chronically-not-okay - Tumblr blog

[chronically-not-okay]

GUYS READ ALL OF THIS PLEASE PLEASE PL–

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"He loved you."

No, he loved to abuse me.

He loved to control me.

He loved to build me up to break me.

He did not love me, he loved to hurt me.

I wasn't his favorite child, I was his favorite victim.

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I recently applied for and was hired at a second job and after the initial excitement of getting the job calmed down I had a moment where I realised “my taxes are gonna be so complicated this year” and that was an adult thought I was not ready to have.

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Sometimes, I write the happy endings I never could get.

- life of a writer

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Coming out was complicated for me.

My dad welcomed it with open arms, made horrible jokes about having the son he’s always wanted- just fifteen years late and never made me feel like he wished I was someone else.

My mom… she was different. She’s never not accepted me, but she never accepted me either.

I’ve always tried to figure out what the difference between them is, why acceptance from my father feels like a warm hug and from my mother feels like a distant pat on the shoulder.

I think I’ve figured it out, and I want to share my realisation for anyone who might be struggling with the same thing.

Both of my parents want me to be happy, my father wants to change the world to accept me that way I can be happy inside of it without fear- he wants to fight for a world where he can send his oldest child to school and not fear I’ll be beaten or killed by my classmates for existing.

My mother doesn’t think the world can change, but she thinks that I can- she loves me as I am but wishes I would change to make it easier for myself. She doesn’t think I can be happy as I am, inside a world dead set on killing me. She also wants to send me to school without fear that I won’t come home, or that when I do I’ll be different like the first time I was beaten- different and never the same again.

The difference is that my dad wants to do the impossible, but my mom does too.

The world isn’t going to change, not overnight but we can wish on every shooting star that it will. My father will hold me as I process the traumas of what I’ve been through and curse the world, my mother will do the same but she’ll curse my identity.

My father resents the world, and that resentment has never bled onto me because I am not the world- we are different.

My mother resents my identity, and that has always bled onto me because me and my identity are so closely intertwined that it’s impossible to only resent one and have it not bleed into the other.

I don’t know if this has made sense, but… it’s closure.

It’s understanding.

It’s what I needed to move on.

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The fact multiple of those are us 😂😭

big fan of marriages of convenience. marry your best friend for tax benefits. marry your roommate for college tuition breaks. "marry" your love interest for plot-contrived reasons at a fake wedding, then accidentally fall in love & get married for real in the epilogue. so many possibilities!

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YOU CANT STOP MEEEEEE - Charlie (the mentioned fiancé)

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A post shared by Sky Neo (@merlin.and.sky)

Hi all eleven of my followers and anyone who may find this.

My name is Sky. You may know me from my Michael Vey posts, my Wattpad, or that time that I almost got doxxed by tories.

I need a new wheelchair. My disability of progressing, and my hospital chair is not easy to handle. My insurance will not pay for it, and my doctors will not approve it. (it's SoMaTiC) Blah blah blah.

I am moving to England soon, and would like to be able to navigate my home country as easily as an able bodied person.

If any of you could donate even one dollar, I would love you for the rest of my life.

ps, to my fiancee, charlie i will not accept your money.

(if you donate, tell me, and I'll send pictures of my service dog)

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When we adopted him my cat was bigger than our dog, our dog is now four times the size of the cat- the cat still runs this household 😂

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Throwback to that time I got kicked out of Sunday school for the day because I told my teacher that Jesus was a brown skinned Jewish refugee and the picture she was showing us was suspected to be based off Leonardo Da Vinci’s gay lover.

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I’ve been sick for about ten years and there hasn’t been a day my chronic illness hasn’t gone out of it’s way to humble me

Like no I don’t have a ego I faint when I stand to fast and my worst enemy is water consumption