alphabet-soup-boy

[alphabet-soup-boy]

daily affirmations:

i am kind

i am in control of my emotions

it does not bother me when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

everyone in the house has the right to be in the kitchen

i am kind and in control of my emotions even when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

[alphabet-soup-boy]

spoke deeply to me.

[alphabet-soup-boy]

Being a chronic overthinker is soooo not helpful when your roommate is the kind of autistic that doesn't realize how hard they close doors

[alphabet-soup-boy]

I just wanted to feel like I was worth something

[alphabet-soup-boy]

its so hard to believe someone could love me. im always always too much or too little. never enough.

[alphabet-soup-boy]

"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

[alphabet-soup-boy]

Main character syndrome? I think I actually have minor character syndrome: irrelevant, unecessary and dismissable. Only existing while other people do things that are more important.

[alphabet-soup-boy]

really wish I could say I'm surprised, but I'm not my boyfriend just ghosted me

extra hurts cause this is literally 2 months after my other ex broke up with me and almost the exact same way so fuck me ig

I'm not as fucked up about it as my last breakup, but I'm still hurt

[alphabet-soup-boy]

Constantly switching between healing and complete self destruction

[alphabet-soup-boy]

onwards, comrades

[alphabet-soup-boy]

Another false alarm guys. Turns out his mom fell so he had to be in and out of the hospital

I hate my fucking brain jfc

straight up not having a good time right now

aka the bpd is is bpd-ing and trying to convince me that my boyfriend doesn't want to be with me anymore

Context under cut if you want it

he barely texts and when he does it's maybe 4 at a time at best in most cases

I know he's been really stressed lately, but I also know he's still involved with my ex so I'm terrified that my ex is saying things that I can't defend myself against and that that's making him distance himself from me

What hurts more is that he saw almost this exact thing put me into a bpd spiral my when ex an I were breaking up. I know I should just tell him how I'm feeling but I don't want to put that on him or make him feel bad for being busy. I could write about it in my journal cause he has access to that, but I don't know if he would see it and part of me feels like that would be passive aggressive even though that's literally the whole point of having a journal

He tells me he loves me and I know the stress and business has made it hard for him to be around, but it's really hard for me to feel like it's true right now

[alphabet-soup-boy]

I got 30 and I honestly can't believe The Breakfast Club isn't on this list lmao

There were also some that I have technically seen but it was so long ago that I barely remember anything about them so I didn't count them

How many of these movies have you seen that people said “you haven’t seen [blank] yet??” to me about

[alphabet-soup-boy]

Sigh.

When will I get to be happy.

[alphabet-soup-boy]

straight up not having a good time right now

aka the bpd is is bpd-ing and trying to convince me that my boyfriend doesn't want to be with me anymore

Context under cut if you want it

he barely texts and when he does it's maybe 4 at a time at best in most cases

I know he's been really stressed lately, but I also know he's still involved with my ex so I'm terrified that my ex is saying things that I can't defend myself against and that that's making him distance himself from me

What hurts more is that he saw almost this exact thing put me into a bpd spiral my when ex an I were breaking up. I know I should just tell him how I'm feeling but I don't want to put that on him or make him feel bad for being busy. I could write about it in my journal cause he has access to that, but I don't know if he would see it and part of me feels like that would be passive aggressive even though that's literally the whole point of having a journal

He tells me he loves me and I know the stress and business has made it hard for him to be around, but it's really hard for me to feel like it's true right now

[alphabet-soup-boy]

growing up is terrifying i wasn’t supposed to make it this far and now my future depends on me and i have to make wise choices and decisions and i’m just sitting here like a clueless little kid

[alphabet-soup-boy]

it's a little funny, but guess who texted me this morning

literally almost cried myself to sleep this morning over all of this and then i wake up to see he finally texted me. he still loves me

trying very hard to not do a bad thing and start plastering myself all over the internet looking for attention

I'm just so desperate for attention and not only are my boyfriend and I long distance, but the last time we talked was 10 days ago over text. I haven't gotten to call him in around a month

I'm probably just in a bpd trigger and spiraling over nothing, but hhhhhhhh. This hurts so much. I just got broken up with and now I barely hear from the partner I still have. I logically know I'm not unlovable but boy it sure feels like it right about now

It's taking everything in me not to apologize for nothing and then disappear. Part of me wants to do that, another part of me wants to go to various corners of the internet and beg for attention in various ways that could possibly get me hurt, another part of me just wants to waste away in my room, and the final part of me is screaming at the others about how those are terrible ideas and we should not do them

The coping mechanisms are not coping mechanism-ing I fear

[alphabet-soup-boy]

trying very hard to not do a bad thing and start plastering myself all over the internet looking for attention

I'm just so desperate for attention and not only are my boyfriend and I long distance, but the last time we talked was 10 days ago over text. I haven't gotten to call him in around a month

I'm probably just in a bpd trigger and spiraling over nothing, but hhhhhhhh. This hurts so much. I just got broken up with and now I barely hear from the partner I still have. I logically know I'm not unlovable but boy it sure feels like it right about now

It's taking everything in me not to apologize for nothing and then disappear. Part of me wants to do that, another part of me wants to go to various corners of the internet and beg for attention in various ways that could possibly get me hurt, another part of me just wants to waste away in my room, and the final part of me is screaming at the others about how those are terrible ideas and we should not do them

The coping mechanisms are not coping mechanism-ing I fear