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Chapter 6 - Soft Hands, Sharp Teeth

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The following morning, Oriel is dressed nicely in one of those one cute summer dresses for toddlers that actually have shorts underneath. Her hair is tied in two little pigtails that naturally curl in all directions. Renna is doing her makeup while Amy furiously paces back and forth in the background.

‘’What do you mean you’re making things up with him? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?’’ She raises her tone, though it’s not quite a yell for Oriel’s benefit.

But Renna just rolls her eyes and resumes doing what she was doing, annoyance stirring in her gut. She already sees where the conversation was heading and she didn’t like it, not one bit.

‘’Well, I’m pretty sure that’s what we’re gonna be doing,’’ she says as she puts on her favorite tinted lip balm. She looks even prettier than yesterday, making sure everything is flawless, from her hair to her socks.

This time she settles for a midi skirt with a slit on the right side and a white sleeveless shirt, topping it off with some simple silver jewelry. She puts her hair in a half up half down hairstyle, keeping the upper half in place by a silver butterfly clip.

‘’Uh-huh, you’re pretty sure? What makes you so hopeful, huh?’’ Amy asks, her tone filled with skepticism.

‘’My divine intuition.’’

‘’Your ‘divine intuition’ had you eating mold. Multiple times.’’

Renna just scoffs. ‘’Those were justified accidents, and I was young.’’

‘’Okay, but you weren’t young two days ago when you almost had your arm bitten off—’’’

‘’That dog was wagging its tail! I thought it was friendly! Leave me alone,’’ she grumbles, now fixing her hair, making sure every wave falls in place. ‘’What is even your point?’’

‘’My point is, this date is bad news.’’ Amy moves over to stand behind Renna, looking at her in the mirror. ‘’He will say he changed and that he had time to reflect and then make an excuse about work stress. I bet he even got you the wrong flowers– no, actually, he wouldn’t get you any.’’

‘’You’re being so negative about all of this! You need to understand that I won't leave—I can't! It’s not just about me.’’

‘’God, this would all be so much easier if you didn’t–’’

Renna’s head snaps in Amy’s direction, she glares, pointing her finger at Amy. ‘’Don’t finish that sentence, Amy.’’

She walks past Amy and picks up Oriel from the floor where she was playing with toys. Amy greatly disapproved of Renna not aborting. Not because Renna was a bit young, but because of who the father is.

‘’I’m sorry…but you know my opinion on the whole thing. I love Oriel like she’s my own.’’ She glances at the toddler who’s busy playing with Renna’s necklaces.

‘’I know, but she’s here and Alex is the father and there’s nothing I can do about it now.’’ She answers, her tone becoming a little strained, a little sadder. Her eyebrows furrow out of nervousness that’s replacing her previous annoyance.

Amy just sighs and rubs her temples, trying to calm down. “Just don’t give in to him that easily, okay? There’s always a higher motive with him.’’

‘’You act as if he’s some…I don’t even know! Can’t you just accept that maybe he loves us and that he needed a break like everyone does from time to time?’’ Renna tried sounding annoyed and angry, but her tone kept faltering into that quiet, almost disappointed sound.

‘’I’m not having this conversation with you again.’’

Before Renna can respond, Alex sends her a text that he’s outside of Amy’s house and she quickly puts her shoes on, picks up Oriel again, and walks out without another word, her heart threatening to jump out of her chest – she doesn't even know why anymore.

Despite her annoyance and sadness, happiness starts to slowly creep in as she walks towards the car – she’s excited to finally see Alex again, to finally talk, to make things up with him. He’s her first long-term boyfriend, and she fell hard and fast for him around the time Renna was finishing highschool. It took them years of being friends before they eventually got together. Alex had always been a little emotionally distant, but Renna always managed to get him to speak up about his worries.

And everything had been great.

Until Renna got pregnant with Oriel two years into their relationship. Renna didn’t want to have an abortion, but if Alex had expressed that he wanted it, she would’ve.

But he said he wanted to have their child.

And now he’s pulling away, and Renna doesn’t want to acknowledge the actual reason for it.

As she approaches the car and Alex comes into sight, the excitement starts to wear down rapidly. He’s a handsome 27-year-old guy, a few inches taller than Renna. His skin is naturally a little tan and his hair is a pretty shade of blonde. Oriel got her skin tone and hair color from him, but the rest is like a mini version of her. His eyes are dark, but not as dark as the ones of a guy she’s subconsciously comparing him to—no. Nope

Alex doesn’t exit the car, but instead remains seated while Renna opens the back door to put the not-so-excited Oriel in her bumper seat. Oriel dislikes it, so she grumbles words that Renna can’t really understand. Then, she wordlessly sits in the passenger seat, buckles her seatbelt and…God, she feels uncomfortable.

She looks over at Alex, who finally glances at her and smiles.

‘’Hey…you look pretty,’’ he says as he looks her up and down. She wonders why Oriel won’t really acknowledge him. Then again, she called for her dad maybe two times ever since Renna brought them to Amy’s place. Perhaps she’s too entertained by her seat’s belt. Yeah.

‘’Thanks, I…I’m happy to finally see you,’’ she mutters and looks him in the eyes. He doesn’t look that tired, stressed, or bothered. Did their time away really do him this much good?

‘’Do we save the talk for the coffee or…?’’ he asks, finally glancing at Oriel through the rearview mirror and giving her a smile. Oriel doesn’t yet acknowledge him, which turns his smile into a flat line.

‘’Yeah, yeah, we’ll talk there.’’

‘’Okay, baby.’’

Renna finds herself suddenly not liking that pet name. She’s still mad at him—mad that he’s been ignoring her for days, making a desperate fool out of her.

The ride is extremely quiet and uncomfortable. Not even the radio is turned on, and the only sound that can be heard is the hum of the engine and Oriel’s occasional blabbers. Alex is too focused on the road to notice Renna’s nervousness.

But that’s okay. It’s not like he ever really noticed anything that doesn’t directly involve him.

Renna doesn't think much of it when Alex drives them to his favorite cafe—the one where she had her date with Elias yesterday. The two of them exit the car, Renna grabs Oriel, and they go in. Alex leads them over to the same table where Renna and Elias sat. Renna takes the same seat as yesterday, and Alex starts speaking first.

“I want to apologize… for everything. I was an asshole, It was so messed up of me to just ignore you, but I–I was completely out of my mind!”

Renna's eyes soften just a little, but she won’t allow herself to be swayed so easily. Oriel is in her lap, playing with the menu, and Renna is trying to stop her from nibbling on it.

“Alex, I get it, but that was so unfair–”

He cuts her off. “I know sweetheart, I just-’’ He sighs. “It was a huge moment of weakness. I felt so cornered and– and overstimulated by everything.”

The vulnerability, the raw openness, the apologetic look in his eyes–he's just a human being, she thinks. Such things happen. She feels it in her chest—she feels his distress and helplessness. She won’t give in, but she knows he’s hurting.

He’s just a human being. A tired one. Exhausted from being put in the positions he doesn’t want to be in just like many others, forced to bear the burdens he never asked for, but has to. For survival.

Alex then glances at Oriel and smiles, taking her from Renna's lap. Oriel looks up and smiles at him, gripping his shirt “Papa!’’ she exclaims, getting comfortable in his arms.

“Mhm…papa,” Alex hums, and ruffles her soft, golden hair. Renna’s heart skips a beat at the sight. Alex doesn’t really know how to handle kids, not what to say to them, Renna knows it. But he’s trying.

Maybe her guesses were wrong.

He does love his daughter.

Putting in effort is enough to show it, right?

“I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you, Alex, but I'm in a bad spot as well. I just–”

“I know, I know, I'm so sorry.’’ He cuts her off once again. “You're the mother of my precious baby girl and I should've done more.” He kisses Oriel on the head, and she attempts to grab his cheeks.

Renna’s poor heart squeezes as she sees Alex interact with Oriel like this. A faint smile tugs at her lips, but the wall she mentally set between the two of them still remains. She opens her mouth to speak, but Alex is faster.

“This past week I realized I can’t act like this,’’ he says, looking at her with a determined glint in his eyes. ‘’I don’t know what was wrong with me, but seeing you leave with Oriel, I just…’’ He trails off, shaking his head, sighing. As if the event was something that brings him genuine pain.

Renna exhales sharply. "You hurt me a lot, Alex. No responses, no calls… It felt like you didn’t care one bit."

‘’I do care, baby, I really, really do. I- I just don’t know how to deal with my own shit,’’ he breathes out, voice thick with emotion. "I realized that… fuck, I need you. I didn’t even realize how…dependant I am on you..."

He reaches forward and, taking her hand in his, squeezes it gently. Renna stiffens.

This is what she wanted. Right?

Alex's grip is warm, familiar. Safe.

A lump forms in her throat, but before she can pull away, Oriel places her tiny hand over theirs, giggling. Alex chuckles, pressing a kiss to her head once more with a strained smile on his lips.

Renna swallows. Maybe Amy’s wrong. Maybe he really is trying. Maybe this is what occasionally happens in relationships. People fight, it’s normal.

"...It’s okay," she whispers, squeezing back, and just like that, "I forgive you."

She squeezes his hand back and for a second, she sees something darker behind his eyes, but it’s gone as soon as it appeared.

Throughout the little coffee date, the tension evaporates, and Alex and Renna fall back into their rhythm—no, it’s better than their usual rhythm. Alex is more interactive with Oriel, entertaining her, showering her with affection, and trying to get her to speak more. Renna sips on her ice tea as she watches Alex “argue” with Oriel over a cookie Alex received with his drink.

"No, baby, you can’t have papa’s cookie."

"It!" Oriel exclaims, pointing furiously at the cookie. She even tries to climb onto the table for it, but Alex lifts it out of reach. Her tiny hands grasp at the air, her frown deepening. Then, she turns to Renna.

"Mamaaaaa!" Dramatic pouty lips, big watery eyes—the ultimate toddler weapon.

Renna places a hand on her chest like she’s been personally wounded. "Alex, let her have a bite!"

"Weren’t you the one with the whole ‘no sweets’ rule?" Alex raises an eyebrow, amused.

"Yes, but—" Renna gestures toward their daughter. Oriel’s bottom lip wobbles, her big blue eyes glisten with betrayal. "Look at her!"

Now they’re both pouting—same expression, same eyes, same stubbornness. Alex looks between them and sighs, tearing the cookie in half.

"Aren’t you the toughest, mama," he mutters with a playful eye roll, handing Oriel her prize. Oriel giggles as she nibbles, instantly joyful, and her tiny feet kick happily beneath the table.

"See?" Renna leans forward, tucking a curl behind her daughter's ear. Her voice softens. "Look how happy she is."

Alex watches them for a beat, something unreadable in his eyes. Then, he smirks. "Okay, fine, fine, she’s adorable… just like you."

Renna blushes before she can at least try to control herself. "Oh, please, save it." She tries to wave him off, but the pink dusting her cheeks betrays her. She was always weak on such stupid compliments, it really takes a little to please her.

Alex chuckles, tapping the table. "This reminds me of the time you swore you’d cut out sweets, and then a day later, I caught you eating two chocolate bars."

Renna gasps, pointing at him accusingly. "In my defense, my period had started. It was either chocolate or your soul."

"You could’ve stuck to it after, though." His grin widens.

Renna narrows her eyes—there’s no way for her to win this round. She glances around and blurts, "Oh, look, they changed the old plastic flowers!"

Alex laughs, shaking his head. "Okay, okay, I'm dropping it."

The two fall into a peaceful conversation about what happened over the last week. Alex mentions work, making sure to emphasise how much responsibility is on his shoulders and how he’s stressed as hell. Renna can’t help but feel bad for him. She has seen him lose his shit over his job many times. He’s specialized in some cyber things Renna isn’t all too familiar with, but he’s not working where he’s supposed to. He's stuck dealing with some ‘annoying finance paperwork,’ as he put it. Renna can’t help but relate to his hatred for the job, after all, she would stay up with him a lot and help him out when she could.

The job isn’t even worth doing. It’s boring and mindless, but it is what it is until he finds a better workplace.

Eventually, she finds herself holding his hand as he cradles sleeping Oriel. He has a strong, protective arm over her, making sure she’s comfortable in her sleep. After a moment of silence, Alex looks down at their baby and then at Renna.

‘’Ren...’’ he says somewhat quietly—intimately. ‘’Let’s go home, yeah?’’

Something in Renna breaks— her heart thumps rapidly and her eyes sting from unshed tears. She’s not sure where they’re coming from, but they’re there and she blinks them away.

‘’Y-Yeah…let’s go.’’

Alex pays for the drinks, settles Oriel carefully in her seat, and, to Renna’s surprise, opens the door for her. She sits down and something in her gut just twists uncomfortably, but she can’t tell why. She texts Amy that she’s going back to Alex’s and her place, to which she just replies with an ‘ok.’ and Renna already knows Amy isn’t happy.

But Renna is happy,

Her happiness matters as much as anyone else’s, right?

That’s what Amy herself would tell her at times when Renna needed it, At times she did too much for people that didn’t deserve it.

But that’s not important now, is it?

She’s with the one she loves once more.

That’s what she wants and needs.

…

Back in their apartment, Alex carefully carries Oriel into their room and tucks her in their bed, making sure the toddler is comfortable. Oriel is a peaceful sleeper, so both of them know she won’t roll off the bed or anything.

Renna finds herself in their apartment’s kitchen. It’s a simple one bedroom apartment with a living room connected with the said kitchen. The bathroom is a decent size, and so is the bedroom. They moved in just a little before Renna got pregnant. It’s enough for the three of them while Oriel is little, but as she grows, they’ll need to move. Another thing Alex has to worry about.

As Alex approaches Renna, her face goes pale. “Alex! Shit, didn’t your break end? Why are you still–’’

“Hey, hey, it’s okay…I called off of work today,’’ he interrupts before she can start one of her spirals that are a huge headache to deal with sometimes. ‘’It’s okay.’’

“You…you called off work?’’ she asks in pure disbelief. He never does that, ever. He prioritizes work and money over everything—which she, obviously, dislikes. Amy was really wrong…

“Well, of course, baby…I told you, I realized where I went wrong.’’

He steps closer to her and cups her face with both hands, leaning in for a soft, lingering kiss to her forehead, then her nose, her cheek…and then he stops, his lips slowly leaning towards hers.

For just a very short-lived moment she forgets all his wrongdoings and all the words that he had said to her in the past months of their relationship and almost leans in for a kiss as well. But the memories are quick to resurface.

“You need to change.’’

“You’re too much.’’

“Too dramatic, too demanding.’’

A pit forms in her stomach. For a moment, she pulls back and just looks at him, trying to read his mind, his heart, and his intentions. Is he truly seeing where he went wrong? Just yesterday he told her to change, but…

Alex isn’t being pushy, nor is her being snappy with her refusal to kiss him. Even he himself takes a step back, his hands falling to his side. Renna hesitates a little before speaking.

‘’Can…can I borrow your car and go to Amy’s to grab our stuff?’’

‘’Sure, baby, I’ll be waiting.’’ He brushes a strand of hair away from her face and allows her to leave.

Renna settles into the familiar car and starts the engine. She pulls out of the driveway and heads toward Amy’s house. The radio is off—she doesn’t feel like listening to music.

She drives, but her mind is everywhere. Now that she’s alone, she has a moment to think.

‘Is this real? Is it actually happening?’

She’s been begging Alex to be better for months. He was present when Oriel was born, attentive when she was tiny and fragile. But as she grew, as she needed more and more of Renna’s attention, he started to pull away.

But…that’s normal, right?

Men tend to be distant when a baby comes into the picture. She should’ve balanced things better. Given Alex more of her time. Made sure he still felt important. Maybe this one is on her.

Her grip on the wheel tightens.

But then why does she feel like she’s convincing herself?

She exhales, loosening her fingers, willing her body to relax. No. She’s overthinking. The way Alex looked at her today—soft, remorseful, vulnerable—he meant it. He really, really meant it, she knows him.

She knows him…she knows his heart and soul.

There’s still love between them. Right? They can fix it. They can go back to what they were before, maybe even grow.

True love never dies.

She repeats it like a prayer, but the words don’t settle in her heart the way they should.

She’s almost at Amy’s now. The closer she gets, the more dread creeps up her spine. Because she knows, knows, that Amy won’t buy any of this.

Not until she sees it for herself.

But Renna already knows Amy won’t even try to see.

Renna enters without knocking—Amy’s home is her home. She kicks off her shoes and steps inside.

"Amy?" she calls out, walking in.

Her sister is sitting on the couch, not doing anything in particular. But the second Amy lays eyes on her, Renna knows she’s been waiting. Amy tilts her head slightly, observing. There’s tension in her face, a slight furrow in her brows, but her gaze is softer than usual. Tired, but soft.

Hopeful, even.

"So," Amy finally says, voice and expression unreadable. "How did your little date with your sweet boyfriend go?"

Renna exhales, noticing the fake interest in Amy’s tone. She sits down, leaning back into the couch. "It went...good. We’re okay. We made up."

Amy nods, slowly. "No doubt about that," she mutters, crossing her arms. She’s watching her, studying her, she can tell not even Renna believes herself.

"Tell me everything."

Renna expected this. But now that she’s actually sitting here, in Amy’s house, away from Alex’s warmth and apologies, doubt is creeping in. She feels…stupid. Like when you get a genius idea and you go to tell your mother, but the more you speak, the stupider it seems to sound—except Renna hadn’t even uttered a single word yet.

"He picked us up and took us to that cafe where he usually takes his break," she begins, forcing a soft smile. "We talked. He played with Oriel...she was so happy in his arms, you know? It made me all giddy and...I don’t know. Happy."

Amy is quiet. She doesn’t nod or react. She just listens.

"He admitted he was wrong," Renna continues, voice growing firmer. "He said he wants to fix this whole thing, that he regrets saying everything. And he even took the day off today!"

Silence.

Amy blinks once. Twice. Then, finally—

"...So let me get this straight."

Renna tenses, already knowing Amy is about to burst her little bubble

Amy leans forward, resting her forearms on her knees. "He ignored you for a full week. He said the worst possible things he could, he intentionally hurt your feelings. And then, out of nowhere, he magically realized he was wrong?"

"Yes," Renna says, feeling idiotic for some reason.

Amy doesn’t even hesitate. "No, baby. No. That’s not Alex. He’s selfish. He’s narcissistic. He’s a piece of shit."

"He’s trying to change!" Renna snaps back immediately, crossing her arms. "I can sense it, Amy! It’s the way he looked at me—at Oriel! You didn’t see it!"

Amy lets out a sharp, bitter laugh.

"Oh, yeah? He changed?" she repeats mockingly. "And you believe him...because he took one single break from work?"

Renna hates that when she puts it like that, it sounds ridiculous—because it is ridiculous. Not that she’s going to admit that, of course.

"Where’s Oriel, anyway?"

"She’s at our place, sleeping. I came here to get our stuff."

Silence again.

Amy’s expression shifts. It’s not frustration anymore—it’s pure disbelief.

"...You left him alone with her?"

Renna rolls her eyes, scoffing. "Oh my god, Amy, yes. He’s her father."

Amy’s jaw tightens. "You are so fucking stupid, Ren. I love you, but leaving a toddler with him—"

"You think he’s going to hurt her or something?"

Amy stands up. She’s done with this.