aro-and-trans-thoughts

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

HEYYY

I'm planning on posting more stuff in here, but in the meantime, here's my art blog!!! I just started it, pls go check it out!

@fefintheafternoon !!!!!

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

Weirdest trans experience I've ever had: Made new trans friends thinking they also realized I'm trans too and then a month later I say smth about hrt and they go "I THOUGHT YOU WERE CIS????"

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

i am so late to koisenu futari but me and my friend will be watching the finale next week and i'm so excited. THE SHOW IS JUST,, SO OPTIMISTIC? and kind and comforting and warm. even the painful moments are balanced with a kind of catharsis that makes you,, hopeful that things will work out.

whether you're aspec or not, this show tries to understand everybody. because it's a show that ultimately explores and dismantles amatonormativity. which affects EVERYONE. and by trying to understand how it can affect one's happiness, and how it can limit their future, we be more considerate towards each other.

i love this show, 10/10 i want to write them all having chaotic adventures in ikea

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

So. Important thing I haven't mentioned for some reason. I STARTED HRT!!!! WOHOOOOOOOOO!!!

It's been around 6 months since I started It. 6 MONTHS. Time flies. Wow. I just. Wow.

And yes, I've noticed the changes!!!! Lots of them, for sure.

Every time I remember It I'm just. Wow. Like. Really? Really??????????

I have LOTS of things to say about all of this, but I'll leave them for other posts.

Sometimes I still can't believe It ❤️

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

I haven´t had much interesting aro stuff to talk about in this blog so I stopped posting as much, then I remembered that I changed this blog to ALSO be about being trans and oohhh I have many things to talk about now. that's it that's the announcement.

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

when i was still religious around the age 13, i wanted to tell my parents i was aro or ace and i tried to explain it and my pastor dad looked me dead in the eyes and said "ohhhh so like jesus"

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

Being aromantic isn't like being colourblind because you "have a narrower human experience 😢" or "you see the world in black and white 💔" or whatever but being aromantic is exactly like being colourblind because most people don't even know what it is and most people who think they do have the complete wrong idea. Because our society is not designed for people like us but no "allies" take our issues seriously. Because I'm still not even sure if people want us in their communities. Because whenever you tell someone you know you're going to be asked the same stupid questions. Because people in fandom love to use you as a cool quirk to add to characters without respecting what it actually means. Because my life would be marginally better if everyone spent just 5 minutes reading about it on google. But hey it's not all negative you also get a unique outlook on life and an appreciation for beauty outside the norm.

Signed, a colourblind aro

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

Aromanticism in Academic papers (day 1)

A few days ago, I posted wondering about aromanticism in academic research. Well after a search through google scholar and some institutional access (thank you wikipedia <2) I've found some papers. Since it's Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week this week, I'm gonna try posting about one paper I found each day this week.

So today's paper is The stability of singlehood: Limitations of the relationship status paradigm and a new theoretical framework for reimagining singlehood By Dr. Hannah Tessler (2022) [stable link]

To give a summary, this paper focuses on the idea that the general conceptualization of the term single is extremely limited within the standard definition of a person without a romantic partner. This assumes that a given person's relationship status is binary, that the individual is willing to be in a romantic partnership, that singlehood is a transitory state and not one that some people prefer to be in long term. Obviously, the implications of the term single does not accurately reflect the experiences of many people without romantic partners (like many aromantic people). The paper instead proposes a new framework for classifying singles on a graph of two axes, one for Openness to romance and one for desire for romance. This framework not only allows for the term single to encapsulate more than the normative assumption, but also shows how singlehood can be stable.

Tessler identifies seven populations of singles that subvert the standard assumption:

Singles that perfer singlehood

Aromantic and/or asexual singles

Heterosexual single women who elect to opt out of heteronormative relationships

MGTOWs and to an extent some incels

Singles committed to religion

People satisfied with single life but facing social pressure

and Single people after divorce/widowhood

The section on aromanticism itself is well written and accurate. It describes the state of many of us very well, while acknowledging that there are partnering aromantics out there. For future considerations, Tessler writes: "There is currently scant research on aromanticism, but more scholarship is necessary in order to better understand the intersections and boundaries between sex, romance, and relationships."

All in all, this paper is a wonderful insight that I hope future researchers in the area of romance take a look at and use ideas from. There's a lot of research out there on romance, but not as much on the lack of it. Tessler challenges the scientific community to help fill that gap.

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

Aro culture is putting all your aro stickers on your new green notebook. Yeah I just did that. Felt awesome.

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

honestly my advice for people questioning if they're aro is kind of the same as my advice for people questioning if they're trans which is do less worrying about whether or not you inherently fall into this arbitrary category and do more considering what you want in and from your life. like ultimately deconstructing societal ideals of what relationships (or gender) should be like and figuring out what you want them to look like in your life is what matters and whether or not you experience romantic attraction is kind of immaterial

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

my take on shipping aromantic characters is that if you're aro you get to do whatever you want and if you're not you have to write me a three page essay 12 pt font times new roman double spaced explaining in detail why you believe entering a romantic relationship would be an interesting and worthwhile storyline for the character and how you believe their aromanticism would affect the way they experience said relationship

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

I'm really bad at posting stuff to get something trending, but happy love loses day to an aroace icon (for me at least). I'm sure he's aromantic in every universe.

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

HAPPY WEDNESDAY TO MY FELLOW AROMANTICS!!!!!! Like last year, I completely forgot today was valentine's day

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

hey (with the intention of developing complicated unresolved feelings for you that aren't quite platonic or romantic or sexual but actually a secret undiscovered thing)

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

also, you seem really cool!

Aww thank u !!!! You too !!

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

Question sent by @neptunecookies !!

This question got me thinking A LOTTTT

I'm my case, the questioning didn't start from the 'noticing you don't have a crush on anyone', but because I started questioning amatonormativity when I didn't even know there was a term for it.

When I started questioning about my orientation, I was an obsessed-with-shipping-and romance kind of person, that's why I identified as bisexual and poly. "I don't care about gender, so that must mean I'm bi!" "I could see myself having more than one partner". But the moment I got deeper into amatonormativity, the deeper I got questioning how I felt about those 'crushes' on some people I had.

How I thought that romantic relationships were just friendship with kissing. How I didn't understand why being physically attracted to someone would automatically mean that I wanted to have a deep emotional relationship with them. Why would this person be so important to you if you haven't ACTUALLY met them at all?. (all personal examples)

I realized that these 'crushes' were actually close friendships or people who I felt physically attracted to, but not wanting to be in a relationship with them.

I was having a completely different experience than allos. I had some similarities with allo people but it was never enough for me to feel like that label was right for me.

Calling myself aromantic felt just right

This kind of things are really complicated so I hope I answered your question, If not, don't worry if you want to ask again or anything, I'll appreciate it! It was fun thinking and writing all of this ^^

[aro-and-trans-thoughts]

Being polyam is FR like "I'm not aro/ace but I believe in their beliefs"