brimmsedge

[brimmsedge]

Dream: Home Again

The dream starts, I’m on some Transformer planet. Everything is a machine with small parts. The floors and walls have unnecessary amounts of pipes and fans. (This part isn’t really important it’s just the intro.) I’m walking around. I’m finding cities, sky scrapers, parks etc. I walk through a park a find human kids playing on it. I guess it’s just the future where we can tell the environment to change to a specific item? This wasn’t explained. No one really seemed to notice me. I go to McDonald's and order some fries. Except they’re small fry engines? I don’t know. But this is where it gets interesting. Violet walks by and takes a fry. We meet eyes and she grins, breaking into a smile. Violet! I say. We talk and hug. She comes back to me, without me having to even ask. But I’m still shy at first. I test my limits. I touch her back with my hand. No reaction.  I begin to rub her back. Slowly move my fingertips across her skin. She looks at me with the same look as before. Pure, happiness. It’s a second too short, she closes her eyes. I pull my hand to her cheek. She opens her eyes. Somehow they’re already looking into mine. Beautiful, calm, and serene. She’s trying so hard to trust me. I move my other hand to her other cheek, and hold her face in my hands. She closes her eyes again and pushes her face into my hands embracing me. Gently brushing her face into my fingers. We hug and our embrace meets a lustful surprise. We didn’t finish taking off our clothes. Her black bra unclipped but still lingering around her arms swaying with each trust. Her moans were raspy but powerful. But as quick as it came, our clothes torn animalistic nature is returned to harmony. We both enjoyed each other briefly but understood we should wait. Our heavy panting breathes synchronized. She cracks a joke and leaves the bed. As we were rolling around every time the camera panned, the walls and environment changed. Now we’re back in our house we had. After this moment of weakness she returns to her cautious self. Still loving me and acting normal but when she thinks I’m not looking I can see a small panic or nervous concern. She tries making food but I have all the ingredients moved. So I take over and tell her to get dressed. Moments pass and the house is unusually quiet for the two of us. I look around and she’s nowhere to be found. I find her in the garage in my car. Still only wearing my shirt. I carry her back inside and she starts giggling again. God her smile is perfect. I missed it so much. I rest my head on top of her head. I hear something? I pull away. It’s gone. I lay my head back down. There it is again. It sounds like a phone ringing. I pull away and ask her what that is. She denies it and lies. I feel my heart break a little. I knew she was hiding something. I lay my head back down and hear someone pick up the ringing line. But I pull away before I hear them speak. I reach to her ear and find a small black hearing aid type Bluetooth device wrapped around it. My face drops my smile and I feel betrayed. She grins and almost laughs. I get up and leave the house. But no matter where I turn I end up facing the house again. There’s a black truck in the driveway. Who is this? Her bf? Onyx? I open the front door and prepare for the storm. Closing my eyes, I push forward. The door opens and an older lady greets me. She’s got wrinkles but is unmistakably Violet’s grandmother. Spitting image. If this is what she looks like old, I’ll be the luckiest man alive. She’s gorgeous. Her grandma is carrying boxes, but not out – she’s moving them in! She’s bringing Violet’s stuff back?? Was this a test? Did I pass some test and now she’s ready to move back in. It’s boxes of toiletries, blankets, and clothes. Violet comes downstairs after what I’d assume was ruffling through her things. Her grandma says. G: Okay. That’s everything, you all good sweetie? Are things okay? V: Yup, thanks Gma! – She smiles and squints her eyes a little. But I don’t believe this. Me: Are things? Okay? Violet? Her grandma called her by her real name. So when I called her, her long lost name she almost took a step back. Her smile didn’t fade but her face wore shock. She catches herself, smiles and repeats. “I’m fine” After her grandma leaves we sit in the kitchen in silent. Both standing like statues. My eyes still in disbelief. I stand close to her and check the time on the stove. 6:33 am. I’m gonna be late for work, but this is worth it. I hold her hands in mine and stare into her eyes again. This time she’s not wearing a mask. She’s not smiling excessively. She’s serious. Me: Violet I love you. You know that right? V: I know. – She smiles. Me: Wait, the car thing. You were out making a call weren’t you? V: Yeah. How’d you know I was out there? Me: I didn’t. I was just looking around the house and got scared when I couldn’t find you. V: Why were you scared? I long feared this conversation. Feared that she’d get mad at me. Yell at me. Or not care what I had to say. But we were already there. There’s no more preparing. Four years leading to this. Time to let out everything. No more hiding. Me: I was scared to lose you again. – I feel the wet tears creeping from the corners of my eyes. Her face finally shows something real. She understands. Before she was happy but waiting for me to trip up. Get mad. But that’s not me anymore. She was guarding herself from getting hurt. She didn’t trust me. Now she understands. I still love her. She’s seeing for the first time in years, not with her eyes but her heart. She slowly starts to cry too. She reaches around me for a hug but I can’t stand. Or maybe I feel the need to kneel. I get beneath her. I cower. No sense of pride or respect. The only thing I feel is guilt and sorrow. She stands with my head pressed into her gut. Her arms wrapped around me. Her fingers occasionally twirl the ends of my hair. Her whole shirt is soaked because I’m not crying – I’m sobbing excessively. I missed her so much. We finally get to embrace again and I can’t take it.

Me: Please, Violet please. I love you so much. You understand now right She nods and cries harder. She understands but I still need to admit, confess, and explain further the depths of my heart. I slowly catch my breath from the ocean waves crashing against my face. My breathing coming in short spirts. I pull away from her wet shirt and look up at her. I feel so helpless. Vulnerable.

Me: You know it wasn’t all that bad right? You know I love you so much? More than anything. I’m shaking. My body convulses. I try not to predict anything anymore. Not her answers, not what will happen. I wait patiently for my fate. I’ve confessed. The almighty judge and executioner will finally give me what I deserve. I say it again in an instant. Me: You know I never meant to hurt you. I just needed to fix me. I couldn’t stand to see you hurt. Please forgive me. V: I know. – She barely manages to speak. Mostly nodding while she’s bawling as well. This time she smiles a little. Her sharp face lightens a little and she pulls me up and we kiss for the first time in years. Yeah the sex was just bodily fluids and stuff. This moment was the real passion. The real sensation I longed for. My heart in hers.

She had short black hair, black eye liner, fine eyebrows. Black rimmed glasses, dark lipstick, her ears were pierced with 3 spikes in each, she had lip piercings too and two black band aids on her neck. I don’t know if that was fashion or not. But her grey light blue eyes staring back at me. I was finally home again.

[brimmsedge]

Lucid Dream: Silver Swan Lake

The dream started with a group of people around a computer acquiring gear. It was in weird sequences. Like preparing for a heist.  A parachute at the top of a tower. A briefcase behind a seat. Keys under the rear passenger side of a van. We had time, dates, and locations of deaths and some window of opportunity to talk to the dead or something. I didn't understand our objective. There were about 5 of us. Tyde Tyme was one of us. One of my exes, Kira. And believe it or not, Marsoup was there. And one of my brothers was there. We were riding in an elevator going up. We were all old and worn. Wearing tactical battle gear. But we got the roof and it was a lake at night. It was called Silver Swan Lake, the way the moonlight reflected off its surfaced gave clear indication of that.

One by one we began dunking each other? We had to die to go back in time.. Finally it was Kira and I left. Not sure why but we lit some candles and had a moment in a room talking we took a shower together too. Finally when we finished we dressed in a tunic garb of thin cloth and went outside. The cloth was thin enough to cloak the body but when the light came from the other side, it left little to the imagination. Not in a horny way, just a beautiful way of the human body. The way it fit over Kira, reminded me of a girl wearing a white dress shirt that barely covered her butt.  and I let her submerge me in the shallow water. Dying was definitely painful. My body shook and tremored violently. 

When I woke up next I was at the top of the tower. I was in a room with 3 other people. The elevator stopped working but I only had 30 seconds to get out. I lifted the ceiling tile in the bathroom and grabbed the parachute. I'd never done something like this in a dream, but I was surprised when it only took me 2 good pumps before I was able to leap from the building. We were a good 80-100 stories up. The fall was so fun, but something about prepping myself for the fall made me lucid. So I didn't need the parachute, I just landed on my feet in the park below.

I think we were in New York. Tall sky scrapers, and the green luscious park in the middle of the grey smog filled city. I landed and a white, windowless, van pulled up to pick me up. It was Kira. She smiled, "You're late." "It took me a few more pumps to get out. " "What happened to your shoot?" "Didn't need it." "Haha you're crazy, Vinx." "Where's Izzy?" "He's at the extraction point, we have a problem though, Tyde had a semo-temporal misfire. We're gonna need to reboot him."

We drove to a parking complex a few blocks away to get new gear. It was night out now though the city had few lights on. The police showed up and thought we were smuggling drugs. It was a whole sting operation. Swat and local police surrounded us. We had to talk our way out of it. I hid the gear with my lucid powers as they checked the crates. But my mind jumped to the bottom of the elevator shaft, that flatted out into a subway tunnel. Instead of falling I was on the ground and the train crashed. I was a ghost, non-material, I saw a dead mom. Sam and Dean Winchester were there and helped me question her. All she could say was that I wasn't supposed to be there.

My mind jumped back and I was already back in the van, it was day out now. Early morning. We got to a small bar on the edge of town. My team was mostly there and geared up, I stepped out of the van and followed each one posted outside the bar, who gave me nods and pointed in the direction to go, while they stayed on point. When I got to the backyard of the bar a young Tyde was  sitting on a wooden bench. 

The backyard had a large wooden fence along the perimeter and a dense forest behind it that slopped downhill. A few neighboring houses but nothing quite as tall as the orange bricked bar. There was a black iron grill outside, and several umbrellas with beer logos on them. Though the bench Tyde was at had none. I sat down and asked him what he remembered.  He didn't understand the question, he was simply Tyde in his younger body. Meaning the agent that was supposed to be inside Tyde's body failed. Temporal misfire. We were all thrown into people's bodies who were about to die. Something changed and Tyde's host didn't die so the new consciousness couldn't replace him. I tried to good cop bad cop him, but it didn't work. But I could tell, however, he was interested in what I was saying when I told my partner about the temporal misfire and finding a new host. Tyde showed eagerness when he asked who I really was. He knew I wasn't a real FBI agent.

So I gave him the truth, Time Travellers. I asked him if he wanted to save the world. He smiled and said, "Sign me the fuck up." He stood up from the bench and offered his hand. I looked to my partner, smiled and then shook Tyde's hand wearing an equally eager smile. The team of 5 was ready. We headed out and briefed Tyde on his role. Which didn't take much time for him to learn his way around a gun. "I play a lot of video games." He said, but the adrenaline of excitement was being met by harsh reality. I could see slight doubt growing in him. But I put my hand on his shoulder and said, "I believe in you. You got this." 

We got back to the city and split up to work our way to the extraction. Our mission was a bomb at the train station in the center of town. We had snipers, and people looking for the bomb and detonator. My goal was to find the bomber. I was a professional analyst. I look at people and can read their emotions, set up an accurate backstory for them. A sherlock skill of deduction type thing. Profiling each person as I made my way through the station. I saw a homeless man, laying on a cardboard mat begging for change. I changed it so he had clean clothes, a cup full of money, and neat sleeping arrangements. Then a voice of Kira echoed in my head, a slight flashback to when Kira was killing me at the Silver Swan, "Don't change too much."

I kept moving on, to an area like a school, tons of lockers that filled the walls. Like a maze I ran my way through them, even small alleyways of lockers. I found another group of people, a terminal of sorts. That's when Mars came running up behind me. "Not so fast kiddo. Zen said she found the bomb. It's defused. What happened to your comms?" I forgot to turn them on. I left them off so I could focus on finding the bomber. She smiled and rolled her eyes and went back the way she came. The small terminal room turned into a recruitment center for the Marines? There were many people in uniforms and training exercises going on in the small waiting room of the train station. Large leather couches, the counter with metal bars to buy the tickets. Even an ATM in the corner. And a door of light leading to the next area. 

I knew the bomber had to be in this area. But my brother who is a marine showed up and we got into a competition, seeing who could do more pull ups, sit ups, or jump the highest. Not sure what happened, if the bomb blew up, but there was a mute of sound, followed by a growing white light until there was nothing but blinding. And then I woke up.

[brimmsedge]

Dream: Love like Winter

The dream began, at my grandma’s house. The sky was a beautiful orange/rose pink. Mixed with amber. I actually made a quick bit of it in Photoshop. Posted Below, and yes it’s small cause I was working with pixel art and that’s the only real thing I know how to do. Not important lol

So that’s what the sky looked like. In my dream I called it the Sky Orchid. It’s not supposed to look like tentacles but the sky smeared like that, blending but twisting at the same time. Each color fighting the other.  That’s the sky, my grandma’s house was also floating in space. Like the thing not the place. Floating inside this red torrent of blaze. But no one noticed but me. The grass was very lush and green. The dirt was brown red. It seemed very fertile as well. All colors seemed vibrant and powerful. 

There was a wedding being prepared. Tons of guests and everyone was dressed in a suit or dress. I was standing in the front of the house watching guests and family arrive walking to the clerk to check in and the young usher boys coming to and from the back to the front to lead the families to their tables. 

I’d get the occasional family member to walk by and congratulate me or say hi. I’d look in their eyes and smile politely. I never said anything. By the time I looked away and dropped the smile they were gone. None bothered to  actually talk. It’s the fake wonder how you’re doing but I’m only asking cause you’re in my way. 

My grandma eventually found me and wrapped her hands around my arms beside me. As if I was leading her by the elbow except she was definitely leading. Setting me off into an unknown destination. 

She lead me to the woods in the backyard of the house. Tall orange barked trees with violet leaves at the top that touched the sky. There were no underbrush in these woods. Just grass, and a few twigs. No other plants beside the trees. 

In the middle of the woods, laying on a cut tree stump, was a book. Grandma opened it and began folding the pages. Each one had a family member in it and goals they accomplished. There was even a drawer made inside the stump that Grandma opened and changed a few of the medals that clipped to the pages of the book. 

“You know it’s been a long time. I’ve spent most of my life building this legacy of a family...” she began to lecture me about life and how wise she was. Toward the end of her speech she made it to my page. Which bore no medals. She opened the drawer and told me the only medals she had left were for archery. She explained that the medals came with the book and that the rest of the family used up the rest. It was my duty to take up archery so that the book can be complete before she dies. 

I tried to tell her I had accomplished other things in life. She didn’t care. She was still disappointed that I hadn’t completed her book. She walked off mad at me. 

I wandered inside only to find a change of scenery. I was in a high school. The halls were filled with blue lockers and ribbons. There were rotating light balls and the lights were turned down low. 

It was Prom Night.

I could hear lovely dance music coming from across the way. The acoustic echoes filling the halls. As I walked with each step I was thrown back in time. Not exactly thrown, just phased. All my dream friends were huddled around me and my locker. A group of cheerleaders came over and said hi. A few hugged me before one girl, blonde ponytail, asked me to prom. I smiled. 

Time returned to normal. I entered the gymnasium. There’s not really much, it’s looks beautiful in my dream but after I woke up, there was nothing there. I approached the group of girls that housed the one that asked me to Prom. I asked her if she wanted to dance. 

She laughed at my face. The rest of her friends laughed too. Then my friends are behind me, and they started to snicker. Then they all left together. My eyes watered and I fought back tears. Why does this always happen to me? 

I walked over to the DJ both and just start to dance. She smiled at me but kept doing her thing. I started to smile too and dance like an idiot. She couldn’t help but laugh. Eventually I forgot about my family, my friends, and I just had a good time. The DJ even left the booth and let me do a song. 

The rest was boring. Snow cops, highway car accident, and something I can’t remember. 

[brimmsedge]

Dream: Winter Sickness

The dream began, with me in a cantina. It was definitely inspired by Star Wars, but had a more modern theme to it. It felt like a remodeled Taco Bell. The booths and color schemes. It’s busy inside, tables, waiters, shuffling around food trays. I’m with a friend Noreya, Kietes, and a guy named Taitus Silver.  The sky is a light cyan color, with touches of pink behind the clouds. Jellyfish swimming through the air. Little things I missed.  We’re eating food and ordering more drinks. There’s music playing and the vibe is up and high on energy. My pocket vibrates and the beat slows down to the steady rhythm of my heart. It’s her. She messaged me. I read her name from the top of my phone. Chloe Winters. I find myself smiling, reading old messages before I even scroll down to read the new one. She says she’s close by. We finally get to meet in person. I was nervous, but then I remember the dream before. Of her sun dress, and the way she wore that smile. Unbreakable. Pure. I would fight to hell and back again to protect and make real that reality.

A place where she was safe and always had a reason to smile.  She was getting closer and more nervous. She started sending messages like, “What if you don’t like me?” “What if I smell bad?” I tried to reassure her. That my love for her it’s conditional. It’s not to make me happy, or dependent on special terms. I just love her for who she is. 

But it didn’t work. She said she “got busy” and delayed us meeting. I went to snapchat to check her location. She was about 50m away. The Taco Bell was at an intersection near the highway. She just got off the highway but then went straight and kept going. I followed the GPS onto the highway. Meter by meter, the closer I got my heart raced. Finally I had passed her and looked to my right. She was coming.

When I found her she was being driven by her mother. She was putting these things in people’s mailboxes. I got to the other side of the road where the mailboxes are and open one. Inside is a little bee/honey lotion wrapped gift. I started to walk toward her; leaving my car on the side of the busy highway. The cars didn’t move over so the air turbulence rushed passed my face. The force shook my body but I stayed on course. With each step closer my heart calmed.

The sky started to change ever so slightly. Dark clouds filled the sky from the direction I was walking. But these clouds weren’t a blanket over the sky. The clouds were a wall, a colossus shield, towering above everything else. There was a red tint coming from behind the clouds that reminded me of Stranger Things. No creature, but the color.

When I finally got close enough, I called her name. She looked at me. But it wasn’t the playful smile I was used to. It wasn’t embarrassment, or disgust. It was a numbness kind of sad. I had seen it before on the darkened days where the mirror would speak too much if I looked at it. The days where I’d shower in the dark, because my skin was a burden to look at. She was tired. Trying her best, but it wasn’t enough. Forced to carry on, when her mind is long dead. There was a distant hum that grew to a roar. I looked around but no one else had heard it. The giant dark clouds were on top of us now. The red had also weaved itself in and out of the tower of clouds in the sky. It looked like a rose. Black and scarlet engraved rose just floating in the sky above us. I turned to Chloe and called her name again. But I met her blank expression. She tried to smile but was a prisoner to her sorrow. She got back in the car with her mother and left. Skipping the rest of the mailboxes. And went into the darkness of the clouds.

[brimmsedge]

Dream: Spirit’s Awakening

The dream began; I was walking through the mall. Typical crowd rush of people. Window shopping. I’m drifting up stream. Almost automatically weaving around people without paying them much mind. Something catches my eye, and while I’m staring a woman behind me speaks up. “My name is Spirit. By the way.”

It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me. I heard her. But when I didn’t hear the reply I realized it. I turned around to see her eyes widen like I was being rude. She turned away.

“Wait, you’re... talking to me?”

“Duh. Who else?” She said looking half back to me. She didn’t say anything else. She left the way she came; into the current. 

I went on my way but my mind couldn’t stop seeing her face. Spirit. Such an odd name. Why’d she tell me? People just don’t talk to me. Why had she noticed me? The mass of flowing water, and she chose to see a leaf floating on top. 

The rest of the dream was mundane. I was a customer but when I went to the Boost Mobile computer area, I started helping the IT there and even went behind the counter to help them. Because they had no idea what they were doing. 

The next dream I had, I was coming home from a date with Spirit. We walked in the front door and my friend, Horija, was there. She was really jealous. She waited in my house to make sure we didn’t come home and have sex. She was pretending to clean out some of her things. Her excuses were sad. I politely asked her to leave. 

Then Spirit and I laid on the couch and watched a movie and cuddled. As we were going to bed and I was shutting off the kitchen lights I saw Horija, sleeping in the bed of her truck. She stayed here all night to spy on us. 

In the morning I left for work and found my mom and aunt waiting in the parking lot outside my house. My house was also some fancy rich lodge. We all piled into my car and went driving down the dirt road. They were talking about living on private residents in the park. Like there’s a hotel but also private homes to live in. Apparently I owned a national park. 

The road winded up mountains and over cliffs. It was a beautiful sight. There was a crystal canyon of rainbow gems. Very beautiful. 

Then the car turned into a helicopter and we rode over the cliff. There was another large lake there too. The helicopter landed on the roof and when we got out it was like a character select screen. I was Meg from Dead by Daylight. Except I got to change my pants to ripped jeans. That was basically a World of Warcraft battle thong. It was a denim thong with some loose ripped pants parts. 

I ended up jumping off the room and landing in the water. Except it was about 2 inches deep. I could walk on it. Me and the rest of my friends, who were other Dead by Daylight characters started crouching and teabagging to say high. We started to look for generators. 

Nea could double jump and it was weird. Then I ran into Hoakes, from Dexter. Along with La Guetta, and Dexter himself. At a crime scene. I tried to make friends with Dex since I knew what he was. But he just viewed me as another normie. 

Not much happened afterward. I forgot when I woke up. I guess it was just the boring transition. 

[brimmsedge]

Dream: The Pillars of life

The dream began, in winter. It was ironic because I was with her as well. She came back. There was snow on the ground and it was light snowing. Except they were dandelion fluffs. I held my hands up and did the pigeon meme. “Is this, a snowflake?” it was pretty funny. She giggled in an embarrassing way. 

We were walking through the park and enjoying the snow. We hugged and said goodbye for the night. I got in my car to leave. The drive home was quiet except for the low crunching of the snow under the tires of my car. I was about 10 feet off from my driveway when my entire car hit a patch of ice and I did a 180 degree spin and skidded passed it. 

So I pull around and try again. Just as I reach my driveway, another skid, and another 180. Frustrating as hell. Eventually I became lucid and started to float into the sky. Hovering in a standing position, I use hand gestures to air bend a huge gust of wind to blow the street and trees down. 

My body continued to rise, I felt like it wasn’t enough. I lifted myself beyond the orbit of Earth and water bent the oceans to flood. Then freeze over. I was still not convinced the force was gone and would allow me to park my car. So I floated beyond the solar system and supernova’ed the Sun. The white explosion of the star wiped out the first three planets and then darkness followed.

Except my eyes were just closed. I opened them and found myself in my hotel room. Only, my brother wasn’t here before. Nor was my cat. My cat was laying on my brother’s bed at his feet. I got up and pulled the blanket off my feet. My toes were bleeding and broken. My cat got scared and ran out of the room. But its tail stood in place. Frozen in time. 

My brother and I talked. Wandered around the hotel room in the dark. It was probably 2 am. We didn’t turn any lights on so the room was tinted black and navy blues. 

I went outside to get some water. I was stopped by the burst of walls and debris. A giant machine rhino came crashing through. “Where is the demi-god?” He yelled. He began grabbing people and smashing them against the floor. 

It didn’t take long for me to realize that I was still dreaming. But when I tried to focus my vision but only darkness came. One by one the darkness gave way to single glowing specs. Stars. Red, blue, white, yellow, orange, green, and violet. Mostly the stable white/yellow stars. 

Out of the cosmos, a table formed. Well not really. But there were distortions in space and light. There was a table but you couldn’t see it. Just feel it there. There floating in space. Still, motionless, but on a flat plane, several poker-like chips; tokens. Across the table and stacked high. Each one had a different symbol/pattern to it. Unrecognizable. 

Unless stacked. Each chip meant nothing on its own, but the collection of them in their tower build something. I went through the chips; just a few. They were memories. People, places, things. Around the circle and one large tower in the middle. 

An old lady appear from the space on the other side of the table. Like space was a misty void. Just a bust of a lady, the rest was covered in a cosmic shroud, hidden in the mist. Like green screen but not as refined. Just vanished into the nothing that was this room - this place. She and I talked about the towers. The memories. 

The place where the soul knew everything. Being thrown into the fleshy meat of existence. Sure the soul knows everything but what is there to do in soul form? We get bored. We jump into bodies to experience life. The waking world is amnesia of the divine. We’re made for forget. Restricted. Forced to remember. But most forget. Consumed by their human lives. They forget their purpose and lose their way. 

I am a soul. I am a cosmic being. This vessel, this journey is temporary. My destination is not permanent. I await the next place and the people in it. I cannot wait to find my love in souls of new faces. Though, they do not recognize me. Why does no one see me?

“You finally see the point.” the old voice called out. She was Dr. Evelyn Vogel, from Dexter’s TV show. Same old lady and voice. I hadn’t paid attention to her attributes really.  “This world doesn’t matter. Nothing in it. Nothing in this life. No choice. It’s all a petty game.” I replied. “How many friends do you need?” “None.” “How many family members do you need?” “None.”  Each question she asked she or I toppled over a tower of chips that would fade into nothingness. I say her or I, because our hands moved as one. I wasn’t sure who was doing it. One by one the towers fell until there was just one left in the middle. 

“No one. And nothing in this life matters.” I started. “Then what is the point?” My hand stopped mid-swing to the middle tower.

“To give.” Her body phased through to where the tower would have been. In middle of the table and directed in front of my phase.  TO GIVE. Her words echoed in my head. The table and her body vanished. This life isn’t mine alone. It’s my soul and every one else’s. Every life in this world is connected to everyone. Every soul you meet becomes part of yours.  A visual wheel began to spin. It showed my soul in a humanoid avatar, no facial features or hair. Just in the Da Vinci’s human pose. In front of my avatar there was a wheel that had an endless amount of other humanoids. The wheel would spin and align to my avatars. The souls would match and exchange information. Like a flesh flashdrive. A fleshdrive. Human bodies are living Hard-drives. Exchanging information and passing them on to future generations. 

Except everyone’s soul has a color and aura. Each person we meet souls are exchanged in different proportions. In most, my soul didn’t affect them. No one understood me. No one wanted me. They gave little while I tried to give them all. My violet lights passing through them. Some I met allowed more. “The more you give the more you can receive.” The voice began again. But doubt filled my head. I’ve been loving as much as I can to whomever I can. Yet, I still receive nothing. 

The wheel finally clicked to  a person who each avatar was completely lit up. The figures were perfect for each other. The souls were aligned completely.  Soulmates. The white light elapsed my vision. Then I woke up. 

[brimmsedge]

Dream: Dyad Institute

The dream began; I was being forced through a crowded space in a queue line of metal detectors and surveys. There was much confusion has to what happened and what was continuing to happen. And where I was. But I couldn’t look around too much before the space in front of me opened up and I’d get a not so friendly push to fill the gap.

At first I thought they were just eager to speed the process along. It wasn’t until a young man tried to flee from the line that I realized we weren’t here by choice. He didn’t get far until the tazer jolted him into a violent seizure.

When I got closer to the end of the line, I saw a chair and a strange head device. It was easy to deduce what this machine did by the violent, scared, emotions of the test subjects before and the numbness of them after the machine came to a stop. Brainwashing. On the backboard behind the chair was a triangle symbol. The symbol for the Dyad Institute, from Orphan Black.

Hooked up to the machine were several wires and two computers on desks. It wasn’t hard to tell what these machines read either. They made them very user friendly. They were reading people’s Chi. Each person they tested had an easy to read number. +3, -7, +5. My mind worked over the results of each person before me until I could no longer read the screen. This place felt much like TSA security. Lots of those portable taper strips to guide us along the line. Lots of bodies watching and guarding. The place looked clean and professional.

When I stepped to the chair I sat down without resistance. I let the machine work its magic. In turn, I’d work mine as well. This is my dream, and you think I’d let you take it from me? I looked at the machine with X-ray vision when the monitor called over his supervisor. My Chi was neutral. 0. Never been seen before. They didn’t seem to mind. They didn’t try to recalibrate the machine either. Next person got up, +9, +1, -6. It was working. Except I remembered everything. I was exactly who I was a moment ago.

The first machine wasn’t the only method of brainwashing. Every day in this new prison they’d give us pills to make us forget. I’d swallow them, but they held no power over me. I wondered if I had any magic at all and it wasn’t just because of my Chi. My neutrality gave me superiority over the others. We spent most days inside and sometimes when it rained they let us into the courtyard of mud and electric fences. I’m not sure the voltage was necessary. It was so much that the blue curls of lightning never stopped pouring out from the cold metal barbs.

It wasn’t until I started to try and wake up the others that my trouble started. Paul Deters from Orphan Black’s Dyad. Obviously the first few rebels I woke up and tried to escape didn’t work. We were met with brutal force. I got the machine again and several pills in isolation to make sure I was wiped. The isolation helped me practice my mock face. The next few revolts were planned more precisely. Still failed because the others would act out of line and instead of risking one person they all thought they could escape. A few times I let them act alone. I didn’t need unnecessary isolation, I needed to keep planning.

The men here had high powered energy guns and turrets set up. This next escape would do the trick. I just needed Paul to stop following me everywhere. One day, he did. He was replaced though. I woke up one morning beside him again. They shot me with drugs. They finally realized I wasn’t accepting any of them. They found out because another inmate had 0 Chi and he didn’t pretend like I did. They watched him pass off the drugs and machine, he panicked until they put a bullet in his head. They reviewed all the footage and saw that each and every time I resisted the drugs. This time, they had something else in mind.

They were going to militarize my DNA. Something like the Symbiote, or Xenomorph. No black goo, but definitely effective. My body resisted and tried to fight the infection. But failed. Instead it manifested with it. I turned into a werewolf. Paul did too after his injection. Except, he was a failed version. His claws and toes, face and skin, were deformed. He even knew it was something to be ashamed of. But me, my toes looked like raptors. My claws as sharp as blades. They still had me restrained and tazed me after the transformation was complete. They pushed me to an arena to test out my abilities.

I had faster reflexes, better vision, more agile. I was the perfect weapon. I laughed because here I could test and redefine my method of escape. They were helping me, they just didn’t know it yet.

Like normal, I would wake everyone up. This time I did it by force. I used my werewolf strength to break down the walls getting everyone together and then telling them that the family they’ve created in their minds were fake. We rebelled once more. This time I was on the front lines. Making sure no one else got hurt. I’d jump on walls, running on all fours. I’d rip turrets and people in half. I was a killing machine.

We got the end of the hall and three new turrets rose up from the floor. These blasts were easy for me to dodge. But not my fellow inmates. The energy burnt them to the bone. Nothing but ash was left in the torrent of white light. It hummed as it charged its next shot at me. I stood my ground. My last attempt to survive would not be so easily thwarted.

As the beam shot out and reached me, my hands grabbed the mystical energy. I tore it in two. Holding it in place, harnessing the energy. I sent the two beams back at the side turrets. To be honest, I was surprised I was able to catch the beam. I just wished for it to happen, and it did. After the explosions of the two turrets I pounced onto the center one and hacked at the machine to pieces. Not much of my resistance was left standing. They attacked us from the back and many men were getting shot down. I decide it’s best if I escape. So the efforts aren’t in vain.

I hire a lawyer and immediately investigate Dyad Institute. Day by day goes by during the trial. But my witnesses are disappearing every day. I call Paul Deters to the stand and even he goes missing. While it sucks for the trial, it still makes me look good. The trial is to resume in a few days so the police bring me to a safehouse with another family in the mean-time.

I ride a four-wheeler out across the meadows of their land. I arrive at the house but no one is home. I look down the winding driveway and find a strange mage whose face is covered in shadow by the hood. Every 10 feet or so, the mage drops down a crescent moon or star. Large 1 foot by 1 foot pads, of some sort. I pretend to be afraid and run up this tower. It’s strange because it resembled a Minecraft plank house. I ran slow enough to make sure the mage could keep up.

When I got to the roof I waited. Moments later the mage came up and began his dialogue. “You silly boy-“ But before he could make progress, I lifted him into the air with my telekinesis, I made two open hand clawed signs with my hand, bringing them together in front of me. Matching the energy that of the mage, I twisted my hands like opening a jar and slowly began to pull them apart. The mage reciprocated. His body twisted and his skin ripped red open. Some blood dropped, but when I tore him into two pieces no blood came down. Just cosmic energy. I could see billions of stars and galaxies between the pieces.

Further and further I stretched my hands until they began to shake from the power. Then I slammed my hands together in a thunderous clap. Only fragments of the mage’s clothes fell to the ground, his body fell into a pile of cosmic dust. I could feel the cosmic energy flowing through me. I grinned, staring down the roadway where the mage had come from. Hoping more would follow.

The sky began to weep. I could see Sora’s truck coming down the driveway. I leapt from the ledge and hid in the family’s garage. When the truck came to a stop, an ordinary looking family got out, confused, and worried. I came out from hiding to let them know I was okay. They must have seen the Moon sigils the mage left behind. The family and I went inside to eat.

But before I entered the house, I woke up.

[brimmsedge]

Dream: NanoBytes World

The dream began. I was walking through a lumber yard. Except, it wasn’t your ordinary dirty, dusty, mucky lumber yard. Everything was clean and smooth. My cliché futuristic scheme glossed over everything making it shine. I also noticed the walls that normally enclose the place had been enlarged and expanded. I was walking with two old friends from High School. Alex and Katelyn. They were newbies being trained in by myself. We were talking and doing the typical tour of the grounds.

We came across the manager who was wearing a bikini. She was having her own walk and talk with suits. We kept eyeing each other smiling. No one else seemed to notice. After we both concluded with our groups she walked over to me. She invited me to go swimming with her. We walked from the lumber yard passed a movie theater and stepped into an elevator. I noticed that there was additional buttons for sideways. We were in some utopia that had an all-directional elevator. I was marveled but the fascination keep rising when the doors opened as we reached the top. We arrived at a crystal clear swimming pool park. The water was a cyan blue, like the water in the Bahamas. Or perhaps it only looked that way because of the white panels under the water. It looked so clean and pure.

It was a theme park. I could see people, roller-coasters, food stands, and other exotic attractions. The swimming area was built right over some of the walk ways. Water slides, wave pools, there even was a section that looked like a skate park; lots of little pools for families but nearly connecting. My manager led me by the hand still grinning. I could hardly notice except when to look at her and where I was walking to make sure I didn’t fall. The park reached as far as I could see. But it all shared the same, while paneled theme of the future.

The primary colors were white, but each section of the park had secondary color liners. Like the swim park had everything lined in blue. White and blue banners, and walkways. Blue lights. The theme park with roller-coasters and other mechanical rides was white and red. There was a jungle safari with white and green. Very thin notices in the color to tell you where you were. And white and yellow for the food court. The farthest and biggest section was the red. Food court was in the middle and safari was off to my right near the lumber yard where we came from. There also was an aquarium under the pool park. And an arcade in the food court.

The park also had a housing district. Paneled purple. Think of the park like Westworld. A state-wide park. People would come to the park, rent the house for the summer and wake up every day to explore a section. Nature, relax in the pools, or ride the themed park rides. Each section had its levels too. Underground kid-park with minor rides and science exhibits. Play grounds. Every different kind of food available. All together like a strip mall but, a large strip mall? There was laser tag, bumper cars, even a section of the nature where you could drive your own golf carts across the way. Forests to walk, savannahs to roam, mountains to climb. The pool section had a beach too if you wanted something more natural. If you think of it, they had it. All enclosed with the security and freedom of being in-doors.

My manager and I found a vacant family pool and dropped into it. The water was the perfect temperature too. Alex and Katelyn found us again, this time in their swim suits and joined us. I wasn’t bothered but it looked like my manager was. She had a red and black swimsuit, blonde hair tied in a ponytail, and a tall fit body. After a moment everyone started to hum and gradually build into a song.

The pool we were at was near the edge that leaned over the park belong. I held my arm over the edge of the water and stared at the people below. I don’t remember how. But I fell. From the Sun in the sky, and all the white paneled floors and walls. Something changed. The panels went black. The world seemed to open up to me. As I fell, the floor gave way into the core of the world. But it opened like small pixels. When I landed, I cut myself on sharp crystals like glass. Nanytes. Nanobytes. Tiny computer machines that could build anything you wanted. All you had to do was program them. That’s how they made the park. They programmed the density and the robots would create the object. Except I fell into the processor. I could feel the nanytes coursing through me as they entered the cuts on my arm. I was only beginning to understand what might happen.

I found my way to the surface again but the panels were still black, and even the sky darkened. The Sun was out but so were the stars. The bright blue sky hid behind a sheet of black painted sky. The people were evacuating and these police-type, riot shielded, black armored, men came out and surrounded me. They must have known I violated some type of law. They tried to arrest me, but seeing that I fell, I’m a victim. I refused. There was a small struggle before someone’s gun went off and blew off my right hand.

Then the air stood still. The police stepped away and the conflict’s tension rose but in a motionless trance. I stared at the space my hand used to be. I also noticed that my arm looked like below. It reminded me of Tron. The crystalized data when someone dies or Quorra’s arm when it got deleted to bits. Mine wasn’t a straight cut but it looked pixelated. I could see the nanytes working to create a new hand already. In moments my hand was back. I was spinning it, bending my fingers to inspect the job they had done.

Everything felt normal. I clutched my hand to make a fist then looked up at the men staring in horror. “Now now, let us not do anything rash.” I spoke in a deep, calming voice. Putting my hands in front of me to mean no harm. They all raised their guns simultaneously. I pulled out my tiny shield amplifier. Something that looked like the nun chuck from the Wii. Just the small rounded handle part. It clung to my arm and when I pressed the trigger it would power a small shield on my arm.

I readied it for the oncoming blast of energy weapons. The shield, when energized, reminded me of Stephen strange’s orange circle of magical energy. After a few seconds of the barrage of blasts my shield blinked giving me the warning it was about to break. When it did I prepared myself for the worst. Except my body was able to create its own shield without the apparatus. The blaster fire stopped. The men tried to make sense of this new threat. I was trying to understand it myself. Anything I seemed to think, happened. I wanted my arm back, it came back. I wanted my shield to stay up, and it is.

The nanobytes are listening to me. They must have followed my bloodstream and entered my brain. Now my brain acts as a processor, and it must be more powerful than their computer so that they listen to me and not their inherit programming. To test my theory, I thought about teleporting somewhere else. I watched my body sink into the nanytes of the floor, brick by brick of this digital data, my body vanished. And then nearly 20 meters away my body again would build it up, centimeter by centimeter. Each atom in my body now replaced by millions of nanytes. I thought, how could I ever be whole again, did they recreate my body or is this a new one? I felt new.

The rest of the dream was mostly me running from these men. Shooting me down. I would instantly create paths across thin air by commanding the nanytes. I would open floors to lower ones that would drop a few of the men chasing me. I was a god and yet they still pursued me. Then eventually got me cornered in the park and shot a rocket at me. Exploded every nanyte in my body. Except I still existed. My mind had been replaced as well. As long as a single nanyte existed my memory would be passed through them all.

I recreated my body again. Watching it build my limbs from the tiny pieces of data. The grid and I are one. I decided it would be best to ensure I don’t die. So I had the nanytes at the bottom floor create a machine to create more nanytes. More and more I became self-sufficient. Going to the surface to purge the men who threated my existence. By this time I realized I hadn’t seen a single guest since my fall. But either way, I wasn’t going to let them take my world. I couldn’t offer much fight against the energy weapons. I’d be blasted open. But with the ability to rebuild and never die. All I had to do was exhaust my opponent. I started to shoot out nanyte spears. But nothing was really effective against them.

This “war” lasted a few months. Until one morning I met with suit. It was Rachel from Orphan Black. She spoke like Ford from Westworld. Talking about creation and that this was her dream. She showed me a picture of the maze. Except instead of the strange piece in the middle, it was Brimm’s sigil.

I don’t remember how I woke up, but as inevitable as it was, I did.

[brimmsedge]

Dream: Ethrisdich, the Dwemer Planet

The dream started, with me in my car driving home. I was just driving north and it was about 5 or 6 pm. Another car pulled up behind me and started tailgating me. I ignored the woman driving, thinking she would go away. I was wrong. She ended up rear ending me and trying to drive me out of her way. For some reason I was overcome with homicidal urges. So as she passed me I hit the back of her car causing it to lose control, flip, and roll into the ditch. 

Paramedics came. I was thinking like a serial killer. I quickly got out of my car and pretended to be a passenger of her car. Family. And that the other guy fled the scene. So I rode the ambulance with her holding her hand but staring deep into her unconscious, closed, eyes with a burning rage. If my eyes could grin, they most certainly did. But I clenched my jaw to make sure no one else could see my devious smile growing.

We got to the hospital and the medics were rushing her away because she started to flat line. Getting her into a surgery theater, I was held back forced to wait. But I couldn’t. The closer she got to death the more fueled I became. I paced back and forth. Plotting and planning. I wandered down the halls that I was allowed until I came to an unmonitored section of doors. I entered a few until I found some white garments to change into. 

Moving my way through the hospital the closer I got to her, or that she veered into death’s embrace, the hospital seemed to shake and quake. Lights flickered and backup generators kicked in after a moment. More rushing of nurses and doctors to other stations. Perfect cover. I found my way to her theater. Empty. I pulled her off and put her in a black body bag and moved her to an empty stretcher. 

I wheeled her down the hall into a morgue room. I unzipped her bag and took a scalpel slicing her throat. She was still unconscious but her eyes fluttered as she tried to wake. There was a hole in the cement. Not sure what for. It looked dark, like sewer drainage or some underground conduit work. I re-zipped the bag and tossed her in. A morgue worker came in just as I finished dropping her. I got lucky when I pretended to just notice the bag down there. He believed it. When he got close enough I stabbed him in the back of the neck and dropped him into the hole as well. 

I remember leaving and being hidden for years. No one understood what happened. After the chaos calmed at the hospital they knew she went missing. But no one knew she had died. I was satisfied that my kills were never uncovered. I thought about killing again or confessing. I planned my interviews even, as well. But decided against it. 

I walked through the park 15 years later when they released a 60 minute documentary on the death of the woman. Biggest mysteries. They did find out that she was killed but didn’t know who. And it was the works of the smartest serial killer. When they found the other body too. There was snow on the ground. Light snow, patches of grass peaked through like a kid spying through the blinds when someone is outside. 

I ended up going to a college and becoming a professor. I met my coworker Amelia. We studied ancient civilizations. We made a huge discovery with the Aztec and Mayan’s dig. We planned to travel to their site. It was strange because we discovered a third civilization beneath the ground that the Mayan’s might have worshiped. I opened the doors to leave my college office and I was immediately in the ruins. 

The sandstone ruins gave way to a much larger type of ruins the deeper we went into the darkness. The Dwemer. Bronze pipes strutted from the walls. We arrived at a small circular room. The Dwemer cogs spun around the room. An eternal clock, like a pocket watch. The spiraling shafts of golden rings twirling in the outer shell of the room. Ever-moving. There’s a small table next to a strange orrery. The table had a few books on it, only one stood out to me. The Enchiridion. A Dwemer epitome. It spoke of where the Dwemer went during the Dwemer Disappearance. They didn’t flee, they left. To another world. A different bubble. It explained how Mundus was created with Lorkhan. But what people didn’t know was Lorkhan’s twin, Maltheus, who created another world of his own. There were Dremora there worse than the ones from Oblivion, back in Mundus.

Dremora are a humanoid form of Daedra. Demons with red and black skin, horns, and their voices are distorted. But the demons on Ethrisdich, one of Maltheus’ planets, were much larger and stronger. Even grew large webbed wings.

The Dwemer don’t know what Maltheus’ realm is called. They never got the chance to talk to the demons. They simply created a gateway to their world, like a Bifröst from Thor. The Dwemer settled on a planet and began to weave their creations deep into the planets’ core. This world became Ethrisdich, the Dwemer fortress. Kagrenac, the architect attuned his tools and used them on the heart to bring his entire race of people to Ethrisdich so that they could fight the evil forces stirring in the deep dark void.

So I activated the switch on the wall near an obvious strutted doorway that seemed to lead to nowhere. The whirring of magical energy hummed through the Dwemer conduits. Sparks of blue energy flickered on what I would imagine to be some type of monitors. Then a violent torrent of sounds burst through the doorway and I could see a large rainbow tunnel where I saw nothing but a wall before.  The bridge is active. Without hesitation I leap through the portal.

On the otherside was a great Dwemer city. Making Clockwork City look like a crack in the Grand Canyon. To my surprise, still empty. I was excited to see a living Dwemer. But like all the ruins back home, this one was vacant. Or so I thought. I searched the town and found nothing. Except when my assistant Amelia came through the portal she brought the Enchiridion. After the pages I read it mentioned how the Dwemer actually just shrunk themselves down. They went to microscopic level and then one again.

The idea was cool at first but I got bored with the concept and decided I’d rather find these new demons they spoke of. Walking through the deserted wasteland of Dwemer homes felt more like SR388, from the Metroid series. Which was ironic because I actually ended up finding cool Iron-man type armor that adjusted perfectly to me and was fitted by large metal arms. While wearing the armor I could even morph down into a ball. Like a Dwemer Sphere. I could climb up walls and roll along the ceiling. It was pretty fun.

I found myself entering a small pit like an arena. It reminded me of the pen from Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. The one with the tree in the middle and the rounded dome glass ceiling. Except this one had a building in the middle that erected in the open space at the center of the room. I climbed on top of the building.

On top was an elegant blue feathered humanoid. I referred to her as a blue angel. She had three black bead eyes. A beak, two large antennae on her head, webbed feathered fingers, and on her wings were two black painted eyes, like a moth. She was beautiful and apparently we fucked. When we climaxed she turned her head and spread her wings wide like an Egyptian mural.

I’m not sure how, but after that I was wearing a golden robe and walking through a park. Everyone I met, I’d bow, putting my fist to my other hand’s palm and greeting them with, “Namaste.” I was a monk I guess. I was walking with my friends. I recognized Zen. I don’t remember the other one.

The Sun set within seconds and the park’s lights lit the path. It took my eyes a moment to adjust and when they did we were just walking among the stars. Zenae was in her swimsuit and jumped into a hottub. I joined her. Except the water was just floating in space. I could see the stars through the water. The pinks and bright colors of nebulae. Our arms hung to the outside of the tub. But just dipped into the cosmos.

We talked all night. The POV just continued to pan out slowly. The sound of her laughter and the distant sound of conversation rippled into the darkness.

I woke up when I couldn’t see anything left.

[brimmsedge]

Lucid Dream: Brimm vs Freddy

The dream starts; I was in a house with my two sisters. First I was in the hallway and they were trying to bowl, like a bowling lane. But a giant baby head would come out of the floor and grow in size; blocking the path. My twin sister gave birth to like six kittens. It was weird. I mean, she was pregnant but when she went behind the closed curtains and they brought out kittens and suddenly she wasn’t preggo. 

Then I went to college, I walked around the campus. It was autumn. Orange blaze lit sky. Scarlet, amber, filled trees. So beautiful. The wind was blowing and drifted the dried flakes across the pavement. Not another soul was there. It felt like my first year at college. No friends, I felt alone. Not that I have friends now. But back then I cared for them. 

I went to philosophy class. Someone was trying to prove god was real because it said so in the bible. I just laughed and said yeah, Harry Potter is real because it says so in the book series. But of course, that type of logic wasn’t accepted. Shamefully I walked out to continue my journey.

I was walking down a dirt road. I had a handheld system that was telling me directions. I was at work I guess, delivering mail. Except on foot. I didn’t recognize the roads so I thought I was lost. I decided to go my own way. Not listening to the voice of the computer. 

I ended up down a housing street. Paved. Like Haddonfield. Typical trees, light posts, fence cliche. The whole 9 yards. I feel like I dream about houses like this a lot. I don’t know why. It was Halloween too. Kids were dressed up with buckets and sacks of candy. I passed by Hermoine and Ron talking. Then I heard a familiar laugh behind me. My body was being forced to keep walking but my head spun on my body completely backwards. 

Hermoine’s face blistered, her body enlarged, and her left hand grew large scissor-like claws. The lights tinted red and walls started to form around me. Normally I’d freak out a bit. Except only one thought entered my mind.

I’m dreaming. 

I grinned immediately. I extended my lucid hand. Grabbing hold of Freddy with telekinesis. His eyes widened. My body lifted from the street and began floating backward slowly. I was disguised as Harry Potter. My black wizard cape defied gravity, moving in an animated way. Almost life-like. I slammed Freddy into the pavement. He tried to enlarge his claw and swipe me, but I lifted my right hand turning his arm into butterflies. Then pressing back into him with my telekinetic force with my extended left hand now. Drilling him deeper into the pavement.

Freddy gains power off fear, he will have no fear here. No power. He made a grave mistake. His face for the first time wore the stain of fear.

“What are you!?” he screamed. Clinging both hands to the edge of the concrete pit he was in. Trying to climb his way out. My body turned into a celestial body of lights and asterisms. My third eye appeared and opened. I began twisting my left hand counter-clockwise. Inducing pain of psychic damage into his mind.

“You fool. I. Am. Brimm.” My multi-octave voice boomed. Kind of like Hide and Seek, by Imogen Heap. No distinct voice seemed dominant. Male, female, young, old, every range of voices behind the one sound.

Confusion now masked the fear. Disbelief too, perhaps. One last attempt, Freddy turned the leaves on the trees to blooded bats and spiders to fly toward me. Another grin and wave of a hand disperse the riddance without effort. All of the entities flowed into my hand. I opened my palm to reveal a small glowing lightning bug. It flew off away from the soon to be warzone. My eyes followed it. Paying no mind to the threat-less opponent.

All was well until my arm vibrated. Bzzzz-Bzzzz. Bzzz-Bzzzz.

The next shock was mine. My eyes darted to my left wrist. No watch. My world was calling me and there was nothing I could do. Freddy saw this and now was his turn to smile.

“Until next time, Dream Demon.” I said.

I woke up to my watch vibrating still. Bzzzz-Bzzzz. Bzzzz-Bzzzz. I swiped the “Awake” option on my watch.

Until next time Freddy.

[brimmsedge]

Dream: Elder Scrolls VII: The Last Mothpriest

The dream starts, on a cobblestone paved road. I was riding on a black horse. Trotting down the path at a slow pace. I’ve got packs of gear piled up on the horse’s rear. My dark draped cloak and hood over my body. There are thin birch trees around me, small patches of grass. Mostly dark colored dirt and rock. My hands are dirt covered as I grip the reins guiding the horse along. My eyes drifted across my surroundings. Their distilled presence gleaming at my arrival. Nothing seemed out of place. Birds and sounds were as they should be. My mind told me I should worry, but my senses brought me peace.

My head gently bobbed to the lingering jog of the shadowed mare. The air was crisp. I felt it still, among my several tunic layers. The morning star, Magnus, just rising above the horizon.  I passed through the last pieces of comfortable terrain before the path removes all green from sight. The Ashlands. I pulled the reins of Shadowmere to a halt atop a lesser peak of the trail. At last. Morrowind. Grey rock and distasteful mushrooms replace the landscape. I pulled up my scarf to cover my mouth, and my hood up, to keep the ash from becoming an annoyance. The next few days of my trek are going to be dreadful.

I passed dead timber, and a few volcanic hotspots. The air was thicker here with a red haze. Not even the grace of Magnus could shine through. Most of the orange light came from the molten rock glowing through the cracks of the Nirn - the Earth. After a few exotic Nix breeds and other animals, I came across the first humanoid lifeform I had seen for days. They wore the familiar Ashlandic goggles and garb that the Dunmer typically wear here. The strange yellow bonemolded armor of the exoskeletons from the harsh insectlike animals that habit these lands. I personally never enjoyed looking like a bug myself.

He or she guided a moaning Guar with a lead through the ash-storm. The dark elf said nothing only looked my way and turned his gaze. Most Dunmer don’t like outsiders, we usually bring trouble. And they’re not wrong this time. I was carrying something that is forbidden and would not sit well in the hands of anyone.

The days before this one were very strange indeed. The warmth of the scroll on my back seemed to respond to me thinking about the events that unfolded prior. I turned my head in paranoia to check on the dark elf, and to ensure my back was completely covered. When the scroll’s power receded, I gave Shadowmere permission to accelerate. The closer I get to Red Mountain, the more anxious I become.

Unlike the many times before this, I would not need a boat to get to Vvardenfell – the island of Morrowind. Since the second explosion of Red Mountain, a small land bridge connected Vvardenfell to the rest of Morrowind’s Stonefalls. Even Skyrim’s old landmass, Solstheim, had been breached. Solstheim, the magical island of Winterhold. I wonder what else had happened that caused Miraak to betray the other Dragon Priests. Was it just the power the he gained with knowledge? Or did Hermaeus Mora promise him something else in return?

The dust breeze that stained my face interrupted my thoughts. I dropped the reins and my hands cast the somatic ritual of a lesser ward. A shielded sphere to cloak me and Shadowmere from the dust. Which, Shadowmere seemed to enjoy greatly. Despite it being almost noon, the sky was growing ever darker. The thicker clouds of gas and dust surrounding Red Mountain. I spotted a nearby mine or cave, getting off and guiding Shado to it for a quick rest and meal. Snapping my fingers to spark a flame to light the fire. I cooked my last Anuik Lizard from Hammerfell. Mixing in a few spices and vegetables. Something told me this would be my last meal, for a while if not forever.

After a few moments, we were back off again. Shadowmere caught in a sprint. Eager to bring me to my destination. Her motivation fueled by my ambition. The bond between us had been short but not shallow. Nocturnal grant me several boons for this journey, yet she said this one was not hers to give. Shado – my nickname for her – had chosen to come to my service. I don’t know what the Aedra or Daedra knew of my mission, but I had more things to worry about.

During the high-tail of Shado, my vision stole me from my reality. Back to the cave I came from. My mind was restless to find answers. So it played it back in my head, again and again, without my will.

I woke up on the floor of a cave. The moons light from Masser and Secunda beamed down onto me through a hole in the ceiling. Tiny water droplets came from above as well. I stood up, my feet, my body ached in a sore pain. There was a puddle under my naked boded as if the water from above had crept in. Had it rained? It wasn’t until I let the light adjust to the cave had I noticed there were several men in front of me. One of them was trying to talk, but I heard nothing. I tried to unplug my ears and the pressure equalized restoring my lost hearing.

“Did it work? What did you see?” the man said. He had a scar over his left eye, short brown buzzed hair, and a small growing beard. Imperial, if I had to guess. The men behind him were definitely Imperial. One Khajiit off to the side, looked mortified.

“W-W-What? Where am I?” I choked out. The man’s eyes widened in fear.

“You don’t remember anything do you?”

“Who are you people? Where are my clothes?”

“Can you tell me your name?” the man insisted on me answering him before he answered any of my questions. When he asked for my name, the point of view pulled around me like a character creation screen. No options it just panned over me. I had long brown hair, but my body was weak and fragile. Like I hadn’t eaten in weeks. The man grabbed at my face. “Can you remember anything? Anything you saw?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know anything.” My eyes glistened in fear. Who were these men? Was I going to die? But another voice answered my question. Not really though.

Climb the Tower.

It spoke in a whispered multi-octave voice. I looked around to see no one else had heard it. The man let go of my face.

“He’s lost it. He’s insane.” He turned to the others.

“You knew this could happen when they read it unprepared. I told you we needed more time.” The men got into an argument. I stopped paying attention. I looked down at my scrawny body. My wrists were red and bruised. I had been tied up here. A prisoner. What were they looking for?

I looked up at them to focus and try to remember. When I did, a glass plane fracture bent and twisted reality before me. Opening a slit in space. A Doctor Strange Mirror dimension looking thing only I could see.

Go! Run! The Tower awaits you!

Without thinking, I trusted this voice with my life. I ran into the small crawl-way the folds in space created for me. It was a tunnel. I could see out, but no one could see in. I went between them, and they shouted something when they had seen me gone. They could move into the tunnel, but the light just bent their image. Their physical form refused to stop me. Yet I could feel the walls of the crystalized structure around me.

Crawling through the cave I saw several small rooms. Other older men like me, some much older, stuck in the rooms. Chained to beds, many had clothes over their eyes. Some rooms were empty just piles of glowing dust. One had a petrified person screaming in pain. What kind of things were they doing here?

I had left. Not knowing who I was or where I came from. My memory broken, and all things I had done were to get myself back. Somehow I had lost myself. Those men took me from myself. I felt like a vestige. A hallowed shell of my former self. This scroll I got, was the key to undoing it. Somehow. I had been following a trail of the Last Mothpriest. The only person left alive to read the scroll. The empire was dead, Morrowind was dead. The Bosmer, wood elves, were nearly extinct. Tamriel was a wasteland. The Psijic Order of high elves left to Summerset to disappear again. The Hist, and the Argonians went mad after the poisoning of the Hist. Killing one another.

Hammerfell, and Elsweyr, the desert provinces became flooded. While it sounds good, the old life there had been driven away. They are growing but the continent remains shattered in pieces. I believe this is the 6th Era. Year 111. There are places were nature strives well, but all of Man and Mer, have been nearly eradicated. Daedra’s work? I don’t know. With my memory, I hope to find out.

This voice inside my head has been guiding me. It allows me to bend reality to a new level of magic I’ve never seen before. Relearning my old magic was easy. My instinctual skills still lingered. Just my personality had been removed. The voice lead me to the Elder Scroll and told me to Return to Red Mountain. And that’s exactly what I’m doing.

I get to the core of Red Mountain, the heart of Vvardenfell. The Ghost Gate surrounding the volcano is scattered and broken. Left. Up. Right. Around the ridge. Straight. The voice guided me until I found a small hole leading into the mountain. The voice was silent, but I knew. I entered the cave. The air was still despite being so close to the ash source. Finally I arrived at a small chamber in the heart of the mountain. A small rounded room with a hole in the middle leading down several hundred feet into the molten core of Red Mountain. This is dangerous. I thought. This room would be flooded if it erupts again. We are directly above it.

“You need not worry about that. She’s quite calm now.” A male voice said. His voice was soft.

There were several sacks of sand for chairs and wooden fittings for a stove, shelves, and beds. Someone was living here. Books aligned on the shelves, stacks of papers haphazardly arranged along the floor, ink wells. He must be a writer. He had a pack of camping gear that he must occasionally take down the mountain to gather food. I spotted the source of the voice. A calm Dunmer with no shirt, just some sack pants sitting cross legged near the center of the room.

“How did you – “ I begin.

“I foresee all things. Are you finally ready to answer the question you keep asking yourself?”

“Who are you though? Are you the Last Mothpriest?”

“My goodness, no.” My heart sank.  “You are.” He continued. My eyes widened.

“What? No. That’s. You’re mistaken.”

“I am not. You don’t mean to tell me that you don’t feel Magnus with you, even now? Guiding you? He speaks to you through the scrolls. His blueprints he left behind. Magnus, the architect of this brilliant world.”

“But that. How? I don’t understand.” Confusion boiled my blood. Was it heat exhaustion? “I need water.” The elf handed me an already-poured cup of water and smiled.

“I don’t want you to waver the calculations of this event. Paarthurnax told me to meet you.

“Who? Paarthurnax?”

“Yes.” His red beady eyes focused on me. I could feel his energy channeling through me. “Yes, Prisoner. Remember your past lives.”

My vision, my spirit, left my body and drifted upward through the throat of the Red mountain into the dark clouds. When it cleared I was walking through the tall grass in a field. Something was coming for my son. He sat there crying. I heard shouting in the distance. The voices were carried across the sky, roaring like thunder. Lightning flashed. I remember the pain, then hearing Magnus’ voice. Or maybe it was the old dunmer from Red Mountain.

“I can’t imagine a background, with so many things, the foreground is just as unclear.”

My point of view followed an angry man. Scar over his left eye. Forcing people to read the Elder Scroll. The power excelled them and exploded his body to dust. The other burned his eyes out and turned his skin to stone. Each trial they learned something new. More and more survived, but still blind or went insane.

Then they found me. I had lived in refuge with my son. I remember both memories. Of being mother and father. Divine balance. My memories came back. One moment I was a female sitting in the chair with blonde hair, blue eyes, the next I was even an Orc. I was many lives. Then finally it got to the vessel I’m in now. Sitting in the chair and the end of the hall. The last room, the last chance.

“I told you, I’m not ready to read the scroll. It’s too dangerous.” I cried.

“Shut up.” He yelled.

“The Scrolls are living things. They can feel the energy of the reader. If you do this in these conditions, you’ll only end in death.” The man chuckled and turned to his friends. My eyes widened. “You’ve already tried, haven’t you? How many will you kill before you realize you cannot rush this process?” The man pulled up a chair, smacking me across the face before sitting in it across from me.

“This is the scroll of Fates. Have you heard of it?” he asked calmly.

“Yes. The scroll to grant one wish. You want power or money. Even if I could read it, I would not grant you a wish.”

“You’re a fool, the scroll grants the location of the scroll that will. I’ll simply read the one after you tell me where it is.”

“You’re the fool. A scroll for a scroll?”

“I’ve had enough.” His friends come to my sides and peel back my eyelids. The Khajiit holds the chair as I toss and turn my body trying to break free. The scarred man stands up, knocking his chair back. He opens the scroll and turns it to me. My eyes dazzle in the power. I watch them turn from a dark green to all black, like a vampire. Except the dazzle stays. It looks like a night sky in my eyes. There are stars twinkling in them. The blackness encompasses every crack of the eyes. I see many things as the scroll begins to speak to me.

My mouth ripped open and I screamed as its energy surged through me. A violent beam of white light bursted through the ceiling knocking everyone back. The men scrambled to their feet, going back to the entrance of the room behind the scarred man. The Khajjit fell back as the chair turned to rubble underneath me. My clothes burned away along with the bindings over my wrists and feet. The newly recruited Khajiit, appeared a little in-over-his-head. He joins the others wearing his fear paralyzed face.

The room was quite as they stared at my limb body. The clouds above let down a cry from the heavens.

“Is, is he dead?”

“I don’t know, you go check!” the scarred man shoved one of the others towards me. But fear shook him too, he cowered in the back.

“This has never happened before.” The scarred man said. His eyes burst open with concern. “Where’s the scroll?!” he yelled. The men looked around the room for it but found no trace. The rain started for form a small puddle around the cold body of the Last Mothpriest.

“Should one of us check on him?” the Khajiit asked.

“Yeah, and explode too? No thanks.”

The rain stopped and just as the men gave up and turned to leave they heard a gasp for air. The priest was awake.

I remembered it all now. My vision returned to the Dunmer and his small rounded room. Still smiling he offered me another cup of water. I didn’t remember drinking mine, but my thirst was quenched a little more.

“The scroll does grant a wish. You can fix all this. No Aedra, or Daedra can stop you. You’re the last person who can read it. Go back. Stop this cataclysm from ever happening. Save the world.”

“I saw myself live a thousand lifetimes. How?”

“You’re the Prisoner. The 14th Celestial. The hidden one. It’s your duty to climb the Tower of reality. To dismantle it. It matters not what race you choose, what gender, or your weapon of choice. What matters is that you save the world. The 15th Celestial ensures that you do.”

“What’s the 15th Celestial?”

“The Moth. The Prisoner escapes, fights the Warrior protecting the Tower. Climbs the Tower, escaping the Serpent of Dragons. The Lord and Lady, Life and Death, Anu and Padomay. The Apprentice, Magnus, the son of the two. The Thief of Lorkhan who tricked the Aedra into giving their lives for Mundus. It’s all a story of the Aurbis wheel. The entire world is an Arena. The wheel turns and every story plays out. A thousand times, you’ve played this game. A thousand times, you’ve saved the day. It’s your purpose. Your destiny. The Prisoner must. It’s the Ritual of life. The only way to exist between life and death.”

“I’ve felt it all along. You must be right. I think it’s time I saved everyone again.” I said, pulling out the scroll from my back. I open it without question or hesitation.

The scroll’s blank visage takes me for a moment before it comes to life. My perception of reality bending inward, sinking into the page like a black hole. My space and body distorts within. I see all things. I see the wheel. I see the game for what it is. In this darkness everything is whole. The Godhead is here. The blueprints of ideas. Ideas that each Prisoner is based on. The Dragon, the Sun. The Sick, the fated. The Oblivion.

I don’t know why, or how. But I begin to cry. But sorrow holds no reins over me. I cry to finally see the beauty of it all. Life and death, work so hard to give us this balance in between. The perfect space. My vision goes black. I hear.

Tears are deadly comfortable behind closed doors. Then I wake up.

[brimmsedge]

Dream: Memorial Hospital

The dream starts, as you would think, in a hospital. Blue walls, white floors. Dark colored ceiling. Felt more like a Psyche Ward. There was no one else inside. Just me, left alone to wander the halls. To my brilliant surprise, in a few rooms were past memories. People from my past. 

There was a chill hum in the air. A mellow tune as I walked by each door. A room with me in bed and my family around it as a child. First being born. Then when I broke my arm. Each time I passed a room there were less and less people. Then there was no one. Just laying in a hospital bed, tears in my eyes, no flowers, nothing. 

I started to see rooms with the people of my life. First rooms were a few friends. Then I passed Violet laying in her bed; sick. I didn’t enter. I did stop walking for the first time. I stared at her. There had to be a barrier or something because no one ever looked into the hall where I was. No one ever saw me. I just stared at her. Her eyes were glossy, she had been crying too. I wanted to step in, I wanted to call out. But I didn’t. I turned away and didn’t look back. 

Each room, different time in life. Even Okara, back when I thought I had tons of friends we all hungout with her. All the friends were in the room with her bed-ridden self. She had the biggest smile on her face. Eyes wide open looking at her friends. I even passed another Violet. This one was after. Who she is now, who she became. Almost unrecognizable. This one fixed her eyes on me as I passed. He smile slowly faded. Her eyes just watched me pass. I didn’t stop for that one. 

My eyes dropped to my feet. I passed the next few doors just listening to the voices trying to guess who was in each one. Michelle, Ashley, Hope, Moonblade, and a few others. Everyone who left me. Rose too. Valea. 

 Then I reached the end of the hall. Winter was in one room. Only one more door to check. I stopped to peer into Winter’s room. She was standing up facing out the window. Her outside was a graveyard, despite all the other windows showing cities and lights. I stepped into the room. I opened my mouth but no words came out. My stomach churned and the lights dimmed, shadows grew from the corners of the room. 

I took a step back into the hall and watched everything return to normal. 

“Let it go.” a darkened voice seeps into my head. 

I turn to the room at the end. I enter. This room is the biggest. It’s also a mess. Trashed with broken glass, flowers, medical trays and equipment, clothes, and other debris. There’s blood on the bed and foot steps that lead away. But I find no one. There’s a picture of her on the stand near the bed with the few pieces of equipment and machines still untouched by the havoc. 

Zenae. 

But of all the things to remember now. The pictures aren’t of Zen. They are of her. The real thing that lives and breathes in my world. This thing Zen has tried to become. I turn when I see someone in my peripheral. Just a mannequin. The room is full of them now. The floor is clean. Except for the blood on the bed. I walk among the rows of faceless peers. I make it through the maze and find another bed. I think I walked in circles, same bed, windows everything, but when I turn around the bloody one is still behind me. 

Zen is crawled up in this one. Crying, shaking scared. I reach my hand out to touch her. But I stop. 

“Let it go. Let her go.”

I look to the picture frame that’s at her side. Her family, her friends. 

I pull away. She doesn’t seem to notice. 

No, that’s not you. I tell myself. 

This life, this thing I wanted you to be. It’s destroying me, can’t you see? The thoughts, I think too much. Flashing lights, riptides of memories come crashing over me. I’m pulled underwater of lights and all the garbage in my life. I’m drowning trying to reach out, but I grab another piece of trash. Telephones, teddy bears, bras and underwear. Booze and pills. Mannequin parts of people. Flesh and bones. The murky dark water turns to blood. 

People saying things all staring down at me. Like a lifetime of people staring over me watching as the toilet flushes. Except it’s my life and everything I filled it with. Spiraling down, out of control. When all I really wanted a hold. Despite all the lack of love I get, there’s still so much left for me to give. 

I choke, I try to speak but I don’t. I don’t think I’ll make it out this time. The warm liquid fills my lungs after I’m done. I breathe. Is this what death feels like? Comforting? My vision goes black.

I feel my eyes closed. I open them, I see myself staring into the darkness of my room. I woke up. 

[brimmsedge]

Dream: The Cure

The dream starts, I was with two others. Detective Tapp from Saw, and someone who was supposed to be Amanda Young. But she was Elsie Hughes from Westworld. We were in a very futuristic city. It reminded me of Boardwalk from Halo: Reach. Tapp and Elsie were marines and I think I was a spartan. We were crouching and sneaking through the barren city. I could tell it was in the future because there were no wires. The whole city was hidden behind giant shiny white conduit panels.

There were holographic thin panels instead of posters or ads. As we moved through the city it started to become like XCOM where I had to move each soldier carefully uncovering the fog. I remember running out of cover and I didn’t want to use dash. But I had to. 

Slowly but surely I made it to one of the inner sanctums of a building. It reminded me a lot of the Synth Institute. Lots of glass, smooth panels, and thin screens. I work my way to some type of small assembly line. On one of the docking pads there’s Paul Rudd, as Antman. He’s missing a few limbs and hooked up to machines. I press a few buttons on the control panel to bring his platform to me. A voice called out to me as I did.

“You made a big mistake coming here.” It was Benedict Cumberbatch’s Stephen Strange. His voice was coming from an unknown source.

“So what’s the next part of you plan here, chief?” Robert Downy Jr, as Iron man was behind me in his Iron suit with the head piece off. His hand was extended ready to shoot.

“You want me to have some fun?” I heard Cortana say. I scan my potential threats and the rest of the room. Iron man is no match for an 8 foot tall super soldier in an energy suit. It’s like putting Steve Rogers in a suit, except weapon of choice isn’t a trash can lid, it’s advanced military weapons. Cortana could just shut down Jarvis and then Tony is left with a tin can suit. But I don’t know where Strange is.

“Stand down, Chief. Last warning.” He could tell I was planning something that wasn’t surrender.

“You have no idea what’s going on, and I don’t have time to explain.” I said raising my hand over another button. I heard the slow ion charging of Stark’s energy levels. But before he could fire, Scott Lang, the Antman spoke. Lifting his head from the platform to see what intrusion woke him.

“You here to kill me?”

“No, Lang. I just need your blood sample.” I replied.

“Why?”

“Don’t listen to him, Scott.” Tony snapped.

“I have a friend who is not well and your blood can save him.” I said, ignoring Tony.

“Then take it.”

“Scott, you don’t know what you’re doing.” Tony said again raising his other hand.

“Tony, listen. I remember what happened to me. There was something off about him. It’s just a little blood.”

Tony put his hands down and I pressed the extraction button. The automated machine pulled a sample of his blood into a portable vial in a matter of seconds. I grab the vial and Cortana updates me on the location of my friend.

“We’re gonna need more firepower, Chief.” She says.

“Tony, Strange, I’m gonna need all the help I can get. My friend is not in a good place. You in?” I ask.

Tony hesitates but knows it’s the right thing to do. He nods, and Strange comes out from some illusionary mirror plane.

We make our way across the city to the harbor. Except it’s not a boat place it’s a spaceship place. Kind of like the spaceships from Treaure Planet. They are boats with sails but also spaceships. As soon as we arrive a dark blur comes sweeping in and knocks me to the ground. Standing over me is about a 12 foot Batman. Ripped too. It looked more like a black skinned Hulk with a hat piece and cape. He threw us around, Iron man took off and began shooting and making runs. Stephen started his Crimson bands and shields protecting us and trying to dismantle the giant bat. I began fighting and holding back. Much like Steve Rogers against Thanos. He was much larger but being an 8 foot tall Spartan, I was able to hold my ground a lot.

Eventually we turned the tide of battle, I pulled a Black Widow crazy ass martial arts move and flipped my way up his body and injected the vial of blood into him. His body violently reacted. I pulled off the mask to see his face. His face recoiled in pain and veins bulged from his body. His eyes were black with yellow irises. He grabbed me and threw me in one last desperate flail. He staggered back and fell. His eyes popped from his body and it began to shrink in size. I squashed the squirming eyes with my foot as they tried to escape.

When the body receded, Superman was left sitting in a pool of black liquid. Much like the Symbiote, like Venom.

“How long have I been Batman?” he asked.

“Too long, old friend.” I said, kneeling down to comfort him and take his hand.

After I left I don’t remember much but I was in a Farmville type land. We were outside the city. But the crops were small sized plot lands and crops grew instantly and was soiled instantly. Each person had their own 6 foot by 6 foot land. Once Batman was dead the citizens came out from hiding and starting living again. 

I remember walking into the horizon. Wind blowing through my long hair. My spartan suit was gone. But nor do I even remember having it on. I look down at my hands. I could feel something wrong. But like a cliff-hanger movie. I felt one last beat of drums. Before I looked up and woke up before I could see what the next chapter of my journey awaited. 

When I woke up, I checked my phone. It was 5:21 AM. I had several messages from Zenae. They were lyrics. She was singing to me, screaming to me. And there were Youtube links to songs.

Almost Good - by Frettel

Cops or Pigs - Or

Cops and Dogs. Hard to remember by some rapper. I wanna say 6lack but no idea.

Autumn’s Love - 

7 long years - by Mojave Vice

Then I woke up for real. No messages. No lyrics. No links.

Sadly, none of these songs are real. I’ve searched different names to different artists and even the lyrics. So sad..

[brimmsedge]

Dream: Winter’s Bane

The dream starts, in a suburb on the edge of a city. I got a house with my newly wed wife, Winter. Blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes. They reminded me of a coming storm. They had a murky grey haze to them. Like a looming shadow. We were having a block party. Neighbors coming over to celebrate. Banners, ribbons, food, plastic knives and matching napkins. 

Winter was wearing a beautiful lace black dress. I had dress pants, and dress shirt on. Sleeves rolled up. I think we got back from a wedding or something. Lots of formal clothes. 

I don’t remember much but I went out to the garage to check on you. You were getting more ice from the freezer. But there was a robe holding the lid open and we couldn’t close it. We kept goofing off like we were on drugs. I joking started to eat the rope but it worked. I’m not sure why we couldn’t use scissors. But we wanted to find the most ridiculous ways to cut the rope. 

We kept making dumb faces when each person attempted their ludicrous idea on the rope, like, “Oh maybe this one will work.” but only wearing our faces. Sometimes they were faces like “the rope might explode 12 city blocks; so be cautious.” We’d hold our breath and then smack it around when it wouldn’t work we’d try another object. We’d look at each other like, “Damn I really thought this cork was gonna work.”

I have no idea why it was so funny, but it was so blissfully innocent. Not a care in the world. No worries about the party in OUR house. Not what someone would think if they found us. Not about war, poverty. Just a little piece of heaven in every day moments. 

I remember pulling her away from the string when she finally pretended to be mad and actually wanted to cut the rope. My arms swung around her stomach and gently pulled her back into me. Her back against my chest and my hands around her waist. She just smiled and accepted  defeat. Turning her head to look back to me as best she could. Laying her head against my chest. I lowered my head and chin to rest my head on hers. 

Time jumps forward to winter; the season. And we just get home from grocery shopping. It’s strange because most of the dream is not spoken. No words just humming pitches of music and normal sounds. I hear the paper bags that hold our vegetables in them crinkling each time I re-position it on my lap. Winter was driving our mini-van. Yeah, that’s the life. lol Except we had the back 4 seats removed and there’s just a bunch of blankets to make a bed. There’s chocolate wrappers and boots to tell me that we take the van someone and go camping and end up sleeping in the car. 

We sit in the back with the trunk open, our bare feet sticking out as we watch the thousand sunsets as if they were our last. We’d hold hands and never get tired of our love. Even if we don’t have things to say, we never let it get in the way of our affection. Sometimes we don’t say “I love you” we switch it up. “I admire you” “I adore you” “I cherish you” “I am fond of you” “I appreciate you” “Eat shit, faggot” The simple things.

The vibe that nothing we say will tear us apart. We disagree sometimes, but not all disagreements are arguments. We would face any problem as us versus it. Not us versus each other. Arguments only brought us closer because we knew that there wasn’t a single drop of doubt. If either of us was thinking something we’d say it. Neither of us worried about lies or cheating. 

Life is about compromise. And neither of us wanted to control the other. I told her if she wanted to go out, get naked, and let guys do jello shots our of her belly button that’s fine. But I would want to compromise. Maybe not naked, maybe not guys. Maybe one guy. I would never tell her it’s okay to go out like that, or completely not to. We would just compromise. She would never do anything that silly. But it was an example I gave her. 

Even sometimes we would be sitting in our living room with guests over. We’d sit across the room. We wouldn’t be all over each other. But we’d just stare, using our eyes to fall in love, all over again. I would go with maybe the two guys and we’d talk in the garage about stupid shit and Winter and the girls would go in the kitchen to get more wine. We would meet up later acting like strangers. “Hey cutie, you come here often?” 

Of course, we’d get sick of people. We’d close all the blinds and not leave the house for three days. Cooped up, wrapped in blankets, haven’t showered in a day, headset on, she would be screaming at her teammates when she dies playing her shooter games. I’d be next to her playing my games. Pausing it sometimes or just staring at her during loading screens. 

Later that night, I would shut off my game and stare at her. Slowly getting closer to her face like a shark. She would see me, quickly look with just her eyes then back to the game. Violently tapping her buttons. I’d get so close to kissing her cheek. She’d wait for it but still concentrating on her game. I would gently brush my lips to her cheek but not kiss her and whisper in her ear. “Come on, we need to shower.” 

She’d turn to me, dying in her game but not caring, almost pretend offended that I didn’t kiss her cheek. Then she’d pucker up her lips. “Not without a kiss first” She’d say. I’d get up and scream nope, running to the bathroom. “WHAAAAAAAAAA?” She’d scream after me, taking little steps making sure not to catch up to me too fast. I’d hear her footsteps getting closer and start laughing nervously. Stripping away my clothes trying to hide within the protection of the shower’s water. 

The house would go quiet and then she’d pull the curtains aside and get into the shower. We kiss, and she embraces her naked body against mine. I turn so that she gets some warm water too. Her hands wrapped around my back. Lightly moving her fingers against my skin. 

We crawl into bed and set alarms for work tomorrow morning. I woke up early like I usually do. I kiss Winter on the head and head to the kitchen to make breakfast and coffee. I look outside and see it snowed overnight. No way out of the driveway and it’s still snowing. Looks like we aren’t going anywhere. I hear my neighbor plowing our driveway. 

I head outside and I ask him what he’s doing. He says, “Trimming your hedges. They’re getting too long.” Then his snow blower turns into a lawn mower, and he’s cutting the snow and the grass underneath it. Except there’s no grass just very large pink flowers. Bright yellow lightning floods the sky. There’s no snow anymore. It’s the same stormy summer night as our block party. I look back and my neighbor is gone. 

A storm to pass? The memories try to flood back. Was Winter ever really here? Or just in my mind? Awake now, the metaphor is crazy. I try hard to think and my dream collapses. I wake up. 

[brimmsedge]

Dream: Zentai-Aecus

The dream starts, with a flutter of images. Zenae and I. Faces, kisses, candles, rose petals, lantern lights, tent holes, laughter, Polaroid pictures, Lake-side sunsets, feet in the water on docks, morning cuddles, lazy days in bed, reading books, she keeps peeping out from behind the pages and grinning at me. Hand holding, forehead kisses, drunk dancing under bead lights, a forever smile of her face stained on me heart. 

Then the smiles fade, flashes of war. Bombs, fire, huddling close, broken buildings, planes dropping bombs. Then there’s a scene with the camera paning back. Zenae is crying in a broken building wearing a dirty white dress, lying on the ground. I see me in pain, I see the same war pictures again. This time there’s a shadow looming in them and winning the war. When it gets to the scene with Zenae on the ground, I find nothing. The same broken building, the spot where she laid was still mounded up. But she was nowhere to be found.

There’s static and the vision fades to black. The black opens like eyelids. I find myself in a small room. My arms, legs, are not my own. Deformed, distorted. The room is walled by 4 pillars of light. The floor is grey, everything else is darkness or a shade of. Nothing in the room. I’m able to see my reflection in the wall of light. I don’t recognize the person staring back. I never do but this time was more so. I had horns and my glowing eyes again. A demon. As I realize it, my wings twitch in my peripherals and I realize I can move them.

I put my hand on the wall. It’s warm but solid. No cracks. My mind flashes again but it’s not bodiless this time. I bring my hand to my face to cover my eyes. As if that would ease the pain. “Zenae?” I cry. I don’t remember crying but my hands and face started to get wet. “How long have I been here?” The camera zooms out. Showing how much darkness surrounds this cage. It feels like an ocean of shadow. Nothing for miles. I stare up to see the source of light that projects the walls but as I do the white takes me.

I wake up from Zenae’s point of view. But the camera becomes her and then becomes about her. So she’s the focus of attention but I am not her. She’s in a broken down shack. The best way to describe how she looks is like she leveled up. When she was in love before and in the broken dress that was like level 0 and level 1 in the dress. Now she’s level 56 or so. She’s older and fierce. It reminded me of the Fallout series. She had water purifiers and scattered materials around her shack. The Sun broke in through stray rays of light in the holes of the rustic walls. She started making breakfast and looking outside to the unrecognizable wasteland. 

A small boy ran up glad to see she was awake. Two older men but younger than her, or just lower level, came up to her holding their own sacks of food. Asking if they could join her. She said yes and the camera zoomed out to show a small compound of about 30 people. The hustle of early morning workers. When they finish eating a professor comes in, knocking on the door frame beforehand, though there is no door. 

Zenae was washing a dish, turned to look and nodded in approval. The old man carried scrolls of paper and an odd device, probably something he created himself to read the digital information. 

“I’ve been finding more information about your condition. If you’re interested.” he spoke softly but loud for being in the morning. It shook her a little but she smiled.

“Always. Are you any closer to finding a cure?”

“That’s the problem, we’ve been trying to view your condition as a disease but it’s just a manifestation. There are data logs of a temple buried not far from our campment here a little west of the tombs we visited last week. It’s so close I’m surprised we missed it. The jungle here was made to encase these ruins. I made the mistake of thinking the temples were built after. These logs show otherwise. Could you imagine? Someone building a forest around a home. Instead of going to the forest to build a home. It would have taken hundreds of years to make.”

“10,000 years give or take.” she answered looking into his eyes, pausing to let the number take its toll before continuing. “There were a lot of strange things that happened during the war. My change wasn’t supposed to be one of them. I told you, I just woke up this way. I never asked for this. I just want to die like a normal person.”

“I do wish you’d let us study you more, maybe allow for humans to understand the genome of longevity.”

“It’s a curse, not a blessing to watch everything you love die.” she responded fiercely. No longer looking at him but a blank stare burning into the table. 

“Well, let’s get going then.” He said, standing up from the table. The smaller kids were staring in anticipation. I could almost see her white angel wings flutter up and fold behind her back. Though at the time thought it was my imagination. 

They pack up and head to the site. A small team of 10 people carried equipment through the vicious, unwelcoming paths of the forest. The ruins were that of stone and technology. Probably similar to the place she went to before where the old professor got his information. The first few rooms were broken terminals of sorts. Bert, the professor said not to pay any attention to them. Most valuable computers will be in offices. Lobby terminals are most likely for any guests.

She nodded and pushed forward. My point of view went a few feet in front of her, and for a brief moment as she passed, she almost looked right at me. Like she could sense me. But saw nothing so kept moving. The winding corridors of stone and wires lead the way. A few lights hooked to generators still spurred. Luckily there was no real threats left in the place. A few large cat tigers, cats but dog size, but not as large as real tigers. Although, they had teeth that left their sides of the mouth occupied the lower areas, but didn’t pose much of a threat. There were two puzzle rooms that startled Zen.

“Bert, why would a place of technology resort to such archaic methods of security?” she asked.

“Perhaps in case of a power outage. The system would still work. Though, by the looks of this place, seems out of place. You’re right. Unless, the makers were anticipating nuclear fallout. Be careful ahead.”

Zenae moved the stone pillars and rotating pieces along the wall and solved the puzzle before I even knew what it was about. She was always so witty. The next room had clean stone. No one had really opened it in a long time. There were carvings in a different language and a strange altar in the middle of the room. 

“What do you make of this Bert?”

“I’m not sure. I can translate the wall before we try to solve this one.” He took out his strange device and starting imputing the data. Zenae continued to stare at the wall as if the translation would come to her with the passage of time. It didn’t take long before his machine beeped and he exclaimed. “It says, ‘A time of friend; the burning within. The heartache of love; sent from above. Tether the bonds; don’t sever the bones. No time to run, the fire is blood.’“

Zen’s head turned with an eyebrow raised. “I don’t suppose you know what the hell that means?”

“The burning within, hope? Sent from above, that’s you.”

“Not funny.” her eyes narrowed. 

“I’m not trying to be funny. You said it before, you’ve seen your white wings. Your golden skin. Radiating presence. Angels don’t die. You were sent to aid us after the war. Help humanity reclaim what we lost.”

“Heartache from above?” she asked.

“I don’t know. But if the fire is blood, and the burning within a friend of time? Tether the bonds. I think we need the blood of a friend of yours.”

“Well you’re out of luck. Unless you know of any 10 thousand year old souls roaming around.” she laughed. But Bert just frowned, disheartened by her joke and the reality it would mean. No cure.

“Actually there might be.” one of the younger round fellows who had just been there for equipment purposes and backup spoke up. His voice uncertain in the company of the renowned Zenae of Coldharbour. The angel sent from above. All her skills have been honed over the 10 thousand years she’s been aiding in the recovery of man. 10 thousand years after the war ended. Gathering lost survivors and starting settlements. All while searching for a cure to her blessing. 

“There’s an old tale, my mother used to tell me. Caeles, the Suffering.” 

“That old bed time story? Jeez, Chaed, why not tell her about the woman who lived in the giant shoe too.” his friend teased. But Chaed, the rounded boy didn’t smile. His heart believed it, and Zen’s face matched his concern.

“Go on, Chaed.” She looked to Bert who picked up the story.

“Caeles may have been real though we have no proof of it. He was a martyr. Someone who turned himself into some type of weapon to end the war. Rumors of government experiments. Some say he was the devil or death incarnate.” 

“I remember the tales. What of it though?” she replied.

“It was said he was imprisoned by God for being an abomination. Left in a cage to rot. A Prometheus of sorts. Left to die every day for his sins. If he still lives, if the story is true, that would make him your age about. From before the war.” Bert continued.

“Where would we even find a prison like that? Wouldn’t it be in heaven? It’s just a dumb story.” the other boy responded again.

“It’s not!” the rounded boy yelled. “We have an angel right there and you’re going to deny that heaven and hell exist? That with all the sights of Zenae, you’re going to remove the possibility that a demon is here on Earth too?”

Zen’s attention peaked. Why hadn’t she thought about it before? Could there be someone from before the war. And what would the chances that they would be a friend to her?

“I might have a clue. A few years back, my father heard people talking about the Howling from Yellowstone. Travelers were passing through to find good resources for a new settlement. But there’s a creature there in the caves that howls and screams in agony all night. No one can sleep and they are terrified it will eat them alive. At first I thought it was nothing. But I found this journal in the last tomb we went in. It speaks of the Howling but from 50 years ago or so. Still howling. I think the prison is there. Somewhere.” Chaed finished. 

“Kid, you would have loved Bigfoot.” Zenae smiled. Bert laughed for he knew the reference. But the others didn’t nor did the kids. They only bore the mask of confusion. 

My face still shimmered in the water-like walls of light. It was clearer than a golden-holy light. Memories flooded back as I paced back and forth in my prison. I remember more of the war. Removing my heart to become this thing. The gift to end the war. The suffering. But in order to stop the world from suffering, it was placed on me. All I had to do was end the fighting. 

The hole in my chest ached. My grey skin darkened around the hole where my heart was. There was a dark red color but it seemed to shine like a tattoo. Definitely not blood. The red had seeped out the hole and began to spread over my chest like roots. Small ones. My demonic wings wrapped around my arms as I slumped to the floor with my back against the wall. 

My face was wet again. But no crying. Maybe my face was numb because I was always crying. Always suffering. The floor would wet with my tears but dry shortly after. The heat from the energy was great within the walls. Someone was using great power to keep me here. 

“Zenae.” I whispered. “I’ll surrender my love for you. It’s all I got but I’ll let it go.” Memories flashed. Of the war. Of Zen. Her suffering. I remembered our love. Our dates. An entire lifetime. Then the war that drove us apart. I couldn’t just sit by and watch her suffer. She lost her family, her friends. All we had was each other but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t strong enough. 

So I left to end the war. I made a deal with God, though it wasn’t the God. I know that now. Two gods, of light and darkness. I made my deal with the dark. I would give my heart to Zenae to keep her safe, and in return I would wreak havoc and restore peace to the world. Little had I know, I was being used as a weapon. Killing everyone, both sides indiscriminately. I was the embodiment of their suffering but I also caused it. So much death. It wasn’t until there was nothing left but me that God came down and locked me away. 

I’ve been here since. Trying to let go. But without my heart, I can’t. The only thing to do is stare at the walls thinking about Zenae. The happiness, the sadness. The love. Oh but the butterflies in my stomach have died. This time I could feel myself crying, but sobbing too. My mouth opened and I let out unnatural long screams of agony. Suffering. Do I truly deserve this pain?

“Yellowstone is a dangerous place now.” Bert started. “The Volcano is dormant or dead now. No one knows. But there are many cracks of seeping heat from below. “

The land around the volcano was flourishing. It seemed untouched by the fallout. Bright pinks, whites, and yellow flowers. It felt like a paradise. A garden. But a trap to lure people in. Tons of unfettered trees, natural springs, and wildlife. As soon as they arrived they could hear distant howling. 

“Now that we’re hear I can’t believe the morons in the world that are left. This is just the wind. Pressure from the volcanic cracks from below. High pressure to low pressure. Sorry to disappoint kid.” 

Everyone dropped their bags and started to make camp for the night. There were a few hours until dusk but not enough time to start exploring the caves without a good shelter. Tents went up, drying lines were hung. Lots of wet, sweaty clothes and used tools to be washed. A few others made dinner, while some collected firewood. Zenae stared into the sunset. It felt bleached. More color than normal. Bert said this wasn’t the place, but her heart was telling her otherwise. But she couldn’t put her finger on it. 

She didn’t have to. Once the Sun dipped below the horizon she heard it. A cry. Howling wasn’t the right word. This being is crying. The ‘Suffering’ part made sense. She stood up from her chair. They others were all gathered around the fire trying to make fun of the trip out here and not letting Bert and/or the lack of Caeles’ prison get them down. Determined to have a good time no matter where the road takes them. 

No one else heard it, they just watched Zen rise up from her chair with a look of a ghost on her face. “Zen? You okay?” Bert said, almost embarrassed by her outburst. Just using his eyes to stare at her standing figure without moving his head from the focus of the dancing fire. 

“Did you hear it?” she asked while her eyes scanned the horizon, trying to hear it again and find the direction of the source. 

“Hear what? Are you playing games? Ghost stories of the Howling for the kids? They need rest, I don’t think this is the time or place for-” before he could finish he heard it. He stopped mid-sentence and stood up too letting the blanket he had wrapped around him drop into his chair. He began looking for the source too. 

“I’m not crazy, and I can’t believe it kid, but you were right. Caeles is real. Which means we are one step closer to the cure. And that it might even be possible.” She looked down to him and gave him a friendly, and respectful smile. 

One last scream woke the two others who had started to get sleep early. Everyone got up and Zen had the direction. She grabbed some lights and equipment and started off. Bert was stumbling but shortly behind her.  Some stayed behind. A trail of flashlights and green glowsticks lit the night. 

No other cries came. So they made another camp. And a few scouted back to bring word to the other camp so that they could migrate there. Each night and sometimes in the day they would hear the cries and search for the source. During the day was harder because the wildlife in the area was so loud. Unlike other parts of the wasted world, animals were scarce. Here, bears, birds, woodpeckers roamed wildly. Though the bears were not aggressive. They were most passive than the deer. They’d stand up and watch the group pass by and pounce their head with excitement. 

It was strange for Zen to see, a place with such a terrible creature but so peaceful. Hardly any of the animals were skittish. Some of the deer would appear angry and face the group. But rabbits and small rodents would approach the path and say hello. Many were curious of the visitors. 

One night they found it. Zen was trying to rest. She had hardly slept the entire time she got there. Afraid she’d miss one of his calls. Her heart would sink each time it called out. At first she had heard the howls. But each time she heard more of the agony behind the cries. It became less and less monstrous and more human. She felt bad at the idea of someone locked away for 10 thousand years all alone. 

Zen heard the call and it woke her from the sleep. This one was louder than the rest. Or maybe they were closer. But she could feel her heartbeat shaking her body. Something in her resonated. She was starting to feel that bond the poem spoke of. Could they be a friend? Could this really work?

The cry lead them to a rough cave entrance at the side of a mountain. There were lots of cracks for the steam from the volcano to let out. That’s where the cries come from, she thought. Each crack was a vent that lead to the same place. She’d imagined they had passed this spot several times. 

Not wasting any time she entered the cave. At first she was doubting her find. It was just a cave. Except at the back there was a wooden trap door. Human structure would be a prison of God’s will? Everyone funneled down into another strange ruin. Same model as before. No doubt made by the same people. No terminals though. This one she learned early was a maze. One of the archaic defense mechanisms. Booby-trapped too. 

A few times Zen’s faster reflexes had stopped a lethal action against her allies. When they finally got lost Zen closed her eyes trying to clear her head of frustration. But to her surprise it wasn’t black. It wasn’t the dark of her eye lids. It was white. And she could see. She opened her eyes to see the dark torch-lit halls of the maze. 

Bert saw her closing her eyes and looking around and tried doing the same though it didn’t appear to have the same effect. “What is it Zenae?”

“I can see. A different part of the maze. Maybe this maze isn’t made for our senses.” The other members also tried closing their eyes to see and failed. 

They made it to the entrance using her new ability. This time she could see words that are not written in the waking world. “Halls of Egress.” she spoke. 

“Egress?” Bert asked. 

“Exit. Basically. The action of coming out; more specifically.” Zen replied.

“But we don’t want to leave, we want to go deeper.”

“I don’t think this message was for us. Maybe for the Howling?” she asked.

“Perhaps.” 

Zen looked further into the maze and could see new markings with arrows. She followed the path this time there were new choices. When she opened her eyes they were walls. But with her eyes closed the way was open. Seeing Bert watch his friend walk through a wall was amazing. He nearly shit himself. He tried to warn her she was going to hit the wall but the words stumbled into an avalanche of utter sounds followed by surprised sounds and scientific awe

Eventually the path led them to a dead end. But the arrow pointed down to the floor. She opened her eyes and saw nothing, closed she saw nothing too. 

“I think it’s below us. We have anything to break the stone?”

“How long has it been? Hours? Days? Years...” I’m back to pacing the room. Dragging my dark claw-like nails against the walls. The energy sizzles and pops but shows no wear. I just enjoy the sound of something rather than my own madness. 

But what’s this new feeling. I look up to the light. I feel a heartbeat pounding through these walls. Above me. Something is coming for me. I’m not going down without a fight. Has God come to finish me off? Had he forgotten about me? What about the Dark God? Or did he get what he bargained for?

I feel the weight of the light thicken. “For those who passed before and died, upholding faith for more; inside they’ve torn.” I said staring up into the light and the ceiling seemed to stop projecting the Everlight onto me. Everything went dark. Then a new light shown down a few meters away from my cage. I saw an unfamiliar stone floor. I tried looking up but couldn’t see much. Then another light dismissed the shadows. Followed by a rope and people. 

Eagerly I stepped to the wall, as close as I could to get a glimpse of this life. When the first body landed the room’s torches lit themselves. Much smaller than I’d seen. I saw an endless sea of grey and darkness. How is this possible? But from the darkness came something I had not expected. 

“Eden?” a familiar voice called to me. Her voice to my ears made them twitch and made me take a half-step back. Zenae stepped into the light made resonating from somewhere in the cage I was in. Maybe the walls? Despite the walls giving off light, they were still crystal clear. 

“Z-Zen...” I tried to speak but I choked on the words.

“No fucking way.” one of the others said. “You do. You actually know him.” But neither my or your gaze left each other’s eyes. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“What are you doing here? How?” I asked.

“You... you’re the demon.” there was an awkward silence where the questions left unanswered. 

Bert stepped forward. “Ahem.” He cleared his throat to break the tension. “My name is Albert Raccino. I’m a thing of a scholar of the old world. I met your friend Zen here and she has helped us restore humanity to a fragment of what it used to be. She’s s great spirit and an angel of the Lord. She’s come here for your blood. We need it to enter the sanctum where her cure might await. She no longer wants to be this creature.”

Zen gave him a glare but lifted it because it was true. But my look of shock. to find out an angel and demon in love. “This is no coincidence.” I stepped away from the wall. 

“What is?” Zen asked. 

“Demon and angel. I told him to keep you safe. Why would he do this?” I turned away. “How did you become this?”

“I don’t exactly remember. I had a dream about someone feeding me a heart of pure light and I woke up like this. I had wings for a while too and they come and go.”

“A heart?” I asked, turning to her. :”No... You sick fuck.” I screamed to the ceiling of the room. 

“What? What did you do?”

“To become this demon I gave my heart away. To keep you safe. Don’t you get it, he created us to be equals. There’s no coincidence that you need my blood to get your cure. Both of us being survivors. Tell me, how long has it been?”

Zen looked to Bert for a moment, he seemed to nod in agreement. “Ten thousand years. Give or take.”

“Ten...” I dropped to the floor. My breathing heavy and faster now. How could this happen to me. 

Bert tried to distract me, “How did you get in there? Can you get out? I know it’s stupid but what do you know of the force?”

“It’s just a wall.” I placed my hand against it. Zenae instinctively placed her hand to the other side of the glass. Except her hand passed through it. Touching my skin by another started me, I pulled back. Also startled that she was able to bypass the wall. When I pulled back, I startled her as well. But a moment to regain she did it again. She was able to walk through the wall and back out again. She tested each part of her body and I watched in amazement.

“Let’s see if I can take you with me.” she reached her hand out for me to take it. She hadn’t been this close before. Her eyes wandered over my horns and my wings, to my dark skinned hand and black nails. I reached out cautiously taking her hand. Her touch was so much warmer than mine. 

 Everything went normal until my skin touched the wall. It started to phase but as I went through I was put in scorching pain. I pulled my hand away and let out a loud yelp. I held my injured hand in the other inspecting it for damage.

“Eden are you okay? What happened?” Zen asked.

“The wall, it burns when I pass through it.” There was a moment of hesitation.

“You can do it, Eden. I believe in you.” She held out her hand once again. Her eyes glossed over me and sank into my eyes. It was unfair how she stole every star from the sky and put them in her eyes. Beautiful blue, but my god, do they shine. My stomach fluttered with butterflies. A feeling I hadn’t felt in forever. An emotional wave of calm washed over me. No amount of pain was going to turn me away from her. I thought that suffering wasn’t meant for her. But I think that as long as we had suffered together, we would have been okay. I shouldn’t have made that decision for her.

She could see my mixed emotions battling in my head. She stepped into the cage and grabbed both of my hands in hers. Her face was so close to mine and I wanted to kiss her and cry my sorrow away. But now was not the time. I could feel her heart beating so fast. I suppose mine would too if I had one left. I guess, that’s my heart in her chest too now. She’s been taking good care of it.

“Let’s go slow and maybe the pain won’t be as great.” She said and I nodded. We touched the wall, this time I was prepared and offered a defense to its impact. Hot white pain rose up from my bones and stung my skin. I pushed through it. Each inch I pushed pulsed through my body; echoes of pain. It got to my forearm and it was too much. I screamed in agony and ripped my arm from her grasp again. My arm searing hot and crackled as I held it in front of me.

“I-I can’t do this Zenae.”

“Stop that. Yes you can. You can do this. I’m here to help you through this. You just have to let me. I know you’re scared but you’re not alone. I can ease your pain.” She said. Her rising hope filled me again and the pain in my arm subsided.

“Like a Band-Aid then. Nice and fast.” I nodded. She nodded in agreement. She stepped through the wall another time. Holding my hand in hers for a moment before she began to pull. I felt her thumb trace over my rough skin. Love triumphs pain. I thought. This love is worth the pain.

I braced myself for the agony again. Getting through my arm was easier at this point; however, after my forearm the wall seemed to tighten on my body. Making it harder to be pulled through. Zen felt this too and ordered the others to help pull me out. My blood boiled liquid iron. I screamed and tried to resist the pain. Shaking my head back and forth, I let out a violent torrent of demonic beams at the ceiling. A power I’m not sure I remembered I had. The barrier reached my heart and face and my voice dropped octaves. A deepening roar echoed through the chamber. My cries of agony rippled through the others. I wondered if they felt my pain too. Each scream I felt their grip loosen in fear then tighten and pull harder.

My free hand clawed at the wall and my own leg. Anything to distract me from the aching sizzle and burning blood flowing through my veins. After my head passed, I felt light headed. The pain left me numb. I had one chance and I dropped to the floor, letting gravity help me out. I laid on the floor and slowly huddled to a small ball. My skin steamed grey vapors. I looked at my hands; they were pale. It was if the grey was being boiling off me. I ran my fingers through my hair, my horns were gone. My feet weren’t hooves anymore. The wall purified the demon from me. I’m human again.

I felt Zenae’s hand on the back of my neck in comfort. This time it was cool to the touch, though, probably because my body was so warm now. She lightly lifted her fingers up and down along my spin. She was talking to Bert and the others but my sense of sound was temporality distorted. I heard them talking but could only focus on easing my pain. But the way she touched me felt it was subtle and wasn’t trying to bring attention to it. It was just a hand on my neck for comfort. But the way she moved her fingers across my skin. I felt sparks of suns flow into me.

I stood up and looked down. The hole where my heart was, was still there. The red changed tint but still covered the tissue of the scar. Zen saw me touching the skin. She too put her hand over mine and pressed it against my heart. I leaned my head down and kissed the top of her hand and wrapped my other hand over hers. I smiled. Something I hadn’t known for 10 thousand years.

We climbed up the robe and for some reason Zen’s vision was gone. However, I could see the way without closing my eyes. My vision had been tainted it seemed. Once we got back outside the Sunlight pierced my eyes and I dropped to the ground. My fingers ran through the grass, birds chirping, I could hear water frothing in a nearby stream. I opened my eyes again. No pain. I stared at the Sun and smiled.

“He’s an angel too now.” Bert said to break the silence. No one else had said much until now. He was looking at Zen though.

“Yeah I think he is too. I can feel something in him is different.”

We made it all the way back to the first settlement area. I regained what strength I had lost and learned what had happened in my absence, even a little of what I had done. I did not remember much about being the demon. We went to the ruins to finish what we started. Zen and I had discussed both taking the cure, growing old like we were supposed to and letting our story end. We could finally get the happy ending we’ve talked about for years before the war.

We got to the chamber and I placed my hands on the two altar pillars with spikes which impaled me and let my blood run down the spiraling side onto the floor beneath my feet. After a moment the door before us opened. Everyone with us prepared their flashlights and guns in preparation. Zen just grabbed my arm and put it around her neck. She wanted to help me walk even though I just lost some blood and my hands hurt. But since I got out she’s been catering to me so much. Taking care of me. Normally I’d get sick of it. But all my time alone had taught me that no one cared for me. No one had come to save me from myself. From my prison. She came and rescued me and shows she cares about me instead of letting me hear the words.

I don’t remember much about what happened in the chamber. I remember it was dark and had a single pillar of light in the center over an object. It was a statue or sigil. Orb or something. I couldn’t see. Everyone else just stood by while Zen and I eased over to the center of the room. When we got passed a certain point the ground lit up with golden runes and blasted into the air.

I don’t know what they did, but we were cured. Kind of. I remember my body got cleaned. My point of view left my body. The room was now inverted. The walls were white and where shadow was light crept. The other people became just shadow humanoids.  The golden sigils were violet. Zenae’s white feathered wings spread through the air. I was floating directly in front of her. Our hands were joined between us, fingers intertwined. I had black feathered wings. My scar was gone, my skin clean from the dirt and sweat. We were both wearing white robes too. Elegant, silk, robes.

The room faded and it was just us drifting together into the pillar of light in the center of the room. But the floor faded too. Just two bodies flying in space. We hugged and embraced each other. I let out a single tear, but this time it was of joy. Zentai Aecus. Whole. Yin and Yang. Two halves of one spirit. We spiraled into each other, becoming just color of black and white spinning together.

The POV went back to the room for a moment and everyone just stood in awe. The pillar of light was gone. Along with us. They just saw us enter the center of the floor and get lifted into the sky quickly as feathered angels. The room went quiet.

“There never was a cure. Just a way back home.” Brimm said from Bert’s body. He grinned and my vision went black.

Then I woke up.

[brimmsedge]

Dream: Stain of my Heart

The dream starts, I’m in the backyard of my house. Cleaning through the wreckage of last night’s storm. I am out with my two sisters. We talk a bit and eventually we head inside. My neighbor comes in with us. And he says he’s gonna take a shower. I begin freaking out but my younger sister says she’s dating him.

I explain to her that I’m letting both of them live with my out of the kindness of my heart. That I don’t trust him and if he wants to shower that he has his own house 20 feet away. She gets mad and runs out. I bang on the bathroom door and tell my neighbor to leave or I’m calling the cops. He leaves. 

It’s just me and my older sister. It’s night out and we’re watching a movie and talking. First we start watching cartoons and as it starts storming we change to a horror movie. We open a window to let the cool air in and the constant sound of rain trickling the ground outside. I hear a small knock on the door. I get up to answer it. My sister is still frozen in fear, fixed on the screen for what happens next.

I open the door and find Zenae standing there. This time she had brown wet hair, a green hoodie, white tank top, red bra straps - I couldn’t see the padded part or I didn’t look - and tight blue jeans with sneakers. She looked sad. I ask her if she wants to come in but she says no she just wants to talk. So I close the door behind me and step outside. 

This conversation doesn’t represent our relationship at this point. I don’t know where it came from. Maybe it’s supposed to be for someone else. I don’t know. But the sequence of what happened is strange as well. Maybe the dialogue is reversed. 

We just walk the street in the light rain. We stop under a street light. She turns to me. She’s heart broken. I don’t understand. She’s crying but it’s hard to tell with the rain collecting on her soft cheeks.  “You stained my heart.” She says.

“How? We weren’t anything. I let you become all of me and I wasn’t even a part of you.” I say.

“I can’t love you anymore.” 

Those are the only key dialogue moments I wrote down. I don’t remember the rest. I don’t remember who really said them. But she was crying and I was trying to comfort her. Then we were standing on the side of a building. A tall skyscraper. Glass windows under us. The moon to my right. Things start to spin. It’s like there’s a pivotal platform beneath our feet. We stay the same distance apart and face position but the environment changes around us. I fall back through the building. 

I become the cold, blue, Moon. She rises up and becomes the warm, bright, red, Sun. Spinning together. Revolving. Then we become thing atom-like ball. Yin and Yang. Light and darkness. Opposites. But whole. 

As we spin I hear her say more. “I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

“I’m not going to hurt you.” I reply. 

Then the spinning stops. We’re back to standing on the building. Gravity pulling her hair downward towards me. Covering her face. A tear falls from her onto me. She bursts into flames, and I feel wet around me. Not just my face. I’m underwater. Suddenly, the glass is no longer beneath my feet. I’m drifting down with gravity, further into the water. I’m drowning. I’m being pulled into the dark abyss. The only thing I see is the moon still shining and reflecting off the glass building platform beneath Zenae’s feet. 

I’m so far down I can’t even tell if she’s there. Why would she be? Who would want to watch me drown. My lungs give in and the water rushes in. My limbs stop fighting and I drift against the gravityless void.  I  realize I’m not underwater. Or not anymore. I’m in space. Except I see the tunnel of  vision. I see the twinkling stars around me.I see the body of water between us, and the other night sky and the building Zen’s on. Except that sky is blue, out behind me in space it’s just black. 

And then I wake up.  

[brimmsedge]

Dream Shorts: Cop Killer and Violet

The first dream is me running through a crowded neighborhood. Crowded meaning clusters of houses and winding streets. Trees, fences, roads, but nothing long. Very short turns and cul de sacs. Probably easy to get out if I followed the road, but I was being chased, so I had to cut through the yards and backyards of the houses without being seen. There was a light white fog in the air. I could see about 10 feet or so. Not too far. I find a cop, sneak up on him and steal his gun. Tell him to get on his knees. Then his face, fingers interlaced on the back of his head. I aim the gun at him, and shoot. The loud crack fills the sky. The only sound I heard. It took me a moment to realize I didn’t even hear my own voice command him down. 

I run into a house and wait for dark. My coworker comes in and begins talking to me. At work he’s so nice. Here, he’s so sinister. Like a dark subconscious. Now that I’m awake, definitely Brimm. He didn’t really say anything to me. Just speaking general things that I was thinking. Like his vessel was an outlet for me. Saying things like, “Now look what you’ve done. We have to leave. We can’t stay here long.” 

I guess it wasn’t his words that made him sinister. But the way he said them, Brimm’s voice in his mouth. His voice is usually lighter and uplifting. And his facial expressions were lacking too. He spoke like he was possessed. When he moved his head, it was slow and patient. Turning to me, speaking, looking down, anything. Too dramatic. 

Another old coworker showed up too. She was trying to help clean up the mess we got in. Somehow I killed the family of this house but didn’t know. She pulled 2 kids and a mother out of their beds and rolled them up in the living room rug. 

I just stood their, flabbergasted. Brimm speaking to me. “Now we have to clean this up. Such a pity.” I walk over to the sink and stare up at my reflection in the window.  It’s dark outside, the only light in this kitchen is a small overhead oven light. The rest of the house looms in shadow.  

It almost feels like candle light because of the orange tint to it. Nonetheless, I leave the house and the darkness takes me. 

The next dream begins with me and Violet at the mall. Shopping at Zumiez, Specer’s, and a few other cliche emo stores. We’re holding hands and the typical couple thing. We’re back to being happy, or at a time before our fight. I get her some flowers and she lays her head on my shoulder. I feel peace course through my veins again. 

That’s all I really want, someone to go through life together. Everything is so temporary and friends are even worse. During high school, you could have both. After high school, it feels like you have to prioritize your lover. Which means you lose your friends. And after you lose your lover and friends, you’re left with nothing. 

Violet runs ahead to pick out something to surprise me. I slow my pace and continue window shopping. When I reach the shop she ran into I find her making out with her current boyfriend in the dressing room. She’s in lingerie. The same deep cut, reopening the wound. I leave, they didn’t even see my enter. Too busy with their disgusting task. 

I write a song and sing it onstage with my friend who’s in a band. They feature me in the song as backup lyrics. The toxic mirror. The black mirror, I called her. The dream takes place within the course of a month. Me leaving Violet, the depression after the breakup, the singing, and loneliness at night. 

I visit Valea in the hospital. She tried to kill herself. If you don’t remember Valea came after Violet. She was the body, whereas Violet was the love of my soul. Still looking for the love of mind. But apparently I seek too far. 

Valea has a boyfriend, so she doesn’t accept my apology and doesn’t believe in my plea for her life. I don’t want her to die, or hurt anymore. But she says I don’t get to make that decision for her anymore. But she tries to pretend she doesn’t still have feelings for me and fails. We walk to the park where her family is there cooking things on the grill. 

As we walk, she tells me about her life now. How happy she is. She tells me even though she loves me, she cannot be with me. I ruined her trust. Which I understand. We play silly games and delve into our feelings but it’s a strange game. It’s like love with no end game. We love each other, we almost hold hands and kiss. But we don’t because it’s not our place anymore. But it’s better because we don’t go home together. No room for fighting. No room for sex and lust. Which leaves no room for jealousy. 

Such a strange trait to have. Like a secret lover. I was somehow okay with it because she’d always come back to me. Even if we never did anything, just her saying she loved me and spending time with me was enough. I guess it was like family too. You aren’t intimate with your family and don’t get jealous when they hangout with other people. That’s the kind of love I want. Something with no boundaries but always comes back to me and is faithful. 

Except Valea didn’t belong to me, this love we had still reminded me or taught me of a love that I want. It seemed to stop my breath.We reach the benches with her family. And I let her join them. I walk the direction where my family was. They’re no longer there. I take the moment I always do. Where time stops. My breath feels like it has to be pulled from my body. My eyes stare straight but don’t reach anything. My smile drops, and my eyes finish dropping down to my feet. My hands. 

Emptiness. It’s when depression hits. You know the feeling, when you’re with your friends and suddenly you have no energy to pull the strings to the corner of your mouth. You can’t fake being happy. Or maybe just the smile. But there’s a feeling in the air and you literally feel everything. Normally you live your day seeing the things and the space between them. But this, darkness, you feel the space between everything. There is no air. It’s a thick blanket that lays over you.

You could be away from everyone and still feel like there’s too much around you. You walk away from your friends and family. You walk. Your mind goes blank. You’re not thinking of anything sad but you’re living in the moment with nothing. And you feel nothing. Sounds don’t hit your ears, they pass you by like a moving car. I begin this walk into the void, not darkness but nothingness. I don’t feel anything. 

The park is wide open short grass. It felt more like a golf course. Trees outlining the area with short long ranges of grass. I was roaming the park when I came to a cage of fence. Or a maze or both. Just winding fences, there was enough in the distance to where I couldn’t see through it. So I found myself walking the maze trying to see where things went. 

Valea joined me and we talked more. I heard a commotion. Cops, gunshots. Something. Everyone began to ran. I tried to ask people what happened and no one would answer. I met up with a random girl who took my hand and ran with me. Pulling me in her direction, no words. We ran into a Walmart. Then to the bathroom. She locked the door and put her back against the wall. Finally letting out her breath. I just stand there looking at her. Waiting for her to tell me what’s going on. 

She says nothing. Just turns to me wearing lustful eyes. She inches towards me, lingering in the spaces between. We begin kissing, then fucking. We have crazy sex and when we finish she leaves with the same amount of words said. Nothing. I leave the bathroom and find the manager staring at me. He tells me to take a drug test because he thinks I was in the bathroom doing drugs. I try to head back in the bathroom but he wants me to use a different one down the hall.

I start down the hall and I notice spiders. Webbings. Giant webs connecting everything. Like a thick moss covering everything. Small spiders, big ones. It was like a mist. So many webs in my face stretching over unnatural distances. I force myself to walk through the webs. Feeling the grotesque of legs and webs rubbing along the hairs of my arms. 

I get to the bathroom and piss in the bottle. When I get out, there are more people panicking. Giant spiders attacking the store. Dropping down from below on a single thread. I notice a spider woman’s voice calling out. Had to be Mephala. The Spider Queen. I search through the store and find some weird looking axes and poisoned weapons that I needed to fight back. The edge of the blade glowed green in a fine, precise line.

I grabbed the weapon to fight back but I turned to head out into the commons area and I think a spider jumped on me and webbed my vision out. Either way, I woke up.