amycessaz

[amycessaz]

“Beatrice” by Julie Marriott. Acrylic on canvas.

[amycessaz]

On the blog name...

Present, Loving, Playful: my current mantra! Not quite in the sense of a core belief, but more of a personal reminder of the qualities I think are needed to be happy. Many theories and equations of happiness have drifted in and out of my head, but this is the one I have landed on and it has stuck with me for the longest so far – though not only am I willing to accept an evolution of this mantra, I think in all likelihood it will change as I grow and learn. However, for now, it’s the best I’ve got so I’ll have a go at explaining my three ingredients.

  Present: I came across this component through meditation a few years ago. I went through a stage of scouring the app store for lifestyle apps, which looking back now I realise was my way of coping as a teenager in need of guidance and answers in a scary new world of growing independence. In the seemingly unlimited potential of mobile apps and reddit communities to answer all my problems I did in fact come across some gems. Included in this is the now very popular headspace app which gave me a brilliant introduction to mindfulness. I went through the ten day beginners course, and at one point a eureka moment hit me: I am almost never present in the moment. I would go through each day walking, eating, working, watching tv, scrolling on my phone and basically spend all of that time mentally elsewhere. The eureka moment was so strong because I was suddenly very aware of where I was, my surroundings, and how my body felt. I felt this euphoria that brought me back to childhood and I even began to cry.

  Playful: This compenent grew from the realisation that children have an abundance of pure happiness that seems to be so effortless to them. And that was it: happiness has to be much more effortless and much less serious. I thought about how in my euphoric moments I almost felt like I’d been transported back to childhood. Although I knew that being present was a part of the distinction between then and now, I felt that there was something else to it (especially since I know I didn’t spend my childhood sat still meditating). As life becomes more convoluted in adulthood, so too do our emotions and social expectations. Adulthood is defined by a kind of seriousness and restraint which is often necessary in a busy and rationalised world. However I believe we shouldn’t shun parts of ourselves for the sole reason that they are ‘immature’. I look to children as inspiration for living happily and their light-hearted, curious, and exciteable interaction with day to day life is the other aspect of childhood that rose tints those glasses. This isn’t to say that childhood is a constant joyous frolic, but that there is a form of pure happiness that many adults feel is lost to them, that I believe can be reached again if we relearn how to play! I want to add this idea was also partly inspired by the youtuber and sexologist Dr Lindsey Doe, who has a gorgeous way of enthusiastically and playfully framing sex and sex education – her mantra is ‘stay curious’!

  Loving: my last beautiful ingredient is Love <3. Very recently my mum passed away, and what carried me (and carries me) through is a powerful and enduring love that is mine and my mum’s bond. As she left me, she was in a way replaced in my heart by a legacy of her motherly love for me. For a short while I almost felt overwhelmed as she wasn’t there to receive love back from me and I was teeming with it. It didn’t take long before I realised that I instead could give my love to others, be them friends, family, strangers, animals, down to plants and objects. Something had shifted in me and suddenly inspirational quotes and religious teachings on boundless love starting making sense to me. This is especially the case in terms of the reading I had done on Buddhist teachings which I believe allowed me to quickly understand I could externalise that love. Although I had always loved certain family and friends, something I am still not quite able to explain changed and I felt a sort of celebratory untainted love that flowed easily back and forth exponentially between myself and everything outside of myself. With this came a still growing love for myself which I had never felt before. Now I have felt the glow, I know without a doubt that this is a vital part of being alive and well.

  I still need to remind myself of these goals every day – I suppose that’s why it is my mantra, – I by no means have perfected them. In the future I would like to write more about these three things as concepts and how to go about manifesting them. I also would like to show my love to those who have lost family members but were not left with a secure sense that they were loved; some people never learn to love properly. What I am sure of is that every person deserves to receive unadulterated love and I hope it will be found in other places.

[amycessaz]

Welcome to my blog!

I suppose I am here welcoming myself too, not just to this blog but to the world of blogging! I am creating this new beginning today due to a realisation that came over me very recently listening to a beautiful podcast series on womanhood and empowerment. As much as there has been catharsis for me in thinking or writing thoughts and theories out to myself, I came to see that without external support and validation these ideas rarely blossom into external action. And there’s nothing wrong with that! We are naturally social beings and I see it as an inherent part of that.  On that note, a goal I hope to achieve in this blog is not only writing an honest account of my perspectives on a variety of subjects, but to do so without self flagellation or guilt. I believe honesty with oneself is always the first step to growth. A bonus to this venture would be the possibility that I provide something written that someone out there can connect with and feels understood.  The subjects I will likely cover include sexuality, nature, empowerment, self love, spirituality, art, relationships and a variety of social justice topics. I am very excited and I can’t wait to see where this blog will journey to!