all3-stxr

[all3-stxr]

♡ - allie . 18+ . 07.04 . cancer . she/her . lil peep and rks lover ! bsd and jjk enthusiast ! currently: out star shopping with dazai osamu and gojo satoru !

─── ────────────── the creator.

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silent hill [in progress] chrysanthemum [under development] tainted with sorrow [under development]

── ⟢ ・it's not fair, i found love. it made me say that, get back. you'll never see daylight. if i'm not strong, it just might

now playing: this is all i will ever be

[all3-stxr]

silent hill

the trees stretched up above the horizon, making this town feel all the more suffocating, paired with the thick fog as dazai wandered the forest. the trail felt much longer than he remembered, though he hadn’t been in here in the last three years, so he couldn’t say much, even as he approached a clearing to a well that he was sure wasn’t there before.

a faint red light emits from the bottom of the well, a pretty shade of crimson dancing across the underside of the roof, like the reflection of water. curious, he leaned in to see inside, the red light casting shadows across his face as he gazed downward.

a sudden pain shot through his head and he grimaced, taking a few steps back in hopes that putting space between him and that light would help. “god, it’s like someone’s groping around my skull.” he rubbed his temple, the pain slowly beginning to subside a few seconds later.

he shook his head, eyeing the well one last time before following the trail in the opposite direction. he couldn’t shake the feeling of unease that washed over him with every step he took, like if he ventured too far, he’d find something he didn’t want to see.

but he couldn’t let that hold him back. he was determined to find you, and he’d do just about anything to do it.

he paused, looking up at the tall gates leading into a cemetery. could this be the way? he didn’t know.

dazai didn’t know a lot of things since you died. life felt empty, hopeless as he trudged about, going through his job only to come back home to an empty house.

he missed your hugs, those sweet little kisses you’d give him before he went to work and right when he came home. those little visits when he would forget his lunch even though he told you he wasn’t hungry, you’d always come just in case. how you asked what he wanted to eat every day despite him telling you that you didn’t have to cook, that just you being with him was enough.

he missed you.

pushing open the gates, he glanced around aimlessly until his eyes fell upon a figure hunched over before a gravestone, wiping away at the dust in a futile attempt to read its owner's name.

he tentatively reached out a hand, grasping their shoulder. “excuse me. . .”

he was greeted by a sharp gasp, and the stranger quickly stood up, stepping back a few paces. it was a boy with choppy white hair and large, heterochromatic eyes, his face pale and his eyes sunken, like he hadn't slept in a few days. “i’m sorry, i- i was just. . .” he raised his hands swiftly, regaining his composure as he took a deep breath.

“hey, it’s okay,” dazai interjected, “i didn’t mean to scare you.” he took a step back, giving the boy his space. “i’m kind of lost.”

 the boy closed the distance dazai just put between them, his brows furrowing. “lost?”

“yeah, i’m looking for silent hill? is this the right way?”

he gave him a once over, nodding. “um, yeah.” holding a hand up, he pointed off somewhere in the distance. “it’s hard to see with this fog, but there’s only one road. you can’t miss it.”

“thanks.” dazai hummed, turning on his heel to leave.

“but. . .” the boy hesitated, taking an unsure step forward, prompting dazai to turn around. “i think you should stay away. this, uh. . . this town,” he glanced away nervously, as if sensing the other’s confusion. “there’s something wrong with it. and it’s not just the fog either.”

“is it dangerous?”

he fiddled with the ends of his gloves. “maybe. . . it’s kind of hard to explain, but. . .”

dazai waved him off. “i’ll be careful.”

“i’m not lying!” the boy insisted, raising his voice slightly.

“no, i believe you. it’s just. . .” he paused, thinking about how to phrase it right. “i guess i don’t really care if it’s dangerous, or not. i’m going either way.”

“but. . . why?”

“i’m looking for-” he hesitated, his eyes falling to the ground for just a moment. “. . .someone. someone very important to me.”

the stranger’s eyes widened a little. “me too. i’m looking for the headmaster. i mean, my father.” he corrected himself quickly. “it’s been so long since i’ve seen him. i thought the other kids were here, but i can’t find them either.” he looked around, eyes taking in all the gravestones, wondering if they were the ones six feet deep, but he shook his head and turned back over to dazai. “i’m sorry. . . it’s not your problem.”

“no, i. . .” he smiled. “i hope you find them.”

“yeah, you too.” the boy returned the smile, gradually shifting his focus back to the gravestones.

the fog seemed to grow thicker as he approached the town, the trees growing sparse as he followed the road. silent hill was just how he remembered. . . almost.

cafes and shops at every corner - small businesses that you’d never recognize the names of unless you live there - the many houses lined up along the road, and those few streets that if not for the fog, you’d see the other end of town. but something was amiss, something that any one person would recognize almost immediately.

it was dead silent.

though in its name, silent hill was never usually this. . . silent. the population was around 2,000 - people usually walked the streets, and few cars would pass by every now and then. there’d be greetings, gossip - in a small town like this, everyone knows everyone. but there wasn’t a single soul wandering about.

cars littered the streets, both in the middle and parked along the sidewalk, some windows broken and smashed in, tires deflated and paint rusted. it was like everyone just went up and left, leaving the town in complete disarray.

dazai clutched the map in his hand, glancing from side to side as he took in the mess. was this really silent hill?

it sure as hell didn’t feel like it. it’s as if this place died with you. like the moment you breathed your last breath of air, the town did too, and you both fell together.

he shook his head, trying to convince himself of happier thoughts. you were here. you had to be. even if this town had died, that doesn’t mean it took you with it. he’d make sure of it.

who else could’ve written that letter?

[all3-stxr]

in which, dazai osamu travels to silent hill in search of his dead wife - you.

00. in my restless dreams

01. silent hill

02. loading. . .

03. buffering. . .

[all3-stxr]

in my restless dreams

it's ridiculous. couldn't possibly be true.

that's what dazai kept telling himself.

there was no way. it couldn't have been you.

but the letter was there, in his hands. your signature handwriting ; the eccentric swoops at the end of each letter and the little hearts in your 'i's. and your name, in the beautiful cursive you always tried to teach him because he'd always say how he "adored it so much," but he could just never get it right.

and this town, your 'special place.' all of it pointed to you.

but there was just no way.

you had died of that damned disease three years ago.

so why was he here, looking for you?

even as he stared at his reflection is the dirty, bathroom mirror, one hand gently scaling the apple of his cheek as if to check if this was real, if he was even awake and not being plagued by another one of those nightmares of you coming back to him - he couldn't tell you.

he almost didn't recognize himself, looking in that mirror. it felt as if some stranger was staring back, face wizened from both age and stress, eyes sunken and weighed from those deep bags - the contrast was stark compared to how lively he looked the last time he was here.

he turned away, an exasperated sigh slipping out of his slightly chapped lips as he pushed his way out of the heavy door to the bathroom. "y/n. . . could you really be in this town?" the cold, afternoon wind felt crisp against his skin despite the bandages covering his body, providing some measure of warmth underneath his trench coat and slacks.

despite the clouded skies, the sun cast a faint glow over the forested area, making it look almost ethereal. fitting, if you asked dazai. if there were to be an angel trapped here, of course you'd light up the skies as well as you'd do any ordinary room.

the fog drifted casually all around him as he stepped out into the parking lot, his feet taking him over to the metal railing so he could gave out at the seemingly endless forest stretching before him.

he couldn't help but think of you. the way you'd laugh, the way you'd dress, the way your eyes would crinkle every time you'd smile, soft irises staring back into his with nothing but love. he missed that.

he missed you.

maybe that's why he was here. because deep down, he wanted to believe it was true. he wanted to believe that the letter really was from you, his beloved wife.

his everything.

in my restless dreams, i see that town.

silent hill.

you promised you'd take me there again someday. but you never did.

well, i'm alone there now. in our 'special place.'

waiting for you.