cosmiccowboystuddies

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

𓏵LIST OF LISTS TO MAKE

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themes/characters you want to see more in movies/books

bucketlist of things you would never do/have already done

specific youtube videos/ podcasts that you would like to watch/listen to if they existed

fantasy places youd visit/live at

things you believe in

fun made up jobs

questions youd like an answer to but dont have it

things you are passionate about

reasons to keep going

school subjects that should exist but dont/ shouldnt exist but do

guest list to your future wedding

people you love/loved

phases youve gone through

things that feel illegal but arent

apologies that people owe you/apologies you owe

things that should exist but dont

lives youd be happy living

things/people you miss

people youd date

yoir favourite kinds of people

your favourite smells, noises, etc

characters youd be friends with

things that remind you of yourself

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

focus on the likes and not the wants

you may not want to clean your room, but you like the peace and call it brings you after

you may not want to study, but you like the confidence and satisfaction you get from being prepared

you may not not want to apologise, but you like the relief and connection that reconciliation brings

you may not want to cook, but you like the satisfaction of eating a healthy come cooked meal prepared with love

you may not want to exercise, but you like how you feel afterwards and how it makes you confident

you may not want to journal or write, but you like the reflection and calm it brings you

you may not want to step out of your comfort zone, but you like the new experiences and growth you gain from it

my insta @ malusokay

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

[6.02]

i was felling bad about myself so I made a fig tree

the future is uncertain and i am a ball of nerves.

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

[5.30]

pool day

i went to the pool today with friends to get tan, and was horribly unproductive, dreading work tomorrow but I plan on napping after, I have fallen back in love with napping. also thought about my future today. I think my forntal lobe developed, I tired to reread one of my favorite books, and for some reason I couldn't slog through it.

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

Took me until about halfway through college before I realized “study” means “play with the material in a variety of ways until you understand it” and not just “read the assigned chapters and do the homework” and I think that probably should have been discussed at some point prior to that.

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

fireflies lighting up a rural Pennsylvania field at dusk

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

[5.23]

hey guys, running a bit behind the self imposed made up schedule I had in my head because I slept in until like 2 pm and then decided to work out for nearly 2 hours, but that's all water under the bridge. I am proud of myself for sticking to what I said, and am working on my future because I realize putting things off was more a disserviceto myself than a dissapointemnet to others, and I realize the little tasks I try to avoid are really simple and improve my life, anyway that's enough introspection for today. I watched the new feir street move while I sewed a backing onto my crochet quilt and for once I plan on going to bed before 2am so I can wake up early make the most of the morning. I started zumba and it wasn't as horrible as I thought.

today i

watched the feir street movie

worked out

washed dishes

planned some stories ( will further do later)

hand sewed a backing on blanket

seam ripped top ( making adjustments)

I think I'm going to write a review of the movie because it severely disappointed me.

anyway if anyone wanst to chat about it my dm's are open. should I post progress pics of my craft/sewing projects?

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

[5.21]

hey guys, I actually am ending the day being proud of myself today, after nearly two weeks of unproductivity I got up before the time of 11 AM. It was hard for me to get out of bed; it took everything in me not to roll over and go back to sleep, but getting up early was rewarding. Not as rewarding as it used to be, or as rewarding as I had hoped, but checking so many things off my to-do list made me smile. I am proud of myself for pushing through the day, when getting out of bed was the hardest parts. Enough of the fanfare, let me get on with what I did today:

today I:

learned the gnarly dance

wash the dishes

made some pasta salad

blocked my crochet blanket and pinned the backing

organized some stuff

put away clothes

updated my reading list

read through my brain dump( I meant to organize it, but it is frankly so much)

I have a queston to yall home from college, do ya'll now view your home as campus or wherever you were living while school or your hometown. I think I finally view my home as my college and not my hometown, I realize it because I haven't really unpacked yet and am living out of a suitcase.

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

[5.21]

hey guys, I actually am ending the day being proud of myself today, after nearly two weeks of unproductivity I got up before the time of 11 AM. It was hard for me to get out of bed; it took everything in me not to roll over and go back to sleep, but getting up early was rewarding. Not as rewarding as it used to be, or as rewarding as I had hoped, but checking so many things off my to-do list made me smile. I am proud of myself for pushing through the day, when getting out of bed was the hardest parts. Enough of the fanfare, let me get on with what I did today:

today I:

learned the gnarly dance

wash the dishes

made some pasta salad

blocked my crochet blanket and pinned the backing

organized some stuff

put away clothes

updated my reading list

read through my brain dump( I meant to organize it, but it is frankly so much)

I have a queston to yall home from college, do ya'll now view your home as campus or wherever you were living while school or your hometown. I think I finally view my home as my college and not my hometown, I realize it because I haven't really unpacked yet and am living out of a suitcase.

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

Took me until about halfway through college before I realized “study” means “play with the material in a variety of ways until you understand it” and not just “read the assigned chapters and do the homework” and I think that probably should have been discussed at some point prior to that.

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

current events

WEEKLY R.E.P.O.R.T.

r – reading Bunny by Mona Awad

"We’re just Bunnies. We’re just Bunnies, Samantha. We’re just Bunnies doing what Bunnies do."

e – eating strawberry yoplait yogurt

p – playing watching Claire Saffitz x Dessert Person videos while making things

o – obsessed with Yellowjackets — the show is taking over my mind right now, can't stop thinking about it!

r – recommending JLab headphones — great sound quality, comfortable, and affordable, perfect for long listening sessions

t – treating a scoop of strawberry ice cream just because

CURRENT PROJECTS / LIFE LATELY

Sewing

Bikini + shorts set

Lord Shen cosplay

Headbands

Repairing jeans

Sewing a hissif

Crocheting

Ruffle skirt

Wrapping up older pieces

Writing

working on short stories

writing a book called Dear Mr. Darcy

Wolfstar trilogy + a few shorter one-shots

scripting/editing my first YouTube video: a video essay on Marvel’s Thunderbolts

Room Redecorating

making an inspo grid wall

collecting art prints & references

starting button art + stamp art

Other

taking summer classes

learning a gnarly K-pop dance

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

summer 2025 reading list

Currently Reading:

Bunny by Mona Awad “But I wasn't listening. I wasn't stopping. Because we were already running away again, me and my imagination.”

― Mona Awad, Bunny

Nightstand Pile:

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton

Currently Annotating:

Sunrise on the Reaping by Suzanne Collins

🖊️ Need to Annotate:

Ace of Spades by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé

The Reappearance of Rachel Price by Holly Jackson

Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt

Notes on Grief by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Summer Reading List:

Dark Age

American Royals

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

We All Looked Up by Tommy Wallach

A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood

Wicked by Gregory Maguire

They All Had a Reason by Tarryn Fisher

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

The Girls I’ve Been by Tess Sharpe

The Last Thing He Told Me by Laura Dave

The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett

Big Little Lies by Liane Moriart

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke by Eric LaRocca

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

Anne of Green Gables

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

hey guys

hey guys (my sum total of like 7 followers), sorry for the long, unexpected absence, but I’m back. I was dealing with long-term health issues that made it hard to do pretty much anything. At the risk of getting way too personal, I have recently had some thoughts that I’d like to get off my chest, and I hope that maybe someday someone will read this and feel even the slightest bit validated. I don’t really know where to start, so I’m just going to start with a needlessly long ramble about things that much smarter people have already explained in much better detail.

For a while, I’ve been struggling with long-term iron-deficiency anemia and the unknown side effects I've had for years now. I had the worst birthday of my life ( one day I will tell that story) and one of the most revealing semesters of school ever. Long story short, being severely anemic meaning you have little to no energy at all, and spent most of the semester underneath a pile of pillows. I didn’t have the energy to do much. I was too tired to read the way I used to, to create the way I used t or be crafty, or even to cook. I lived solely on frozen dinners and Rice-A-Roni, which definitely wasn’t helping how horrible I felt. i would spend hours scrolling on Pinterest, planning planning increasingly complex projects (my account was recently permanently suspended for no reason) and its absence has also been a reason for my feelings.

Long story short, being anemic gives you literally no energy. After class every day, I would take a nap because I was so fatigued. Since I was napping for 4–5 hours a day, I started having a hard time falling asleep at night, even though I was exhausted, I had such severe insomnia that I would stay up all night. (Insomnia is actually a symptom of severe anemia.) I’d lie awake, too tired to do anything except mindlessly scroll on my phone or watch my ceiling fan spin in circles until morning. Then the whole cycle would repeat over and over again, day after day the same thing.

Long story short I got an iron infusion because I downright refused to get a blood transfusion, and things began to shift into a devastating clarity. Before my infusion things were shockingly blurry. I lost the energy to do anything that wasn't sleep or school or staring at the ceiling, I shirked all my other wants and needs and responsibilities because I felt so utterly incapable of anything besides the bare minimum of my existence, and I felt awful. Somehow, getting healthy made me feel mentally worse. At the risk of sounding too existential, I've been thinking about things that I feel like I didn't have the mental capacity to so before. As I tried to get back into my usual activities, I struggled to do so, mostly because of something I have been struggling with for a bit, I just chose to never think about it . I could finally place words on my feelings and emotions, and to summarize, all my crafts and hobbies, and things I did were not because I wanted to do them. I made and did things not out of enjoyment but to say that I did them to appear 'cool', as childish as that sounds. I learned to draw so people could tell me that my artwork was cool, therefore making me cool. I rode horses, so people could say, 'Wow, you are so good at riding horses'. I made clothes so people would look at what I made and be amazed by what I could create, because of this I gave myself impossible deadlines, and I used to meet these deadlines. In high school I met these deadlines, reading 4 books a week or making 6 very poor quality, practically unwearable clothes in the search of praise for how good or cool I was, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I was tired of being that way. I learned to do press-on nails because I thought of all the things people would say if I showed everyone my supercool nails. i learned guitar so people would think I was cool when I played a song, not because I wanted to learn how to play music. I watched YouTubers like Bernedette Banner and found myself jealous of her, how she took joy in the little tiny things, the act of handsewing and taking her time to make the prettiest and complex garments brought her joy, the act of creating something, and I wanted to do that. i wanted to be happy with creating things like I used to. For some reason, for a while I couldn't. For this reason, I found myself in the constant 'I'll do it tomorrow' spiral, I would sew tomorrow, draw tomorrow, paint my nails tomorrow, and this made me upset. I thought about all the things I could do to get other people to react, so I tried to do more, I crocheted more, made things I didn't want to or need to, because I thought it would be cool, but I was still tired and took some time to slow down.

I forced myself to not do things unless I wanted to or needed to, until I remembered the reason why I wanted to do them in the first place. i started pressing greatness for myself and remembering my dreams. i treated writing like I job because I want it to be, I stopped feeling horribly sorry for myself because I thought I could never write full-time, or never make this cool dress, or do this cosplay because I wasn't very good. For some reason, I thought people were born great, I didn't think great writers, or artists, or designers, or singers because they were born that way, not because they spent years to organically learn how to do thing,s but that they were born doing this. I saw someone draw something almost perfectly, and I noticed how it took me only 15 minutes what would have taken me 3 hours for something even less great than what they created, but they told me that it didn't take them 15 minutes, it took them 35 years, and that stuck with me. I never gave myself the chance to learn, I never let myself be bad at things, and by doing this, I struggled to do things I thought I would enjoy. At the same time, I packed up my college dorm and came home. it is no secret that me and my mom don't get along, away at school was fun, and returning home to my childhood bedroom was soul crushing as it is every year, for somereason I though this year would be different but I was starkly reminded when my first day home was met with nothing but meanness and rudeness. I was stupid for expecting anything different. At college, I was used to a certain amount of autonomy that I simply do not have at home, and as my mother constantly reminds me, I do almost everything incorrectly. At school, I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to and didn't have to explain, At home, I am reminded how horribly wrong I am at everything, and reminded constantly. I do not wash clothes correctly, feed the dog correctly, dress correctly, or wash dishes correctly. I am to do what she wants and when because...

Because of this my life was thrown wildly out of routine, my mom was angry with me and I forgot the feeling, because of this lack of routine I felt wildly out of control, I would stay up until odd hours at night, well until the next morning, sleep in until noon and by the time I woke up I would feel like my whole day was gone and I would not do anything because it would feel pointless. I stopped doing my skincare and didn't even see the point in changing out of my pajamas, but I am tired of feeling bad for myself, so in an effort to get back into the swing of things, I am starting up this blog again, something I enjoyed for the fun of it. insert long-winded quote about being an artist requires creativity, and being an artisan requires perfectionism, or something like that

That was a long-winded and poorly explained way of saying that I'm back, and starting new projects, taking the time to allow myself to be bad and taking joy and pride in making things as perfect as possible..

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

more notes on: writer's block

It is an anxiety we feel when we are unable to transfer ideas from our heads to the page.

It is a feeling of inadequacy—that whatever we write will be unoriginal, unimaginative, or have very little value.

It is a temporary state in which we are so overwhelmed with the expectations of an assignment, instructor, ourselves (inner editor) that we can’t get started.

Techniques to Combat Writer's Block

Stream of consciousness writing

There are variations to this type of writing. In general, the ideas are the same: writing freely without considering grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, etc.

The most important aspect of this exercise is to just write.

Variations include: write what comes to your mind as you focus on your topic; write with your eyes closed; cover your computer screen and type freely; write slowly while focusing on each shaping of the letters; or set a timer/alarm and write non-stop for 10-15 minutes.

Change your location

If you usually write at a computer, try the kitchen or dining room table.

If you usually write at a desk, try a seat by a window. Or how about a coffee shop, a park, or the library?

Relaxation techniques

Take a break from trying to write. This will help you to rejuvenate (but come back soon)!

Take some deep breaths. People who tell you that physical exercise is important for mental activity are telling the truth.

If nothing's happening on the computer screen or paper, take a walk around the block. Hit the treadmill or tennis courts or drive to the gym. But take your notebook with you.

Fresh blood will be flowing through your brain and jogging might just jog something loose in your head. It happens.

Start in the middle of your writing project

Avoid the problem of getting started by starting on a part of the project that interests you more and then come back to the introductory matter later.

After all, your readers will never know you wrote the introduction last (another joy of word-processing technology!).

Talking aloud

Talk over your paper with a friend, or just blab away into a tape recorder (even better).

Play the tape back and write down what you hear in clusters of ideas or free write about them.

Accountability & community

Set up a time and place to write with someone else or a few other writers.

Start by talking about what you are working on, your struggle, and what needs to be done.

You can set a specific amount of time for everyone to write silently (an hour or a few).

Then come back together in the end to vocalize what you accomplished (and what you still want to accomplish if more needs to be done).

This goal setting, accountability, and community are highly valuable for the writing process.

more on: writer's block

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

Being a writer is basically emotionally bonding with fictional people and then ruining their lives for fun.