amidnightstar-blog

[amidnightstar-blog]

International Women’s Day and Dating Update 2019.

Hey guys!  Its been a long time, but I’ve decided it’s time for an update.

Time to write the truth and unravel some nasty and disappointing things on dating. 

In the past 3 months, I have met and tried out some dating apps. Tinder, OkCupid, POF and Bumble. These are great dating apps, but the people on there are not. 

Today society seems to believe that meeting someone is only through online dating apps. 

Do not get me wrong! I believe that too because were limitless towards going out and finding someone. 

If you approach someone:

you are creepy.

you come up offensive.

your judged within 5 minutes. 

In the past couple of months, I’ve had some more messed up dates. 

Let’s start story time ! 

1) Rab. 

This was an on going chapter for 3 month’s. We went out and off, but because of working 247 we couldn’t be together. We would pull away and try to keep touch again. He always tried to portray it as physically relationship, but I never let it happen. 

You know it’s not right when someone is trying to rush you into something or only talk about sex only with you. 

Why is it that because your nice girl, guys think they can get in your head. When you stand up and don’t go in their bed then your the bad guy? Your the odd one out? 

Yet these are the people who will come running back into your life, saying that their sorry and begging for another chance to start over. 

NOT ME! I have the the 3 rule strike. 

Mess up 3 times and your out ! Within those couple months it happened ! 

2) Dip. 

This was a short chapter of a friend. We met, again he was a busy guy. Building himself and career. However, he has no time for himself, which instead he wanted a caretaker than a girlfriend. 

Omg..... you know the term man baby... yuppp that’s him. 

Stay on the phone, vent about life, only want to talk about them, they need support, they need help.... 

Any mention about yourself he would reply something needy like this:

“aww... but cmon today I ate an apple and i hated it,” (whaaaaaaat !) 

I decided to end that fast. 

3) Ramin. ( I’m leaving the real name )

The most recent and obsessive one. Within a week asked me out on a date and a relationship.

I have to admit, I have faults in this one believing in him way to fast. EVERYTHING WAS TOO FAST! 

Within a couple days we talked uncontrollable. We were relatable or so I thought. Within time the crazy came out. 

I’m talking about obsession, controlling, abusive, manipulator, begged for money, making you feel isolated from everyone, leaving around 1000 messages in the middle of the night about how your not good enough, and threatening voicemails. 

Within a week I ran! 

Never have I ever been harassed by someone so bad. Not even any of my ex’s. 

This guy used personal information about my insecurity with weight to verbally put me down. Physically harass me. Mentally get into my head. 

He would insult me and call me back saying sorry.

“About how much he missed me. That he wouldn’t find another girl. Messaged and called saying I’m a cow and disgrace,”  the list goes on.

His friend passed away, he blanked me out. Understandable. I offered to take him to the funeral and be there he blamed me for his death.... 

WHATTTT! I ONLY OFFERED YOU A RIDE. I DID NOT SAY ANYTHING.  

Another time, he asked for my help in school. When I texted him only 4 texts asking him about the important dates I got: 

“You embarrassing me, stop texting me so much, I’m not stupid, I don’t need you” 

I only messaged 4 times and spaced out asking what time was the exam, what exam, email me the text book names and if your okay.... WHATTTTTTTTT! 

He need money for school, he became desperate for it. It wasn’t more than 50 bucks, only to find out he was a pot junky that needed money to get it. Even though he swore to pay me back. He kept using that as a way to keep in contact and make me not leave.

The cycle would repeat.... guys I left this guy 5 days ago and never messaged him. Yet he was having this conversation on his own....

Texting me non stop and leaving voicemails. I didn’t want to block him, because I wanted my money back. Eventually this harassment was not even worth that 50 bucks. I got over 100 text messages each night and voicemails being blocked up with cursing, verbal abuse and an apology and it would then repeat. harassed, cursing, verbal abuse and an apology. 

I blocked him on everything and kept it all the voicemail and screenshot the messages. I finally sent one text warning him to leave me alone, before I got the police involved for harassment. 

Today is International Woman Day... 

The reason I’m telling this story is because woman are victims to pig headed mens like this. I refused to feel ashamed or be quiet about unfortunate disgusting acts. 

Do not get me wrong, not all guys are like this. But some will put a woman in such a place where she wonders what she has done wrong?... what she can do to be better?

Today I’m saying this WOMAN WE ARE STRONG. WE HAVE NOT BEEN WRONG. WE HAVE BECOME TARGETED VICTIMS. WE ARE BETTER. LOVE YOURSELF AND BE BRAVE! 

The real award is walking away and knowing better.

The best award is making others aware. 

Walking away from someone toxic like that. 

By staying away from other mistakes like that. By forgiving yourself and accepting mistakes by learning from them. By Making sure woman out there know, this is nothing to be ashamed about, instead be proud you faced it and moved on from it. 

Don’t let anyone put you down or put you in such a place again.

You are stronger. You are wiser. Your are one step closer. Believe, dream and be you ! 

I’m letting go of the anger, the past, the hate, I’ve decided to be the bigger person and move on. 

Let it be a learning lesson a bad dream and never let history repeat itself ever again. 

Guys and Girls please respect each other. End the games and be truthful, karma and problems will catch up to you and let me tell you it won’t be pretty. Happy International Women’s Day ! 

[amidnightstar-blog]

Dating 2# 2018

UPDATES: Remember the story on Ramadamadingdong ? 

Yeah that idiot! He decided to message after 2 weeks, to apologize and start over. 

HA TOLD YOU SO! (Asshole) 

Not to be cocky, but they always come running back.

Why? Because no one wants to deal with a little boy like that. Your grown ass self should have learnt earlier. To be honest it felt great for him to come running, because I actually forgot who he was. I gave him a nice reminder of my “kind” words.... Let’s just say he will not be messaging me ever again. 

ANYWAYS! 

Dating Part 2 

Let’s begin the search again. 

I met someone new. Someone interested. However, once again only lasted a little while. 

Hmmmm... let’s name him Harry. Let me give you a little insight on Harry, super hot. long hair, beard trimmed on point, tall, built body and killer smile. Personality: he was a flirt, funny, honest (at the time), open minded and adventurous. 

BUT... As much as their good looking and nice it never last! 

Don’t be fooled by the pretty looks and charming words.

My mistake...I make over and over again. 

Men I have to give it to you, you guys know how to charm woman. The confidence and the humour. Open minded and making connection. Congratulations you got an opening! Although, you know what you all lack? The ability to keep that charm, conversation and attractive appeal. Maybe it’s just me, but it doesn’t last. 

Let me explain, this boy treated me like a queen for lets say about 3 days. The deep conversation, the whole society and norms, woman in society, men in society, dating, online dating, using and abusing, single moms, family friends, career, future, doggies etc all these talks. He was good. These conversation were interesting and we had a similar mindset for each topic. Flirting happens and attraction increases. 

This is when men think they know you, that they can now be their true self because your all about them. Giving them the attention that they want, the flirting and being comfortable around them. 

(This is when you have your guard down men) YOU THINK WITH YOU DICK. sorry it’s true. 

Men why are you so obsessed with sex !?! Can you not talk about anything else. Sex drives you that crazy and that all you can think is sex sex sex sex..... 

BRO WAKE UP. You start that shit a woman will leave. 

What we like is conversation. 

Yes sex conversation are fun. Yes we love sex too. 

ALTHOUGH NOT 24.7 yes I literally mean 24 hours talking about Sex. CMONNNNNNN YOUR KILLING ME ! 

Now ladies, when you avoid the talk of sex or avoid it then conversation dies out ? Doesn’t it? Yupppp welcome to the guide of boys who try to use the nice guy card to cover the I NEED TO FUCK YOU card. I said it... I did... I’m not sorry. YOU GUYS ARE USING THE SAME TRICKS AND NOW IT’S IN A SHORTER AMOUNT OF TIME.

You want a woman in bed and sex, why don’t you go on some kinky site, porno’s or even a sex club? Have fun ! 

But if your trying to get I don’t know a normal girl with morals, relationship who’s looking for partner please leave her alone. No one likes game. Especially me. 

Why? It’s so immature and I will play you back harder. 

I will tell you the every truth about yourself in such a harsh way and make you think twice. 

That’s what I did. I do not regret it, because this isn't the first guy I have done this to. 

I will be honest about 98 guys I’ve only talked to within 3-4 days will do this. Does not matter if online, in person, through friends of friends this is some new game. 

These guys get hurt by one girl and decided this is the last resort and want to hurt others. 

No please guys a message from ladies, stop with the games and your dicks in your head. Man up, own up, be yourself without obsessiveness with sex. 

Guess what you will score more ! Also, find something more valuable as well.  More to come........ 

[amidnightstar-blog]

Dating 2018

Well welcome to my Dating Life ! This is something that I will be posting a lot on my page. I think it’s time for the world to know about my fail dating. The types of boys I meet 

(Yes boys because I do not think this is what men are suppose to be like ) 

Lets Begin ! 

Date 1 of 2018: Ramadamadingdong.

I met him online, yeah I’m trying the online dating right now again. 

I’m not going to reveal where I met him, because I don’t think it’s the website fault. 

This started about a couple days ago.... yeah it already crashed ladies and gentlemen. 

Ramadamadingdong ( That’s his name I have creatively made up ) messaged me and wrote me a paragraph. Yeah. A paragraph from a complete stranger of how he is an amazing guy! (Not). Looking for the same qualities and dreams. How he is not the douche bag and wants a relationship and a perfect partner! (lies, lies lies)

Now if your me, you have heard these lines before. Although this was different. I got an essay why he was. 

My fault and weakness I have the ability to look for the best in people. Impressed by his words, I decided to give it a try..... FUCKING WORSE MISTAKE. 

So anyways, we started to talk and we actually had a lot in common. I have not dated anyone in a long time, so I felt pretty great to have a connection with him. 

One thing lead to another and we started talking on the phone. Oh man are phone conversation were amazing ! We could relate and laugh about a lot of things. I felted connected with him in such a new way than other guys. However all great things must come to an end.....

This is when boys decided to test the waters to see a girls sexuality. This means a girls interest anything and everything about sex, her body, her pleasures, her desires and her fantasy, how many guys she’s fucked, if she wants to be fucked and the list goes on. 

Oh yes! Your thinking WTF or some of you are thinking OMG SAME GIRL! I’VE HEARD THIS ALL.. Yupp that’s my life. 

I’m gonna pause on the story, because this right here pisses me off. I get that sex is exciting, but please boys I DO NOT WANT TO ONLY TALK ABOUT THAT 24.7 

I get it your horny and you want sex ! I do to, but I’m not obsessed about it. This is just desperate and sad. Sex should not be cheap, shouldn’t it be a build up of passion? Something private and intimate in the moment, when things are right? Why is it okay to just start, rather than getting to know someone? And when you want to change the conversation it dies out, because all they want to do is talk about sex? 

-Cough, Cough- THERE ARE PORN, HOOK UP, TINDER AND SUCH GO TALK THERE PLEASE. 

Sorry, back  to the story ! 

I decided to keep it calm and answer a few of the questions. That lead to more questions, even if I tried to change conversation. I won’t lie pillow talk is sexy and a turn on, but boys that’s not all I want.

You know what’s sexy a real conversation. 

Anyways after a few nights of more talks and these pillow talks this boy is head over heels with me.  

“You know your my girl” 

“Tell all the other guys your taken” 

“Forever Mine”  

“I have never met a girl like you in my life” 

“were perfect together” 

“baby when were in a relationship etc” the list goes on. 

My reply, guess we will see and work for it. (Let’s face it, I have trust issues. I do not trust guys). 

The next couple of days, I start joking around. I call him cutie. Good morning messages. Idea’s of things I like or he does we should one day. No never have I said lets go on a date, be in a relationship, labels or the dreaded question what are we ? Why because all I want is to get to know him. That’s it. 

Now get this, today I decided to ask does me bringing up future idea’s scare you? Him: Yeah your being too much too soon. why are you trying to label us lets take it day by day, I promise nothing other than talk no expectation. 

BRO BRO BRO BRO BRAH WTF JUST HAPPEN. 

Who said all these lines before ? I make one joke about hoping one day you could see me preform at my dance performance, I’m being too much. WHAT!?! I did not even ask you out or make a proposal! I asked you to come to watch me dance and apparently that was too much too soon. I know about your past and it seems like you get attached too quickly. (LOL) 

Yeah this pissed me off. 

The conversation continues that I’m just turning crazy and too much. That I need to calm down and get over it. If I didn’t I could just leave and he wouldn’t care...... wow 360 much. But let’s face it, I DO NOT NEED YOU.

This is what get’s me. These guys who think they have some higher power over girls. No. Just No. You do not know me. You do not know my story. I can show you my beautiful amazing side, but I can also show you the hell and fire I have been through. 

I refuse to be walked all over by guys. I have many times, but not anymore. Just because I won’t have sex with you, pillow talk, give into you demands or change myself to be your perfect girl doesn’t mean I am any less. Guess what bitch, I’m my own queen. Self love and self respect. I know what I want and what I deserve. If I cannot find someone to fit that spot then I do not need you in my life. Simple as that ! 

I won’t lie. Each time it hurts. Each time it’s devastating. Each time it’s depressing. But guess what it makes me stronger, wiser, and tougher. I know more of what I want and what to watch out. I’m ranting it out right now, because no matter how much I try to look in the better for guys, this is usually how it ends up turning out. Guys think with their dick and only with it. Leads to their ego. I wish I could tell them to shove it up their asses, take it back out and eat it. I do not have time for stupid games and immaturity, but sadly this is guys today and it’s just sad. 

In the end, I gave up. I blocked him after giving him a sweet message ;) 

You didn’t think I wouldn’t give him a piece of my mind, before I ended it did you? What pushed me was throwing up my past. I told you things to understand and not use as a threat or to hurt me. BRO YOU FUCKED UP! 

“You are a coward. I don’t need a coward in my life. I love how you do the typical let’s blame the girl and make her sound crazy, because I do not know how to live up to my actions and words. Let me just tell you, your like all dudes thinking with their dick only to have sex. You knew that’s all you wanted but you saw a challenge and went for it. News flash you kind of revealed that when you were horny. Also, I want to be able to talk to someone and have conversation with them not them running away. Lets end this because were looking for different things and I could care less at this point when you said to walk away.” BLOCKED! The End. 

I wish guys were different but I hate to say it this pattern is the same. Prove me other wise, I would love to see. More Fail Dates to Come ! 

[amidnightstar-blog]

Failed Date ?

Well, it’s been officially 3 years since I’ve been in a Relationship.... yeah what can I say, I took some time to myself and then I’ve met the douches on top of douches.

Oh c’mon, don not be like that’s my fault! I picked the douches. Trust me what I say CRAZY FOLLOWS ME ! 

Yup, I said it! I attract the weirdest, confusing and crazy guys all the time. Does not matter about their age, race, look, type is always some crazy ass story. 

Recently, I decided to go back and try online dating. (UHH OHH) 

I know it’s better to meet someone in person, but lets get real no one has gut’s , time or courage to do that. 

If someone comes up to you, you think their a stranger and creepy. 

You go to a bar or club everyone is looking for a good time and hook up. 

If you pressure someone for their number, then your desperate. 

The list can go and on. 

Lot’s of people are on online to find someone, to social, mingle, hook up, date, friends and even relationships. 

Me... I had one connection with someone online. 

Guess what? Biggest mystery of why we didn’t work out is still a mystery. 

Literally, we hited it off amazing online. Exchanged numbers. Non-stop phone calls and converstations. 

You know when you can just talk to someone for hours and relate about so many things that conversation just flows.... yup that was us. 

Every day we talked, skyped, deep converstations about flaws, fears, goals, future talks. ( Sounds too perfect doesn't it, wait for it ! ) 

We decided to go on a date, man was it even perfect. Mini golfing, movies and dinner. We laughed, played, got a long even more perfectly. 

Oh let’s not forget the chemistry was there for sure.... what happens at the movies stays in the movie ;) 

Dinner was amazing, to a point he even helped the staff he was charming and surprised me with my favourite flowers LILIES ! yeah I was shocked that this date was working out. 

The next day we planned a picnic by the lake and spent the day talking non stop. We had dinner once again and made some more plans during the week. 

A week past by, we got closer, kept talking on the phone, meeting and for sure I could see this working into a relationship. 

Little did I know it was coming to an end..... 

I dropped him home one night, he kissed me, told me to call when I got home. Half way driving, he calls asking if I was driving safe and that he misses me. He went to drop his cousin to work and then was going to skype that night. I waited.... no messages, no calls answer. I fell asleep. 

Next morning, no answer again. I waited. I worried. 

Two day passes, no messages, no contact, not online. Broke my heart in fear and worries. 

Third day, I get a message from him saying his brother was in an accident. That he was in the hospital with him. 

(Backstory, his brother was in a gang. He never got along with his family, moved away because they were toxic in his life, he wanted a fresh start). 

Of course I wanted to be supportive, so I said I would come, be there, get food anything he needed. He calls me, asking if I was mad that he didn’t contact, I avoided it but told him I wanted to see him. He told me he was coming in an hour. I waited again. He calls saying he’s getting food for his dad he would be there in 45 min. 

45 min turned into 3 hours. Into 5 days. No contact again. No messages. No calls. After 5 days, I get a message: Move on. I’m not ready for this anymore.

No explanation, to call, no answers. He disappeared from everything. It was seriously like he never existed. Its been 1 year, I still do not know what happen or where he went. The guy who was head over heels with me. Who said he would never disappear, that guys were cowards not to be straight up, who talked to his family about this was wifey. Announced to the world and random people this girl was an angel and his.... yeah that guy. He left leaving me with a mystery. 

Can you solve it ? 

[amidnightstar-blog]

Dating

Well here it is, let’s begin the “ Dating “ part of my life. 

My life is seriously some next movie, when it comes to dating, love, relationships and guys in general. 

Lots of my friends said my love life would make some good movies. 

Some love, thrillers, mystery, heartbreaks and dramatics all the way around. 

I’m a hopeless romantic, what can I say? I dream about finding the guy that best fits me. Someone I can spend the rest of my life with. Not saying i’m ready for marriage and such but more so exploring life, adventurous, travel and grow my best version with. 

I’m going to start recording my new dates, the stories and my thoughts on guys, dating sites and my views ! Stay Tune for some laughs 

[amidnightstar-blog]

[amidnightstar-blog]

I wish I could be this photogenic.

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(Source)

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Toast ideas

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20 Minute Pasta Carbonara

Follow for recipes

Is this how you roll?

[amidnightstar-blog]

Parents

Well I decided to start with my parents .... 

My life when it comes on this topic is a rollercoaster. I think many of you can agree with me. We can love our parents, but we can also hate them. 

Now everyone says “Don’t say you hate your parents” believe me this is a hard topic for me.

 I would say that at my stage in life right now I’m thankful to them, but I also can’t forgive and forget.

 I love them and I have decided to move forwards, but what do you do when the same patterns start again ? 

Well readers I’m about to open up my life story about my parents. 

I’m Caribbean, grown up known as living in a Guyanese household. Although, my family is very different, culture values, norms, decisions and choices vary. 

Lets Start from the Past: 

Mom: She came from a traditional household. A single mother, two younger brothers who acted as the dominant figure, cooked, cleaned, always obedient, no friends, did not finish school and always stayed at home.

Dad: He came from a large family household, three sisters and eight brothers (Which also included their children and spouses ... yikes grandma and grandpa), not much supervision, sneaky, movie lover, dancing, bars, friends and worked his ass off, went to school and lived a bachelor life. 

How they met... ARRANGE MARRIAGE. 

Two opposite people adapted and settled in Canada. 

Mom learnt more and converted more modern, while Dad kept to his clubbing, drinking and bachelor life... until ME! ( I changed that ladies and gentlemen). 

Enough about their backstory....

Growing up was hard, based on my parents life choices and decisions. Mom was always very traditional but also did not want me to repeat her life. She wanted me to have freedom and experience new things. Mom wanted me to be the perfect daughter or should I really say “ A Doll” to show off to the world. Mom is funny and sweet. Always trying her best to please everyone. She cannot say she loves you, but we tries in her own ways. In a way, I always felt she was jealous of the bond me and my dad had. She always wanted us to bond like that... but it never works out.

Dad was controlling aka Mom would only got $50 out of her pay check. He was the man of the house and she would ask permission for everything. Dad is not a bad man, but can be very controlling. My dad was more laid back, anything you needed you asked, very funny, made you laugh, movie lover : we both bonded and if you just wanted to escape thought he was the man to make it happen. Me and my Dad were Best friends. My mom and him where that cute couple that you would envy and barf at the same time.. However time changes and so do people. 

I guess this is where things get messy.

To be Continued: 

Emotional Abuse 

Body Shamed 

School 

Cheating 

Health 

[amidnightstar-blog]

Healing

[amidnightstar-blog]

Always Remember to Love Yourself First

[amidnightstar-blog]

Writing is 53% saying, “What if?” and 47% saying, “That’s an awful idea. Let’s try it.”

(via bookeworm94)

[amidnightstar-blog]

My Life

Well, I’ve decided it’s time to start sharing my life. Who knows? Maybe someone can relate? Be entertain? Understand..... Something. It’s time to tell my story. Where to start? Where to begin.... 

( Warning ! My life literally is a movie ) Now lets start ! 

I’m a dreamer. Ever since I was small, I would believe in my prince charming, dance around, believe I could make a difference in the world, be care free... Man was I wrong. When life hits you... IT HITS YOU! 

I’m going to write about each chapter of my life. It may be in order or switched around about various events that has happened. Cope with me. 

Lets break this into entry logs: 

Parents 

Failed Dates 

Relationships  

Health 

Body Shame 

Fears 

Accomplishments 

Dreams 

Future Talks

Coming Soon ! 

[amidnightstar-blog]

Yesssss

[amidnightstar-blog]

Welcome !

Hello, my name is Mandy this is my world. I'm random, cute, funny and full of thoughts. Most people know me as a friendly individual and that's always my vibe. This page will be full of my thoughts, my life, my health journey, good and bad love life and what anything else I want. Stay Tune !