carouselsyndrome

[carouselsyndrome]

Sunflowers and roses

black ones to be exact

You tell me someday I’ll have to take you there, so you can pick some for yourself

I’ve been thinking about sunflowers and black roses for weeks, as I’ve gotten to know you and you’ve gotten to know me

Thinking of you bright, facing the sun, keeping things light and warm

Thinking of you dark, facing me, in the coolness of your room

Having songs about sunflowers stuck in my head, as we’re driving with windows down and your lips painted red

Appreciating dark places dimly lit where your blinds crack, how things typically red look even better painted black

I’ve almost sent you flowers about a hundred times, wanting to fill up that vase with things that’ll make you smile

for two months, you’ve been filling me up, maybe without even knowing

Arranging yourself, your sunflowers and roses, and I hope they keep growing

[carouselsyndrome]

“I keep finding myself wanting to spend more time with you”

I said this on day 4 of spending every day together

Every day at work, smiling with my coffee mug

Hoping you’d pull me in close like how you hold yours close to your chest like a hug

“Question of the day!”

Became my four new favorite words

I’d swing around to see you standing there

And try to keep my cool

and when work would draw to a close, one of us would break

“So what are you doing tonight?”

“You wanna hang out?”

Of course it was a yes

“I keep finding myself wanting to spend more time with you.”

I keep finding myself wanting to keep you company, even after I’ve already left and it’s past midnight

I keep finding myself wanting to be close to you, even after we’ve spend 12 full hours tangled together your bed

I keep finding myself wanting to talk to you, sending you questions to catch glimpses of what makes you tick

I keep finding myself falling in love with you

[carouselsyndrome]

enough with platonic female friendships on tv. let them fuck

[carouselsyndrome]

Lesbians are so good at pointing out romantic chemistry between women on TV but in real life it takes 3 years of friendship and an entire peer reviewed scientific paper to convince us that a girl might like us back.

[carouselsyndrome]

[carouselsyndrome]

this 👆🏾

[carouselsyndrome]

A relationship with no gender roles. We both hustle, we both cook, we both clean, we both pay, we both spoil each other.

[carouselsyndrome]

Janelle Monae accepting the Pansexual Flag I brought at her concert I’m…just so emotional

[carouselsyndrome]

Sunrise, Florida - 09/06

[carouselsyndrome]

Fluid

I want to be your boyfriend and her girlfriend

It’s the only way I can think of how to explain this

All the pain in this

I’m not cutting my heart in two

Maybe it was made for two

It was made for her

It was made for you

I don’t know how to fully see this through

[carouselsyndrome]

you’re not here

you left just an hour ago

and took all my plans for the night with you

i know I never told you, but I’m upset you didn’t hear me anyway

I wanted you to reach out

For our hands to brush

For the beach to be the vacation from our other lives

Waves covering up our lies

I wanted you to hold on tighter

Throw the doors open and fall into the bed that I had to keep telling myself I didn’t make just for you

I wanted you to put your lips on mine

To forget it all and pass the time

I wanted to wake up with you

With smiles on the same sides of the bed where they always used to be

I got this place for you

One more night for you

All of it for you

But I never told you

I couldn’t open my mouth

You’re not here

You were never really here

13

It’s the number of times you said “we” and didn’t mean you and me

You and her

And the pillows for your furniture

That I helped pick out and loaded into my trunk

For you

For her

Not for us

You’re not here

You’re still not here

You’re there

Smiling at her texts through your phone as I scream inside about all of the things I want you to say and do that I’ll never tell you

I love you

It’s still here

I want you

But you’re not here

My biggest fear

Continuing year after year

You’re not here

I say I wish we were both in the same place at the same time

You thought I meant coasts or states

I meant hearts mind and opportunity

Put us in the same place at the same time

Orchestrate this just a little bit, ocean

Crash through barriers

Wash away pain

Wash away her

And open up like the sunrise we’ve been waiting to see on this beach

It’s been an hour since I thought you’d turn the car around and come back through my door

But you’re not here

You were never here

And we may never ever get to be there

[carouselsyndrome]

Team “I imagined a scenario too hard and it upset me”

[carouselsyndrome]

[carouselsyndrome]

Why be with a pencil when you could be with a whole galaxy

Date women instead

[carouselsyndrome]

[carouselsyndrome]

Girls eat free and never leave

I didn’t even know your ass was like this

[carouselsyndrome]

You’re still here

At the slightest of breeze

And the faintest of smells

You’re still here

I thought I was rid of you

I thought we were done

But I’m laying here in bed thinking only about one

only about you

And the things we used to do

The things we could we do to each other

Never really for each other

That was mostly one sided

Or maybe I just say that so I don’t feel slighted

Youre still here

You sneak up on me when my mind wanders

Just to sharpen the pain as a reminder

That no matter the time

No matter the place

It’s always the same

You’re still here