ana-mytinydiary - Tumblr blog

[ana-mytinydiary]

I wish my brain would stop sending me mental scenarios of suicide methods on my own body..

[ana-mytinydiary]

Everything is my own fault.

I do it to myself.

I ruin things before I even have a chance for them to begin.

I manifest my own nightmares.

I am at my own fault of why everything in my life has happened.

I did it to myself.

So, I lay here for the last 42 hours, doing nothing but thinking the same thoughts.

“I’m an idiot. It’s my own fault. Im so dumb. I really thought maybe someone would want a baby with me.. or a marriage for that matter.. it’s my own fault. I ruin it before I can even enjoy it. I just upset people. I only stress them out. My happiness is too overwhelming and no one wants to see it. My joy is too loud and no one wants to hear it. Im dying inside but no one wants to see it.. but it’s my own fault.. I did this..”

There’s an aching in a chest I feel only a blade could itch.

There’s a thought in my head only a bullet could silence

There’s an ugly darkness within me that only bleach could remove.

And so this is depression.

[ana-mytinydiary]

*gets my period*

Me: oh cool I'm not pregnant

Ana: yeah but you're not skinny either.

[ana-mytinydiary]

I feel like there’s nothing left to care about.. I can’t kill myself because of my little brothers and sister yet I can’t stand it here feeling as though I’m always wrong, everything I do is wrong, my existence is wrong. I feel like not eating is the only thing that makes me smile a little bit..

Everyday I wake up to my silly little morning, hate my silly little life and self destruct my silly not little body <3

[ana-mytinydiary]

I’m back... idk if it’s a good thing or not but I’m here and as motivated as ever.

Y’all my feed is dead as fuck, please interact if you’re an active ED account. (June 2022)

[ana-mytinydiary]

I’ve reached a point in my life where I can’t stand the idea of eating. I want to be so skinny I just disappear. Or drop dead. Either one is fine by me.🙃

[ana-mytinydiary]

[ana-mytinydiary]

Accurate

Tfw you suck even at your hobbies and instead of them distracting you from how much you hate yourself, they remind you exactly why you do.

[ana-mytinydiary]

reblog if ur ed has caused you too to fuck up your relationship w a friend/family member/significant other

[ana-mytinydiary]

Darling, you can eat. Oh? You’re worried about calories? Here are some options💕

A cup of fruit

Cucumbers with a bit of salt/lemon/pepper

A serving of shelled edamame

Rice cakes/rolls

Ice pops /Italian ices /low cal ice cream

Tomatoes with salt and pepper

Popcorn 🍿

Sweet mini bell peppers with or without hummus

Single serve bags of pretzels with or without hummus

A fuck ton of salad greens and other veggies/fruit some low cal dressing or use lime a hit of oil and salt and pepper

Apple sauce unsweetened

Carrots with or without hummus

Dark chocolate

A hand full of nuts/seeds

Broth/soup

Pickles/Olives

Sautéed veggies(use water bitch)

Dum dums

Baby snacks

Tortilla pizza(use the tortilla as pizza dough, add whatever toppings)

Low cal noodles with whatever the fuck you want on top of it

2-3 homemade tacos

Nachos(bake the tortillas, or just crush a hard taco)

Baby food/snacks

Roasted seaweed

Toast with/without toppings(strawberries, low cal cream cheese, spinach and onions)

Vegetablessssss

Oatmeal( I like to use 1/4 cup and make that bitch expand, throw in blueberries, cinnamon, and 2-3 packets of Splenda)

Grits(savory version of oatmeal)

Apple juice or smoothie juices(if you can’t stomach eating, drink it, 110 calories-350. Just sip through the day)

Coffee and tea with popcorn(my favorite)

Add to the list in the comment section, regardless of if it’s vegan or not, help our community out!

[ana-mytinydiary]

All summer I was 119 lbs. not happy but content. A week before Halloween I was 139lbs. Someone kill me now. A week after Halloween I’m at 126 lbs. I’m still going. I can’t quit no matter how hard anyone tries to make me. My new boyfriend is especially watching my habits.🙃 it’s not a disorder it’s dieting.🙃

[ana-mytinydiary]

Still wondering.🙃

Maybe..

Maybe someone will worry about me the way I worry about everyone else.

Maybe someone will love me the way I love on them.

Maybe someone will take care of me the way I take care of them.

Maybe someone will hold me the way I comfort them.

Maybe someone will help me the way I help everyone.

Maybe someone will watch out for me the way I do for them.

Maybe when I'm skinny. Maybe then I'll finally matter enough to anyone..

[ana-mytinydiary]

Lmfaoo I really had this idea that maybe he loved me. No. He legit said, “at least I can still fuck her. That’s still going for me.”

3 years down the drain with the realization that he didn’t care about me for me just that I fuck him, cook for him and clean after him. Glad to know that’s all I’m good for.😔

[ana-mytinydiary]

I used to have so much. So much enthusiasm. So much happy. So much love for myself and others. I used to be happy. I dont know what happened..

[ana-mytinydiary]

can y’all fucking stop making those “reblog to stop binging”,”like to lose 10 pounds overnight” people are so insecure out there and wanna lose weight and it’s killing them everyday and you’re using that for some fucking reblogs ?????? it’s sick please stop

[ana-mytinydiary]

So, I recently got braces. Not exactly too bad. Not much pain. Hard to eat, as if it was easy before.

It is, however, a PERFECT excuse to refuse foods now. I can stay on a liquid diet and no one will question me. I can fast because, "I'd rather NOT struggle to eat food."

Still I need advice or some suggestions. What is good and easy to eat with braces. I honestly have no calorie restrictions personally, as I'm already eating minimally. I don't care about carbs at the moment. BUT low sugar if not sugar free, not sticky, not crunchy/hard and no junk foods. Its a difficult request, I understand but any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated. Help me out, please.❤

[ana-mytinydiary]