#they have this need to want to erase Will from everything

[amiya-shirou]

I genuinely believe Federico is like 90% of the reason why the central themes of emotion, humanity vs seaborn, and human connection actually work, because it would be so easy to completely ruin the message by making it a vehicle for typical "love is what makes us humans" "if you don't feel love and emotion exactly like everyone else does you're not an ACTUAL human with a SOUL!" nonsense, like to the point I'm also anxious I might end up sounding like that every time I try analyzing the seaborn conflict in any way, but thanks to Fede being written the way he is while having such a central role in Zwillingsturme and being so close with and important to Arturia we know that when she says "it has to include everyone" and when the game falls on praising human qualities and the power of human connection they don't mean "everyone who can feel normal human emotion :)" "everyone but they're gonna need to become human" but simply everyone, no one left behind, no one erased. The focus on destroying the barriers between people exists as an answer to oppression and discrimination, to bring humanity together so they can work as a whole to face adversity, not because not feeling empathy the same way Arturia does is "wrong". Even during the piano scene when Fede is shown as unable to understand why music, why art move people the way it does, despite it being a focal point of everything about Arturia and everything about the humans who stand against the Seaborn, it's never presented as a failing on his part, never presented as him being fundamentally incompatible with humanity - in fact that scene is where he learns how to approach emotion from his own angle in his own way as a form of data and it's when he grows as a person and becomes able to use it to better get Arturia despite his difficulty in conveying and "feeling" emotion. He doesn't get Sankta empathy, he values logical understanding over emotional connection, he's joked about from other characters as being more like a robot than a human, he's deliberately written as being an opposite to Arturia's unrestrained empathy, and yet he is the protagonist to Arturia's antagonist role, he is the one who understood her the most and who could support her in the finale, he's the one outsider who cared the most about fixing things in the Monastery while the "proper" Sankta were all busy dealing with their own problems or actively worsening things (hi Oren). His character arc doesn't have anything to do with him starting to "get" emotions like "real people" do but just about starting to ask questions, to find a way forward when his strict adherence to logical reasoning fails him, to interpret why he does what he does and feel the way he does, to understand why things happens and why people act certain ways, and in quite a few scenes that's precisely why he could reach a conclusion others couldn't.

His biggest scene in Hortus involves him refusing to accept Clement's position that just because the only flower left from his garden he had a deep emotional attachment to was a bit damaged and not perfect the way he grew all the others to be, the way he wanted it to be, then its survival is meaningless.

Just because Clement couldn't see the worth in the flower's existence it doesn't mean there was none for anyone.

Just like Federico was the one chosen by the Law amidst countless "perfect" Sankta well accustomed to their supernatural Empathy.

Everyone means everyone.

[nightscythe]

primarchs and their unbalanced love

adapted this request slightly so it wasn't just a sentence and focused more on them. if this didn't meet what you wanted anon, please let me know!

pre-heresy, tw on curze/alpharius for yandere like behaviour // your relationship with the primarch would always be unbalanced because you're just a human. you reach your breaking point and end things.

lion: you’d noticed the looks, sat quietly as another questioned why you were there and the lion chose to glare rather than defend you, seeing it pointless to explain – it had been luther who told you to run far away and never look back, promising that staying within reach of the primarch would never end well for you. he’s stood upon the allure of the fortress, staring down at the people who praised him. loved him, even, seeing the primarch as a saviour to all they knew. though he was never blind to the criticism of the people when it came to him, especially when it’s voiced so clearly to him. he scans the crowd, slowly, taking every face in until he finds you; watching him already, expression numbed, eyes dull, the hint of your soul already faded. he recalls the last words you said to him as your hands clasped gently over his, the universe was not made for our two souls to be together. he’d grabbed your wrist, tried to stop you from walking away from him, but he never got the chance to tell you. then i will strip the universe bare until it allows us to be. instead you saw anger, rage, a vengeance you knew he was capable of, but he never allowed you to see before. his final words were a promise, leave now, before i remind you why the universe wouldn’t allow us to be together. this was his punishment, your eyes finding his whenever he left the four walls he knew you could never enter, a constant reminder of what he never had.

fulgrim: you’d ignored it at first, what some people were willing to do for the primarch, how they’d have killed for him, to be with him, or even just to hear his voice in person – and one person can only overhear so many discussions on how people plan to kill them before they decide a change is needed, even if it hurts more than anything. the seat at the head of his table felt shameful. all eyes on him, wanting, requiring more from him than he was willing to give. he hadn’t looked up from the embroidered and lace-trimmed placemat that his fingers played with in minutes, avoiding the conversation around him. there weren’t many things that could bring him to silence, let alone people. yet you had managed that. likewise, you’d managed to do the impossible and capture the heart of a man made to never have feelings. when he finally looks up from the placemat, eyes darker than before, the room falls to a sharp silence. the only person he can find the strength to look at is you. across the room from him, dressed in the colours he told you looked perfect, though every other part of you was concealed from him. your eyes never leave the floor, even as the silence continues. of course i’m afraid, you had told him when he approached you, cowering from his larger frame. the image was burned into his mind, torturing him each hour. i would protect you from everything, he reassured you, there is not a thing on this earth that could harm you whilst i still live. he can still feel the way your hand slipped out of his as you turned your back to him. from your father? you had asked, voice hollow, from yourself? fulgrim never answered. the room eventually starts to speak again as fulgrim looks back down to the placemat. only then do you dare to look back at him. 

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perty: it was never that you didn’t trust him, but you knew he would never believe that – you’d learnt of what he had done to those who failed him, asked him one too many questions and seen the side of him that everyone had feared but you hadn’t yet seen. he believed he’d ensured that you were erased from every record related to him. believed he’d never see your face again, never hear your voice, embrace your smile, or enjoy your laughter filling the halls. weeks had passed without any part of your presence, and he believed he needed it, yet every step he took his soul felt lonelier than before. he’d thought he’d heard your voice a few times, chased the sound down empty hallways to find nothing but the ghosts of his memories. he believed today was no different when he heard your call from one of the rooms; one which sounded so real it stopped him in his tracks. he waited, listened, wanted to hear more – a wish which was fulfilled within seconds and has him tracking down the source. he almost stumbles through the doorway where the sound is loudest, catching himself on the stone frame but still garnering your attention. you don’t speak, not even as the woman opposite to you bows and offers her apologies. but the longer your gaze is locked, the more his nostrils flare, the tighter his jaw tenses. leave, he tells you, coldly, lest i remind you how quickly i can have you removed for good. you only nod, slowly, stepping back from him quietly and dragging your eyes down to the ground. he waits, watches, hears your voice tell him how you felt unsure of your place within these walls. when you look up to him one last time, he feels the snarl at the back of his throat. if you did not feel safe then, why would you feel safe now? he questions. why would you trust me now? 

khan: you’d watched men die, seen how expendable life was with your own eyes, and seen how quickly he had moved past it, leaving only one thought on your mind – that you must have been just as expendable as everyone else he stood over. the hardest part of all was accepting it. he sat with a handful of his sons around, none daring to look at their primarch who had scarcely looked beyond the spot right in front of him for the past two days. all he did was think. about this, about him, about you. it could never go beyond that though, he never was able to find peace in his own thoughts nor in the conversation with others. but you had come on your own volition, hearing of the primarch’s unusual silence amongst other gossip from the crowds, and when he saw you in front of him, slowly coming to rest on your knees, it was the first time he found the right words to say out loud. you’re wrong about everything, he says, not giving you a moment to speak. you nod, once, though you do not speak. he fills the space between you with more necessary words. i would not make a promise so lightly if i did not know it could be fulfilled. but i assure you, with everything i could offer, that your life will never be in danger so long as i live. your silence is excruciating, the throbbing in his body getting quicker and quicker as he waits for your answer. but it never seems to come. but if you cannot trust me that i will make true on my promise, then i shall not ask anymore of you, but to remember how deeply i cared for you.  

leman: he had tried his best to keep you separate, despite the loyalty his sons offered and how deep their bond went – but when you’d started to understand why he was called the executioner, why his legion was known to be so deadly, and when you discovered everything he had been responsible in the name of his father, you realised that you would never have been spared. his body ached. he’d thrown himself into any situation he could, begged that the all father would bless him with something that could knock him out cold and give him some breathing room for just a few moments. every single one of his thoughts was about the same thing. doubt. of himself, of his capabilities, of anything he had ever considered a strength. each time raised his weapon and bared his teeth, your words took over his mind. you will never be enough. his mind falls silent to what you had actually told him. you do not have it in you to stand up to your loyalties over a mere human. you could not betray everything you know, everything you stand for, just because they disagree with me, or do not want me, or think i am unworthy. he didn’t want you to be right about it. and as he stood there, broke another man’s bones without even thinking, he realised he still couldn’t argue against you. the thump of a body hitting the ground forces him to tear his sight back to reality, focus shifting from the cheers around him, to the man laying before him, to your eyes at the back of the room, never looking away. you would never be unworthy, he’d told you before, a sentiment still felt, i wouldn’t care what anyone said about you, it is only me who gets to decide if you are worthy to be at my side. you’d smiled softly then, just as you are now. only until someone tells you i can’t be. 

dorn: you had gotten used to all his quirks, you’d grown to love it over time, and it was nothing in particular that had pushed you to your limit other than time – when you looked at him one day, you allowed yourself to wonder for too long what it might look like if he stopped loving you, and there was no space at his side for you. it took him longer than usual to process your words. far too long, in fact, because by the time he’d looked up to you, you were already walking away, your bow in his direction and a mumbled apology lost within his conscious thoughts. he watches you walk away from him, only taking a few steps towards you when you near the end of the long room, but freezing immediately when you turn back to him, only looking over your shoulder. you should know that i will always love you, you tell him, sigh leaving your lips as you turn to face the exiting doors once more. you take a step, slower than before, and that’s when he decides to finally speak. i will try harder, he promises, moving towards you again, whatever you need from me, say the word, i will do it. because i… he stops, both his words and his movements. you turn back to him again, this time fully, lips gapped and eyes clouded. his jaw tenses for just a moment as he finds the words, knowing already that they weren’t enough. i would do anything for you, to consolidate the love i have for you. won’t you let me have that chance? you shake your head slowly; you’ve already told him it was out of his control. won’t you at least let me try? he asks again. it wouldn’t have mattered, even if you did. not many things in the world made him feel powerless, other than you. 

curze: there was always whispers of what he was capable of, always a forgotten story of what he had done before, and you’d still fallen into his charm with open arms – realising soon that the real enemy within was the legion he had also grown to hate, but that didn’t mean you were able to leave . the room was cold, dark. everything he loved to have, especially seeing as you’re sat on the floor in the corner, wide eyes watching him with your knees pulled into your chest. he can’t help the way a grin creeps back onto his face as he approaches. did you miss me? he asks, gently, stopping only a foot or so away from you. he crouches down to your level, reaching out a hand to trace over your own. he sighs, content as you don’t pull away from him this time. i thought of you every moment. i wondered if you were thinking of me too. he leans forward, face closer to yours, hand reaching for your chin when you try to look away. i made a promise to you, my little dove. do you recall? he waits, though never expects an answer. not when your lips are quivering, body shaking. he only smiles, reaching around to drape his cloak over you as if it was the cold causing your reaction. i promised you that i would make this work. that you would never need to leave me, that you did not need to fear for anyone near me any longer. and where are we now? another silence falls between you. one enjoyed, revered. you’re with me, and you’re safe from any harm. he’d chosen to ignore himself in that equation, though. 

sanguinius: despite his sweetness, how he touched you as though you were the softest feather, you knew what followed behind him – when you became a target as well and realised that your life was in danger unless you were always at his side, you knew it had reached its limit. it never mattered that he’d commanded armies, that he’d survived impossible feats, that he was beloved by the imperium and treasured by all as the great angel that was impossibly perfect in all ways. something inside of him had broken, snapped clean in two as the weight of every emotion fell to him at once, overwhelming him beyond anything else he had felt. don’t walk away, he called, halting your steps with the tone of his voice alone. you turned, slowly, faced by his figure that approached you far quicker that you could ever run. is my love not enough for you? do you desire more? every part of me is yours already, yet you still choose to leave me? his voice shakes, words falling rather than being spoken. he drops to his knees before you, never reaching for you, yet begging with eyes that were bloodshot and shattered. i could protect you from anything this universe has to offer, he affirms to you, hands clasped together, i would stand before anything in existence that posed you harm, but that is not enough. he feels the corners of his eyes prick with a feeling unknown, and only then does he reach for your hand and bring it to his cheek, his own hand placed over your own. tell me what more i must do to prove to you that this isn’t a mistake. 

ferrus: his obsession with perfection had sat with you for far too long – you were human, weak, easily killed and willed away, so you knew that one day he’d turn you into something he considered stronger, better, even if he didn’t realise what he was doing. he’d found himself alone far more often since you’d gone. sometimes when he reached for tools on his bench, he expected to feel you instead, sometimes he’d hear the door open and look expectedly as if you were the one walking through the door. though it never was you; not your hand reaching for his when he was trying to do something else, not your cheerful greeting as you approached him. your missed presence was something he understood, but with each day that passed he only wanted to isolate himself more from others too. it all reminded him of you. especially those words that tormented him the most. i am just another weakness that will need correcting. he slams down his hammer harder than before, the sound running your voice straight out of his head. he could have told you that you weren’t a weakness. he could have denied it entirely, but he knew it would be a lie. others could perceive you as such, others would look upon the human at their primarch’s side and wonder why. instead, all he told you was that he wouldn’t correct you, not when he saw nothing for him to change. he let you go, let you walk out of the last space where you felt any safety around him, without telling you what he truly felt. you were already perfect, he speaks to no one, unable to find the strength to continue his work, i never wanted to change a thing about you. though he knew at the bottom of his heart that he may have needed to. 

angron: his mind fracturing wasn’t something you had no awareness of, and you believed that somewhere along the way you had been able to help – but the time he had killed another in front of you was the turning point, even if you claimed it was the whole legion. he had seen the way you always approached corners with caution, how you kept your voice quiet, how seeing you when doors were locked from the outside world was entirely different to having you stand amongst a crowd of people who claimed their support for him. it was his naivety or arrogance that led to ignorance each time, opting to let it pass without issue or never ask what caused it. not until you’d told him, quiet with him for the first time since he knew you, avoiding eye contact and hiding yourself when he drew near, that it was all too much for you. it could never happen, he tells you, pleading as he approaches you, i would never allow a soul here to touch you, to even look at you without welcome. he didn’t understand it fully still, how you believed such harm could come from those around him. or perhaps he did now, and again it was ignorance in the way. what is worse is that you did not come to me about this before, that you waited until the very end to speak a word of your worries and gave me no time to fix them. he sighs, still intent on changing your mind, ready to wage a war in your name if he had to. as he approaches you, reaches his hand towards your shoulder, he notices the way you flinch away. his brows furrow, eyes drifting to his hand before falling on you again. he didn’t understand, because he never realised the extent of it all. it is not just them, he speaks quieter than before, realisation a slow but heavy hit, you find reason to fear me, too.

rob: it wasn’t a quick realisation, but something that built with time; he was never committed, despite what he claimed to feel, and he never reciprocated past your hidden meetings away from the world he lived the rest of the day. he wasn’t mindful of how long had passed since he’d made his way outside to feel… something. he wasn’t sure what he needed, but staring at screens and seeing your reflection, sitting in thrones and wondering if you would approach him, it wasn’t helping. he remembered the last time you stood beside him, watching the stars quietly, you both enjoying company more than anything. but in a moment he wished to declare something forbidden in the eyes of many, you’d looked up to him with the most delicate of smiles and carried their views. this cannot continue, you’d whispered, softly, echoing the thoughts that had first crossed his mind, if i could make a wish for anything, it would be for this, for us, but… he’d reached for your hand before you could continue, noticed the way your eyes became glassy. let me make that wish come true, he’d offered, as sincere as he could be, it will not be easy, but i will make things as they need to be to ensure that this does not need to end. your privacy, your safety, it will be kept through every moment, i can ensure you as much. your smile began to fade as you answered, i don’t wish to be hidden, not at your detriment. he wishes he’d have tried harder, stopped you from walking away, or just confessed to you that this was more than just affection. it was never a detriment, not for someone i love. perhaps you’d hear his unspoken words when you looked at the stars, too. 

morty: he’d never changed, and you had loved it for him once, until you understood that mercy had never been something he wanted to offer, nor would learn to – and it reminded you that he was someone to be feared. he’s stood in a doorway watching you. hasn’t moved in minutes, maybe longer, never letting his eyes go further than just past where you’re sitting. if he moved, if he spoke, if he dared to even breathe every part of him would shatter in the reality that you had brought to him. no asking, no talking, just the simple words that he trusted you to never say to him, because you’d always promised him that he was enough. please try to understand, you say gently, eliciting nothing more than a scowl in response, i’m worried, i feel fear just treading the ground around you, afraid someone may take it the wrong way or see me in a different way to how you see me. he looks down from your eyes for merely a second, just long enough for everything inside to crumble. do you not think that’s selfish? he doesn’t move closer, doesn’t try to approach you. do you not think that you could have tried harder, just for me? his chest burns as you look away from him sorrowfully, but unlike him, you never look back. it never ceases to amaze me how similar all you humans are. he still doesn’t turn, even as his words turn sour. do you not think i worry too? i see your vulnerability, i consider it with every decision i make, every step i take, and you still wouldn’t believe that was enough. his laugh is bitter, a frail cover for the emptiness within, something only you had been able to fill, and seal away by a promise he wasn’t sure he could keep. go, but know that if i ever see you again, you will be treated no differently than everyone else, then you will truly know fear.  

magnus: you knew of his power, understood what he was capable of, never once feared for your life around him – but the whispers in your dreams telling you to move on only became louder, and so did the vision of your death at his hands. the only room he can sit in without memories beginning to haunt him is one you never touched. a small room that had been filled with old books and relics, now cleared so he could sit inside and feel freedom for five minutes of the day. your absence caused him more pain that he could admit to, let alone handle, but he had forced himself to leave you to the peace you wanted in the hopes that maybe you’d understand what it was like without him. his allocated five minutes of freedom are over before he hopes and he’s forced back into the emptiness that the rest of tizca brought him. as he walks the halls, he replays fragments of your words to him. i do trust you, beyond anything, but this is far bigger than just you or i. he’d contemplated the consequences of giving everything up. you could not prevent fate, even if you wished to. but he would always try. love was never meant to exist between us. those words stop him completely. his hands are curled into fists at his side, breathing deepening to the point where he can barely feel reality around him. he doesn’t have time to realise what’s changed, not until he can feel you with him, presence alluring as he feels your discontent, your sadness, filling every crack of time and space between you both. he’s not there, not physically, but he sees you turn to him as though you know he’s there. let me try to make it work between us, he asks, quietly, never expecting a return. it never could work, you answer, we were not made for each other. 

horus: of course there was talks about it, you’d heard of the intention to make him warmaster the second it had reached prying ears – and it was in that moment, you realised you could never stay with him. the feeling didn’t sit right with him, not when he knew you were right there yet entirely untouchable to him. he could bring planets to heel, he could crusade in the name of his father, but he couldn’t convince you that love was enough. it had sat on his mind for days as he tried to come up with a speech to change your mind, have you fall to your knees and accept him like he always wanted. the speech never came, the opportunity to approach you never manifested, not until he saw you speaking with a face he didn’t recognise within the grand hall one evening. weeks of stewed emotions and feelings seem to hit him at once as he approached you, ending your conversation as another person bowed to him. i don’t know how to change things, he tells you, honestly, eyes never leaving your own despite how they dart around the room. if i couldn’t convince you then, i won’t be able to convince you now. but that doesn’t change how deeply my love burns for you. he doesn’t care if others heard, but he knows you do. so tell me how i can make this work. what do you need from me?  you can’t answer him immediately, swallowing hard and breaths quick. you open your lips just a little, then shut them once more, looking down to the ground. he knows your answer; you’ve told him before. i need you to not be you.  

lorgar: you had been warned by many, knowing the threat you posed to their regime, knowing that you had taken the primarch’s attention away from what should truly matter – and revenge was promised. he believed this was his punishment. he had let his devotion slip and focused his attentions elsewhere, and his reward was replaced with a love that could never be returned. he kneels at an altar as his eyes fall shut. immediately he’s tormented by the ghost of your hands on his skin, pressing over his shoulder, skimming his chest; or your lips pressed softly against his neck. then he hears the echoes of a whisper, what was left of your presence in his world. i could never love another as much as i love you. his lips curl at each word. he’d replay it a thousand times over and over, never to be sick of the sound. but then it falls eerily silent, his mind pushed to another time he had tried so hard to hide. you cannot love me, you’d told him, words cutting through any remainer of the faith he held, not in the way that i love you, not in the way that anyone could love you. he opens his eyes, darkness of the room around him a greeting he wished never came. but your words don’t stop. your life has never been decided by you. he can feel how you sat in his lap and whispered it to him. i was never to be part of your life. i’ve become a variable that they cannot control. if i stay… you had never finished, but he knew. he’d watched you walk away, he’d reached out his hand to stop you but never called. was it better this way? he asks, call to the void ignored by all around him. do you truly believe love is only dictated to me? his world may have been controlled by others, but what he felt for you. 

vulkan: an offhanded comment was made, not by the astartes, not even by anyone close to the primarch, but a serf who was yet to know their place – and though it should mean nothing, the mention of your humanity is a harsh reminder of how separate your worlds were. the silence looming through the room was unnatural. if anyone had entered his private chamber, they’d have known he was mourning; not someone lost, but something gone. quietude was a welcomed guest around him for some time, the only break offered being a forced schedule or something he wished to not attend. but he knew his duties were not to be missed. do not think for a second i doubted you, he recalled you telling him, stood no more than a few feet from where he now sat. your love is true and i know that, but i also know that you are more than i could ever be. he hated how all he did was listen. how he agreed; how he let you walk away from him with little more than a kiss to the back of his hand and a request of a promise for him to try to understand. he did, somewhere beyond the depths of his emotions, but he also knew that to him, you were everything. you would never see that though. you would never have believed him when he told you that he would make sure your authority matched his, that no one would ever stand up to you or question your place. in every other lifetime we’d have found each other, he’d spoken quietly the last time he felt your warmth, i’d have given all of those away to have a chance to be with you in this one. 

corvus: you’d first noticed the way his attention seemed to always divert to you, but the moment you watched him make a mistake because of you, it was obvious your time at his side was limited. at first he was worried you’d be able to feel his presence. he wondered whether you’d see him in the corner of your eyes, hear his footsteps you knew so well, understand that your shadow wasn’t the only thing that had been following you this whole time. he shouldn’t be here, he should have given you the space you wanted and left you to what you had chosen, but the temptation was far too high for him to ignore it. whether you were doing the simplest tasks or something he chose to pay no attention to, he wanted to see it. he wanted you. and he truly thought he had gotten away with it, that his cover in the darkness of night and shadows was enough to keep him hidden away, prevent you from noticing the fear that lurked beyond. but as he turned into the alley where you had walked only moments ago, it was your smaller frame that stopped him with a hand held up to his chest. this only proves my point, you say to him, glare harsher than he expected, this is what i was afraid of. he only reaches for your hand to take it off him, chest already filled with anticipation and regret. i promised you your safety, he tries to tell you, his excuse meaningless. it was never that which you cared about. you were caught off-guard by a mere human in pursuit of me. the longer i’m around, the more of a danger you are to yourself. he never said you were wrong. he just didn’t want to admit you were right. 

alpharius: you’d found the collection of information that the alpha legion had on you, and believed there was no way you could ever live your normal life again – but you hadn’t stopped to consider if it really was the legion you were at risk of. watches you closely, head tilted slightly to the side. your happiness has faded, he can see it in the way you carry yourself so rigidly, tensing whenever anyone comes near. he sees the way your eyes scan the room like you’re waiting for something to surprise you; someone to be there that you were trying to desperately to avoid. he feels the smile falling onto his lips as he begins to approach, cautiously, truly believing that his surprise would be welcomed. as the room fell silent, you froze, and the grin that manifested on his lips only grew. are you okay, my love? he asks, hand on your back, tensed under his touch. you didn’t look to him, but he could feel all your attention on him already. i must applaud you on how convincing this all was. i did truly think that you had left. no one would dare question him, no matter how much fear was in your eyes. when you told me you were leaving, i’ll admit i was worried. but that i remembered that everything you said to me, how you were worried of what my father would do, or what my legion may say, or what my brothers might have done to you… it was all wrong. he reaches for your cheek, turning you to face him. his thumb ghosts your skin. he hums gently as he breathes in. it was an interesting way to test me, i will give you that much. perhaps not even a test of my loyalty, but this connection between us. i just wonder, my love, when did you realise that the only person you needed to fear was me?

i am getting on top of requests i promise, i've been very distracted with both catching pokemon and the nameless king, whose love i have rediscovered through nightreign, but the corvus fic is almost done ^^

[redfoxwritesstuff]

A Misdemeanor Of The Heart: Chapter 58 (Human Alastor x Widowed Reader)

CW: smut. Just smut. So much smut.  AN: Upcoming bonus chapter Wednesday next week thanks to Lady! Prev__ Welcome Post__ AO3__ KoFi Want a bonus chapter on Wednesday? Unlock it via KoFi updates! More information here

You blinked up at Alastor as he towered over you. The way he looked at you, eyes full of hunger- should have made you feel ashamed. Questions died on your tongue as you watched him wrap his hand around his shaft. 

Had you ever seen Alastor stroke himself without prompting? Had he ever shown any desire in doing so? You didn’t understand his lack of selfish desire, but you knew that this differed from the Alastor you had experienced, learned pleasure from in the last few months. 

You could see red streaks in the shiny slick that coated his manhood. He smeared it around his skin, not at all bothered by the blood. He told you once you healed, you wouldn’t bleed anymore when laying with him. When you looked at his considerable size, you struggled to believe it. 

“Alastor?” You shifted, the weight of his eyes running over you suffocating. What you needed was him to lay back down atop you, to push himself inside you, and make you feel whole again, for the first time in your adult life. “Please?” 

You were still so afraid of your own body. A shiver ran down your spine as your hand worked lower. You wanted him. If you didn’t have him inside of you again, you were going to cry or go mad. 

Your folds were as slick as you remembered them being. You spread your thighs slightly, giving yourself more room to work as you struggled to replicate the pleasure Alastor gave you. 

“You’re so beautiful like this,” Alastor said, running the hand not stroking his slick covered member up your thigh. “So needy for me.” 

“Only you,” you sighed, fingers slipping into your opening. There was nothing you could do that was close to making you feel as whole as Alastor did. “Only with you.” 

“Yes,” Alastor wrapped his hands around your waist and pulled you toward the edge of the bed. “Only with me, from now on.” 

The blunt head of his cock nudged your fingers as he lined up with your opening. There were things he needed to be doing right now. He needed to figure out what to do with the stiffening body of your husband and the blood drying on the floor.

All he could think about actually doing in that moment was pushing himself deep inside you again and having the very thing that was destined to be his. Laurence could wait. Alastor would leave his mark one more time inside the woman who should have never belonged to another. 

Your fingers slipped out of your opening as Alastor worked his way inside, making their way up to the bundle of nerves that was begging for stimulation. Your face heated as you worked your fingers over the nub, heart beating in your chest, as his eyes watched you.

It was a show he didn’t ask for, that he didn’t direct you to put on for him. It felt right, however. It was everything Alastor had taught you. 

“Good girl,” Alastor purred as he pushed his cock deeper inside you, filling you. 

There were things he needed to tend to, but right now, you were so needy for him. He would take you, give you pleasure in a bed that you only knew pain in. He would erase the memory of Laurence’s touch. 

Then he would see that erasing Laurence from your life wouldn’t see the two of you landing in jail. Your back arched off the bed as Alastor filled you, his cock pressing up against your walls in an angle you had never experienced before, at least not willingly.

It was different while you were wanting, wet and needing Alastor. Everything felt so much different, so much better. He filled you, spreading your walls wider and deeper. Stinging pain tinged the pleasure, but all you could think about was how good it felt to have the man you loved inside you. 

“You’re so pretty, babe’.” The accent fell from his voice as his warm words wrapped around you. “I can see how deep I reach.” 

“What?” Your eyes fluttered, caught between wanting to hide from him and see the way he looked at you. 

He guided your hand up from where your fingers were pinned between his body and your clit, running your hand along the dip in your abdomen. He kept his hand over yours as he withdrew from your body. When he pushed back inside, you could feel him. 

“Oh.” You choked on the sound as he thrust into you faster and faster. The pressure of his hand atop yours made the pleasure sharper. Each slap of his pubic bone into your sensitive nub of nerves sparked another type of pleasure that mixed with the first. 

It didn’t take long for Alastor’s harsh pace and the pressure of his hand to have your toes curling. He shifted, throwing one of your legs over his shoulder as he continued, moving into you faster and harder as he used one hand wrapped around your thigh as leverage. 

His other hand never left your stomach, keeping the pressure on your hand, ensuring you were aware of how deep he touched you with each thrust. Your fingers curled, nails digging into his wrist as your body broke. Each wave of muscle spasms had you fighting to lift your hips off the bed. 

Your body gripped Alastor with such power. It dared him to withhold his seed. Today, he would give in. He would give your body what it was begging for. He would mark you his, again, from the inside. 

“Ah,” he gasped as a particularly powerful clench of your walls turned his brutal pace sloppy. “Darlin’.”

He folded over you, holding your leg to his chest as he chased his own release. Each thrust hit you with such power, you jerked on the bed. It hurt your sensitive walls in a way that left you wanting more. You belonged to him. He was making you his. 

He came with a cry of your name on his lips, a deep and guttural sound that made your core clench around his twitching cock as his rhythm faltered. Each thrust shot more of his essence deep inside you, held in place while his lips clashed against yours, muffling his growl of ownership. 

You didn’t mind. Alastor was who you wanted to belong to. He was who you needed to be with. It was meant to be. 

Only when his heart rate slowed did he stand back up, pulling himself from you. The emptiness you felt as his cock fell from your body was crushing, threatening to bring tears to your eyes. More than anything, it shook you how it caught you by surprise. 

“Beautiful,” Alastor said, eyes trained on your folds, taking in the way his seed leaked from you, tinged red in a way that he could forgive this time. There was no denying the way you desired him from the moment he started in the bath to now. 

He almost didn’t hear your sniffle as you fought back tears. His eyes softened as he met yours. “Oh, Cher,” he breathed, sitting on the bed and gathering your naked form into his arms. 

“I’m sorry,” you sniffled out, feeling very much like a child. “I’m not- I don’t regret-” 

“I know,” Alastor cooed, “I know. It’s a lot, isn’t it? The first few times with someone you love- it can feel overwhelming.” 

“Is that it?” You shivered, wiping the tears from your eyes as you curled into Alastor’s cold, naked body. Long fingers stroked down your back, relaxing you more and more with each pass of his fingers down your spine. 

“How are you feeling, my love?” There was a tinge of ownership to how he said the last two words. You liked it. It felt good to know you belonged to Alastor now, at least in private, and never to another. 

“Better.” 

“Good!” Alastor’s voice turned cheery, radio ready as he squeezed your side, earning a laugh from you. “We’ve got much to do! Much to do, indeedy.” 

With those words, the reality of why you were free crashed through the cloud you were floating on, plunging you back to earth. Alastor set you on the bed again and stood, taking a moment to stretch the limbs sore limbs before placing another kiss against your lips. 

“Alastor, what are we going to do?” 

“Well,” he spoke, looking over his shoulder as he opened your wardrobe. “First, we’re going to put some clothes on. Then we’re going to look through his office and see what we can find. Does anyone know you’ve been home today?” 

“What?” You wrapped your arms around yourself, feeling timid about standing naked in a room that has only brought pain to you when you were vulnerable before now. You could feel the wetness run down your thigh, pink tinged with fresh blood, Alastor’s seed ran from you.

“Here,” Alastor offered you a small handkerchief, clearly worn and tattered from the folded stack. “If someone were willing to say they’d spent the day with you today, would anyone have reason to question that?” 

“No?” You ran the cloth up the inside of your thighs as Alastor picked out the dress he had purchased for you seemingly forever ago. “I’m not sure anyone would lie for me, though. I don’t-”

“It’s ripped.” Alastor seethed, fingers running over the rip in the shoulder seam. It was a small enough rip that Laurence hadn’t allowed you to go out to have it mended. 

“I- I’m sorry, Alastor. I wanted to have it mended. I did. He just-” 

Alastor cut you off with a shake of his head and returned the dress to your wardrobe, grabbing another out. “It’s not like you had a choice.” 

“I cried a lot over that rip,” you confessed as Alastor handed you a slip as well. 

“I’ll see that it’s mended,” Alastor said, smiling over his shoulder at you as you let teh silky fabric of the slip fall down your body. “Did he have anything that won’t be missed from his closet I can wear?” 

You hummed in answer, walking in your slip over to the chest of drawers that held most of your newly late husband’s clothes as Alastor walked out of the room seemingly indifferent to his nakedness. Nothing of Laurence’s wouldn’t fit Alastor, not properly at least and even less so when accounting for the oddly fitted nature of his shirts and trousers. 

There was a pair of pants tucked away that Laurence had yet to give up on. They were tighter in the waist than the others. That would have to be good enough. As you grabbed a brown shirt from the wardrobe, Alastor returned with his suspenders in hand. 

“Thank you, darlin’,” Alastor said, voice as warm and naked as the rest of him. Would you get to hear his voice like that more, now that Laurence was gone? You hoped so. It was your favorite sound in the world. 

He stepped into the pants easily, quickly covering his nakedness. You were somehow both sad to see the sight of him go and relieved, as if it somehow put away the time for laying together so that you could move forward and deal with… the mess. 

Alastor shrugged into the shirt as the pants struggled to hold on to his hips. You watched, bemused to see Alastor in your husband’s shirt. You could see the stain on the cuff, left by your blood, a memory of some blow you took years ago. It was easy to miss, blending into the brown of the shirt easily if you didn’t know it was there. 

“Something wrong?” Alastor asked, watching you as you floated on your thoughts instead of stepping into your dress. 

“It’s strange to see you wearing his clothes,” you said as you stepped up to Alastor, resting your hands on his chest. 

His heart thumped lightly under your fingertips. For a few short moments, you enjoyed the simple reassurance that he was there, and real. Whatever would come, Alastor would be with you. 

His large hand wrapped around yours, pulling it up from his bare chest so that he could place a soft kiss on your palm. He held your hand to his cheek, his other hand resting on your waist in a light embrace. 

Only when you were reassured again did Alastor let you go, returning to buttoning the pilfered shirt. He rolled the cuffs of the too short sleeves up, letting the fabric bunch around his elbow. The legs of the pants were too high, but there wasn’t anything Alastor could do to make that look less obvious. 

His suspenders did much of the work of keeping his pants up. Alastor always had a bit of a boyish air about him. You knew he was a good few years or so your elder, but seeing him like this? It made him look even more boyish than the smile he usually wore did. 

“What is it now?” Alastor’s head cocked to the side, drying curls bouncing with the movement. 

“You’re handsome,” you said, standing on the very tips of your toes to place a kiss on his neck. That was as close to kissing his cheek as you could get with his considerable height. He wouldn’t let that stand, however, taking the chance to dip down and steal a kiss of his own from your lips. 

“And you, Cher, are a vision of beauty.” Alastor hummed as he slipped a pair of Laurence’s socks on. He’d rather have his shoes, but the risk of leaving bloody footprints without noticing was far from worth it. “Would you be a dear and get a bucket of hot water and a rag and meet me in the hall?” 

You nodded, finally finishing the task of getting dressed. Alastor rummaged around the bedroom, listening to the sound of your footprints as you made your way down the hall. 

He didn’t like the idea of leaving you alone right now. It was too soon after the kill to know how you’d really react when he wasn’t feeding you reassurance and distractions. The last thing he needed was for you to crumble. 

But the day was at risk of turning long and he still hadn’t the slightest clue exactly how the hell he was going to get himself and you out of this mess. For a moment, he let his shoulders hang. He ran his hands over his face, pushing his fingers up and through the wild curls of his still damp hair. 

“Fuck.” The curse was soft, spoken under his breath in the moment before he pulled his shoulders back up and forced himself back together. 

He was sloppy. That’s how he got the both of you in this situation. Letting the stress of it get to his head would only make him sloppier. 

At the bottom of a drawer, he found a paper bag. It looked to have come from a pharmacy, though he didn’t recognize the name printed on it. What mattered most was that it was big enough to fit your dress in it. 

“First things first,” he continued to speak under his breath, walking out of the bedroom as he opened the bag. 

Downstairs, he could hear the water running. What he didn’t hear was any screaming or sobbing. You were humming softly while you waited. 

Were you really alright? Or was it just shock? 

He didn’t have time to dwell on the question. 

He shoved the blood-soaked dress from the bathroom floor into the bag. Your stockings followed along with your slip. Nothing was salvageable. His clothes were in a far less desperate state. Trying to save them was not worth the risk, though. Instead, he used his shirt to clean the blood from your shoes. 

It wasn’t perfect, but he had no choice but to hope they would assume you stepped in the blood if anyone looked. Whatever plan he came up with, he had to hope it was good enough, solid enough, that no one would look at you. 

“Alastor?” you called from the hallway, timid. 

“Comin’,” he answered, stepping into the hall with the clothes in his arms. “The furnace is lit?” 

“Yes,” you kept your back to Laurence’s office. The door was still open and inside it… a scene. 

“Good,” Alastor nodded, smile soft on his lips. “I’m going to burn our clothes if you want to get started in the bathroom?” 

“Wh- what should I do?” You hesitated, wanting nothing more than to cling to Alastor. 

“Clean up anything red. There shouldn’t be much.” Alastor saw the way a shudder ran down your spine. 

You were oh so close to falling apart. He couldn’t hold you, not right this second. Instead, he settled on dipping down and placing a longing kiss on your lips, teeth nipping the soft skin.

He needed that to be enough to hold you together. It had to be enough. 

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[glorified-red]

If the batfam were the seven deadly sins , which one would each of them be

Ooooo I LOVE this question! Thank you so much for asking!

The BatBoys as the Seven Deadly Sins

word count: 650~ warnings: none I've been reading Ana Huang's Kings of Sin series so this is mildly inspired by that. This is the worst of the BatBoys, and who they turn into if left unchecked.

Bruce Wayne: Greed

Greed describes an excessive desire and insatiable longing for more, even when one's needs are already met.

Greed can be for material wealth, power, status, etc.

Bruce's greed comes from the desire to better Gotham and the belief that he's the only one who can do it.

He's a workaholic, addicted to the job and the power that comes from the Batman title.

At his worst, Bruce can be power-hungry, prepared to dismantle other heros to ensure the world is secure.

While his material wealth is shared to charity, it doesn't stop him from wanting to become more powerful and stronger to be a better hero.

No matter how many villains he defeats, he desires for more action, more gratification, and more villains to put away.

He will never rest even when his job is done.

Dick Grayson: Lust

While often associated with sexual desire, lust describes an excessive craving for something to the point of being uncontrollable.

At his worst, Dick craves affection, he craves attention, and he craves freedom.

He will do anything for validation and the love that comes from others.

He aims to please, even at the cost of himself and his own needs.

His lust is disordered as he craves love with little regard to his own boundaries.

He aches for touch, laughter, praise, and human connection, and he'll all but destroy himself in order to satitate that desire.

Jason Todd: Wrath

Wrath is described as uncontrollable anger, rage, or hatred; a desire for vengeance.

Wrath can cloud the mind and lead to a loss of reason, a loss of self-control, and a loss of humanity.

At his lowest point, Jason is blinded by his rage and lets it destroy his life and his loved ones.

His wrath will corrupt his senses until all he sees is his next target.

At his worst, Jason forgets morals and values to become the monster everyone believes he is.

Why bother fighting the rage if everyone just thinks you're going to lose anyway?

He'll let the pit take over until he blacks out so he doesn't even have to feel guilty about the people he's hurting.

He's sure they deserve it anyway.

Tim Drake: Envy

Envy is described as a resentment or sadness for someone else's good fortune and the want to have that for oneself.

Envy is rooted in insecurity and the fear that another person's success will erase one's own.

At his worst, Tim hates the successes of those around him.

He hates how perfect Dick is, how much Jason gets away with, and how much everyone defends Damian.

He hates that he will never feel like he fits into the family the same way the others do.

He was never chosen, he had to force his way into the family when his own didn't even want him.

And if they're here, that means there's no space for him anymore.

He's no longer needed.

He's invisible.

He envies that no one else feels this way.

Damian Wayne: Pride

Pride is described as the excessive love of one's own excellence which leads them to prioritize their own wants and desires.

Damian has always been stubborn and self-obsessed.

He was a well-bred, well-trained assassin.

He was groomed for the mantle and perfect for the title, no one else could ever compare to his own skillset.

He's the perfect robin, the blood heir, and the true son of Batman.

He's a king among men.

At his worst, his hubris will lead him to discredit those around him.

He must be perfection, and no one else could ever teach him how to be better unless they were the best.

Even so, Damian will become better, until he overcomes everything and becomes the best, the golden child.

He has to be.

No one will accept him otherwise.

Taglist ♡

@anothertimdrakestan

@bungunz

@red-hood-redemption

@missredrobin

[maxdibert]

The maradeurs fans are so obsessed with diversity that they forget that being part of a marginalized community doesn't necessarily mean you are a better person. Like, they need to make their favorite characters gay or poc, and Snape can only be a cishet white man, as if that somehow makes it morally acceptable to bully him. That's not how it works. Diversity doesn't give you goodness points.

I mean, if they truly believe that Snape was a despicable person who was racist from the beginning, with no redeeming qualities... then he can be all of that, and also be black and/or queer. And if they insist the maradeurs' bullying was no big deal, or that Snape deserved it... then his race or sexual orientation shouldn't be relevant. They are the ones who are defending that bullying is okay under certain circumstances, so they gotta own up to that.

The problem isn’t that they actually want diversity —which would be great if it were honest— it’s that they use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card to excuse the crap their favorite characters pull. Suddenly James is queer, Sirius is Latino, Remus is trans, all so they can pretend that systematically bullying a marginalized, poor kid for seven years was somehow “less bad��� because they were oppressed too. As if belonging to a minority gives you a VIP pass to be an asshole to someone more vulnerable. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work like that.

What’s worse is they don’t even realize they’re weaponizing serious stuff like race and sexuality only when it helps clean up their faves’ reputations. But God forbid they consider that Severus could’ve been racialized, queer, neurodivergent, or anything else, because that would blow up their little narrative of “he was just a misogynistic, incel supremacist who had it coming.” And yeah if it turned out Severus was part of a minority too, their tired excuse of “they bullied him because he was a bigot” would fall apart. Because no, darlings, they bullied him because he was a poor, awkward kid with no social clout, no rich daddy, no famous surname, and because James was bored and could.

And the hypocrisy is unreal, they’ll claim they’re against bullying, against oppression, against everything… but they’ll justify literal public torture in the middle of the Hogwarts courtyard because the one doing it is hot and gay in their headcanon. And then they cry when someone dares to point out that maybe Severus had a reason to grow up bitter when four rich brats made his life hell with the staff looking the other way. It’s always the same: you only want diversity when it helps whitewash your faves’ crap, but if it means admitting your precious marauders were classist abusers, you suddenly forget what representation even means.

So yeah having a dick, a pussy, darker skin, lighter skin, or hooking up with whoever you want doesn’t magically make your character a better person or erase their shit track record. And if you’re gonna defend bullying depending on who’s doing it and who’s getting it, at least have the balls to admit it and stop dressing it up as “representation.”

[broodwoof]

Inquisition's "Bad Future" and its Relationship to Solas' POV

please do not add hate to this post, bring up the art book, or bring up the books/comics. thank you!

if you decide to recruit the mages to help seal the breach, then the inquisitor and dorian will be plunged into a "bad future", going forward a year

there is no way to proceed without "resetting" the timeline, without putting it back to the moment that they were flung into the future. but during the bad future, leliana says - accurately - that while dorian and the inquisitor see this almost as a bad dream, a thing to be undone, that it was real. their hurt was real. their joy was real. they existed in that year

and we as players are made complicit in erasing the entirety of that existence

this puts us in solas' position! this shows us his fundamental perspective!

he woke a year before the events of inquisiton, to a world that he, too, felt needed to be "reset". like the inquisitor and dorian, he saw the current state of the world as an intolerable deviation from what should be, and was willing to sacrifice people - as the inquisitor and dorian did - in order to put it back on the right path

granted, the world was in great peril in this bad future. the inquisition itself was destroyed. maybe many of those in southern ferelden would have welcomed the chance to have this all "undone"...

but what of those beyond? somewhere, a child was born in that year, and then erased. not killed, to be remembered, but fully erased from the course of history, made into something that never existed. somewhere in the world, someone did something that meant a great deal to them or to others in that year: again, that action was erased. they cannot be remembered, it cannot be remembered, it is gone

so, did the world need to be reset? i mean... that was probably the safest bet, if you want the world itself/the cultures as a whole/the people as a whole to have the best chance of survival

which, again, is kinda solas' thing. he's not out here just mercilessly killing for its own sake. he openly resents having to kill anybody, even enemies, although resenting it has certainly not stayed his hand

solas thought it would be necessary, which is something i've talked about before:

Solas and Veilfall: Why it Was Necessary... Until it Wasn't

Solas and Veilfall; Not a Hero, Not a Selfish Monster

"People are always dying. It is what they do." (contains an analysis of this bad future timeline as well!)

and what he was doing was necessary - perhaps not all of it (was tearing down the veil necessary or desired? it's unclear!) - but certainly dealing with the evanuris was necessary. even flemythal, who discouraged him from tearing down the veil, admitted that dealing with the "gods" was a necessary action. even the veilguard believe that what solas did in the time of arlathan was just and right

in the bad magic future, we are solas. we are waking to a world rendered horrible, a miserable experience compared to that which we knew. but, really, what all do we see? redcliffe castle. we hear about more, but it's just hearsay. in-game, it clearly doesn't take more than a day to erase that year in its entirety

what if the corruption was contained? what if there was an effort being mounted against it, one which might have been successful? what if all that remained of ferelden and orlais had joined forces? what if the dwarves had regained their ancestral magic somehow? what if spirits freely interacted with the world outside of this area of prime corruption?

hell, put all that aside: what if the corruption was false? what if everything we experience in that bad future was the work of a demon, or of alexius himself? what if having the inquisitor and dorian "undo" what he had done was his final effort to save felix? what if he created a horrific showpiece that presented a nightmare as reality and forced them to change it back?

is any of that likely? probably not! but the thing is: the inquisitor and dorian do not and cannot know

just as solas did not and could not know... in the beginning!

had his initial plan succeeded, he would have been as willing as the inquisitor and dorian to take that step. as confident that, even with the costs, it was right, it was just, it was necessary

i'm pretty sure more people do the mage route than the templar route. but whatever the analytics may say, certainly many people have done the mage route and have played through this entire narrative, up to and including erasing it and then continuing on with the game

and, narratively, it prepares us for solas' announcement. and it draws a comparison between the inquisitor and dorian and solas himself

and the thing is... the inquisitor and dorian remember that. as two individuals opposed to solas in some manner in canon, they also have to carry forward the knowledge that, in somewhat similar circumstances, they made the choice that solas tried to make. it is entirely likely that they bury this awareness, that they cover it, that they try to forget... but their actions remain, and the unknown cost remains, even though it has been erased

[matt0044]

Theory: Lila's goal is to root out the Council (that's my name for them) and/or to get rid of them.

Her wish to Gimmi? Either to control them or to wipe them out. And with how they're clearly people with great influence on the world, the Burrow's near collapse would stand to reason.

Furthermore, why all the disguises? Because she was a part of them before going renegade, being trained to hide in plain sight. Hence, why she's able to lie and convince anyone of anything as naturally as she breathes.

Perhaps she was a youth who's talents were discovered by the Council and given a position of being a spy. Given Ladybug and Chat Noir's youth, her taking on the identity of multiple students at multiple schools would help them close the net.

This would explain why she figured out Monarch was Gabriel Agreste so quickly. At first, she was there to be an extra set of eyes for the Council when Nathalie was seemingly getting too personally involved with their little puppet. But when she drops Lila's wig, that's when she decides to go rogue.

However, she's somebody who's not in the know about everything about the Council, clearly on a need-to-know basis, and has create multiple more identities to throw off the scent since they could be anywhere. Her murder board was made to close the net on potential leads to the top dogs running the show and to either undermine their publicity or know how to navigate around them.

Now as Chrysalis, she's hoping to erase the Council from ever existing because she wants out without looking over her shoulder. To rewrite her life as that of all the lies she's told about herself. A child soldier who wants to have a choice in who she becomes.

Perhaps that's why she went to "war" with Marinette and wanted Adrien. She envies the normal girl with the normal life she never got.

But as Gimmi maintains, there's always a price to pay...

[onlymelonlyy]

every time someone says the core four/original 4 kids are Mike, El, Dustin, and Lucas, a fairy dies.

[random-autie-fangirl]

Chara: I'm wanting everything to end instantly

Asriel: And I'm wanting to go on unchanging forever

🔥🔥🔥THE BEEF WITH LINEAR TIME SIBLINGS🔥🔥🔥

[shreddeddescent]

DEEP SIGH. i got carried away with the voice claim thing despite how im still like EHHHH on some.... but you know its too late now. the effort was put in so. that would be worse to not just post it ahjksdhjkash

[soo-won]

What is your opinion of Minsoo and Lili characters?

They both seem neutral, but Minsoo gave Yona information during the xing War, and Lili took Yona's side in the same war.

Suwon is completely alone.

Hi Anon, thanks for the ask!

I don't see Lili and Minsu as "neutral" and I don't think it really works to take it this way to be honest. They're not neutral and don't pretend to be, they definitely have stakes and their own personal reasons to act the way they do with both Yona and Suwon. Rather, I think it's more that they don't feel that their loyalty to one of them is exclusive and cancels out their respect/loyalty for the other? You could say it's the case for most characters today, but yeah I guess they can be paired to say they had this stance before the official Yona-Suwon alliance and the developments that followed that made it just easier and like the "right" thing to do to support both of them. Like, Lili and Minsu were doing it when it had actual negative consequences to Suwon's reign (Lili hinting at the truth of the coup to soldiers, Minsu helping Yona with the Taejun strategy, and then in the castle arc calling Yona when Keishuk was about to get Hak executed etc). I think it shows their resistance of blind loyalty and following orders to instead follow their own free will when they're against something, on top of their affection/respect for Yona.

Also both characters' feelings towards Suwon and Yona are pretty different since Minsu was more directly involved and impacted by Suwon's coup. Like, Minsu has personal resentments towards Suwon and Keishuk for using him to kill and hurt the King and Princess he was happy and content serving, and then making him serve Suwon which made him feel intense guilt. He was also wounded and is now disabled from that night. Minsu appreciated Suwon and Keishuk honestly and they were childhood friends (that one panel of Minsu laughing with Keishuk lives rent free in my head like what on Earth were they talking about...), so he's very much a victim of a betrayal from people he trusted too. By the Xing arc Minsu doesn't really seem content serving Suwon because of all these reasons and it's more like he's forced into it. However once he meets with Yona again and makes him feel forgiven (I never really enjoyed that chaptersince I don't think he had to be "forgiven" by Yona for anything, but I get what it meant to him), I think he was free of the feeling it's a terrible sin to serve Suwon and started using that very position to help Yona.

So, yeah, if you had to choose one "side" Minsu is on, he's probably more on Il and Yona's side. After all, Il is a lord he "chose" to serve, whereas Suwon was pretty much imposed to him when he least wanted it. Minsu's role by that point was to be a character serving Suwon that actually feels more for Yona and help her "against Suwon". However does that make him strictly Yona's follower? I don't think so either. After all the one he is serving right now is very much still Suwon and he doesn't resist against it or give up everything to join Yona instead. Maybe it's because he contractually can't because of the illness, but personally I don't really feel like that's the only reason. To me it feels more like Minsu has accepted his position as Suwon's physician and is content with it despite his conflicted feelings.

Minsu's "neutrality" stems from the pretty unique fact that he is really familiar with both Suwon's and Yona's past background. Hak only knew the Yona/Il part. Keishuk only knew the Suwon/Yuhon part (Judo also witnesses a bit of both but is in another different position). Minsu knows the environment Suwon grew up in, knows about the Crimson Illness, was here when Yuhon and Yonhi died and felt for them, and then became Il's physician and witnessed the environment Yona lived in and Il's death and felt for them as well. In a way, that makes it that today he's probably one of the character who has seen the most of Suwon's life. He knows both the dynamic of Suwon and Yuhon's faction and the dynamic Suwon had with Yona and Hak.

He is also the first character that knew about Suwon's illness and to whom Suwon showed himself physically more vulnerable. He's the one servant that sees the most of Suwon's vulnerability in general I'd say. Like when he questions Suwon about his actions hurting Yona again in Xing, or witnessing everything happening between main trio in the castle arc and later. This unique history makes him aware of Suwon's own circumstances and unable to completely reject and blame him for everything either. Like he says in Xing, part of him believes that Suwon as a King probably can't advance embracing kindness, but he can't really swallow the idea of others and particularly Yona suffering from the consequences either since he also believed in Il's peaceful ideology.

I've felt very neutral about Minsu for a long time if not a bit annoyed by him because "one more character siding more with Yona than Suwon" etc etc... But I have to admit that the more it goes the more I am endeared by his relationship with Suwon. Maybe he can never forgive him or Keishuk as he said before, but in practice he interacts with them on a daily basis and work together very functionally? There is no conflict, they just...cooperate normally, even if there can be tension. Like you could criticize akayona for the pattern of every character ending up warming up to Yona eventually but lowkey I think it's often the same for Suwon.

Many characters aren't immune to him either and can't help but understand where he comes from and try to sympathize. Maybe it started as just a job and a duty to Minsu, but to me it looks like he seriously got into it, no? I don't think he simply hates Suwon. Similarly to Yona (even if probably much less intense) it feels more nuanced than that.

Minsu is also very serious and determined about his job and finding a cure to the Crimson Illness. Maybe it's also partly for Meinyan and Yona's sake like it is for Yun, maybe it's for his pride as a physician, maybe it's because Suwon dying would be a hindrance, but he always runs to Suwon when he''s in need of his expertise, even when Suwon doesn't ask. He seems genuinely concerned about the evolution of Suwon's illness, and he is moved to see Yona and Hak connect with Suwon again. I don't think someone that doesn't care in the slightest and would be against someone would do all that.

When Suwon doesn't believe there's any merit in looking for solutions for his illness, Minsu is the one person insisting to look into the senjusou and exploring all leads without being asked by anyone else. He's the one that asked Keishuk to deploy Hak for it too. Minsu acting on his own accord is first shown in his initiative to help Yona in the Xing and Castle arc, but I'd argue that it also very much shows with Suwon too. And it's a pretty neat thing if he's so dedicated even if only for his own convictions as a physician. That makes him trustable and it shows that any personal grudges he might have doesn't change anything about that. He is loyal to Suwon as his personal physician and it gives Suwon the justice of deserving medical treatment no matter what.

(I've seen people read this part as Minsu being angry at Keishuk, but to me it was always more like Minsu just feels kind of complicated and conflicted about the situation? Minsu was also "close" to Keishuk before, so he must understands how much it means for Keishuk to say something like that and to let Hak go look for the senjusou. Like it just feels more ambiguous than straight up being mad at him...it conveys the seriousness of the situation AND Minsu's mixed feelings about these developments imo. But I admit that may just be my wishful thinking. Like I don't get what on earth Minsu potentially being pissed off at Keishuk would even add and bring to the story here)

I think he can care in this mysterious third secret way precisely because he was friends with Suwon and Keishuk in the past and was fond of Yona and Hak. He inherently has a sense of familiarity with all of them. The fact he respected Il and Yona and was hurt personally by what happened to them also makes it that he sees Suwon differently and allows himself to make comments to him that the other people serving Suwon wouldn't make. Like, that makes him correctly call out Suwon when he's being a bit hmm oblivious? too pessimistic and negative? about Yona and Hak for example, which reveals Suwon's innocence and vulnerability when it comes to them. Such is possible only because Minsu is the only person around Suwon aware of main trio's history and who knows both Suwon and Yona well. Minsu saw how Yona and Suwon used to interact before so he knows perfectly well what makes Suwon feel awkward and unsure sometimes, like, you could say Minsu knows about Suwon's embarassing past or something lol, which is only "embarassing" in the context of Suwon being King and acting like everything before with Yona and Hak was all fake when he visibly cared very much for them.

So even if it's because he's disillusioned about Suwon and that he's feeling for Yona, I don't think it's a bad thing that Suwon has someone with this stance by his side. Minsu can see well through the armor of Suwon as this sound reasonable and pragmatic King, and also see him as a person that happens to be awkward and clumsy when it comes to his relationships with others especially Yona and Hak, without using it against him or pushing him to conceal it even more. In these little moments he treats Suwon like a normal person more than like a King or his lord. And the fact he's moved by main trio connecting and working together to me shows that he is deep down rooting for the three of them to reunite and not be against each other on "different sides".

It doesn't mean Minsu likes and cares for Suwon super super deeply or anything, he was also always more distant from him than Yona and Hak or Keishuk, but there are things he only can see and point out thanks to this distance too imo. So, in what way is Minsu leaving Suwon alone? I would say he barely leaves him alone at all tbh. What does it mean exactly to take someone's side? Minsu might have grudges against Suwon and feel conflicted about his actions and he might even sometimes act "against" him through Yona, but to me it's again part of the misconception that everything has to be a dichotomy between "Suwon's side" and "Yona's side" even if that was a misconception shared in universe by many characters as well. Never has Minsu acted personally against Suwon and try to hurt him as far as I can remember. Helping Yona in Xing wasn't to harm Suwon in any way, it was because he wanted to help Yona not lose her family again. Calling Yona in chapter 201 wasn't against Suwon either, it was because he didn't want Hak to be killed. And even after what Suwon did and tried to do it didn't stop Minsu from treating Suwon the same as his physician in any way.

As long as he helps Suwon and shows concern for him, I'm fine with Minsu having complicated feelings for him and personally prefering Yona as a person or whatever. Like does it really matter when the facts are that he is genuinely concerned about Suwon's health and will never betray his duty to him as a physician? When in the present he argues all the time against Suwon pushing himself too hard and believes in his survival against all odds and Suwon's own beliefs? It's kinda endearing to me too that both Suwon and Keishuk have this guy with them calling them out sometimes but never to their detriment nor making it as dramatic as it is with Yona or Hak. It feels a bit like teasing and something that can only be because they've known each other forever. I also like when Minsu argues a bit with Suwon and Keishuk about not pushing Suwon too hard etc...He's a bit like a needed reasonable force as a physician sometimes, and they allow it and never punish him for any of his oppositions. Maybe that's because they can't afford to get rid of Minsu, but the tension stemming for that is pretty lovely to me...i love their strange coworker bond so much.

Is Minsu that deep? Maybe not, but he's deep enough to simply have complicated and ambiguous feelings towards Suwon and I don't mind that. Him siding with Yona sometimes doesn't erase his efforts to help Suwon, which I can't help but appreciate as a Suwon fan. Is what Suwon need only loyalty, or also people that are simply fair and honest with him?

Like, truly no offense anon but the statement "Suwon is completely alone" is just so sad? :') Even if Suwon is more emotionally closed off from the people around him, he is not alone, and I feel like this just validates Suwon's own insecurities to be honest. I obviously know what you mean when you say "alone", like, yeah he has no one fully supporting and prioritizing him above all else all the time, right? But I don't think it means he's alone at all either.

He was kept alive so far by so many characters around him who, no matter their reasons, desperatly and often risked their life to protect him or follow his orders. He has Hyuri that would do everything for him, he has Judo and Keishuk who even under the prestance of doing it for Kouka's sake also do everything to protect Suwon in every possible ways, even at the cost of their own pride, he has the generals respecting him, he has the people of Kuuto that want to protect Kuuto so their "cute little Won won't cry", he has Yona and Hak that don't leave him alone when he needs help, he has Minsu nursing him, and he has Lili. A friend who despite loving and admiring Yona deeply and criticizing Suwon if he were to harm her, doesn't end their relationship here and comes by to chat with him casually a few chapters later like it doesn't affect their relationship, a friend who wants to protect Kuuto in his absence and runs after him in a collapsing castle. All these little things by all these characters aren't meaningless, Suwon is surrounded by many many people that can't help but care for him! No matter what these characters also do for Yona will never change and erase what they do for Suwon.

Like, when it comes to Lili, the very fact she hangs out with Suwon despite knowing what he did to Yona and feeling bad about it is precisely what makes it so meaningful. Lili is different from Minsu in that she is not familiar with Suwon and Yona's pasts. She had no personal stakes in Suwon murdering Il and doesn't really disagree with the act itself, she only knows Suwon and Yona from their present. She met both of them without knowing their identity either and so got to become more familiar with them completely unbiased about the situation and their relationship. But that doesn't make Lili fully neutral. She cares for both Yona and Suwon simply for who they are as the two people that saved and inspired her, so even if she feels "neutral" about the coup itself and their past, she isn't neutral about them in the present basically.

So of course she is against Yona being captured and killed by Kouka's army and would take her defense. But again it doesn't mean she does it in Suwon's detriment at all either. She says explicitely that she doesn't want to believe it would undermine Suwon's position. She simply didn't want Suwon to kill her. Siding with Yona doesnt mean wanting to hurt Suwon at all. It doesn't change her relationship to Suwon at all actually, this is the wonderful thing about their friendship! It's the reason why she feels hypocritical too, but that's what for example differentiate her from Hak who can't help but have his relationship with Suwon heavily impacted by Suwon and Yona's conflict.

Suwon and Lili's ability to interact casually and like nothing happened even after Lili defending Yona from him in chapter 141, or after them not seeing each other for ages in chapter 261 is the kind of relationship that is extremely good for Suwon! Like, Lili isn't so affected by Suwon not contacting her at all for a while, Lili isn't so affected by the idea Suwon might be annoyed by her actions in the Xing arc, she isn't so affected by the idea Suwon invites her only because it serves him practically etc. Maybe she's a bit harsh in her assumptions that Suwon doesn't care at all sometimes, but this sense of distance coming from this disillusion about him is what permits her to enter so casually Suwon's personal space. She's running straight ahead and often recklessly in dangerous territories, but that frankness is a strength that made her break through some of Suwon's walls as well. So many people in Suwon's life care so so much about anything he says and does one way or another, that someone like Lili that interacts with Suwon not because she expects him to give her anything but just because she wants to is extremely refreshing and moving.

What I think about Lili is that she's one of my favorite thing in the manga and her presence in a chapter has the power to make 100000x happier. She is so important and I love her position between Yona and Suwon. She is so cool and funny. She just feels so fresh. I don't think Lili cares about "Yona's side" or "Suwon's side" so much deep down even if she questions herself about it. She just does whatever she wants to do. She wants to be close friends with Yona and she wants to hang out with Suwon. Maybe that's "incompatible" like she said, but she does it anyways and in the end it...works? Maybe this assumption that such thing such as siding with both at the same time is impossible was never true to begin with and we just needed someone to try it out even before Yona and Suwon's alliance made it pratically more compatible, no? It's similar to the Xing conflict to me in a way. Suwon and Kouren didn't believe avoiding war and an agreement between their two countries was possible, yet Yona made them try anyways and it wasn't perfect or without any sacrifices and grudges but... it worked! They just had to try and surprisingly they even can get along personality-wise.

If you turn it around, does Minsu serving and trying to cure Suwon means he's against Yona and doesn't care about how Suwon hurt her and killed Il? Does Lili hanging out with him casually despite what he did to Yona means that Lili is "against" Yona? Does Yona and Hak defending Suwon mean that they forgot about Il or how he hurt them? Does Hak helping Suwon mean he's against Yona and doesn't care about her? Does Yona not wanting Suwon to die mean she forgives him for killing Il? Of course not, right? These things are not incompatible. The characters can be against and disagree with others for some things, and side with them for others things and still love each other (more or less)...I don't think it's much more deeper than this in the end.

Does Suwon need everyone to agree with him all the time and to follow his every order, or someone that will interact with him like a normal person and an equal? If you ask me, I think he needs both in the context of the story. I sometimes even feel that I wish there was some kind of character just being a Suwon fanatic in universe a bit like Mizari with Kouren for example, things like that... That Suwon had characters for him like Meinyan has Kaji etc... Characters like Hyuri Keishuk and Judo who are loyal to him, or Ogi and the people of Kuuto that love him overtly and will do everything for him are just as important. But he needs not only that but all different kinds of relationships! He needs a Minsu and a Lili and a Hak and a Yona too. As long as all these people will be here Suwon will never be alone. They're here already, even if he struggles to realize just how much he is cared for and admired and trusted. In the end, I think it's just so fitting of him to have all these kind of unconventional and unique relationships. Just believe in his boundless charm Anon <3

[icharchivist]

the artbook saying they planned on having Cole in da4 to give a compassionate voice wanting to help Solas navigate through his pain and supporting him in front of Rook and the companions, only for the final product to literally just be "bashing Solas hours because he's such a loser for always being alone and he's to blame for literally everything (rightfully so or not)" just fills me with an intense sorrow i will never recover from.

[lovely-rants-alot]

I'd love it if I could just open up to my therapist fully and tell her about how I truly feel but I only ever get the I'm really depressed feeling at liek 2am or when I'm PMSing

[alfhildr-the-word-weaver]

I got thinking too much about Marwa from What We Do in the Shadows again and how she was canonically making observations of Jupiter and Saturn in the 1200s. Then I thought about how Elena took Damon to go watch a meteor shower, and I decided that Marwa and Elena should get away from all the vampire drama B.S. in their lives and go nerd out about astronomy together, and this moodboard sort of happened. I also thought about how Elena becomes a doctor and went ah, they are both women in STEM! So I ran with that as a theme too.

But yeah, Marwa needs a friend who will actually support her interests and engage with her intellectually (no shade to Nadja and the Guide, I'm glad they had a fun weekend watching Mamma Mia together which was literally the only time we got to actually see Marwa happy onscreen, but they have never demonstrated much interest in science that I can recall and I want Marwa to have an astronomy buddy), and I think Elena would be fascinated by her and her perspectives on astronomy from centuries ago, and they could learn about modern astronomical advances together. If I find the time and energy I might even write fic about it, but for now, here is a moodboard so that we can all bask in the vibes of my beautiful crossover vision together.

Image sources: x x x / x (the first frame of x gif + a screenshot from x) x / x + x x x

[fictional-men-enthusiast]

Old Flesh + The Parliament is conservatism.

I said what I said and I’m not taking it back.

[nandorisms]

My eternal sunshine of the spotless mind Nandermo fic lives rent-free in my head.

Would love to write it someday.

Would love to feel the urge to write again someday 😩