chronicallynoted

[chronicallynoted]

Handouts I got at group therapy on dissociation

[chronicallynoted]

One great way to eliminate npd stigma would be for all narcs to uhhh stop abusing people lol

Npd does not equal abuse. Not all people with npd abuse. It's a mixed bag just like any other disorder or non disordered group. Come off anon and we can discuss it. Or stay a coward and only make these proclamations while hidden

[chronicallynoted]

101 ways to become more grounded that aren't just naming five things you can see, touch, or hear, taken from the Finding Solid Ground program workbook

[chronicallynoted]

"All humans have prejudice; we cannot avoid it. If I am aware that a social group exists, I will have gained information about that group from the society around me. This information helps me make sense of the group from my cultural framework. People who claim not to be prejudice demonstrate a profound lack of self-awareness. Ironically, they are also demonstrating the power of socialization - we have all been taught in schools, through movies, and from family members, teachers, and clergy that it is important not to be prejudiced. Unfortunately, the prevailing belief that prejudice is bad causes us to deny its unavoidable reality"

-White Fragility

Robin Diangelo

[chronicallynoted]

"Race is an evolving social idea to legitimize racial inequality and protect white advantage. The term "white" first appeared in colonial law in the late 1600s. By 1790, people were asked to claim their race on the census, and by 1825, the perceived degrees of blood determined who would be classified as Indian. From the late 1800s through the early twentieth century, as waves of immigrants entered the United States, the concept of white race was solidified."

-White Fragility

Robin Diangelo

[chronicallynoted]

"Emotionally immature parents often have the fantasy that their babies will make them feel good about themselves. When their children turn out to have their own needs, it can send parents into such a state of intense anxiety. Those who are extremely emotionally immature may then use punishments, threats of abandonment, and shaming as trump cards in an attempt to feel self control and bolster their self esteem - at their children's expense." Adults of Emotionally Immature Parents Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy D

[chronicallynoted]

"Anger and even rage are adaptive reactions to feelings of abandonment, giving us energy to protest and change unhealthy emotional situations"

-Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD

[chronicallynoted]

The [schizoid] Alternatives to Dependency

The schizoid has many way of compensating and coping with his inability to love and his loss of object relations, including (a) the splitting or eradication of his needs, (b) the cultivation of self-sufficiency, © the reliance on force of will and perfectionism, (d) cultivating a sense of superiority, and (e) investing in omnipotent self-representations. This section briefly outlines some of these techniques.

Keep reading

[chronicallynoted]

here's a post about the emotion wheels we have on us. we have 1 more but we'd have to look for it but well find it soon and post

[chronicallynoted]

An opinion piece on how to lesson the stigma of npd. Click on images to make larger

[chronicallynoted]

-""female husbands" - a term that persistently circulated throughout Anglo-American culture for nearly 200 years to describe people who defied categorization. Though assigned female at birth, female husbands assumed a legal, social, and economic position reserved for men: that of a husband."

-term used from 1746 to right before WW1

-punishment for being outer was forced compliance into expected gender expression by community

- "They lived lives that in contemporary terms might be described as transgender, nonbinary, butch, lesbian, bisexual, or asexual"

-"Female wives are often overlooked or neglected as queer figures of the past. The newspaper record of such relationships has shaped such sexism, as accounts often dont even include the wives' names."

- female wives held a lot of power in the marriage especially for the time as they could out their female husband at any time.

Female Husbands - A Trans History

By Jen Manion

[chronicallynoted]

Critiques on Attachment Theory

Some notes from my textbook. Studying through repetition.

Child Effect

Argues that Bowlby's (Attachment) theory overstates the mother's influence and understates child's influence on quality of attachment

Children are born with different temperaments. It is possible that some anxious behaviors displayed towards mothers in The Strange Experiment were due to difficult temperament. Not the mother's failure to be sensitive and responsive.

Related to this recent researches have emphasized that parent - child relationships are reciprocal or bidirectional. Ex: Mothers of children with with disorganized-disoriented attachment. classification have been found to behave differently in the Strange Situation than others. They mail fail to respond, and hold them at arms length instead of comforting and holding them close. Sometimes appearing confused, frustrated, or impatient. This could be a failure to be sensitive and responsive on the mother's part or it could be that they are responding to the toddler's difficulties. Most likely the toddlers and mothers are influencing each other in a negative bidirectional cycle. Child and mother codetermine each other's behavior over time.

Cultural Variation Theory

Many cultures have common view on what a secure attachment is.

A study comparing The Strange Situation for toddlers in US, Japan, and several northern European countries found that while secure attachment was more common the western toddlers were more likely than the Japanese toddlers to be classified as insecure-avoidant. While insecure-resistant was common among Japanese toddlers. This can be contributed to the Western country's emphasis on early emphasis on independence. Likewise Japanese mother's encourage a high degree of dependency.

Attachment theorists emphasize that sensitive and maternal care should provide love and care while also encouraging self - expression and independence. But this is not ideal found in all or even most cultures.

Human Development (3rd Edition) A Cultural Approach Jeffrey Jensen, Arnett Lene, Arnett Jensen

[chronicallynoted]

Interesting experiment done to test attachment theory. If it looks blurry on mobile click on it and it will be clear

Excerpt from pg 205 of

Human Development (3rd Edition) A Cultural Approach by Jeffrey Jensen, Arnett Lene, and Arnette Jensen

[chronicallynoted]

Even among other trans people my gender is less real. Even among other queer people, my identity is fraught and nuanced and sometimes just plain "made up." I can not call myself autistic openly because I do not have the right pieces of paper to tell the world that my diagnosis without a hefty bill and even then, what would it get me? Medical validity? The label "high functioning"? People telling me "but you're not really autistic though?" Denial, negation, special treatment, awareness?

Not understanding. Not acceptance.

Ch: "Face the Strange" by Dan Ackerman (they/them/theirs)

Book: "Spectrums, Autistic Transgender People in Their Own Words" Edited by Maxfield Sparrow (they/them/theirs)

[chronicallynoted]

"Codependent for Dummies" by Darlene Lancer, MFT

Click on pic for non fuzzy view

[chronicallynoted]

- "Codependency For Dummies" by Darlene Lancer, MFT

[chronicallynoted]

i was re-reading “how to talk so little kids will listen” earlier today, and it reminded me of how much of our culture is so thoroughly punitive – every facet of the way we behave, and expect others to behave, is connected by the concept of punishment. there has been a rise in respectful parenting theory in the past 40-ish years that goes directly against this punitive parenting style.

i have some books that have helped me with respectful parenting here:

https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/2168390?shelf=parenting

–

something i was thinking in my re-read of this book earlier today is how my first impulse while parenting tends to be a reactionary, punitive impulse. sure, you might be patient when the kid is being cute and you have lots of energy. but on an off day? you have to fight against what you’ve learned. even if the kid does something incredibly naughty.

i was reminded of a time when my kid was left alone with the cat, and she started rubbing lotion all over the cat. i think she thought she was doing something nice for her; she was only 2.5 at the time. when i saw the cat, my anxiety spiked. i spoke to her sternly and had her help me clean up the cat, but i was wracked with fear and nervousness – “oh no, what if the cat licks herself and gets sick? what if the cat dies? what if the cat dies because of what my kid did?” i started to feel like just talking to my kid about it wasn’t enough… should we say, “time out”? no dessert? no more cat? no more trips to the bakery? i promised myself i would never spank, but inside, there was a part of me that felt like spanking!! that’s what my parents did!

but after i stewed for a while, i came to my senses. my kid was just being a kid. little kids have no impulse control! but me? i’m an adult, i should have known better! it was really my fault for leaving the kid and the lotion and the cat all together, unsupervised. in a way, my strong reaction to her behavior was just myself projecting the guilt at having a bad parenting moment onto her. 

how effective is punitive speech, and punitive acts?

do you think she would have learned something if i had hit her? or locked her in her room? or took away her snacks? (these are not what those in the respectful parenting community would call natural consequences – these are just unconnected punishments, things that have nothing to do with the cat.)

no. i still would have had a lotioned cat.

what if i had lectured? yelled? gone on at length about how terribly naughty it was, and what a bad girl she was?

no. i still would have had a lotioned cat.

the actual consequence in this instance was for me. because i messed up. the natural consequence: now i have to clean up the damn cat and put the lotion where my kid can’t reach it… and supervise the kid more closely, because she’s only a toddler.

my kid felt bad as soon as she saw how bad i felt. she didn’t show it at the moment – just nervous laughter. but i could tell she felt bad, and sure enough, later that night, she cried about it, and we got to talk more about how the lotion was not good for the cat, and how i was going to put it out of her reach for now.

and that’s…. enough.

it really is.

and it’s so fucking hard to wrap your mind around it. because our entire culture revolves around law and order, crime and punishment! if people mess up, hurt them! lock them away! demolish their self-esteem!

none of that shit helps anyone. it only feels good as a short-term solution.

in the long-term? we have to start believing in the inherent preciousness of every life. it will be hard as fuck to change our collective mindset. but we have to do it. because everything is connected to it, from huge things like climate change, all the way down to a little toddler learning how to interact with a cat.

once you see it, you’ll see the punitive attitude in everything. you’ll see how little it actually fixes. and hopefully you’ll become an abolitionist too.