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To be honest that was fucking disrespectful, Cas has NOTHING be redeemed for, these two denim wrapped Winchester disasters are just as much guilty as him. 

Man I’m so mad

Yeah, pretty much.

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Well, I think the way they closed Mary’s story is exactly why I believe in endgame Destiel more than ever before. 

I totally agree with both of you that TPTB knew the show’s going to end very soon at least since shooting ep 300 and therefore picked up the pace, because they want to cut as many loose ends as possible. 

The way they put Mary in the arms of John Winchester, once again showing their “everlasting love” is exactly why I think they’re actually going to textualize Destiel, because the general audience still thinks of them as of an example of perfect love and marriage, the love that never dies etcetera. You know, and I know, and everyone who’s not GA knows it’s a pile of horse shit and what Mary feels is probably just sentiment, but remember - GA does not pick up on such “small details”. Which is why they probably didn’t pick up op Mary x Bobby and them mirroring Deancas either. If TPTB have to pick up the space to be sure they cut all lose ends, close all plots and actually deliver endgame Destiel, they don’t have the time focus on Mary x Bobby to make GA stop and think “oh woah wait a minute it does look familiar doesn’t it?”. They have to use the already established relationships they have now to prepare them for the love bomb. And the only relationship they have is Mary x John... and subtextual Samwitch and Deancas. I mean, GA is only going to start comparing these, because that’s what they see right now.

14x17 told us that Mary Winchester is at peace and is complete, because she’s in Heaven and with her husband, whom she (obviously, in GA’s eyes) loves beyond the whole universe. She’s also complete now because she apparently left the boys in a better state than she found them, she saw them changing and developing, and is at peace now, because she knows they will carry on from now on. It’s rushed, it’s clumsy, it’s unjust and a bit annoying, but it’s what they had to do knowing they only have 22 episodes left and a massive queer relationship to textualize. It’s supposed to make GA stop and think what would make Sam and Dean complete, and obviously the answer is “love”. They don’t have the time to introduce any new love interests for Sam and Dean, and GA is only about to realize it. 

Again: remember, GA mostly think Mary x John is a perfect couple who had their problems, but they still loved each other and their love won against all odds. Dabb & Co. just took GA’s general blindness (and a bit of ignorance, too) to force them into comparing Mary’s and John’s relationship to Deancas and draw their own conclusions. John and Mary fought, but loved each other and Mary could only be happy if she was with John, the love of her life. It’s the only way she could be at peace. Dean and Cas are now fighting. Dean compared himself to Mary in the very same episode. Even GA is not dumb enough to not pick up on that. 

And I know it doesn’t seem to make any sense to us, because we know more about Mary and John. We know (and remember) more about their relationship, but Saz said it herself - general audience DOES NOT remember this. They were just bombarded with 14x13 and strong Mary x John vibes and their supposed strong, never-ending love. They don’t remember anything else. 

And Dean still doesn’t know about the deal. It’s not like Cas is dancing in the flower fields and is otherwise overwhelmed with happiness, so it’s not going to collect him anytime soon, but I do believe they brought Dumah back this episode to remind us about the Empty and the deal. It’s there, it’s coming. 

Shit’s about to go down and Dean still being pissed at Cas for something he shouldn’t really be pissed about - what if the Empty takes Cas after Dean realizes his stupidity, but before he gets to apologize? It’s a classic romantic movie trope! What if Cas goes with the Empty willingly, thinking “there’s nothing for him here”? Think about the juicy, juicy angst. We can’t have that if they won’t stir the pot a bit. And they can’t stir the pot and make us fear for our lives if Jensen keeps making heart eyes at Misha. 

Also, remember Misha said it’s one of the most epic finals in SPN ever. He doesn’t usually say such things and I strongly believe in him. 

Some honest thoughts...

As many of you know, I have tried to remain very positive lately about the show and the current direction. I have always tried to speak my mind and not mislead my followers especially regarding a topic that we are all so very passionate about. This is why I want to write down some things that have played on my mind lately. 

Long post under the cut

Keep reading

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I think the apologize will come later, Dean needs to heal first. Sam stopping Cas was - in my opinion - a metaphor for this. It’s the “not yet, later” visualized. 

At least I hope so

This may come as a surprise but Dean admitting that he was partially to blame while only Sam is in the room is not the same as apologizing to Cas. 

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Not a Mary stan, but this... is beautiful and beyond cute. 

samsmithgrams: “Living in Mary Winchester has been the adventure of a lifetime. I’ve loved every second with every fiber of my being, and adore every person I had the honor to stand alongside more than they’ll ever know. Thank you for the privilege to have been, and hopefully to remain, a member of the #SPNFamily, a gift in itself beyond measure. And can I say, what a sendoff?! Just…thank you. All my love. 🔥 #MaryOut #SheWillBeWatchingFromAbove @cw_supernatural @jensenackles @jaredpadalecki @alex8calvert @misha @nlopezcorrado #Supernatural #LastRideDiscoElevator”

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Also this argument is so fucking stupid, like if I was never alive then why would I care? 

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One gif is not like the others 

John / Kevin / Charlie / Cas / Mary

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Deancas in 14x19: 

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I think Mary’s death will also open Dean’s eyes regarding his relationship with Cas, because he keeps calling Cas his brother/his family and it would be logical if Cas was mourning the death of a mother figure (I mean in the same manner as him) as well - because, following Dean’s logic, it’s who Mary was supposed to be to him, if Cas was “like a brother to him”. Except Mary never was a mother to Cas, she was his friend. Cas grieves Mary differently than he grieved Jack, whom he considers his son, his family - and don’t get me wrong, I’m sure he loved Mary, but she just wasn’t *that* important like his kid, husband and brother-in-law. He was much more determined to bring Jack back at all costs and to save Dean from Michael. Sure, he is sad and will need time to heal after losing Mary, but again, he’s grieving the loss of a friend, whereas Sam and Dean grieve their mother. It’s something different and I think it will get Dean thinking about it. 

Of course Dean is not an idiot and he knows what he feels about Cas, it’s not like he can’t tell the difference by himself, but he’s in denial and that difference is something Sam will notice too. He also doesn’t know if Cas feels the same about him, but maybe the difference in their relationships with Mary will get him thinking, you know? 

I’m sorry and I’m not very good at verbalizing things today, I’m a bit ill, I hope my rambling makes at least a little bit sense. 

Also I am probably the only one who didn’t like these flashbacks - or rather, who wishes these flashbacks were shown long before her death, so I could understand her character better, instead of squeezing them in last minute, but there’s also the possibility that I’m just really dumb :P 

14x18 First Watch Thoughts: Mary Winchester the Mirror, TFW and Destiel

**FLAILS**

My thoughts are practically incoherent because I’m having BIG FEELS right now…VERY big feels re: TFW/Destiel narratives.

I am SUPER glad Berens was the one who penned Mary’s death!! The episode was just well-done all around from start to finish and intensely executed, with the proper solid balance of angst, emotional insight from the characters placed inside Mary’s cathartic contextual role, and the consistent reiteration of Mary as TFW’s overall Parental Catharsis in 14x18′s storytelling (and S12-14′s whole parental premise in conjunction with John Winchester’s ghost). 

Mary was portrayed as the singular contrasting foil to TFW’s individual and combined arcs. Absence was, obviously, a core theme, with Mary’s absence – her death – playing out as A. familial purpose (accountability and her death as the impetus to work together –> forgive each other, forgive yourself), B. self-purpose (self-realization via Jack: what did I do? Why did I do it? Why do we do things?), and C. romantic purpose on the Dean/Cas front. 

Let me explain C. – well, WE BEEN KNEW. The metasphere wrote about this (my post x).

x

Dean was HEAVILY subtextually framed as the angry spouse undergoing a rough patch with Cas over Mary’s death  (the tension, juxtaposed by sad orchestral strings and soft lighting, Dean lashing out at Cas, romantic framing via Dean’s back turned to Cas, their interactions holding frustration yet still underpinned by certain tenderness etc *sighhhhh*) and Dean continuing down the route of giving Cas, not Sam, frosty shoulders – emphasized by the romantic framing of space between them e.g. Sam preventing Cas from comforting Dean during Mary’s funeral, backs again facing each other, Dean and Cas interacting sparsely, Dean bitter and disengaged, Cas longing for forgiveness from Dean, Sam as the overt brother caught in the middle as he embodies the role of mediator and stable thinker for both of them etc – just strengthens my belief that Destiel is going to experience another (hopefully) intense romance-coded confrontation as intense as the one they had in the cabin – one that leads up to a lover’s make-up which has Cas happy enough to be taken by the Empty (remember, DEAN STILL DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT CAS’ DEAL. Cas’ life to save his son’s life, harking back to Dean’s own fatherly self-sacrificial deal by saying Yes to Michael. He is utterly unaware that he’ll lose Cas) and it’s a double punch here, because Dean will realize how stupid he is for not appreciating Cas – more accurately, trying to be mutually transparent and honest with him (he has, though, and he’s made leaps and bounds) before it’s too late but failing (final regression before progression). He does appreciate Cas, and Cas means more to him than anyone could ever describe *points at his Mind!Bar 14x10* yet their love languages still don’t align. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN, DEAN! 14x19 is written by BL so I additionally hope the D/C subtext from this point onwards works in our favour!!

As I said in above and in my liveblog posts, a summary: 

The differences in Dean’s grieving are a COMPLETE visual comparison to 12x23, complete with overhead 📸 shots and differing funeral pyre scenes: when he grieved over Cas, he was alone, kneeling on the ground, and was blatantly numb/emotionally incapacitated – Dean mourned the loss of his lover. When he’s grieving Mary, Sam is by his side. Brothers mourning the loss of their mother. Romantic vs familial.

Overt romance-coded parallels with Sam/Rowena keeping constant contact just like Dean/Cas do both offscreen and onscreen

Sam telling Dean IT WASN’T JUST CAS and his own emotional pull in this ep as expressing accountability for TFW’s actions in general – besides internalizing/talking about the self-guilt, shame, and the inevitable pain of losing people despite saving people (also re: the 🔑 theme of doing the wrong, stupid thing for the right reasons) – was character development on a marvelous scale. Honest, open words, and Dean and Cas should learn from him!!

 Cas was absolutely humanized, subsuming the Winchester Way of Bringing Family Back, and he additionally evoked honesty/an emotional justification while admitting his mistakes and again representing FAITH: faith in Jack narratively linked to FAITH IN HIMSELF and the season-long theme of believing there’s another way – in believing that good things shall come…that, as he appropriately told Anael last episode – loneliness is a construct misconstrued by her; not being in one’s physical presence doesn’t mean they aren’t there – they are there. They are there for you. Narrative symmetry with 14x17′s presence of emotional acknowledgement despite physical absence re: God (and TFW; just because Cas wasn’t with the Winchesters did not mean he loved them any less) vs 14x18′s absence of full-frontal communication despite physical presence re: Dean and Cas/TFW (being physically present also entails being emotionally present through HONESTY). Berens interlinked the subtext. Negative spaces are being filled. And there’s also an Evil/dark dimension added to this Presence vs Absence commentary: Lucifer’s a visage in Jack’s mind, just like Sam. Jack’s soullessness has come to a psychological crux. He’s teeter-tottering – tried desperately to bring Mary back, and now he might have fucked up with the natural order (if BTS pics of zombies in 14x20 is linked to this).  Furthermore:

(*clutches chest* There’s the heartbreaking spousal-coded visual narrative.)

Oh, Cas…Jack is BOTH good and evil. This is the intrinsic dualism of human nature. It’s what makes Jack human. And goodness involves badness. 

CAS: [Jack] was good for us. Indeed, we know he was. The unhealthily-codependent-abusive notion of family TFW used to possess (where their overarching parental issues – Chuck’s absence, John’s abuse and Mary’s absence – crippled their early formative growth, extending into decades) was deconstructed and rebuilt in healthier ways. Being a parent to Jack offset their true capabilities/qualities: FAITH (Cas), HOPE (Sam), and LOVE (Dean), alongside all the stickiness that came with his birth. By direct association, Cas learned how to believe in himself. Sam learned how to hope in himself. Dean learned how to love himself. Mental/emotional release from their internal chains took place.  In other words, Jack the Unifying TFW Mirror – like Mary – was the great interpersonal conduit for (a Jesus-representation, if you will) of honesty, appreciation (spending time with your loved ones), positive vs negative self-process, and self-awareness. Keep in mind that Jack has characteristically taken the place of Dean, Cas and Sam’s own dark arcs (Soulless!Sam, in particular) with what looks like a Godstiel mirror in 14x19 – he’s literally becoming textualized as TFW’s mirror – and, like his parents, he is going make his independent (wayward) choices and question the primacy of human nature: good, evil, and the grey in-between. Will he listen to his head or his heart?  Most of all, the life of a hunting family is filled with pain, horror, and death, but genuine purpose lies beyond in that the lives they live are also innumerably interlinked with joy and happiness. These positive things aren’t as sparse as they think: they have each other.

Mary Winchester is ⚰️ and resides in Heaven (her death successfully made me emotional and packed a deep personal punch; the black and white flashbacks interspersed throughout 14x18 relative to Mary’s influence on TFW was A++). She disappeared right when TFW’s arcs came together to display character progression. Her purpose – pushing TFW to engage in self-introspection, personal growth, and honesty with the Self and others – is done.

Mary, the Cas mirror, carved M.W. into the table with S.W and D.W. You know who should be next, right? CASTIEL W. (and Jack W.) (recall that in 14x17, Mary relayed to Dean that she treasured and enjoyed her time with him and Sam – channeling Cas’ 14x12 farewell speech. Mary has always embodied LOVE, both romantic and familial, with the great virtue of honesty, and Dean, by proxy, has been telling his family he loves them. Again, who is the next family member he’ll say I LOVE YOU to? What do Dean and Cas WANT? Time to answer this question!!)

WE HAVE COME FULL CIRCLE. Narrative cyclism, y’all. Mary and John Winchester are finally at ✌️, and by so doing, TFW will experience emotional/personal/psychological ✌️ as they leave their past behind to create their own optimistic self-actualized future. THERE’LL BE GENUINE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE.

TFW MUST TALK

I mean, I’ll probably reblog this with new thoughts during the next few days, but yes, ENDGAME’S UPON US, and all the extensive meta regarding Dabb Era Love and…Love, Unity, Family, Honesty, the centrality of interpersonal relationships and Reconciliation of the Past & Future since Season New Beginnings 12/13 over Season Who Am I 14 should be realized in the final two ANGST-filled eps. TL;DR a gigantic multilayered soup of character-positive/relationship growth-positive meta coming to fruition for the main plot.

Berens has killed us all. 14x18 is one of my favourite Emotion-centric episodes yet!

RATING: 10/10

Thank you for reading my sloppier-than-usual word-vomit!

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Not to be dramatic, but Cas face is the face I make when I fight with my husband and am angry at him and know he’s angry at me too, but then I look at him at see him hurting and want to put my pride away to go and hug him, hold his hand and talk. 

14x18//Absence

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SPN 14x18 “Absence” spoilers ahead. 

I mean before actually watching 14x17 I knew Mary will die this season, because her story run it’s full circle and there was just no any purpose of having her anymore. It was crystal clear after 14x13. I just didn’t actually expect it to happen in 14x17 and not off-screen, I thought Jack zipped her somewhere and that she would eventually die at the end of the season as a result of more much more complicated Jack vs Heaven vs Empty issues - which eventually would be the setting of S15, old SPN style.

What I din’t expect was her clumsy redemption arc regarding her lack of parenting. I was never a Mary Winchester stan but I think these cheesy noir good bye memories of her are a disgrace to her character. They showed her as a woman who couldn’t find herself in the new world and I think she always missed Heaven and actually didn’t want to be back alive, which is where her lack of interest for the boys came from. It was too much for her to handle so she was always running away from them and turned to hunting, which she despised, but which was the only thing she knew and thus could control. 

I never liked the way she always spoke about being there for them if they needed her, where she in fact NEVER were there for them, but that was the purpose of her character - the dichotomy between being a mother and a hunter, a domestic family person vs a lone wolf, the perfect Mother Mary vs Flawed Mary. I didn’t like it, but that’s the way it was, they chose to show us Mary tipping to the lone hunter wolf side, because of her missing 30 years of her life. I mean, you chose to portray her that way (whether I liked it or not, that’s a fact) and you can’t just suddenly squash an image of her as a domestic loving mother, who always were by their side, when she really wasn’t, because her whole story arc in seasons 12-14 revolved around not being able to live with her boys knowing they were grown ass men. If you wanted to show us that she really was by their side when they needed her, you should have done this when she was still alive and a part of the story, ffs. I hate rushed redemption arcs, it flattens out the whole character, because what WAS the purpose of her running away then? What was the purpose of Sam and Dean being hurt because she didn’t want to be around them, if you now show me glimpses of their cute domestic shenanigans? Sure, they wanted to show a flawed female character, to destroy the image of Saint Mary and show us that she makes mistakes too, fine, but then WHY redeem her like this, in the very last minute, when they you SO MUCH screen time on useless fucking Nick? Maybe I’m missing something, I’m open for discussion (no hate), but it just doesn’t make any sense to me. 

HOWEVER, as much as I hate rushed redemption arcs, these scenes brought us some real gold and I’m happy they showed them to us, I would just prefer they showed it in a different setting. Anyway, we now know that: 

Mary knew Cas was always there for them and she said that out aloud,

Dean is a cuddler and he loves people cuddling to him, 

Dean is also a pedant (I feel you Dean, I too would lose my shit seeing this floor) 

She felt Sam’s struggle and helped him through it 

Still, I just wished they would put more of THAT previously, along with everything else she’s done. It would fit her character more, especially her struggle with loving the boys but not being able to let go of her “old” life. 

Anyway, moving on. 

SAM WINCHESTER I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER. 

You saw through your own bullshit, you saw through Dean’s bullshit. You knew all three of you are responsible of Jack going crazy, you knew that every three of you saw it coming and none of you did anything to stop it and called Dean out, because you knew Dean’s anger directed at Cas was unfair. 

I mean I know Dean is emotional and that’s the way he deals with grief - he also told Sam he should be the one burning on the pyre instead of Charlie, but we all know he never actually meant that. It’s just what Dean does when emotions take over him, he lets anger take the lead and doesn’t THINK about what he says. We know that. 

But even though it happens a lot, no one ever called him out on that and make him realize that he can’t blame someone if it’s everybody’s (or nobody’s) fault. For once Sam took the “adult” role instead of dumping it all on Dean.  

He knew Jack going to the dark side hurt Cas just as much as it hurt him and he knew how much losing Mary will hurt Dean, because it hurt Sam just as much. He took the mediator role between the two of them, knew that Cas wanted to console Dean at Mary’s funeral, but stopped him because he knew Dean needed time. 

I mean this scene was so beautiful because there was a very visible tension between Dean and Cas, the fighting married couple vibe was hanging HEAVILY in the air and Sam stood between them like a marriage counselor, BUT even though there are issues between them they’ll heal and they’ll stay strong as long as they’re together, all three of them.

Also the way they let Mary go in the end? How they understood she’s happy and at peace now and they don’t need to bring her back solely because of their own emotions? Because even though it hurts them right now, bringing Mary back again would hurt her even more for much longer. They finally learned that. I’m so proud of them. 

And finally, Deancas. I watched the ep an hour ago and I still feel the tension. I deadass thought Dean will anger kiss Cas at some point, because it was just so unbearable, especially after Sam called Dean out on blaming Cas for not telling them. You could see Cas feeling guilty and wanting to apologize, wanting to be close to Dean and try to explain (like ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE, WE’RE SO CLOSE GUYS) and Dean still being angry at Cas, but it just didn’t feel like his usual anger. It wasn’t “you’re actually dead to me”, it felt more like “I’m really really pissed at you for not telling me but I still love you though, just gimme a minute”. 

I don’t know how to put that in words, but it felt like Dean was pissed at Cas and still wanted him around despite his “don’t talk to me ever again” vibe. It’s like he wanted to say sorry for lashing out, but at the same time he didn’t, which maybe is the reason I felt he would slam Cas against a wall and angry kiss him. Because he was pissed and hurt but also still not pissed and hurt enough to actually mean that Cas was dead to him. 

Anyway it seems like they’re going to “have a break” in their relationship until shit goes down in the next two episodes and one of them will fear they’ve lost the other one and they’ll make out talk it out after reuniting again. I LIVE FOR THAT. 

Btw I refuse to talk about Nick and Hallucifer. Maybe if we pretend we don’t see him they’ll stop bringing him back. 

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If you ever think I won’t love Daniel Radcliffe any more, you’re obviously wrong. I will love him more and more till my heart explodes. 

he knows whats up

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WHERE IS THE LIE 

Dean with Cas vs. Dean with any other angel

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Hey, that’s very nice that you’re crediting when reposting a gif, but unfortunately, it’s not me who made the gif. The whole credit goes to @andthwip, I’ve only reblogged her set :) 

me, pretending to not be hyperfixating on marvel

gif creds to @blueberrymamba

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Thor is still pissed they didn’t invite him to their little parking lot fight 

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I love Billie, but damn I miss the old Death, he’s so cute 

SPN cast in the SPN Parody gag reel

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“As long as you love me” by Sleeping at Last is THE Drarry anthem and you can’t change my mind 

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It’s all in the title

Alright, I finally watched the episode and can finally make my statement about what I think is going on. 

They named the episode “Game Night” even though they didn’t actually manage to sit down and play. It’s important, because The Winchester often have some cute domestic things they’ve planned to do, but eventually abandoned them because of the Very Important Plot Twist ™. However, they don’t name the episodes “Beer night” or “Dean Finally Made Himself A Very Good Sandwich But Needed to Leave for The Case”, which means there’s something significant about the title - or rather, the title tells us something. The episode starts with Dean being adorably frustrated with the mouse trap game, which turns out to be foreshadowing of the trap Nick planted on them. They refer to the title, or rather to the word “game” later, too: “Come on Sammy, hit the play button” said Nick, to which Sam hit the honk button to alarm Dean. 

It’s all about the game. They’re playing. Probably with us.

See, I don’t believe Jack actually killed Mary, even though it seemed like he lost control over himself. They need to reach the point of no return and the conflict climax in order to wrap the season. 

The exposition took a very long time, because they had to introduce us to the season’s main problem, which obviously was not Michael!Dean, but Jack and his powers. Eventually though, the Main Conflict™, also known as Inciting Incident, emerged when Jack died, Cas made the deal with the Empty and they brought Jack back, which lead us to the rising action of Jack losing his soul and not being able to control his powers after he killed Michael. 14x17 showed us the Complication, also known as PONR, in which Jack finally lost it. We’re now about to reach the climax in 14x18, then Reversal and Falling Action in 14x19 and of course, the Resolution in 14x20 with denouement fading into S15.

It’s a natural assumption that Dean saying “You’re dead to me” in 14x18 promo is at least a part of the climax, but because they need to spice things up (again, only 3 episodes left) they need to play us a little in order to obtain the shock value during the actual Climax, otherwise they would not showed us Dean saying it, like they didn’t show us Dean saying “I hate you” to Mary or any other kind of bomb they’ve planted on us, ever. I mean there’s no point of exposing the shock value in a promo. 

If Jack really killed Mary, which would make Dean and Cas part their ways because of Dean not being able to forgive Cas for not telling them, they would have just shown us Jack killing her. It’s not like they’re afraid to - we’ve seen the most gruesome deaths on this show already. Also why would Jack lay down in the grass, alone, and then just kind of casually talk to Nick? And Nick didn’t say “they’re not going to forgive you” but “they’re not going to trust you”, which means Jack indeed did something bad, but didn’t do anything critical, like killing Mary. He probably just teleported her somewhere, but the boys will be left thinking he killed her.

Aaaaand there’s still the problem with: Malfunctioning heaven, Lucifer in the Empty, the Empty itself and Cas’ deal. They have to connect these things together somehow. 

Also, did you guys notice: 

- We have Jack running around without a soul not being able to control his powers (hello s12 and s6)

- We have Mary probably teleported somewhere (hello s12)

- We have Empty lurking somewhere in the shadows waiting to collect its prize (hello S3?)

- We have the Lucifer rising vibe (hello every fucking season ever, but mostly S4)

- We will see Chuck in the finale (hello s11)

- We have Cas and Anael talking about the fall and living among humans (hello s9)

- We had Sam and Cas breaking though to Dean in his mind (hello S8)

- We have Cas and Dean standing against each other, the word “betrayal” and “failed” floating around them, like HELLO S6 

- Obviously Michael!Dean and the Michael/Lucifer fight (hello s4) 

- We had John back (hello S1/2) 

Is it just me or are they circulating around ALL their previous seasons, just with a different outcome, fixing the issues they’ve been plagued with in these seasons...?