clarebtw

[clarebtw]

[clarebtw]

I want to do everything and nothing at the same time, so many thoughts so little energy to do it

[clarebtw]

I wrote something lol

According to Webster’s Dictionary, immortality means, “the quality or state of being immortal��. Which a lot of people believe to be an enchanted blessing, living to see all of history's greatest achievements. I saw sliced bread become a thing and all of Betty White’s discography unfold right in front of my eyes from start to end. And before that I saw America literally become America. My father was in the Revolutionary War as was my eldest brother. Our mother died when I was just three years old of Scarlet Fever, which is just sick to think how curable it is in the twenty-first century.

I’m not exactly sure when my immortality began, I just remember turning thirty and still looking twenty years old. People would see my birth certificate and hear my birthday and get extremely startled, asking me for my beauty routine, seeing what my diet was, all of that jazz. By the time I was sixty, I had outlived all of my dear family members and was still looking like my younger counterpart. My younger counterpart who was excited to grow old with her partner, find love and have children. Maybe get an education like some other progressive women from her youth. But as I got older, the lonelier and smaller my circle had gotten. I had lost all hope, and had stopped counting the years. My birthday was March 28th 1722, but as the years went by, I had to change the year of my birthday every once in a while. I was over three hundred years old, in a twenty year olds body. Of course it was a complicated situation, I had a fake id made every couple of years, a remote job so I could move around whenever I needed too, and no close connections. Except one in particular.

Augustus Samuel Winn. A tall man, with a head full of lucious, thick, dark brown curls, and caramel colored skin. He was my one and only close connection. We had met in the 1960s, when big hair and mixed race relationships were controversial things to have. I had met him when I entered college to get my tenth degree, I was going to Columbia this time though. I believed a degree in women's studies would be interesting to have on this go around. I met him in one of my elective classes, sculpting I believe. And let me tell you, there is nothing more erotic than a man sculpting and carressing wet clay with his fingers. I would see him almost every Tuesday and Thursday just sculpting. Whether it was a fish coin bank or a very elaborate cereal bowl, I was mesmerized. I finally worked up the courage to talk to him after a couple of weeks of just staring and admiring, nothing gets accomplished when you just stare. But then something remarkable happened. He came up to me and asked me out, telling me that I had the most gorgeous hazel eyes he had ever seen. He then showed me his latest sculpting project which was a man and a woman dancing. Both figures represented us, the woman with a long flowy golden brown braid and the man with those big curls. At that moment, I was gone head over heels. There was no going back. Until three years later when I called it quits due to “commitment issues” when really it was about my immortality.

How would I explain to him that I was immortal and would eventually outlive him? How would I explain to our children that mommy would see her kids pass away before her? It was selfish I know but I did it to protect him, I just wanted him to be safe and happy. He deserved love with someone who could also grow old with him. Unfortunately I couldn’t give him that just because of my weird quirk. So we broke up in 1964 and I haven't seen him since. I went on to Grad school and he went on to become a wonderful journalist for the Washington Post. I hadn’t even thought of him until I was in Trader Joe’s this year. The year was 2022 and I swear I saw him in the cereal aisle. It couldn’t have been him though, the Post published a memorial edition of the paper when he died three years ago. Of course I stayed informed with whatever he was doing, he was my first and only love for god sakes. Besides it was impossible, I was just seeing things. Until he laid his eyes on me and had the same pale look on his face. With the same dark brown curls and gorgeous toothy smile. He hadn’t aged a day, neither have I and now I am left with a mind full of questions and a glass vase to pay for.

lol this was a au where the female protagonist is immortal and is shocked to find out her lover from long ago was also immortal. give me some feedback if you'd like lol

- this is clare btw

[clarebtw]

I have not used tumblr in a fat minute

I did not end up finishing perks of being a wallflower just due to the fact that I started Percy Jackson again which I forgot how good it was. I just finished the first book and so much good nostalgia was given to me. Let me know which book(s) I should read next, because I wanna read something else next to Percy Jackson hehhehehhehe

this is clare btw

[clarebtw]

current cold

my current read is....drum roll

perks of being a wallflower!!

I shall write a full in depth review of my reread once I fully reread it lol

but as of today I am thirty pages in, I had work today and couldn't read lmao

this is clare btw

[clarebtw]

i have not used tumblr in a fat minute

this is clare btw

I hope all is well, I had an old account that I deleted now I'm starting fresh. I'm gonna talk about stuff, all types of stuff. maybe even cool stuff idkdontknow. n e ways i hope everyone is chilling :p