blogologues

[blogologues]

WE’RE SOLD OUT! Alli and Jen perform “Bronies Who Want To Hug Ponies Both Sexually and Non-Sexually” ONE LAST TIME FOR THE WHOLE SUMMER tomorrow night. Fall dates coming soon to blogologues.org. Scroll to bottom to join our mailing list. <3

[blogologues]

Wanna have as much fun as these people TONIGHT?

Blogologues Saturday, May 14 9:30 PM The PIT (123 E. 24th Street) $15 tix here.

[blogologues]

We’re the #2 thing to do in NYC this weekend, says Time Out New York. We’ve never been so excited to be second best.

Shows: 

May 13 & 14 @ 9:30 PM June 3 @ 8 PM $15 // The PIT (123 E. 24th Street) Tickets here.

[blogologues]

Tinder: The Best and Worst Pick-Up Lines

You can’t win them all, but sometimes you can. Here is a compilation of Tinder users who hit the ball out of the park, and others who need to go back for some training. This is starting to sound like a cool game of Tinder baseball...Tinderball?

Winner: Smooth sailing.

Winner: A clever way to ask, “Can I have your number?”

Winner: Sometimes it takes some name personalization to pull through for the “W.”

Winner: Practice makes perfect, right?

Winner: Corny pick-up lines still do work. *awe* 

(See us perform this!)

Winner: Sometimes they do like a straight forward approach. Hey, it worked!

Loser: You tell him, girl!

Loser: Please show his mother this. *sigh*

Loser: Well, this escalated quickly.

(See us perform this!)

Loser: This isn’t creepy at all.

Loser: There’s definitely a reason this did not receive an answer.

(See us perform this!)

Loser: Straight shut down.

We can’t wait to see what other crazy Tinder messages pop up for us to perform. Have any we should know about? We’d love for you to slide into our DMs. ;)

[blogologues]

Hamilton was on the cover of Backstage - but WE WERE ON THE INSIDE!

Link to the online version available here.

[blogologues]

90′s Technology Yearbook: Superlatives

You know how much we love the Internet. You know what else we love? The 90′s sentiment that is so apparent in pop culture right now. The 1990′s saw a class of huge technological advancements that helped bring about the wonderful tech and Internet stuff we cherish today. We want to celebrate the graduates of the 90′s and our love for internety things by throwing it back to some of the most rad technology of the time.

1. Most Likely to be Forgotten, but Still Used: Beepers

AKA “pagers” and “buzzers.” These were the best way to send and receive messages and voice messages. In 2001, Motorola announced the end of the manufacturing of these kick-ass tools, ending an era. Good thing we have smart phones now!

2. Most Likely to be on a Reality T.V. Show: iMac

Originally released in 1998 to the low-end consumer market, the iMAC was designed with the Internet in mind and with the coolest look. I can't help but feel thankful for my slim Mac lap top I am currently typing on...

3. Most likely to win “American Idol”: HitClips

These were the best way to listen to one-minute clips of pop songs. I don't think there was a second I wasn't listening to “Lucky” by Britney Spears.

4. Most Likely to get the Party Started: Discman

Okay, sometimes listening to the same one-minute clip of a song could get boring. That’s what the Discman was for! First introduced in 1984, every single kid with an album had one of these portable CD players. 

5. Most Talkative: AOL Instant Messenger (Aim)

Although it was not the first instant messaging technology, it was definitely the most impactful. This made communicating sooo much easier with icons, availability settings and a Buddy List. Definitely a gr8 invention of the time, & still used 2day. 

6. MVP: Game Boy

The first hugely successful portable gaming device. Originally released in 1989, the 1996 version was smaller and more lightweight. This was before Game Boy Color and all the other fancy features to which people became accustomed. Definitely picking this over Candy Crush. 

7. Most Likely to get Mistaken for an East-West Emigrant Trail: The Oregon Trail

A game that lets you adventure to the wild, wild west! I totally saw someone playing this yesterday (good choice, mate). 

8. Most Likely to be an Addiction: Tamagotchi

The first form of responsibility many kids took on in the late 90′s. R.I.P. to all the forgotten pets.

9. Most Likely to Remind You of Past Mistakes: Disposable Cameras

One of my favorite things was going to the store to get my photos developed, although the waiting part was not as fun. 

10. Class Theater Freak: Video Home System (VHS)

They got scratched and wouldn't skip, they remembered where they left off and they didn't play the home menu over and over and over again. Only if they knew their time was coming to a close...

Thanks for all the memories, technology of the 1990′s. 

[blogologues]

Too many chilly nights of making out with your glass of whiskey and humping your pillow? You can always get a winter boyfriend. 

[blogologues]

An Open Letter to the Internet from a Blogologues Intern

Dear Internet:

I feel like I have known you my whole life. I grew up playing games on you, using you for music and researching valuable information on you (Who wouldn't want to look up hilarious pick-up lines on Tinder?). You also helped me connect with people socially through all the wonderful forms of social media to which you have allowed me to become addicted. For all of that and more I can't think of, I want to say, “Thank you.”

I am beyond appreciative of all the information you hold for the world to discover. But let’s cut to the chase—most importantly, you have given Blogologues the opportunity to become what it is today. Do you think we could perform internet shit without you? Nah, man.

INTERNET—you are BAD ASS. You hold all this knowledge like it’s a ball pit waiting for little kids to jump into it and explore. That’s what you are to me. A giant pit of colorful balls. And it’s beautiful.

I jump through your layers to find the sickest stuff there is. Do you know how funny you are?? You should see some of the s$!t people post. A person looking to ranch cats for their fur as if they’re sheep, a dude who wants us to graze at his grazing hamster—you can’t make this stuff up. All of this is comedy gold, and without you, I would have no access to any of it.

People give you such a bad reputation, saying we depend on you too much. But, Internet, you have allowed so many people to do things they never thought were possible, such as writing eloquent poetry about a broken hot tub, or donating a heart-shaped potato right in time for Valentine’s Day. Don’t let those haters get you down!

Without you, people, including myself, would not have found amazing opportunities for themselves. Without Blogologues, the world would be less entertaining. Without Blogologues, I would probably have some boring job  counting ceiling tiles. Because of you, I get to find the most outrageous things you have hiding in your farthest corners while sitting in a NYC skyscraper not counting ceiling tiles (there are none!). Speaking of outrageous, did you hear about that guy about to quit his job?

Internet, you keep doing you. You have helped so many people with a range of things, whether it is with work, entertainment, research or posting random stuff that doesn’t really make sense, like someone who would willingly buy a “divorce couch.”

If you were a person IRL, I bet you would be as cool as you are now. You rock, Internet.

[blogologues]

Blogologues is Taking Over Fridays

We are saying, “T.G.I.F” the first Friday of every month. (The other Fridays can go fuck themselves.) Why? Because Blogologues is coming to you the first Friday of the month through June at The PIT!!! GRAB THOSE TICKETS NOW BEFORE THEY’RE GONE, GRL.

So, what kinds of shenanigans are we up to now? First, we will take you into the deepest areas of Craigslist, where you’ll find out that a lot more is happening on the MTA than you think. From there, we may stop and congratulate an expecting father. #mpreg Get your pens and notepads ready, because we also have some fantastic dating tips for you. (Hint: hold her hands, both of them). We also have the best of the best advice for sugar babies #GIMMEDATCASH. Lastly, we may train you to become a pro mixologist.

But actually, the truth is that we’ll be changing up our sketches EVERY MONTH. So you can come back every time, y’all, and see NEW INTERNETTY SHENANIGANS. We can’t contain our excitement either. Every first Friday of the month is going to be a party at the PIT (join us for drinks after the show) and we hope to see you there!

TICKETS HERE, FRIEND FRIES.

[blogologues]

“So I bought my ticket to the Hallo.WWW.een Bizarre,

But what in the world am I going to wear to this wild and crazy Internet extravaganza?!?”

If this thought has been keeping you up at night, look no further! The Blogologues team has scoured the Internet for the coolest Internet-themed costumes and we’re sharing them with you.

1. The Office Assistant 

If you're interested in kicking it old school and throwing it back to Windows ‘98, this Office Assistant costume is the perfect look for you. 

2. Censored Girl (Or Boy!)

The great rapper Eminem once said, “"The FCC won't let me be.” If you share this sentiment and want to shake your pixelated butt, you'll certainly be making a statement in this look. 

3. YouTube Makeout Sesh

It's not New Year’s Eve, but who says you can't kiss someone at midnight? The ladies (and/or gents!) will be all over this clever cardboard cutout. 

4. Ermahgerd Girl

Break out your old Goosebumps collection and channel your inner awkward preteen in this look. You'll have everyone saying OMG (or Ermahgerd!).

5. Tinder Profile 

Are you searching for your Tinderella IRL to avoid getting Catfished? We like you. You're smart. Now hopefully she doesn't swipe left.  

6. Sharknado

Okay so it's not directly Internet-themed (and it’s admittedly a laughably bad movie), but we couldn't resist this Sharknado costume. Sue us.

7. The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge 

How much did you love justifying making fun of all your friends’ high-pitched screams for the sake of charity when this challenge went viral? 

8. Snapchat Rainbow Mouth

We don't know why these new Snapchat filters are so addictive, but they totally are. We loved this creative take on the Rainbow Mouth filter. If you attempt this look, we will most likely want to selfie with you. 

9. “Break the Internet” 

A broken Internet sounds like our nightmare, but we love this Kim K costume anyway. Our only suggestion is that you use real champagne. 

10. The Doge Meme

I'm assuming that if you're reading this, you are a human and therefore unable to rock this look. We just couldn't help ourselves. 

So there you have it! Ten Halloween looks that pay homage to our beloved friend, the Internet. Do you want to know what Jen and Alli plan to be for Halloween? You’ll have to attend the Hallo.WWW.een Bizarre to find out! 

Tickets @ blogologues.org/hallowwween 

[blogologues]

I guess you could say we’re a little excited

It was seemingly a morning like any other, but after grabbing a cup of coffee (or five!) and settling down at our desks, the Blogologues team had a beautiful revelation...

We’re featured in Time Out New York!!!

In case you didn’t get the chance to see the article yourself, here it is in all its glory:

If you’re interested in checking out SketchFest, be sure to purchase your tickets here!

Keep on keeping’ on, Blogologues fans. 

[blogologues]

We <3 seeing Jen, Alli, & Davram get giffed.

Sexting in real life is as awkward as it sounds. [Watch the video]

[blogologues]

The Secret is Out: 2 Girls 1 Show Crowdfunding Campaign is here!

We’ve been working on a brand new, kick-ass project called “2 Girls 1 Show” that will give you an exclusive look at what goes on behind the scenes at Blogologues. Co-creators Alli and Jen will be exploring various Internet phenomena by researching them IRL. You’ll get to see ridiculous interviews with experts on subjects from bronies, to sugar babies, to mpreggers!

We need YOU to make this project a reality! We’ve launched an Indiegogo campaign and we’re asking for your donations to get 2 Girls 1 Show launched ASAP. Any funds you can spare will go towards insurance, crew, equipment, props, wardrobe, and other necessities. Thank you for your continued support, you amazing, beautiful Blogo-fans!

[blogologues]

The Signs As Beautiful Things In Space

Aries: Supernova / They are the wild and explosive

Taurus: Planet / They are the strong hearts

Gemini: Binary Star / They are the unique and fascinating

Cancer: Dwarf Star / They are the radiating souls

Leo: Pulsar / They are the beating lights

Virgo: Constellation / They are the connected and detailed

Libra: Galaxy / They are the bright and beautiful

Scorpio: Black Hole / They are the deep and intense

Sagittarius: Comet / They are the fast-moving and adventurous

Capricorn: Asteroid / They are the lone travelers

Aquarius: Nebula / They are the colorful spirits

Pisces: Moon / They are mysterious minds

[blogologues]

We’re in Time Out New York and Village Voice!!!

Check us out this Friday and Saturday at 9:30 at The Pit (123 E 24th St) to catch the funniest/weirdest stuff on the internet! GET YOUR TICKETS HERE!!!!!

[blogologues]

BEST OF BLOGOLOGUES

All of your favorite Blogologues sketches? 

Back-to-back in one amazing show?!

COMING TO THE PIT STARTING MAY 8th!! Tickets at http://blogologues.org/tickets/

[blogologues]

Oh hai our final 2 shows are this weekend!

Still not convinced? CHECK OUT THIS AWESOME REVIEW!

Now buy your tix. Now.