bartenderfriend-blog

[bartenderfriend-blog]

listen up kiddos, I have been a makeup and spandex clad dancer under pink lights, fire eater and juggler in a pack of men three years older than me, boxer who bribed her way into the gym with homemade pie and the girl who could do sixty five pull-ups after fighting every dudebro in the wrestling team. I can pick a lock and I can win a fight and I can maintain a 4.0 GPA while taking more AP classes in a day than my school had hours. 

BUT my self esteem was and remains inseparably tied to having nice hair and a cute smokey eye. and should the apocalypse come I will be shaving under my arms with a machete and edging my ugly ass scars in in gold with lip lining so sharp it could cut an electral cable. clear?

That doesn't mean it won't be work, and that I won't scrounge for materials, but if I can take the time to maintain my survival tools I can damn well take the time to put on some glitter.

draw women in post-apocalyptic world settings with armpit hair, leg hair, bushy brows and pubic hair ya cowards,, draw brown women/women with dark thick hair with arm hair and happy trails and sideburns and mustaches i’m sick of seeing silky smooth soapy clean make up wearing post apocalyptic dolled up women next to stinky sweaty crusty men with dirty nails and sweaty clothes and sweaty greasy hair and 3m long ugly beards

[bartenderfriend-blog]

I’ve been doing some form of dance for over 15 years of my 21 year long life, I have been drawing for 17. this is the second time in my entire life I have cried because something created by humans was beautiful.

Suave, slow and elegant movements. I can not stop been mesmerized.

[bartenderfriend-blog]

The Nib ( @thenib ) is doing a whole month of queer comics and I was honored to contribute this one! You can read all of the other comics I’ve done for them here, and here is my comic from last year’s Pride Month. You can find more of my comics, including my Genderqueer series, on instagram and you can support me on patreon or on ko-fi if you’d like to help me keep making this work :) 

[bartenderfriend-blog]

There is a specific and terrifying difference between “never were” monsters and “are not anymore” monsters

“The thing that was not a deer” implies a creature which mimics a deer but imperfectly and the details which are wrong are what makes it terrifying

“The thing that was not a deer anymore” on the other hand implies a thing that USED to be a deer before it was somehow mutated, possessed, parasitically controlled or reanimated improperly and what makes THAT terrifying is the details that are still right and recognizable poking out of all the wrong and horrible malformations.

[bartenderfriend-blog]

Every fandom has that one character you just know would be the DM in an au where the plot’s a roll play game

[bartenderfriend-blog]

This is the best thing I’ve seen all day.

your magic by figmentedink

[bartenderfriend-blog]

So I really truly think that if Thor’s theme is the immigrant song Loki’s should be In The Hall Of The Mountain King.

[bartenderfriend-blog]

So I have this theory that book maps are made by characters within books, so please consider the map in siege and storm was made by someone from RAvka who just straight up did not know the geography of anywhere not ravka

Anyone else find it funny how…

Siege and Storm:

Six of Crows:

[bartenderfriend-blog]

this means so much

[bartenderfriend-blog]

Really happy to see this at my local library

[bartenderfriend-blog]

Do you ever think about how marriage is just a really intense form of the buddy system? because it just occurred to me. Why am I laughing so hard at this?

All of time and space just so happens to exist because a radioactive primordial blob sneezed and  I laugh at this.

[bartenderfriend-blog]

My strongest memory of AP Microeconomics

So I was sitting in a micro economics classroom doing in class work (the teacher didn’t like giving lectures so mostly we just worked out of problem packets all day, isn’t AP magical.) When my teacher walks up to my desk and stands in front of me until I looked up. Perplexed I raised my head and found him grinning maniacally and pointing upward.

“Do you think you can get into the ceiling?” Says he. (if you can’t figure out from this statement why he shall remain nameless you do not know enough about school insurance policies.)

“I shall do it or die trying.” says I. He helped me stack desks to create a stairway into I knew not what. My classmates judged us with the weary expression of Mary Shelly finding Lord Byron drunk and debauched in a gutter, but said not a word to stop us as I slithered into the ceiling. The ceiling was in fact an endless passage of thin foam boards strung across delicate metal frames. non were individually strong enough to hold my weight so I stretched across as many boards as I could. I was a starfish. but a stealthy one. My teacher stuck his head into the ceiling and looked around.

“Excellent, want to prank Miss Dow?”

This is the tale of how I led a class of twenty four 16 year olds on an epic crawl through the ceiling of our school. It was dusty. It was spider ridden. It created rumors of hauntings that I doubt have lefty. it ruined every outfit present.

but finally we found miss Dow’s class. I pushed aside a ceiling tile and dropped.  Because I am dramatically inclined I rolled to my feet rather than spiking the landing. Others followed. As we landed we walked out the door, silently. with straight faces. we walked in a perfect straight line down the stairs and around a corner and back up the stairs to our original classroom. And knew we had accomplished something great.

So anyways. I don’t remember what an inverse relationship is, and I’m definitely failing statistics on topics we covered int Microeconomics. But that is one of the only things I remember from a literal year of that class.

[bartenderfriend-blog]

This feels weirdly like beginning instructions for astral projections.

Do this four times repeatedly and you’ll be out. But how does it work? There’s some real brain science behind it.

[bartenderfriend-blog]

Hello friends and countrymen! My blog has changed, this was me!

Drew some crows eating waffles. First piece of fan art ever. O_o

[bartenderfriend-blog]

I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me.

Ray Bradbury (via kristensnotebook)

[bartenderfriend-blog]

I maintain I was right about this.

Me: which of the crows would be cat people and which of them would be dog people

Friend: well first of all, Kaz is a hedgehog person so write that down…