in the underwater prison, I daresay she needs the rest more then I do.

Speaking of.

The sun will be high soon, which means I have a few hours of sleep left to wrangle. And now that my Seneschal was back where she belongs, by my side, perhaps rest won’t deign to grace me with its sweet unconscious presence.

I grab one of the many coverlets draped across the large mattress and bring it up over both Jude and I. Despite how she’s knocked out and I can feel the slow fingers of sleep sliding around my mind like a vice, I keep up my ministrations, slowly dragging my fingers through her hair, brushing the rounded edges of her ear. Such an interesting shape.

Finally, on the edge of falling backwards off the cliff of wakefulness, just before I succumb to the safety net of darkness, I am able to ease my inhibitions and softly confess to her the words that catch in my throat in the frightening light of day.

“I love you.”

There we have it! Let me know what y’all think!

Tag-list: (as always, let me know if you would like to be added to the list!)

@maleckanejnessianjurdansolangelo @woodsbeyond1 @cardan-greenbriar-tcp @thewickedkings @aneurwin @snusbandxknifewife @jurdanhell @andromeddea @dressedindustandshadows @thesirenwashere @b00kworm @hizqueen4life @unidentifiedblackthorn @iminsanenotobsessed

[dessarious]

Misconceptions, Miscommunication, and Misinformation Pt80

Inspired by @ozmav Maribat AU

AO3   Beginning   Previous   Next

Robin watched everything unfold with a smirk on his face. Superman had been getting worse and worse over the years, believing he was the only one that knew right and wrong. That he was the only one capable of making decisions. Robin had never understood why the rest of them put up with it, especially when they all complained anytime Superman wasn’t there. Well except for Green Lantern. That idiot was the biggest suck up he’d ever seen. Watching Tikki take the Man of Steel down a peg or two was far more gratifying that it should have been.

He did wonder how much of this was for show though. The Kwami were unpredictable at best but he didn’t think Tikki would just create four more people Marinette would have to be responsible for. She was already struggling with having to find a place for herself to live and even knowing she had contracts and money coming her way she was not currently in the best position to buy a place large enough to house this many people. That wasn’t counting food and other ongoing costs. Then again, he’d never really had the impression that any of the Kwami besides Kaalki paid attention to things like money so it was entirely possible Tikki didn’t even realize the burden she’d be placing on Mari.

“I won’t allow you to just unleash these creatures on the world.” Robin could only roll his eyes at Superman’s insistence that he had any say over this situation. Though at least he’d said ‘I’ so the rest of the Justice League could just leave him to his own stupidity. Robin actually took a step back when Tikki’s eyes flashed red.

“You won’t allow it?” The Kwami’s voice was low and dangerous. Almost everyone shuddered at the sound. “I know you’re used to being the most powerful being in the room but we are Gods. Discorde has already proven just how ineffective you and your super powers are. Do not make the mistake of assuming you have any control over us or this situation. My Chosen has given you the courtesy of keeping you informed, do not mistake that for weakness or an invitation to interfere in our affairs.”

Robin would admit he’d never thought much of Superman’s intelligence. When you can literally overpower anyone you don’t necessarily think too hard on how to do it. The Kwami may well have the same limitation overall, but Tikki at least knew her holder wasn’t invulnerable. Marinette had always been forced to out think opponents and he had a feeling a lot of Tikki’s holders had been similar. As such the Kwami knew not to rely on brute force alone. Superman still hadn’t learned that lesson. When he moved it was without warning and straight at Tikki. Robin only had enough time to shake his head at the hubris before everything went to hell.

The Kwami of Anarchy and Darkness stepped forward while Tikki just had a satisfied smile on their face. Tikki and Jett both gestured at the same time and suddenly Superman was in a cage and two black masses attached themselves to his eyes. He stumbled around inside the enclosure trying and failing to break through it before attempting to wipe the darkness from his eyes. Everyone else watched, most with shock and fear, but Wonder Woman just looked resigned at this point. Lyccen stepped up to the cage.

“Did you know the body is simply a system? To be more accurate it’s many systems that work together in perfect harmony. Digg has always been so proud of how orderly and efficiently everything functions. I’ll admit it is quite remarkable. Unfortunately there is one rather large flaw. Introduce one foriegn body that a system can’t handle, or have one of those many systems fail and the entire body has a tendency to collapse into complete chaos. Take the brain for example. All I have to do is disrupt one connection and you lose the ability to move.” Robin watched the Kwami point to the hero's neck and Superman dropped to the ground like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

“You can’t do this to me! All this does is prove my point that you’re all too dangerous to be left in the hands of children.” Most of the Kwami let out sounds close to growls, and Robin heard Discorde let out a hiss as well, but Lyccen simply gave a thoughtful hum.

“You think so do you? Correct me if I’m wrong but you were the one to attack Tikki unprovoked. You are the one that’s been convincing the rest of this organization to try and meddle in things they otherwise wouldn’t. You’re the one lobbing threats and tantrums in every direction. How exactly are we the problem in this situation? I think you should just admit you feel inadequate since we can destroy you with barely a thought and move on. It will make things easier for everyone.” Superman sputtered out denials and curses, most less than coherent. “Well then, I suppose I could see what I can do to your other systems. Did you know it only takes one tiny change to make your blood see the rest of your body as an enemy that needs to be destroyed? Do you want to know what it feels like to be eaten away from the inside out?”

Everyone looked decidedly uncomfortable but no one spoke up. Whether from fear or something else Robin couldn’t be certain. He was busy studying Lyccen. They didn’t appear to be enjoying this. Honestly all the Kwami looked like this entire situation was just a bother that they couldn’t avoid.

“How dare you threaten me! Reverse this at once.” Lyccen crouched down to frown at the hero in confusion. Robin had to wonder how screwed up Superman’s thought process was that the Kwami of Anarchy couldn't seem to grasp it.

“So sorry, but that’s not my thing. I disrupt order but I can’t restore it. Digg could but given the way you’ve been treating our fellow Kwami I very much doubt you can convince him to help you, isn’t that right?” Digg just grunted from where he stood, hovering protectively around Tikki. “Perhaps if you apologize and promise to leave the Guardian alone we can come to some sort of agreement.”

“That’s coercion, I won’t stand for being manipulated and neither will the rest of the Justice League.” Robin looked around and almost laughed. At this point even Green Lantern seemed to see that this was a lost cause. No one spoke up.

“Hmm, well I guess I can’t help you then. Once Digg’s made up their mind they rarely change it. Guess you’re stuck as you are.” Lyccen didn’t sound smug or happy, they were just stating a fact.

“That’s enough. You can’t reason with someone who won’t be reasoned with but that’s no excuse to descend to their level. Release him and return him to his original state. Now.” Mari’s voice was clear and confident, but Robin could see the way her grip tightened on Discorde and Viperion. He wasn’t sure if she was worried they would ignore her or just wouldn’t be able to do as she said.

“Yes Guardian, we hear and obey.” All five Kwami spoke in sync and suddenly Superman was back in his seat looking extremely confused while almost everyone in the room gaped at the display. Marinette’s look was oddly blank and he had a feeling she hadn’t actually expected that to work.

“Your concerns are noted if unnecessary. If it will make you feel better I will allow Batman and Wonder Woman to check in with me as I see fit to monitor the situation. You have no authority over the Miraculous, nor will you ever, but I’m not so petty as to deny you the reassurance you so obviously need.” Marinette’s voice was just the proper blend of firm, concerned, and innocent that no one could really take offense to it. It took all his self discipline to keep a straight face as Superman just stared at her, looking hopelessly lost and confused.

AO3   Beginning  Previous    Next

Ko-Fi

Tag List

@noirdots @valeks-princess @chocolatecatstheron @krispydefendorpolice @bee-wrecker @kanamexzeroyaoifangirl @northernbluetongue @paradoxal-occurance @scrumptiouslyelegantchaosqueen @sonif50 @thequestionablyhuman @persephonebutkore @elspethshadow @geekydragonyt @mmwolf1605 @da-tasuky @mjisntme @bluerosette23 @anjuschiffer @littleredrobinhoodlum @tazanna-blythe @resignedcatservant @schrodingers25 @seraphichana @persephonescat @punstoppablechatnoir @magicalfirebird @crazylittlemunchkin @corabeth11 @cyborgcandy @casual-darkness @shamefullove @miraculous-simmer7 @tamoni112 @cat181818meow @littleblue5mcdork @allthebooksandcrannies @enchanted-nerd @disneyfoxuniverse @fallinginthe-void @mandy984 @goggles-mcgee @fontegagrilledcheese @dorkus-minimus @theatreandcomicfreak @zerotosiki @ayuchan07 @mindfulmagics @urbanpineapplefarmer @winter-gardenflower @mooshoon @my-name-is-michell @melicmusicmagic @7-sage-7 @hypnosharkrebeldreamer @alicesangelofmusic @caffeinetheory @nataladriana9 @multplelifes @wanderingreader1019 @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @mvaree @redscarlet95 @storyteller-d @howabouticallyou @ginamarie1512 @kurogaya913 @tbehartoo @maddrag @two-faced-biatch @senyahgirl @unabashedlyswimmingtimemachine @iloontjeboontje @kakashixobito @welcometopradasa @amirahevens @amlesi @miraculousbelladonna @virgil-is-a-cutie @18-fandoms-unite-08 @cupcakeandkisses @angelofmusickaterinapetrova @book-r-the-best @dur55 @moonlightstar64 @fertileleaf @thequeenofpotatoeunicornss @thecaptainthunder @danielslilangel @novicevoice @nyaabinch @interobanginyourmom @welcometopradasa @charlietheepic7 @im-here-for-the-content @maya-custodios-dionach @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @starwindmaden @tired-butterfly @rogueptoridactyl @emeraldpuffguide @suzen23smith @yuulxd @animegirlweeb @alovelyocean @kris-pines04 @semaalcocer-blog @cadencehood @jardimazul-blog @shethecat @silent-storms-posts @simplysslytherin @tog84 @thesunanditsangel @dast218 @tall-and-angry @the-alice-of-hearts @captainmac6 @theyellowfeverexperience @chrismarium @alessialeone6997 @heaven428 @tinyterror333 @smolplantmum @lilyellowink @naoryllis @katiegardneriscoolerthanyou @magewriter @doodledeerest @athena452 @peachedpocky @tired-butterfly @risingmoonyue @lunammoon @mylife-demonstrates-murphys-law  @bobothyross @silvergold-swirl @loysydark @heaven428 @peachedpocky @hauntedwintersweets @awesome-starfish-and-tacos @silvergold-swirl @rosesgonerogue @castielsofficialtoothbrush @myazael @aestheticnpoetic @creator-josie @sturchling @snowstar1016 @myblacknightworld @kittycatwowmeow @midnightkaito @chylou34 @hufflejournals @indecisive-mess-named-me @uwuteamleader @sassakitty @jessigurl-design @demigodgirl20031 @freshbark @soup-served-chilling @elmokingkong @unknownvsworld @thatonegaybitchfromschool @tis-i-beanbandit @damianette-is-life @peachesbackup @nobodyw8s4evr @the-fusionist @iwantwhirlledpeasandlotsatrees @chocolateherringtacofan

[chickensarentcheap]

Sanctuary -Chapter 35

Warnings: none

Tagging:  @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @thorsbathroomchicken, @innerpaperexpertcloud,  @valkyrie-of-the-light

Don’t read this before Chapter 34 (posted yesterday) or this one will make absolutely zero sense lol

He sits on the edge of the tub; elbows on his knees and his left palm pressed to his forehead.  Still clad in the same soiled; fabric damp and stained with a mixture of blood, sweat, mud, and grass stains.  Right arm held across his chest, secured in a makeshift sling that had been created out of torn up old t-shirt.   He aches; scalding, nearly unbearable pain that begins in the socket of the shoulder and spreads all the way down to his fingertips.  A pounding, nauseating headache.  Sore back and ribs; unable to draw in even the smallest of breaths without experiencing some kind of agony.   His eyes are closed; the bathroom light even too much for his aching head to bare, and doesn’t even look up to acknowledge the soft creak of the door as it is pulled open.  It’s quiet out in the main quarters of the suite, no Yaz or Mark and the incessant chatter of the latter.  Curtains drawn tight, no even a sliver of sunlight making it into the room.  She’s handled this before: the post concussion suffering.  

“Get your dirty fingers away from your head,” she gently scolds as she stands in front of him, her fingers curling around his wrist and pulling his hand away.   “The stitches are still fresh. It’s going to get infected. And you have enough problems right now.”

Her voice sounds…sad.  And he hates that.  He hates that he’s the one that has caused this.  That she’s not only had to see him messed up, but that she has to be the one that renders care and aid.  It’s a recurring theme over the past four years since he’d gotten back into the job; returning home with various injuries,  having to rely on her to continue with the bandaging and the wound care,  having to be completely vulnerable in front of her.  The latter shouldn’t even be an issue anymore; after five and a half years, he would think he’d be perfectly comfortable with letting his guard down in front of her.  You share a lot in that span of time; deepest and darkest secrets, brutally honest confessions, mind blowing intimacy. Yet a part of him still holds back.  He still can’t seem to give a hundred percent of himself. Worried that his burdens and his suffering will be just too much for her to shoulder.

He feels her hands on his face; palms on his cheeks, and he keeps his eyes closed and allows her to gently turn his head up towards her.  Fingertips tenderly inspecting the various wounds; carefully pushing hair out of the way to check the laceration that runs from the top of his forehead and back into his scalp.  Softly pressing at the beginnings of a wicked black eyes, travelling over his nose. It’s not the first time he’s busted it. And it probably won’t be the last.  Her touch comforts him; it’s soothing and loving. And he doesn’t feel as if he deserves either.

“Tyler…” she sighs heavily.  “…what the hell happened?”

“That’s not important.”

“It’s important to me. You shouldn’t have been alone. If I’d stayed…”

“If you’d stayed, things would have been a hundred times worse.  I sent you away for a reason. Don’t question it, okay?”

“Like you sent me away with Saju and Ovi?”

“That’s not the same thing and you know it.”

His hands find her hips, resting gently upon them. And when he feels the brush of her lips against his forehead, his palms slide around to the small of her back and he draws her in towards him, head falling forward to rest against her chest. Her palms still on the side of his face, thumbs rubbing against his beard, then moving a bit higher to brush against the middle of his ears.  His never had hands like hers on him before; whether it be providing comfort and care or driving him absolutely insane with lust and need. Her touch is familiar but welcoming.  Still able to make his stomach flutter and his knees weak even after five and a half years.

“I’m sorry,” his voice is muffled against her body.  “I’m so sorry, baby.”

Her hands move further back, nails lightly scraping against the shortest parts of his hair, then slowly moving upwards; until her fingers are pushing through the longest strands and loosely gripping.  “For what?” she asks. There’s no judgment in her tone; no condemnation.  And he doesn’t deserve that, her understanding, her patience. Her love.

“This. This whole fucking mess. For even getting you involved in it. I never should have called you that day. Asking you for help.”

“Would you rather it have been me coming here or a complete stranger?”

“You. But that’s not the point. I never should have gotten you involved in this.”

“I was already involved. The second you decided to do this.  It doesn’t matter if I’m thousands of miles away from you, we’re still a team.  I support you no matter what, even when we’re not on the same side of the world.”

Her hands drift down the back of his neck, eventually falling on his shoulders. Fingers and thumbs cautiously digging into the tight, painful muscles.  

“You should have just said no. When I called you. You should have just told me to ‘fuck off’ and stayed with the kids. They need you. They need their mom.”

“They need their dad too. I didn’t make those kids by myself, you know.”

“You’re the one that did all the work. You’re the one that carried them inside of you. Kept them alive. You’re the one that spends all the time with them when I’m gone.  They’d miss you a hell of a lot more than they’d miss me.”

“Now you’re just talking shit. Stop doing that. Stop downplaying the role that you have in their lives. The impact that you have. They adore you.  They idolize you. You’re their daddy.  Your role didn’t just stop the second you came inside of me. So stop. Please.  Stop talking like this.”

“You shouldn’t have to be there. You shouldn’t have to see this. See me…like this.”

“I’ve seen you in a lot worse shape,” she reminds him.   “A hell of a lot.  Of all the people you shouldn’t be uncomfortable around, I’m at the top of the list.  I’m your wife, Tyler.”

“Yes,” he smiles against her.  “You are.”

“So then quit your bullshit and let me take care of you. You’d do the same thing for me.”

“I’m the guy. I’m supposed to take care of you.”

“That’s not how this works. This isn’t a one-sided thing. So quit being so stubborn and just let me take care of you. Let me love you. Can you do that? I need you to do that.”

He nods, and she runs her thumb and forefingers along the edges of his ears, tugging gently when she reaches the lobes, urging him to look up at him.  The light over head is blinding and agonizing to his tortured head, and he regards her through narrow, tortured eyes.  

She smiles. It’s small. Soft. Reassuring. And she leans down to press feathery kisses over every inch of his face. Not caring about the dried blood or the dirt, lips travelling across his forehead, over his eyes and down his nose, onto both cheeks and then eventually his lips. A soft, long, sweet kiss that nearly takes his breath away.

“I don’t deserve this,” he says. “You. I don’t deserve you.”

“Stop being so hard on yourself, Tyler. I’m used to this, remember? How you live. This is your life.”

“No. You’re my life. Not this.”

“It’s okay,” she assures him.  “If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here right now.  I wouldn’t have stuck around for five and a half years. I never would have called you that night when we were separated and asked you to come home.  This is who we are, Tyler. This is what we are.”

“That’s not how it was supposed to be. When we got married. This wasn’t supposed to be part of it.”

“Well, it is,” she says with a sad smile.  “Until you’ve finally gotten it out of your system and you’ve had enough of this life. I’ll be waiting. For when you’re ready to finally walk away.”

“And what if I never do? What if I’m never ready? What if I never walk away?”

“Then we stick together and deal with that too. You’re not in this alone. And I won’t you to stop feeling guilty for bringing me into this.  You’ve been holding onto that for five and a half years now. All that guilt. For what I saw in Dhaka and for staying with you in Australia.  It’s time to let that go. Because it’s weighing you down. It’s weighing us down.  I don’t hate you. I don’t resent you. I just love you. That’s it.”

He smiles, tears sparkling in his eyes.

“You need to stop being so hard on yourself all the time,” she presses a kiss to his lips. “If you could just see yourself the way I see you. You’re not broken. You’re not damaged. You’re a human being who has flaws and weaknesses just like the rest of us. I don’t think I could love you if you didn’t. Because it’s all those imperfections that make you, you.  That made me fall in love with. That makes me love you more and more every day. I need you to stop doing this to yourself. For torturing yourself like this. Because I love you. And there’s no one else in the world I want to be with.”

He briefly tucks his lower lip between his teeth, then reaches up with his good hand, placing it on the back of her neck and pulling her down into a kiss.   Nothing passionate or needy about it. Just a languid, tender kiss that he knows she’ll feel for days.  

“Now come on,” she motions for him to stand up.  “We need to get you cleaned up. You’re a mess,” she places a hand under his good arm, encouraging him to stand.  “Are you dizzy? You’re not going to fall over on me, are you?”

“Not dizzy,” he confirms.  “I’m fine.”

“Well try and give me some kind of warning if you’re going to faint. Because I need to get out of the way or you’re going to crush me.”

“I’m not that big,” he grins.  “I’m not that heavy.”

“You’re more than a foot taller than me and you have about ninety pounds on me. If not more. So yeah. You are that big and you are that heavy. Here…let me help,” she uses his good shoulder for support as she climbs onto the edge of the tub, standing behind him long enough to undo the knot holding the sling in place. “…careful…” she says as she once more stands in front of him, frowning at the pained expression on his face; the simple chore of removing the fabric even causing him agony.  “…is the doctor sure it was just dislocated?”

“That’s what he said. But without x rays, it’s hard to know for sure. Fuck…” he bites down on his bottom lips as pain shoots through his arm, having to support it; hand coming up to cradle his wrist, effectively keeping the shoulder in line.  Sweat beads across his forehead. His breathing is ragged.  Face a sickly gray colour.  

“Just breathe,” she says, and tosses the sling onto the countertop.  “Isn’t that what you always say to me?’

Tyler nods.

“Do you feel sick? Do you need to throw up?”

He shakes his head. “I’m okay.”

“If you need to puke, use this…” she dumps the trash from the small bin next to the toilet onto the floor. “…because you look like you might puke.  We have to get this off,” she tugs at the bottom of his t-shirt. “Maybe sit down. Because it’s going to hurt like hell and if you pass out, at least you don’t have far to fall.”

“I won’t pass out,” he argues, but still takes a seat on the edge of the top.

“You nearly passed out watching Millie be born,” she reminds him.

“That’s different. That was…gross.”

“Weird how you don’t get violently ill or you don’t pass out impaling someone’s face with the end of a rake, but seeing your own child brought into the world almost brings you to your knees,” she teases, a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.   “Don’t even try and use your right arm. Pretend it doesn’t even exist. Just use your left and I’ll help, okay?”

He nods, eyes closing, his good hand assisting her with lifting the t-shirt up and over his head.  A string of profanities escaping his lips when he’s forced to raise both arms over his head to finally get it off the entire way.

“Good?” she inquires, as she tosses the piece of fabric into the corner. “Are you good?”

“Yeah…” his breathing is laboured, the sweat on his brow and at his temples more prominent now. “…I’m good.”

“Drop your pants,” she instructs, and even in his pained filled state, he can’t help but smirk.

“Normally that would turn me on hearing you say that, but…”  he’s grimacing as he gets to his feet once more.  

“I’ll forgive you…just this once…for not pitching a tent at my expense,” she helps with his belt buckle, button and zipper and then moves to start setting up the water for the shower.  “Don’t pass out,” she warns, as she adjusts the cold and hot water.  “You want it artic cold or hell fire hot?”

“Somewhere in between, I guess,” he’s able to his jeans and boxer briefs down with one hand, then resorts to kicking them off his legs and using his toes to push his socks off. “And I already said I’m not going to pass out. I’m fine.”

“You’re far from fine,” she argues, and when satisfied with the temperature of the water, begins peeling off her own clothes.

“What are you doing?”

“The easiest way to help you is to get in there with you. Am I supposed to leave my clothes on? Don’t worry, Tyler. I won’t take advantage of you in your weakened condition.  It’s not like we’ve never seen each other naked before. Are you suddenly shy?”

“No. I just…I don’t know…I’m…like this…hurt….”

“Listen, I was with you in a hospital when you still had to use a catheter to take a piss.  I’ve had to help you to and from the bathroom on many occasions when you were finally released and were at home recovering.  I’m capable of seeing your dick without getting turned on, alright?”

“Maybe I want you to get turned on. That can’t exactly happen when I look like this. Blood. Dirt.”

“Baby, you’re insanely attracted regardless of what you’re covered in.  As sick and twisted as that sounds.  How does your mind always go there? Into the gutter? Especially when you’re like this. You’d think it would be the last thing on your mind.”

“I’m a red-blooded male. If my mind doesn’t go there, it means I don’t have a pulse.”

“You’re impossible,” she huffs, and then draws back the shower curtain and steps into the bed. “Well…come on…” she offers her hand.  

He grins. “You gonna scrub my back.”

“Maybe,” she says with a wink. “And maybe some other things too.”

****

“Yaz says there was a problem with comms,” Nik says, as she and Esme chat via FaceTime. “That why he wasn’t able to warn you guys that someone was coming.”

It’s five thirty in the afternoon; curtains still drawn across the windows, late afternoon sun refused entrance.  She sits in bed with her back resting against the headboard, laptop perched upon the tops of her thighs.  The television on but the volume on mute; every so often glancing up to check the headlines that run along the bottom of the screen.  Two empty room service plates and the accompanying cutlery on the nightstand next to her side of the bed, along with various bottles of prescription meds that Yaz had picked up earlier, and two bottles of water.  Tyler sleeps soundly beside her; on his stomach; his good arm tucked under his pillow; face turned towards her.  Snoring lightly, those impossibly long, dark eyelashes skimming the tops of his cheeks, a slight smile curving his lips.  Pain free, at least for now.

“Everything was working ten minutes before. I talked to him over the radio. I even sent pictures to his SAT.”

“He thinks someone jammed the signals. Once you go back outside.”

“Whoever was in the car?”

“That’s his best guest.   We have someone keeping an eye on the police system. As soon as they’re able to identify who these guys are…were…we will know.  They’re dead. All four of them. There was no one left alive.”

“Except for Tyler,” Esme points out.

“Yes. Except for Tyler. Thankfully.”

“How did they even know we were there? We were careful Nik. We watched our backs, kept an eye out for each other. There was no one following us and no one watching us. So how…”

“There may be some kind of surveillance at McMann’s house. Or even in the bunker. Maybe even some kind of alarm that was silently tripped when Tyler broke the lock on the storm cellar. Once it’s dark, I’ll send Yaz and Mark to get a look at things.  Just so you know, McMann is livid. That the two of you went there. He’s out for blood.”

“Well you tell him that I’m kind of livid too.  Tell him I’m just slightly pissed off that my husband could have been killed because of his twisted suck fuck of a wife.  Tell him that. And while you’re at it, tell him he’s more than welcome to come here and have the balls to say what he has to say to my face. Fuck him and his threats, Nik. And fuck him for ever getting Tyler involved in this.”

“I know you’re upset. I know…”

“This goes beyond being upset. I want to know how the hell his wife was orchestrating all of this right under his nose? Was this all some kind of set up? Did he know about? Is he in on it? We need answers, Nik. We deserve answers. We’ve been busting our asses to find those kids and we’re no further ahead now than we were then.”

“I know,” Nik sighs. “And I’m just as frustrated as you.”

“Are you? Because you seem pretty damn calm.  Why don’t you try getting some answers out of him? Because he isn’t giving us any. He’s been lying to Tyler right from the get-go. All he wanted was for Tyler to come in and start a war within the IRA and take the heat off of who is really behind his kids going missing. Well fuck that, Nik.  I’m not letting him…or you…use my husband as a pawn. Enough with the games. Do you realize how bad things could have ended today? What if Tyler hadn’t been able to fight them off? What if there’d been more? What if…?”

“Asking what if solves nothing and you know it. I’ll get answers from him. I want them just as bad as you do.”

“If I had my way, we’d be leaving on the next flight out of here. I’m sick of this, Nik. This life. I’m sick of Tyler doing all the dirty work. Of him being the one you always fall back on. Isn’t there someone else you can be obsessed with? Someone else from your past you can pine over?”

“Esme…” she sighs. “…that’s not what this is about.”

“When will you just let go? Of him? When we’re married ten years? Fifteen? Twenty? I’m not going anywhere, Nik.”

“This isn’t why I contacted you. To talk about this. To argue about this. I know you have a hard time accepting the fact that Tyler and I have history, but…”

“You were fucking him. Don’t romanticize it.”

“…but you need to get over it. He chose you.  He married you. You have kids together.  If you don’t realize how much he loves you by now…”

“This isn’t about Tyler, Nik. This is about you constantly testing boundaries. I thought we were friends. I thought I could trust you.”

“You can. We are friends.”

“So that’s why you’ve propositioned him? Twice?”

Silence.

“You honestly thought he wouldn’t tell me? We don’t keep secrets, Nik. Not even the ones that hurt like hell to confess them.  Can you not respect me and my children enough to just leave him alone? I don’t expect you to stop being friends with him.  I don’t expect him to stop working for you. But can you not stop trying to break up my family? His family? You’d think you’d be happy for him. You saw him at the lowest of lows. So you’d think you’d want him to have a normal life.”

“I am happy for him. And for you.”

“But not happy enough to not try and get him back in your bed?”

“Esme, I don’t know what you want me to say. I hate that this is becoming such an issue between us. I mean, it’s been there. The elephant in the room. We were doing so good. For five and a half years. We mended things, we became friends again, I’m the godmother for your twin boys.  But lately it’s gotten out of control. You’ve gotten out of control.  You’re jealous and possessive and…”

“I’m jealous and possessive because I don’t want my husband becoming someone’s side piece? Are you being serious right now?”

“It will never happen. He loves you too much. And he loves his kids. He’d never do anything that would risk losing his kids.”

“It’s not Tyler I worry about. It’s you. I want you to just let this go, Nik. I want you to let him go. We’re trying to have a marriage here. We’re trying to raise kids. And this tension you bring? It’s not good for any of us. Especially the kids.  I’m asking you…no, I’m begging you…to let go of this notion of you and him. I need you to do that. Can you at least try? Can you just see him as a friend and nothing else?”

“Of course I can.  You’re both my friends. And I am sorry.  That this is so hard for you. Knowing that there’s a past between Tyler and me. But you’re his present. And his future. That alone should cement things for you. He chose you. He could have told you to fuck off after Dhaka and leave him alone. And he didn’t. Do you know how happy he was? When he came out of the coma and he saw you there? Do you know what that did for him that you were the first person he laid eyes on? Esme, you saved him. In every way possible. You gave him a reason to keep on when he wanted to give up. There is no one…and I mean no one…that could ever love you in the way he does.”

She glances down at him as he sleeps; boyish and peaceful looking. His features softer.  No worries or fears or demons plaguing his mind. At least for now.  And she uses her forefinger to gently push his hair out of eyes; the swelling starting to subside under the left, the bruising started to show.

“How is he?” Nik asks.

“He’s resting. I’ve been waking him up every couple of hours, just to make sure he’s okay.  But he’s peaceful. Right now, at least.”

“Has he said anything to you? About what happened?”

“Not a word. Just that he had to do what he had to do.  He said there was four of them. And that he killed them. All of them.”

“Did he say how?”

“No.  I mean, he had the Glock on him, but I never heard any shots. And I would have heard those.  Whatever happened, whatever they did to him, he’s pretty messed up.”  She rattles of the list of injuries, and the names of the various medications that the doctor had prescribed him.  

“Well just keep an eye on him. Knowing Tyler, he’ll want to be back at things tomorrow. He needs a couple of days at least. I can have Yaz and Mark continue working on things in regard to tracking the kids down and getting more information out of McMann. Be careful, Esme. Like I said, McMann is out for blood now. Tyler’s blood. And if he has to, he’ll go through you to get it.  Stay safe and locked up in that room if you have to. Tell Tyler the same thing.”

“I will. We’ll be careful, Nik. I promise.”

“Did he tell you anything about the girl he found?”

“No. And I don’t think he wants to.”

“Probably for good reason. Tell him we’ll talk tomorrow, and he can fill me in then. In the meantime, just take care of him. And each other.”

****

She feels him stir against her when she leans over to place the laptop on the floor; a thick, muscular thigh rubbing against hers, followed by the faint rustle of sheets as he changes positions in the bed.  And when she looks over her shoulders, he’s flat on his back; brow furrowed, a frown as his face, as if he can’t remember where he is, or he got there. The traffic jam, as he calls. So many thoughts and memories jammed up there, all competing against each other for his attention.

“Hey,” she greets. “Look who’s awake.”

He presses his palms into his eyes in an attempt to clear some of the cobwebs, grimacing at the pain that kicks off in his right shoulder.  

“You okay?” she asks, as she places a hand on his stomach and leans over him, pressing a kiss to his lips.  “Did you sleep alright?”

“Yeah…I think so…. what time is it?”

“Just a little after six. PM.”

“What?” those frowns in his forehead deepen, his frown becomes larger.  “Six PM? What the hell…” he attempts to sit up using both of his elbows, then lets out a loud ‘fuck’ and collapses onto his back, clutching his right shoulder.

“Jesus, Tyler,” she sighs. “Can you not hurt yourself even more?”

“I forgot…about the shoulder…” he speaks through gritted teeth. “…shit…fuck…”

“Here…” she places an arm behind his back, and with the aide of his left elbow is able to get him into a sit.  “…that okay?”

“Yeah…” he nods. Sweat glistens on his forehead, his breathing his ragged.  His body very much feeling the damage that had been done to his body earlier, and the side effects of the medication he’d taken before drifting off.  “I’ve been asleep? All that time?”

She nods. “I’ve been waking up every couple of hours. Just to be on the safe side. And I’ve been checking to make sure you’re still breathing every now and then.”

“Were you disappointed that I was?” he teases.  “Still breathing?”

“No. I was pleasantly surprised. I’d miss you if you weren’t around anymore. How are you feeling?”

“I’m…confused…”

“About what?”

“What day is it?”

“It’s Tuesday. Why?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on your date? That was Tuesday, wasn’t it? Or am I imagining things? Did I imagine that? You having a date with some other guy? Please tell me I was imagining that.”

“It’s not a date. It’s a ploy. To get information. But yes, that was today. But I said something came up and I asked for a rain check.  So I could stay here with you and take care of you.”

“I bet that just broke your boyfriend’s heart. Did he cry?”

“Don’t be a smart ass,” she pecks his cheek.  “You have any pain?”

“A bit,” Tyler admits. “My head is killing.”

“Do you want some of your meds? The doctor says you can take up to eight a day. If you need one…”

“No.  I don’t want to take anything. I take enough.  I’m fine.”

“You have to stay on top of the pain. Or else it’s going to be too much and…”

“I’m fine,” he insists, then smiles.  “But thank you.”

She settles down next to him, turning her body into his, arm across his stomach, head on his chest. And he wraps his good arm around her, his palm softly stroking her arm.  

“Thank you,” he says once more, and drops a kiss on the top of his head.

“For what? The blow job in the shower? I bet that’s what helped you sleep so well.”

He grins. “Yeah, that was…nice.”

“Just nice?” she pouts dramatically. “That’s insulting. Way to hurt my feelings.”

“It was better than nice.  Way better than nice. None of the nurses I had in the hospital ever did that for me.”

“All your nurses were elderly women with hairy lips and unibrows,” Esme points out.

“You made sure of that. Didn’t you. That I wouldn’t get any hot, young nurses. You wanted to be the only one giving me sponge baths and helping me to the john.  And giving me blow jobs behind the curtain.””

“I can’t believe you even remember that,” she blushes and buries her face in her chest.  “It was only a couple of times.”

“Excuse me? It’s was several times. And we did other stuff.  When there was like a month left before I was released. What are you so embarrassed about?” he chuckles, and runs his hand over her hair, settling it on her lower back.  “It was hot. Insanely hot. Worrying about getting caught? That just made it even better.”

“That seems like forever ago,” she muses. “It’s only been five and a half years. Millie’s going to be six. She’s going to be in school full time.  The twins will be half a day. So you’ll just be stuck at home with me and Declan every day.”

“And the new baby.”

“There isn’t a new baby.  Yet.”

“Not for lack of trying. And there could be. It could be why you haven’t been feeling well.”

“Tyler, let it go.  I am not pregnant.”

“How would you know? You haven’t even taken a test.”

“Because I know my body. I know how I felt before I found out about the other three pregnancies I’ve already been through. This is not the same.  This is stress and worry and being homesick. This is not a baby.”

“Well we could make one hundred percent sure either way if we just got a test and….”

“Tyler James, I swear to God. Let it go.  Why are you in such a hurry to get me pregnant? What’s the breeding kink you have all of a sudden? You turn forty and this is what it does to you?”

“It’s not a kink. And it has nothing to do with how old I am. I just…I don’t know…it would be nice. To have another kid. One last one.”

“You said that about the twins, too. You were one hundred sure you didn’t want any more when I had them and then low and behold…”

“In all fairness, I never said I wanted another one when you got pregnant with Declan. You were on the pill. We were being careful. It just happened. So I actually did stop at the twins. It’s your body that decided it wasn’t finished it. So if you should be blaming anyone, it’s yourself.”

She sighs. “You’re insufferable.”

“I just think it would be nice to have one more. It’s not a kink. It’s not because I’m getting older. It’s because I love you and I love having a family with you. It’s my legacy. They’re my legacy. I want to leave something behind that carries on my name.”

“You have three sons already that will always have your last name. So…”

“It just would be nice to have a big family. That’s all.”

“We already have four. How big do you want it be?”

“I think we agreed we’d have one more. So why are we arguing about this? I don’t want to argue about this. About anything.  I’m just saying, if you would just take a test, we’d find out for sure if you are. That’s all.”

“You know, just for you, because I love you and because you’re annoying the shit of me, I will buy a test and take it. Okay? Does that make you happy?”

“Yes. It always makes me happy when I get my way.”

“You really are an insufferable shit head,” she laughs, and kisses him, then tucks her head into the spot between his neck and his shoulder.  

“Well you knew that when I asked you to marry me and you still said yes, so what does that make you?” he presses his lips to her forehead, then drops his head back and closes his eyes. The pain is excruciating; spreading over the entire side of his head where the wound is, the stitches feeling impossible tight and stiff.

“I think it was a smart decision. You’re not the easiest person to live with, but I think I’ve mastered it. And I like having you around and I’d miss you like hell if you weren’t, so…”

“I’m stuck with you.”

“You’re stuck with me,” she confirms.

“There’s way worse fates than being stuck with you, that’s for sure. And we make really cute kids.”

“Yes,” she smiles. “We do,” she rubs his stomach softly, then slides her hand up to his right shoulder…the bad shoulder…and uses a fingertip to trace the roman numeral tattoo that graces his skin.  “Tanner told me to tell you that he loves you and misses you.”

“Holy shit, you mean it only took him four years to acknowledge he has another parent?”

“Listen, Mister Rake. You’re already the favourite of the other three. Let me be the person one of them at least loves the most. Give me that much. I spent seven and a half months of sheer hell baking those twins, the least you could do is give me one of them all to myself.”

“Nope. Sorry. I kicked in all the good genes. And for the record, I did all the work while making them.”

“Oh bullshit! You have a very different recollection of when they were conceived than I do. It took all of like five minutes. Ten at the most. You were loaded that night. Like fall on your ass drunk. I’m surprised you could even get it up.”

“I could get it up with just a stiff breeze in the room. And you weren’t complaining at the time, were you. No. Did I get the job done? I got two jobs done. I got you off and I got you pregnant. We could say three jobs if we take into consideration I knocked you up with twins.”

“If you say super sperm, I will punch you in the side of the face and give you matching black eyes,” she warns, the nestles her face into his neck once again.  Pressing a kiss to that short, yet thick scar. That one that will forever serve as a lasting reminder of the day she’d nearly lost him.  “You scared the shit out of me,” she says.

“Are we talking about Dhaka or…”

“Well obviously Dhaka. But today. It felt like hours went by. Until you came back to the car. And then I saw you bleeding and torn to shit and…”

“I’m sorry,” his hold on her tightens, his hand resting just above her right buttock. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“What happened, Tyler? What did they do to you?  What did you do to them?”

“It doesn’t matter, okay? All talking about it will do is upset you. And I don’t want to upset you so…”

“At least tell me what did this,” her fingers gently locate the beginning of the freshly stitched wound. “You don’t have to give me any other details. Just that one.”

“Esme…”

“Please?” she pulls back to look at him. “Tyler…please…just give that at least.”

He sighs. “It was a shovel. One of those garden ones. The metal kind.”

“What the fuck? Are you serious?

“Just the edge of it caught me. Not that whole thing. That would have knocked me out.”

“Or killed you.”

He nods.  “I killed two of them. With it. The shovel.”

“You have a fetish for gardening tools or something?”

He can’t help but chuckle at that.

“How’d you kill the other two?”

“Broke their necks. With my bare hands. I did what I had to do.  To get back to you. I had to make sure you were okay. That you were safe.”

She places a hand on the side of his face, fingertips pressing into his beard, encouraging him to look at her. Then she smiles and presses a kiss to his lips. “What did you see? When you found that Erin girl?”

“I’m not talking about that. You don’t need to know.”

“It was that bad?”

He nods, then swallows down a lump of emotion sitting square in his throat. “It was that bad,” he confirms. “And I knew, if we got caught there, if you got caught there, what they did to you would be a hundred times worse. And what happened to her? That was horrific. So if they got their hands on you…” he shakes his head, draws in a shaky breath. “…if would have been so much worse and they would have made me watch and…” he has to stop in order to compose himself.  “…and I didn’t want that to happen. I didn’t want you going through that.”

“Tyler…” she whispers, and then pecks his lips before climbing into his lap. A knee on either side of his hips, her hands wound around his neck. “…what did you see?”

“I can’t,” he shakes his head. “I can’t tell you. Because I know how worse it would have been for you. And I know they would have made me watch and when I think about that…I can’t…I just can’t…”

She uses her thumbs to clear the tears off of his cheeks, then draws his head down to her chest. “It’s okay,” she says, her fingers combing through his hair.  “It’s okay now.”

He nods in agreement, then wraps both arms around her waist. Not caring about his injured shoulder or the pain that shoots through him.  

All he wants to do is hold her. Forever.

[blogaholik]

Crowdsourcing and crowdfunding

What is crowdsourcing?

Crowdsourcing is the practice of obtaining needed services, ideas or content by soliciting contributions from a large group of people, especially from the online community rather than from traditional employees or suppliers. The term crowdsourcing was coined by journalist Jeff Howe in the issue of Wired (Bannerman, 2012).

Crowdsourcing is optimistically depicted as a way of putting to use the creativity of the public for free, or for a moderate charge. ‘Turkers’, a term for online workers who use the sites, apparently makes small amounts of money by executing online tasks.

For example, a website named Mechanical Turk operated by Amazon, grants individuals or organizations to post micro-tasks, such as “find the email address for a company” (payment: $0.01/each address), “vote for the best translation” (payment: $0.05/each link), or “rate adult-oriented videos for quality and relevance” (payment: $0.15/each rating) (Amazon, 2010).

Other crowdsourcing platforms include:

Innocentive

Focus on crowdsourcing research and development for pharmaceutical and biomedical companies,

99designs

The world's biggest graphics design marketplace, associates customers requiring custom design work, for example, websites and logos to a thriving network of talented designers who present a new custom design to the site each 7-10 seconds.

Social media and crowdsourcing

Social media has played a significant role throughout the years in catastrophic natural disaster as an information propagator that can be utilized for disaster relief. After the devastating and disastrous Haiti earthquake on 12 January 2010, individuals published numerous photographs and texts about their own encounters during the earthquake via Twitter, Flickr, Facebook, blogs and videos were posted on YouTube. In only 48 hours, the Red Cross received US$8 million in donations legitimately from texts, which represents one advantage of the incredible propagation ability of social media sites.

Survivors likewise utilize social media to stay in contact with the world after a disaster. The jammed cellular network in Japan brought about by the tsunami and earthquake made it difficult for people to communicate with one another. In response, they used Twitter, Facebook, Skype, and local Japanese social networks to communicate and keep in touch with their loved ones (Bannerman, 2012).

Although social media can positively impact disaster relief efforts, it does not give an innate coordination ability to effectively plan and share information, resources, and plans among different relief organizations. All things considered, crowdsourcing applications dependent on social media applications, for example, Twitter and Ushahidi offer a ground-breaking ability for gathering information from disaster scenes and picturing data for relief decision-making.

Research has shown that it is possible to leverage social media to generate community crisis maps and introduce an interagency map to allow organizations to share information as well as collaborate, plan, and execute shared missions. The interagency map is intended to allow organizations to share data in the event that they operate on the same platform or utilize comparative data-representation formats (Bannerman, 2012).

What are the advantages of crowdsourcing for disaster relief?

Compared to traditional relief methods, leveraging crowdsourcing for disaster relief has three advantages.

First, crowdsourced data including user requests and status reports are collected almost immediately after a disaster using social media. Ushahidi-Haiti was set up two hours after the 12 January earthquake by volunteers from Tufts University in Medford, Massachusetts (Heinzelman and Waters, 2003).  Soon after, organizations were able to borrow a short message service (SMS) short code phone number (Mission 4636) to send free SMS texts (Munro, 2012). News of this free emergency number was spread through local and national radio stations.

As of 25 January, the Haiti crisis map had more than 2,500 incident reports, with more reports being added every day. The large amount of nearly real-time reports allows relief organizations to identify and respond to urgent cases in time.

Second, crowdsourcing tools can collect data from emails, forms, tweets, and other unstructured methods and then do rudimentary analysis and summaries, such as by creating tag clouds, trends, and other filters. These can help partition the data into bins (such as most-frequently requested resources) and requests into predetermined, most-urgent categories (such as medical help, food, shelter, or people trapped). Relief agencies can then concentrate on the issues and events that are most important to the relief effort.

Third, providers can include geo-tag information for messages sent from some platforms (such as Twitter) and devices (including handheld smart phones). Such crowdsourced data can help relief organizations accurately locate specific requests for help. Furthermore, visualizing this type of data on a crisis map offers a common disaster view and helps organizations intuitively ascertain the current status.

What are the shortfalls of crowdsourcing for disaster relief?

Despite the fact that crowdsourcing applications can give precise and convenient information about a crisis, current crowdsourcing applications actaully miss the mark in supporting disaster relief efforts (Gao et al., 2011).

Above all, most applications do give a common mechanism explicitly designed for cooperation and coordination between different relief organizations. For instance, microblogs and crisis maps don’t give a component for distributing response resources, so various organizations may react to an individual request simultaneously.

A subsequent inadequacy is that data from crowdsourcing applications, while helpful, do not generally give all the correct information required for disaster relief efforts. The accuracy of the report’s geo-tag and content is not guaranteed, in spite of the fact that relief workers enormously need the ability to naturally and precisely locate crowdsourced data on the crisis map. That is, a geo-located tweet does not really allude to the geo-location point. Somebody may message the emergency guide's telephone number to report something they saw earlier, potentially messaging from a shelter about a bridge that collapsed 10 miles not far off.

Furthermore, there are regularly duplicate reports, and information essential for relief coordination isn't promptly accessible or effectively available, for example, arrangements of relief resources or correspondence systems and relief organization contact information.

Lastly, current crowdsourcing applications do not have adequate security features for relief organizations and relief operations. For example, crowdsourcing applications that are publicly available for reporting are also publicly available for viewing. Although it is important to provide information to the public, this can create conflicts when decisions must be made about where and when relief resources are needed.  

In conclusion, crowdsourcing supporting applications don't have sufficient security features for relief organizations and relief operations. For instance, crowdsourcing applications that are openly accessible for revealing are additionally freely accessible for viewing. In spite of the fact that it is essential to give information to people in general, this can stimulate conflict when decisions must be made about where and when relief resources are required.

What is crowdfunding?

Out of crowdsourcing has developed a new phenomenon: crowdfunding. Crowdfunding is the act of funding a project or venture by collecting modest amounts of money from a large number of individuals, ordinarily by means of the Internet.

Crowdfunding is related to crowdsourcing in that both draw on the power of intensity of groups of people and networks. Notwithstanding, crowdfunding is additionally very unique. It works through an open call for funding for specific projects. Funding is requested online, typically in moderately modest quantities, from individual donors or investors, nd goes towards specific projects: personal loans for small businesses, the production of design t-shirts, production of movies or music, or covering medical expenses for the less privileged.

There are four basic models of crowdfunding:

1. Donation-based - funders donate to a project without any expected compensation. An example of a donation-based crowdfunding platform would be:

GoFundMe

GoFundMe is a free crowdfunding platform tailored to fundamentally support people and causes. Since GoFundMe is fit to individual causes— anybody can make a campaign—sponsors on here tend to only support campaigns that originate from inside their own community and personal networks.

GoFundMe isn’t intended for business crowdfunding campaigns, unlike the other platforms. However, if you’re an entrepreneur who has run into difficult times, or you need to raise money to overcome a personal challenge, you can have a go at leveraging this platform for support from your personal network.

Governments, political parties, and the public sector have also experimented with crowdfunding. Barack Obama relied on small donations solicited online during his presidential campaign in 2008. Many government parties fundraise online, as do a wide variety of other initiatives and projects (Pricco, 2014).

2. Reward-based - offers non-financial rewards to funders, such as t-shirts or the opportunity to see a band backstage. An example of a reward-based crowdfunding platform would be:

Kickstarter

This platform is designed around recurrent donations that permits content creators to monetize their videos, blog articles, music and even software developments. On the off chance that people like the project, they can pledge money to get it going. If the project succeeds with regards to arriving at its funding goal, all sponsors' credit cards are charged when time expires.

3. Lending-based - funders expect repayment of the funding they contribute to a project. An example of a lending-based crowdfunding platform would be:

Kiva

Provides the ability to lend money via the Internet to low-income entrepreneurs and students. Kiva's mission is "to expand financial access to help underserved communities thrive."

4. Equity-based -  funders receive equity, revenue, or a share of the profits in a project. An example of an equity-based crowdfunding platform would be:

StartEngine

StartEngine is one of the world’s biggest equity crowdfunding sites. StartEngine pulls funds from an investor's account once the company has exceeded their minimum funding goal, and the escrow account has been opened (StartEngine, n.d.).

Crowdfunding platforms encourage the assembly of ideas, the interconnection of funders with creators, the uniting of ideas and resources, and new entity prospects.

In conclusion, a few key inquiries should be posed as crowdfunding moves past its outset: How can crowdfunding work in the interests of the public, creating new opportunities, contributing to public spheres, and guaranteeing a reasonable appropriation of benefits? Should the principle that publicly-funded research be made openly available apply to crowdfunded projects?

On top of the potential advantages crowdfunding brings to individual corporations, it likewise can possibly improve the efficiency of the development sector as a whole. Numerous development organizations are dependent on traditional support mechanisms with pre-set up measures for performance defined by external donors and tested by anonymous authorities. Crowdfunding, by contrast, empowers joint development of projects and dialogue. During the selection of projects, its only reference are the organization's values and quality measures, which need to be communicated to potential supporters. Projects that are attractive and significant receive adequate sufficient support - not simply those that meet the current (political) support priorities.

References list

Bannerman, S. (2012). Crowdfunding Culture. Web. Wi: Journal of Mobile Culture, [online] 06(04), p.4. Available at: http://wi.mobilities.ca/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/sbannermanwi_2012_06_04.pdf [Accessed 13 Oct. 2019].

Amazon. (2010). All Hits. [online] Available at: https://www.mturk.com/mturk/findhits?match=false [Accessed 26 Oct. 2020].

Zeng, D., Gao, H., Barbier, G. and Goolsby, R. (2010). Ieee InTeLLIGenT SySTemS Harnessing the Crowdsourcing Power of Social Media for Disaster Relief. [online] Available at: https://apps.dtic.mil/dtic/tr/fulltext/u2/a581803.pdf.

Heinzelman, J. and Waters, C. (2003). About the RepoRt Crowdsourcing Crisis Information in Disaster- Affected Haiti Summary. [online] Available at: https://mirror.explodie.org/Crowdsourcing%20Crisis%20Information%20in%20Disaster-Affected%20Haiti.pdf [Accessed 27 Oct. 2020].

Muralidharan, S., Rasmussen, L., Patterson, D. and Shin, J.-H. (2011). Hope for Haiti: An analysis of Facebook and Twitter usage during the earthquake relief efforts. Public Relations Review, 37(2), pp.175–177.

MP, H. (2011). Japan Tsunami & Earthquake – Use of Twitter, Facebook, Skype & other Social Networks. [online] Bubblecube. Available at: http://bubblecube.wordpress.com/2011/03/12/japan-tsunami-earthquake [Accessed 27 Oct. 2020].

Munro, R. (2012). Crowdsourcing and the crisis-affected community. Information Retrieval, 16(2), pp.210–266.

Gao, H., Barbier, G. and Goolsby, R. (2011). Harnessing the Crowdsourcing Power of Social Media for Disaster Relief. IEEE Intelligent Systems, 26(3), pp.10–14.

Flannery, M. (2007). Kiva and the Birth of Person-to-Person Microfinance. Innovations: Technology, Governance, Globalization, 2(1–2), pp.31–56.

Pricco, D. (2014). Political Crowdfunding - how politicians are learning to harness the crowd. [online] CrowdExpert.com. Available at: http://crowdexpert.com/articles/crowdfunding-in-politics/ [Accessed 27 Oct. 2020].

CROWDFUNDING INDUSTRY REPORT Market Trends, Composition and Crowdfunding Platforms THE INDUSTRY WEBSITE TM. (2012). [online] Available at: http://www.crowdfunding.nl/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/92834651-Massolution-abridged-Crowd-Funding-Industry-Report.pdf [Accessed 27 Oct. 2020].

StartEngine. (n.d.). Investor FAQ. [online] Available at: https://www.startengine.com/investor-faq [Accessed 27 Oct. 2020].

[saltyaro]

topsydead a réagi à votre billet “Arophobia and the ace community: a few bullet points”

I'm alloace. I haven't seen this behavior in other alloaces but it is concerning and I accept the call to action. It's clear that people don't understand the SAM and don't acknowledge aros. What can I do to help?

You probably don’t realize you see it because you’re not the...target? of arophobia, but I would be very surprised if you’ve actually never encountered it! Maybe you’re really lucky.

I’m glad you’re willing to challenge this habit, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to give you concrete advice. I’ll try though.

From my point of view, because ace people are oppressed under our society’s assumption that everyone feels sexual attraction, and are often seen as subhuman because of that, there’s this kinda desperate desire to be seen as still valuable “despite” the lack of sexual attraction. As a result, alloaces kinda rely on their romantic attraction to gain “approval” from other people and society. That’s because romance is seen as the most important thing in people’s lives, so, from an ace’s point of view, it makes sense to...double efforts, to “make up” for the lack of sexual attraction? I think it’s important to first realize “why” amatonormativity and arophobia are so rampant within alloace’s communities. Of course, that it’s something understandable, doesn’t mean it should stay that way. That’s my hypothesis on the matter: not necessarily that the alloaces’ arophobia is stronger than in the general population but rather, that the emphasis on romance and amatonormativity is pushed more obviously. If that makes sense. So, the arophobia is extremely visibly and harmful to us (especially because of our shared spaces).

So yeah that’s the way I do things, I try to understand the systems behind things. This is the first step, now what to do?

I’d say, try to train yourself to recognize the assumptions of romance. Try to do a parallel with the sexual assumptions, the systems are very similar. Not going to lie, this is gonna be difficult, because amatonormativity is very strongly ingrained in us, to the point where we perpetuate it without ill intent. It’s pretty sneaky. For an example, you can take the sentences like “we can still love!” as part of this shit. The concept of soulmates, is another instance (yes, even when people try to argue soulmates can be platonic, doesn’t change anything). Or, the constant invisibilization of aroaces/using them as tokens. Everyone’s different, but as a general way of thinking, it’s pretty disrespectful to assume aroaces prioritize their ace identity and will relate to alloace posts. Idk, I’m not ace (i used to identify as aroace though) so it may not be my place, but back when I was in the ace community, everything just seemed so...focused on being in a romantic relationship while ace. It’s not bad to have these resources, they’re needed, but if your blog/activism focuses on that, then it’s not “ace activism” but “alloace activism”. Nothing wrong with that, just, don’t pretend any ace can relate. Aroaces can’t, and I’m sure a lot of non-Sam aces can’t either. Basically, does the post (or anything of the sort) assume “ace” means “alloace”? If yes, then it’s alienating. 

Those behaviours are also harmful to non-ace aros, of course. Because we’re sibling-communities, and (allo?)aces have more visibility than us. If someone places romance over any other kind of relationship, this is amatonormative. Beware of that, don’t ignore it. Obviously no one can be on edge 24/24 but it would be nice to have some alloaces challenge those thoughts!

Basically, before you can do anything, I think it would be useful to read through some aro blogs! There’s mine of course, but I’m a non-sam aro so it could be cool to also read from aroaces and alloaros. We all have different experiences with the ace community. 

Challenging those thoughts takes a lot of work. Stop putting romance on a pedestal, challenge any relationship hierarchy that pretends to be universal - it’s fine if it’s personal I guess but not if it’s supposed to be the norm - and challenge the very idea that what makes us humans is love. Regardless of the type of love I’d say. 

As another example, when you have an ace character in some kind of media with no explicit romanticism...don’t assume they’re alloace. If you know the content the character it’s from, read critically. Maybe there’s no answer but there often is. I’m thinking Jughead, who’s either non-sam ace or aroace, but without romantic feelings anyway. When shitterdale straightwashed him a lot of people were like “he can still be ace! We can still love!” when...yeah, but he’s supposed to be aro to. The “ace” part wasn’t what we were worried about. Same thing happened with (I think, don’t take my word on that) Raphael from Sh/adow hunte/rs, and again, the alloace community rejoincing for the ace rep. How shitty is it to rejoice over the erasure of an aro character? This second example wasn’t great rep from the start apparently, but yeah. Still an asshole move. I also think it’s important to be critical of how all ace rep either is, or is washed to be, alloace rep. Alloace rep is cool and important, but not at the expense of aroaces. Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that aro characters aren’t made to be alloaros so there’s definitely a double standard. Bo/jack for an example, “became” alloace when a lot of aroaces related to him at first. That’s what he was coded as but the ace community pushed against it and the creator decided to make him allo (probably in good faith!). 

So yeah, maybe try to react when alloaces get angry when people draw pride art and. Draw the ace flag as a single person, because again “ace” doesn’t mean “alloace”. The “ace” community is shared by allo aces, non-sam aces, and aroaces. 

Please be aware if you see di/s/k h/orse things, when ex/clusio/nism is discussed, of the aromantic erasure that always happens. Even when the ex/cl/u mentions aros, the inc/lu’s answer systematically ignores that part. There was this survey last year, on this topic, and it was shown that people who include aces do not necessarily include aros. Of course, I didn’t see any alloace mention that, even though they showed the results to be all “see everyone/most people think(s) we belong!”. Without mentioning that very important and very telling aspect. I would have loved it if an alloace had mentioned it, and had tried to open a discussion about it! But I didn’t see it happen. I know this is a very specific example, but basically, I think what would be nice, would be for some alloaces to stick for us aros whenever something like that happens. I’m not saying to actively look for such things, but if you follow ace blogs, you’re going to see it happen. 

Oh and also, I don’t know what’s your stance on this, so I’m going to write it just in case but. “Aspec” means aro + ace. It comprehends everyone: non-sam aro, non-sam aces, aroaces, allo aros, and allo aces. It’s not the same as “acespec”! It’s really erasing us aros whenever someone uses “aspec” to mean “acespec”, it’s alienating us from our own community. There’s the aro community, the ace community for our specific, different needs, but the aspec community is supposed to be our shared community so. Definitely “call out” (by that I mean comment on) people who do that! They may not have bad intents but the result is still here, and it’s just. Spreading everyday, and pushing aros further under the bus.

So yeah all it boils down to is, try and comment/reblog posts that antagonize us? Within the limits of your energy and mental health of course. And maybe try to spread knowledge about what amatonormativity is (I have a tag but you can also google it, there’s an easy to find definition), why it’s harmful, and how it operated, within the ace community. As an alloace, maybe you’ll get more attention than aros (whether we’re also ace or not, people don’t listen to us). I personally think it would benefit everyone (including alloaces) to get rid of amatonormativity but for now, pointing it out - whether for yourself or in a more public manner - should be a good beginning. 

I...hope this answers your question? 

[mintchocolateleaves]

mint i saw your tags on the library notebook dude post,,,,, can i entice you into writing a snippet of that au,,,,?

Sure, why not. This exists now lmao. I hope you enjoy this… crack fic. Ahahaha. All the best Bibiii x

Itshouldn’t be so surprising how hard it is for Saguru to narrow down his pool ofsuspects, but it is.

Thereare so many things that he knows about KID, and it has helped him narrow downthe general profile, but not enough to start assigning profiles to the thief. He’snaturally left handed, which narrows the suspect list from 90% of thepopulation down to 10%, and down to a further 1% because he’s, to some degree,ambidextrous.

The 1%would be more impressive, if it didn’t take his total suspect list from a populationof 126 million, down to 1 million, twelve hundred thousand. Although, really, he can factorout the children from this 1% demographic, since they wouldn’t be able to pulloff a heist, and that takes the number down to roughly 900 thousand.

And theover 65’s, since old age pensioners wouldn’t be flexible enough to conduct suchheists, he can retract an extra, 350 thousand from the number.

550,000 peoplethat fit within the suspect pool, although he hasn’t taken the other statistics out ofthe pool yet.

Morepeople than Saguru could ever hope to meet, he shouldn’t be angry at himself fornot finding out the thief’s identity. And yet, still, he is.

Which isprobably why he decides to go to the library, to conduct some more research. Hemight be considering demographic trends, but they’re statistics, and there arebetter ways to catch criminals that relying on numbers.

Trends,for one.

Thelibrary will have old newspaper articles from years ago, each depicting KID’s previousheists. Even though he’s deduced this KID is different from the one who disappearedeight years ago, they follow the same pattern, and so discovering any trendsrelating to the heists will be crucial in solving his case.

He’s waitingfor the librarian to become available following a staff meeting when he anoutline catches his interest. Perhaps it’s boredom that has him noticing, orsimply curiosity, Saguru doesn’t know for certain.

All heknows is that he turns and looks and there is his classmate, Kuroba Kaito satat one of the tables, poured over a book.

Anotherthing that should not be surprising, but somehow is.

It’s notthat Kuroba isn’t the type of guy who reads, he’s got the grades to prove thathe’s intelligent, but well… he’s not exactly the kind of guy who can be easilytracked to a library.

He’s thetroubling sort of intellectual, the one who lashes out in boredom with chaos becausethe classroom that’s meant to teach him does nothing to hold his interest. Anarrogant sort of intelligence, Saguru thinks.

And chaotic,arrogant intelligence isn’t exactly found in places like this.

Or rather,Saguru’s not seen it here before. And by it, he means Kuroba.

He doesn’tspare his classmate much thought, to be honest. His pranks in class are irritatingto say the least, and he’s an all-round troubling guy. It’s not in their naturesto get along, and so they don’t.

Saguruwatches him regardless. Because they know one another, because he’s curious,slightly, about what Kuroba is doing in the library. Perhaps his classmate isactually studious outside of school hours, trying to teach himself things thatno one else does.

Squinting,he tries to make out the book that the other teen is reading. He can barelymake out the title, the spine cracked and withered in age, but he’s pretty surethere’s an outline reading, electricalengineering: wiring systems and fault finding.

Unusual,but okay. Maybe his classmate wants to go on to become an engineer?

Kurobashifts, and Saguru turns ever so slightly so he’s watching the boy from the cornerof his eye, no longer out-right staring. The boy leans into what Saguru canonly assume is a backpack, flicking a pen out of nowhere and depositing amoleskin notebook out onto the table.

Studious.

Wow,Kuroba must really be taking the whole future engineer prospects seriously. Partof Saguru feels guilty for judging him so quickly. He must really be seriousabout his studies, even if he doesn’t show it as much in their classes…

Kuroba stills,leans forward and hovers over the page for a moment. Then he deposits his penbehind his ear, leaning into his backpack again to pull out a second moleskin notebook.

Heflicks it open, reads through a few of the pages, before turning back to theoriginal notebook. He writes a little more.

Saguru takesa moment to blink.

Twonotebooks? What’s the guy doing, planning a heist or something?

…

Wait.

Sagurusquints again, trying to read the cover of the other book on Kuroba’s desk: Architecture and disjunction.

Hah, how…strange. To be reading into electrical engineering, and architecture at the sametime, that so… so… strange. It’s almostas if, his classmate was using the library to gather information on how to takecontrol of a building and know the basic layout for such architectural structures.

–Wait.

Ever soslowly, Saguru lifts his hands up, pinching the bridge of his nose.

It’s abig jump, he knows, but well – Kuroba’s not exactly being subtle. Or well,maybe he is, but Saguru is kind of known to impart meaning into things and drawconclusions from the given information.

The onlyway Kuroba could be more obvious – to Saguru, at least – would be if heunfolded museum blueprints and their security systems against the table.

Sagurusighs.

Hisclassmate is Kaitou KID, isn’t he?