baybtron

[baybtron]

Silver Springs

artwork by @artdarypeacher on Twitter.

Beauty;

- When our countenance glows with inner peace and happiness, we radiate real beauty. Happiness comes from what we give of ourselves to others. It comes from the love we feel in relationships that are dear to us.

───────────────────

“Beautiful is a strong word, would you say Hanji represented the meaning of Beauty? Or would you say that she represented something else?”

Silence.

“Mr. Ackerman?”

The camera pans.

“She was more than beautiful.”

His voice firm as it echoed throughout the room.

He looked up at the interviewer, her legs crossed, hands folded neatly in her lap.

“Fans would often see you two in public, sometimes even paparazzi. They’d describe your gaze as.. almost annoyed—“

“False.” He said almost immediately, his voice cutting off the sound of the woman’s voice.

Her brows raised as she adjusted herself in her seat, nodding her head slowly.

“I could never be annoyed with her.” He said. Though his face held nothing, his eyes said everything. “Sure, I said hurtful.. very.. hurtful things to her… but if I knew then.. I’d have told her then.. that it was only out of anger.” His voice going quiet as he looked up face to face with the interviewer.

The interviewer nodded her head as she listened intently. “And you’re.. you’re implying that you spoke with her before the accident?”

“Yes.” He nodded.

“If you don’t mind,” The interviewers voice quieted down, her eyes flickering down for a few seconds before back up at him. “What happened?— Some citizens claimed to have seen her during her last moments.. describing her as distraught— or upset. Why is that? Was it because of your last conversations with each other?” She asked.

“We got into an argument.” He said, his eyes slowly panned down.

“An argument? Why?”

“It’s best if I leave it unsaid.”

Silence.

Regret, sadness, and grief… all in one.

“I wish I could see her again.” He said quietly. The interviewer almost looked surprised at his words.

“Do you?” She asked with a small nod. “Fans did always.. think you two had some sort of.. well.. relationship with each other— rather than you just being her bodyguard. Tell me, Mr. Ackerman, did you and Hanji ever have.. a deeper relationship than fans knew of between the two of you?”

Nobody could tell, but he did hesitate. His eyes flickering upwards.

“We were engaged.” He let out quietly. Nodding his head faintly, and slowly. If he wasn’t on camera, he’d have vomit. Not because he was engaged to her, no, but because he couldn’t call himself her fiancé after the hurtful things he’d said to her.

“And would you say her being gone has taken a toll on your daily life?” The interviewer asked. “If so, how?”

He could say lots of things, many things, but he wasn’t sure how he could put it in words. Every night since then, regret, he lay in bed, he thinks… What could he have done differently?

Had he had ran after her that night, regardless of the pouring rain… he could’ve stopped her, and said.. “Let’s talk this out.” But he didn’t.

If—

“Mr. Ackerman, sir?” The interviewers voice shot through his thoughts.

His gaze flickered back up towards her. “Ah, right.” He adjusted himself slightly, “My apologies.” He said.

The interviewer shook her head, “No, it’s fine. Continue.” She said softly.

He let out a quiet exhale, nodding his head slowly. “It seems like time cast a spell on me so I won’t forget her.” He said, his eyes staring at the ground as he spoke. “Every day, whether I’m asleep, awake, working, on the phone.. It’s like the she follows me down till the sound of her voice haunts me.” He said with almost a soft, dry chuckle.

“And where do you feel that leaves you?” She asked.

He shook his head. “I don’t know.” He said, quietly. His eyes staring off into the blankness. Silence filled the room as the interviewer nodded. He inhaled thickly, “I often find myself staring at billboards that still hold her face.” His eyes looked back at the interviewer once again. “I still see her in green and blue colors. I don’t want her to leave my head, I don’t want to forget the memory of her whether she haunts me or not. I could’ve done anything— everything differently. And I didn’t.” He said, clearing his throat as he felt it trying to break through.

The interviewer listened with a somber expression. “Do you ever get angry with yourself.. knowing that you’re still grieving five years later?”

“No.” He said quietly.

“But I do get angry at myself for not going after her when I had the opportunity.”

[baybtron]

10 things i hate about you.

you hate yuji itadori.

well, maybe you don’t him…. actually who were you kidding? if you had a list of reasons why you hated him, you would read it to the whole world.

which you do.

you walk down the hallways of the campus, your earbuds in each ear, music blasting as you try to block out the loud shouts of other students who loudly trout through the hallways.

the obnoxious shouts from other students almost break through the barriers of your headphones…

what a nuisance.

as you begin to turn the corner to reach your next class, you bump into someone.

you stumble back a bit, your earbuds immediately falling from your ears, just as you open your eyes someone immediately grabs your wrist to keep you from falling back any further.

you look up in annoyance, “watch where you’re..” your voice trails off.

“sorry about that,” yuji itadori, he smiles softly. his smile gentle as his gaze, such an easy going smile. he ruffles his light pink messy locks of hair before kneeling down and picking up your fallen earbuds. standing up and handing them to you. “i wasn’t watching where i was going.”

you stare at him for a long moment before realizing he was handing your earbuds back to you. quickly taking them from him, “thank you.” you say quietly, avoiding his gaze. “it was my fault. i should’ve been paying attention.” you say before quickly walking the opposite way.

that was reason no. 1 why you hate yuji itadori.

his big dopey smile.

you stood out in the kitchen holding a glass of water in hand as everyone dances in the distance.

you were recently invited to a party, since it was an end of the year party it seemed everyone was there— some people were even surprised you arrived. 

“you made it!” a familiar voice said in the distance. Iori Utahime, one of your closest friends.

“utah!” you say with a smile as you set down your glass of water and walk over towards her, “woah, you look great!” you say with a genuine smile.

“you’re just saying that.” she says with a flattered smile.

“no no! i mean it. really.” you say with a chuckle.

“she’s not lying, utahime! you look great!” a masculine voice from your right says.

you look in that direction.

yuji itadori in his best attire.

“thanks, yuji.” utahime says casually with a slight smile.

yuji then walks closer towards the two, he looks at you with a smile. “you too! lookin’ great.” he says happily.

you don’t say anything at first.

it’s like a frog is caught in your throat. all you can do is stare as it feels like you start losing all balance in your legs. you feel as if you can hear your heart making its way out of your chest, the beats getting louder and louder. you—

“hey?” utahime says suddenly. you turn to look at her quickly, then you look at yuji. “i’m sorry—“ you choke out. “sorry— i have to use the bathroom.” you say quickly.

“hey wait—“ you honestly can’t tell which one of them said that, but you couldn’t even look back. so you just quickly walk away.

reason no. 2 why you hate yuji itadori.

he makes your insides feel all warm and fuzzy.

you lay in bed one late night, scrolling through your phone. your back was against the white cozy sheets, your hair was spread along the pillow below you.

you had a green tea face mask draped over your face as you held your phone above your head. scrolling mindlessly when someone suddenly texted you.

you look at the notification,

“Maybe: Yuji Itadori.”

that was the contact.

you sat up quickly with wide eyes as you read, “hey!” a simple message. yet so nerve wracking. you feel your hands get all clammy as you tap it.

you stare down at the message for a solid minute before beginning to text back.

“hi.” you hit send. you felt your own heart beating so loud it felt as if it were going to burst. you immediately throw your phone across the bed and plummeting your face into the pillow and screaming.

when you hear the buzz of your you immediately sit up, grabbing your phone and opening it.

“got your number from Utahime. wanna get lunch sometime?”

you stare at his message.

your fingers start to hit the keys.

“Sure.” you say.

your cheeks flush. squealing as you roll around in bed.

reason no. 3 why you hate yuji itadori.

he makes you feel like a little girl.

you stand outside of the restaurant, wearing a short dress. but not too short, you were nice flats and even put your hair up neatly. you held a handbag in hand as you stood there with a gentle smile. you waited.

and waited.

…and waited.

you pull out your phone, swiping to see the messages you sent him over two hours ago.

no response.

you just stared into your phone, before turning it off and walking away.

reason no. 4 why you hate yuji itadori.

he stood you up.

that same night, you lay in bed. your dress sprawled out on the ground, shoes thrown along the ground, you in your Pjs.

your hair was pinned up, your makeup was wiped clean off.

what a big waste of time.

but.. why did you feel this way? hugging your pillow as tears pricked your eyes. your lips twitched as you smother your face into the pillow. small sniffles leaving your nose as you curled up.

it’s not like you were dating or anything.

your phone then suddenly buzzed. you slowly removed your face from your pillow, turning the other way before grabbing your phone and yanking it off the charger. putting the screen towards your face as you open the emerging messages from yuji.

things like, “hey, im sorry.” or “i know you’re upset with me.” and—

you just shut off your phone and tossed it across the bed. 

you just sobbed.

“i hate you, yuji itadori.” you say to yourself.

reason no. 5 why you hate yuji itadori.

he makes you cry like a child.

over the next course of those days you decide to avoid him, taking every possible route opposite to his. the whole entire day you’ve been going through opposite directions— different short cuts— anything you can think of.

11pm

you sit at lunch along with utahime, and maki.

“yknow,” maki says as she swallows her food. “that doof has been looking for you all day.” you look at her from your phone, raising a brow. “she means yuji.” says utahime who looks at you raising a brow. your eyes dart back and forth between the both of them. the two start giving you the look

“no. no, no.” you say with a huff.

“you can’t ignore him forever.” says utahime.

“i’ve done so for a w—“

you’re interrupted.

“hey.” a soft voice from behind you says.

you turn around quickly to see yuji, your eyes wide. why now?

“have you been avoiding me?” he says with a worried expression.

you stand up. “No, i haven’t. i was actually just about to go.” you say as you begin to walk away. but the second you do, he grabs your wrist gently as he yanks you towards him. “hey— if this is about lunch.. i didnt mean to stand you up— if you would just read my me—“ you cut him off. “look, i get it. you just aren’t into my like that. and that’s fine.” you say as you pull away, “that’s no—“ he’s interrupted as he begins to speak. “yuji, it’s fine, really.” you say as you give a small smile before walking away.

as you walk away, he follows behind you like a clingy puppy. “c’mon, let’s talk about it.”

“i’m fine.” you say.

but yuji doesn’t give up, he never has. and after a while.. it starts to become a bit annoying.

“look.. that night was my fault.. i really didn’t mean to stand you up— it wasn’t my intentio-“ “yuji itadori!” you shout aloud. turning to face him.

“i said forget it.”

“but—“

“forget it.” you say again.

you then quickly turn around before walking away.

reason no. 6 why you hate yuji itadori.

he’s insufferable.

you stare at yourself in the mirror as you brush your teeth, your hair was tied up as you spit out the excess water and toothpaste. rinsing your toothbrush off before putting it back in its holder. you then slowly put your retainer in before stretching.

it was no later than 10:07 at night, you’d gotten home from a late night shift not too long ago. you’d brought yourself dinner, and has taken a shower. you sigh in relaxation as you plop down on your couch.

just as you grab the remote you hear something from outside of your apartment. music.

“this late at night?” you grumble as you stand up. letting out a quiet groan as you walk to the door, you unlock the locks before turning the knob and opening it to see the ruckus.

as you pull the door open you jump back a bit— startled by the person in front of you.

yuji— his big dopey smile that makes your heart race. he holds a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. “forgive me!” he says as he bows forward for forgiveness.

you stand there with wide eyes.

your cheeks immediately flush red.

“y— yuji! i already said to f—“ he cuts you off. “i know..” he says with a quiet voice. “but at least.. think about it.” he says. you look at the bouquet of flowers in his hand. “think about it as much as i think about you.”

your eyes suddenly dart to his as he says that.

oh God. it’s happening again. that fuzzy feeling.

you stand there in silence, your heart races, your hands get all clammy.

“…okay.” you finally say. slowly taking the bouquet from his hand, as well as the chocolates.

he smiles. “thank you.”

reason no. 7 why you hate yuji itadori.

he doesn’t stop until you’re happy.

a few weeks later, you find yourself outside of another restaurant. you wore a nice sundress, and baby blue flats. your bag on your shoulder as your hair is neatly styled.

you stand there, nervous. worried about whether or not it’ll just end up like last time. you did get here a bit early, so.. you expected to wait a bit. and you did.

you waited..

..and wa—

“you made it.” a voice says.

yuji.

you turn to meet his eyes, he holds up a hand. waving with a gentle smile. “Yo.” he says.

you smile softly, slowly walking over.

reason no. 8 why you hate yuji itadori.

his presence is enough to make you smile.

it was a long day, and i mean a long day. you had just worked a 5-12 hour shift. talk about pain in the ass. you walked down the empty parking lot, grabbing your car keys before pressing the unlock button and opening the door.

you get into your car, locking the door as you get in. putting the car into gear before putting on your seatbelt, you let it heat up a bit especially since it was a bit cold out. you yawn.

your hair was a mess, apron stained from spilt coffee and condiments.

you sigh, before pulling out of the parking lot and beginning to make your way home.

1:30am

you pull into the driveway of your apartment. turning the car off you sit there for a minute in silence. so relaxed you almost didn’t want to exit the car.

but you did eventually. making your way to your door you pull out your keys, fumbling them around in your hands as you frustratingly pick out your house keys. inserting them into the lock of the door before finally, unlocking. you twist the doorknob, pulling your keys from the door and shutting the door behind you.

it was dark— darker than you’d left it.

as you slowly walk through your apartment trying not to trip on anything unexpected. you notice a small trail of things on the floor— did a raccoon get in?

you follow the trail anxiously— what if someone had broken in? even worse.. a bear.

after a long while of following the trail you find that it lead you to your room. you stare at the face of the door, nervous for the outcome.

you anxiously put your hand on the doorknob, twisting it. slowly pushing it open.. you walk in.

your bedroom, covered in rose petals, fairy lights, balloons, and someone holding up a sign..

yuji itadori.

he smiled softly, holding up a sign.

words “will you be my girlfriend?” written on it.

your eyes go wide, a smile subconsciously makes its way onto your face.

“…so?” yuji says nervously.

“yes, yuji.” you say with tears in your eyes, slowly walking over with a gentle smile.

reason no. 9 why you hate yuji itadori.

because you love him.

“i never knew what my 10th reason would be.” you say softly. “i didn’t think i’d ever find my 10th reason.. until now.”

“yuji itadori, i hate you.” you say. your voice breaking. “i hate you for making me love you the way you do, i hate the way you smile, the way you make me cry, the way you make me feel like a little girl every time you come my way.” you let out a soft gasp. tears streaming down your cheeks.

“i hate the way you thought it was okay to leave me

on this earth alone.”

no. 10

[baybtron]

i really need help!!!

there was a fan fiction i read on ao3 a few months ago in like November i believe, it was a Satoru and Utahime fan fiction whereas Utahime disappeared for years to come back with a kid whom was she and Satoru’s child, he didn’t know she’d come back nor did shoko or the others except nanami who soon finds out she’s back, meets her kid named “Kai” i believe. it’s so cute, i was ATTACHED to it. never even finished it lol, help me out.

[baybtron]

𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗶𝗹𝗹

fem!reader + itadori yuji

𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗰. i unwrap for you today, a fiction following the life of a college student who struggles with her drug addiction and depression. with no plans to fix herself she continues to create a ditch in which traps her in her studies and failing exams, until meeting a guy when working after a busy night shift. one that she didn’t know would change her life, drastically.

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀. college!au heavy!angst, violence, use of over the counter or prescription drugs/ medications, heavy!drugs use, panic attack, family issues mentioned?, depression, use of weapons, slow burn?, light!fluff, fem!reader.

𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲. this is my first fan fiction ever 1) and 2) there are many details from this in which i’ve taken from euphoria.

i started this story on Monday, December 18th at 11:46.

maybe if you weren’t such a nuisance, maybe just maybe life would be better. or at least that’s what you thought, but what about what other people think? maybe they feel the same way. but who knows? who’ll ever know what other people trul— interrupted by your thoughts is your professor calling out your name from the front of the class. you practically jump out of your seat, swallowing thickly as you adjust yourself before setting your eyes on the professor. “i apologize, professor.” you say quietly, almost quiet as a mouse as you lean into your hand. your elbow resting on the desk, legs crossed as you try to focus. the professor nods his head in response, “please do try to pay attention.” he speaks aloud as he clears his throat, turning back to the board as he resumes his lecture.

though, it was hard enough for you to pay attention. being sleep deprived, and also being as high as a kite in class was not a good idea. you chuckled quietly at your own internal thoughts as you stare blankly at the board. all these other students must have a clue on what’s going on, unlike you. some woman putting her intelligence to waste by being high all day, words your mother would say if she were here.

you didn’t have much friends— or any at all. you didn’t need any, and coming from a thought that wasn’t in a way your mother would want it to be, friends were a nuisance. much like you saw yourself as one.

you trotted through the hallways of the college campus, hands in the pockets of your sweatpants as you counted each one of your steps. staring into the distance as you could feel the world around you spin, flake, disappear and come back, dissolve and bounce. carrying your black book bag— yeah, you still carried a book bag around like it were your highschool days. who cares? certainly not you. it was actually a comfort, being reminded of those days of youth. being so lost as you wobbled through the empty halls, too busy to take notice in the guy who was heading right towards you.

there was a large thump, the guy dropped his phone. you on the other hand stumbled back quite a bit, as if you were knocked out of your thoughts and back into reality. so much for a fifty dollar cart. you sighed as you scratched the back of your head lightly. “sorry, i wasn’t paying attention.” you said as you looked up at the guy whom you had ran into. Yuji Itadori.

wow, what a perfect guy. not even saying this appearance wise, but he was just perfect. ideal. he was a student athlete, full paid off scholarship from three whole sports. he was tall, dirty pink hair, light brown eyes like the autumn leaves. he had perfect grades, a perfect life, a lot of friends— he was definitely going somewhere in the future. much unlike yourself.

“no, don’t worry. that was my fault.” he gave a cheeky grin, holding up his hand as he held himself accountable. he then kneeled down to grab his phone, standing up straight again as he looked towards your direction. “trust me though, the other guys here would’ve made it a bigger deal than it should’ve been.” he chuckled in thought before tilting his head. analyzing you and your physical appearance. “you used to be on the girls baseball team in high school, right?” he questioned curiously.

oh? that was new. he’d actually recognized you, catching your interest. you just nod your head slowly, though it was still a bit hard to respond with such a slow processing time. “yeah, i.. uh..” you stammer on your words for a second before pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. to seem… more sober. “yeah, i was.” was. “i quit, after junior year though.” you gave a quick smile, before it going away. yuji nodded in understanding, “understandable.” he replied with a smile. “you look different, a good different though don’t get me wrong!” was he trying to keep this conversation up? he wasn’t doing good. “yeah— thanks.” you said bluntly. “i, uh.. really have to get going..” you gave a slightly empathetic chuckle, and a nervous smile. “i have an exam, i’ll catch up with you later though, yuji.” you said quickly, but before he could utter another sentence you’d already walked past him.

“y—“ …”yeah.” he said, looking back curiously as you walked off. “a good different.” he muttered under his breath before looking away, continuing his path as he placed his hands inside his pockets.

‘what a nuisance.’ you thought to yourself as you let out an annoyed huff.

later that night, you lie in bed, staring at your ceiling as puffs of smoke leave your mouth. your hair spread out on the white silk sheets, your arms and legs spread out as you stare at the euphoric glimmer of the sky. “i want to go to space.” you slurred out. staring into the ceiling of what was now the galaxy.

you wore a large white t- shirt, in which you had gotten from your older brother. before he had left, before the family split, before… before you were engrossed in drugs. funny, how then your mother would always say;

‘don’t get addicted to things you know you can’t go cold turkey on, pumpkin.’ pumpkin? she’d never say that. “maybe more of uh..” you muttered to yourself. “ ‘don’t do drugs, kid.’ “ you chuckled. “yeah, that sounds about right.” you said as you stared up at the galaxy patterned ceiling. which was all just a figment of your imagination of course, the floral designed underwear you wore designed in red rubbed against your skin. you lifted your arm, holding the blunt to your mouth as you inhaled.. andd exhaled. you closed your eyes. and the alarm rang. time for work.

that’s right, you take classes at 10 in the morning, leave at 12, go home for about 15 minutes.. get high and reminisce leave at 12:26 to go work, work until 2 in the morning.. go back to your apartment… and repeat.

you put on your uniform, tying your hair into a ponytail as you stared at yourself in the mirror. your eyes weren’t as bloodshot as they were in class. i mean? you didn’t need a cart for work, of course.

you thought that as you picked up your cart, stuffing it in your pocket. feeling rather prestigious knowing you can’t go anywhere without the feeling of euphoria following you around!

you sat on the edge of your bad as you put your shoes on, standing up before stretching as you let out a soft groan. “the cycle repeats.” you mutter to yourself as you grab your things and make your way out of your room, shutting the door behind you before walking towards the bathroom. sighing as you opened the mirror-cabinet to grab a small pill container. fluoxetine. didn’t help like weed carts did, but it helped enough to stay on it so when you say ‘i ran out of weed!’ you can just get more. except.. it’s given to you… and prescribed!

you closed the container before setting it back in the cabinet, closing the mirror door before switching off the light and walking out. yanking your keys from the holder as you unlocked and opened the door slowly, walking out as the burst of never-been-outside air hits you. shutting the door on your way out, you shift to your right on your heels. walking down the hallways, onto the elevator, through the lobby and outside to your car. as you got in you slumped in the drivers seat, i mean.. you could really crash into this whole complex right now and just… “boom” you emphasized to yourself before adjusting your body in the seat. setting your keys on the center console you push the start car engine button, buckle yourself in before letting the car heat up.

yeah, sure, your shift was going fine. you made it a few hours into it without bringing your cart into involvement. nor getting scolded for not cooperating by your manager. the loop was changing!

or so, you thought.

it was about 12:30 at night. tables had been cleaned, no customers until a group college students had walked in. in which you knew, and hated. though you put on a smile as you made your way to their table. “welcomeee, and what could i get for you lot.” you say in your best customer service voice.

the girl with a short black bob began to speak. “can i get—“ the girl was interrupted by a tall bulky guy with brown hair, and green eyes. he let out a loud obnoxious laugh as he analyzed you from top to bottom. “i know you.” his voice deep, husky. he tilted his head to the side.

“i, uh.. don’t think i recognize you.” well, how could you. on cloud 9 almost all the time, it’d be a surprise if you did remember.

the guy chuckled.

“i used ta’ be your dealer. till’ you basically said.. fuck yourself, and didn’t pay me.”

“i don’t recall.”

“ya’ know ya’ do.”

“maybe you’re mistaken.”

“you callin’ me dumb, bitch?”

“maybe i am.”

he chuckles. “yeah. maybe you are.” he says, his smile slowly fading. his face falling into a glare, though you knew you were fucked. you thought nothing of it.

and for the rest of that shift, you found yourself high in the clouds again. it helped with the anxiety.

about an hour later, you found yourself taking the trash out. couldn’t your colleagues have done this? or maybe something to help. you scoff. but you were feeling great, so who even cares? as long as you were feeling it so was everyone else. you pushed the back door open as you entered the slim and dark alleyway, the black trash bag in hand as you began to toss it in the trash. you stood there for a second before hearing a whistle in the distance.

“yo, bitch.” a voice you recognized called out, standing in the distance was the guy from earlier, his buddies.. and more buddies. you sighed as you held up your hands, “look.. i.. don’t want any problems.” your voice slurred slightly, but he was too angry to notice.

he trotted over, your reaction timing was moving in space time. so you had literally no time to react at all, as he punched you square in the face. you swear you could feel every bone in your face shift as you fell back, you let out a loud groan. looking up as your eyes widened slightly, but so gone only half of you didn’t realize what was going on.

a few more of his guys joined in, assaulting a cafe worker at 1 in the morning.. in the middle of a dark alleyway. how ironic. after a while you were sat against the brick wall, a cut on your swollen cheek, a bloody nose, and a pool of blood leaking out of your mouth.

“what a nuisance.” the guy spat at you. walking away with the rest of his buddies. your eyes followed him.

“where have i heard that before?” you muttered out as you leaned your head back against the wall. your hand slowly making its way into your pocket as you pulled out your cart. bringing it to your mouth.

inhale, exhale.

closing your eyes as your lungs inhaled the euphoric air.

“yo.”

a voice echoed through your head.

“yo!”

“yoooooooooo!”

your eyes shot opened, coming to your senses as your turn your head slightly to the side. your eyes adjusting to the darkness as you see a silhouette of a man kneeled down in front of you. at first you were able to recognize who it was. but your eyes did you justice, only to realize it was yuji. what a coincidence.

“sheesh.. what happened to you? you look beat up!” he says as he analyzes your face. grabbing your had slowly before helping you up. you couldn’t balance yourself though, so he held you on your feet by the waist. barely conscious as his voice began to fade from your ears. as he walked with you you were completely out of it. he didn’t know any info on you, where you live.. or anything really, except that you did girls baseball in high school, the same one he went to. and had a few conversations with you.. but did you even remember?

he looked concerned as he kept his focus on you, he had no choice but to take matters into his own hands.

you woke up hours later, laying on your back in bed. staring up at the bright ceiling as the sun trickled through the curtains. but this wasn’t… your bed. hell, this wasn’t even your room. “what the.. fuck..” you muttered confusingly as you sat up. wincing a bit in pain, bringing a hand to your face as you felt the bruise on your upper cheek.

the room had navy blue walls, consisted of posters of Jennifer Lawrence, random movies in which you’d never seen, video game consoles and a desk. yeah, this definitely wasn’t your room.

“you’re awake.” your head almost snapped as you turned to the right, facing where the voice had come from. standing in the doorway was yuji. you analyzed him as he stood in his sweatpants and Jennifer Lawrence shirt which had pictures of her face collaged onto it. you cringed. then looking back at his face. “oh, um.. hi. yeah.” you pulled your legs over the edge of the bed. only to realize you were in large red pajama pants, which weren’t yours. and your t shirt, which was under your work uniform before.. all this happened. “sorry, but what am i doing here?” you ask.

he leans against the doorframe. your figure was small in his pajama pants, he didn’t do anything weird or creepy he just wanted you to feel comfortable rather than sleeping in work pants that could wake you up with an ache in your legs. “you really don’t recall?” he asked curiously.

“yeah, i mean…—“ you shot a frown. “can you just..- enlighten me, einstein.” you mutter. he blinks, chuckling a bit. “okay, no need to get aggressive” he said as he made his way in, handing you strawberry yogurt with a spoon. sitting besides you on the bed as you reluctantly take it. “found you unconscious, all beat up in an alleyway. i woke you up for a second, but you just passed right back out.” he chuckled. “brought you to my place—“ he held up his hands. “and i swear on my life, didn’t do anything weird. i just changed you into my favorite pajama pants— so you weren’t uncomfortable. i didn’t sleep in the same bed as you either. slept on the couch.” he said, in full honestly before putting his hands back on his lap.

not that you cared, anyway. if he even did do anything, you were unconscious anyway. “oh, and i also put some stuff to help with the bruising and scratches on your face. i also stopped your lip from bleeding.. it was pretty busted.” he said with a grin. it made you raise a brow, this guy was mindful. and he was proud of himself for it… well, not that being careful and mindful was bad but— “never mind.” you muttered to yourself, he raised a brow. “what?” he said suddenly. you almost shot up, looking back at him. “oh.. err.. nothing, sorry.” you said awkwardly before shooting up again. “and— thanks.” you were a bit of an awkward and anxious person— when you weren’t under the influence of drugs, it’s clear that you didn’t care about your own wellbeing.

“well—“ you said suddenly before yuji spoke up again, “y’know..” he said quietly. you turned your head to face him again. and he faced you. “smokings not good for you.” he said with an almost innocent gaze, before standing up and stretching with a groan. “keep the pants, by the way.” he said with a pure smile. if you were high, you’d laugh. but you could just stare in silence as you slowly stood up. “my.. uh.. my car.” you said quietly. “hm?” he turned to you, “oh, i have your keys. car is still by the cafe. if you need me to help ya’ cause you’re a little woozy i can help.” he said softly as he pulled out your keys from his pocket and tossed them to you.

you caught them with both hands, cringing slightly at his offer. “er, no thanks.” you said quietly. “but thanks.” you said again.

when you two stood at his door you had all your things gathered, though you still had his pajama pants on. which he said was fine. “thank you, again, yuji.” you said, you were thankful. you really were. you just couldn’t express it. “no problem, bun.” he said with a smile. ‘bun’? you raised a brow. what an odd guy. as you were about to walk away he suddenly spoke again. “hey.. sorry.. but uh..” he stammered a bit. you turned around to face him, a bit curious as to what he had to say. “we should really.. like.. hang out more.” hang out? “and er—“ he scratched his head. “you really should quit the smoking thing.” the smoking term, again. that’s funny. you thought. but the thought of him wanting to hang out.. also sort of peaked your interest. “….okay.” you said softly. you hadn’t even realized you had uttered that out. but you did. you now had a friend. maybe?

later that day you lay in your own bed, you had taken a shower so your hair was still a bit damp. your body was curled up as you hugged a stuffed animal. you weren’t high.. not one bit. but you were thinking of the words of yuji, ‘you should really quit the smoking thing.’ you almost scoffed aloud as you thought of it again. “as if.” you muttered before your hand slid under your pillow, pulling her cart from under it.

a smirk on your face as you brought it up to your mouth, but stopped as it was only a few inches away.

‘you should really quit that smoking thing.’

“that smoking thing.” you snorted. pulling the cart back from her face, before tossing it the other way. “okay, yuji.” she muttered to herself.

‘ why does some silly boy have a huge influence on me? ‘

the next day you found yourself getting ready again for your classes, you missed the other day so there was an unexcused absence. you didn’t mind— well, usually you didn’t. but you found yourself today feeling a bit.. stressed maybe? not sure. it was an odd feeling.

you dressed yourself in a t shirt and jeans, adjusting how your clothes looked on your body you made your way into the bathroom. staring at yourself in the mirror for a few minutes.. that felt like.. forever.

“i look weird.”

you say quietly to yourself.

“i feel weird.”

you say in a louder voice, almost jumping out of your skin when you realize how loud you can be. as if you didn’t know you could be any louder.

you just sigh, feeling weird. but your body feels oddly warm. in a good way of course. you almost crack a smile as you open the mirror cabinet, pulling out the container of prescription pills. “these wouldn’t count.. right?” you stared at them. you then let out a heavy sigh before putting them back, closing the mirror and walking out of the bathroom.

“no.”

you grab your bags as you slightly adjust your hair.

what are you doing that for? you catch yourself, questioning in your head as to why you would even care about things such as your own hair. you take a minute to think before brushing it off. you grab your phone, shoving it into your pocket as you walk out of your room, making your way to the front door as you slip on your black uggs. you twist the doorknob after unlocking it, grabbing your keys before standing there for a second.

you’re forgetting something.

you stare at the doorknob as you dissociate from your body. “it’s probably nothing.” you mutter out before walking out the door, shutting the door behind you as make your way out.

unlike your job, the college campus was literally right next door! all you had to do was a little bit of walking. you’d be fine, right?

“you made it early for once.” your professor said with a small smile. you looked up from wherever you stood. staring for a second before shaking out of your thoughts. “yeah.. i uh.. i.. i made it.” you give a small yet awkward smile. “well, take a seat then.” he offers kindly as he turns around and starts cleaning off the board. you nod in response as you make your way to your seat in the front row, crossing your legs as you look around.

“you know…. in the beginning of the year, you were my best student.” the professor said. you looked over, he was a scrawny old man with long grey hairs. he seemed sweet too. “oh..” was all you could mutter out. wanting to tell him more for some reason, he just tilted his head. “what happened, young one?” he questioned curiously. though you could sense a feeling of warmth from him, “well..” just before you could speak, mote students came flooding in. interrupting your train of thought and voice, you just stopped. and looked away. though, your professor didn’t pry. he just nodded, and faced the other students.

after that class you found yourself, yet again walking through the hallways. you looked around as you sort of.. admired the campus view. “why’ve i never noticed this?” you muttered to yourself as you looked around. you nodded your head as if approving the beautiful scenery like never before. you chuckle to yourself before heading into the library, which you’ve never done before. quite odd of you.

pulling out your phone as you quietly walk in, the library filled with books of every genre. i mean, of course. it’s a library. you sit down at a nearby table, there were a few other people here as well. scattered around studying, or just reading.. but you didn’t mind. you felt a sense of peace? maybe. until you heard a familiar voice.

“yo!” a male voice said aloud, a few voices shushing him in the background. you looked up as you noticed him, a small smile appearing on your face, before fading as you noticed four other people following behind him. a rather tall male with black spiky hair, following by a shorter guy with white hair and a black mask. a girl with a short brown bob, and another with a long black high ponytail. they all waved and sat down.

“hey!” the female with the brown eyes and short brown hair said with a smile, “we’ve heard a lot about you, from yuji of course!” she said happily. the others agreeing. she held out her hand to shake yours as she leaned over the table. you looked down at her hand, hesitant. you looked back at her and then smiled. she awkwardly pulled her hand away. yuji smiled, “don’t be nervous. these are my friends, nobara, megumi, maki, and toge. wanted to introduce them to you.” he said happily.

“tuna.” the white haired male introduced as toge spoke. in which the girl, maki, with the long ponytail agreed with him. she pushed her glasses up slightly as she sat up. “you have an odd scent— don’t get me wrong, you look good but usually— and i see you around campus a lot.. usually you look out of it. are you feeling okay today?” she asked curiously.

“oh— i.. uh..” you stammered.

“maki! why would you ask such a question?” nobara butted in.

megumi peaked in from his phone. “maybe she’s just having a good day.” he mustered.

toge responded, “tuna mayo.” which you didn’t quite understand.

yuji tried to speak a few times but they continued to argue a bit more, they’d ask you questions but wouldn’t let you answer them. overwhelming you as they argued and argued and argued.

you felt yourself getting overwhelmed, your face felt like it was heated as your chest started to become heavy. your eyes darted from each of them before standing up quickly, gathering your things and walking off without say.

yuji noticed you before anyone, standing up as he watched you rush away. he shouted your name, “wait! please—“ he called after you. but you kept walking, you walked until you were off the campus. looking around as cars passed by, people laughed and chatted as you rushed through. the sidewalks seemed like they were always crowded.. but why now? why now when you felt the world caving in on you? why now when you felt as if you couldn’t breath.

why now when you felt isolated?

you rushed to the student apartment complex as your hand never left your chest, trying to catch your breath as if you just ran a mile. your eyes darted around making sure no one followed you, fumbling with the keys in your pocket as you made your way up the stairs. “mom.. mommy.” you muttered under your breath. as if she would even come. what was wrong with you?

finally opening the door you yanked your keys out of the lock and slammed the door behind you, not even locking it as you dropped your things. you rushed around, rummaging through your things.

“where is it?” you shouted, as if you were in fear. as if you were hiding from someone. you destroyed your room, the living room, your cabinets, drawers, until you moved onto your bed next. you grabbed your pillow and threw it as your breath scurried away from you. tears filling your eyes as you destroyed everything in your path… until you found it. your cart, you yanked it towards you quickly. putting it to your mouth.

inhale, exhale.

but you felt nothing.

you opened your eyes, your breathing getting increasingly quicker as you stood up. “what the fuck? what the fuck.. what the fuck!” you shouted as you pulled your hair. you kicked your dresser as you rushed around your room. god, you ran into the bathroom. you looked through everything.. to find nothing. nothing, nothing, nothing.

more tears left your eyes, you sat against the wall as you banged your head against it. thinking, thinking, thinking.

you had no money— you had nothing. you couldn’t just call up a dealer. you had nothing. nothing…

your eyes shot open. you stood up quickly, looking around as you swallowed thickly.

something.

you slowly made your way into your room, walking towards the closet as your hands shakily moved towards the knob. opening it slowly as you looked up at the upper shelf of your closet, there sat a gun. you stood on the tips of your toes grabbing it barely with the tips of your fingers as you brought it down.

you stared at it, taking a deep breath as you closed your eyes. shakily holding it up, you pointed it towards your head. closing your eyes slowly. god, you were so lost that you didn’t even notice..

“what the hell are you doing?” your eyes shot open. turning around quickly as you looked at the person.. yuji? your breath began to quicken again. and before you knew it you pointed the gun at him. “get out.” you muttered out.

his eyes widened. staring at you, his eyes darting from the gun and back to your face. he took a step back. “look— i.. i don’t know what happened out there, but i can help you. i really can.” he nodded his head as he took a step closer. “just.. please p—“ you interrupted him. aiming it straight at him, your tears drying. “don’t come any closer.” in which he nodded. “right..” he muttered as he held up his hands. “look, i promise. i can get you the help you need— anything just d..”

“stop acting like you’re my friend, yuji.”

“what?”

“i said: Stop acting like you’re my friend.”

“i.. i am your friend. you’re mine.”

“we were never friends! i never asked you to be my friend— i never did! you just decided to come into my life!”

“…”

“you ruined it all! i felt so good.. so relieved.. so alone. and you came and ruined it!”

“you were already ruining yourself!”

“—and how would you have even noticed? you’ve never even spoken to me.”

“but i have. don’t you remember?”

“what..?”

“of course you don’t. when i said i knew you from high school— i didn’t just know you as that big shot on the girls baseball team. we met at a party— and we talked.. and.. we danced. but of course—“

“you’re lying.”

“you would’ve remembered if you didn’t drown yourself in drugs every day and night.” he spat. your eyes widened. lowering the gun, only slightly.

that’s right.. that’s right.

the music was loud, you stood there in your short sparkly royal blue dress as you danced. your friends, people you didn’t know surrounded you as the music blasted. your friends giggled as you all danced, and shouted to communicate over the music.

you felt a bit dehydrated, as all you did was drink and dance. drink as in alcohol.

“i’m uh.. gonna go get a drink!” you shouted to your friends, in which they all nodded. as you pushed your way through the crowded room full of dancing high school students you walked over to the table full of foods, drinks, alcohol.. but you grabbed a water. twisting the top off as you brought it to your lips.

“fun party, right?” a male voice from behind you said. you turned around, a smile tugging at your lips. yuji itadori. “funny seeing you here.” you said with a soft chuckle. “but yeah, fun, i guess.” you replied.

“you look good!”

“what?”

“i said, you look good!”

you giggle to yourself as you tap your ear, the music blasting.

“i can’t hear you!”

yuji chuckled to himself before taking a few steps closer, “i said you look good!” he said with a smile as he stared at you.

you stared at him, a bit surprised by the compliment before smiling. “thank you, yuji.” you said softly, staring up at him.

the two standing in front of each other with soft gazes.

now stare at each other in fear, confusion, and despair.

“please.” yuji says again, “put the gun down.” his voice breaking a bit. and all you do is stare, the tears welling up in your eyes as you just collapse onto the floor. sobbing like a child. the gun beside you, but not in your possession.

and without hesitation itadori runs towards you, kneeling down as he helps you up slightly. “it’s okay, don’t cry, don’t cry.” his voice soft, he wipes your tears with care as you sit up on your knees. holding you in his arms as he sits on his own knees. “i’m here.” he says softly.

“i’m sorry, yuji.” you choke out as he wipes your tears, staring at him as he holds you in his arms.

“i don’t know what i’m supposed to do.” you sob out.

he lets out a heavy sigh. “i’ll be here with you, okay?” he pulls you closer to him. and you let him. your head lay against his chest, he leans back against the foot of your bed. holding you close to him as he tilts his head back. stroking your hair as you sob into his chest.

“just the two of us.”