copperspaghetti

[copperspaghetti]

I’ve been asleep for 6 hours and I’ve been at school for 8 hours. I haven’t spoken with my partner in 14 whole hours I’m gonna rip off my skin.

[copperspaghetti]

All I need in life is a lifetime supply of my mom’s sambal and the legal right to bear exactly one person to death with a blunt instrument once a year.

[copperspaghetti]

I met really cool people and even found some online friends. Then my father said there was no point in doing the project if I wasn’t being paid. He said that the people I met were probably just going to steal my voice and put it through AI. I tried to ignore him this time I continued with the project and I even bought proper recording gear. I finished my lines but I didn’t feel confident in them anymore. I was told the lines were good and didn’t need retakes but I felt they weren’t enough. I haven’t auditioned for anything else since then. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know if it’s a mix of things or if it’s just one. It could be just nothing, that’s what I’ve been calling it since I don’t have a name for it yet. Alright, that’s it. Thanks for reading

I’m writing this because I’ve had a lot of thoughts recently. For the record, none of said thoughts are harmful in any way, not to myself nor others. They’ve just made me really think. I’m not sure who to talk to, I doubt my parents would understand and I don’t want to burden my brother. It’s like I don’t feel anything. That’s hyperbole of course, I feel things from time to time. I see something funny, I’ll crack a smile, something jumps out at me, I might scream. In general though? It’s not really anything. I’m still afraid of growing up but that fear has faded significantly, it lingers but I can barely hear it. Everyday almost feels the same with the exception of the weekends and Friday. Friday comes as a relief and the burden of expectation is lifted from my shoulders and Saturday is my one day of freedom until Sunday reminds me of reality. I have the memories of happier times when I was younger but reflection doesn’t bring nostalgia, it brings envy. I was once a “Smart Kid” I was once “Meant to do great things” I was once my mother’s “Little Scientist”. I don’t know where it went wrong, I don’t know if it went wrong. Maybe this is just how these things play out, I’ve heard plenty a tale of falls from grace. I remember thinking I’d keep climbing, how I’d only ever see the bottom shrink before disappearing completely. By the time that thought was done I was flat on my back staring up at a peak I couldn’t see. As I write this and my thoughts become visible and known, more and more thoughts emerge as if there were so many I couldn’t see them all at once. I graduate in roughly three months, I’ll be on my own from there. The thought should frighten me but it doesn’t. My parents are willing to fund my college education. The thought should excite me but it doesn’t. Everything in my life has practically been given to me and has set me up to have a good life, some might say perfect. I was born into considerable wealth, my family never had money troubles, I grew up and was taught in private schools with fantastic teachers, my parents were supportive of all of my interests and as said previously are willing to pay for my tuition and even a home should I decide the on-campus dorms are inadequate. I should feel grateful, blessed, thankful for everything. I think I am? I’m not sure. I understand to the outside looking in I should be grateful and so I tell them I am. Because it’s not fair to not be grateful when others have nothing, I understand that completely. Maybe it’s not that I’m not grateful, it’s that I’m just not happy. I remember the things that made me happy. I had favorite songs. Those have since turned to noise I use to drown out the world. I had toys I used to play with. I now keep them hidden away to keep them from rotting. I used to watch cartoons on tv before school. They bring me no joy anymore. I had hobbies, I went through so many hobbies. I tried poetry for a while until I was forced to do it for school. I tried to draw when I was younger until I saw someone even younger do better than me. I took up cosplay for a while, I enjoyed the process, I enjoyed wearing my costumes, I loved the compliments I’d get when I wore them. I stopped when my father told me I should make it a business. I tried out writing. I enjoyed writing, to see a story come into being in front of me, I was good at it too, I could admit that I was good at something. I kept writing, I met friends that also wanted to write, they read my work and gave me good feedback and positive affirmations. I was enjoying myself. Then my father asked why I was doing this when an AI program could do the same. After some time I decided to try my hand at voiceovers and voice acting. My voice was something I was consistently complimented on and so I felt it was one of my only good qualities. I auditioned for roles, non-paying ones since I didn’t feel I should be paid right from the get go. Eventually I landed a role, then another and another. I felt excited for the first time in a long time. I had fun doing those auditions and I had fun recording my lines.

[copperspaghetti]

I’m writing this because I’ve had a lot of thoughts recently. For the record, none of said thoughts are harmful in any way, not to myself nor others. They’ve just made me really think. I’m not sure who to talk to, I doubt my parents would understand and I don’t want to burden my brother. It’s like I don’t feel anything. That’s hyperbole of course, I feel things from time to time. I see something funny, I’ll crack a smile, something jumps out at me, I might scream. In general though? It’s not really anything. I’m still afraid of growing up but that fear has faded significantly, it lingers but I can barely hear it. Everyday almost feels the same with the exception of the weekends and Friday. Friday comes as a relief and the burden of expectation is lifted from my shoulders and Saturday is my one day of freedom until Sunday reminds me of reality. I have the memories of happier times when I was younger but reflection doesn’t bring nostalgia, it brings envy. I was once a “Smart Kid” I was once “Meant to do great things” I was once my mother’s “Little Scientist”. I don’t know where it went wrong, I don’t know if it went wrong. Maybe this is just how these things play out, I’ve heard plenty a tale of falls from grace. I remember thinking I’d keep climbing, how I’d only ever see the bottom shrink before disappearing completely. By the time that thought was done I was flat on my back staring up at a peak I couldn’t see. As I write this and my thoughts become visible and known, more and more thoughts emerge as if there were so many I couldn’t see them all at once. I graduate in roughly three months, I’ll be on my own from there. The thought should frighten me but it doesn’t. My parents are willing to fund my college education. The thought should excite me but it doesn’t. Everything in my life has practically been given to me and has set me up to have a good life, some might say perfect. I was born into considerable wealth, my family never had money troubles, I grew up and was taught in private schools with fantastic teachers, my parents were supportive of all of my interests and as said previously are willing to pay for my tuition and even a home should I decide the on-campus dorms are inadequate. I should feel grateful, blessed, thankful for everything. I think I am? I’m not sure. I understand to the outside looking in I should be grateful and so I tell them I am. Because it’s not fair to not be grateful when others have nothing, I understand that completely. Maybe it’s not that I’m not grateful, it’s that I’m just not happy. I remember the things that made me happy. I had favorite songs. Those have since turned to noise I use to drown out the world. I had toys I used to play with. I now keep them hidden away to keep them from rotting. I used to watch cartoons on tv before school. They bring me no joy anymore. I had hobbies, I went through so many hobbies. I tried poetry for a while until I was forced to do it for school. I tried to draw when I was younger until I saw someone even younger do better than me. I took up cosplay for a while, I enjoyed the process, I enjoyed wearing my costumes, I loved the compliments I’d get when I wore them. I stopped when my father told me I should make it a business. I tried out writing. I enjoyed writing, to see a story come into being in front of me, I was good at it too, I could admit that I was good at something. I kept writing, I met friends that also wanted to write, they read my work and gave me good feedback and positive affirmations. I was enjoying myself. Then my father asked why I was doing this when an AI program could do the same. After some time I decided to try my hand at voiceovers and voice acting. My voice was something I was consistently complimented on and so I felt it was one of my only good qualities. I auditioned for roles, non-paying ones since I didn’t feel I should be paid right from the get go. Eventually I landed a role, then another and another. I felt excited for the first time in a long time. I had fun doing those auditions and I had fun recording my lines.

[copperspaghetti]

Picture this 

you come to our rendevouz point in a pine forest in the middle of the night as per my instructions you are cold and you see a trail of carrots leading deeper into the forest a twig snaps behind you and you spin around to see me holding a rifle 

“I’m assuming you don’t know why I brought you here”

you shake your head no

“I assumed as such. Listen I’ve watched you for a while I know your game but no one believes me, but this, this will prove to everyone your true nature” I say raising up my rifle 

“now make this easy on the both of us and just let me hit you with this horse tranquilizer if”

you step back

“I see you’re scared but if you were really a human then what would you have to fear I mean it is horse tranquilizer not human tranquilizer”

I take the shot

[copperspaghetti]

I have been on here for 10 minutes and have found every sexuality that makes up the lgbt community why is it only on tumblr

[copperspaghetti]

how come other carnivores can just eat chicken but we have to cook it so we dont die

[copperspaghetti]

i cut myself on a mcdonalds cup lid god damn this stings so after we eliminate the straws I say we go for the lids I shall not lead the revolution but someone else could

[copperspaghetti]

you ever just remember that there are other (possibly) living, breathing human people on the otherside of the world that are able to communicate with you at this very moment because of magic wifi and bad sleep schedules

[copperspaghetti]

it burns, it’s hot, it cooks, it’s warm and comforting in the cold nights alone, it opens portals to different dimensions, it kills, it’s a weapon, it’s nice to look at what is so hard to understand

Fire is so freaking inexplicable I don't get it at all

[copperspaghetti]

What if men gave birth?

if men gave birth how would the child come out so far I’ve thought that either the penis would stretch a bunch or it would just be a stream of infant

[copperspaghetti]

Me Fact

I like seeing adults happy more than seeing children happy because kids are almost always happy but when they’re scared or sad everyone makes a big fuss and tries to cheer them up but with adults I find that it is so much rarer to find happy ones so it makes me feel good to either make or see someone happy

[copperspaghetti]

I really want a bagel

[copperspaghetti]

Canada Fact#2

Nova Scotia is pretty cool

[copperspaghetti]

Canada Fact#1

ever since the escape of Justin Bieber we have resorted to using our geese as vessels for our anger these anger fueled geese are sent to protect the borders but anger often takes control of ones intentions and splinter factions are formed these factions travel the globe all at odds with one another and each with a thirst for conquest and blood

[copperspaghetti]

I now know that there are those that refuse to learn for they fear the truth and humiliation of their beliefs being falsified I no longer wish to bring this feeling to others I am giving up I will no longer discuss why a knight would whoop a samurai’s ass in a fight unless it is a friendly discussion 

[copperspaghetti]

a knight would win in a fight against a samurai