antisaclownbug

[antisaclownbug]

The thing is that I’m just choosing between human known genders and if I’m picking on earth it’s male. But in space it’s definitely something else.

[antisaclownbug]

Starboy, back at it again

You look mighty fresh,

Young and sparkling in the Rollarena lights

A purple star on your cheek,

Right near a freckle

Glitter under your eyes

Hair fresh and bleeding with purple sweat

Chest tightly compressed

Face red

You look mighty fine

In that shirt

And you know it

Head held high as you fall,

Under the disco lights

Laughing, you can’t skate for anything

Your friends whizz by with gleaming eyes

Another messy star

Right below your shimmering collarbone

Look at you, you shine

Chest tightly pressed against itself

You look mighty weak,

Coughing up a lung

Scarlet faced and dismissive

Her hoops have aliens in the middle

They seem like they’re laughing

She’s looking at you,

Expectantly,

And you laugh,

And it’s hard to, with your lungs bound so tight.

And you look dazzling when you tell her,

You’re fine.

You tried to lie,

“I’m not even…”

You stop.

She tells you it’s bad for you

You wave your hand and laugh

“It’s bad for you to keep pushing”

Her concern gets lost in the din

Everyone’s laughing

But now you feel it

When you couldn’t before

Your makeup looks worse in the bathroom lights

Your ribs hurt more when you’re not laughing.

And you want to rip off the planets,

That are sticking defiantly to your chest

Still you shimmer in your euphoria

At home, where lights are brighter

You look mighty worn,

Not fresh

Sweat blurs the stars,

You’re asleep on your feet

And your postures jacked

Protecting your rib cage

From yourself

And you look at him in the mirror

And you see him,

shimmering

Beautiful

Naked

You feel shame for a moment

Why should you?

You’re just as you want to be.

Cold water hits your sweaty red skin

Gradually warming

Till the stars wash off

[antisaclownbug]

[antisaclownbug]

I will be absolutely fine until “lady may”by Tyler Childers comes on.

SOMEONE GIVE ME MY BOYFRIEND RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

[antisaclownbug]

BRO HUNGERS

[antisaclownbug]

RAHHHH SLAYS

as soon as I saw this vase in the store a few months back I knew I wanted to paint a clown face onto it, specifically a pierrot, and I finally go around to it this week ❤️ I'm so happy with how it turned out, I use it as a pen holder and it looks great on the shelf next to all my clowns

[antisaclownbug]

RAHH ALIEN

[antisaclownbug]

Kitchens

I wonder how it's easy for you to love me.

You never seem to hesitate.

My insecure questions garner such a baffled look.

“It’s okay baby.”

You tell me I can always complain.

I still hesitate, I don't want to taint your light.

Turn your clean kitchen messy.

I was never taught to clean.

You pass me the dishes and talk me through washing them.

You wipe down the counter tops when I grow too tired.

When my complaints escape my lips,

you smile.

You truly don't mind.

You’ve told me this,

so much,

and you are not a liar.

So I will believe your genuine words and

learn how to clean the kitchen.

[antisaclownbug]

OKAY?!

People talk about grieving for a loved one.

A family member, a friend, even a lover.

But they never talk about grieving for yourself.

Grieving because your teenage years were lost being in bed and covered in tears.

Grieving because the little kid inside you never got what they deserved.

They don’t talk enough about how self-consuming and destructive it is.

You breathe,

But you’re not living.

You grieve,

But you’re not six-feet-under.

[antisaclownbug]

My math notes frfr

[antisaclownbug]

What if i cry???

To belong somewhere is to feel seen.

Home,

Home is where you feel seen.

Where you can cry,

Shout,

And even then, you’ll be seen as the human you are,

Not like “The person who cried and shouted.”

At home,

You’ll know that your reasons for that were seen more than your reactions.

To belong to someone, is to feel known.

To be known by someone is to receive white roses because they know you don’t like the red ones.

To be known by someone is to be reassured by them because they know how you doubt yourself.

Less than that,

And you don’t belong in that house,

You don’t belong to that someone.

[antisaclownbug]

A love I have never seen before seeps from your eyes. A gentle kindness that brings me to my knees. I have only seen them through a screen but I think they are the most beautiful eyes to exist. I hear your voice through a speaker box, but it still warms my soul. The most loving boy. You are the most loving boy I have met. You are the sweetest thing that's ever been mine. You love me like loving is easy. You love like you have nothing to lose. You love like you have everything to gain. You love selflessly. You love me. How utterly bizarre.

[antisaclownbug]

The Cowboy and the Rattlesnake

There was a cowboy,

With long hair and and a warm smile,

Riding in the hot hot desert.

His eyes shined like the hot blue sky and he would never lay down to rest.

There was a rattlesnake,

By his lonesome.

Slithering in the hot sand.

His teeth were quick to bite and his eyes were small and mean.

They cowboy layed down to sleep,

In the hot hot desert.

The night became frighteningly cold.

The horses were quietly breathing.

And the fire was smoking low.

In the cold cold night.

The snake came slithering.

Towards the warmth of the embers,

When he arrived he found something warmer.

he found a glowing cowboy.

His heart was pumping blood into his warm warm body.

The cowboy felt a slithering,

In his sleeping bag that night.

But he was not frightened.

For when he looked into his eyes,

The snake began to change,

His scales turned to skin

His fangs melted to teeth.

His poison turned to sugar.

He looked up at the cowboy,

Then he settled in to sleep.

[antisaclownbug]

HALLOWEEN ART

[antisaclownbug]

Some extra content of the birthday post

[antisaclownbug]

I just be missing my man