#pda problems

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Pov it’s getting late and you’re always staying up hours later than you mean to so you say these with me:

My day is over whenever I decide.

I am choosing peace over punishment

I am choosing seeds of self-care, -love, and -discipline, over self-abandonment.

I am making better, stronger choices every day—and it shows

I survived another day and my body and mind deserve rest, no matter what it takes.

It can be difficult, but I am still doing everything I can to make that happen.

I am showing up for myself right now by taking deep breaths

[inhale for four/exhale for six, x3]

I have done enough today.

Some days I will do more, some days I will do less. But today, it was enough.

I am ready (or almost ready) to go to bed and get some good, well-deserved rest.

[painted-bees]

A quick, sketchy little comic about a pair of nerds who are just living and working together, dw abt it.

The early days of Raf and Margie's relationship were full of uncomfy little moments like this lmao A lot of it is just...Margie needing to do a lot of growing up and crash-coursing socialization that she nerver really had the chance to do yet. She's in her early 20's and likes to think that she's a fully fledged adult--but moments like this make it obvious to Raf, especially, that she still has a lot of growing up to do in certain ways.

[autball]

A child is having outbursts at school, or at home, or wherever else, on a pretty regular basis. And at some point, someone suggests that they need to learn better coping skills.

They suggest therapy, or maybe there’s even a special program at school. Because yes, better coping skills/self-regulation skills/frustration tolerance really would solve everything, wouldn’t it?

Well those are fine skills to have, to be sure, but more often than not, it’s not what that child (or adult) needs most. What they really need is someone to figure out what’s stressing them out so much and then do something about THAT.

Because it’s not actually weird to be distressed over distressing things. Maybe *you* don’t understand what’s so distressing about school or the grocery store or that new person in the house, but that doesn’t mean *their* distress isn’t legit.

People reeaalllly like to suggest better coping skills for autistic, ADHD, and otherwise ND folks. (Since we already have a diagnosis, it’s that much easier to locate the problem in US.) And what they’re really saying with this an awful lot of the time is, “Can you please stop being so distressed by distressing things because it’s making a lot of work for us and we’re not about to change anything for you.”

So before you put someone in some sort of therapy that will teach them that they’re wrong to be upset about the things that upset them and how to get better at pretending to be okay, maybe consider that you might be expecting them to “cope” with more than they can reasonably be expected to.

[e114-6i11]

Too relatable.

[papa-nick-shieldfam]

Clint: *falls into Maria’s office because he was in the vents again 😮‍💨 and traumatized bird scream screech*

Maria and Natasha:*Maria jumps apart from Natasha* Barton/birdbrain!

Natasha: seriously vents again

Clint: still traumatized screeching bird noises

Maria and Natasha: rolls eyes and pushes Clint out then go back to deep kissing

Nick: hello motherf*ckers *in a dark corner of Maria’s office appearing from no where *

Maria: *screeches for a second* Nick! Sir! Director why! Must you do that!

Natasha:*unphased and just annoyed at keep being interrupted from kissing Maria * yea what

Nick: what did I say

Maria: lessen the pda….

Natasha: we’re in Maria’s office, Nick

Nick: *long tired dad sigh * fine just close the door and LOCK IT

[strigimorphaes]

A quick ficlet for the 6th stage of Paris-Nice - mads/mattias & josh. @mundanememory mads and mattias kissing lets talk about it

Josh has started shaking, and maybe the cold's doing something to his head and better judgement since he's not headed back to his own team bus. He's drifting towards the blue-yellow-red blotch at the other end of the street, barely able to make it out through the rain on his glasses. He takes them off along with his helmet to greet the Lidl-Trek guys hanging out in front of it. Maybe their better judgement's off too, if they're choosing to stand outside under this little canopy-thing instead of being inside with the heating on.

"Hey," one of them says. "Congratulations on second."

"Thanks," Josh answers, teeth clattering a little. How annoying, when he's trying to look cool. "Is Mads around?"

"Why?"

"I wanted to ask him something about the sprint, like, and say congratulations, too."

He wants to know how close he came to beating Mads, and to use this chance, this sudden importance at the finish, to maybe get to know some of his competitors and, hopefully, feel like a real part of this part of the peloton, the big boys who are in contention for monuments. A little bit of fake it 'till you make it, a little but of curiosity about what kind of conversation he might have with a guy like Mads after a stage like this. Maybe Mads will tell him what he did bad or good in a way that's different than his own DS. He wants something more than a handshake in any case, something that makes the day feel finished.

The Lidl-Trek guy - hard to tell them apart when they're all so bundled up and weathered - says, "He's in the bus, but now's not a good time. Him and Skjelmose are getting changed."

"Did he kick you all out for that?" Josh asks. He can't imagine willingly standing around in this cold.

"Nah," says another one - Kirsch? Either way he crosses his arms and adds, "Asked nicely, more like. And when you win the stage, you earn ten minutes of peace. It's okay, he buys the round when we celebrate after."

Josh looks past them to the curtains at the entrance to the bus. The windows are dark so he can't see anything inside. It's his luck that a Eurosport guy with a microphone suddenly approaches, eager to hear about the team's thoughts on the day. With the same feeling in his body as when he jumps the gap between two groups on the road, Josh steps behind their backs, using the distraction to duck inside.

He pauses on the stairs as the curtain falls behind him.

He can't hear talking or laughter. Not the click-clack of shoes or any zippers.

It's just whispering and then - a little soft, wet sound.

Josh takes two more steps up the little set of stairs to poke his head out, but of course he's too big to hide. He gets a fine view of the aisle with the seats on either side all the way down to the back where there's a little changing area, padded benches and storage for the clothes, and Mads and Mattias have been changing, sure, but they've not changed into anything new yet. Mads is sitting with his back to the wall, jersey off and bib straps hanging at his waist, and Mattias is on his lap, naked from the waist up, too, his back curved as he bends forwards to kiss Mads' cheek before nestling his face into the crook of Mads' neck. Mads' hands are on Mattias' back, petting him, holding him, warming him up. Josh can see every knob of Mattias' spine, every rib.

"One more minute," Mads says, his eyes closed as he captures Mattias' lips again. "Or are the boys getting impatient?"

Josh makes a noise that's a result of not knowing whether to say sorry or I'm not one of your boys or what or hey or fuck.

Then Mads looks at him past Mattias' shoulder, realizing it wasn't a Lidl-guy coming in, and Mattias twists to look, too. Mattias looks afraid for a second, and then Mads strokes his back again and he calms down. Mads looks like he might tell his boys to make sure Josh never sees daylight again if he talks. Josh is kind of impressed with how good at communicating Mads is, saying all that with just a glance.

"Sorry, I'll see myself out," Josh says. He steps backwards, almost stumbling. "I, uh - "

"Stop," Mads tells him. "You can't leave looking like that, man."

"Like what?"

"Like I threw a shoe at you or insulted your mother the moment you came in the door. Stay here until you've calmed down and look normal, like we've just had a chat. I don't want the whole fucking world to think I did something to fuck you up."

Josh nods. he tries to breathe calmly while Mattias slides off Mads' lap, sitting down on the bench next to him and pulling on a fresh shirt and a hoodie.

"We just have our own way of celebrating," Mattias says.

Mads gets up, grabbing a fresh shirt as well. He pats Mattias on the shoulder - not like he does it to others, Josh notices, not friendly and hard, but slowly to let Mattias feel the heat of his palm and the gentleness in it. Then Mads comes down the aisle, and even though he's that much shorter and narrower than Josh he doesn't feel that way. He gestures for Josh to sit, bringing them at eye level or with Josh a little lower.

"You stay quiet, right?" Mads says.

Josh nods. Then he can't help himself but ask, keeping his voice low enough that Mattias won't hear, - "Is it like, you're together? Or is it more like - I don't know, but I heard on my team, sometimes, there's kind of a - not really hazing, but mean things, you know, between the big guys and the ones that are... lower in the hierarchy."

He just wants to make sense of what he saw.

Mads smiles. "Nah, it's love, Josh."

Which - Josh wouldn't have considered that an hour ago when they were pushing like mad, and he was watching Mads and Mattias take their turns, surrounded by other madmen in rain jackets with trembling hands. He hadn't thought that people could be close in that way, too, in the peloton. He thought you got a model girlfriend or a long-suffering wife or dedicated yourself entirely to the sport. That those were the options. He must be staring into space while he's realizing that there's this , too, because Mads makes an expression like Josh looks funny.

"Now get out of the bus," Mads tells him. "We can talk some other time."

"Yeah," Josh says. He's glad the seats have handles so he can hold onto something and pulls himself up. It's going to be a whole thing to sit back at his own bus holding this knowledge inside him, and he pauses for a moment to find his footing -

"Atta boy," Mads says, and puts a hand on Josh's shoulder, leaning in for a kiss on the cheek that's definetely a mocking joke played on Josh, something to fluster him and make him leave very very quickly and confused and blushing.

Outside, the Lidl-Trek riders see Josh's red face and laugh loud enough that Mads has to hear it inside the bus.

Josh hurries to his own mates, far warmer than before.

[probablypeoplepleasering]

I am angry all the time. Every time something happens to make me feel out of control, I respond with anger. Lately, it has been my sister. Whenever she does something that makes me feel out of control, I shout at her and I can't control it. Then when I get angry at her, she responds by hitting at me (shes 10) , and by that point, I feel so ripped away from my authority all I can do is hit back. In that moment, I can't stop it. When I feel out of control, I feel this burning in the pit of my stomach. It feels so excruciating. When i shout, it goes away. When i shout, i feel in control again. I used to run away from it, burying it down. I used to pride myself in that I'm never angry. But now that's who I am. That's what I do. It's like my brain is no longer thinking rational, it needs to be in control, and if it's not something needs to be done. I feel like such a horrible, selfish person.

I'm not a violent dog, I don't know why I bite.

[wond-las]

Maybe the reason that current bbrae isn't doing anything for the way it did in the '03 run is that neither of them feel like they have any kind of substance. Like as individual characters. Raven had yet another evil arc like two seconds ago and Gar is angry at deathstroke and it kind of feels like that's where their characters begin and end. And then there's the added factor that their relationship lacks any of the tension and foundation it should have considering the absolute melodrama they went through from the years of 2004-2011. oh and also Raven is routinely written out of character in the context of their relationship.

Maybe all of this is just me but I just can't help but feel like they're missing the sauce they used to have 😞💔

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

PDA autistic culture is hating the demand that comes with labels so much that you don’t even like identifying as agender because it still feels like…a gender (a concept which society forcefully imposed on you, and you therefore want no part of)

[blcssom]

closed starter for @silencedmoths plot: linked in source! (it's giving v much they've been friends/in the same friend group forever but they're actually dating someone else in the group -- bow's best friend no less — and it's actually eating them alive !!! feelings are very much unexpressed but it's probably obvious FJEKWLA)

he was about to admonish whoever had felt it necessary to check on him after deliberately telling the group he was fine, but the second bowie turned to see them slinking through the balcony door, the lecture died in his throat. "if you're coming on jenny's behalf to, once again, ask if i'm hungry, i might just jump so.... reconsider." the tone was deadpan, but he couldn't stop the corners of his mouth from turning up at the edges. "unless you're just also looking to escape before mike calls for another round of scattergories in which case.... welcome."

[autball]

Contrary to popular belief, “hating praise” is not just a PDA thing. There are many reasons it could not sit right with someone.

It’s also assumed that people like this just hate all praise, but that’s not true either. What we hate is feeling manipulated, or lied to, or monitored, etc.

I mean, do you realize how much adults are encouraged to use praise to manipulate kids and people in care?? We’re supposed to use it to get more of the behaviors we like, and to promote a “growth mindset,” and to encourage them to stick with activities we think are good for them, and so on and so on.

That’s so much trying to get people to do what we want them to do! Is it really any wonder that praise could end up feeling disingenuous and manipulative after a while? How often are we just genuinely appreciating something they’ve done or who they are as a person, and how are they to know the difference?

If you have someone in your life who reacts badly when you praise them, maybe take a look at your motivations or the way you’re doing it instead of assuming they are the one with the problem. Maybe there’s something like low self esteem or rejection sensitivity skewing their perception, or maybe their perception is just fine and they’re picking up on your ulterior motives (and they don’t appreciate it!).

And please know that you don’t have to withdraw all praise. Everyone wants to feel like they’re good at *something* and that people like what they do. Just wait until it’s wanted, and make sure it’s genuine, with no expectations attached.

[smellslikeonedirection]

.

[callixton]

i am really romance repulsed to an irrational level rn and i feel bad abt it bc my friends being romantically affectionate with each other in front of me literally is not my problem At All and yet even thinking abt it rn makes me feel so uncomfortable

[e114-6i11]

"From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them, and that is eternity."

“I'm almost never serious, and I'm always too serious. Too deep, too shallow. Too sensitive, too cold hearted.

I'm like a collection of paradoxes."

“I am every age

I have ever been.

All time ever does

is pass and all I ever do is remember.”

[katimorton]

I recently saw a video that touched on pathological demand avoidance, also commonly referred to as PDA. Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) is a pattern of behavior in which we go to extremes to ignore or avoid anything they perceive as a demand. Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) is most often seen in people with autism, but certain traits also have been seen with people with ADHD and other sensory processing disorders. In this video I will talk about what PDA is, why it's often searched with ADHD and autism, strategies that can help those with pathological demand avoidance, and what it's like living with PDA. Do you or someone you know live with PDA? Share about your experience in the comments.

[deadrocks]

Hate when a factual inaccuracy takes me out of a fic too thoroughly to continue. It's a me problem, I recognize this, and yet I can't banish it.