burningpaint

[burningpaint]

it feels like forever

[burningpaint]

it's so silly that in this little crush i have i still think about my first love and wish for it back even though i was a horrible partner back then or... or i was just a kid, a very depressed codependent kid and eager to finally be loved

shes taken hes not in my life and i am not a she or i never was a she and i am scared that this whole time I've been living my life wrong and that i will keep living it wrong unless someone comes and points out the exact things that need fixing

i wish there was someone to tell me how to live my life step by step and i wish there was someone who loved me who would hug me till i fall asleep and who would text me random stuff throughout the day and someone i can text casually and not care about whether they will judge me for being who i am

different circles different spheres different lives you live in the light and you are scared of the light but you still live

you still live and people hold your hands and pull you with them i am purposefully holding myself underwater and when someone tries to help me get out i tighten my grip and dig my nails into the dark and act like i am there against my will

i let the sadness hold me how i dream of being held and i let the fears give me butterflies how i long to feel them in my stomach again

and i still pretend that i do this for show when i feel no one would know the fear the pain the sadness and love i have for everything and how i want it all to end

i want it all to end before i get bad before i get too bad to fix even tho i could never fix myself now not in my dreams but there is still a glimmmer of hope inside my hearts and i am waiting it out i am waiting it out.

[burningpaint]

蟲師 続章 (2014)

[burningpaint]

ur early 20s are about being obsessed with kindness and mary oliver and seasonal fruits and recreating comfort foods you ate as a child and learning how to love and crying because you have no choice but to live the life before you and finding god on the bus back from the grocery store

[burningpaint]

why don’t you read a poem about the sunrise written 5 centuries ago and contemplate the fact that we have been writing about the same sun for centuries upon centuries and then maybe you’ll calm down

[burningpaint]

REGARDING BEOWULF

[burningpaint]

This was so hard! I’ve been tracking and reading LGBTQA+ books for 10 years and picking 3 for each was tough! There are so many more I love so if you have specific ones you are looking for, or want more in these sub-genres you can totally ask me for recs. I’ll do my best.

fanart credit: @ace-artemis-fanartist

Below undercut is the Goodreads links to these books:

Keep reading

[burningpaint]

SIMON

“I’m sitting out on the sand, with my boots off and my jeans rolled up. The jeans got wet anyway...

... Shit, I’m crying. It feels awful, but it feels clean.

There’s a wave crashing towards me. Sometimes they start out fierce, then lose their nerve before they get to the beach.

This one doesn’t blink.”

BAZ

“Simon’s sitting on the beach, like a boy in a music video. White t-shirt, rolled up jeans. Head full of sun.

There’s a wave headed for him, he must see it, be he doesn’t move until it comes up over his legs. His head falls back.

I think he might be smiling.”

Prologue, Wayward Son

[burningpaint]

8.47am

Sharing some sunlight

[burningpaint]

You are radiant and forever.

[burningpaint]

Welcome to Night Vale ep 132: Bedtime Story

This is my absolute favourite episode of Night Vale.

It's so comforting to hear a story about a boy who wanted to know everything,

The struggles of indecisiveness,

The horrifying passing of time and life,

The problems of family and the reality of it,

The always present weirdness and creepy vibe of Night Vale.

It's all so well written and narrated, the music fits the vibe perfectly and Cecil's voice is so soothing.

Give it a listen if maybe you feel lost, scared of the future or just want a little weirdness in your life!

You don't have to know a thing about it beforehand!

How will you know anything?

[burningpaint]

somehow I got 95/20 on an assignment

I hope they never fix it and leave it this way forever

[burningpaint]

...vital, sensitive, and expressive material that has a unique look and feel of its own.

[burningpaint]

And now, the weather...

[burningpaint]

Things school did to me

Back problems

Constant headaches

Depression

Anxiety

Insecurities

Insomnia

Fear of the future

Fear of failure

Fear of adults

Thinking I'll never achieve anything in life

Stress, stress & stress

Started drinking to relieve stress

Started smoking to relieve stress

Exhaustion, all the time, no matter what

Killed my motivation

Killed my dreams

No social life

Crying myself to sleep

Crying as soon as I open my eyes in the morning

Would rather puke for the duration of school rather than going to it

But hey school is the best part of your life and you'll want to get back to it when you grow up!!

[burningpaint]

[burningpaint]

More about the human body