cesilenceprofond

[cesilenceprofond]

I have an injury and I am so triggered by not being able to physically move my body. But I am also somehow slightly okay. Progress.

[cesilenceprofond]

Do you ever have denial so intense you’re literally thinking “I think personally I’ve had an okay year!” while actively relapsing

[cesilenceprofond]

My partner asking me “did you make yourself sick” and me just honestly saying yes. Who knew I could reach this point

[cesilenceprofond]

Drinking a lot in quarantine and telling myself it’s just because I’m home and not because I’m depressed and using it to manage my anxiety

[cesilenceprofond]

Abusers will convince you that they care. They’ll convince you that the other people in your life “just don’t understand.” Run. For the love of god run

[cesilenceprofond]

I told you I hated myself and would rather die and your response was to check your email? Cool

[cesilenceprofond]

Do you ever get so anxious that it doesn’t feel possible you’re even still alive?

[cesilenceprofond]

It makes my blood boil that people praise you. It makes my blood boil that people have any good things to think about you when all you make me think about is anger. It makes me furious that while you sit on your pedestal being praised for things you don’t deserve I should have ruined you. I should have ruined you.

[cesilenceprofond]

Is it bad that I was singing “I wanna die” to the tune of “I saw the sign” earlier???

[cesilenceprofond]

me: *chilling and doing nothing*

my heart: hey guess what

me: please don’t start-

my heart: TIME TO BEAT LIKE CRAZY

[cesilenceprofond]

The funny thing is that I still think about you, but you don’t have power over me any more. I think about the pain you made me feel but I don’t feel controlled by it anymore. And I couldn’t be more grateful

[cesilenceprofond]

I hate that when I get drunk I think about you. Because I know for sure you haven’t thought about me a single day since I left your life

[cesilenceprofond]

Me:*Eating something unhealthy still within my daily cal limit *

Ed :

[cesilenceprofond]

If I could speak to you know, the only thing I want to say is that I hope you learned. I hope you learned that when someone tells you about their trauma they are not defined by it. I hope you learned that when someone threatens suicide or expresses the pain In their heart you get them REAL help from someone who is trained to help them. I hope you know that I am stronger now than I ever was with you, and that’s not because of you. Hell no it’s not because of you. It is in spite of you. You could have ruined my life but I didn’t let it happen. I’m stronger because I got you out of my life for good. Good riddance.

[cesilenceprofond]

Looking back on these posts, I can’t help but see the broken girl that I used to be and still carry with me. How broken she was in being betrayed and abused by a person who should have done the right thing and gotten her counseling. I am so grateful that this girl made it through and can look back on these memories without still being in them. I am so fucking grateful

[cesilenceprofond]

me: i want to feel something

emotions: okay here you go

me: Put It Back

[cesilenceprofond]

my skin feels so soft, thanks to My Tears ™