asleep-and-afraid

[asleep-and-afraid]

is talking to a man during pride month homopobic lmk.

[asleep-and-afraid]

how many bodies is calling him good boy asking for a friend

[asleep-and-afraid]

can we get some love for aros writing romance rn!!!!!!!!!!!!

[asleep-and-afraid]

maybe you love me but you never say my name how it's meant to be said. as long as those syllables and sounds are foreign to you, so too will be my heart

[asleep-and-afraid]

take your teeth out your lip rn. i see you biting it. stop!!!!

[asleep-and-afraid]

hey ho i don’t think you really like me or at least i can't believe that you actually like me because you met me when i looked my best and felt my best and in reality i am not that person and i only look alright from 2 very specific angles and bite my nails and my lips and can't imagine kissing another person and have piles of dirty laundry on my floor and i can't fully process that i might be wanted exactly as i am so I’ll continue to list my flaws out to you in hopes i can deliberately scare you away before i get too comfortable and scare you away by being myself.

[asleep-and-afraid]

can we please stop making video 'essays' critiquing media, especially books, without including any semblance of evidence beyond a brief summary of an issue in the media? I NEED screenshots of book pages, direct quotes, clips from the show or movie. it is so incredibly frustrating to see creators not understand a key factor in media analysis which is providing evidence beyond summary. how many times have i learned in literature classes and writing classes that my evidence needs to go beyond summary. hard, textual evidence always gets the point!! i watch so many media analysis videos about book themes, book discourse, deeper meanings and broader societal implications- why x book sucks, what makes x book so genius and the entire time the creator makes excellence points and arguments and then the evidence is as simple as "the author includes entirely too much detail in every scene, cites scientific studies that rarely connect to his argument, and then includes short unnecessary summaries of even his shortest chapters as if the reader is stupid." the creator's points make sense to me, but the evidence is summary after summary after summary. girl, show me a SCREENSHOT. read me a QUOTE. good fucking LORD i am sick and tired of this 'just trust me on this one' popular video essay style. it makes it simply impossible to consume content on media you aren't familiar with while also making it difficult to consider the creator's argument and formulate your own opinion on media you are familiar with. if you can't include proof for something, think about why- is it true? is it valid? is it hard to find? consider these things. and GUYS DO WE KNOW WHAT AN ESSAY IS? LETS REMEMBER OUR MANY ACRONYMS FROM HIGHSCHOOL!!!! answer prompt, CITE EVIDENCE, explain evidence. if i see another video 'essay' on a piece of media without DIRECT quotes, screenshots, or clips... i will do some very bad things!

(i get how hypocritical it is of me to make this post and include no real concrete examples or clips from video essayists doing these things but i hesitate to call any hardworking creators out because that's kinda mean LOL but trust i am slowly making a list)

[asleep-and-afraid]

Readers, make sure you have all your favourite Ao3 fics downloaded.

Writers, make sure you have copies of all the fics you have posted on Ao3.

I don’t want to be alarming, but things could get really bad really fast. OTW shared this today on Twitter, and I'm a bit worried about it 😅

Ao3 is a non-profit organisation. If they have to start paying taxes, I have no idea what will happen.

[asleep-and-afraid]

*showing visible symptoms* oh my god i need help desperately

*symptoms go away for one day* what if im just faking it

[asleep-and-afraid]

need to address this: little reminder for all juumgoobie shippers that actually jumbjorbie called for boobiewoobie to save him from the monster that is gopwople. not enough people talking about this.

[asleep-and-afraid]

some problems are so humiliating the only solution is to solve them yourself and then continue to never talk about it

[asleep-and-afraid]

Wow, now there's a bot going around on Ao3 telling people that the "moderators" will delete works from "deprecated" fandoms and impose bans.

Fearmongering bullshit, but it's fearmongering bullshit that seems to be taking advantage of the recent spotlight series in order to trick authors into deleting their fics.

Just. Why.

What the hell does anyone get out of making these bots.

[asleep-and-afraid]

do u miss it or how it made u feel? do u miss it or who u were then?

[asleep-and-afraid]

GRWM as I ✨Wake Up with a Panic Attack✨

** None of this is medical advice, and is just a system I’ve worked on for myself. Everybody is different, everyone is in different circumstances.**

When it comes to the fight or flight instinct during panic attacks, I’m 100% a flight person.

I’ve dealt with panic attacks since high school and have been diagnosed with panic disorder. In high school I lived in constant fear of having an attack, which caused the attacks. It was all very cyclical. I have them less often now, but they still happen from time to time.

My go to method is to mix comforting and uncomfortable sensations and to overstimulate myself. I’ve tried deep breathing and relaxing music and the things that should logically help. But they always made me feel worse because I’m acknowledging the panic in such a head on fashion. I try to ground and overstimulate as many senses as I can, so I don’t have the energy or space to feel the panic anymore.

The initial terror, it’s going to happen. How fast you can pivot depends on the severity of the panic.

I tell myself I’m an expert in panic attack management. I have over 12 years of experience in the field and have worked tirelessly to perfect my methods. I have to convince myself I’m a pro at this, and have a 100% success rate of not imploding from anxiety. I narrate what I’m going to do and why it helps me specifically, basically what I’m doing here.

—-

My first stop is consistently my bathroom. I go through my bin of old lotions and pick a scent I have specially set aside for panic attacks. I use something that’s way too overpowering, but having something that smells bad to you is also an option. Sometimes I’ll use two different smells. The goal is to have a scent to ground you.

When I have a panic attack, my body fails at temperature regulation. Typically my feet are cold and clammy. So, I like to run some hot water in the tub and just stand in it for awhile. As I’m standing there, I apply whatever lotion or perfume I grabbed. Once my feet are warmed up, I get out of the tub and only sorta dry my feet. Then I put socks on my damp feet. Why? Because I hate the way it feels. And that harmless discomfort is going to distract me as I make my way to the next room.

I pick up a hoodie from the closet. Since I don’t know which way my temperature is going to flux, it’s nice to have on hand. I also have a big comfy shawl I use only during panic attacks.

I have to go down stairs to get to my kitchen. I take them really slow, especially with the damp sock situation. If I’m feeling too weak, I’ll just sit down and scoot down them. My instinct is flight, so staying in one room too long is no good. I usually feel safer being on the ground floor.

—-

Things might get messy in the kitchen, but that’s for future you to deal with. I used to keep a fresh lemon in the house at all times, but have moved away from that, opting for lemon juice. You can either bite into a lemon, or swish some lemon juice in your mouth and spit it out. A benefit of a fresh lemon is that it’s more messy. You’ll have lemon juice on your face and hands and that stickiness, at least for me, is an awful sensation.

You’re going to chase the lemon down with something else. I like to grab sour candy, like Warheads. But something like Pop Rocks also works. Picking an opposite flavor, like pudding or beef jerky is an option. You’re just trying to overload your tastebuds by making another harmless, but powerful distraction.

Alternatively, this step can be done when you’re in the bathroom. Swishing mouth wash and following it up with something sour is miserable. The face I make in the mirror is ridiculous and sometimes that’s enough to help soothe me.

—-

Like I said, I’m a flight person. So the next steps I either do pacing the house or on a treadmill. It just depends how steady my legs are feeling.

I grab my headphones, connected to my phone, and my tablet. I put the headphones on one ear and play music. The music is going to change every time. Sometimes you want something soothing, sometimes you want something loud. Sometimes you want music you love, sometimes you want music you hate. Having different playlists prepped helps you figure out what you’re in the mood for. I think one hit wonders are also a great option. There’s a familiarity and nostalgia that just hits the spot sometimes.

There are a few options for the tablet. You can put on a movie or tv show, and listen with your un-headphoned ear. I also like doing crossword puzzles or logic puzzles. It usually goes poorly, but I get so wrapped up in it. I’ve also found ‘Simon Says’ videos and follow those. Anything challenging and low stakes works here.

And this is where things usually begin to ease up. If my legs are too wobbly, I’ll just lie on the floor. Sometimes I go back to the lemon juice / sour candy. But eventually, my body is just exhausted and overstimulated. And there’s no more room for panic.

Once I feel myself winding down, I’ll get an electrolyte heavy drink. My go to is Pedialyte Zero Sugar packets but it doesn’t really matter what you use. I’ll have something light to eat if I feel up to it, usually just crackers.

When the panic has finally eases up and I feel safe again, I’m usually left exhausted. I fall asleep wherever I land, usually on the floor because it just feels nice and sturdy. When I wake up, I take care of any messes I left behind. And I drink more water.

—-

Important Notes and Additional Tactics:

Drink lots of water. Just have water dead drops everywhere.

Make it a point to keep yourself stocked up on supplies. Future you needs to restock supplies and put things back for next time.

Fidget toys are great and should also be in every room if possible. I like to use different ones depending on which room I’m in, just to keep up variety.

Ice cubes under the armpits or on the back of the neck are great. I guess anywhere works, I just find the cold distracting. As they melt, I’m left with water on my clothes. Similar to the damp socks, I hate this feeling.

My plant misting bottle stays in the kitchen and I’ll use it to spray my face or arms. Having glasses makes this more annoying, which is the goal.

I personally like to turn on as many lights as I can, but I understand this isn’t always possible.

Stepping outside can be helpful, just be mindful about it.

Reach out to people if that’s an option and you’re comfortable with it.

Walk through your routine when you aren’t in the middle of a panic attack. Developing this type of muscle memory helps you to be familiar and prepared. Remember, you’re the expert in panic attacks.

Take time to reflect on things. The day after a panic attack, I find a quiet place. I think back to everything I was feeling and who I was during the panic attack. And I talk to that past version of me and comfort her. Sometimes I find it easier to write it all out.

—-

I typed this while experiencing a panic attack. Usually I just narrate these things to myself. Recently, my older brother has started having attacks similar to mine. My hope is that sharing what I do to get myself through a panic attack will help at least one person. It is truly one of the most defeating and vulnerable experiences. I feel like I’ve lost so much time to my anxiety, I’d like to think I can help someone avoid the same struggles my younger self dealt with.

**None of this is medical advice, and is just a system I’ve worked on for myself. Everybody is different, everyone is in different circumstances.

[asleep-and-afraid]

everything’s GNARLY 💚 #KATSEYE

[asleep-and-afraid]

GUYS I FRICKING HATE IMPOSTER SYNDROME. specifically queer imposter syndrome. specifically aspec imposter syndrome. Like am I aroace???? Yes???? Yes?! Yes! Yes I am. I think. I guess. YES. BUT WHAT IF IM NOT. WHAT IF I'M NOT AND I JUST LIED TO EVERYONE THAT I'VE TOLD. but i am. Yeah. But what if im just saying that to convince myself i am but im not. AAAAAAAAAAH. But I am. But it's okay to not be sure!! But ACKKK. what if i wanna date someone eventually. Obviously it's a spectrum but i feel like that would just derail my whole thing. But NO. ack. I've never wanted to like date a specific person but the idea of it is so lovely, like omg. Friendships are incredible. Obviously they have the capacity to be as beautiful as relationships. But I feel like its different somehow?? Idk. The idea of romantic love is amazing. But I don't like anyone. I can't even begin to imagine liking someone. At least no one I know. No offense to like everyone I know but i wouldn't date any of you?? Hello??? Like wdym I'm the outlier here, none if you are attractive, thats your problem hello? SIGH. Anyway. My rant has reconfirmed for myself that I'm aroace. But trust ill be back in a but next time I don't believe myself.

[asleep-and-afraid]

y’all ever sit weird and think about how your organs are all squished now. just me? ok.