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bbxkruger · 3 months
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billy: so how big are you?
hughie: 6’1 i think…
billy: no, i mean how big are you in bed
hughie: still 6’1? just sideways?
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bbxkruger · 3 months
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Armin: captain! There’s a man outside who said he’d give me a coke if I gave him my underwear!
Levi: *immediately standing up and grabbing a sword* which way did he go?
Armin: I don’t know! I think—
Connie: *walking in with a can of coke* you guys won’t believe what just happened
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bbxkruger · 1 year
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Adrian: *throwing his head onto y/n’s lap* tell me I’m pretty
Y/n: pretty fucking annoying is what you are
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bbxkruger · 1 year
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MM: you were stabbed, do you remember anything?
billy: i remember being in an ambulance
MM: that wasn’t an ambulance, i was driving you in the van
billy: then why do i remember sirens?
MM: those weren’t sirens, that was Hughie
Hughie: sorry, i got nervous
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bbxkruger · 1 year
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billy: get me a vodka rocks
MM: butcher, it’s breakfast
billy: and a piece of toast
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bbxkruger · 1 year
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MM: so frenchie, when did you get your driver’s license?
Frenchie: my what?
MM: *struggling for the door handle* i need to get out of this car
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bbxkruger · 1 year
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Hereditary Sin: Prologue
Remus Lupin x Platonic!Student!OFC
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A/N: My first ever fic omg. Feel free to give this criticism lol. This is on my ao3 too :o @bbforbreakfast
!!REMUS AND THE OC ARE PURELY PLATONIC!! NO ROMANCE WHATSOEVER BETWEEN THEM
Summary: While many students pity Harry Potter for his infamous upbringing, Lorelei Burke salutes him for it. She has a dark past of her own; one that, fortunately, has been able to be kept under wraps by Dumbledore and those who know about it. Entering her third year not long after a terrible tragedy takes place in her family, Lorelei relishes in the safety and positive life Hogwarts gives her. That is until, her past comes to Hogwarts; threatening to unravel the image of herself that she has created for her peers and professors. The new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher soon comes to Lorelei's aid, determined to accomplish what he has failed to do in the past: save a friend.
His head was still spinning when he stepped outside of the infirmary to get fresh air. The rainstorm outside has come down from its dramatic climax; in the open stone arches, mist from the downpour swept in through swift waves. Mist settled upon Remus' face. The smell of wet earth and stone was a strange comfort to him. In such a time of emergency, he somehow immediately felt himself relax. He closed his eyes, his tense shoulders dropping from his ears, the lines of tensions in his forehead dissolving as he felt the muscles in his face become lax. The black cloud swirling and building up in his chest suddenly escaping his lungs as he let out a long exhale into the cold night air.
  When he opened his eyes, he was standing at the edge of the ocean. It was a rigid March day, frigid wind softly whipped through the air. Even in his much-too large jumper, Remus still felt the wind spindling it's way through the wool, looking up at the sky that was a huge globe of pearly white. He flexed his little hands and scrunched up his tiny nose, both of which were red and raw from the cold. All of a sudden, he felt strong arms wrap around his body. A huge weight that felt as though someone had draped a skinned bear over his figure. The cold immediately turned into a cozy warmth as he smelled the musk of his father's giant corduroy jacket and pungent aftershave from behind him. Another huge cloud of cool mist sprinkled Remus' skin and blurred his vision, making him screw his eyes shut and huddle closer against his father's warmth. His father let out a good belly chuckle, which vibrated against Remus' back.
"Look, Remmy! Look at Mummy!" He said through a fit of laughter pointing ahead to the woman standing where the tide swept in. He saw a woman with sandy blonde hair dancing around in the water, her red feet kicking the waves as they came in. "Alright Hope, come on! We'll be eating Remmy's cake in the St. Mungos since his mother decided to get a bloody cold!" He scolded, although Remus could hear the smile in his father's voice from behind him.
"Oh hush" she joked before kicking her foot up at the pair in front of her, sending damp sand in their direction. Lyall Lupin scoffed while Remus giggled, shielding his face. Her mother smiled brightly as she approached her boys
"See Remmy likes when I torture you!" She laughed as she enveloped the two into a group hug. Remus felt intoxicated by the overwhelming yet warm smell of his mother's perfume and the scent of his father's jacket. He never wanted to leave this moment. He screwed his eyes shut even tighter than before and clung onto his parents for dear life, like they would disappear if he was to let go. After a few moments, he felt the wind whip his cheek again before his mother placed her hands of either side of his face.
"Happy Birthday, Remmy. Mummy loves you so much"
It was March 10th, 1965.
A loud, muffled clatter from inside the infirmary slammed him back into reality, it sounds like a struggle prompted a tray of equipment to be knocked over. Even From outside the heavy wooden door he can still hear her screaming the same sentence at Dumbledore and Snape, the sentence which she can barely bring to a whisper when Lupin had first encountered her stumbling into the castle. 
In the hours that preceded the current struggle in the infirmary, Remus was the one to find young Lorelei. It was dinnertime and Remus was on his way to his office with a rather heavy stack of papers that were in dire need of grading. The full moon was to come in another three days, he thought it would be best to get as much work done before it was time. In the soft glow of the torches mounted upon the walls, the moving figure made him do a double take as almost all students were in the Great Hall for supper, as well as professors. Stopping in his tracks, he squinted and opened his mouth to greet the figure. The words died in his throat as his eyes adjusted to the dim hallway. The person was drenched from head to toe from the roaring storm outside, the vast patches of blood on the front of its uniform washing away into a soft pink. The blood smeared on its pallid forehead and hands running down its skin and dripping onto the brick under their feet. The sight made every hair on his body stand on end. He felt as though he had been electrocuted, like someone had poured a sack of lead into his stomach; a hot flash of panic so intense that he felt it spread through the soles of his feet.
On instinct, he whipped out his wand and pointed it towards the intruder; "Who are you?!"
Remus thought he heard whispering, although there was a possibility that the adrenaline rushing through his blood could have allowed him to hear a pin drop. The figure kept inching closer.
"Show yourself dammit! Drop your wand and show me your hands!" A sudden clatter of wood echoed across the hallway, the sudden noise made him jolt.The figure moved painfully slow, the echo of the wand dropping to the floor slowly ceased, bringing the hallway back to its original standstill. It grew close enough that Remus could hear the uneven pattern of its footsteps. It's limping, Remus thought. He held its breath, he felt his eyes dilate and breath quicken with anticipation. Please don't let it be him. Please Sirius, don't be the one I'm about to kill. And if I do end up killing you, please know that it was to protect the children. To protect Harry. The thought made his heart darken. Please-
As if Merlin himself had listened to his thoughts, A bolt of lightning filled the corridor with light. It wasn't Sirius, nor was it a man. It was Lorelei Burke. His third-year student would always crack a joke to ease tension among her classmates. Who would give a bright smile to those who were down or would help a struggling student. The bright student who practically leveled Hermione Granger in her wits, the two having innocent battles of current knowledge of what they were learning about in their charms class. Who would let Harry steal the candy that was Merlin-knows how old at the bottom of her bag. The stoic student who would try to hide her nosebleeds and dark looks from her peers in times of stress; but only few like Remus would notice.
She had secrets. Of course everyone had secrets, but hers were dark; far beyond anything Remus could have expected from one of his brightest students.  Through his efforts to get her to open up to him, he had failed. Oh, Merlin, how he had failed. And now, the living proof of his failure was standing before him. Though the lightning only lasted a few moments, The state of Lorelei would be an image that would be etched into the core of his mind for as long as he shall remember. Her eyes were lost, disconnected, yet full of such fear and alarm. One of the eyes had blood in them, causing her to blind rapidly every few minutes out of discomfort. Her limp was the result of a ghastly gash below her left kneecap. Her hair, which was rarely ever down, was drenched and raggedly framing her face. Her quivering lips were gaping open and closed like a fish breathing for air, which was not far off from what she was trying to do.
"Puh... pro- profes..." She briefly tried and failed to speak before sagging against the wall, stretching a bloody and shaking hand out into the open air. The voice wasn't Lorelei's, nor did it sound like it being so strained and cracked. His mind didn't even register committing to movement any time soon before he saw her lift another trembling arm to shield her face, her rickety breaths increasing speed by the second. She thinks you're going to attack her! Lower your wand, you bloody git! In one swift movement, he placed his wand back into his pocket and raced to Lorelei. The girl sagged against the wall like a sack of potatoes until Remus caught her. Carefully kneeling to the floor, he examined her leg wound before looking back to her face. He touched her forehead, checking for a wound.
"Lorelei!? What-?"
"s'not.. nuhmuhbluh" she panted, her fearful, wide eyes staring straight into his soul. Her hands have come to grip the collar of his cardigan. Her breathing had evolved into a quick, periodic wheeze that echoed into the corridor.
"What!?" He whisper-shouted. Her knuckles turned white from the vice-like grip on his sweater. She jerked her hands towards her chest, bringing Remus with them. Remus had to stop himself from yelping from the sudden action. Understanding, he turns his head so he can hear her better.
"s'not my blood!" She brought her voice to the highest volume she can, which was a shaky rattle. Remus felt his blood turn to ice. He grabbed her by the shoulders.
"What happened? Whose blood is this, Lorelei!?" He couldn't help the tremor that laced his voice. Her trembling ceased for a dull moment. Her breathing stopped before she reluctantly turned to look over her shoulder. Suddenly, another pound of lead was in Remus' stomach. He didn't even think of the possibility that whoever did it has followed her into the castle. At this rate, who knows how close they are to catching up to Lorelei. Without a moment's notice, he picked her up and started sprinting towards the infirmary. His heart was pounding in his ears, his legs were burning in muscles that he hasn't used in years. He cursed himself for not exercising in the last few years. For Merlin's sake, you're only thirty-five years old! MOVE IT! 
Rounding the corner, he nearly collided with another person. It was Snape. Never in his life had he been so happy to see the man. The latter however, looked like he was about so say something before freezing on the spot upon seeing his former classmate with a bloodied nearly-unconscious student in his arms.
"What is the meaning of this, Lupin?" He nearly bellowed, bringing up his hands to inspect Lorelei's leg wound.
"Burke was attacked, Whoever did it is on the school grounds. Notify Dumbledore and get everyone into a safe place, NOW!"
Sending one last look to the girl, Snape hurried down the length of the hallway towards the great hall. Watching him go, Lupin continued his stride to the infirmary as he barely registered Lorelei's final mutterings before slipping into unconsciousness
"Hare.... Hare.. ws'her... m'sry hare..."
Snapping out of his daze, Remus took his first deep breath in what seemed like years. Feeling the ice of the winter air enter his lungs. He could see his breath swirl as he exhaled. Taking one more for good measure, he looked around.
He couldn't understand how everything lead to this. His thoughts were bad enough before the full moon, but chaos seemed to come at every turn nowadays. His best friend betrayed his own friends. Three of his friends were dead. Sirius has come back hunting for his godson at the cost of other students' safety. And soon Remus would have to endure yet another transformation. Now not only was Harry in danger, but also Lorelei. He had once again failed to protect someone who needed help.
He looked up at the clouds, which still threw great rain from the sky. However, he began to see the translucent glow of a waxing gibbous moon. That wretched moon. His chest began to compress again. The struggle in the infirmary raged on as Lorelei kept screaming and objects were sent clattering. He could feel the mist from the rain seeping into his robes, permeating into the fabric and dampening his skin. The storm was no longer comforting, it hissed, and shouted. But he didn't want the rain to stop that night. He would do anything to stop the clouds from dwindling away, revealing that miserable orb.
He clamped his hands over his ears, squeezed his eyes shut, and prayed for silence. Just this once.
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bbxkruger · 2 years
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*hughie and billy are in the bathtub together*
billy: this is so gay
hughie: we’re gay
billy: i’m not THIS gay
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bbxkruger · 2 years
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hughie: ok so you hate homelander, now you hate annie. how many enemies do you have exactly?
billy, without hesitation: 37
billy: it was 36 but then my bitch neighbor had a baby
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bbxkruger · 2 years
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bbxkruger · 2 years
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billy: new drinking game, i drink every time i feel sad
MM: that’s already a drinking game… it’s called alcoholism
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bbxkruger · 2 years
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Carl: my dad has no idea i’m high right now
Rick: you’re high?!?
Carl: … sorry…
Carl: *Turns to Daryl* my dad has no idea i’m high right now
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bbxkruger · 3 years
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hughie: help! i told annie i would cook for her tonight but i can’t cook!
billy, pouring milk directly into the cereal box: and you thought i could be able to help with that?
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bbxkruger · 3 years
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MM: how much money do you have?
Billy:
MM: Billy…
Billy: i have none so i said nothing
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bbxkruger · 3 years
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*at a bar*
hughie: oh i gotta go
billy: arent you forgetting something?
hughie: uh…? *kisses billy’s forehead and runs out*
billy: no! pay your bill! damn, who raised you?!?
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bbxkruger · 3 years
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hughie: i remember when i had a fake ID in high school
billy: what would you need a fake ID for?
hughie: so i can vote?
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bbxkruger · 3 years
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*group finds billy knocked up on the floor after a fight*
MM: okay, if it’s a concussion you have to ask him questions to keep him conscious
hughie, to billy: whats 7x7?
MM: stuff he knows!
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