an1mewe1rdo

[an1mewe1rdo]

Rin and Hiori only hooked up for fun. It was college after all; now isn't the time to settle down and get serious with one person! But that didn't stop him from letting himself dabble in the thought of what a relationship with Rin Itoshi would be like.

"Hey Rin," Hiori clutches Rin's blanket as he turns around from where he was previously facing the wall. Rin aggressively pulls his sweats up his legs before grunting as a form of acknowledgement.

"Why won't you ask me out?" Hiori knows Rin heard him, but he doesn't say anything. Hooking up with Rin always sounds fun in theory but it leaves Hiori with an empty feeling. Like he's losing a part of him each time.

"When are you leaving?" Rin flashes his eyes up to Hiori's before looking away as fast as he looked at him when he noticed the familiar wide eyes staring back at him. Hiori dryly swallows, dropping the blanket to reveal the darkened marks contrasting his pale body that prove as evidence from their previous activities. Hiori wasted no time getting dressed, he wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.

The cold wind that hits Hiori like a punch is weirdly enough like fresh air to him. Well, anything was better than being in the awkward silence that he created.

Hiori knew better than to get emotionally involved with someone who thought of him as no more than a late-night call.

Or at least he should have.

Even the thought of having a relationship with him was forbidden. It was like every time Hiori tried to hold his hand afterward when they were both breathing heavily and staring at the same ceiling. Not allowed.

Maybe it was the yearning for true love Hiori never got from his parents that was possessing him to have these thoughts.

In an odd, twisted way, Rin was like Hiori’s parents.

Unable to love someone who could only be a waste of time with nothing to offer.

[an1mewe1rdo]

It was safe to say Sendou let the alcohol consume him. His original plan for his night out was to invite Aiku, either have him blow him off for a girl or agree to get shitfaced with him, dance a little, flirt with a couple girls and maybe a guy or two, then head back home and try to sober up so he wouldn’t have to face the consequences of a pounding headache in the morning.

But, as soon as Sendou step foot into the bar is when he realized that this bar was clearly not tonights hot spot. Sure there were plenty of hot girls and guys and the dance floor was packed with bodies but the entire atmosphere seemed rather..depressing? He voiced his opinion to Aiku quickly registering it was a bad idea when Aiku clicked his tongue at him and nudged Sendou’s arm with his own.

Maybe it was his imagination.

He tried to drown out the thought and feeling of whatever was making him sad by buying drink after drink. He put every single one on his tab not worrying about it figuring if he flirted hard enough with a guy he could get them to pay it off.

“What’s got a pretty boy like you all worked up?” Some rather attractive guy slipped into the seat next to Sendou waving over the bartender signaling for another drink. Perfect.

“The friend I dragged to this place managed to find a date quicker than I ever could. Now I’m sitting alone like some loser.” Sendou pouted, downing the rest of his drink.

“I guess we’re both losers then.” Sendou smiled. Maybe this guy could also be his way into a good hook up.

After Sendou got a couple more drinks into him he realized that this guy whose name he learned was Barou was more than just a guy offering to get him drunk for free. He was actually a great listener. He could even persure a career as a therapist with how he nailed down Sendou’s problem.

Sendou’s dad was like any other. He’d support Sendou during his games, take him out to eat, slip him crisp twenties here and there, he even took him to a World Cup game when he was fourteen! But like many, he had a drinking problem. Once he got started there was no stopping him. Sendou spent countless nights offering his dad glasses of water, putting a trash can near his dad so he’d have something other than himself and the floor to throw up onto only for Sendou to be met by a glass bottle shattering on whatever body part was closest to his dad.

Sendou hadn’t noticed how long he was voicing his opinion about his “shitty excuse of a father” until Barou stifled a yawn and snuck a peak at his watch to check the time.

“Sorry, I didn’t even know how long I was talking about him,” Sendou forced a smile and pushed back the bitter memories of his father, focusing his attention on the attractive man in front of him.

“No worries. To me it sounds like your more afraid of turning into your dad than anything. But clearly you can see how well thats going.” Barou motioned his eyes to the many empty glasses set on display in front of Sendou and averted his gaze to the dance floor when Sendou kept his mouth shut.

“Listen, I think you should head home. If I were you, I’d try to find your friend and have him walk you home, you can’t afford an uber with the amount of money you spent on alcohol tonight.” Barou ruffled Sendou’s hair and left Sendou to process what happened. He was just treated like a kid by a guy he thought he’d be heading home with and on top of that he didn’t even pay Sendou’s tab.

He slammed his hands on the counter and tried to escape the loud atmosphere but couldn’t make it far without stumbling and almost meeting his fate on the sticky floor. A large hand was placed on his shoulder and the other curled around his waist and Sendou was about to shove off whatever lousy drunk had used his clumsiness as an excuse to feel up on him before he recognized the green hair sticking out the end of the guys neck. Sendou relaxed into his touch and allowed Aiku to drag him out of the bar into the empty streets.

The cold wind immediately hit Sendou, forcing him to sober up just a little bit. Aiku was talking but Sendou wasn’t paying attention. He was only talking to distract himself. Sendou laughed at the thought.

“Are you even listening to me?” Aiku stopped both of them in their tracks and watched as the cold air left Sendou’s slightly agape mouth. Aiku shook his head and tightened his grip on Sendou, leaving Sendous hand to continue dangling around Aiku’s neck and his limp body slightly hunching over as he stumbled over his own feet with every other step he took.

Sendou was grateful when he arrived at the familiar apartment that he often found himself at to pre-game before a night out, have a movie night, simply hang out, or went to when he was to drunk to head back to his own apartment that was further away.

Aiku thought it was unusual for Sendou to be this quiet when he was drunk. Typically when he had alcohol in his system it made him even louder, fuller with confidence to say whatever he wanted.

But tonight was different. Sendou’s eyes were still glossy and half-lidded like how they were when he was drunk, but they seemed flat, devoid of emotion. Aiku sat on the opposite side of the bed looking at Sendou’s back and watching how his figure went up and down as he inhaled and exhaled.

Figuring he was asleep Aiku carefully tip toed to the bathroom and tried his best to quitely turn on the shower.

Sendou was not asleep.

He stared outside the window that offered a view of dimmed street lights and empty streets with cars occasionally passing by.

There was no point in denying it any longer, he was turning into his father.

He went out for drinks every weekend, found any excuse to drink during the week knowing it’d come back to bite him in the ass during training, and even started drinking alone. He claimed it was “for fun” but really it was because he couldn’t function without it.

Every minute of the day he was craving it and he chased the feeling of the burning stinging that hit his throat once he took a shot. Sendou quickly shook the thought from his head even though he’d already accepted the fact.

He knew that he’d repeat his same routine tomorrow night.

[an1mewe1rdo]

Who was Alexis Ness to turn down free alcohol? When Michael Kaiser offers you shots, you either take it or take off. And Ness took it, especially if Kaiser was offering it. He didn't regret accepting the shots that were filled with God knows what until he was sobbing on the floor of Kaiser's dirty bathroom floor.

Kaiser had been kind enough to drag him to his apartment, but he wouldn't be him if he didn't leave Ness to cry to himself on the floor. Ness was just grateful he had the decency to shut the door so Kaiser couldn't see him like this. It was embarrassing enough he was in the apartment of the man who was cause for his drunken sobs.

It seemed that no matter what Ness did, it was never enough for Kaiser. Ness accepted long ago he'd never live up to his standards but having to live through it was becoming hell.

Ness was used to being degraded by Kaiser but the teasing from his had become unbearable when Kaiser found out about the crush Ness had on him. Ness tried ever so carefully to keep it a secret but once he got alcohol in his system, he was a never ending trainwreck leading him to drunkenly babble to Isagi about it. Isagi claimed it accidently slipped out during a conversation with Kaiser and that he never would've said anything if he was sober, but Ness knew better than to believe the lies that were spewed out of Isagi's mouth.

The bathroom floor grew in comfort the more Ness cried. He clutched the towel that Kaiser threw him earlier when he shouted something about getting throw up everywhere. Comfort was now a rare thing to Ness. He was in college now; there was no one to coddle him. When he even got an ounce of it, he tried to hang onto as long as he could.

Which would, once again, explain why he was cradling his knees to his chest trying to stifle the never-ending tears. At some point Ness would have to get serious about his life, stop skipping classes to drink alone. It would all become more unacceptable as the years went on. He's already suffered enough with being sloppy drunk more than once at Kaiser's dorm.

"Fucking hell Ness, when are you going to get your shit together. I need to piss." Kaiser kicked at Ness's curled up leg in order for Ness to acknowledge his presence. Ness brought his eyes up from the floor to Kaiser's figure that was towering over him. Kaiser scoffed when Ness shoved the towel in his mouth to muffle the sobs instead of answering him.

"Your fucking pathetic Ness." Kaiser shook his head as he left the bathroom, not bothering to shut the door to give Ness his dignity.

The worst part wasn't even Kaiser telling Ness he was pathetic. The worst part was that it was true.

[an1mewe1rdo]

hi your tiktok showed up on my fyp 😭 (fyp too local)

omggg hiii i cant believe i found someone this local

[an1mewe1rdo]

When Megumi first met Gojo he thought he would finally have a stable parent in his life, but once again he was wrong. Gojo didn't exactly have a gambling addiction like his biological father, but his problem was never knowing when to put the alcohol down.

So, it was routine for Megumi to come home and see Gojo stretched along the couch with a bottle in hand. Gojo didn't spare Megumi a glance as he shuffled in the kitchen. Megumi noticed he hadn't stocked up in groceries since a couple weeks ago, but he never failed to have another bottle of some ridiculously expensive alcohol stashed in the cabinet. He found that every day that passed by Gojo resembled Toji more and more. A useless deadbeat waste of talent. When was the last time Gojo even completed a mission?

"Whatr'e you doin?" Gojo slurred, not bothering to turn his head to look at Megumi.

"Looking for food we don't have." Megumi mumbled the last part, afraid Gojo would start another drunken rant about he didn't have money for it. Megumi couldn't begin to fathom how naive Gojo thought he was to believe that. He was Satoru Gojo, of course he had money. The apartment they lived in showed that.

Megumi was beginning to fall into the warmth of his bed, the only thing that seemed to offer him comfort these days before hearing his door slam against his wall. He knew it could only be one person, Tsumiki was at her friend's house. He didn't offer Gojo the satisfaction with a reaction knowing he was only looking for attention. He laid on his bed facing the wall waiting for Gojo to break the deafening silence.

Instead, he only heard the creaking of his bed and the feeling of him sinking deeper as Gojo sat next to him, his legs hanging over the edge of Megumi's bed. Megumi turned over and replicated Gojo, sitting with the headboard supporting his back.

Gojo turned his head not expecting to see green eyes already staring at him. He tried opening his mouth to apologize, beg for Megumi's forgiveness, anything, but the words were trapped in his throat. Sometime between the silence the sun peeked its way through the blinds, casting a glow on Gojo that made Megumi feel weirdly sympathetic for him. Maybe it was that Gojo didn't have his blindfold on, exposing the deepened bags under his eyes, the crinkle near his eyes, the lines near his mouth that reached his nose, or the eyes that were once filled with happiness and color were dull and lifeless.

"I'm sorry kid." It was hard to believe what seemed to be empty words when Megumi could smell the alcohol on his breathe even with the distance between them.

"Sometimes I miss him and," Megumi rolled his eyes before Gojo could finish his sentence. Here he goes with this mysterious guy. He never actually says his name which irritated Megumi to a point he couldn't even explain.

Megumi was sure if he explained the sight in front of him to anyone, they would call him a liar. Megumi had The Strongest Sorcerer, Gojo Satoru, crying in his bed, seeking comfort in a child he took in.

Their conversation went back and forth with Gojo vowing to never put his lips to another bottle and Megumi asking why he ever would when he knew the responsibilities he carried. Gojo pulled Megumi into a tight embrace that carried onto Gojo's calloused fingers drawing circles on Megumi's back.

Megumi could only pray Gojo would keep his word. After all, they did seem to have this conversation every month like clockwork.

[an1mewe1rdo]

Blue was everywhere. It was the color of Ness's unintentionally favorite pen, it was the color of the bottle of cologne he used every morning, his school uniform was even a dark blue for fucks sake.

But the blue he wanted was no longer with him. Blue was with a new group of people who Ness never saw him with before. Blue had girls he never once would've given the time of day to attached to his hip. Blue had forgotten about Ness while Blue was taking over his entire life.

Ness thought that with the breakup came the forgetting of him, but it only seemed to remind Ness more. He couldn't view his bed as a safe place anymore for it was once where Ness had revealed all he had to offer to him only for him to shove Ness off when he attempted to cuddle him after completing an act he found rather disgusting than full of pleasure, like people said it was supposed to be.

It seemed like every corner Ness turned, there was a reminder of what he used to have. A reminder of all the sweet things that blocked out the arguing, hitting, and the occasional phone throwing whenever Ness had done something to really upset him.

But he could live with that. As long as there were memories Ness had to look back on to remind himself of the sweet boy he once had in the beginning, before it went sour.

[an1mewe1rdo]

tw; self harm

Megumi wasn’t depressed, he was just a bit sad. The problem at hand though was that he'd been sad for months. And the only way he could think of to make himself feel better was by cutting himself.

He thought about what a cliche his entire situation was. Stoic emo boy is sad for months and he cuts himself to get rid of the pain.

That never stopped him though. After every inconvenience he knew he could count on his razor.

His razor that gradually pressed deeper into his skin with every passing second. His razor that would make him bleed to the point he'd have to bandage it. His razor that'd he'd curse for making him wear hoodies in the blazing heat of summer. His razor that would bring up concern for the number of bracelets he wore.

"These are sick! When'd you get all these bracelets?" Itadori was carefully examining the bracelets that hid Megumi's left arm. Megumi knew at any second if he tugged at one to harshly, it'd fall and he’d see the mess Megumi made of himself, the true him.

"I've had them for a while. Let go your hurting my hand, Yuuji." Megumi tried not to sound too angry with the invasion in his personal space.

"I'm not done looking-woah! Do these go all the way up to your shoulder? They look like they never end!" Megumi fought every voice in his head shouting at him to tell Itadori let go and stop touching him.

"Yuuji, please. I wanna go back to my room." Megumi complained, trying not to sound like he didn't want Itadori around. Truth be told, he wanted him around all the time. He never wanted to leave his side. Except now when he was moments away from seeing every cut, healed and not, Megumi had.

Itadori dismissed his whining and continued to investigate his bracelets.

"It's been five minutes, I think my bracelets are thoroughly inspected."

"Wait there's one more I want to look at." One more my ass, Megumi thought. That was his response every time Megumi pointed out exactly how many minutes he'd been holding him hostage.

The two continued to bicker back and forth until Gojo disrupted them.

"Heyy you two, what's the problem?" Which was code for don't tell me, just quit arguing.

"Your annoying student doesn't understand the concept of personal space and won't leave me alone." Megumi snatched his arm away from Itadori and left them behind as he walked to his room. Megumi tried to ignore Itadori's response of "He's been so mad with me recently. I try to give him his space but everything I do pisses him off." and Gojo's mumbling of "I don't know what to about it. I'm hoping this is just his angsty teen phase and it'll pass."

So that's what everyone thought of Megumi. It was clear now. They didn't consider what he could be going through. They only thought of him as a rebellious, angry teen. Not a human being with emotions.

But that's okay. He didn't need to seek help or talk to anyone about what he was feeling. He could carve his emotions in his skin.

His pale skin that became filled with cuts and scars everywhere. A reflection of his emotions if you will.

His skin that he would force to take every cut, deep or not.

The skin he was currently pressing his razor into until he could see yellow, the sign that if he goes any deeper, he'll be in trouble. With every passing second blood was drowning his arm, but that didn't matter.

What mattered was that this made him feel better.

[an1mewe1rdo]

Rin never thought of what he did as crazy, he thought of it as blowing off steam without having to physically take it out on anything. Now, he'd never act on his thoughts but whenever his parents lectured him, he couldn't help but think of what'd he do to them.

"You never talk to your dad with respect," Rin's mom was lecturing Rin because apparently, he gave him attitude all the time. When will this fucking bitch shut her mouth, he thought.

That was another problem he had. Whenever he was mad, he became more vulgar. And his thoughts became more violent.

Often times he thought about killing his parents or them dying. His favorite scenario was them getting hit by a train going at full speed.

He wasn't even listening to his mom anymore, just spacing out on her eyes so it looked like he was attentively listening. Instead, he was thinking about how the Menendez brothers even had the guts to kill their parents. Rin chuckled slightly knowing they must've felt the same rage Rin does right now, enough to make them go through with the plan of murdering their parents.

"You think the way you acted towards your dad today is funny?" Rins thoughts were swiped away hearing his moms change of tone in voice. The seriousness was clear in her voice. Rin did in fact not realize he let out a laugh, thinking it was just in his head. Luckily, his mom didn't argue with him about it, since she just loved to defend her good-for-nothing, cheating, shit father of a husband.

Rin wishes he had the courage to kill his parents. He knows Sae Itoshi, the soccer prodigy, the favorite son, could've done it.

[an1mewe1rdo]

Ness didn’t necessarily miss his ex, but he wished things could just go back to how they were.

Ness missed Kaiser's lingering touch whenever he'd pass him something and his fingers ran over his, the way his hand would reassuringly squeeze his thigh when he clearly nervous, he missed all of Kaiser, but he missed nothing about Ness.

Kaiser was Ness's only friend. When he started going out with Kaiser, he dropped all of his friends. He devoted all his time to Kaiser. He did everything Kaiser asked. It was all about Kaiser, Kaiser, Kaiser.

Until it wasn't.

They broke up on January 29th and Ness successfully lasted until March 25th before spiraling into madness. And sadness. He couldn't nail down his feelings, but it felt like a mixture of both.

The slightest thing triggered his emotions, but it was the first interaction they had since the messy break up.

They were in class and the teacher forgot to hand them both a worksheet. They arose from their desks at the same time and made their way to the teachers' desk where she instructed every student who didn't get a paper to get one.

Ness reached his hand out to grab one, but Kaiser beat him to it. He defeatedly put his hand back to his side and planned to wait until Kaiser was done grabbing his paper.

His plan was interrupted when he saw the familiar tattooed hand in front of his eyes. The same hand that he used to run through Ness's hair. Ness quickly grabbed the paper, afraid that Kaiser would take it back if Ness didn't snatch it. Ness muttered an awkward and to quiet "thanks" before rushing back to his seat.

He felt out of breath when and his heart was pounding by the time he was sat in his seat. It's not like he ran a marathon; he wasn't sure why he felt like this. Did Kaiser feel like this? Did he even miss Ness at all?

Ness shamefully looked in Kaiser's direction only to find him laughing with his friends. He caught a glimpse of Kaiser's teeth when he laughed a little too loudly. The same teeth that used to clash with Ness's whenever they'd kiss too quick.

Kaiser recently dyed his hair again, still the same color just a touch up. Ness wondered if he got a friend to do it for him or if he went to a stylist. Whoever it was though should be deemed lucky to even get near Kaiser.

Ness didn't know he was still admiring Kaiser until he recognized the eyes looking back at him. The same eyes that used to soften whenever Ness was around. Ness felt a rush of excitement from the attention but remembered he shouldn't, because Ness isn't his anymore.

Ness was a memory. Nothing more than a failed relationship.

[an1mewe1rdo]

Sakusa sat crisscrossed on the couch in the living room. The T.V was turned off and he was able to see his reflection in it. The lack of sun and dim lighting admitting from the almost burnt-out bulbs weren't helping Sakusa’s funky mood he was in. The living room was so empty, so devoid of life that it made him sad. It wasn’t always like this, was it?

“Kiyoomi, come on! Help bring the chairs into the living room!" Kiyoomi's sister begged him from where he comfortably laid on the couch. He dramatically rolled his eyes knowing she wouldn't stop bothering him before joining his brother in the kitchen where he held a chair in each hand.

"We've tried to build a fort every day and every time, without fail, it collapses. When will she learn?" Kiyoomi's brother whispered to him making sure their sister won't hear him. Kiyoomi laughed thinking about how yesterday they almost perfected their fort, but his brother tugged a little too hard on a blanket causing the domino effect for every other blanket.

He carried the last chair to the living room and waited for instructions from his sister.

"I think we just need to put a chair in every spot where the blankets lay low and for the corners of the blanket, we can tuck it under the legs of the chairs." His sister said, resting her hand on her chin. When his older brother gave her the look of approval they got straight to work.

Kiyoomi and his older siblings spent an hour before their tent was made according to his sisters' specifications.

"Put a chair in the middle, the blanket is literally touching the floor." His sister directed her demand towards his brother. He grumbled something prior to aggressively shoving a chair under their fort. His brother walked out from under the fort and to everyone's surprise it didn't immediately come crashing down.

His sister jumped up and down in joy as Kiyoomi and his brother looked at each other, laughing to themselves. They were about to begin the task of putting pillows on the floor of the fort to act as a cushion before their sister pulled them both into a group hug.

"Ugh-let go! I'm losing my balance!" Kiyoomi's brother groaned in his sister's ear.

"Seriously, let go-" He was soon cut off by the crash of a chair hitting the floor. The beginning of his fall started with him landing on top of a blanket then ended with him hitting the floor, bringing down the chair that the blanket was tucked under.

"You ruined it!" His sister screeched.

"You wouldn't let go!" His brother pointed a finger, still on the floor.

Kiyoomi watched his siblings bicker going back and forth, laughing at the ridiculous sight.

He took moments like that for granted.

Now, his siblings were moved out, their rooms replaced with newly painted walls, their closets were cleaned out, their rooms were stripped of their personality which was all Kiyoomi had left of them.

Now, their living room was clean. The blankets were neatly folded and placed behind the couch. The chair that held a permanent dent from his brothers' fall were replaced by new, expensive chairs.

Sakusa kept his eyes on his reflection of the T.V, wishing that he could relive moments like that. Before they changed, before they cut contact with him, before they left him behind, before they forgot about him.

[an1mewe1rdo]

Sakusa let the weight of the pill lay on his tongue. He could feel it dissolving every second but he never took it out his mouth.

"You good?" Atsumu had turned his head so he could get a good look at Sakusa. Sakusa didn't satisfy him with a reply until he realized Atsumu wasn't going to look away until he said something.

"Awesome." The sarcasm was clear.

"Yer’ such an ass. Can never give me a real answer." Atsumu laid back against the couch, his head flopping on the cushion. What the hell was Sakusa supposed to say? When he agreed to hang out with Atsumu he didn't expect to be on his couch, taking a xanax like it was candy.

An hour had passed when Atsumu and Sakusa could feel the effects of the xanax finally catching up to them. Sakusa's shoulders were less tense compared to how they were when he first arrived and Atsumu had changed positions entirely. His head was resting on the arm of the couch while his legs resigned in Sakusa's lap. They stared blankly at the T.V in front of them that played a cartoon.

"Used ta' love this show. Watched it with Samu'." Atsumu slowly slurred as if he was having trouble talking.

"Mm." Was all Sakusa had to offer in response. Atsumu leisurely turned his head to look at Sakusa. This was the calmest he’s seen him considering he always had a resting bitch face or was extremely concentrated in practices and games. His hair was a little messy from going straight to Atsumu’s place after practice. Atsumu would even argue that he looked beautiful like this.

By now Sakusa felt eyes boring into the side of his face. He turned his head ever so slightly until he was staring back at Atsumu. Neither of them dared to say anything, comfortable in the silence they created.

“You’re not so bad when you finally shut your mouth.” Sakusa said quietly, barely allowing Atsumu to hear him. He found pleasure in watching the heat rise to Atsumu’s cheeks and ears. Atsumu searched his mind for a reply but everything he thought of saying would’ve ruined the mood. Luckily he didn’t have to say anything because he saw Sakusa’s mouth open once again.

“You don’t have to say anything. I see you looking at me during practice when you think you’re so slick.” Atsumu was taken back by the undeniable accusation.

“Maybe the drug is tricking you into thinking all the times I was looking at the ball I was actually looking at you.” Atsumu felt like the words were taking hours to come out his mouth and he was relieved when his mouth was shut.

Sakusa smiled at him and brought Atsumu’s legs back into his lap realizing they fell sometime during their conversation. Atsumu relaxed into his touch and they enjoyed this night together, silently vowing to not bring it up after this.

[an1mewe1rdo]

itoshi brothers/if sae went to the military

Rin loved soccer, but he loved it more with Sae.

Although he’d never admit it, Rin loved knowing that him and his brother shared the dream of becoming the world’s best strikers. At least they used to share that dream.

Rin couldn't say he knew everything there was to know about his brother, but he thought he knew the basics such as what Sae wanted to do with his life. Becoming the world's best striker was no longer his priority, but joining the Marines was.

When Sae gathered his family at the dining table, the last words they expected to come out their son and brothers' mouth was,

"I want to join the Marines." Of course, Rin was devastated. He planned his entire soccer career around Sae. His parents on the other hand, they carefully masked their disappointment. Ever since Sae was a kid it was all about soccer, so why the sudden change?

July 16th was when Sae left for bootcamp. Rin would never forget that date. The drive to his recruiter's office was excruciatingly long. The entire day felt like a fever dream from waking up at 5:00AM to the drive home. Rin would argue that the drive home was worse than having to say goodbye to his brother. It was silent with occasional sniffling from crying. Usually on a road trip, his parents would break the silence asking him or his brother questions leading to a conversation that would only end when they reached their destination. But from now on that wouldn't happen. Road trips would be silent, the house will be quieter than it already was, and there would be no more late nights spent with Sae. Since it was summer Rin would sneak to Sae's room and check if he was awake, which he almost always was. They would talk about anything for hours on end without getting bored.

But last night was different. The night started off normal with them sparking up a conversation about soccer but drifted towards different topics as the night carried on. It was 3:47AM. Rin couldn't forget the time of his mistake. How could he when this was his biggest regret? The topic of bootcamp came up when Sae admitted he was scared. Obviously, he had done intense training for soccer, but he knew what he was going to experience would be nothing in comparison to the calm soccer camps he had attended. As this discussion went on Rin could feel the tears swelling up in his eyes and his throat becoming sorer by the second. Rin was grateful when the conversation ended, and the room fell silent. He said goodnight and made his way towards his room. As soon as the door behind him shut, his eyes became a waterfall. What was he going to do without his brother? He was the only person he had in his life. In everyone else's eyes, including Rins, Rin was a social reject. He had no friends, and definitely no life outside of soccer and his brother. So there Rin sat on the floor, his back against the door, with endless tears streaming out his eyes.

July 15th was a mistake Rin would have to live with for the rest of his life. Rin knew it was Sae's last day home. Possibly the last time he'd ever see him again. Rin knew Sae hated his family, why would he visit home? Even with that information in mind, Rin ended his night with Sae early.

Rin knew deep down that he only left his room because he didn't want Sae to see how weak he was. Sae wouldn't hold him in his arms, reassure him, and wipe his tears for him, he'd awkwardly stare at Rin as if he had three heads. These words would always remain unspoken though. Rin could never admit the reason he made what he claimed "the biggest regret ever" was for his own selfish reasons.

[an1mewe1rdo]

tw; self harm

It was no secret Megumi hated his body. Everyone caught on with all the jokes he made about himself saying how he was eating too much, he needed to train more, and with the gagging in the bathroom.

It was hard for Itadori to ignore the noises with his room being directly next to Megumi's. Even though Itadori knew what Megumi did, there was a silent agreement to never talk about it. That same agreement went for every time Itadori caught a peek of Megumi's arms. Every day there seemed to be more, like Megumi was trying to cut the fat from his body. He knew he needed to tell someone before it got out of control and, God forbid, Megumi tried to kill himself. But he couldn't betray his friend like that. He knew Megumi would cut contact with him completely if Itadori told someone, even if it was for the best. So the answer was simple.

He'd let Megumi slowly destroy himself every day, little by little.

[an1mewe1rdo]

Komori wasn’t sure when he started to hate his cousin, but he knew it was around the time people began to only refer to him as “Sakusa’s cousin.”

Komori watched Sakusa's face as they stepped onto the court. They worked so hard to make it to the last round of nationals, yet Sakusa couldn't even muster a fucking smile, even if it was fake. Komori grinded his teeth to refrain himself from starting an argument with his cousin about how ungrateful he looks among the rest of the team gleefully smiling even if the nervousness was obvious in their face.

Of course, Itachiyama won. It was too late at night for any restaurant to be open though, so the team agreed to eat together tomorrow. Everyone parted their ways while Komori and Sakusa headed in the same direction to the parking lot. Sakusa's parents offered to take Komori home and he gladly accepted. They threw their stuff in the trunk and relaxed into the comfortable seats of the car.

"So? Good game, huh?" Komori nudged Sakusa's shoulder as he grinned.

"I guess. I could've played better." Komori rolled his eyes at his stoic reply. Here goes his self-pitying act. Even though he could've left it at that he decided to entertain Sakusa tonight.

"Yeah, almost fucked up on getting us our winning point." Komori figured this was the only safe dialogue option, making a joke and calling him out on reckless playing.

"Like you were any better. You played so terribly I don't even know where to start." Sakusa scoffed at Komori and turned his head, looking out the window. Komori shrugged off Sakusa's empty words and whipped out his phone. He made the mistake of going on Twitter where it was all highlights of Sakusa's playing. Of course he did what any other person would do, read every single one of them. Each time he clicked on a new article he felt heat bubble to his face. He was sitting next to what an article called him, "Itachiyama's Star Player: The One Carrying His Team to Victory." Like he scored most of the points, Komori thought. A while ago Komori picked up the habit of counting each point Sakusa scored so he could beat him in the next game. It started off as a silly game that quickly escalated to Komori basing his playing skills on how much points he scored rather than his technique. For all the work Komori put into volleyball he should be on the same level as his cousin, not grouped into the players who got lucky enough to snag a spot on a team that played as great as they did. One article in particular even referred to Komori as "The Cousin Who Got Left with No Talent." How ridiculous was that to say about the top high school libero in Japan? These people act as if Sakusa's the only one on the court, like he's the only one getting their team points. Komori was the one who introduced Sakusa to volleyball. Komori should be getting praised for practically creating who Sakusa is today.

Komori hated his cousin so much he wanted to be him.

[an1mewe1rdo]

Megumi was in fourth grade when it first happened. He was at the school's book fair with Tsumiki. The selection was quite boring this year, so he opted for following his sister around. She started to ramble about the absurd price of something, but her words were drowned out by Megumi. He was struck by a feeling as if he wasn't in his own body. He wasn't sure what came over him in that moment, but he felt like he was watching himself through another person's eyes. He hadn't known he'd been stuck in this state of mind until he was sat at a table with Gojo. Ever since Gojo took Megumi and Tsumiki in, it'd become a weekly routine for the pair to review schoolwork every Friday.

"Megumi?" Gojo twirled the pencil in his hand waiting for a response from him.

"Hm?" Megumi snapped his head up upon hearing his name being called. Megumi didn't hear Gojo's next question, being too distracted by the suffocating feeling that was him being inside his body. He felt like his skin was choking him and he itched a particular spot until it began bleeding. He wiped the blood on his jeans and focused his attention on Gojo.

“Megumi seriously, I need to know if you have this concept down. Math only gets more confusing as you learn it.” Gojo rubs his temple, visibly frustrated with Megumi’s short attention span. Megumi looks down at the paper filled with unfamiliar equations. He doesn’t remember learning any of this.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah what, kid.”

“I get it.” Gojo forces a smile at the confirmation and pushes the chair out from under him filling the room with a squeaking noise. Megumi watches him slam the door to his bedroom before crumpling the paper and throwing it in the trash.

Megumi knew he would soon return to that state, a foggy mind, not remembering anything, it’d be a much more peaceful life if he could just stay like that forever though.

[an1mewe1rdo]

In all honesty, Reki was tired. Tired of getting asked questions about why he quit skateboarding, tired of being asked why he won't make a new board for someone, and tired of getting asked what he was going to do in life if not skateboarding.

Everyone who plans to skateboard their entire life is an idiot, he thought. He could understand if Langa decided to do that but even Langa wasn't guaranteed a successful life in skateboarding. Everybody had to go to college, get a job, and stick with that career for the rest of their life. That was the problem. The end of Reki's high school career was inching closer and he still hadn't decided what he wanted to do.

Eighth grade is when adults started asking what he planned to do in the future. He expressed an interest in Psychology and even took a Psychology class freshman year. He thought he finally found his calling but the more he researched about it and as he started his AP Psychology class in sophomore year, the more he was turned off by Psychology. He ended up switching that class for an art elective. He hated art but not more than staying in a class that he loved but didn't understand.

When he picked up skateboarding it was only because he needed an outlet. He needed an escape from everything. Of course, he'd dream of becoming a pro skater and making it in the Olympics, but that was a foolish dream. The final nail in that coffin was when Langa came along. Reki taught him everything he knew yet Langa was still better than him. After seeing how well Langa was doing, Reki knew it was time to quit. Skateboarding had controlled his entire life; at some point he had to get serious about his future. His skateboard became a mere decoration in his room. A reminder of what he would never compare to.

[an1mewe1rdo]

It started with Isagi, Rin, Hiori and Nanasae all practicing together but ended with Isagi and Rin laying on the floor, exhausted, while the other two remained on the field. Somehow the match turned into Rin and Isagi competing against each other, ultimately ending with the duo burnt out when they were nowhere near the end of training. As Isagi pesters Rin, he wonders why he ever agreed to train with them anyway.

“Come on Rin! You have to have a thing for someone here! You can tell me!” Isagi practically wiggles his eyebrows as he sits cross-legged in front of Rin who’s in the same sitting position.

“Even if I did, which I don’t, I wouldn’t tell you.” Rin growled back. Isagi leans in closer to his face and smirks.

“Is it Chigiri? He’s basically the default crush for everyone since he looks like a girl.” Isagi whispers. Rin gives Isagi a look signaling for him to drop it. Isagi defensively puts his hands up and backs away from Rin’s face. They sit in silence, neither bothering to break it until Isagi follows Rin’s eyes trying to figure out what he’s been looking at since they sat down. He does all but jump up and hug Rin when he figures it out.

“HIORI?! I think it’d be awesome for you two to get together!” Isagi lowers his volume when he saw Rin’s face, unsure if it was from embarrassment or Hiori.

“Shut up lukewarm idiot! I don’t have a thing for that guy.” Rin fights the urge to punch the smirk off Isagi’s face. He notices Isagi’s mouth begin to open and concludes that whatever he says next will only embarrass him. With this information he gets up to practice with Nanasae and Hiori, thinking he left Isagi behind until he feels a hand on his shoulder and whispering in his ear.

“I’ll talk to him for you.” Rin pushes Isagi off him and ignores the blush creeping up to his ears and cheek. In just a week Isagi managed to have Rin and Hiori eating together, training together, and sneaking around to see each other away from everyone else.

Bachira sets his tray next to Isagi who’s third wheeling the couple.

“I’m guessing that’s your doing?” Bachira puts on a familiar grin pointing his finger to the pair in front of him. Isagi catches Rin’s eye and watches as he whispers something to Hiori.

“Ah. Young love.” Hiori says loud enough for Isagi to hear but quiet enough for Bachira to not hear as he flails his arms while telling a story.

“Shut up, a week ago you guys weren’t even speaking and look where you are now.” Isagi whispers low enough for Bachira to not realize they were having an entire conversation without him.

“What I’m hearin’ is that you want us to repay the favor.” Hiori switches his look between Isagi and Bachira. Isagi rolls his eyes, secretly hoping Rin and Hiori will keep their word and repay the favor for Isagi and Bachira.