cosmiccowboystuddies - Tumblr blog

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

[04.29]

hey pookie bears. i'm actually very proud of myself despite the fact that i didn't do much. I did a lot in my mind though. Little life update, I started talking to a man (Ik its gross), and I thought we made a connection but then he invited me over to 'watch a movie' so I guess not. I started lifting weights, and my thighs are sore but in a good way. I kind of want more internet friends so dm and tell me about your day if you want :)

what i did today: annotated a secret history oiled my hair finished taking notes ate lunch went to the gym played badminton drink 3 bottles of water from my nalgene wrote 1000 words

i want more friends, so if you like horses or books or anime dm or just need someone to talk to hmu

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

[4.25]

sorry I went kind of awol... been having some trouble finding the time for this, dove headfirst into a knew writing project and exam season is kicking my ass. i also fucked up my neck pretty bad, litterly getting out of bed or some reason.

what i did today did laundry filmed speech wrote took notes studied

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

hard work? at least put in the work!

as my mom once said to me:

"forget hard work! at least do work"

please, for some of us, talking about "hard work" is far away for us. so forget about working hard. what about just working? not working hard, just doing at least something for your future, yourself, your family. or are you okay with being a huge disappointment to others and yourself?

just doing the bare minimum at least for yourself! you don't have to go over the top or make it so hard for you. at least put in the bare minimum so you don't have to live the worst life. okay?

doing at least 5 pushups + 5 squats a day

studying a bit for exams

saying one affirmation of self-love a day

if someone talks to you, don't try to run away from the convo.

all this isn't hard. its just what every human being should be able to you (not talking about anyone with disabilities, thats a different case). okay?

the first step to this would be to reduce the amount of screentime everyday. i don't care if its "educational" or "self improvement", thats all bs. whats actually gonna make a difference is that instead of tricking your brain into thinking you're doing something or telling yourself "i'll work my hardest tomorrow", you don't work your hardest today but you work.

putting in little effort is still putting in effort.

i know that a lot of you are gonna be like "no but i believe in myself that i can put hard work into something i care about!" so okay. good job for believing in yourself, love that. but... are you actually gonna do it? or are you going to continue to sit and watch "educational" "self improvement" videos because it distracts and tricks you into thinking that this is hard work?*

*don't get me wrong, of course if you used to be a person who scrolled a bunch of nonsense, the first step would of course be to change what you consume into something better. but there comes a limit where you have to actually get up and put in the work. simply changing what you consume isn't all you need to do. theres more steps to improving your life. just like when you start with a new skill; in the beginning you may start with something very simple and easy for you to do. but once that becomes your "comfort zone" (as in very/ much easy to do), you need to move to something that challenges you more. otherwise, you never grow.

sure, believing that you are capable of doing it is certainly the first step of almost anything, but believing isn't just enough. you gotta actually do it. you don't earn my respect by "believing you can do it" (what are you, a toddler?) but by actually executing your plan. and for most of us, it turns out that our definition of "hard work" is actually just watching "self improvement" all day.

so what am i implying here? :

if you believe you can actually do the hard work, then do it. do not waste another second on self improvement videos (remember; those are just meant as a guide, a starter. a place for advice). if however, you find that you finally realise that hard work isnt just watching self improvement videos and having to actually do something, then shut up with the hard work. at least do work.

xoxo, vanilla.

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

'Cause if I just vanished, do you think you'd manage? Or would you disappear right beside me? Do you think you're ready when I go unsteady? Lover, please prepare for my absence

“Though I remembered now. What was in them was promise. They dealt in transformations; they suggested an endless series of possibilities, extending like the reflections in two mirrors set facing one another"

"Sometimes the hardest part of leaving is not the journey ahead but the goodbye we leave behind."

Absence Song by Rio Romeo, Geto and Gojo from JJK, Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale, All the Young Dudes" by Mott the Hoople

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

sleeping my problems away in a richard papen way

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

books, books, and more books

THE NIGHTSTAND PILE

The Foxhole Court

5 Survive

All Your Twisted Lies

If We Were Villains

CURRENT TBR

Everything I Never Told You

Hench

The Hunger Games Trilogy

Song Of Achillies

A Good Girls Guide To Murder

No Longer Human

Good Girl Bad Blood

Of Mice and Men

The Girls I've Been

Freak The Mighty

Dune

A Song of Ice and Fire

The Raven Boys Trilogy

NEED TO ANNOTATE

A Secret History- Donna Tart

Taming the Star Runner- S.E Hinton

Rumblefish- S.E Hinton

NEED TO REREAD

The Outsiders- S.E Hinton ( Writing Style, Diction, and narrations, and Structure)

If We Were Villians- ML Rio (Genre Analysis, Structure and Literary Devices)

WANT TO READ NEXT

The Sunshine Court

All The Young Dudes

Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke

A Little Life

Anne of Green Gables

The Idealist

Dark Rise

Six of Crows

Little Fires Everywhere

Neon Gods

Red Queen

The Perks of Being A Wallflower

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

normalize reading a book without caring if the spine breaks, folded cover, misspelled annotations and just ruining the book completely as a form of art

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

How many times do I have to tell society that I'm most productive at 2am

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

Isn't it odd how much fatter a book gets when you've read it several times? As if something were left between the pages every time you read it. Feelings, thoughts, sounds, smells... and then, when you look at the book again many years later, you find yourself there too.. a slightly younger self, slightly different, as if the book had preserved you like a pressed flower... both strange and familiar.

- Cornelia Funke, The Inkheart

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

sorry for romanticising the mundane. i have little else

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

[4.17]

today I: went to the barn took notes finished speech outline sewed sleeves went to a meeting wash and folded clothes wrote 800 words registered for classes

for my daily allotted complaining time, I had to wake up at 4AM to register for classes, and then at around 11, I went to the barn for practice, which went well, until it was time to turn the horses out and one escaped, so me and the coach spent the better part of an hour attempting to catch a runaway horse, and while I wanted nothing more than to shower and spend the rest of the day in bed, I didn't let myself wallow in the embarrassment of what happened, I showered, and made myself tick things off a now manageable to-do list

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

[4.16]

today I: drunk 3 bottles of water ate 3 meals got advised sewed a dress studied organized writing projects journaled

It's only Tueday, and I end the day with a horrible uncomfortable feeling. It's like someone is gently tugging at my heart, and it only makes me feel all wrong, like something bad is about to happen. I can't do anything about it but sleep it off I guess, but at least I end the day knowing that I managed to be somewhat productive. I have a lower grade in one of my classes then I thought, and though I'm passing, I'm not doing as well as I hoped. That's to be expected considering how I procrastinated on every assignment at the beginning of the semester, though there is no use in dwelling on what I could have done better, just doing better. So I am doing better now by working on my assignment even though it is due next week. I go to bed early because Tomorrow I have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to register for classes and sign up for summer classes.

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

discipline is self care

self care isn't just face masks and bubble baths, it's also doing your assignment in advance so you won't pull an all nighter before the deadline, cooking at home instead of ordering out; discipline is an act of self love and care

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

when i say "romanticise the ordinary" i don't mean "hide all aspects of your life that do not fit under some kind of aesthetic" but rather "strive to find beauty in all the little things because i promise you, happiness can be found everywhere"

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

[𝟒.𝟏𝟎]

today I: did laundry took out the trash discussion post drunk 2 bottles of water took Instagram pictures call grandpa and tell him happy birthday

my daily allotted complaining time:

I got a 75 on my exam, I expected a higher grade. I studied, but not nearly as much as I could have, and I am conflicted on my feelings about it. Last semester I failed the class, and this semester I was determined to do better, and I am, but I still struggle with taking test. I've never been good at taking test, in high school I could skate by with good grades because tests were never worth much and even if they were I could always do retakes, but I've been "learning" how to study, and even if I don't get a A in the class anything would be an improvement since last semester.

moral of the story:

today i wanted nothing more but to rot in bed, but I knew I shouldn't, its so easy to slip into a routine of doing only what is mandatory, but I made myself get up, and getting up was just the first stop. take the day one step/ task at a time, and it was relatively slow-moving to start, and I didn't accomplish nearly as much as I wanted to, but I did certainly more than I would have if I had left myself sit in bed all day and mindlessly scroll

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

when i say "romanticise the ordinary" i don't mean "hide all aspects of your life that do not fit under some kind of aesthetic" but rather "strive to find beauty in all the little things because i promise you, happiness can be found everywhere"

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

current events

reading: rumblefish

annotating: a secret history

watching: hazbin hotel

learning: Latin, photography, lace making

making: crocheting a blanket fixing the hem on pants

drawing: sad clown

writing: idk a title