beingdaniellarebecca

[beingdaniellarebecca]

How to Make Imposter Syndrome a Thing of the Past

Imposter syndrome: A fancy savy turm for feelings of severe inadequacy and self-doubt regarding one’s skills and achievements. You may have heard of it?

Recognizing Imposter Syndrome

My own experiences with imposter syndrome can be traced far back. One memory stands out really clearly in my mind. I am 15, clad in black sweaters and eyeliner, lying in my bed, listening to My Chemical Romance. I feel depressed and hopeless, and here is the thought causing those feelings: Woe is me, l will never be able to be the frontwoman of a famous emo band because neither of my parents were drug addicts. 

I’m super serious. I legitimately thought that because my life did not look like Gerard Way’s, I would never be able to create music the way that he did. 

Years have passed, my music taste has evolved and rotated, and this imposter syndrome I speak of has lessened. Actually, these past few months, it’s lessened so much, that I can look back and fully recognize the state of imposter syndrome I was once in. At the time, it felt so real, like all my fears were true and there was no other option but to believe them. Like a fish who doesn’t know what water is because he’s never known anything else. 

Exposing Imposter Syndrome as a Jumble of Untrue Thoughts

In retrospect, I can now put a name to that cloud of confusion that surrounded me, the fear that I'm not good enough, that I don't know enough, the paralyzing self-doubt that I was doing everything all wrong. The absolute conviction that I do not have what it takes.

In my opinion, this is really the essence of imposter syndrome. This conviction that we are lacking something that other’s have, like they are all ‘real’ artists/musicians/entrepreneurs, and I am only an imposter. Be it a specific education, more money, a different nationality, we think we can’t be like them cause we aren’t them.

These days, when imposter syndrome comes for a visit, I politely direct it towards the nearest exit, reminding it to take a mint on it’s way out. You see, I’ve figured out how to see through imposter syndrome's cloudy veil. I've found out how to unravel all the little knots it has tied up around me.

I have a friend who draws and paints. Often when we talk, my friend and I, she brings up all her insecurities and self-doubts regarding her art Instagram account. She wants to someday have lots of followers, and make money off of her art, and share it with the world. But she sees other artists’ accounts, the kinds with 15k followers, and she compares herself to them. 

"I don't have a consistent style like them." 

"I'm not interesting like them." 

"I don't have the confidence that they do." 

(Enter imposter syndrome.)

Let me tell you something about my friend. Her art is really good. She posts consistently, just like all those other people do. When I open up her account and look at it from an outsider's point of view, it looks like a blooming art account, with all the right stuff happening in all the right places. High quality art. Consistent posting. I look at her account and see no difference between hers and that of one of those famous people she mentioned, content-wise. She’s doing everything right.

So I tell her that. I say, “Dude, from where I’m standing, your account looks just like all those other accounts. I know you, so I know about all your overthinking and indecisiveness, all of your insecurities and self-doubts. But if I was looking at your account and I didn’t know you, I would see a flawless account and assume a flawless creator. So aren’t we doing that to all those successful artists that we don’t know personally? They probably are thinking exactly what you’re thinking. That they aren’t good enough, that they aren’t consistent enough…you just can’t see it from their account. Someone below you is probably looking at your account thinking ‘I’ll never be where she is.’”

BAM. 

Do you get my point? Did I make it clear enough? 

If not, let me clarify that for you: Imposter syndrome is a trick of the mind, misinforming us and coming to mythical conclusions based on the little we know of other people.

Here's another example. My mom started doing Facebook lives lately, to promote her mind-body chronic pain coaching service. One time, literally in the same house as her, but in a different room, I went on Facebook and tuned in to her call for a few minutes. 

From my computer, it looked like any other Facebook live. It could've been Joe Dispenza talking. (Super famous mind-body guru. Look him up.) Except it wasn’t, it was my mom, and there weren’t as many people watching. But again, content-wise? Same quality.

What I knew about my mom, that all of her viewers didn’t, was that she had a glass of wine before she went live, to calm her nerves, and that as soon as it was over, she was anxiously overthinking all the things she said, cursing herself for whatever unnoticeable mistakes she made. I don’t know Joe Dispenza personally. But I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that he goes through a similar ordeal, unknown to his viewers. Or that he did, at some point in his early beginnings as a New Age sensation.

We see what others do from the outside, and we think it was all smooth sailing for them. That they were born with a 300k fanbase and a soaring talent for whatever it is. We see their posts, their videos, their finished projects, and for the most part, we don't see their thoughts, feelings, fears, self-doubts....and we believe that we are different than them. We think they have it all together. We think that because of that, we can never succeed because we don’t have it all together. But neither do they! Or at least, they didn’t in the beginning! And that is perfectly fine and natural. It’s just part of being a creator. Everyone experiences it. (Maybe a few people don’t. I’m not sure where they come from or what they’re doing here.)

Now I’ve shown you the untruth fueling this notorious imposter syndrome. Now I’ll tell you what is true. 

Feeling the Fear and Doing it anyway

What is true is that you definitely will not succeed if you don't try. The difference between those who are out there creating content, music, films, art, and those who aren't, is that the first group feels the fear and does it anyway. While the second feels the fear...and maybe gives it a little too much space.

I’m all for giving your fear a little space. See it, allow it, accept it, acknowledge it. And then do the thing anyway.

Realizing that there is nothing significant that separates me from the people out there succeeding has helped me lower the volume on my imposter syndrome. And now I have a blog, where I write articles that I don’t feel so confident about, but I keep working at. I know now that most people started exactly where I did, and if I keep at it, I have a chance of getting to where they are. Because the only difference between them and me is time and experience. Skill is aquired. (If you think talent is something you’re born with and have no control over, than read Daniel Coyle’s The Talent Code. Basically, it’s not, but that’s for a whole different article.)

I hope that I’ve helped you open your eyes a little bit more to the reality that you have everything you need to get started. Or maybe you already knew, and you just needed a little reminder. Go out and follow your dream. Go do the thing. Feel your fear, call it by its true name- a false thought- and do it anyway.

[beingdaniellarebecca]

Trick to be Productive Whilst Being Present in Body and Mind

You know that feeling when you are just so calm, collected, like you and the Universe are just in this magical flow, and everything is just okay? I like feeling that way. In fact, it is totally my goal in life to just feel that way, all the time.

A Taste of Freedom

When the COVID-19 came to town, I was off work and ordered to stay home. Most of us were. A lot of people got bored, stressed out, and some people even became depressed. 

Me, I had the time of my life. I noticed myself experiencing that magical-flowing-peace feeling I mentioned a lot more often. I had no work to go to, and I had full days where I could just chill and take my time on everything. No one needed anything from me! I listened to music, I made music, I cooked healthy meals, I sat in the sun and read….it was total heaven. I was committed to experiencing a life full of days like those.

Then Things Got Hard

I had so much more free time and my creativity was in full bloom. You know what else? I had tons of energy. I had the mental space I needed to take on some new projects. One of them is this blog. Another one of them was taking a deep dive into music theory. Another was learning more piano songs. 

All the free time started to fill up with these projects. I made a schedule to make sure I worked on each of my projects daily. I felt my peace slipping away. I had goals now. I expected of myself a certain level of productivity. (Ugh.) 

The slow calm days turned to fast stressful days. I wanted out. Couldn’t I get my peace back and still be productive?? When I was in those peaceful days, I was still getting stuff done. So why were my new endeavors causing me so much stress? Why had taking on new projects changed my whole vibe? 

I thought back to those wonderful days full of sun and slowed down clocks. Time seemed to be on my side. These days, it felt like we were in competition. I was always in a rush. With every task I sat down to do, I was just aiming to finish it so I could check it off my list and move to the next one. 

How to be Productive and still be present in Body and Mind

What I discovered is that I could still be productive, and also be calm. I know, it sounds like a total dream. It is. 

Here’s how: I can simulate that feeling of calm by simply slowing the F down. By deliberately doing things slower. 

“...What? How does that make any sense?”

Let me give you an example: 

I’m sitting at my laptop typing at 400 miles per hour. My mind is a tangled up ball of string that I am desperately fighting to unravel. My body is not even included within my limited bubble of awareness. My vision is narrowed to the point that I am high strung and stressed out as heck. 

I catch myself. I stop. Despite the thought that I need to move at this pace to get everything done, I choose to slow down. 

I begin to purposely type at a pace that is so much slower than necessary. I move from one key to the next with no rush. My mind seems to become my friend again. My body immediately lets out a deep exhale. I feel all of me fall into a pool of calm. My vision seems to expand, I seem to be able to see more now, and my article and I become co-creators.

I’m not even exaggerating. That is seriously how it feels. Try it now. Stop what you are doing and deliberately read this article one word at a time. Like this: One……...word……...at……...a……...time. Keep doing it.

Literally everytime I stop and make this shift, my body automatically lets out a big deep breath. Like it’s been holding on so hard and I finally gave it the space to let go. As I keep it up, keeping all my actions slow, the other benefits begin to show up. Pleasant emotions. Calmer perspective. My train of thought becomes more of an enjoyable bike ride of thought. Ooh yes. Sign me up.

My days were never really calm simply because I had nothing to do, they were calm because I was not in such a damn rush to do what I was doing. My mind tricked itself into believing that since we had goals to achieve again, we had to go back to being in a rush. I was acting under the false belief that “I have to act fast to get everything done. I will be more productive if I rush through everything.” 

But that’s simply not true. Not in the way you think it is. You can still have plans and goals and things to do, and still be calm. Still take your time. 

In fact, You should go slow if you have things to get done. Because the things will get done so much better. This quote from Bringers of Dawn lays it out very nicely: “Don’t deny the virtues of the turtle who moves very slowly, stops to go inside and contemplate, is close to the ground, and sees very well.”

The ground = The thing that you are doing. Reading an article, cooking dinner, sweeping the floor.

By slowing down, you can really get into what you are doing. This is where the FLOW exists. This is where you can start “seeing very well”. And if you’re seeing well->you are more present->you are working better.

Daniel Coyle talks about a similar idea in his book the Talent Code. He refers to it as ‘deep practice’. He talks of Meadowmount music school in New York, whose teachers tell their practicing students, of their cello and violin playing, “If a passerby can recognize the song being played, it’s not being practiced correctly.” When the students practice at a pace that slow, they can fully take in every minor detail of what they are learning. Similarly, it is in that slow state that we can fully experience what we are doing. We can take in the information, adjust what we’re putting out, and still stay mentally sane. I’m convinced that it will take you the same amount of time to complete the task at hand, if not less. It sure as hell will make it more pleasurable. 

Some people may call it mindfulness. I call it slowing down. Slowing down physically, by deliberately making slower physical movements. Slowing down mentally, by deliberately reading very slowly, thinking very slowly, feeling very slowly.

I dare you to try it. For me, it’s a go-to trick for when I’m beginning to feel overworked. I shift my speed, slow down my thoughts and movements, and I come to the end of the day with a list full of checked boxes and a heart and mind full of contentment. Slowing down is a game changer. 

Let me know what you think and how it goes in the comments. I love hearing from my readers and interacting with them.

[beingdaniellarebecca]

Energy Tools to be Productive and Feel Good in the Process

I can’t deny my deep love for all things spirituality, from energy tricks to self love hacks. If there is another thing I love, it’s GETTING THINGS DONE. Moving from thought to form. But sometimes sitting down and getting the work done is just damn hard. And I know that for me, pushing myself to accomplish and achieve can feel not-so-self-loving. Something I’ve learned is that I can merge my two loves by inviting spirit into my productivity routine, and create a totally new vibe of not just getting shit done, but a feeling of actually doing the work that is manifesting my deepest truest self unto this temporary physical realm. (To put it lightly.)

I’ve uncovered and collected a few simple tools that help get me into this much more holistic state. (Note: I’ve used terms like work/task interchangebly, and that includes practice or creation. These tools can benefit you in anything you want to get done while being your best self in the process, whether it be babysitting a bunch of kids, checking a load of emails, practicing your instrument…) Here are my top three:

Grounding yourself (and your tool)

Grounding via visualization is a tool I learned in the utterly fantastic energy course by Jeffrey Allen, Duality.

In my opinion, there are a lot of ways to do this exercise. Here is my version:

Imagine a ball of energy in your body. It could be your root chakra, at the base of your spine, or perhaps a more central ball of life energy in your torso or chest.

See a large, thick grounding cord connecting that ball of energy to the earth. See that strong cord going deep into the ground, centering and stabilizing you.

Do the same thing for your tool or project.

Doing this type of exercise brings you back into your body- and when you’re present in your body, that’s when you are doing your best work. It also returns you to the moment- another awesome place where stuff magically gets done.

When I am sitting down to practice piano, I ground myself first thing. I also visualize a grounding cord connecting my piano to the earth. Some might consider that as an added bonus, but for me it proves to be an essential part of my mini meditation.

Some variations and extra tips:

I like to imagine the cord as golden or white. I actually like to imagine a strong collection of intertwined cords, like vines!

Instead of imagining a cord, imagine a waterfall or a tree trunk connecting you and the earth.

Instead of imagining a cord, imagine earth energy coming up into your feet to fill your body and connect you to the earth.

You can ground anything, whether it be your website or a lecture hall or a laptop. If you’re confused, just imagine the [fill in the blank] encompassed by a sphere, and ground that sphere.

Auras

Another interesting energy tool is your aura, for yourself and for your workspace:

Imagine a bubble of energy that encompasses your body. (AKA your aura)

Then, imagine another aura around your personal aura large enough to include your work tool/work station- your instrument, desk+laptop, etc.

The idea is to connect you energetically with your work tool. This gets you more into the focused mindset, and deepens your relationship with the tools that serve you in your project.

I’ve experimented with just expanding my personal aura to include my piano, but I found that it didn’t feel right- I’m not my piano- and “piano” is not part of my identity. So I just decided to create a second aura that can keep us connected. That’s the cool thing about energy. There aren’t any rules. You can make it up and do what feels fun for you.

Visualizing the Outcome

This is a good one. I’m a big fan.

As you prepare to do your task, close your eyes and visualize yourself in the future, after the task is completed and behind you.

Imagine how it feels to have finished this project. Notice what you feel: Relief? Excitement? Contentment? Pride?

Lean into that feeling. Smile. Spend a few moments in pre-celebration.

Pre-celebration is something I’ve heard Ken Honda, Zen Millionaire, speak about. I find pre-celebration super fun, and it increases my completion rate. I don’t remember many times where I did this little visualization and didn’t complete the task, not to mention while feeling a lot more deliberate and purposeful in the process.

It’s important with visualizing exercises to really use your senses (in your mind) to experience what you are visualizing. See that article on your screen that you just finished writing. Feel your fingers on the piano keys as you smoothly play through that Bach piece. Make the experience as real as possible, as if it were really happening now. What the mind can conceive, you can achieve.

Even more important and effective is to focus on the positive feelings that you will experience. Excitement! Celebration! I like to celebrate the tiniest of achievements. (I brushed my teeth! Woohooooo!) Like attracts like- feel that goodness and expect to feel it again later when you see your achievement in real life.

A New Habit

I am sending you out into the big busy world with these three tips. Believe it or not, but I used all three of these tools to help me in writing this-here-article. Pick one and try it out next time you have to get into a focused work mindset. Experiment with your own variations, and trust what feels good. And let me know how it goes.

Article written by Daniella Goldfine

[beingdaniellarebecca]

How to Unwind Your Overthinking (Using the Work by Byron Katie)

From peaceful to stressful because of a thought

This morning, I had a plan. I was gonna go outside and write a damn article. There I was, computer set up and the sun out and ready to nourish my body and soul as I write. I just had to eat some breakfast first. No biggy, I’ll just make some quick oatmeal! I do it all the time.

So there I was, in the kitchen. Suddenly I remembered the cucumbers in the fridge that were gonna go bad if I didn’t eat them today. Then I remembered that maybe I should eat protein for breakfast. I opened the fridge and looked at the unopened block of tofu. I looked at the wrinkling cucumbers. I thought about my oatmeal dream, and my waiting computer. I felt my heart drop and my mind start to run in stressful circles. Overthinking has entered the room.

For a painful 2 minutes that felt like an eternity, I stood taking stuff out of the fridge and then putting it back in, then taking it out again. All done in the sorrowful miserable energy of someone who just so badly wants to get it all right. Who just wants to get breakfast right, and every other damn thing that follows. Sigh. Can’t life just be simple? Apparently not, at least, not when you’re in a race to get it all right.

In the stressful minutes that followed I stood there making tofu scramble, which is not as quick as oatmeal, but would’ve gone by more quickly and pleasurably if I had just allowed myself to stand there and do it. But the whole ordeal was done within a bubble of stress.

Fast forward half an hour. I am sat here, and I am indeed writing an article, just as intended. So why do I still feel defeated? Could I have gone through the tasks with less stress? Let’s explore it together.

Using the Work on disempowering thoughts

The Work is a popular method of Inquiry introduced by Byron Katie, in her book Loving What Is. In the Work, you choose a thought and then hold it up against four questions, instead of just taking it for granted as fact. Byron Katie teaches that all suffering and negative feelings come from believing our own thoughts. The Work is an antidote for that. Join me as I use the Work to bring relief to my stressful morning. I recommend you do it with me if you have a similar thought, or choose a new thought and follow my outline!

Identifying the thought

I begin by identifying my stressful thought. Here are a couple of options that come to mind when I tune in to see what thoughts are going through my head right now, associated with this stress:

I can’t be trusted to do anything right.

I never do anything right.

I always get distracted and cannot stay on track. It’s horrible.

Okay, so we have a few fine thoughts here. Which one of them brings up the most intense emotional charge for me?

I can’t be trusted to do anything right.

The four questions

Enter the four questions. Let’s jump right in.

You can’t be trusted to do anything right. Is that true? Yes. I always muck everything up. Every plan I have. I never stay on track.

You can’t be trusted to do anything right. Can you be absolutely sure that that is true? No. It’s not true.

How do you react when you believe that thought? Oh god, I feel miserable. Whatever I am doing, I cannot do fully. I just feel so much guilt and shame. The guilt and shame are immense. I can’t focus on anything that I’m doing. My stomach churns and feels like the physiological equivalent of the statement “Life is not worth living.”

Does this thought bring stress or peace into your life? When you are about to make a decision about what to do, does this thought make the experience stressful or peaceful? Hm…I am standing at the fridge, making the decisions, and I have that thought…I feel a drop in my stomach. Major stress. Major major stress.

Can you think of one stress-free reason to hold on to that thought? Hm…no.

4. You are standing next to the stovetop, making the tofu scramble. You don’t have the thought that you can’t be trusted to do anything right. Who are you without that thought? I’m just standing making tofu. I’m enjoying the music I put on, I’m getting into it. I wanna get to article writing, so I finish quick and stay focused. My goal of article writing soon is still very clear in my mind, I am just as set on it, and it’s plain and simple. I know I will get to it. I trust myself, what I make for breakfast is not really a big deal.

Turnarounds

Turnaround- Turn the thought around and write (at least) 3 examples or proofs of this being true.

I can be trusted to do things right.

I made the tofu scramble, got my protein in and ate a cucumber, and I am sitting here totally writing an article. All of that mess was just thought, and even with that mess, I still am playing out my plan. The tofu saga wasn’t really a saga, it was only a saga in my mind.

I wrote an article in 2 hours yesterday, just like I planned.

Yesterday I checked off all the things on my to-do list.

Another way to use turnarounds is to replace “I” with “My thinking”:

My thinking can’t be trusted to do things right.

My thinking was totally convinced that I was making a massive day-ruining decision by altering my breakfast plans. My thinking was obviously wrong, and simply not to be trusted, because I changed my breakfast plan and still easily came to write an article. (Which I am close to finishing)

When I trust my thinking, and its thoughts of self doubt, then it leads me to the places I don’t want to go. Which is why I simply don’t need to trust it. Thinking is just thinking, it’s fickle and impermanent and simply not a good thing to be leaning on. Thoughts are only thoughts, they aren’t real. They are mini energies coming and going rapidly.

I always feel good when I remember that my thinking is just thinking, and that I don’t need to trust it. I always feel good.

There are other ways to turn the sentence around, such as “I can’t be trusted to do anything wrong.”

Conclusion

Sometimes we purposely hold on to a thought that weakens us, falsely believing that the thought is actually helping us. When you do the work, you see that this is the most least true thought of all, and that by building ourselves up mentally can we more successfully build ourselves up physically. I love doing the work. Did you do it with me? Did you apply your own thought? Let me know in the comments.

Byron Katie has given us a real gift by introducing her method to us. Pick up her book here or check out her free resources on her website by clicking on “downloads” in the top right corner.

Article written by Daniella Goldfine