caitlin-farmer - Tumblr blog

[caitlin-farmer]

I take a break from my unplanned and unscheduled blog hiatus to give you this breaking news: Lardo in duck pajamas. That is all.

[caitlin-farmer]

Your Fave Is Problematic: the SMH

Bitty: who did he sell his soul to so he could make pies that fast? The speed he makes pies at is not humanly possible

Jack: is from Canada, which might not even be real

Shitty: “you have no other friends.” Enough said

Ransom: when people are demanding ransom, it’s often unclear whether they mean him or actual money

Holster: thinks 30 Rock is a good show. Clearly has not seen the office or parks and rec

Dex: probably on fire

Nursey: too chill™ for his own good. Frozen.

Chowder: might be a shark in disguise

[caitlin-farmer]

Derek nurse has eaten a leaf before, just because he wanted to know what it tasted like

[caitlin-farmer]

Have a sunshine Dex ☼

Trying out clip studio paint! Hence the bad quality oops. Very impressed so far!

[caitlin-farmer]

So it’s kind of - well, shitty - that Shitty assumed Jack was straight...

But I also feel like maybe it took Shitty a while to come to terms with his own sexuality (I’ve always headcanoned Shitty as pansexual) and maybe Jack was the first person he told and he might have been shaking??? just a little bit??? because yes, Shitty is cool with this stuff now, but how long did it take him to be coo with it? And it’s one thing to be cool with other people’s sexualities but another to be cool with your own

And maybe he just figured, because Jack was the first person he came out to, that Jack would have said something if he wasn’t straight as well. I mean, Jack’s not the most talkative of people when it comes to himself, but he knows Shitty would be cool about it, doesn’t he? This was the person who actually initiated cuddles when Shitty told him about being pansexual because Shitty was damn closer to crying than he would have liked to be, and who has let Shitty go on smoked-up rants about his insecurities of being pan, and - if Jack’s his best bro, he would mention something like that wouldn’t he??

I’m not saying it’s right, and I think if Shitty looked at it closer he would realize that and check himself. And maybe I’m totally wrong and Shitty was just being an asshole. But I think sometimes close friends assume that the sharing of things that are close to them should be reciprocal, and maybe Shitty fell into that trap

[caitlin-farmer]

okay but what about when Tater meets Chowder??? CAN THE WORLD HANDLE THAT MUCH CUTE IN ONE ROOM?!? more importantly, CAN MY EMOTIONS HANDLE THAT MUCH CUTE? spoiler: the answer is no

Right?? Because imagine, the Samwell guys come for a visit, and Jack’s showing them all around the Falconers’ clubhouse - he’s so pleased they’ve come and he’s gotten comfortable enough now that he’s actually relaxed and smiling.

Tater’s the only guy around and just really happy to see Jack’s happy and he’s a friendly guy yes? But not stupid. Jack maybe chose time when nobody around because still shy. And Tater, he’s just there for meeting with George, so he knows maybe say hi but not stay, not embarrass Jack (too much). So he say hi, give small chirp for Jack, then go to meeting.

Only, see, Chowder is so starry-eyed (because the Sharks will ALWAYS be number one but the Falconers!!! His number 2 now!!! He is so!! Excited!!) and with Ransom and Holster getting up to increasingly ridiculous shenanigans posing in strange parts of the club while Lardo takes mocking hipster photos of them and Nursey and Dex arguing over whether Dex’s uncle really helped build the rink here and Shitty trying to get a piggy-back ride from Jack while Bitty’s wondering if now would be a good time to try and talk with the team nutritionist about how to best work pie into the team’s diets so he doesn’t feel quite so guilty…

it’s just, he gets a little… separated?? And he means to go find them but he ends up near the rink and he just… he can’t help it. They’ve got the goal posts set up for afternoon practice already and look, of course he brought his skates and his practice gear. He just couldn’t NOT. He doesn’t feel right on the ice without his head-gear and his glove at LEAST so of course he’s brought them. And his pads and his sweater because well… So he just… bounces until he can’t stand it anymore and then puts on his skates because he’ll only skate a LITTLE and Jack had SAID maybe they could shinny. And there’s plenty of time for him to fix the ice before practice. So he goes out and skates around a little, and then gets between the posts and settles into the crease. Does some side to sides and snaps his glove at imaginary pucks. A REAL! NHL! GOAL! It’s ‘swawsome!!!

But see, Tater thinks best when he’s moving, and George does too, so they’re having their meeting walking around the big ring of the stands, and they see this little hyper goalie just enjoying the shit out of talking himself through plays and diving for hypothetical saves and “Ha ha, look at little guy!” Tater says, and George tells him, “Oh, yeah, that’s Chris Chow, talented kid. He’s starting goalie for Jack’s old college team, one of the best in the league even his first year.” and Tater considers a moment, then decides, “I go play with him.”

Their meeting is mostly over anyway so they finish up chatting and Tater heads for his locker and George heads down to the ice and George waves at Chris and tells him it’s fine that he’s on the ice when he hurries over all worried and she asks him how he’s doing and if he’s thinking about going pro when he finishes school and Chowder is !!!! You’re the AGM for the Falconers and you remember ME???? !!!! And Wow! Maybe?!! I hadn’t thought I was good enough but then Jack gave me his DIBS!!?? And said if I kept working hard?? Maybe I could???

And she (doesn’t ask what the hell dibs are but she wants to and) says she agrees with Jack, he’s got good potential and great composure on the ice and he’s about to vibrate out of his skates but then!! Alexei Mashkov!! In Person!!! Is trotting up to the ice in his skates with a bucket of pucks and he says “Hey little guy, you help Tater practice shootout, yes?”

So basically that’s where the rest of the (astonished) Samwell crew finds them like an hour later and there are about a billion pucks on the ice and Tater is delighted to point out to Jack “Look! Little guy is very good! I’m make very few goals!”

And Jack recovers first and gets his chirpy face on and says “I’d say maybe you’re just terrible at shootouts-”

“-Hey! Almost highest percentage on team!” Tater pouts.

“But Chris really is that good,” Jack finishes as he fist-bumps Chris.

And Chowder pretty much just cries because he’s so happy.

[caitlin-farmer]

if anything could make me rethink my fat caitlin farmer headcanon, it would be this amazing fanart

So I’m sort of obsessed with the Samwell Women’s Volleyball team. Cp can be a bit of a sausage fest, and just, lady athletes are awesome… also I have found through my research that volleyball butts can definitely rival hockey butts o_o

I was inspired by @abermb and @asterlark‘s posts about the team (here and here) and @abermb was also kind enough to describe to me what their wonderful OC’s look like so I’m absolutely going to draw some of them too! I meant to post them all at the same time but I’ve been super slow. So, starting with our canon volleyball girls: April, March, and Caitlin. 

[caitlin-farmer]

How did Alicia and Bob meet?

OKAY!!! i have so many ideas about this literally but here we go:

You know how sometimes supermodels and athletes are on the same cover? Well, Bad Bob wins the Cup (in a truly beautiful way idk how i’m not a hockey hoe tbh) and Alicia is chosen to be with him on the cover. At first, the idea is that Alicia will dress up as a puck bunny and Bob will be doin somethin “”“manly”“” but then Bob gets there and Alicia is already uncomfortable but she’s less famous so she feels like she doesn’t have a choice. Anyways Bob is there and he immediately goes, “Why can’t I be the bunny?” And the photographers are like??? And Bob says, “I’m the one who plays hockey. Wouldn’t I be the puck bunny?”

Alicia laughs as the giant man takes off his shirt and plucks the bunny ears off her head and fits them onto his. “I’m sorry,” He says, reaching out a hand. Alicia smiles.

“Hi Sorry, I’m Alicia.” She answers, shaking his hand. From there, it’s history. (if u honestly think that much dad joke in jack only came from bad bob u r mistaken . she is the queen of dad jokes)

[caitlin-farmer]

nursey x dex x chowder

[caitlin-farmer]

Bitty puts a call out on the group text for more eggs - Tango promptly answers it, and says he’ll be over with some soon.

Two hours later, Tango walks into the house cradling half a dozen eggs in his arms.

BITTY: “…honey, you could have kept them in the carton.” TANGO: “There wasn’t a carton.” BITTY: “…they were just selling them loose at the store?” TANGO: “Uh. Store?” BITTY: “…Tango. Where did you get these eggs.” DEX: “Are those even chicken eggs? They look pretty big.” HOLSTER: “Dude, what happened to your leg?” TANGO: “Goose bit me.” EVERYONE: [connecting the dots] [LOUD NOISES]

(After unsuccessful attempts to return the eggs to their nest, they call in the only man they know brave enough to take the geese on head to head. Jack Zimmermann.) (”If this is how my career ends I’m hiring Shitty to sue all of you.” “Shut your hot mouth and DISTRACT THEM”)

[caitlin-farmer]

list of canon (not canon but canon in my little heart) things abt ransom

has dimples that only show up when he’s smiling a very certain way.  very rare

made excel spreadsheets and formulated equations that could very accurately predict what groceries his house would need based on the rate at which various food items are consumed, essentially predicting the weekly grocery list without anybody having to check the fridge & pantry.  his parents loved it.  bitty loves it.

he was very tiny as a kid until very suddenly he wasnt.  has stretch marks from growing a whole foot in less than 6 months

has an incredible inner ear and almost never gets dizzy.  he could spin around in circles forever and then walk a straight line like its nothing

knows how to swaddle a baby.  

brags about being able to swaddle a baby.  is challenged on his knowledge of how to swaddle a baby.  with the absence of actual infants in the haus, the team instead attempts to swaddle nursey in a blanket.  bitty frowns in abject horror the entire time.  its the least chill event ever

ransom: [cradling an in-shock nursey in his arms] now rock the child to-and-fro to relax that lil fucker

made homemade jandals (jean sandals) to give to holster as a present.  holster loves them and stores them next to his louboutin patent leather pumps

on the subject of high heels: both ransom and holster can run in stilettos.  ransom, however, is the more powerful of the two in this vein, and can also walk on rain grates in heels

[caitlin-farmer]

im actually 100% completely here for Jack buying ridiculously expensive things for the people he loves and them being like “Jack, no, stop” and him being like  “?? why” because I just think Jack would like to get his friends really nice things and he makes a lot of money so who cares about the price??

 Like i know someone was like “Jack will you buy me this pony” and he’s like “sure,” because maybe he heard them talk about how much they love ponies, idk 

and so he looks them up, but then he realizes they need some place to stay, so he looks up stables and stuff like that and brings it to them and is like “these places are the best but what do you think?” and they have this blank face and they’re just like “what??”

and Jack is confused and he’s like “You… you wanted a pony, right? Is this not the right one?”

and thats when everyone realizes they cant joke around like that because Jack will literally buy you a pony and everything else you’d need for it 

(also i’d like to say that I am totally aware that Jack would probably not ever do this, let me enjoy this head canon in peace)

[caitlin-farmer]

Anyone going to TCAF next weekend who wants to meet up and talk OMGCP give me a shout out!!!

I’m going to be in Toronto for the Toronto Comic Arts Festival next weekend (May 14-15)  and Ngozi is gonna be there and I am SUPER EXCITED

I would love to meet up and talk about beautiful smol hockey sons!!! So send me an ask, or a chat, or anything, if you’re gonna be there too!!! I could even bring baked goods (they will not be as good as anything Bitty could make but I’ll do my best)!!!

So, who’s gonna be there???? And would you like to hang out???

[caitlin-farmer]

do u think because the library/every single coffee shop near samwell’s vicinity, the hockey team opens up the haus for a study lounge? 

it’s like the epikegster but instead of partying it’s a bunch of ppl studying??? blankets and desks and stress relief activities are provided… 

there is a power nap area upstairs manned by one of the frogs where people cycle in every 10-20 mins for the best power naps

bitty can finally have an outlet for stress baking bc now he has to feed a bunch of stressed out college students

quiet hours are strictly enforced or else u get kicked out… 

every hour/half an hour ransom and holster stops everyone for a study break for a smash bros tournament before going back to studying

like anyone who is a friend of the hockey team can stop by. suddenly this gets picked up by the other frat houses and everyone is united under stress and schoolwork

[caitlin-farmer]

...and that’s how Shitty accidentally became a den mother/scout leader

The other local girl scout leaders don’t quite know what to do with him, but hey, his girl scout group always gets the district a medal for how many cookies they sell (hockey boys + girl scout cookies = a terrific business plan) even if their badges all seem to be for things like “learning about the gender binary” and “marching in a protest” and “smashing the patriarchy”

(Nursey guest-teaches a unit on PoC poetry. Bitty does one on cooking. Lardo does one on mixed media. Dex does one on cars/basic auto repair. Ransom does one on spreadsheets. And at each of the team’s home games, there is a small but fierce collection of girls scouts with homemade signs cheering them on)

girl scouts knocking on the haus door to sell cookies and shitty answering the door (thankfully clothed) and torn between saying 

“heck yeah ill give you my entire tuition to get me some samoas” 

“your organization is so amazing and superior to boy scouts i hope you lil dudes know that.  like.  pro lgbt and supporting young girls its great” 

“i want to buy your cookies but i dont want bitty to think i dont appreciate his baked goods im sorry” 

“jesus what are you doing on a street thats entirely frathouses filled with gross jocks and stoners, that is both a spectacular business plan and a deep-set flaw in whoever is supposed to be watching over and protecting you kids.  where’s your scout leader.  i have some firm words for them”

[caitlin-farmer]

OH MY GOD THAT IS BEAUTIFUL

I am not saying that Alexei Mashkov knits little baby hats to donate to the local children’s hospital

…oh wait, no, that’s exactly what I’m saying

Imagine this giant of a man with his huge hands and these tiny needles knitting (admittedly slightly lumpy) tiny little baby hats

Knitting on the bus during roadies

Knitting while the coaches talk about plays and draw diagrams

Just

Tater the amateur but heartfelt knitting hockey player

(He also knits every new player a blue and white Falconers hat that they receive upon arrival in Providence. Jack wears his lumpy but heartfelt hat most of the winter and every time he sees it Alexei just beams)

[caitlin-farmer]

i just saw a thing on fb like ‘does somebody wanna be fake engaged to me for like 2 hours to try free wedding cake samples’ and im just…………………imagine ur otp