astralautism1

[astralautism1]

Having a sister that you have never met and doesn’t nothing to try and continue a relationship w/ you no matter how hard you try is so fun and great and not weird or disheartening at all.

Thanks for the picture of your cat ,Ash, I wish I would have known you during my formative years. Absolutely lovely picture of your cat, Ash, can you talk to me tho? Super cool that you have multiple cats but maybe can I know you outside of the old pokemon cards you left me? Aw hes got cute toe beans! Why don’t you ever text me back?Man what a nice cat— who are you? Why haven’t you visited us? Why haven’t you let US visit you? Why do you seem like you don’t even care about my existence or our fathers existence or your stepmom (my moms) existence. Did you forget they saved you from abuse? Did you forget how much they did for you? For US?

I guess it’s mutual. Never gave me much to care about other than a longing feeling of emptiness and being alone in a way my peers simply don’t understand #I was pretty much the only only-child in my grade growing up and I wasn’t even technically an only child.

It’s also that. Real only children don’t get you, some act like your making a reason to be upset, or your caring about something that doesn’t matter. Ppl w siblings are in the same boat but from the other side of the spectrum, or they think we’re ’lucky because we got all the attention (which is just not true), and we don’t have to deal with what life is like with a sibling’ which, maybe this is a little bit of a soapbox moment, is basically just normalized abuse half the time. And for some reason everyone else I’ve met in this scenario treats it like a personal offense that you claimed to be the same as them, and I never get to feel any connection or relation or understanding in this issue because I just get yelled at for ‘perceiving this problem that I singlehandedly created to be greater than someone else’s genuine trauma’ that’s what it feels like. This also happens with people who did know their siblings who just got, abandoned for whatever reason (or no reason in some unfortunate cases).

Like why can’t we all just understand we all have trauma in different ways and that doesn’t make us better or worse or ‘more genuine’ than anyone else. Any other ‘only (but not really) child’ should be allowed to grieve their relationship with the sibling they could have but don’t. Only children should be able to grieve feeling lonely and isolated growing up. Siblings should be allowed to grieve the abuse that was normalized in their childhood under the cover of ‘regular sibling behavior’. Everyone should be allowed to grieve.

[astralautism1]

Executive dysfunction is basically going “Okay one two three go. And now. Aaaaaaannnnnnnd we’re goinnnnng now.” for like three hours before the thing happens

[astralautism1]

people care about you. even if there is no real you. even if who you are changes like water. even if who you are is built around someone else. people still care about you.

[astralautism1]

Btw something I love bought of the other day which kind of changed how I thought about some things

You still understood and received trauma from bullying even if you didn’t get bullied but your friends did. Especially if it’s for reasons you share (etc weight, race, queer identification, religion, disability). If you saw someone hurting others for something you also are, but for some reason don’t get, you will receive trauma from that too. It will be different from the trauma those who were getting directly bullied will receive, but it is still trauma.

[astralautism1]

you ever have it that the food in your fridge just doesn’t register as food? I have a problem where I’ll eat peanut butter sandwiches repeatedly while having a stuffed fridge bc I look in there and am like “hmmm….but that’s not actual food. cant eat that.”

[astralautism1]

mucho texto i know but i wanted to write a lil thing about how u can treat yourself nice!!

[astralautism1]

always complain about things. okay, you know how programmers explain their code to rubber ducks when it's not working? same principle. an appliance breaks down. I get pissed off, try everything, go through the various stages of despair etc. I complain about it to a friend and explain why it frustrates me so bad, and suddenly I'm thinking 'wait I should try unplugging it and then doing a factory reset and then—' and I go home and do that and it starts working again. I keep losing my earrings. I complain about it to a friend, about how I keep them all in a little dish but then the specific one I want always dematerialises the moment I want it. my friend says 'I just keep them on the little card backs they came with' and I think well shit, I always throw those out. but then I think aha I can make a bunch of pinholes in a decorative postcard. genius. I read a story. it's about something I'm usually into, but for some reason I don't like this story at all. I complain about it, I figure out what irritates me about it, I have a great idea for a way better story. I try a new recipe, it doesn't come together. I bitch about it like crazy, about what I thought I did right and how it failed, and before I know it I'm explaining out loud which parts I'm inexperienced at or didn't understand or adjusted wrong. I need a little table for drawing on. I complain about it in the group chat, two days later someone says 'hey I spotted the kind of table you're looking for on the side of the road, do you want to come pick it up'. I complain, endlessly. my life is enriched. the art of complaining.

[astralautism1]

Being a little too cold: brrrr i’m a little too cold !!!

Being a little too warm: i am going to kill the next person who makes eye contact with me.

[astralautism1]

Me when I tell my friends to stab all of their problems. That I can stab them for them if they need.

If you have a friend that wants to vent to you but doesn't want solutions but you are a solutions-oriented person, may I suggest Silly Solutions (TM)? For instance, whenever my friend complains about the people at her job being dumb, I remind her that if only one of us had studied engineering, we could create a giant hippo robot with laser eyes to destroy them. It fulfills my need to offer a solution, doesn't violate her boundary of not wanting to problem solve, AND it cheers us both up!

[astralautism1]

ADHD at night: I could write a book. I could get my Master’s Degree. I could go to the club and come home with 12 new friends. I could get a job at that club and meet the mother of my children. I could cure every disease and use my wealth to bring world peace.

ADHD during the day: Fold laundry too hard :( Come back next week

[astralautism1]

mmmm genuine question for folks who have done some major work on this. how do you unlearn shame? how do you go outside and let go of the perceptions of others? it paralyzes me. it keeps me from going out. i’m so ashamed of my body and the way i look for a lot of reasons (weight, nonhumanism, etc) and i just feel like the shell i wear isn’t really me. it never was. i’m so disconnected to this body because it isn’t mine and i don’t know how to start liking this one enough to just live my life and enjoy it. i can’t wear certain clothes or wear makeup like i used to- nor have i been able to gain the confidence to wear like ears and tails out in public. i think maybe it’s cause i have so much trauma with bullies and harassment? i just can’t handle it when people point and laugh at me. but i want to get to a point where even if they do, i don’t care.

how do i truly start putting myself first?

[astralautism1]

youtube autoplay randomly had me listening to one of those really extreme steven universe criticism videos and goddamn they really had people calling the staff nazis over this cartoon huh what the fuck

[astralautism1]

becoming an adult cheat sheet!

learn to coupon

what to do when you can’t afford therapy

cleaning your bathroom

what to do when you can’t pay your bills

stress management

quick fix meals

find out if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill

resume workshop

organize your closet

how to take care of yourself when you’re sick

what you should bring to a doctor’s appointment

what’s a mortgage?

how to pick a health insurance plan

hotlines list

your first gynecology appointment

what to do if the cops pull you over

things to have in your car in case of emergency

my moving out masterpost

how to make friends as an adult (video)

how to do taxes (video)

recommended reads for surviving adulthood (video)

change a flat tire (video)

how to do laundry (video)

opening a bank account (video)

laundry cheat sheet

recipes masterpost

tricks to help you sleep more

what the fuck should you make for dinner?

where should you go for drinks?

alcohol: know your limits

easy makeup tips

find seat maps for your flight

self-defense tips

prevent hangovers

workout masterpost

how to write a check

career builder

browse careers

birth control information

financial management software & app (free)

my mental health masterpost

my college applications masterpost

how to jumpstart a car

sex ed masterpost

[astralautism1]

Please tell me I’m not the only one who experiences this

Having pda autism and just being. Unable to allow yourself to experience the things you experienced. It’s such trivial shit too.

[astralautism1]

btw if you’re fat and your partner doesn’t love you wholeheartedly, if they’re attracted to you “despite” your body, if they avoid touching you, if they look away from certain parts of you, you’re allowed to break up with that person. look at me. you can do better. you are not unloveable and you don’t have to settle i fucking promise.

[astralautism1]

literally every piece of OCD guidance on the planet: if you are feeling extreme guilt over a past event that you can't remember well that came on very suddenly and you find yourself losing whole days to rumination and self blame and worries that you're gonna get canceled because you did something bad and 'can't remember', those are very common symptoms of false memory/real event OCD and you might need to consult a professional that can help you

my OCD: this doesn't apply to you, you're just uniquely rotten and committed many horrible crimes. BACK TO THE TORMENT NEXUS WITH YOU

[astralautism1]

A year ago today, my aunt passed away using death by dignity

I don't know if that is how you are supposed to word it. I don't know a lot of things, and regrettably I didn't get to know a lot about her in the short time I did know her. We are not related by blood, we aren't really related at all. I met her through my mother's work- she was my aunts caregiver. I only knew her for maybe 2-4 years, and I had only physically seen her after a year of hearing about her from my mothers stories. I worry that to a degree the bond we had was superficial. It only existed bc she payed to have it exist. As well, a way I cope with this job is sort of nullifying my true relationship to the people I meet and help during the end of their life.

And I just want everyone to know that my aunt was amazing. She was an art collector and she loved the colors teal and orange but not bc of the Broncos just because its a good color combo. And she went to a big fancy school I don't know which I forgot all the names except harvard rn and I don't think it was that. She children that she raised beautifully, and she had so much knowledge and wisdom to impart. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever met, she was poised and elegant and graceful even when she was in complete agony. She was funny and she was kind and we watched gameshows together the last time I saw her and I can never see family feud the same again. I miss you, Aunt Bev. You are loved, and you will always be missed.