aniti-i-tano

[aniti-i-tano]

People with endometriosis and endogenics meeting on #endoblr

👭👬->👯‍♂️👯‍♂️

(Get clubified)

[aniti-i-tano]

Just woke up from a month long episode hello

Plurality is not being able to tell if you're having an episode, had an epiphany, or you're just another guy.

Often I feel I've had identity epiphanies where like a switch something just changed. It felt like that a month ago when I had my first sui attempttt

And now it happened again but like Im back to normal, epiphanies are so strange..

Plurality is strange

Episodes are strange

Burlgh

[aniti-i-tano]

Please please please don't click those phishing texts

[aniti-i-tano]

Scarlet Macaw (Ara macao), family Psittacidae, order Psittaciformes, Costa Rica

photograph by Jayanth Sharma

[aniti-i-tano]

Scarlet Macaw (Ara macao), family Psittacidae, order Psittaciformes, Costa Rica

photograph by Jayanth Sharma

[aniti-i-tano]

[aniti-i-tano]

NOT JUST THAT EITHER

I went in last session (the one where she assigned me this) talking about suicidal ideation.

Its random, big mood swings that come out of nowhere but my partner suggested that it could be caused by stress. (Which no) (it's not)

So here's my counselors course of action:

"Let's try stress as a trigger. Let's just see how that feels"

*gives me an assignment that stresses me the fuck out*

"Try and avoid stress and see if that changes anything"

*GIVES ME AN ASSIGNMENT THAT STRESSES ME THR FUCK OUT*

Dude counseling is such a trip man cause like from the very beginning I thought "this isn't gonna work"

And to be frank--- I dont think I'm wrong lmao.

I told my counselor I have bad memory and a hard time with emotions. And she assigns me a mood journal.

I'm supposed to fill in the emotion I'm feeling in four hour increments. I remembered to do it once one day and filled it all in. I remembered some of it.

But now it's Tuesday and I'm filling in for Sunday. Want to know what that looks like?

6am - 10am ~ IDK

10am - 2pm ~ IDK

2pm - 6pm ~ IDK

6pm - 10pm ~ IDK

Boy it's like she wanted me to fail-

[aniti-i-tano]

Dude counseling is such a trip man cause like from the very beginning I thought "this isn't gonna work"

And to be frank--- I dont think I'm wrong lmao.

I told my counselor I have bad memory and a hard time with emotions. And she assigns me a mood journal.

I'm supposed to fill in the emotion I'm feeling in four hour increments. I remembered to do it once one day and filled it all in. I remembered some of it.

But now it's Tuesday and I'm filling in for Sunday. Want to know what that looks like?

6am - 10am ~ IDK

10am - 2pm ~ IDK

2pm - 6pm ~ IDK

6pm - 10pm ~ IDK

Boy it's like she wanted me to fail-

[aniti-i-tano]

Identity is such an interesting concept as not only an ever evolving system, but as someone who is inconsistent self wise in general.

Identity has always been touted as this strong central thing to a person but what even is it? It's treated as something concrete but its as if it doesn't even exist to me at all.

Labels never made sense to me because, why coin yourself as something if it's just going to change a few days later?

I see now that is not a normal occurance!

What does identity mean? How does one make an identity? How does one keep it? It never made sense to me

[aniti-i-tano]

[aniti-i-tano]

Yeah I'm sick, but I just gotta let it clear the system, yakno?

| Later |

Hickey: clear.

Sally: hmmm. It passes!

Random violent voice: It clears.

| The sickness has now been cleared by the system--- welcome a new alter!! |

[aniti-i-tano]

Yeah I'm sick, but I just gotta let it clear the system, yakno?

| Later |

Hickey: clear.

Sally: hmmm. It passes!

Random violent voice: It clears.

| The sickness has now been cleared by the system--- welcome a new alter!! |

[aniti-i-tano]

I talk to myself nonchalantly the way that people talk to themselves nonchalantly---

Unknowingly.

[aniti-i-tano]

Plurality is:

Existing without a name -> signing the hosts dead name -> introducing yourself with a new name -> creating new names with every new account

[aniti-i-tano]

I never felt really comfortable with a singular consistent identity and nothing ever felt really right, plurality gave me the tools to feel comfortable in the we's/us of who we are instead feeling stuck to the I's and the singular !

Tell us something positive about your system/alters/headmates/plurality:

We'll go first. If it wasn't for our system and the ability to relieve each other from fronting there's no fucking way we'd be half as functional as we currently are with the excruciating level of pain we're in. So god damn thankful I don't have to do this bullshit alone.

[aniti-i-tano]

Birthdays are so interesting because like

"Thanks for the birthday wishes for someone who hasn't been around for who knows how long.."

"Thanks for the birthday wishes, we haven't felt like that name in years."

[aniti-i-tano]

poster for your poster needs (grossly oversimplified but i'm going for broad strokes not intensive academic rigor)

free to use, repost & reproduce, no credit necessary