always-besides-the-darkest

[always-besides-the-darkest]

[always-besides-the-darkest]

heartbreak hurts but it is an infinitely worse crime to change the character of your soul to be loved

[always-besides-the-darkest]

“you mistook my kindness for weakness” is such a powerful phrase. unfortunately i am both kind and weak

[always-besides-the-darkest]

yippee :D

[always-besides-the-darkest]

*on the phone* “sure thing, okay it’s THREE as in goldilocks and the three bears… FIVE as in five gold rings… SEVEN as in seven deadly sins… TWO as in -”

[always-besides-the-darkest]

“Reunion”

Numbness creeped its way from my fingertips to my digits, palms, and onward. The art museum kept different hours in October, so I was left wandering Reykjavík - not quite in the bustling city center, not quite removed from it. I notice another woman wandering, also carrying an overstuffed backpack. She’s speaking Icelandic on the phone. Is she lost, too?

We’re both trudging uphill when she abruptly stops. I continue walking, but observe her closely. Her head spins left and right, scanning for something…

Or someone.

A second woman catches my eye, also on the phone, also carrying a backpack. She squeals into the phone. The first woman reacts, and a beautiful scene unfolds.

They both drop everything and sprint towards each other. Their bodies collide into a spinning embrace. They’re laughing and crying. I gaze upon this reunion, plucked right from the latest tear-jerking blockbuster film.

I smile in their direction to signal my approval. This grand display of affection temporarily subsides my numbness.

Even so, I must press forward. With no hug in sight, I search for a cup of coffee to warm myself.

[always-besides-the-darkest]

he hugged me

[always-besides-the-darkest]

as much as I love podcasts it is a little concerning how we’ve managed to monetize human conversation

[always-besides-the-darkest]

having a crush obliterates all of my common sense and intelligence

[always-besides-the-darkest]

“Ceremony”

It’s celebration time again. I rotate my body left and right to assess my medals. A big blue badge of honor on my left thigh, a few smaller badges on both calves. For a moment, victory surpasses the pain.

I think back to the day I won my first medal. I rode the elevator to the top floor of the parking garage and stepped into the windy air. I picked a corner of the lot and dutifully unpacked my bag: Long socks, speaker, and my gorgeous new roller skates. The boot was a soft orange adorned with hot pink lines; the wheels, toe-stop, and laces sported the same shade of pink. The skates, along with my pink shorts and 80s vector graphic t-shirt, gave me the appearance of an eager child at the rink. I suppose it fulfilled that fantasy in my mind, weaving and spinning and stepping to the tempo of the music…

My first steps were far from rhythmic, however. Truth be told, they weren’t even intentional. After tightly lacing both skates, I shakily stood up and was immediately forced backwards by a gust of wind. Panic arose. Oh God, how do I stop, I’m gonna fall I’m gonna fall I’m gonna bust my ass -

I fell. Landed on my ass, just as predicted. Yet, undeterred to a would-be onlooker, I got up.

Once again, I stood clumsily. No backwards rolling this time. Progress?

My ankles felt strange. I could slightly wiggle them in the boot to feel the edges of my wheels. I tried lifting my right foot, but my left slid back, causing me to lose balance and meet the ground. The ground and I would be well-acquainted in the coming days.

I could’ve been there for an hour, perhaps two, perhaps three. I don’t remember because it didn’t matter. During that time, the responsibilities, worries, and pressures of my life were nonexistent. I was focused on learning, progressing. By day three, I could control my movement via a basic stride.

In the mirror, I rotate my body left and right. I count five bruises, two of them from last practice. I’m not afraid of people seeing them, because to me they are medals. I won against gravity, triumphed over physics. I won against the naysayer that lives in myself. I fall and fall and fall, but I get back up.

It hurts to fall. It hurts like hell when your wheel catches a rock and you’re violently propelled to the ground, or when you slip and feel the weight of your entire back smash to the ground, or when you try to lean over to one side and land with your hip to the ground - but the hurt gives way to victory.

[always-besides-the-darkest]

I want to dream about you

I want my subconscious to lull me into your presence again

[always-besides-the-darkest]

who tf named the lazy susan like can you imagine going to the store to buy a “casual richard” or a “deadbeat amy”

[always-besides-the-darkest]

wendigoon videos be like: Man Burned Alive for 72 Months Straight

“okay guys, I am gonna have to issue a content warning for this video, if you are squeamish about any of this stuff, click away now —

but before we get into that, let me introduce you to today’s sponsor RAID SHADOW LEGENDS”

[always-besides-the-darkest]

the truth is I’ve never forgotten about my past loves, they just take turns haunting me

[always-besides-the-darkest]

I know a box of hair dye hate to see me coming

[always-besides-the-darkest]

getting up during the new Joker film and loudly announcing “sorry guys I gotta take a folie à DEUX-MP”

[always-besides-the-darkest]

me to myself: it’s rough out here mane