bakenbean

[bakenbean]

Strawberry Soda

She taste like strawberry soda.

Her kisses are cold,

A welcomed feeling on this hot day.

The artificial taste eludes me,

Instead it tastes sweet and fruity.

I love her like she loves strawberry soda,

Fleeting and temporary,

Yet fully and wholeheartedly.

[bakenbean]

I shoot myself in the foot everyday.

It hurts,

blood pours out in gushes.

I shoot myself in the foot everyday.

It’s bleeding once more,

But I can’t stop.

I shoot myself in the legs,

Then my stomach,

Bullet holes litter my body until they reach my head.

I take a breath then pull the trigger once more.

But it doesn’t kill me,

A repeating cycle

[bakenbean]

A smell of cigarettes

I take a breath and choke.

The comfort yet deadly feeling fills my lungs until there’s nothing but me and the smoke.

In and out,

It’s not my addiction,

It’s yours.

You,

Plagued with addiction.

Transfer to me until I’m just like you.

[bakenbean]

Butterfly in the wind.

Butterfly,

Where do you go?

Fluttering,

Flapping,

Flying.

I see you,

Wishing I could fly like you.

Butterfly,

Where do you go?

Wings ripped,

Spirit broken.

Butterfly,

Where will you go without your wings?

Crawling,

Clawing.

Searching for something,

Anything,

To give you hope.

[bakenbean]

My love,

Does your heart yearn for me as mine yearns for yours?

I wish not for fleeting affection or pity.

A love such as swans,

Complete and forever.

Curling in our nests by ponds,

A love ending never.

[bakenbean]

Everything Changes.

Whether good or bad everything changes.

And my body was faced with damages.

Feet that'll never feel soft grass or rough gravel,

Ankles that’ll never support me as I run or walk,

Legs that'll never walk me down an isle,

Hips that'll never sway to music,

A waist that'll never feel the pain of laughter,

And fingers that can never hold another.

I miss my old before my new,

This is a curse that will never undo.

[bakenbean]

I loved you,

Entirely and completely,

My sweet November love.

to others it seemed taboo,

for I was in love with you deeply,

Yet it was fleeting like a mourning dove.

[bakenbean]

I loved you,

My sweet November love.

You were the one to let go first,

Little by little your grip lessened,

Until nonexistent.

Maybe you felt trapped by me.

[bakenbean]

In Spring

May,

You came.

May,

Your name.

Spring essence seeping out of you,

Filling my senses until I was devoid of anything else.

I fell in love in the spring. It was a late, however warm, evening. You just moved into the unoccupied apartment to the left of me. Both had small balconies. I was reading until you interrupted, and eventually you’d come to interrupt my entire life. May was planting yellow tulips as we spoke. I learned that you plant the flowers that shade as you love the color. I found myself wondering about everything after our initial encounter.

Our second encounter, a coffee shop. It was a nice day which turned into a slight rain, still sunny. There was a rainbow in the sky. The earthy smell of the wet world wafted into the cafe, lulling me into a peaceful relaxation. You walked in, met my eyes, and waved. It was a small wave. You brought your hand close to your face and shook it ever so slightly. Your outfit was similar to mine. Yours being pink, loose shorts with a gray band tee shirt. Mine being black loose shorts and a pink shirt.

“Hey! We are opposite!” You started our second conversation, just like you started the first.

The two of us talked into the late evening. I learned you like sweets, as also apparent from your coffee milkshake. You also enjoy photography. I remember you taking a picture of us to, in your words, celebrate a new friendship. It flustered me. It was a good type, the kind you get when your crush notices you. Wait, did my love for you begin then?

You weren’t the boring, uninteresting type. You were the complete opposite. As interested in me as I was you. For a fleeting moment, everything was at peace.

Two months into our friendship we spent our first sleepover together. The night was hot, humid, and it seeped into the door causing us to be covered in a shine of sweat. I suggested moving to my apartment as my air conditioning worked properly. Needless to say, we did. It was fun. We stayed up all night after taking a marajuana edible then watching as many horror related things as possible. Movies, internet videos, we even read internet stories to each other. We eventually passed out in the early hours of the morning, waking up glad neither of us had work.

Our third month of friendship, sleepovers were common by then. Often staying together days at a time. It was sometime in the third month that you uttered your love for me. We were over at your place. It was around dinner, you made us a simple meal, just some sandwiches. I noticed around that time that meals always tasted better when I was with you.

It was after we ate that you confessed to having something to say.

“Vivianna,” she almost never called me by my full name, often opting for Vivi. “I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Love between two girls? More importantly, did I love you too? She looked, waiting for my response. By then, I never knew what I felt. Was I in love with her? Thoughts swarmed my mind.

“Do you,” she hesitated. “Do you want to go on a date with me?”

“Yes,” I had said before I could even think.

Then started our romance.

[bakenbean]

Dear My Past,

Oh how I miss you so.

Different from now,

Life I’ll never again know.

Walking through a carefree life,

How I long for you once more.

[bakenbean]

A flower in bloom in the summer morn,

So warm and bright.

A flower in bloom in the summer night,

So beautiful yet so cold.

Falling gently like the petal of a summer’s eve flower,

Falling violently like the petal in a summer’s storm,

Falling totally and completely.

Honeysuckle, Hydrangea, Hibiscus.

None compare to you.

Fleeting, Sudden, Not enough.

Your bloom never lasts for long.

Leaving as if you’ve never arrived,

Leaving as if you haven’t won my heart.

Gone as soon as you came,

Missing your sweet scent.

Missing you completely.

I await for your return,

I await for your sweet scent to fill my senses once more,

I await for you.

Return to me,

My sweet scented love.

Return to me,

Just once more.

Return to me,

So I may kiss you once more.

[bakenbean]

She reminds me of the summer,

So warm and so full of care.

Her laugher feels like summer showers,

Gently lifting my spirits and I can feel goosebumps on my skin.

While we may grow cold as the evenings pass,

Her voice will always sound to me,

Like the dew on the morning leaves.

And although we may part one day,

Her smile will always warm my weary heart.

Like a warm summer’s day,

Her entirety brings me pleasant memories.

Years will pass on as the summers do,

Yet my heart,

My home,

Lies in you.

Summer after summer,

I find more connections.

The beating sun,

The roaring laughter,

The endless memories.

And although we may part,

I wish upon the summer’s eve stars,

That we may never drift apart.

I wish upon the summer’s eve stars,

That we may find each other again if we do.

[bakenbean]

In the summer showers,

The sweet scent of rain drowns out all other senses.

In the summer showers,

The frogs croak their songs while the bugs play their instruments.

In the summer showers,

The feeling of rain relaxes me.

In the summer showers,

I feel at peace

In the summer showers,

I feel at home here.

[bakenbean]

I loved you entirely,

But I was nothing but a fleeting moment for you.

[bakenbean]

She reminds me of the summer,

So warm and so full of care.

Her laugher feels like summer showers,

Gently lifting my spirits and I can feel goosebumps on my skin.

While we may grow cold as the evenings pass,

Her voice will always sound to me,

Like the dew on the morning leaves.

And although we may part one day,

Her smile will always warm my weary heart.

Like a warm summer’s day,

Her entirety brings me pleasant memories.

Years will pass on as the summers do,

Yet my heart,

My home,

Lies in you.

Summer after summer,

I find more connections.

The beating sun,

The roaring laughter,

The endless memories.

And although we may part,

I wish upon the summer’s eve stars,

That we may never drift apart.

I wish upon the summer’s eve stars,

That we may find each other again if we do

[bakenbean]

Your eyes

Your Eyes,

Your Smile,

Your Laughter.

All reminds me of the Sun.

So Bright,

So Light,

So Warm.

I find myself unaware of what I’m feeling.

Like the bud of a flower, I won’t know what those feelings will become until they bloom.

Today

Today, you smiled at me.

Today, it felt as if I were being melted by the sun.

Today, I am starting to think what I feel might be love.

Sleepless Nights

I spent a sleepless, restless night.

Thinking about how you remind me of the sun.

I find it the idea of it quite,

Odd.

Again.

Again today you smiled,

And again I felt like my soul was set ablaze.

I keep my thoughts bottled,

Hoping that you would gaze,

At me,

And Smile.

My Eyes Stare.

My Eyes Stare,

They stare trying to absorb and admire.

They see how it looks as if your skin was kissed by the sun itself,

They see how bright your smile is,

They see how soft and golden your hair is,

They see how the sun itself has been trapped in your eyes,

They see how everything about you reminds me of the sun.

You Spoke To Me.

You Spoke To Me, I didn’t know how to react.

A Simple, “Hi, Would You Like To Be Friends?”

A Simple, “Absolutely.” reply.

Hoping that you couldn’t see how much of an effect you had on me.

A Name.

Without realizing it, I had forgotten to ask for your name.

Veronica, Vanessa, Victoria.

What could it be?

I asked, embarrassed as I was,

You smiled and giggled,

I blushed because,

Then you Answered,

“Marisol.”

My Name.

You told me my name was pretty,

The simple six letters,

“Lucine.”

You told me my name was pretty.

A Friendship.

A Friendship between the two of us,

Blooming between day and night,

Blooming between the sun and the moon.

Once, more a bud.

Unknown, unaware until it blooms.

Blushing.

Blushing,

Blood rushing,

Throughout my body.

I wanna date you.

Courage.

Unafraid,

That is what I need to be.

Unscared,

That is what I need to be.

Intense Feelings.

My heart beats so fast,

I found something out about you.

A last name,

A Hobby,

A favorite color.

I want to find out more about you.

Months Go By.

January, February, March, April, May,

Almost a year has gone by since I met you.

I think I might be a little gay.

Best Friends.

We have become best friends.

But I want to be more.

Yet, I don’t ask because I’m scared for this to end.

I know your favorite food,

Favorite color.

How rude,

Of me to be jealous when you like another.

A Date.

“Go out with me, Lucine.”

A simple phrase, a simple question, a simple answer.

So why am I feeling this way?

So why am I so nervous?

So why am I so scared?

So why is my heart beating out of my chest?

So why is my blood rushing to my face?

So why is this so difficult?

This is what I wanted, right?

Yes.

I was scared, yes.

I was worried, yes.

Worried about what other people would think,

Scared that this was all a dream or a joke.

But,

I,

Said,

Yes.

Once More You Reminded Me Of The Sun.

Your bright smile,

Your sun kissed skin flushed,

Your excitement.

Everything about you radiates,

Sunlight.

Intense,

Beautiful,

Bright.

You are Sunlight.

First Date, First Kiss.

You picked a park for our first date.

We spent the day together.

A picnic full of sandwiches and snacks,

How lovely.

We sat on a blanket and on the grass,

The feelings I feel for you are almost deadly.

We stayed until the stars came up,

And you told me I reminded you of the moon.

I laughed and said,

“You remind me of the sun.”

And we kissed.

Nicknames

She asked if she could call me her moon,

I asked if I could call her my sun.

We agreed, the love between us almost in full bloom.

Marisol, I think I am utterly in love with you.

Months we spent together.

Month after month, we spent time together.

Hand holding, kissing, falling deeper and deeper in love.

But nothing lasts forever.

Your parents found out,

Then mind.

Then the whole school.

Different

Unnatural, Unusual, Unholy.

Who would have thought our love made us so different.

Unnatural, Unusual, Unholy.

Insults

Insults, slurs, mocks.

Dirty looks, shoves, whispers atop the stairs.

Avoidance, Good riddance,

As she laid there,

At the bottom of the stairs.

Broken.

I felt broken,

Dirty,

Scared.

It isn’t fair,

What was so wrong with loving another girl?

Found.

She found me,

At the bottom of those stairs.

Marisol found me,

And all she could do was stare.

Tears welled up in her eyes,

She said sorry.

Tears formed in my eyes,

I hope this doesn’t mean goodbye.

Skipping School

She helped me walk.

We decided to skip school,

And decided to talk.

Talking

Talking, apologies, blame, tears.

She blames herself for what happened to me.

We cried, “My dear,

It's no one's fault but theirs.”

Months Go By Once More

Month after month after month until it turns into a year.

A year of,

Slurs and insults hurled into our ears.

A year of,

Tears and secrets.

She looks dull.

She looks dull,

No longer like the bright sun she once was.

It is as if her flame was snuffed out, almost all.

All because,

She decided to keep loving me.

Her hair has darkened,

Her smile is almost nonexistent,

There is no longer any sunshine.

Death.

She's dead.

Murdered by the words of others,

She’s dead,

Because we were considered “other”

Maybe I’ll be murdered too,

Their insults haven’t stopped.

I feel such a dark hue,

Looming over me.

All because I loved her too.